- 16 hours ago
Season 1 Episode 18
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01You are now watching the TV.
00:11Hey, this is an X-News update, and I am Amy.
00:15And I am, in fact, Marsh.
00:18The U.S. Treasury introduced a new $100 bill in order to deter counterfeiters.
00:24Oh, no! Does that mean I have to throw away my big bag of hundreds?
00:28Yes, and I have an idea for a face to put on this new $100 bill.
00:32How about the man?
00:35Yeah! Batmans!
00:38What? Batman!
00:44Um, in space news from outer space today,
00:48the space shuttle discovered space stuff from Jupiter.
00:53Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, space, space, blah, blah, blah, and blah.
00:57Look, the only reason we're going up to Jupiter is so that we can mess up another planet.
01:02Just, just unabomb another planet, why don't we?
01:05Okay, okay. Hi? Since when did unabomb become a verb?
01:09Um, hi? Since your nose has been spewing crud?
01:15What?
01:17Here?
01:18No.
01:19Here?
01:20Way in there.
01:21Is it gone?
01:22Wait, wait.
01:23Is it gone?
01:24That's the news!
01:25Is it gone?
01:26Has everyone seen that?
01:27Of course!
01:28There it is!
01:29That's what I need to do!
01:30Come on, man!
01:32Hey!
01:33Come on!
01:34Yes!
01:35Yes!
01:36No!
01:37Come on!
01:38Come on!
01:39Come on!
01:40Hey!
01:41Hey!
01:42You're so crazy!
01:48Hey!
01:49Ooh!
01:50Hey!
01:51Hey!
01:52Hey!
01:53You're so crazy!
01:56Hey!
01:57Hey!
01:58Hey!
01:59Hey!
02:00Hey!
02:01Hey!
02:02Hey!
02:03Hey!
02:04Hey!
02:05Hey!
02:06Hey!
02:07Hey!
02:08Hey!
02:09Hey!
02:10Hey!
02:11Hey!
02:12Hey!
02:13Hey!
02:14Hey!
02:15Hey!
02:16Hey!
02:17Hey!
02:18Hey!
02:19Hey!
02:20Hey!
02:21Hey!
02:22Hey!
02:23Hey!
02:24Hey!
02:25Hey!
02:26If I am watching MADtv
02:56I can't decide whether to be a model or a surgeon. Life is hard.
03:03That's Cody, former motorcycle cop and Navy SEAL.
03:06Basically, if you see Bryce doing anything, it's because he's imitating me.
03:10It's hard being cool. Cool like us.
03:16Next up is Jasmine and Morgan.
03:19We're the hottest on-again, off-again couple since Whitney and Bobby.
03:23Right now it's off again because Princess dies in town and I want to take my shot at royalty.
03:31That's Perry. He's the quiet one.
03:33It's not that I don't like the gang. I'm just a loner.
03:36But not the dangerous kind.
03:42Timber, she spent half her life in rehab and the other half drinking to forget it.
03:47I can't believe my 500 hours of community service doesn't include sex with firemen.
03:53Hey folks, it's Jack, but everybody calls him Axe.
04:00Think I'll go to Pennsylvania, wear Amish clothes and pistol whip tourists.
04:05If anyone calls me on it, I'll blame it on the Zima.
04:09I sure like Alicia, but man, she's frigid.
04:12I am not. I mean, I'm Alicia and I'm the good person in the cast.
04:18I just want us all to get along.
04:21Enjoy the show.
04:22Ciao.
04:31When headache pain strikes.
04:34Honey, are you okay?
04:35No. I've got a splitting headache.
04:39Feels like my head's in a vice.
04:41Well, here, honey. Try this.
04:42New Namprin pain reliever.
04:44Namprin?
04:45Mm-hmm. It's a new headache medication from Spishak Industries.
04:49It looks just like every other headache medication.
04:51Oh, no. Namprin's different. It goes to work in just five seconds.
04:55Five seconds? I'll try it.
04:58Now, don't you feel better?
05:01No. No. It's still there.
05:04Well, try two more.
05:09Oh, no. No. It's still...
05:18Oh! The Namprin is making it worse.
05:21This damn stuff is useless.
05:24Namprin, from Spishak Industries.
05:25Oh, my head. Damn you, Spishak!
05:28We're still working on it.
05:29And now, Unsolved Events returns with a mysterious case of the beauty and the beating.
05:30And now, Unsolved Events returns with a mysterious case of the beauty and the beating.
05:34And now, Unsolved Events returns with a mysterious case of the beauty and the beating.
05:39Beauty pageants.
05:40A celebration of womanhood, a celebration of camaraderie, a celebration of camaraderie, a
05:44you'd think so, until a senseless act of violence mars the whole event.
05:45And now, Unsolved Events returns with a mysterious case of the beauty and the beating.
05:46And now, Unsolved Events returns with a mysterious case of the beauty and the beating.
05:51And now, Unsolved Events returns with a mysterious case of the beauty and the beating.
06:04Beauty pageants.
06:05Beauty pageants.
06:06A celebration of womanhood, a celebration of camaraderie, you'd think so, until a senseless
06:11act of violence mars the whole event.
06:13And now, the moment that we've all been waiting for.
06:25This is exciting.
06:28The new Miss Environment for 1996 is...
06:32Of course, I was happy for winning.
06:34It was a dream that my mommy and I had for me since I was six years old.
06:39When I was little, my friends and I used to play beauty pageant, and I would always win.
06:45But if I knew someone was going to attack me for being the beautifulest, I never would
06:52have wanted the title.
06:54Really.
06:55Who would want to beat me up?
06:57I have never done anything to anyone.
07:01Ever.
07:02The new Miss Environment for 1996 is Miss Rainforest Kelly Byrne.
07:19Who could it be?
07:21I don't have any enemies.
07:23Everyone likes me.
07:25I just can't figure it out.
07:31Nobody knows what happened.
07:34It's a real, unsolved event.
07:37This security video of the events after the pageant shows the brutal and unprovoked attack.
07:42I remember we had just finished celebrating.
07:45The losers were drinking champagne, but I had mineral water because I was driving.
07:52I remember walking to the car.
07:55It was chilly out.
07:57I remember because I felt cold.
08:01When all of a sudden this person comes out of nowhere.
08:06And then just...
08:08Boom!
08:09And then...
08:10Boom!
08:11And then...
08:12Boom!
08:13And then...
08:14No!
08:15No!
08:16No!
08:18I'm sorry!
08:20I'm sorry!
08:21Mommy!
08:24I didn't get a clear look.
08:27Why?
08:28Why?
08:29Why me?
08:30Go!
08:35Who...
08:36Who...
08:37Who would?
08:38The police found this footage inconclusive.
08:41Yes!
08:44Now I'm even afraid to walk the streets of Rain Forest.
08:47if anyone has any information as to who could have hurt me please call my friends at unsolved events
08:58i want my life back minutes after this interview aired one of our viewers phoned the police with a
09:06tip within three weeks they had a suspect in custody miss rainforest kelly barnes was brought
09:11in to try and identify her attacker in a police lineup finally she would be face to face with her
09:18assailant once i saw the police lineup it was very clear to me number two
09:28finally the case of the beauty and the beating was solved
09:43what have i learned from this not to trust anyone because when you're the beautifulest
09:52some people like to beat you up
09:56well as you can see the chocolates and the caramels are doing well but the big problem is in the nut
10:08division go on well the customers are complaining that the macadamias are cracked the nut clusters
10:14are too salty and the walnuts are stale but that is dick blaine's job does that mean we're going to
10:18have to fire him i put dick on temporary suspension i told him we'd let him know
10:21and you feel this dawson fellow can take over oh definitely he's one of the best quality control
10:27people for the job oh by the way manny how's your hip ah still lousy
10:31lyle come in thanks for coming my pleasure
10:37carlin has been telling me great things about you lyle well i appreciate you bringing me in
10:42although i do have to admit i don't know the first thing about your operations here
10:45then let me cut right to the chase i need someone to handle my nuts
10:53excuse me it would be your job to personally make sure my nuts were well taken care of
11:04sound interesting well we're talking about two hundred thousand dollar a year salary plus
11:09bonuses and stock options
11:11you see lyle nuts are very very important to me as they were to my father and his father before him
11:21we tried automating at one point but let me tell you lyle
11:24that is the last time i will let a machine near my nuts
11:29they ended up all bruised and damaged you know nobody likes that you know
11:33no no no no no actually i was handling his nuts for a while
11:37but karen has enough on her plate without having to deal with my nuts
11:41besides i need someone who can give my nuts their undivided attention
11:47someone who can be hands-on yet gentle and appreciative
11:50is that so much to ask i guess not sometimes i like to coat my nuts in chocolate or honey you know
11:57yum yum yum yum yum oh my god
11:59so does that mean you'll take the job because let me tell you lyle
12:04when you walked in here i said to myself that's the man whose hands i want on my nuts
12:09um look could i have some time to think about this
12:15well uh that's gonna make it hard on dick
12:18jeff i hate to see dick hanging like duh
12:23i'm sorry i can't do this sketch
12:30lyle we need an answer right away
12:35uh i'd just like to take this opportunity to apologize
12:38um to my family my friends
12:43you the audience
12:45for taking part in this and many other sketches that are just infantile
12:50what do you say senor
12:53all i can say is i apologize
12:55do you think my nuts are something you could sink your teeth into
12:58okay dicks
13:01you know enough man we got the joke a long time ago all right
13:07lyle if you don't handle his nuts somebody else will
13:10si
13:12you know i expect this kind of thing from senor winces over here but
13:16yeah but you should be ashamed of yourself but
13:22but who will handle my nuts if that guy's not gonna
13:26my nuts will get out of control
13:33is there nobodies who will handle my nuts
14:03you
14:05have to be
14:06ask for
14:07you
14:09maybe
14:11you
14:12you
14:13you
14:15you
14:16need
14:20you
14:22need
14:24you
14:25need
14:27you
14:29Hey, this is an X News update, and I am Ami.
14:45And I am...
14:47What?
14:48You are not.
14:49You're Amy.
14:50Ami.
14:51Amy?
14:52Ami.
14:54Okay, all right, whatever.
14:55Ami.
14:57I am Mirsha.
14:59In business news today...
15:03Or in business nerds, Tau-D.
15:06In business news today...
15:08Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, Ami, what have you done with Amy?
15:16Amy is detaching herself from her oppressive parental strappings and the name they gave her.
15:22Oh, is Amy mad because her mom bought her a car and paid for her college?
15:28No, no.
15:29Okay, okay.
15:30One, they don't understand me.
15:33Two, they let me down.
15:35Three, they took away my gas card.
15:45Back to you, Marsh.
15:48Mark?
15:49Shut up.
15:50Shut up.
15:50Shut up.
15:51Huh?
15:52Shut up.
15:52That's the news.
15:53Shut up!
15:55Shut up!
15:56Shut up!
15:57Shut up!
15:58It's the heartwarming story of the year.
16:11Five years in the making.
16:13From a young boy cradling in his mother's arms, he grew up to be...
16:18Hey, Toots.
16:21Wanna roll around in your own filth?
16:27The biggest pig on the beach.
16:30He was Babe.
16:39Babe watch.
16:40Oh, I hate it when I get sand on my gum.
16:47Tell me about it.
16:48It's almost as bad as getting sand in your shorts.
16:51Oh, no.
16:54Danny, Dirk, Damien, Don, Carrie, Kasha.
16:57Look at the horrible mess.
16:59I thought the doctor did a good job.
17:02No, not this horrible mess.
17:04I meant that horrible mess.
17:07Oh, no.
17:08Danny, our poor beach.
17:10Carrie, we're never gonna get this clean in time for the loo out tonight.
17:13Who?
17:14Oh, who could have done such a thing, Damien?
17:16It was him, Carrie.
17:18That pig of a man over there.
17:20What a pig.
17:21He's like a human.
17:22Pig.
17:22Yeah, pig.
17:23Pig.
17:24Pig.
17:24Pig.
17:25Pig.
17:25Pig.
17:25Pig.
17:26Pig.
17:26Pig.
17:26Pig.
17:26Pig.
17:27You mean it, pig.
17:29Yeah, pig.
17:30Pig.
17:31Hey, I'm Babe.
17:33Wanna roll and muck?
17:35Listen here, you pig.
17:36You've made a mess of the beach.
17:37Aw, gee.
17:38I was just rummaging through the garbage here for a tasty snack.
17:42I didn't mean any harm.
17:44Hey, I think he means it, Dirk.
17:47He's kind of cute, Danny.
17:48Yeah, well, that's all fine, Kasha.
17:50But who's gonna clean up this mess?
17:51What with a loo out just hours away?
17:53Hey, if you guys need help, I'll be a lifeguard while you just clean the beach.
17:58What a brilliant queen.
17:59Get great out of here.
18:00Thanks.
18:01What are you doing?
18:02Hold it, Damien and Don.
18:04He can't go around the beach like that.
18:06Aw.
18:07Pig can't be like ours.
18:09Pig can't be like ours.
18:12Oh my God!
18:34Oh my God!
18:36Finally, our beach is clean, Carrie.
18:52Now we can have our lua.
18:54Help, I'm drowning!
18:55Oh, no, a drowning person, Damien!
18:58Lifeguards, let's bring it to action.
19:01Stop drowning, jerk!
19:02Yeah, don't run me!
19:06Booze!
19:06We're drowning!
19:08Whoa!
19:09Here he is, here we go!
19:11Babe, don't get rid of you!
19:14Wait, wait, wait, wait!
19:18That's no way to treat a drowning person.
19:20You should run out and grab them and pull them to safety.
19:23Babe, drowners are panicky and stupid.
19:25You've got to show them who's boss.
19:26I don't think we understand, babe.
19:29Why don't you show us how, babe?
19:31Okie-dok!
19:32Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold it, Jimmy.
19:34Shouldn't he wait a half hour after he eats before going swimming?
19:37He's right!
19:38Aw, shucks!
19:39Those are people rules!
19:41Ha, ha, ha, ha!
19:43Ha, ha, ha!
19:44Ha, ha.
19:47Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
19:51Ha!
19:51I'm going to get some more food.
20:14This is delish.
20:19You know what, guys?
20:20I think this might be the best summer ever.
20:24More babe, anyone?
20:26Ooh, this'll do, Kimmy.
20:30This'll do.
20:31Help me!
20:32I'm so proud of you!
20:35Stop bothering our luo, you spaz-a-cated idiots!
20:39Shut up!
20:40Shut up!
20:42The end of it.
20:44The other white bee.
20:48When headache pain continues to strike.
20:54Oh, honey, what's wrong?
20:56I have a splitting headache.
20:57Again?
20:58No, not again.
20:59It's the same one.
21:02Oh, God.
21:03I'm hemorrhaging.
21:04Oh!
21:05I bled all over your table.
21:06I ruined it.
21:07I'm sorry.
21:08Oh, relax, honey.
21:09It's no problem when you've got super sops from Spishak Industries.
21:13From the makers of Namprin comes super sops.
21:17Let's watch how the leading brand leaves stains behind.
21:20Ooh, okay.
21:24Now let's try super sops from Spishak.
21:26Mmm.
21:29Super sops from Spishak.
21:34We're still trying.
21:37Oh, God.
21:38My head.
21:39Coming up on MADtv.
21:41Hey, Flava Flav.
21:42Do you have to wear a clock around your neck all the time?
21:45Why don't you try new extra strength Namprin Plus?
21:49It's from Spishak.
21:51You are now watching MADtv.
22:08The Plotville Police Department could not be prouder to announce that last night we made
22:13the single largest seizure of cocaine in this town's history.
22:17Chief, was this the first seizure in this town's history?
22:20That too.
22:21And according to the boys in the lab over in Springdale, this is a whole lot of drugs.
22:27Chief, the press release says there were 50 kilos of cocaine seized, and I only count
22:3249.
22:33Do you know what happened to the missing kilo?
22:34Well, for the answer to that, you're going to have to ask the real heroes, Officer Putlow
22:39and Officer Lee.
22:40Hi.
22:41Hi.
22:42Hi.
22:43Hi.
22:44Hi.
22:45Hi.
22:46Hi.
22:47Hi.
22:48Hi.
22:49Hi.
22:50Hi.
22:51Officer Pudlow, do you know where the fiftieth kilo of cocaine is?
22:55I don't know.
22:56I don't know.
22:57No, no, no, no.
22:58Officer Lee, wasn't there a marijuana seized last night as well?
23:02Huh?
23:03Was there any marijuana?
23:07Was there marijuana?
23:08Was there what?
23:10Was there marijuana?
23:11What is it?
23:12What is it?
23:13What is it?
23:13What?
23:17And let me add to that, that officers Pudlow and Lee have been in the evidence room for
23:22the last 24 hours straight guarding these dangerous drugs.
23:26Yeah, yeah, I bet they have, Chief.
23:28I mean, don't you think they're acting rather strange?
23:30Well, if strange means 50 gazillion tons of drugs off the street, then put me down for
23:36a large order of strange.
23:37Can't you see that your officers are high on narcotics?
23:41What I see, Missy, is Officer Pudlow very excited about a big arrest.
23:47Yeah.
23:48And Officer Lee just full of joy about the self-same big arrest.
23:53You, sir, are under arrest.
23:55You have the right to mix.
23:56Why are you protecting them, Chief?
23:58Look here, Platteville does not need any liberal, communist, big city media types coming down
24:04here raining on our parade.
24:06Yeah.
24:06You are looking at two of the finest cops in this state, heck, in the whole USA.
24:11Yeah.
24:12And they are as pure as the driven snow.
24:14I'll prove it to you right now.
24:16Are you two on any kind of drugs?
24:18Oh, yeah.
24:20Really?
24:21Oh, yeah.
24:23Thanks, Chief.
24:24This is going to make a great story.
24:25Yeah.
24:26Hold on, hold on now.
24:27Now, you could go and write it that way, sell a few papers, but, you know, we haven't filed
24:34the report on this yet.
24:35I mean, there were 49 kilos seized, and there's eight of you.
24:40What's to keep us from saying there weren't 41 kilos seized?
24:44Hey, that sounds like a bribe, Chief.
24:47Mm-hmm.
24:48Well, how does this sound?
24:50Help yourselves, everybody.
24:52And let me just say, for the record, drugs are bad.
24:57Right.
24:58Yeah.
24:59Get that down.
25:00Okay.
25:10Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a warm welcome to a good friend of ours, from Kids in the Hall,
25:15Bruce McCullough.
25:25Before I begin, I'd just like to say that I have some wonderful news I'd like to share with
25:28you this week.
25:29My wife just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy.
25:37Actually, I'm lying.
25:38I'm single and impotent.
25:40Yeah!
25:40But I did have some good news this week.
25:43I got drunk and stole a chair from a laundromat.
25:47Oh, it's that kind of crowd, is it?
25:49I guess I'll need some topics.
25:57Don't you hate it when you go to a singles bar or a coffee bar?
26:01You pick up a woman, take her home, you have sex with her,
26:05then in the morning you realize that it's Elmer Fudd?
26:08People, please.
26:13If you keep watching them, they'll just keep making them.
26:18Use your heads.
26:19I don't watch music videos, because that's when hee-haw is on.
26:25I know world peace sounds like a good idea, but at what cost?
26:29See, I don't believe in pornography, and not for the obvious reason that my girlfriend
26:36is watching, but it just seems stupid to me.
26:40Like, why do women in porn films always wear their shoes?
26:43Is it to stay above the systematic degradation of women everywhere?
26:49Or is it so their feet won't get cold?
26:55Can you feel it?
26:56It's coming, the Olympics.
27:01Hey, Flava Flav, do you have to wear a clock around your neck all the time?
27:05Do you think that everybody that meets you needs to know what time it is?
27:10Don't you get sick of people coming up to you on the street and going,
27:13Hey, Flava Flav, I'd love to stay and talk, but I'm late.
27:18See, I've got a clock in my head, and it always is set at the same time.
27:24Party time.
27:25I don't go to parties.
27:34No, Mom, I wasn't playing with myself in the bathtub.
27:38I was just cleaning it, and it went off.
27:46Love is a mad circling beast that you chase.
27:49You can smell its fur, but you can never see its face.
27:51Love is a sallow-eyed johnny that picks at your bones the moment it picks you.
27:56Sure is a lot of fun, though, eh?
28:01I don't know whose friends they are, but they're not mine.
28:05Can't even behave at a video shoot.
28:08People, please, if you keep watching them, they'll just keep...
28:12Oh, forget it.
28:15In conclusion, Bruce, what are you trying to say?
28:17I think it's pretty obvious.
28:18See, I'd love to dedicate my life to world peace, as symbolized by the Olympics.
28:24But as my friends know, between making gratuitous sex jokes,
28:28not watching rock videos, not watching porn when my girlfriend's home,
28:32I just don't have the time for world peace.
28:35Besides, that's when hee-haws on.
28:37Here we go.
28:56Reason number 54, because you're terrified of death.
29:00So I say to my departed husband, Greg,
29:13Honey, I will always feel your presence,
29:31because to me, you're not really dead.
29:36Thank you all for coming.
29:39Thank you, Jane.
29:42Now, many of you probably don't know the deceased as Gregory.
29:46I'm sure you've all heard his popular morning radio show,
29:50the Jack Cheese Drive Time Rock and Roll Commute on KRAC.
29:56And one of his co-workers, Adam Smasher, is here to say a few short words.
30:03All right.
30:04Hey, Bob.
30:06How you doing?
30:14Well, howdy, sad sisters and gloomy gusses.
30:16I'm Adam Smasher,
30:18better known as the Brown Bomber from KRAC,
30:20The Crack.
30:22And we're live here.
30:23Well, at least I'm live.
30:25Whoa!
30:26From the Evergreen Funeral Home,
30:28your all-day, all-dead mortuary
30:29for a little mourning in the morning.
30:31Help with the seating earlier.
30:32It took a couple of minutes to make my bladder gladder,
30:34and I'm back in the game here
30:35at 23 minutes on the high side of 9 o'clock.
30:38You know, in the immortal words of Blue Oyster Cult,
30:40Jack here did not fear the Reaper.
30:41And I know right now he's not driving down that highway to hell,
30:44but rather sashaying up that old stairway to heaven.
30:47Jack's only apparent problem was he couldn't drive 55,
30:50so he's knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door
30:53at five minutes this time.
30:54Adam, you're a little press for time,
30:56and I didn't expect you to...
30:57Wow!
31:00Always expect the unexpected
31:02when the Brown Bomber's on the graveyard ship, Padre.
31:04Okay, take a seat and enjoy the speech.
31:07I'd like to take a few moments here
31:09to acknowledge the lovely eulogy
31:10given by the Mrs. Cheester over here.
31:12That's right, the lovely Mrs. Cheester
31:14back on the single scene
31:15and looking hotter than a bowl of salsa.
31:17She was always a great wife,
31:19never unfaithful to her husband,
31:20except for that one time
31:21at the DJ's convention down in the Bahamas
31:23when she had one too many mint juleps
31:24and hooked up with Rich Lather
31:26from WPJT, the jammy.
31:28That's right, she was calling him her lover boy,
31:30and from what I hear,
31:31they were working for the weekend.
31:34God, if you had any decent...
31:36Well, if my aunt had balls,
31:37she'd be my uncle.
31:38Take a seat, sad sobber.
31:40You know, I'm gonna get out of here.
31:41You can cut the tension in this room
31:42with a hacksaw.
31:43That's right, a little bit too much
31:44grieving and bereaving going on for this guy.
31:46But before I go,
31:47I'm gonna take two lucky mourners with me.
31:49That's right, you won't have to sit
31:50through this sad funeral tonight
31:51because I got two tickets
31:53to the Styx reunion concert tonight
31:55at the Forum.
31:56Who wants these babies?
31:57Okay, Jake and the Fat Man,
31:59you're coming with me tonight to the Forum.
32:01Look out!
32:03And now, before we go,
32:04just let me hit you with this.
32:05A blast from the past,
32:06a platter that matters.
32:07Here's the Pina Colada song.
32:09Let's all remember what Greg would say
32:13if he were here.
32:14Don't drive drunk!
32:15Hey, we'll see you from
32:16the croc!
32:18When headache pain keeps striking.
32:37Vision is going gray.
32:40Going blind.
32:42And I can't feel my legs.
32:44Now, honey.
32:45Honey!
32:45I love you.
32:48But if I hear your voice again,
32:49I will find you and kill you.
32:51Now, honey,
32:52why don't you try
32:52new extra strength Namprin Plus?
32:55It's from Spishak.
32:57Okay.
33:02My headache's gone.
33:04I feel great.
33:06Thanks, Spishak.
33:11Oh, honey.
33:12Oh, my wrong.
33:16Don't work.
33:17Ultra Super with XP-21 from Spishak
33:19gets out the deepest, darkest brain stains.
33:22Hey.
33:22Hey, it actually works.
33:24Hey, guys, I think we lucked out.
33:25Did someone write down the formula?
33:27Oh, my God.
33:50Hey, hey.
33:51Hey, hey.
33:52Hey.
33:53Hey.
33:54Hey.
33:55Hey.
33:55Hey, hey.
33:55Hey, hey, hey.
33:56Hey.
33:56Oh, my God.
34:26Oh, my God.
34:56Hey, this is an X News update, and I am a me.
35:09And I am also a me.
35:11Shut up.
35:12Still in the news.
35:13Look, I am a me.
35:15Okay, hi.
35:17Shut your pie hole.
35:19Okay, now, for our X News editorial, here is my roommate, Sid.
35:23Sid?
35:24Hi, I'm Sid, and I'm having a real problem with a phone company.
35:29Ever since I got caller ID, I've been hearing these strange noises on my phone.
35:34I mean, how much more obvious do you need to be, CIA?
35:38It's really suspicious.
35:40Why don't you just hire a skywriter to spell out, Sid, we're watching your every move.
35:44I mean, every...
35:46What's the problem?
35:49See, I thought something was dead in our apartment, but apparently it is you.
35:54What are you talking about?
35:56Baby, you reach!
35:58Hey, I'm sorry I'm growing my dreads and I can't wash my hair.
36:02Just because you can't wash your hair doesn't mean you can't wash your butt, baby.
36:05Hey, I'm sorry, baby, for being myself around my friends who have obviously sold out to the man.
36:12Batman?
36:16Fine, why don't you just do the opinion piece, Marsh?
36:19Uh, excuse me, it's Mercia, and I have many, many opinions.
36:25Here is one.
36:30One, Sid is riding the stink train to Reek Town.
36:35Two, Sid should be arrested for going 1,000 stinks in a 30-stink zone.
36:40Three, if Sid was a dinosaur, she'd be Rikasaurus Rex, the king of the dino-stinks.
36:51And...
36:51Oh, okay, yeah, you're a real comedian.
36:56I happen to have the fourth thing.
36:57That's the news!
36:58I happen to have...
36:59Whatever!
36:59I happen to have the fourth thing!
37:02Whatever you did, I just...
37:04I got it!
37:13Damn it.
37:17Hey.
37:19Hey, sir.
37:19Sit down, Jerry.
37:21Thank you, sir.
37:22Let me get right to the point.
37:24All right, spare no details.
37:25All right.
37:26As you know, our profits here at Spishak Industries have been on the decline for the
37:32last eight months.
37:33You're telling me, sir, we made some huge mistakes.
37:36Frankly, sir, I don't know how we're still in business.
37:38Well, we want to stay in business, Jerry.
37:41Good plan.
37:41Okay.
37:42And as a result, we're being forced to streamline our company.
37:47To put it bluntly, we're going to have to let some people go.
37:50Whoa!
37:50Wow!
37:51Okay.
37:52My ears just went.
37:53Your ears just went?
37:54Yes, sir, all of a sudden.
37:55I mean, my ears, they just went.
37:57Well, okay.
37:58I was just saying that we're going to have to fire a number...
38:00Yo!
38:00Okay, what's going on with my ears?
38:02Oh, gosh, sir, this is weird.
38:03I mean, it's strange.
38:04I mean, I see your lips moving, but nothing.
38:07Can you hear me now, Jerry?
38:10Ah, yeah, I think so.
38:12You sure?
38:13Yeah, I think it's passed, sir.
38:15Okay.
38:16Well, we'll be firing a number of people.
38:18Whoa!
38:19Okay, something just went.
38:20In my ears.
38:21Jerry, you're not getting fired, Jerry.
38:25Oh, I'm not?
38:26Oh, good.
38:29You heard that?
38:30Oh, Alessia, yes, sir.
38:31Your ears all right?
38:32They can hear me now?
38:32Yep.
38:33Okay.
38:34Well, we'll be letting a lot of long-time employees go.
38:37I got you.
38:38And it's not going to be pretty.
38:39Understood, sir.
38:40Thank you very much.
38:41No, I'm going to need you to do the firing, Jerry.
38:43Whoa!
38:43Okay, they like this one.
38:44That's pain.
38:45That's definitely a pain.
38:46The knees won't help.
38:47Okay, just listen to me, Jerry.
38:48Whoa!
38:48They got my ears again.
38:49Tell you what, let me write it down.
38:54My eyes, sir.
38:55My eyes, I can't.
38:56Oh, this is just great.
38:57Jesus.
38:58Oh, I'm going to leave.
39:00Hell's balance, Jerry.
39:01I'm going to need you to fire these people today.
39:03I don't know, sir.
39:03Five or six.
39:04Five or six what, Jerry?
39:06Okay, how about Cleveland, sir?
39:07We set up an office in Cleveland.
39:08Are you still talking, sir?
39:09Look at me, Jerry.
39:11Where did you go?
39:12Look, look.
39:12I like you, Jerry.
39:13I really do.
39:14But if you can't handle this job and fire these people, I'm going to have to let you go as well.
39:19Do you understand, Jerry?
39:20Perfectly.
39:20You got a list.
39:21They're as good as gone, sir.
39:23All right.
39:23Here you go.
39:25I'm glad to see everything cleared up.
39:26Yeah, me too, sir.
39:28It's a bondage thing, isn't it?
39:29Yeah.
39:34Hope his ear problem doesn't come back.
39:37Go home, sir!
39:38Huh?
39:38Huh?
39:45Huh?
39:47Huh?
39:50Huh?
39:59Huh?
40:01Huh?
40:02Let's go.
40:32Let's go.
41:02Thanks for watching our little soap opera.
41:04We all bonded.
41:05We all worked through our problems.
41:07Tell you what.
41:07Group hug.
41:10Get your stinking paws off me, you grubby ape!
41:21Man, Alicia, you're frigid.
41:25You know better.
41:31Hey.
41:35Looks like I'm gonna get a little.
41:38Why don't we go to commercial while I get a little?
41:42My hands are stuck.
41:44That's because I'm sticky.
41:45I got that love stick.
41:51Oh!
41:51won't I?
41:52Whoa!
41:52Yeah!
41:53It's so quiet.
41:55I'm cooked.
41:55I won't play.
41:57Don't sleep.
41:58I won't pour anything.
41:58Then...
41:59Here...
41:59I'm ready to go.
42:00You
Recommended
42:07
|
Up next
42:08
42:56
42:08
41:47
42:08
42:01
42:05
42:38
42:34
42:31
42:27
42:36
42:36
42:38
42:55
42:45
42:45
41:47
42:56
42:56
42:39
42:56
42:42
41:47
Be the first to comment