- 4 hours ago
Season 1 Episode 17
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
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TVTranscript
00:00You're now watching MADtv.
00:30MADtv.
00:42MADtv.
00:46You're so crazy.
00:51Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
00:56If I'm not watching Mad TV
01:00Well, howdy, guys and gals, and welcome to Mad TV
01:11Let's take a look at the cast that's made you laugh for so many weeks now
01:15First up, we've got a woman known as the Vancombe Lady on the show
01:18The big question is, will she get a film deal from that character?
01:22You know what?
01:23Uh-uh, Nicole Sullivan!
01:32Next up, we've got a 6'2 vegetarian out of South Carolina
01:36He doubles as my roommate
01:38Let's all say howdy to Orlando Jones!
01:48Next up, we've got an improv comedian out of Detroit Rock City
01:57You want a great actress?
01:59I've got the horse right here
02:01Her name is Mary Sh...
02:03And speaking of sheer, here's sheer energy
02:15And I'm not talking about pantyhose
02:17I'm talking about the voluptuous Debra Wilson!
02:28That's my baby
02:29And now it's time to say a prayer for a couple of cats
02:33Who couldn't run as fast as I could
02:35Let's hear it for two guys
02:37Named David Herman and Phil Lemmer!
02:48And now let's meet a guy who makes up for his incredible lack of talent
02:53With great bone structure and a rocked-out ass
02:57Let's meet Brian Callen!
03:01And of course, what would a sketch comedy show be without the fat guy?
03:15That's me!
03:16Your friend and mine
03:17Artie Lange!
03:19We've got a great show for you tonight
03:30And it includes Claudia Schiffer and the lovely Kim Coles
03:34So stick around!
03:36All right!
03:39Best of all, you guys!
03:42You loved O.J.'s first post-trial video?
03:45O.J. Simpson, The Interview
03:46Did you kill Ron and Nicole?
03:48I did not kill Ron and Nicole
03:51Now enjoy the parts you didn't see
03:53I am 100% not guilty
03:57Um, I, uh, could not, um, line
04:04Have killed Ron and Nicole?
04:08Cut!
04:10Can I take another stab at it?
04:12It's O.J. Simpson, The Interview
04:14Bloopers, Bumbles and Boners
04:15The Wackiest, Most Outrageous Bleeps, Bloopers and Blunders of the Century
04:19From The Interview of the Century
04:21Now, O.J. supposedly ran back here
04:25And bumped his head on the air conditioning unit
04:28Dropping the bloody glove
04:30Now, I think I know where my own air conditioning unit is
04:34I was a running back in the NFL for many years
04:38Uh, avoiding linebackers
04:40I would really have no problem, uh, negotiating something like that
04:44Oh, O.J., you're cold?
04:46Yeah, I'm fine
04:48Who put that there, Furman?
04:49O.J. hasn't been noticed on the area since the towering inferno
04:57This is the glove that I allegedly wore on the night of the murders
05:03Now, as you can clearly see
05:05It does not fit
05:06As you can clearly see
05:10It does not fit
05:12As you can clearly see
05:14It does not fit
05:17Funnier than Johnny Cochran's Colombian drug lord defense
05:24So many, many questions
05:26Where's O.J.?
05:28Where's O.J.?
05:29Where's O.J.?
05:30Where's O.J.?
05:32Now, anyone who knows O.J. knows that I am first and forthright a family man
05:38I enjoy nothing more than tossing a football around with my firstborn son, Jordan
05:43It's Jason, Dad
05:44I knew that
05:45Goofier than Robert Shapiro's defense of Michael Jackson
05:52Battery is not just a one-way street
05:55And I, I tried to keep my cool
05:58I really tried
05:58O.J., one small thing
06:00Don't use the word battery
06:01It doesn't sound right
06:02That's what's on the computer
06:04That's what's on, that's what's on your computer
06:07That's what's on the computer
06:08Zanier than F. Lee Bailey's Big House Home Video
06:24When all is said and done, O.J., you're the only one who really knows what happened that night
06:29Yep
06:31O.J., only the real killers know
06:36Oh, oh, right
06:39In closing, I would like to say once again that I am 100% not guilty
06:47I did not commit these heinous murders
06:51And I will not rest until the real...
06:55I will not rest until the real killers are found
07:08Of the...
07:09I'm gonna take the back
07:17Wait
07:26All right, all right, all right
07:28You talk, O.J., you talk...
07:29O.J. Simpson, the interview
07:34Bloopers, blunders, and boners
07:35We've slashed the price
07:37A bargain at only $29.95
07:39Call 555-0132
07:42You are now watching the TV
07:59Reason number 80
08:12Our new easy-fit jeans are snug, but not too tight over adult diapers
08:17On March 9, 1996, the WB Network premiere of the single most offensive TV show of all time
08:27Became the most-watched TV show of all time
08:29Don't make me break my foot off in your ass
08:32Here's what people had to say about That's My White Mama
08:36DiAngelo said, I couldn't believe my eyes
08:39Bob Dole said, the people who watch television for me told me it was very offensive, so I'm against it
08:44And Strom Thurmond said, it was laugh-fensive
08:47Mama can break her foot off in my ass anytime
08:50Tonight's very special episode of That's My White Mama
08:54Deals with the problem of smoking in a frank, mature manner
08:57Parental discretion is advised
08:58Come on, Robert, why don't you give me some sugar?
09:02No, baby, I'll give you something else delicious to suck on
09:04Oh, Robert, you're so nasty
09:06Now, Robert, you know I'm not allowed to smoke
09:10Oh, come on, baby, everybody's doing it
09:12Yeah, but the Surgeon General has determined that if my mama catches me smoking, she could be detrimental to my behind
09:17Girl, come on
09:19All right
09:20Who's down there, Corbin?
09:29You're best not getting no flam all over my $7 couch
09:32Oh, no, that's my white mama
09:36A white man driving, a stubbing his face
09:40Then you hit a woman over, over the rails
09:44Such as her living was so dim
09:46To hustle into him
09:50Now, you can travel across the sea
09:52From what, to Yokohama
09:54But there's nothing in the world
09:56That compares to my white mama
09:59Don't make me break my foot off in your ass
10:05Hey, who's down here making noise interrupting my stories on the TV
10:23I love my stories
10:24They're my only viewing to the good world
10:26They're so classy
10:27It's just me, mama
10:30Hey, child, is you smoking?
10:33Did you bring a stack of nicotine into my lovely home?
10:37Yes
10:38Well, don't smoke
10:41All right
10:42Good
10:43Now, go to the store and get me a pack of menthols
10:53I love menthols
10:55Hello, Robert
10:58Hi, honey
10:58Hi, Daddy
10:59Where are you going, honey?
11:00Please, don't
11:01Well, well, well
11:05Look who it is
11:06Nice of you to come home, you lazy bastard
11:08Where was you?
11:09Playing craps
11:10Or hanging out with your Pelican Bay cellmate friends
11:12Honey, you know I was at the office doing the firm's accounting
11:14Just like I do every night
11:16I smell a stack of a woman on you
11:22Honey, that's just your tuna and cheese
11:24Oh, baby, you're heading down the path of ruination, dissipation and transparent tantenation
11:30Just tell the truth
11:32Tell the truth and it will set you free
11:34Testify
11:35Honey, you know I've never cheated on you and I never will
11:39But, baby, you haven't serviced me since I had that car accident
11:43All I've had to come for me is my tuna and cheese
11:47Honey, I've just been a little tired, that's all
11:51For seven years?
11:52I got needs, baby
11:53And I need you
11:55You promise to love me for better or worse
11:58And it doesn't get any worse
11:59Don't make me break my foot off in your ass
12:05Oh, baby, how come you don't love me anymore?
12:11It's because I went through the change
12:13That might have something to do with it
12:15Yeah, yeah, yeah
12:16Well, listen, I want things to be the way they're used to
12:18Before we met?
12:20No, no, no
12:20I want you to be the mayonnaise in my love sandwich
12:24Hey!
12:26I want a diet
12:30Try one, please
12:32Hey!
12:33What'd you say to me?
12:34I said, uh, thank you very much, honey
12:37Do you mean it?
12:39Yes
12:40Good!
12:41We go together like tuna and cheese
12:43Come on, baby
12:45We're gonna go upstairs and swap some speech
12:47Oh, this is gonna be fantastic-licious
12:53The man I love and tuna and cheese
12:58Woo-hoo!
13:01Mama!
13:03Mama!
13:05Oh!
13:08Bring it on, boyfriend!
13:10What the hell was that?
13:12That's my wife, Mama
13:13Hi, Cynthia
13:32I'm sorry I got caught up in the control room
13:34James Jones, your producer
13:35Hi, James
13:36Okay, Tammy, you gonna have your piece set up?
13:38Yep
13:38Good
13:39We didn't use an earpiece when I was back in Delaware
13:41Oh, look, don't worry about it
13:42I'll be talking in your head while you read the news from the teleprompter
13:44It's just to cue graphics and cutaways, no big deal
13:46Okay, I guess
13:48Okay, all right, give him help
13:48Good luck to you
13:49I'm booth bound
13:50Thank you
13:50What's a knockout like you looking so nervous for?
13:54Okay, everyone, we got ten seconds
13:56Let's go ankle bones and elbows
13:58You're gonna be aces
14:00We're going in five
14:01Four
14:02Three
14:03It's the ABN Evening News with anchor person Cynthia Bell
14:08Good evening, it's Thursday, August 17th
14:10And here are the people and places making the news tonight
14:12A 7.3 earthquake ripped through Nogales, Mexico this morning
14:15Killing over 315 people
14:17And let's slow it down, Cynthia
14:19And turn
14:20Day four in the Stimney Brothers trial
14:24Ended with defense team members deadlocked
14:26Over the issue of putting up the wrong graphic behind Cynthia
14:29Judge Giacchetti ordered the prosecution to pay attention to the teleprompter
14:34And not the voice in the earpiece
14:36Jurors were reminded to stop saying what I'm saying
14:40Unbelievable
14:42Heavy rains in the Northeast have caused a passenger train derailment
14:48And the sandwiches are here in Klamath Falls, Oregon
14:51Transit officials have determined that I got the ham with Munster and no dressing
14:56Amtrak spokesman Robert Coleslaw stated
14:59They only sent over one large fries, let's split them
15:03The White House, wrong camera, wrong camera, that's the one
15:10Posted emissaries from third world countries
15:14In an attempt to gather information about her nose
15:17What's with her nose?
15:19See it twitching?
15:20She looks like a rabbit
15:21No, more like bewitched
15:24I missed it
15:25There it goes again
15:26Do you suppose she's going to sneeze?
15:30Wait, I think she just repeated our entire conversation
15:32Face forward, Cynthia
15:34Shut up, stop talking
15:36And maybe she'll return to the teleprompter
15:38That's the news
15:41We'll be back with science and EnviroWatch
15:43Right after these messages
15:44And this new girl sucks
15:46I think I'm getting the hang of this
16:07Yeah, how was that?
16:08Fine, good, fine
16:10You look great
16:12Okay, we're going in five, four, three
16:16Welcome back to the ABN EV News, I'm Cynthia Bell
16:22A terrorist attack in Northern Ireland has left seven dead
16:26Investigators are focusing on
16:28Oh my God, Ted, what did you have for lunch?
16:31Wait, I think she just repeated our conversation again
16:34Let's forget the news and mess with her head
16:36Cue white rhino graphic
16:38The Asian white rhino population has decreased dramatically during the 20th century
16:43Scientists estimate that only 2,000 to 3,000 of the animals remain
16:47So if you were to see one, shoot it immediately before someone else does
16:51They're going fast, so blast away
16:53And remember to save only the horn, that's the most valuable part
16:57President Goofus said today that each and every American should put potato salad down their pants
17:04And firecrackers up their butts
17:06And jump off of a tall building in commemoration of John Ritter's birthday
17:10That's the news, I'm Cynthia Bell
17:13Have a nice implant
17:1420th Century Fox presents
17:28Ever since Riggs died, you've been slacking off
17:31Just waiting to cash your first pension check
17:34Danny Glover
17:35You're damn right I am
17:37I only got two more hours before my last shift is up
17:39And then I am out of here
17:41So let me see if I have this right
17:44Introducing Montel Williams as Montel Watson
17:48What you're saying is that it's fine for you to not pull your weight
17:51That it's okay to waste the taxpayers' money
17:53Who the hell are you?
17:56Murtaugh, say hello to your new partner
17:58New partner?
18:00Welcome to the show
18:01Lethal Weapon 4
18:04Lethal Talkin
18:06You can draw over this
18:08You'll see bickering, shouting matches
18:10And finger pointing the likes of which have never been witnessed on a big screen
18:14Captain, here's a hot shot
18:16And I don't need no uptight, bald-headed loudmouth
18:20Going out getting me killed my last day on the forest
18:23Interesting point
18:24Let's go to the phones
18:26Hi, there's a man on the roof and he has a hostage
18:28Forget it, let's roll
18:30You guys be careful out there
18:34I'll kill him
18:40I swear it
18:41I'm crazy and nobody's gonna change my mind
18:44Please don't hurt me
18:46Get back here
18:48Alright partner
18:55Let's do this
18:57I'll handle this
18:58My way
18:59Okay, we're back
19:01I'd like you all to meet
19:03Jerry
19:04I want to thank you and your guests for joining us on the roof today
19:08Jerry, can you tell us
19:10How long have you been
19:11A homicidal, white supremacist, vegan bedwetter
19:13Whose sister dresses like a slut?
19:16Uh
19:16Been about ten years now
19:18Hey, shut up!
19:22Shut up to you!
19:23What would you know about it?
19:25Get out of there, Montel
19:27You're gonna turn this entire city
19:30Into a shouting gallery
19:31Go to commercial
19:33Yes, you had a question
19:35Let me tell you something
19:37I've been taken hostage 14 times
19:39And every guy that took me hostage
19:41Did it because he didn't respect himself
19:43Oh yeah?
19:45Well how many times have you been a hostage taker, huh lady?
19:48This ain't about respect
19:49It's about love
19:50And nobody loves me
19:52Okay, Jerry
19:53I'm gonna stop you right there
19:54Now, I think that's what this is all about, isn't it?
19:58But Jerry, you are not alone, okay?
20:01I have someone right here on this very roof
20:03Who loves you a great deal
20:04Your best friend from high school
20:06Who had a sex change operation to be with you
20:08Come on out
20:09Come on out
20:10Marty?
20:14It's Martina
20:17Getting too old for this
20:30We'll be right back
20:33Nice job, Montel
20:40Nice job
20:42I gotta hand it to you, kid
20:44Your methods may be a little unorthodox
20:46But you're good results
20:47I think that we've all learned a lot here
20:49That people are people
20:51No matter where you go
20:52Murdoch, thank you for joining us here today
20:55I'm gonna miss you, man
20:56Hey, somebody thinking about retiring?
21:01Let's go to lunch, partner
21:03All right, partner
21:03Lethal Talkin'
21:06Weekdays at 3
21:08For a written transcript of this film
21:12Write to 1-806-539
21:14Gantt-Fest Avenue, Kill Booty, New Jersey
21:161-0-0-0-1
21:18Coming up on MADtv
21:23Take me
21:24Take me now
21:26Coming soon from 20th Century Fox
21:47There's a new Bond in town
21:49Uh, what was your name again?
22:06Rod Works
22:07I'm sure it does
22:09Bond here?
22:16Ah, help I'm not disturbing you, Bond
22:18Um, just looking a nasty problem
22:20Oh, Jane
22:21I see you, Bond
22:23The Secret Service is in grave, grave danger
22:26Here's a, um, counting form
22:29Has plans to take over the world
22:30And we need an agent to infiltrate their offices
22:33And, uh, pay us as a secretary
22:34You know, make coffee, that sort of thing
22:36Done
22:36Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
22:38Oh, and, uh, Q's got something here for you
22:40It's a gift certificate
22:42Good for 50 pounds at Office Depot
22:44Hmm, we're going broke, you know
22:46Paying for Charlton Dye's divorce
22:47Bloody mess
22:48Claudia Schiffer is Jane Bond
22:52In
22:53For your files only
23:05007 has a license to collate
23:08In the most exciting Bond adventure yet
23:11Ah, you must be our temp for today
23:14I'm Dr. Boss
23:15And you are?
23:16Bond
23:17Jane Bond
23:18I see you found your desk
23:30This is a standard telephone
23:32Dial 9 to get an outside line
23:33And please, Bond
23:35No long-distance calls
23:36Oh, and try not to take home anything accidentally
23:40Or you'll have to deal with our office manager
23:42Part-time job
23:43He says he likes you
23:57Sorry, I'm not into heavy metal
24:00Extremely funny Bond
24:03Now get to work
24:04Get in on the action
24:05In the most action-packed action thriller of the year
24:08It's action-packed action
24:09Hard-time job?
24:25Report
24:26So, you say our new temp has been sticking her beautiful nose where it doesn't belong, eh?
24:35She's after these files
24:36Our plans to take over the world
24:38Bring her to me
24:40Claudia Schiffer delivers off his excitement
24:51When the world absolutely, positively has to be saved overnight
24:56You call in Jane Bond
24:58Bond is the cure for disgruntled employees
25:03Sorry I can't stick around to watch the nitroglycer and go off in that water cooler
25:08Looks like you'll be going business class into the afterlife
25:13Perhaps you'll pick up some frequent dire miles
25:19Thanks for flying air evil
25:23Whoa, tough crowd
25:28Anyway, that's my time
25:30Thank you, you've been a great victim
25:32Good night
25:33Hey, Metal Mouth, wait
25:39Before you kill me
25:42Please make me happy one last time
25:45Darling
25:46Take me
25:48Take me now
25:50No
26:11What have you done to part-time job?
26:14Don't worry, he'll be wide out
26:15Bond, prepare to be three-hole punched
26:18Damn you, Bond
26:29I like my villains stapled, not stirred
26:33For your files only
26:44She's the temp
26:48Just the girl to put you in shock
26:52And then punch your club
26:57I love you, a boy
27:14A RPG
27:14Just the girl to what you can get
27:15I need it
27:16It's the time
27:17I need it
27:17I need it
27:18I need it
27:21I know
27:22cat
27:23Oh, my God.
27:53Oh, my God.
28:23Oh, my God.
28:33How's the governor?
28:36Is he going to make it?
28:37Will you get out of here?
28:38You're not sterile.
28:39Doctor, we're losing his blood pressure rapidly.
28:41If those surgeons don't get here soon, I'm going to have to go in.
28:43Oh, my God.
28:47Walk in down the street ten times a week.
28:55On Gower, Black Power, the sisters of the hour.
28:57I'm the old sister number nine.
28:59Suck it to me one more time.
29:00She said it.
29:01She meant it.
29:02We here to represent it.
29:03There you go.
29:04How you doing?
29:04What's up?
29:04What's up?
29:05What's up?
29:06All right.
29:07All right.
29:08What's up?
29:09Dr. Shakranza Malika Stephanie Jackson.
29:12Dr. Bonifah Latifah Khalifa Sharifah Jackson.
29:14No relation.
29:16Doctors, thank God you got here.
29:18The governor was shot through the heart a half hour ago.
29:20The bullet grazed his aorta.
29:21Yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:22We got it.
29:23We on it.
29:23No, no, no.
29:23Doctor.
29:25Don't make me roll my eye.
29:27Come on, now.
29:28Step off, man.
29:28Step off.
29:29All right.
29:29All right.
29:29All right.
29:30Bullet, heart, blood, entrance wound, no exit.
29:33I got this.
29:34No, no.
29:34Doctor.
29:35Doctor.
29:35Step off.
29:35Yo, yo, man.
29:36Yo.
29:37Mr. Bottom of the class.
29:39Noble prize.
29:40Me and my partner here invented the solar-powered artificial heart.
29:43I think we knows what we do.
29:44Is that right?
29:44Ah.
29:45Eyes off the prize.
29:46I just want to say what an honor it is to work with both of you.
29:49I've studied your company.
29:49Yeah, we know.
29:50We know.
29:51Okay, okay.
29:53Ready to go?
29:53Let's go.
29:54Let's do this.
29:54I think we should work up our dexteriosity.
29:57Mm-hmm.
29:57All right.
29:57Let's go.
29:59Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black.
30:03With a silver boy, but his butt is all down.
30:06Back, back, back.
30:07All right.
30:07Let's go.
30:08All right.
30:08All right.
30:08All right.
30:09All right.
30:09Uh-huh.
30:09I see this.
30:10I see this.
30:11All right.
30:11Scalpel.
30:13Come on.
30:13Come on.
30:14Come on.
30:14Oh.
30:15I'm sorry, Doctor.
30:16Girl, please don't even worry about it.
30:17Kiss it up to God.
30:18Mm-hmm.
30:19Thanks, Freddo.
30:21Right, right.
30:23All right.
30:23Now clamp this, because I can't see.
30:25I need suction up in here.
30:27You know what?
30:27I say we collapse the lung before we remove the bullet.
30:31Girl, why are you always talking about collapsing somebody's lungs?
30:33How are we going to see the bullet with all this big, nasty lung hanging up all in that
30:38piece?
30:38All right.
30:39All right.
30:40Ooh.
30:41Girl, look at the cholesterestosity up in here.
30:45He probably been eating some ribs.
30:46You know what I'm saying?
30:47Probably some barbecue sauce and potato salad.
30:49Knock, knock.
30:50Knock, knock.
30:50Who there?
30:51Colon.
30:52Colon who?
30:53Colon, Dr. Jackson.
30:54Girl, get on the job.
30:55You right.
30:55My bad.
30:56You right.
30:56My bad.
30:56My bad.
30:57Uh-huh.
30:58Okay.
30:59Okay.
30:59All right.
31:01Here we go.
31:01Here we go.
31:02Here we go.
31:03Oop.
31:03There it goes.
31:04Ow.
31:04I can make a tooth out of this bag.
31:06I'm sorry.
31:07I'm just fine.
31:09All right.
31:10Kind of slow this bag.
31:11So this bad boy.
31:12Up a stitch and toe is so far.
31:13Uh-huh.
31:14Ooh, girl, you good.
31:16You should be doing weed.
31:18I know.
31:18That's right.
31:19Girl, how you think I put myself through medical school?
31:21Ah, we're over at Beauty Academy.
31:24We're losing the governor.
31:26Oh, oh, oh, oh, no.
31:27Don't make me roll my eyes.
31:29Clear?
31:31Oh, you think you can get out of here without paying the bill?
31:34Chakranza needs a new Honza.
31:36Clear?
31:37Doctors, it is not working.
31:40You better get your funky ass up.
31:46You did it.
31:47You saved him.
31:47Oh, please tell me something I don't know.
31:49All right.
31:49Listen, girl, hear that beat.
31:51To the beat, girl.
31:52A two-da.
31:53A two-two.
31:54A rock it up, y'all.
31:55That's right.
31:56Oh, that's right.
31:57That's right.
31:57We did.
31:58Yeah, that's right.
31:58We did.
31:59That's right.
32:00We did.
32:00That was surgery.
32:01Yeah, you know me.
32:03You did.
32:03Yeah, you know me.
32:05You did.
32:06That was surgery.
32:07Yeah, you know me.
32:08I'm trying to beat y'all.
32:10I'm trying to beat.
32:11I am one of the best!
32:13I am one of the best!
32:29Reason number 433.
32:31Maybe they'll distract people from looking at your huge birthmark.
32:35Come in eventually on Bad TV.
32:41Hey, if you guys need some help, I'll lifeguard while yous clean the beach.
32:47Hey, he's kind of cute, Dirk.
32:59You are now watching Bad TV.
33:05Hey, how you doing? I'm Bobby and this here is...
33:08Hey, stoop beyond! Get over here!
33:11Come on, today, here! We're on the air!
33:14Alright, how you doing? I'm Bobby and this here is Leo.
33:16And we're here to tell you about the grand opening of Bobby and Leo's imported goods for the household!
33:22Our prices cannot be beaten.
33:24Yeah, that's right. And now, true to weekend, we're dumping all this merchandise off at incredibly great prices.
33:30That's right, that's at great prices!
33:32We're your new low-priced leaders.
33:34You said it, Mr. Articulate. And this stuff here is not stolen. It just fell off the truck!
33:39You understand me? It fell off the truck! It's not my fault if I can't catch the truck!
33:44It fell off! Now, we're gonna give it away at rock bottom prices. Let's see what it is. Come on!
33:49Red pit! Red pit! I got appointments!
33:58Alright, what do we got there? What do we got?
34:00This.
34:01Alright, here's something. And I'm gonna let this item go for, uh, $2.96.
34:07And that's a hell of a price for an item such as this. I mean, look at it! You could, uh, clean with it!
34:15You could, uh, cook with it! Cook! Cook!
34:19You could even do a little freakin' damage with this thing if you use it properly, you know what I'm sayin'?
34:24Alright, you know what I'm sayin'? And what I, uh, let this go for? How much?
34:27It's $2.96.
34:28Oh, for that? Oh, my God! That's unbelievable! What a bargain! Let's see what else we got! Come on!
34:36Come on!
34:38Oh, my, don't rip it! Rip the freaking thing!
34:44Oh, oh, wait a minute. Oh, that gets me in the gut.
34:48Look at this. My own mother. May she rest in peace on something exactly like this.
34:53What is it?
34:55What is it?
34:56I don't know! It's for decoration! Here, look, look, look!
34:59Summer!
35:01Here, take it! Put it back! Don't break it! Now, come on!
35:04That's beautiful!
35:05Alright, we got it! It's beautiful! Yeah, jerky! Okay, come on!
35:09We got a ton of these things and stuff even better than an even- I'm telling-
35:12What are you doin'?
35:13I can't get it to Summer.
35:15Summer, put it back!
35:16Put it back before you're breaking all my rheumatism now!
35:20Listen!
35:21Listen, because- Get the phone! Get the phone!
35:24Because we anticipate a lot of business here, here's how we're gonna handle this whole situation.
35:29We're gonna call all of you Jooches down here individually, alright?
35:33This is alphabetically. We're gonna start with Andrew Abel. Call that number.
35:38Call it!
35:40Alright!
35:41Now, while he's dialing Andrew Abel, what I'm gonna do is tell you a little bit about how great this stuff is.
35:47My wife, my own wife, even likes this stuff. And she's not-oh. Not-oh. What?
35:52Sky, you don't wanna come down now.
35:53Give me this. Give me this.
35:54Hey, Andy! Hi! How you doin'?
35:57Yeah, listen, listen, I got somethin' to tell you. Why don't you wanna come down?
36:00It should really come down. It's really good for your health if you come down, Andy.
36:03Cause we know where you live. 26 Herkima Street. Right, Jerko?
36:07Yeah. 26 Herkima. Now, that's a rough area.
36:10Yeah! Yeah, it is. Yeah, a lot of people have trouble with their kneecaps and skulls in that area.
36:16Okay, Andy? Okay! Bye!
36:19Alright. Andy's on his way down, and he couldn't be more excited.
36:24Now, listen. After Andy, here's what I want.
36:27I want in five-minute intervals. Abrams Manufacturing. Call it!
36:33Here's the number. Call it. Abrams Manufacturing. Followed by...
36:37Uh, Andy Ackerman. Andrew Ackerman.
36:41It's the grand opening sale at Leo & Bobby's Imported Goods for the household.
36:44Lombardo Avenue at Mercer. And remember, we know where you live.
36:49What are you doing? It's busy.
36:51What? It's busy, buddy! I pay $30 a month for that! I'll put it down!
36:55You know, you're not too smart, are you? You're really not. Let me ask you something.
36:59How big is your skull? How big is your skull? How big is your skull?
37:01How big is your skull? This area here, how big is your skull?
37:07There you go, Alvin!
37:12Hold it! I've seen you!
37:14I've seen you!
37:23Reason number 218. Because if you don't wear them, men from Mars will steal your brain.
37:28I'm...
37:31I'm...
37:40May!
37:45May!
37:46Thank you, Jazz Band.
37:54It is now my privilege to introduce J.C. Flippin' High School's valedictorian, Ms. Stacey Markolan.
38:04Ladies and gentlemen, faculty members, parents, and fellow students, as I look out on this
38:20sea of faces, I'm reminded of a quote, a majority can never replace the man. Adolf Hitler wrote
38:27these inspiring words about the same time as the burning of the Reichstag in 1933, when
38:33the triumphant National Socialist Party took over Germany and paraded to the song, When
38:40Blood Flows From Our Knives. These are watchwords to live by as we embark on our future endeavors,
38:47not to be swayed by the opinion of the majority, no matter how overwhelming it may be. It was
38:54just this kind of pluck and determination that enabled Saddam Hussein to invade Kuwait, take
39:01over its oil supplies, flying in the face of conventional wisdom and international law.
39:07college, careers, family, it all looms ahead of us, filled with promise and perils. As Charles
39:17Manson has so aptly written, 50 years ahead is 50 years behind, because forever goes ahead and behind,
39:26up and down, around, around, until you center the vortex. As we leave these beloved halls,
39:34we must be prepared to struggle if we are to leave our mark on history, not unlike the bubonic plague or
39:42el plague bubonico. Yes, we will soon go out into the world to fulfill our destinies, but we will never
39:51forget the friends we have made and the bonds we have forged. As John Gotti once remarked,
39:58you don't get released from my crew. You have lived with John Gotti, you will die with John Gotti.
40:06J.C. Flippin' High School has prepared us for the road ahead. So let us seize the day,
40:13climb every mountain, and make this a better place for our children.
40:16In the immortal words of the Reverend Jim Jones at Guyana,
40:21let's get gone, people! Thank you, and good luck!
40:32What? What? Hello? What? What? What? What?
40:42Well, that's our show, and we'd like to thank our guests, Kim Coles and Claudia Schiffer.
40:54Thanks, guests! We hope you enjoyed the show, and we will see you very soon. Good night.
41:00Hey, listen up! The cast of Man TV is going down to Daytona for a little vacation,
41:11and they best behave themselves, because I can smell a stank of sin from 3,000 miles away.
41:16They best keep that virtue intact. But for all you viewers, be sure to be faithful to Man TV,
41:21because we're going to be back in six weeks with brand stankin' new episodes. That's right,
41:26brand stankin' new, so you best be watchin', or I will most definitely break my foot off in your ass!
41:48If I never came back to you...
41:51...
41:59I will never end up being here again again.
42:01When a Man TV dunes false, everything activated for you.
42:07Click on никаких You can try to find a amazing business opportunity.
42:09I've never been hidden on your own football, and even though 100s didn't...
42:14And Boyleon was here today.
42:17Bye.
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