- 14 hours ago
Season 4 Episode 1
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
Category
📺
TVTranscript
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01:01There's a priest, you know, and then there's another priest, okay, and another hooker, and they all go in to a bar, okay?
01:03And then there's a big mix-up, and it's funny.
01:05low
01:19.
01:21Oh, there are more jokes like that coming for you tonight.
01:26You're going to pee your pants.
01:28You're going to...
01:30Okay, so stick around.
01:32Okay, that's all.
01:51Man, you're so crazy.
02:08You drive me home.
02:11You are now watching the TV.
02:23Oh, that's it.
02:27Whoa.
02:28Hang on, sugar.
02:29Air Force One's coming in for a...
02:31Whoa, wait a minute!
02:32Oh, no, Linda Tramp!
02:34No, it's Monica, remember?
02:37I've got to get the devil in here.
02:40She will!
02:41I will save you!
02:47The more you move, the more you step up.
02:50Yeah.
02:54There's something about Monica.
02:56Her lips never say no.
02:59There's something about Monica.
03:02She can teach the wind how to blow.
03:07You fool!
03:08Hey!
03:09Hey, Mr. President.
03:10I'll get you unstuck.
03:11Oh, God, if my friends could see me now.
03:13Hey!
03:14Vernon!
03:16I did it again, Vernon.
03:18That's the second time today, Mr. President.
03:20Don't worry, Mr. Winski.
03:22I'll handle this.
03:23Okay, just careful.
03:24That's the head of state there.
03:25That's all right, then.
03:26Okay.
03:27Oh!
03:28We can't let anybody find out about this.
03:30Vernon, you checked Monica's dress, get rid of all the evidence.
03:33Way ahead of yourself.
03:34Oh, no, Linda.
03:35Can I trust you?
03:36Oh, baby, sweetie.
03:37I promise I'll never betray you again.
03:38Okay.
03:39Let's talk, friend.
03:40Now, tell Mama everything.
03:41Check, one, two, check.
03:42Okay.
03:43Well, I will never forget the very first words the President said to me.
03:56He said, no teeth!
03:57Oh!
03:58Oh!
04:03Oh, Bill, darling.
04:11Kenneth Starr, what are you doing here?
04:14I want the dress.
04:15I don't have it.
04:16It's my souvenir.
04:17Give it to me.
04:18No.
04:19No, Kate, I earned this.
04:20I told you I don't know anything about whitewater.
04:23Whitewater?
04:24What the hell is whitewater?
04:25Oh, I just made that up.
04:28I just wanted to get closer to you.
04:30You leave her be, Starr.
04:31I saw her first.
04:32Never.
04:33Not even cost me another 40 million.
04:36Monica, come with me and we can get a billion-dollar book deal together.
04:40Fuck.
04:41You stick with the President.
04:42I'll make you a Supreme Court justice.
04:44Please, I'm not that sleazy.
04:45All right, all right.
04:46Get out of the way.
04:47No, no, no.
04:48No, no.
04:49No, no, no.
04:50Wait, wait, wait, wait.
04:52All right, I admit it.
04:54Indeed, I did have a relationship with Miss Lewinsky that was not appropriate.
04:59But that is between me and the two women I love more than anything else in the world.
05:03And my wife and our daughter.
05:05Now it's time to leave my private life private.
05:08And move on.
05:11See you.
05:12Who's that?
05:15Bill.
05:16Wait, don't go.
05:17I love you.
05:18Really?
05:19Bill, I'm screwing with you.
05:22Haha.
05:23You're so good.
05:24Buddy.
05:25Buddy, is that you?
05:30He'll cheer me up.
05:31Hey, poochie, come here.
05:33Hey, don't worry, don't worry.
05:35Run it out.
05:38Hey, play it out!
05:40Hey, play that way.
05:43There's something about Monica coming
06:13Sorry, I'm late. I had to defuse a bomb threatening a crowded shopping mall
06:18That was acting all right, welcome to the Keanu Reeves school of Oscar-caliber acting. I'm your teacher
06:26Keanu Reeves
06:29For those of you that are unfamiliar with my work my first major break was in the 1987 hit Bill and Ted's excellent adventure
06:36Dude, we're destined to fail this test most heinously, dude
06:40Ah
06:42Dear princesses, we've traveled through time to meet you
06:47After that I moved on to more serious work in point break
06:54You trying to tell me the FBI is gonna pay me to learn to surf
07:00Course after my success in that I moved on to my most accomplished performance playing an Englishman in Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula
07:07Dear Mina
07:09I'm stuck here at Count Dracula's castle
07:11I do not know how much longer I'll be here, but I miss you, and I hope to see you soon
07:19Thank you, thank you
07:23Okay, let's begin
07:25I'm going to need two volunteers
07:28You knew
07:32Why don't you guys try this scene?
07:37How can you treat your father so badly?
07:39How can you treat your father so badly?
07:41Hey, I treated him as bad as he treated me
07:43You bastard, leave my house
07:45Whoa
07:47Whoa
07:49Way off
07:51Now what were you thinking during that scene?
07:53Well, I was thinking about my relationship with my real father
07:55It's a common mistake
07:57This is where my technique can help you
07:59See, when you're acting, you want to make your mind a complete blank
08:03You mean, just don't think at all?
08:07Exactly
08:09Do what I do
08:11Get in touch with that big empty space in your head
08:13Like this
08:23Okay, now you guys try
08:25My technique
08:33Now do the scene
08:35How can you treat your father so badly?
08:39How can you treat your father so badly?
08:41I treated him as bad as he treated me
08:43Oh, you bastard, leave my house
08:45Yeah!
08:53Excellent work
08:55You guys are going to advance very quickly in this course
08:57You know, that's alright for modern stuff
09:02But what about Shakespeare?
09:03Yeah
09:04Good question
09:05I'm somewhat of an expert in that
09:08The bard, as I call him, can be intimidating
09:11But I do have a special technique
09:13You see, there'll always be a few words that you know
09:16Say those words louder than the other ones
09:19Like this
09:20Oh
09:21What a rogue
09:23and peasant slave
09:25Am I?
09:26Okay, now you guys try some Shakespeare
09:33Uh
09:34Romeo
09:35and Juliet
09:36Get up!
09:37Up against the wall!
09:38Move, move, move
09:39You!
09:42One move
09:43Then he blows her head off
09:44Locked legs, don't kill me!
09:46Okay, cool
09:47Everybody be cool here
09:54Freeze!
09:55Pop quiz
10:00Pop quiz
10:01You got a hair trigger aimed at your head
10:02What do you do?
10:03What do you do?
10:04What do you do?
10:07Wow!
10:08Intense!
10:09Dude, what are you doing man?
10:10A guy's got a gun!
10:11Oh, it's just a demonstration
10:12Demonstration?
10:13Yeah!
10:14I'd like to end each of our sessions with a little surprise
10:18These are two of my students from last year's course
10:21Good work guys!
10:22My arm's a broken man!
10:24I think I peed my pants!
10:25I think I peed my pants!
10:29Okay, great
10:30Well that's all for this week
10:32Uh, but remember
10:35Empty space
10:36Whoa!
10:37Good commitment student!
10:41Oh!
10:42Oh!
10:43Oh, for Pete's sake!
10:44Now what?
10:45I don't know!
10:46What are you doing?
10:47I'm doing what I've been doing for the last hour
10:48Well, it's not working
10:49Yeah, right!
10:50No kidding!
10:51Well look, you don't have to yell
10:52Look, I'm not yelling!
10:53Sounds like yelling to me!
10:54Vice President Al Gore?
10:55Well, I tell you what
10:56I wish I had a nickel for every time a couple like this had trouble in the bed
10:59Oh, you and me both
11:00Looks like these two are stuck
11:01How about I give you a few pointers?
11:02First of all, I cannot stress enough the importance of foreplay
11:05Just a little nibble on the ear
11:06What?
11:07What?
11:08What?
11:09I don't know
11:10What?
11:11What are you doing?
11:12I'm doing what I've been doing for the last hour
11:13Well, it's not working
11:14Yeah, right!
11:15No kidding!
11:16Well look, you don't have to yell
11:17Look, I'm not yelling!
11:18Sounds like yelling to me
11:19Vice President Al Gore?
11:20Well, I tell you what
11:21I wish I had a nickel for every time a couple like this had trouble in the bedroom
11:24Oh, you and me both
11:26Looks like these two are stuck
11:27How about I give you a few pointers?
11:28A little nibble on the earlobe here
11:30Now, not too hard, you don't want to pull a Mike Tyson
11:35It's all good, friend
11:38And a little hot breath on the neck down here
11:41Now, most men will go right for the breath
11:46That's these two fellas right here
11:48But don't forget that the inner thigh and the navel are also erogenous zones
11:53And ladies, don't forget that the male nipple is also a highly erotic area
12:02That feels pretty darn good, doesn't it?
12:08Fair enough, I'll move on
12:10Now, of course, the largest erogenous zone of all is...
12:15Oh, I know this one!
12:16Shhh!
12:17Let the Vice President finish
12:18Thank you
12:19The largest erogenous zone of all is the brain
12:23Remember, when it comes to good sex, conversation and communication are as important as penetration
12:30Man, that's what I've been trying to tell her
12:32Now, just watch as I whisper tenderly in her ear
12:36Open up the back door, baby
12:38Daddy's coming home
12:39Oh, he's already in the lock
12:41Well, I think my work here is done, so I'll leave you two lovebirds be
12:47Thank you, Vice President Al Gore
12:49President Al Gore
12:50Toodles
12:55Get your hand off my nipple!
12:56Sorry!
12:58Paid for by the Al Gore for President 2003
13:19How's it going?
13:24Look, whatever you're selling, I'm not buying
13:26What?
13:27I'm married, lady
13:28So?
13:29You hired me to fix your sink, so if you could just back off with the wave in your body in my face, maybe I could get on it
13:35I'm not flaunting my...
13:36We interrupt this program for a very important newsstand bulletin
13:40Here's Bernard Shaw
13:42Dr. Richmond Vyashnik, a prominent children's dentist, has today been accused of replacing his nitrous oxide with a deadly nerve gas
13:51We will bring you more on this story as it unfolds
13:54For Newsstand, I'm Bernard Shaw
13:57We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming
14:01Look, it's bad enough your daughter comes waltzing in here, ramming her tongue down my throat
14:06Now you wheeling your curvy curves in front of my face, I'm only human
14:10I just came down here to get my medicine
14:12You don't fool me
14:13You know what, you're crazy
14:15You're a crazy pl-
14:16We interrupt this program for a very important newsstand bulletin
14:19Here's Bernard Shaw
14:21CNN would like to apologize for its earlier story on Dr. Richmond Vyashnik and his use of nerve gas on children
14:28The story has turned out to be false
14:31Apparently, the accusations were based solely on a child's bad dream
14:35So once again, our apologies to Dr. Richmond Vyashnik
14:40For Newsstand, I'm Bernard Shaw
14:44We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming
14:50We interrupt this program for a very important newsstand bulletin
14:54Here's Bernard Shaw
14:56Only moments ago, Newsstand discovered the shocking news
14:59That a downtown car wash has been cleaning automobiles
15:02Using a mixture of industrial soap, low-grade wax, and a devastatingly lethal nerve gas
15:08Once again, car wash, nerve gas
15:12For Newsstand, I'm Bernard Shaw
15:15We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming
15:25No! No! No!
15:27We interrupt this program for a very important newsstand bulletin
15:30Here's Bernard Shaw
15:32Apologies to the management of the sunny Philly car wash
15:36Who we earlier reported were washing cars with nerve gas
15:40The compound in question was, in fact, water
15:43And once again, we apologize
15:47For Newsstand, I'm Bernard Shaw
15:50We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming
15:55They tried to rape me! This is insane!
15:58We interrupt this program for a very important newsstand bulletin
16:01Here's Bernard Shaw
16:03Newsstand has just discovered that one of America's favorite snacks
16:06The marshmallow
16:07Is in fact made of 100%
16:09100%
16:12You really want me to say this?
16:14No, nobody's gonna stop
16:16No?
16:17Fine, here goes
16:19Marshmallows are 100% nerve gas
16:23We interrupt Newsstand for a very important newsstand bulletin
16:26Here's Bernard Shaw
16:27No, no, no, no!
16:28You're not listening
16:29Listen
16:30There exists a trust between the viewers and Bernard Shaw
16:39As it turns out
16:41You're probably way ahead of me on this one
16:44There is no nerve gas in marshmallows
16:46On behalf of myself and...
16:49You know what? Why am I apologizing for this?
16:51Hmm? I'm not the one writing this crap
16:53You know, I don't see why I...
16:55This just in
16:58Oh, go to hell!
17:00We now return you to your regularly scheduled program
17:03Man, it has been one of those days
17:10Tell me about it
17:11All right, come on in to land here!
17:12Oh, I'm done!
17:13Okay!
17:14Okay!
17:15Land!
17:16Work it!
17:17Work it, baby!
17:18Work it!
17:19Go!
17:20Go!
17:21Go!
17:22Go!
17:23Go!
17:24Go!
17:26Go!
17:27Go!
17:28Go!
17:29Go!
17:30Go!
17:31Hey Stud,
17:34I've got some dirty little secrets I've got to tell somebody
17:37Why not you?
17:40Call the number on your screen
17:41For a hot, raunchy, x-rated sex talk
17:44with one of our naughty foxes
17:47So what are you waiting for?
17:48Call now
17:54We're now to the second place
17:58Hello?
17:59Oh..
18:00oh i'm sorry i thought this was a 976 number okay now hold on
18:09hello foxy lady i talk crazy daddy talk for you you're gonna like it mister
18:21wow gee to tell you the truth i've never called one of these before so i'm a little i'm a little
18:28nervous okay don't you worry i'm gonna do everything okay you just sit back and enjoy
18:34the ride mr horny all right great okay i'm gonna turn you on all right go ahead okay you ready here
18:43goes okay that's it goodbye wait wait i don't mean i don't mean to be rude but uh i'm gonna need a
18:55little more than that okay okay i'll tell you everything all right well uh you know what why
19:00don't you uh tell me do you look like a celebrity do you look like do you look like anyone famous
19:04okay yeah you know all the time people tell me i look like a bjork you look like a buick
19:10i look like a bjork you know the singer from iceland forget about that why don't you tell
19:17me about your hooters you got big boobs okay yeah you know they are so big sometimes i cannot even
19:24stand up you know what oh that's too big okay man you know not a big a little big a little
19:33okay well which one are they are they big or are they little okay you know they they little but they
19:39have a big giant nipple okay you know what forget about that why don't you just tell me about your
19:49legs are they nice and long yeah they're long enough to touch the floor oh no really why don't you tell
19:57me about your legs what do they look like will you tell me about your legs no tell me about your legs
20:01what do they look like no you tell me no tell me what your legs look yes why you treat me like a
20:06piece of meat it has nothing to do with meat i'm the one paying here i'm paying for this oh calm down
20:12mister it's only 19.95 a minute mr chief man 1995 a minute oh my i must be in for like 60 bucks okay
20:20lady listen cut the small talk let's get to the sexy stuff all right okay you know say sexy before
20:26i'm saying it now okay i need a fantasy here okay all right okay okay okay you come home
20:34it's late okay you're hot oh i am so hot yeah yeah there you go oh i'm hot oh what's getting you
20:43so hot oh i have a heat rush from my cheap back this horse that's it lady listen i'm not paying 20
20:50bucks a minute to hear about your problems you put on another girl okay hold on
20:57hello wait wait a minute who's this another girl okay you give me your supervisor okay hold on
21:09hello supervisor i know that's you i know that's you i want my money back okay thank you for calling
21:15114 will be charged to your phone bill and you call again and you ask for swan what kind of a ripoff
21:23you try hello boxy lady did they talk for you i put everything in my mouth
21:37oh sister helen you need a pedicure
21:40okay how about we do it any day but sunday because that's no good for you okay okay
21:58now i've heard a lot of things about desperation leak but i have never heard that you had a small heart
22:04i'm sensing a little disrespect to me and my friends
22:08savanti savanti
22:19tomorrow night the emmy awards celebrate excellence in television and for the third year in a row mad tv
22:25has not been nominated for a single hour our show has been called a series of tasteless sophomoric
22:31cheap shots a charge we vehemently deny so it is with great pride that we present to you the
22:37sketch we submitted for emmy consideration you decide live from television city in hollywood
22:44it's the sonny's widow and share show
22:58the grief goes on
23:04the grief goes on
23:08the grief goes on
23:12the bills were piling up outside my law
23:16i'm out of my league on the congress floor
23:24so now we're on tv
23:28still living out for sunny
23:32hey share
23:34yes widow bono
23:36have you heard the latest joke in washington
23:38hear it i'm standing next to it
23:40you know little miss gypsy tramp and thief
23:44aren't you late for a career-wrecking infomercial
23:48hey widow bono
23:50why don't you do the world a favor
23:52marry newt gingrich and take him on a ski weekend
23:56you know half-breed that reminds me of something that came up the other day in congress
24:02i don't want to hear about your skirt
24:04well well well share you know one more facelift and you'll need a gynecologist to fix your teeth
24:10down-dee-da-dee-dee
24:30cashin' in a tragedy
24:32a chocolate soda, and a gun with cop-killer bullets.
24:37Well, how old are you, little girl?
24:39Four and three quarters.
24:41Well, that seems old enough to buy a gun to me.
24:43But I'm gonna have to ask my manager, Mr. Weisenheimer.
24:48Ladies and gentlemen, Vice President Al Gore!
24:54Now, little girl, why don't you tell Mr. Weisenheimer why you look so sad?
24:59Because I want to buy a gun, now!
25:01Son of a bitch, Congresswoman Bono, that was not in the script!
25:06Oh, yeah? Well, neither is stripping Americans of their constitutional right to bear arms.
25:10But, little girl, guns kill people.
25:13Please, guns don't kill people.
25:15Trees do!
25:21It's time to say goodnight, Cher.
25:23Say goodnight, Chastity.
25:24They say he's dead, punk, we all know.
25:30I took his job, and now I took his show.
25:37Well, thanks to him, we've got our fame.
25:41Dead or alive, I'm keeping his last name.
25:48Shame!
25:50We got no shame!
25:53Sing, Chastity, sing!
25:55I'm gay!
25:56Hug off!
25:57For him!
25:59Sonny Bono's widow for president in the year 2000.
26:02Goodnight!
26:06Al Gore's appearance has been paid for by the Al Gore for President 2000 committee.
26:09Yeah, what do you say we break in these new bug bits?
26:20Well, classes don't start till Monday, so that means we've got all weekend long to be nice and slow.
26:26Yeah, I heard that.
26:27You know what, you got me working up a mighty powerful thirst young man.
26:32Guess what, I got some wine back in my dorm.
26:34You gonna be here when I get back?
26:35Dude, it very well could be.
26:36You better be.
26:37And get rid of that chaw.
26:42Hi, guess what I am?
26:45Lost the hope.
26:46My dream came true, I got a funny roommate.
26:49Hi, I'm Rusty.
26:56What's wrong?
26:57They said you were on the football team.
26:59No, wait a minute.
27:00They didn't say I played.
27:02They said I was on the team.
27:04It's a big difference.
27:07I'm sorry.
27:09I'm a little out of breath from carrying my bag all the way across campus.
27:12I got gate three mixed up with gate E.
27:15Hope you don't mind living with the dodo bird.
27:19Hey, my dream came true.
27:22We got bunk beds.
27:23Yeah!
27:27I don't know why I like them so much, though.
27:29I hardly ever sleep.
27:32Hope you like lots of late night chit-chat.
27:34Hi, buddy, how you doing?
27:35I gotta be on the test.
27:37You see, not me.
27:38I get in late.
27:39I like to party.
27:41Uh-oh.
27:43Um.
27:46I don't like to party.
27:49But I do like to partay.
27:53Well, I better go downstairs and finish picking up the rest of my crap.
27:58I said crap.
27:59Oh, baby, we need to talk.
28:04No, this is so uncool.
28:05Yeah, campus housing.
28:09It's just Tad Tanner and D-18.
28:11Yeah, I won't talk about my roommate.
28:13Yeah.
28:14Okay.
28:15Yeah.
28:16Yeah, okay, cool.
28:17Look, whatever.
28:17The thing is, you just gotta get this weird little ass out of here.
28:20All right, yeah, thanks.
28:20Cool.
28:22Ta-da!
28:23I brought a hot-air popcorn popper.
28:27Mmm, that's gonna be yummy with all of our late night chit-chats.
28:31You know, they say popcorn popped in a hot-air popper makes the fillings in your teeth hurt.
28:35It's weird, but nothing hurts the fillings in my teeth.
28:37I can even chew on tinfoil.
28:39And I will if you dare me.
28:40Shut up!
28:41Don't worry, I won't.
28:42Okay.
28:43Well, I'm gonna go downstairs and talk to the R.A. and see if he'll let us have a rat.
28:47Ah!
28:55Hi, mind if I come back?
28:56That'd probably be the worst mistake you could ever make.
28:58What are you talking about?
28:59I just met my new roommate.
29:00Oh, cool.
29:01What's he like?
29:02I'm back.
29:03Nah.
29:05You wouldn't believe some of the guys I pass in the hallway.
29:10Dorks.
29:11Hey, look, here's a great spot for my Garfield posters.
29:15Dork, Garfield!
29:17The world's most cantankerous cap.
29:19All right, that's it.
29:20I don't know where you think you're sleeping tonight, or for the rest of the year for that
29:22matter, but it ain't here.
29:23Dad, did I come in the middle of something?
29:25No, buddy, you came at the end, so that's it for you.
29:27Goodbye, you're gone.
29:29Wait a minute.
29:29I don't believe what I'm hearing.
29:30I've never even seen the side of you, Tad.
29:32Me neither, Tad.
29:33Yeah, well, as soon as his little ass gets out of here, you'll never see the side of me again.
29:37You know what?
29:38See, I thought you weren't like those bull-headed bullies.
29:41But you know, I'm out of here, okay?
29:43Baby...
29:43No, no, no, no, no, no.
29:44And don't you even think about talking to me until you learn how to show some people
29:47a little respect.
29:49Bye.
29:49Bye.
29:50Biatch.
29:50This has been a hard day.
29:59Sounds to me like I need some popcorn and you need a hug.
30:02You know, you're absolutely right, buddy.
30:04I do need a hug.
30:05You just gotta give it to me.
30:06Okay.
30:07Okay, after I get you in the closet.
30:08What?
30:08What are you doing?
30:09You come on.
30:10You come on.
30:10Hey, what are you doing?
30:11I'm coming out to you.
30:17Start the haven.
30:18Go!
30:19You are dead.
30:30Greetings to all you funky monkeys and dirty talking desperadoes.
30:47Now that was the funky walk and this is the dirty talk.
31:04Baby, I want to whip out my hose and water your fresh cut lawn.
31:10Woo, my funky cup doth runneth over.
31:17Now, folks, here on Funky Walker at Dirty Talker, we got two kind of shows.
31:22The good ones and the ass tanglers.
31:25And tonight's is most definitely of the ass tangling variety.
31:30So please help me welcome out my guest.
31:32The star of Fox TV's getting personal, Miss Vivica A. Fox.
31:38Oh, yeah.
31:40Woo, baby, look at you.
31:46You're fine like wine and with twice the kick.
31:49Woo, hello to you too, Desperation.
31:52You like the look?
31:53Oh, baby, all that's running through my head right now is two, two, two scoops in one.
31:58Woo.
32:00And you're not so hard to look at yourself.
32:02Oh, there you now.
32:04Don't be pulling my leg.
32:05Woo, I plan to start there and work my way up.
32:08Ah.
32:09Folks, we are now deep in ass-tangling territory.
32:17Oh, did you miss me, baby?
32:19Oh, night and day, but mostly a night.
32:23Me and Vivica worked on a movie together called Why Do Fools Fall in Love?
32:29Of course, she's one of the stars.
32:31Me, I just had a small part.
32:32Oh, now, wait a minute, Desperation.
32:34Now, I have heard a lot of things about Desperation Lee, but I have never heard that you had a small part.
32:39Woo, girl, I did miss you.
32:45So tell me, how did my debut turn out?
32:47Did you bring a clip?
32:48Uh, well, uh, actually, Desperation, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
32:53Here, let's just run the clip.
32:54We'll let the pictures do the talking.
32:56No, see, that's the thing, Desperation.
32:59There is no clip.
33:00You forgot the clip?
33:02No.
33:04Oh, this is so hard for me to say, but I'm just gonna have to say it.
33:08Desperation, they cut you out.
33:11But I was playing the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
33:15How you gonna cut the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. out the movie?
33:18Look, now, I know this may sound cold, but it happens.
33:24Well, damn.
33:27Well, all right, um, next up, we go.
33:30Hold on a minute.
33:36I can't feel the funk.
33:39What do you mean?
33:41I mean, the funk has left the building.
33:43Well, maybe you need somebody to prime your funk.
33:47Now, listen up, Desperation.
33:49I wanna huff, and I wanna puff, and I wanna blow your house down.
33:55Oh, baby, you shouldn't be wasting this fine, fine, dirty talk
33:58on an empty, broken shell of a man.
34:00Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
34:02Now, come on, now.
34:03Come on, now.
34:03It's your turn.
34:04Come on.
34:04Vivica, ain't you been listening to me, baby?
34:07Just try.
34:08For me.
34:09Okay, um...
34:12Come on.
34:13Baby, I wanna get into your camper and make me some beans.
34:24Wait, wait, wait, now.
34:25Now, that wasn't too bad.
34:27That wasn't too bad.
34:28Well, you know, it's real.
34:28Apropos, I'm talking about beans, because I'm stinking up the place.
34:32Oh, no, no, no.
34:33You was just warming up.
34:34Now, let me slip one more under your dough here.
34:37Baby, I want you to make like the little Dutch boy
34:40and stick your finger into my dike.
34:43Hello.
34:44Hello.
34:45Woo.
34:46All across this great nation, little boys just became men.
34:51You know what?
34:52I think this is working.
34:54Okay.
34:54Do one more for me.
34:55One more?
34:56Yeah, one more.
34:56One more, okay, okay, okay.
34:58Desperation, I want you to take me fishing
35:01so I can make some kind of suggestive comment about your ride.
35:06Ah-ha!
35:08Oh, see, now, that one was sexy and lazy all at the same time.
35:11Wow!
35:12Well, that's me all over, baby.
35:14Oh, yeah, and, uh, speaking of getting all over you,
35:18baby, I want to put me on one of them shiny miners' helmets
35:22and ease myself deep in your mines, yeah.
35:26And then do me some serious drilling.
35:30Woo!
35:30Woo!
35:33Baby, you are back!
35:35Now get on up until you think.
35:37Do it!
35:37Oh, yeah!
35:40Oh, man!
35:41Woo!
35:41Woo!
35:42Woo!
35:42Woo!
35:43Woo!
35:43Woo!
35:44Woo!
35:45Woo!
35:45Woo!
35:46Woo!
35:47Woo!
35:47Woo!
35:47Woo!
35:48Woo!
35:49Woo!
35:50Woo!
35:50Woo!
35:51Woo!
35:51Woo!
35:52Woo!
35:52Woo!
35:52Woo!
35:53Woo!
35:53Woo!
35:54Woo!
35:54Woo!
35:55Woo!
35:55Woo!
35:56Rocket Revengers are ready to rock it.
36:16Right, Rocket Revengers?
36:17Right!
36:20Hey, I'm about as hungry as a big fat country singer
36:23when it's all cookie-chopped.
36:24Yeah?
36:24Babe!
36:26You know, Ray, working on a Disney movie
36:36is going to be a very big step in your career
36:38because Mary Had a Little M is going to be an animated classic.
36:41I can feel it.
36:42Yeah, whatever.
36:44And you know that Usher is going to be doing some of the voices
36:48and singing some of the songs for us?
36:50The kids are going to love him!
36:51Lady, I'm just here to lay down the tracks.
36:53Usher!
36:58Usher!
36:58Us, us, baby.
37:00Look, on behalf of the family here at Team Disney,
37:04I just want to say that it is going to be thrilling
37:06that you're going to be singing for us.
37:07Well, I'm happy to be here.
37:09Hey, listen, I brought my producer with me.
37:12And here's hoping that it's, mmm, Kenny G?
37:16Not exactly.
37:17Hey, listen, man.
37:20Hey, this is my main man.
37:22Savante.
37:23Yeah?
37:23I'm afraid I'm familiar with Savante's work.
37:27Savante?
37:28Oh, hey, yeah, I remember you.
37:30Yeah, I did that song for your charity thing
37:32for them little fat-haired kids.
37:34Expanded cranium syndrome.
37:36Yeah.
37:37Oh, dog, you should have seen this, man.
37:38These kids had, like, big old freaky-ass heads,
37:40like all lopsided in there.
37:42Usher, Usher, what your friend Savante has to offer
37:44is not exactly appropriate for Mary Had a Little Lamb.
37:48Yo, yo, yo, who you calling Zach-approprier?
37:50Look, look, look.
37:51I don't need this, you know what I'm saying?
37:53You know, I could go on home and finish my jingle
37:55for Play-Doh Pump and Go.
37:56Good.
37:57Don't let us keep you.
37:58Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
37:59I'm sensing a little disrespect to me and my friends.
38:03Savante.
38:04Savante, Savante.
38:05Yeah, we don't need this.
38:07Okay, no, wait a minute.
38:07Please, I'm sorry, don't go.
38:08Look, we don't want to step on your toes here, okay?
38:11I'm glad to hear that.
38:12Listen, about that song we talked about this morning,
38:14the duet.
38:15No duets, just Usher.
38:17No, no, no, no, you gotta hear this duet.
38:19This duet is the bomb.
38:20You gotta hear it.
38:21Just listen, okay?
38:21Yeah, let's do this.
38:31School bell rang, I thought it was a dream.
38:35Mary's still home with a finger in the cream, yeah.
38:43Yeah, yeah.
38:44No time for breakfast, not even a snack.
38:48Even a snack.
38:48Mary spilled the cream and it's rolling down the crack.
38:52Crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack.
38:59Yeah.
39:01Now can we hear some Usher?
39:02I think I know what the problem is here.
39:05You don't think this is my kind of gig?
39:06No.
39:07Okay, well, you know what?
39:08Maybe you're right.
39:09You know, because you're looking for kind of a Wednesday afternoon kind of thing.
39:12And me, I'm more a Saturday night sliding into Sunday morning kind of guy.
39:17That's cool.
39:17That's cool.
39:18Go ahead.
39:18Usher, you do your thing.
39:20She wants it your way.
39:21Hey, hey, do my way.
39:25My way.
39:25Sounds like a good idea.
39:28Let's do it my way.
39:30This is my way.
39:30Y'all check this out.
39:31Give me anything you want to make your girl say, ooh, ooh, why's you so fly?
39:41She beats me, but she wanna get freaky.
39:46You can get mad if you want to say whatever you want, but she's still gonna give it up.
39:51She likes it my way, my way.
39:55My way.
39:56Oh, ooh, ooh.
39:58It's my way.
39:59You can't.
40:00She keeps running back again.
40:03My way.
40:05Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah.
40:08But I take out and I'm in control.
40:14Badass.
40:15Senoritas.
40:16Two-seaters with kids.
40:17New kicks.
40:18Y'all all in the mix.
40:19I don't turn no chicks.
40:20Stay in turn for me.
40:21Don't turn me.
40:23So forget it, little midget.
40:25My mind don't.
40:26Whoa.
40:31Oh, man, you can't.
40:34What?
40:34So from this day, what if you know?
40:37Whoa.
40:39Oh, my God.
40:41Whoa.
40:42Whoa.
40:50Thank you guys for watching.
41:12We'll be back next week.
41:14Tune in.
41:15It's gonna be hot.
41:16Tonight.
41:17Thank you, Larry.
41:18Why don't you zip it up, zip it up, Billy Boy, baby, instead of getting down
41:45With every intern in town, zip it up, zip it up, you've loaded a phone
41:51Dog, no more monica's under your desk
41:54So zip it up, zip it up, Billy Boy, don't get impeached
42:00That's the head of state there
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