- 3 hours ago
Season 4 Episode 9
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Hi everybody, I'm Dory Larkin, and oh, I just want to say Happy Thanksgiving, and if it's
00:21all right with you, my son would like to just come out and show you what he did at school
00:26at his Thanksgiving pageant. Would that be all right with you?
00:32Yay! All right then.
00:36Stutt! Stutt! Stutt, come on out, Stutt!
00:44Stutt, come on out here! Come here, Stutt. Come on, look at it, yeah.
00:50Stutt, come on out here! Stutt, come on out here! Stutt, come on out here!
00:56Stutt, come on out here! Oh, look at that, he's a turkey!
00:59Oh! Well, now, Stuart, where'd you get that Rice Krispie treat?
01:05Stuart, where'd you get that Rice Krispie treat?
01:08I found it on the floor.
01:10Oh!
01:12Stuart, this floor is filthy! Do you know who's been walking on this floor?
01:17Well, the show business people, what'd Mama say about the show business people?
01:22I don't want to say.
01:25Come on, what'd Mama say about the show business people?
01:28What'd Mama say? Say it.
01:31Show business people are dirty and they don't believe in God.
01:36That's right! Now, come on and show them what you did at the Thanksgiving pageant.
01:42Show them what you did.
01:44Look what I can do.
01:47Oh, that's cute, but that's not what you did at the pageant.
01:51Do the strut, strut, and the gobble, gobble.
01:54Oh, come on, no, come on, do it like we did.
01:57Don't!
01:57Do it like you showed me.
01:58Come on, quit, stop toddling.
02:00Shake their tail feathers.
02:02Come on, these good people.
02:03Stuart, you got it.
02:05These people came here to see.
02:07These people came, they want to see you.
02:09Do your little, your little turkey show, Stuart.
02:12That's from the pageant.
02:13Now, let's show them what you can do with the...
02:15Stuart, you either do that or you're not going to get an autograph from Phil Lamar.
02:21Come, come.
02:24Well, he's very talented, isn't he?
02:27Come, come, come, come.
02:27That's real good.
02:28Now, you kids, you go ahead and you watch that mad TV.
02:31Come, come, come, come.
02:32Stuart, we got to go marching on to bed now.
02:34Come on, please.
02:35Nine-nine, tie-tie, go, tie-tie.
02:37Nine-nine, tie-tie, go, tie-tie.
02:38Nine-nine, tie-tie, go, tie-tie.
02:42Nine-nine, tie-tie.
02:45Nine-nine, tie-tie, go, tie-tie.
02:47Come on, come on.
02:55You're so crazy.
02:58You're so crazy.
03:00Oh, man.
03:04You're so crazy.
03:05Man, you're so crazy
03:16You drive me home
03:19You are now watching the TV
03:35You were moved by Steel Magnolias
03:38Terms of endearment spoke to your soul
03:41And Marvin's room touched your heart
03:44Now get ready for the film event of the season
03:48Steven Seagal
03:50Jean-Claude Van Damme as you've never seen them before
03:54I've come home to help take care of our dying dad
03:57He's dying to know. I'm very emotional right now
04:00One true impact
04:03It's the sensitive story of two men with feelings and emotions
04:06Never before captured on film
04:10I didn't believe you when you said you'd come back home
04:13I'm your brother. Why don't you believe in me?
04:16Maybe because you don't believe in yourself
04:19Who has hurt you so much to make this happen?
04:25Steven, you are a worthless piece of crap
04:28An A-minus in math?
04:30No son of mine is less than perfect
04:33No dad, please don't win me
04:35I promise I'll do better next time
04:37Who says there's gonna be a next time, huh?
04:40Me dad
04:46Why don't you pick on a me of your own size?
04:49Steven?
04:50How?
04:52The question isn't how
04:53The question is when
04:55And the answer is now
04:56No, Jean Claude
05:10This is a fight that can only be fought by me
05:12And me
05:15I understand now
05:17I understand now
05:18You are wrestling
05:19With your past
05:20Why didn't you love me dad?
05:22Why?
05:23Why?
05:24Why?
05:25Why?
05:26Why?
05:27Why?
05:28Why?
05:29Why?
05:30Why?
05:31Why?
05:32Why?
05:33Why?
05:34Why?
05:35Why?
05:36Why?
05:37Why?
05:38Why?
05:39Why?
05:40Why?
05:41Why?
05:42Why?
05:43Why?
05:44Why?
05:45Why?
05:46Why?
05:47Why?
05:48Why?
05:49Why?
05:50Why?
05:51Why?
05:52Why?
05:53Why?
05:54Why?
05:55Why?
05:56Why why why the doctor said we probably shouldn't violently shake him around too much
06:03Right sorry
06:05That's okay
06:11Brothers separated by pain brought together by more pain, but in pain there is joy and bonding
06:19Remember that time when we were kids
06:21And you did that funny thing. Oh, yes, I am laughing at that special memory that I share with you
06:34But was their bond too late to help their father no dad hold on I'm a nurse let me help
06:41him
06:49Please don't die. We have too many unresolved issues with our past without present with our future
06:56What a true impact coming soon being soft can be hard to watch
07:26You
07:28You
07:38I'm Jack
07:39Matt TV asked me to come out here and talk to you about what Thanksgiving means to me. I thought cool
07:44Yeah, I thought weird. I mean doesn't Thanksgiving mean the same thing everybody means like you know Thanksgiving
07:49You know you like eat with your family, and you're like all thankful. I mean the way you are when somebody gives you something
07:55Whoa, wait a minute like thanks and then giving see this is where you got the name
07:59I mean only thing is you don't say thanks before somebody gives you something. It's not like thanks and then giving you know
08:05It's like giving and then thanks
08:08Although I guess even if it was thanks and then giving I mean you still have to say thanks afterwards be like thanks giving thanks
08:14It's got a long name for a holiday. Either way. It's cool. There's always pie
08:26In the spirit of Thanksgiving the food channel presents a very special edition of cooking with Kenny and James built on location at the have a heart rescue mission
08:34With your host Kenny Rogers
08:36And the godfather of soul food mr. James brown jr.
08:50Featuring spoon tank and the James brown jr quartet
08:53Rear it do the tickets
09:03Happy Thanksgiving everybody. You know mama rogers used to always tell me to think of folks less fortunate at least one time a year
09:11Hey, thanks while we're here cooking Thanksgiving dinner for all these poor folks down on their luck
09:17Hey, hey, snoopy, raise it, lazy, roll, roll
09:23Hey, hey, hold on old timer
09:25The first thing we got to do is show the folks at home the secret to cooking a good turkey
09:29Hey, guys
09:30What's the secret to cooking a good turkey?
09:32Do some candy
09:34Uh, save the cookie
09:35Good
09:36Top
09:37Take it
09:38Top
09:39All right
09:40Stalky boy
09:41Mmm, mmm
09:42I love good stuff
09:43Good stuff
09:44Don't you for T-shirt
09:45And how?
09:46And how?
09:50Hi, Johnny
09:51What have you been to good stuffin?
09:54Well, good
09:55Hey, you wanna have a little bit of brown jr.
09:59Uh
10:00And so the better
10:01Hoodoo, hoodoo
10:02And the boodaloo
10:03Red drum
10:05And a little bit of
10:06Uh
10:07I love this
10:08The Lebanese hash
10:10Uh
10:12Hey
10:13Where's the damn food?
10:15Kick your shirt on, Donald Trump
10:18I'm just kidding
10:21Now we need to need the ingredients
10:24Hey, that's about some meat and music
10:28Hey, guys
10:29Why'd you go fetching them turkey?
10:31Uh
10:32Go get turkey
10:33Nah
10:34Go
10:35Can't wait
10:36Put turkey on
10:37All right
10:38Put turkey
10:39On the head
10:40Uh
10:41Uh
10:42Uh
10:43Uh
10:44Uh
10:46Uh
10:47Uh
10:48Now do the rabbit chicken
10:53All right
10:54We got some hungry people here
10:55So we're gonna have to speed things up
10:56Hey, James
10:57Smell me one of them turkeys
10:59Uh
11:01Uh oh
11:02Whoopsie daisy
11:03Dirty bird
11:04It's a good thing I'm kickin' instead of playin' football
11:06Mmm
11:07But the thing I'll be in L.A.
11:09Boo
11:10Hey
11:11Hey
11:12Hey
11:13Hey
11:14Hey
11:15All right
11:16Let's get the stuff
11:17This is my favorite part
11:18Couple handfuls ought to do it
11:20Hey
11:21Where's my stuff and music?
11:24Yeah, that's right
11:25Get a wide, wide, wide up in there
11:28Come on
11:29Quit fisting our dinner
11:31And give us some grub
11:33All right
11:34All right
11:35All right
11:36Now the next thing we gotta do
11:37Is pop this here baby in the oven
11:39Finally
11:40Now here's the secret to a dead turkey
11:45Slow cookin'
11:46In just six and a half hours
11:48We're gonna have ourselves one tender bird
11:51Six and a half hours?
11:52We can't wait
11:53We wanna eat now
11:59Hey James
12:00Now might be a good time
12:01To show the folks at home the finish product
12:03Thank you
12:04But you know
12:05Ain't that a pretty picture?
12:08Ain't that a pretty picture?
12:19And that's what I call a bum rock
12:22Heaven ain't given
12:24I need some little hay
12:33I wonder what that man isn't like
12:35I wonder what that man isn't like
12:36Will not risk
12:50It's homic it's a killer
12:51Oh my god
12:52What are you doing?
12:53I'm fixing my tatters
12:54So they look bigger alright
12:55No, you are?
12:56Why are you doing that to yourself?
12:57You look like a skankabronah
12:59You look like a skankabronah
13:00Okay, Mira, you don't even know because God gave you big tatas.
13:05God bless you for doing that too.
13:06Okay, so like, what was our favorite Thanksgiving?
13:10Oh, it was, it was that one time when we were watching that show.
13:17What?
13:17The show in store with the people, people on the show.
13:21Oh, yeah, yeah, cops.
13:23Yeah, yeah, cops, cops.
13:24Okay, Mira, we were watching it over at Melina's house, right?
13:27Yeah, yeah, because Lina was outside and everything.
13:29Because her boyfriend, Maurice, had ditched her for that slut, Rosa.
13:33Rosa, you a dead bitch.
13:35Now, let's go back up.
13:37Yeah, so like, we was watching cops.
13:39Oh, yeah, yeah, and then the cops, remember, they went into the house?
13:43Yeah, yeah, because they were like, because this girl had robbed the store.
13:45Yeah, yeah, and she had taken a bunch of stuff.
13:48Yeah.
13:48And stuff.
13:49Yeah, yeah, so like, the cops, they had kicked down her door and they had arrested her.
13:53Yeah.
13:53And guess who it was?
13:55Oh, oh, it was that skanky slut, Rosa.
13:57Yeah, Rosa, you shot me at this slut.
14:00All right.
14:02And you, uh, we ate some turkey, I think.
14:05Yeah, because we had turkey, because it's all about friendship, you know.
14:08That's right.
14:08Yeah, all right.
14:09Right.
14:10All right.
14:10Oh, my God, your tetas are so big.
14:12Yeah.
14:13What's wrong?
14:13You know what?
14:21It's really very nice spending Thanksgiving with you guys.
14:24Thank you guys for coming.
14:26We love having a big, homey Thanksgiving.
14:29And hey, the potatoes were delicious.
14:31Oh, yeah.
14:31Oh, I made those.
14:36Well, does anyone want thirds before dessert?
14:39Well, hit me.
14:40I'll love some.
14:42Oh, you got it.
14:43Okay.
14:48Oh, that hit the spot.
14:51Good.
14:51Well, there's plenty left.
14:53Don't mind if I do.
14:56Okay.
14:58I got it.
14:59I got it.
15:00There we go.
15:01More?
15:01Yes.
15:02Oh, Kate.
15:02Yes, yes.
15:03Oh, oh, these are good.
15:05Yeah.
15:05Oh.
15:05I'm just going to go ahead and clear the plate, then.
15:24Hit me again.
15:28Very well.
15:29Could you hand me the potatoes, please?
15:32Oh, yeah.
15:32Well, that's it for the potatoes.
15:42I'm so full.
15:43I can't breathe.
15:45Of course, I could go make another batch.
15:47Do it!
15:49You're hurting me.
15:51I don't know.
15:56Bill.
15:56Bill.
15:57You don't know what you're doing.
15:59I know exactly what I'm doing.
16:02Where's the turkey?
16:05Oh, my God.
16:06Oh, my God.
16:07That's why you have to stagger the turkey.
16:10I know.
16:10I know.
16:10I'm not.
16:11Keep cooking new ones.
16:12I'm not.
16:13I don't know.
16:13Please, don't worry.
16:15I want a steady stream of turkey.
16:18I'm talking.
16:20Oh, no.
16:23Oh, no.
16:23Oh, no.
16:25Oh, no.
16:25Oh, no.
16:26Oh, no.
16:27Oh, no.
16:27Oh, no.
16:27Oh, no.
16:28Oh, no.
16:28Oh, no.
16:29Oh, no.
16:59It's much better.
17:01Maybe this is inappropriate, but I made some pie for dessert.
17:06I don't think that.
17:07It's okay.
17:10I'd like some.
17:11Okay, I'll go and get it.
17:15I stayed up all night making it.
17:16Oh, yeah.
17:17She's not kidding.
17:17She's not kidding.
17:17She did.
17:18Really?
17:18Remember that song?
17:19Oh.
17:19It's not good.
17:20You're a lucky man, Peter.
17:21Here it is.
17:23Oh.
17:24Oh.
17:24Oh.
17:25There.
17:26Oh.
17:27Oh.
17:27Oh.
17:27Even the crust is perfect.
17:29Oh, thank you.
17:30Pumpkin.
17:31Pumpkin, my favorite.
17:31It is.
17:32It is.
17:32You know what, honey?
17:33It looks fantastic.
17:34Enough chatting.
17:35Try the pie.
17:35I don't even know if it's any good.
17:36It looks good.
17:38Uncle Bill, my great-grandmother was the first person to ever wear blue jeans.
17:42Oh, I did not know that.
17:43Ever?
17:44Wow.
17:45Ever.
17:47Hey, Bill.
17:47You got any money on the game?
17:50Well, I'm not supposed to, so I'll say I don't.
17:53I heard a very good answer.
17:56Thank you very much.
17:57You know, I almost made lemon meringue, but she said pumpkin's your favorite.
18:01Pumpkin is his absolute favorite.
18:03It really is.
18:03Ever since I was a kid.
18:04Oh, gosh.
18:05Me too, actually.
18:07Oh, God.
18:10Oh.
18:11Oh.
18:11Oh.
18:12Oh, God.
18:16Oh.
18:18Oh.
18:20Oh.
18:25And now, Snapshot Story with Pat Kilbane.
18:28I had a little time off work today, and so I decided to go buy myself a fruit drink.
18:36But when I got to my parking space, I noticed there was a different car there.
18:42I know.
18:43I'd better go and talk to the lot manager, Mr. Davis.
18:47And so I walked and walked over to where Mr. Davis was.
18:53He was glad to see me.
18:55We talked about golf, race car driving, and dancing.
19:01Then I told Mr. Davis that there was another car in my spot, and my car was gone.
19:08Mr. Davis said, let's go over there right now and get to the bottom of this.
19:16We walked and walked right over to the scene of the crime.
19:21Well, here it is, I said.
19:24You're right, said Mr. Davis.
19:27That's not your car in the least.
19:29That's what I was telling you, I said.
19:32Well, you were right, said Mr. Davis.
19:35I wonder where your car is.
19:38I don't know, I said.
19:40And I really want that fruit drink.
19:43Suddenly, Andrew Bowen, an actor I act with on the show, walked up to us.
19:53Is this your car, Andrew?
19:55Asked Mr. Davis.
19:57Yes, said Andrew.
19:58Andrew, we explained to Andrew that this was my spot, and you shouldn't just park anywhere you want.
20:05I asked him where my car was.
20:08When he didn't answer, Mr. Davis asked him where my car was.
20:14Apparently, he had no idea.
20:18I told him how much I liked working with him, and that I would pick him up a fruit drink.
20:23Andrew apologized, saying it was all his fault, and that it would never happen again.
20:32Mr. Davis and I said that it was no problem, and we all had a good laugh at the mix-up.
20:40That's when I noticed my car was parked in a different spot.
20:46Obviously, somebody moved my car from my spot and parked it in Andrew's spot.
20:52Who could have done such a thing, I said.
20:56Andrew and Mr. Davis said they would find out who did it and make sure it never happened again.
21:02It's nice to have such good friends.
21:05And so, I was off to get my fruit drink after all.
21:10I think we all learned a lesson today.
21:14Always respect the parking spot of others.
21:18This has been a Snapshot story.
21:21With Dr. Davis.
21:27Okay, Miss Swan, it's Thanksgiving.
21:29Please tell us what you're thankful for.
21:31Okay, okay.
21:33I tell you, it's here.
21:34My name is Cindy.
21:35No.
21:36Here, he's Cindy.
21:36I was just going to say hello.
21:38No.
21:38No.
21:53Okay, Miss Swan, it's Thanksgiving.
21:56Please tell us what you're thankful for.
21:58Yeah, okay.
22:01Now?
22:01Could you do that for us now?
22:03Okay, okay.
22:04Okay, I tell you, I have tea.
22:06Okay.
22:07I thanks to all the people who come to go to the gorgeous pretty booth in the salon.
22:13All the time.
22:14Except for Mrs. Johnson, you know, because she no tea.
22:18You know?
22:19So cheap, you know.
22:20And all the time she talking, talking, talking about the husband.
22:25And they say, but the secretary, you know.
22:28And she told me that if this secretary had all the pricks outside that she had inside, she'd be a porcupine.
22:37Okay, Miss Swan, remember these things you're thankful for.
22:48Okay, thanks to you.
22:50I also thanks to my health and to the mythic milkshake.
23:00Oh, good.
23:01And I thanks to Mr. Snipes.
23:03Well, you mean Wesley Snipes?
23:06Oh, yeah.
23:07I love that big black man, you know.
23:09Okay, so you're thankful for your health, your job, and Wesley Snipes.
23:15Yeah, okay.
23:16Okay, then.
23:18You can go.
23:19Okay.
23:21You go.
23:22Miss Swan, it's done.
23:24You can leave.
23:26Okay, you leave.
23:29Hey.
23:31You're going.
23:32Come on.
23:33I'm not going to tell you to go.
23:35I do not mean it.
23:37I am a woman, you know.
23:39Sometimes I say things I do not mean.
23:43Because I am a complex creature, okay?
23:49I'm okay.
23:51Only little Thanksgiving blues.
23:54Hi, turkey.
23:57Gobble, gobble, gobble.
24:01We are now loading all first-class passengers, passengers traveling with small children,
24:06and children traveling alone on flight 267 to Chicago at gate 35.
24:13Like I was saying, Mrs. Larkin, there's nothing for you to worry about.
24:16Oh, I'm just so nervous about my baby flying on a plane all alone.
24:20It's his first time flying by himself, you know.
24:23Oh, I know.
24:23But don't worry.
24:24We deal with this situation all the time.
24:26Where is your little boy?
24:27Oh, he went to the little boy's room.
24:29He had to make brown bubbles.
24:30Oh, there he is.
24:33Shut it!
24:39Stuart, where did you get that devil dog?
24:43I found it on the floor.
24:45Well, you can't eat that.
24:46What did Mama say about the devil dog?
24:48I don't want to say.
24:49What does Mama say about the devil dog?
24:52I don't want to say.
24:55Devil dogs look like cream-filled poop.
24:58That's right.
24:59Mama doesn't want you eating poop.
25:01Now, Stuart, no.
25:02Don't you eat that.
25:03You've had enough sugar today.
25:05You're going to get the diabetes.
25:08Oh, he loves snacking.
25:11Now, Stuart, this is the nice lady that's going to help you on your flight.
25:14Go on, come over here.
25:15Let me do it.
25:16Go on and go over.
25:18Let me do it.
25:18Go on.
25:20Hi, Stuart.
25:21My name is Cindy.
25:23No.
25:25That's very sweet, honey.
25:26I was just going to say hello.
25:27No.
25:29He's going to see his daddy for Thanksgiving.
25:32He left us on Tuesday, you know.
25:35Well, we'd better get Stuart seated.
25:38Okay, come on, Stuart.
25:39Let's get on the plane.
25:40I don't want to go on the plane.
25:41Well, come on.
25:42It's time to board.
25:43Let's get on the plane and go.
25:44Come on, let's go right now.
25:46Now, that ticket was expensive, and if you don't get on, your daddy's not going to pay
25:50me back.
25:51So, where's your jacket?
25:56I don't remember.
25:58Oh, you know what?
26:00You probably left it at the Cinnabon stand, and now I'm going to have to go and get it.
26:05Oh, would you try and get him on the plane?
26:07And no matter what he tells you, no more candy, Stuart, or your goo-goo balls won't drop.
26:14I don't want some candy.
26:15I want candy.
26:16Well, just hurry, because we're boarding right now.
26:18So, if you could...
26:19Hurry.
26:21Well, Stuart, do you want to get on the plane?
26:23I don't want some candy.
26:25Stuart, you know, we're going to have so much fun.
26:27Listen, we're going to go way high up in the sky, and when we get up there, if you look
26:34out the window, all the cars on the street...
26:37All the cars, they look like tiny little ants.
26:43You've seen tiny little ants before, haven't you, Stuart?
26:48Good.
26:49Well, we're going to have so much fun, and I would love if we could just get on the flight
26:53next...
26:53Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
26:58Now boarding passengers in rows 25 through 35, rows 25 through 35, now boarding.
27:11Stuart, that's not yours.
27:13No!
27:14Stuart, that's not yours to play with.
27:15No!
27:17Stuart, that is the property of the airlines, and that is...
27:19No!
27:19I'm going to ask for that back, right, Stuart?
27:22Stuart, what are you doing?
27:23You stop that right now, and you give that back to the lady.
27:25That is not a toy.
27:27No!
27:27Stuart, you give that back.
27:30Go and give it back.
27:31Let me do it.
27:37Can you please...
27:38Let me do it!
27:39Oh, fine, fine, fine.
27:42Look what I can do.
27:46Okay, now, enough dawdling, let's get you on that plane, Stuart, come on.
27:51No, I want some candy.
27:52Oh, no time for candy.
27:54I want some candy, candy, candy.
27:55If I give you some candy, will you get on the flight?
27:57Yes, I want some.
27:58I have some Skittles right here.
28:00Do you want some Skittles?
28:00Here you go.
28:01I don't know which color.
28:03Well, just pick one.
28:06Here you go.
28:07Okay, no, that's enough.
28:08Want some more candy?
28:09Stuart, no more.
28:10Stuart, that's enough.
28:11You want some more?
28:12You want me?
28:13Look at the candy.
28:14I'll get her.
28:14We're not going to get into the store.
28:15Look what I can do.
28:23Oh, I miss them already.
28:29Me too.
28:30Me too.
28:30What do I have to be thankful for?
28:44Well, my family, my guns, and my ancestors, who cleared out the natives to make room for Americans.
28:53Thanksgiving, the holiest of American holidays.
28:57Now the destruction of the Indian way of life by our pilgrim forefathers has finally been set to music.
29:02The Darlene McBride way.
29:04You'll get all her classic hits like I'm Thankful.
29:07I'm Thankful for all the little things we've done.
29:12I'm Thankful we got those gays on the run.
29:16I'm Thankful we won this land with a gun.
29:20Because if they were Americans, we wouldn't call them Indians.
29:25Arrows against bullets.
29:27What were they thinking?
29:28Hold on to your scalp, because Darlene is serving up a heap big helping of her heap big hits.
29:34Just listen to Big Chief Sitting Pretty.
29:37Big Chief Sitting Pretty in his teepee with his graves.
29:41Sounds like our founding fathers overlooked the source of slaves.
29:47Talk about wasting your natural resources, huh?
29:51You'll also get pee-pee on your teepee.
29:55Geronimo Dances with White Women.
29:58Peyote Coyotes.
30:00How, how, how do I get a job?
30:03And who can forget Darlene's classic, Mr. Dothead.
30:07I'll have a slurpee and some jerky, Mr. Dothead.
30:12Throw some Marlboro breads in there, too.
30:17And a spread shop lotto ticket, Mr. Dothead.
30:21If I win, I'll buy this store and fire you.
30:27Darlene McBride.
30:28She's a real Native American.
30:31You haven't celebrated Thanksgiving until you've walked a mile in Darlene McBride's moccasins.
30:36Darlene McBride's Thanksgiving.
30:38Have your wampum ready and call now.
30:41Operators are standing by.
30:44Hell, hell.
30:46How in the hell could you live without it?
30:48Go.
30:57Go.
30:58Go.
30:59Go.
31:00Go.
31:02Go.
31:02Go.
31:03Go.
31:03Go.
31:04Go.
31:07Go.
31:08Boom.
31:08Mad TV.
31:10All right.
31:11My name is Sally Kowalski and there's three things I like about Thanksgiving.
31:15It's the food, the beer, and football!
31:19Yeah!
31:20The game starts at 1 o'clock, so you gotta start chowing about 8 a.m. sharp.
31:25Just kick off your meal with some pickles, right, so to get the juices flowing.
31:30That's right.
31:31Then head on down to the triple-level Jell-O with the coconut strings.
31:36Yeah! All right!
31:38Then do an end run on down, because you got sweet taters with schmoes.
31:41Talk with the schmoes.
31:43Wow! Yeah!
31:44All right!
31:45Gramps, you gotta catch that pass from Gramps, because he's got rutabagas coming at you with cinnamon!
31:52Cinnamon!
31:54With cinnamon!
31:56Cinnamon!
31:58Cinnamon!
31:59Cinnamon, yeah!
32:00All right!
32:02Hook, hook, hut!
32:03Time for some touchdown turkey.
32:05Now listen up!
32:06You gotta have that butterball soaking in beer for about a week beforehand.
32:10That's right!
32:11And then you gotta stuff it with broth and cheddar.
32:13Go!
32:14And then when she's done, just choke her back, grab yourself a pitcher of gravy, and start
32:19chugging, my friend.
32:21Chug, chug, chug, chug!
32:22More!
32:23More!
32:24All right, it's fourth and goal.
32:25You know what you gotta do?
32:26So listen up!
32:27You gotta puke it all back up, because you've got pecan and pumpkin pies coming!
32:32That's right!
32:33Oh, yeah!
32:34Grab a sixer, head to the lazy boy, sit down next to the tuberino and watch some football!
32:41That's right!
32:42Eat!
32:43Sit!
32:44Puke!
32:44Football!
32:45All right, go Thanksgiving!
32:48Yeah!
32:49Go, turkeys!
32:50On behalf of my friends and family, I'm thrilled to welcome our new neighbor, Mr. Happy Folger, to our Thanksgiving table.
33:04Thank you!
33:05It was so kind of you to invite me, a total stranger, into your home.
33:11No one should be alone on Thanksgiving.
33:13I agree.
33:15It's just a shame that all of my family members have died.
33:18If it's all right with you, I'd like to share a memory of the last Thanksgiving I spent with them.
33:23Well, that would be lovely.
33:25All right.
33:26May I?
33:27Please.
33:28All right.
33:32We were spending the holiday in our mountain cabin.
33:36There had been a blizzard and we were snowed in.
33:39It looked like a Norman Rockwell painting,
33:41were it not for the fact that all of our food had been left behind by our idiot cook, Kizzy.
33:48Now, we were snowed in and starving, so I put two and two together,
33:52and I buried a hatchet into Kizzy's big black butt cheeks.
33:56Soup was on!
33:58Um, thank you.
33:59Uh, let's eat.
34:00Wait, there's more.
34:01Now, remember, we were all very hungry.
34:04So my family gobbled on Kizzy's corpse like it was a giant chocolate Easter bunny.
34:09Now, I myself preferred the taste of white meat, so I turned on my family, one by one.
34:16I started with my nephew and shish-kebobbed him with a ski pole.
34:20Threw him into the fire.
34:21Flam me!
34:22Yes.
34:23With all due respect, I'm going to have to ask you to stop.
34:26Wait, there's more.
34:27My mother's face turned into a ham hock in front of my very eyes.
34:32So I grabbed a machete and sliced her into cold cuts.
34:35That night, my baloney had her first name, M-O-T-H-E-R.
34:41My obese daughter, Charlotte, was halfway through the phrase,
34:45Stop, Daddy, stop!
34:47When I ran a box cutter up a spide and pulled out her skeleton with one pole.
34:52Mr. Folger, you have gone the ball.
34:53Please, there's more, please.
34:55Then, to stay warm, I stepped into a skin and wore it like a giant blubbery jumpsuit.
35:01Oh, enough!
35:03My grandson was a smart little son of a bitch.
35:06He'd escaped into the woods.
35:08Lucky for me, he was easy to track because he was a cripple.
35:12You were sick!
35:13Wait, please hold.
35:14Please hold, please.
35:16All I had to do was follow the trail he made with his wheelchair.
35:20Yes.
35:21So, remember, please bear in mind, I was still wearing his mother's flesh.
35:26All right.
35:27And then, doing my best imitation of her voice, I called out his name.
35:32Colin, Colin, it's Mama.
35:34You're safe.
35:35He was so happy to hear me, he flopped out of his wheelchair onto his flipper-like arms into the stone.
35:41And that's when I descended upon him like a wolverine, ripping out his entrails with my teeth.
35:48No more, Mr. Folger, please leave my house now!
35:53All right.
35:55But not before dessert!
35:56Oh, it's the artist formerly known as friend!
36:12Ha-ha!
36:13We're gonna have ourselves an orgy!
36:17Who wrote this?
36:18I wrote what?
36:19Dear Shaq, you tall son of a biatch.
36:22Ha-ha!
36:24Ha-ha!
36:25Ha-ha!
36:26And now, a MADtv classic.
36:38It's good to be back.
36:40I was on vacation in Nova Scotia for a few...
36:43All units, we have reports of a drunken citizen in the corner of a living to chill.
36:47Putty responding.
36:48Bad toys, bad toys!
36:51Hey!
36:51Let's put the gun down!
36:53What you gonna do when they press on you, bad toys?
36:57Clops.
36:57Filmed frame by frame with the animated men and women of law enforcement.
37:03Blow the man down.
37:05Blow the man down.
37:07Blow the man down.
37:08How you doing, buddy?
37:09Hey.
37:09You been drinking?
37:10Drinking?
37:11No, no, no, no.
37:12No drinking.
37:14Uh-huh.
37:15Is that your arm?
37:16My arm?
37:16No, no.
37:17That's your arm.
37:19All right.
37:20I'd like you to take a little test for me.
37:22I want you to touch your nose.
37:23No problemo.
37:25Oh, yeah.
37:26Yeah, that's great.
37:30Tell you what, Mr. Head.
37:31You and I are gonna take a little ride downtown.
37:33I don't wanna!
37:41I'm sorry.
37:42I didn't mean to.
37:43He's a little baked.
37:44So I'm just gonna take him downtown and let him sleep it off.
37:47This should come out, too.
37:48It's just cheese.
37:50It's cheddar.
37:50Buckle up!
37:56Um, hello.
37:57Yes.
37:57Good evening, sir.
37:59We have a report that you have a neglected animal on the premises?
38:02A neglected animal?
38:03Uh, no, sir.
38:04I'm sorry.
38:05I think you must have the wrong house.
38:07Well, uh, you do have a dog, don't you, sir?
38:09A dog?
38:11Um, yes, yes, yes.
38:12Can we take a look at him?
38:14Yeah, boy.
38:15Yeah, boy.
38:16Come on now.
38:17Come on now.
38:19Seems a little scared of you.
38:20Oh, no.
38:21He's just not good around strangers.
38:26He doesn't seem to like you two, does he?
38:29Oh, it's just how he claims.
38:31Get down, bro.
38:32So help me cut out your head in.
38:35That don't.
38:36Uh-oh.
38:38Hold on, hold on.
38:40Shouldn't bother a dog while he's eating, right?
38:43This is putty.
38:44I need an animal control van to 613 Beachwood.
38:47It's a dog-eat-dog world.
38:51Yeah, an employee went berserk in the, uh, Blanham Nuts factory.
38:55Uh-huh.
38:56Yeah, we got witnesses that say he's killed at least 10 other employees.
39:00Wow, this guy's crazy.
39:01Yeah, he's holed up in that office over there.
39:03I mean, call me crazy, but I got a bad feeling about this guy.
39:07All right, then, let's do it.
39:09Okay.
39:10Lock and load.
39:11TJ, round the back.
39:13Get in.
39:14Freeze.
39:15Don't move.
39:15Well, hello.
39:17Anyone care for some party mix?
39:19Take it slow, Peanut.
39:20I will not repeat myself.
39:21Put the weapon down.
39:22I got a beat on it.
39:23Okay, buddy, let go of that cashew.
39:26Gesundheit.
39:26Help me.
39:27Just put the nutcracker down.
39:29Put it down.
39:30Not a chance, clopper.
39:31We're all going down.
39:33Tonight's the night when everyone goes nuts.
39:35Don't do it, Peanut.
39:36Nobody has to get hurt.
39:38That's who?
39:39Now who's the nut, huh?
39:41Peanut, no.
39:44Oh, my.
39:45Oh, man.
39:46That's ugly.
39:46Apparently, he was just having a dispute with the company over the control of his image.
39:52He'd been hanging on to Sanity by the skin of his nuts for the last few years.
39:55But tonight, he finally cracked.
39:57Went in there, assaulted all those nuts.
40:00It's just sad.
40:01Life, it means peanuts.
40:29hope you had a lot of fun thanks for watching our show i'm just gonna take a sound i'm just
40:46gonna improvise make up a short little song here i don't even know what i'm gonna do
40:49i'm just gonna take a sound hope you had a lot of fun thanks for watching our show
41:00hope you had a lot of fun mad tv is our show
41:12happy thanks good night good night
41:19oh
41:23oh
41:27oh
41:29oh
41:31oh
41:33oh
41:39oh
41:45oh
41:47oh
41:49I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
42:03What are you doing?
42:05I can't even cry.
42:06I'm sorry.
Recommended
41:47
|
Up next
42:08
42:08
42:08
42:10
42:07
41:46
42:08
42:08
41:47
42:07
42:07
42:45
42:36
42:08
41:46
42:08
42:38
42:08
42:56
42:36
42:39
41:45
42:56
41:45
Be the first to comment