- 3 hours ago
Season 3 Episode 11
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
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00:00You are now watching MADtv!
00:04Hey!
00:06Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
00:10Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
00:15Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
00:20Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
00:25Hey, everybody, look who finally arrived
00:31Is it still snowing out?
00:34Why don't you come on in and get yourself some eggnog
00:36We're just waiting for our families to arrive
00:39In the meantime, everyone, welcome to
00:42MADtv's Christmas Special Spectacular
00:46Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute, you guys
00:55There's something missing here
00:58I wonder who that could be
01:01Merry Christmas, everybody
01:03Hey, it's our families
01:05Yo, and these are real family members, too, not fake ones
01:10What's up, Granny?
01:11Merry Christmas, Andy
01:13My name is Aries, Grandma, Aries
01:17All right
01:18Come on, everybody, time is money, let's keep it moving
01:23Well, that's more like it
01:27Merry Christmas
01:29And we'll be back after this Christmas message from our sponsor
01:34Hello, I'm Leonard Cray, President of Spishak Industries
01:46And on behalf of Spishak Industries, Spishak Farms, and the entire Spishak family
01:51I would like to extend to you and yours a very wonderful Christmas and the very best of a new year
01:57And I'm proud to announce that Spishak will be entirely underwriting tonight's MADtv Christmas Special Spectacular
02:05Bringing it to you commercial-free
02:07Absolutely no commercials
02:10Enjoy
02:11New from Smatel
02:13Look out, kids
02:15Here comes Zayoff Hitler's Kranza Division
02:17If they break through those Allied lines, we're done for
02:20Looks like we need
02:21G.I. Jew
02:23A soldier like you've never seen before
02:27So, is he single?
02:29And G.I. Jew comes with such accessories
02:32Believe me, it's to die for
02:34You'll plot
02:34Each G.I. Jew comes with
02:36A potato latke-shaped walkie-talkie
02:39The dreidel of power
02:40The G.I. Jew menorah
02:42And G.I. Jew's own briefcase full of diamonds
02:45Do I love my worker? What?
02:50He's more than an action hero
02:52He's a mensch
02:53If G.I. Jew's not the best action figure you've ever bought
02:56I should be struck by lightning and get boils on my tukas
03:00G.I. Jew
03:01Available in stores everywhere for $6.99
03:04Okay, for you, $6.25
03:06And we're losing money on this
03:08G.I. Jew kosher mess tent
03:10And potato latke-shaped walkie-talkie sold separately
03:13What? I gotta buy separate?
03:15Please, they should be giving it away?
03:18G.I. Jew from Smatel
03:20Cause if it's Smatel, you'll kvell
03:22So go, so buy the thing for God's sakes
03:25What, is it gonna kill ya?
03:28Also available in G.I. Jew reformed
03:30G.I. Jew, oy what a toy
03:32G.I. Jew, oy what a toy
03:33G.I. Jew, oy what a toy
03:35Tonight on MADtv, special guests Corky and the Juice Pigs,
04:04Antonia, the Klumps, and Rudolph.
04:18Gee, Mary, this is the best MADtv Christmas party yet.
04:22I agree, Will, but how the hell would you know since you just joined the cast this year?
04:27You know, ladies and gentlemen, Christmas is special, especially for...
04:34Aunt Mary, something smells bad.
04:36Okay, you see that red light over there, Alex?
04:38Never ever talk to Aunt Mary when that red light is on, okay?
04:41But it stinks!
04:42Okay, come here.
04:44Why don't you sit over here on Aunt Mary's lap, okay?
04:49As I was saying, Christmas is special, especially for the children.
04:53Hey, is that who I think it is?
04:56Who else would it be on Christmas Eve but...
05:03James Brown Jr.
05:15Right back at you, soul brother.
05:17Uh-oh, kids, it's James Brown Jr., and I bet he's got a special Christmas story for us.
05:24Christmas!
05:25Christmas!
05:26Christmas!
05:27Christmas!
05:28Christmas!
05:29Christmas!
05:30Oh, the night before Christmas.
05:32Ooh, my favorite.
05:34Nobody cares, Will.
05:36Okay.
05:37Take it away, James.
05:38Thank you!
05:39Excuse me!
05:40Excuse me!
05:41Why?
05:42Uh!
05:43Uh!
05:44Uh!
05:45Uh!
05:46Here we go!
05:47Ready?
05:48One, two, three!
05:49Uh!
05:50Dead!
05:51Uh!
05:52Time!
05:53Set!
05:54Set!
05:55Same mouth!
05:56Uh!
05:57Why?
05:58Uh!
05:59Dead!
06:00Uh!
06:01Oh, for the jelly!
06:02Kiss myself!
06:03Eh!
06:04Eh!
06:05Eh!
06:06Thank you!
06:11Oh!
06:12That was great, James.
06:14Is that it?
06:15Are you done?
06:16Uh!
06:17Uh!
06:18Hey, everybody!
06:19It's Cabana Chat!
06:20Hello!
06:21This is Cabana Chat, and this, ah-ah-ah-ah, is Dixie Wetsworth.
06:26You like?
06:27I like?
06:28Oh!
06:29Oh!
06:30Oh!
06:31Well, it's finally Christmas here on Cabana Chat, and I've just returned from my Surgeon
06:36Mishima's holiday makeover.
06:37I told him, Mishima, all I want for Christmas are my two front teeth, the face of a cat, and
06:41a Norwegian schoolgirl, and boobs that can double as airbags.
06:44Ah!
06:45Look what Santa brought this good little girl!
06:47Oh!
06:48What a fall I've had!
06:49Last September, I gave birth to about a cat, and a cat, and a cat, and a cat.
06:52Oh!
06:53Oh!
06:54Oh!
06:55Oh!
06:56Oh!
06:57Oh!
06:58Oh!
06:59Oh!
07:00Oh!
07:01Oh!
07:02Oh!
07:03Oh!
07:04Oh!
07:05Oh!
07:06Oh!
07:07Oh!
07:08Oh!
07:09Oh!
07:10Oh!
07:11Hey, Dancing Baby Boy.
07:13Oh!
07:14Oh!
07:15It was the most rewarding and moving experience of my life.
07:20Now I know what you're thinking, where is the little angel?
07:23Two words, military school.
07:27Oh, I know it was tough, but they all have to leave the nest sometime.
07:31Anywho, enough about young Private Wetsworth.
07:33Please, a warm welcome for the hottest working man in show business, James Brown Jr.
07:39Ah, James, why so glum?
07:54Poor Boy.
08:02No, James, I'm sorry.
08:03We haven't found a replacement for Poor Boy,
08:05but don't worry, I've got a surprise for you later in the show.
08:08Ah! I got a surprise for you, no!
08:10Wow!
08:12A surprise for me? James, you shouldn't have.
08:15Oh, don't let it be Pauly Shore again.
08:19Ah! How it long!
08:29Merry Christmas.
08:31Merry Christmas. I've died and gone to the Super Bowl.
08:35Hey! One, two, three, give it more!
08:38Hey! Hey!
08:41Thanks, James.
08:43I have to be up front with you.
08:45Oh?
08:46I've always had a crush on you.
08:48Oh, really? Please, God, let Howie Long be a nickname.
09:00Do you really find me beautiful?
09:02Well, if you can overlook the fact that you've had more operations than me, uh...
09:07I think you are quite beautiful.
09:08Ah! Moisture! Hit the bench!
09:12Ah! Ah!
09:16So, what have you been up to, Senor Long?
09:19Well, besides the football stuff, uh, I just finished an action movie. Comes out January 9th.
09:24As long as it doesn't come out the same weekend as Rosie O'Donnell.
09:27Ah!
09:30What? What's the film?
09:32It's called Firestorm. I play a firefighter who's caught behind the lines of a forest fire.
09:37Oh!
09:38Oh!
09:39Save the hostage, get shot, and all this while I'm trying to keep myself from getting burnt up.
09:44I'm on fire just listening to it. Too bad you don't have your hose, Andy.
09:48Now, there are a lot of men out there who think they can fill Pool Boy Speedo, so why don't we take a look at a few of them?
09:59Ah!
10:02Miss Tixie, please let me show you the dance.
10:18Hi, Tixie. Ever since I was a little boy, I've wanted to be able to do the splits.
10:22I... I think I pulled something.
10:24Ah!
10:25I think I pulled something.
10:27I pulled something.
10:28Ah!
10:40Ah!
10:42Terrifying, isn't it?
10:43Frightening.
10:44Uh-huh.
10:45You know, I'm kind of in an awkward position, but you know my sidekick, Terry Bradshaw.
10:49Uh, do I ever.
10:50He heard about the Pool Boy opening, and he put this tape together.
10:55Ah!
10:56Ah!
10:57And he wants you to take a look at it.
10:58Ah!
10:59I can't wait to get home and stick this in my VCR.
11:02Ah!
11:04And on that note, that's all the time we have for Cabana Chat.
11:07I want to thank my very special guest, Howie Long.
11:10Thank you, Dixie. I've had a great time.
11:11Oh, me too.
11:12Ah!
11:14This has been Cabana Chat, and this...
11:16Ah!
11:17Is Dixie, what's the...
11:20James?
11:22Ah!
11:23Hey!
11:24Ah!
11:25We'll be right back with more of
11:37MADtv's Christmas Special Spectacular.
11:47No, no, no.
11:48It's a little balls on the bottom,
11:51big balls on top.
11:53Little balls on the bottom,
11:54big balls on top.
11:56You know, it's just like your father always said,
11:58you are no good for nothing.
12:00You know, you will never know true shame
12:01until you have a kid like this.
12:03You know, everyone else in the cast
12:04has extras playing their families,
12:06not me.
12:07My real mother shows up.
12:08Okay, shut your cake hole, missy.
12:10You shut up!
12:12You know what?
12:12I don't care if we are on TV,
12:14I will kill you.
12:17Families getting together,
12:18it's just the best, you know,
12:19and the tree looks wonderful.
12:21You see, stupid,
12:22even your friend R here agrees with me.
12:24I can't believe you just took my mother's side.
12:27No, I'm not side, taking side.
12:29The tree looks wonderful, all of them.
12:32I'm going to get the door.
12:36You know, ladies and gentlemen,
12:38every year around this time,
12:40MADtv likes to invite someone
12:41who's inspired us with their ability
12:43to overcome great personal obstacles.
12:46It's our way of saying that Christmas is good.
12:50And I'm honored to say that this year,
12:52we were able to book actor-director Christopher Reeve.
13:01Unfortunately, he must have gotten a hold
13:03of a tape of the show or something
13:04because he canceled.
13:06So, without any further ado,
13:08please help me welcome his last-minute replacement,
13:10world-famous pornographer Larry Flint.
13:18Wow, Larry Flint.
13:20Oh, yo, Mr. Flint, yo,
13:22we're glad here to have you on MADtv.
13:24Oh, that's quite a grip you got there, young man.
13:26Well, I, uh, all it all to you, man.
13:31Wow, Larry Flint.
13:32Look, you have to understand
13:34that we spend close to $600
13:36getting that ramp prepared for Christopher Reeve.
13:38Yeah, we already put a huge deposit down
13:40on the wheelchair-accessible van.
13:41What are you guys talking about over there?
13:43Uh, nothing.
13:43Nothing, just how Christmasy it is, you know,
13:46since you're here, Pornographer Larry.
13:48Oh, well, speaking of Christmasy,
13:51something really stinks.
13:52You know what?
13:52He's right, too.
13:53It's really starting to smell worse.
13:55You know what?
13:56I gotta leave.
13:56I mean, I've gotta go
13:57call a maintenance man about the stink.
14:00All right, wheel me down, Amy.
14:02It's Aries.
14:04Oh, whoa, whoa.
14:05Look out, whoa.
14:06Watch what you're doing,
14:08you son of a bitch.
14:10Look here, Larry.
14:12Anyway, I'd like some presents
14:15for the kids.
14:17It's Aries.
14:19Sorry, Larry, are you sure
14:21that the gifts are appropriate
14:23for small children?
14:24What are you kidding?
14:25No!
14:27Please stand by for another sketch
14:30from MADtv.
14:31This is the twelfth day of Christmas,
14:44my yuletide friend.
14:49You'd better not pout
14:52or cry, my friend.
15:00Saskatchewan.
15:01Shoot.
15:03I'm still in Saskatchewan,
15:05waiting for a mission.
15:08For Christmas, they gave me one.
15:11And when it was over,
15:13I'd never want another.
15:15One thing's for sure.
15:31Tai Chi and eggnog don't mix.
15:35Rise and shine, son.
15:36It's Christmas morning.
15:37What are the charges?
15:38No charges, Captain.
15:39We've got a little present for you.
15:42Play that tape, will you?
15:45A dream.
15:47A dream of a white Christmas.
15:50I shake and I shake all night
15:52like a bowl full of jelly.
15:54That's my dream.
15:57That's my nightmare.
15:59Santa's up there surrounded
16:01with renegade elves
16:02who think he's a god.
16:04And he's giving away toys for free.
16:06Cutting into Planet of Toys
16:08Corporation profits.
16:10We want you to go up there,
16:13retrieve his bag of toys,
16:14and terminate Santa's command.
16:17Terminate.
16:19The Kringle.
16:21Terminate with extreme prejudice.
16:25And have yourself
16:26a merry little Christmas.
16:29They put me on a patrol sled
16:31with a crew of fruitcakes
16:32and we headed north.
16:34Yeah, man!
16:35Whee!
16:36Whee!
16:37Yay!
16:38I couldn't believe
16:39they wanted this man dead.
16:42Adored by children
16:43all over the world.
16:45The more I read about him,
16:46the more I admired him.
16:48He could have made millions,
16:50but he went for the kids instead.
16:54Hello.
16:55Dog sled off the port bow.
16:56Bring him in.
16:57Check it out, chef.
16:59What's going on?
17:01Native sled.
17:02We're gonna have a look.
17:03Keep the sled moving.
17:05Sorry, Captain.
17:06These sled's been running
17:07towards us through this glacier.
17:08We're gonna check it out.
17:09There's nothing here, man!
17:10Look over there.
17:10Look at that sack.
17:12Under those blankets.
17:12Look at that gift box.
17:15I'm telling you!
17:16She's got a stocking!
17:21See what she was hiding, man?
17:25Huh?
17:25It's a baby penguin, man!
17:27It's just a little baby penguin!
17:29That's what she's going for!
17:30It's a baby penguin!
17:31I told you not to stop the sled.
17:34There was a trail of broken toys
17:36snaking like a circuit cable
17:38plugged right into Santa.
17:40It was close.
17:41I could smell the cookies.
17:43But by the time we got to Santa's village,
17:45it was crystal clear.
17:46Their chestnuts were completely roasted.
17:48Heh heh heh.
17:49Yeah.
17:50You're here to see the big man, huh?
17:51Not like me.
17:52I'm a little man.
17:53I'm an elf.
17:54He's the claws.
17:55The kringle.
17:56He knows when you're awake.
17:58You think your nose is going to light his way,
18:00but he's the one that's going to light the way, man.
18:02He's going to light us all up.
18:04He's in there, you know?
18:05He's really in there.
18:07I got stuck in a chimney one year
18:09and I had a vision.
18:11A vision of a train with square wheels
18:13of a cowboy who rides an ostrich.
18:17And I wept.
18:19What the hell?
18:20Wept like a baby.
18:22Huh?
18:22Are you a good boy?
18:24I'm a Planet of Toys junior executive.
18:27You neither.
18:28You're a naughty boy
18:29who's going to get a stocking full of coal.
18:32Yeah, well, let's just call this payback
18:34for the year I didn't get the bike I wanted.
18:36Oh!
18:39Ow!
18:40Oh!
18:42Eek!
18:43Now cut that out!
18:44Eek!
18:45Eek!
18:46Eek!
18:47Eek!
18:48Eek!
18:50Oh!
18:51Eek!
18:51Oh my God!
18:52Thank you, Santa!
18:56Merry Christmas to all.
18:58And to all, a good night.
19:00The horror.
19:02The ho ho horror.
19:03Uh-oh. It's 1968, and the Viet Cong have had our boys pinned down for days.
19:16What can we do to relax and kill that tension?
19:19Looks like we're gonna need...
19:21G.I. Junkie!
19:23Now with all-new vein-popping action.
19:26Man, this cat is real gone.
19:29And G.I. Junkie comes with the most strung-out accessories, man.
19:33Okay, it's like you'll get a rubber hose for tying off,
19:36and a solid gold ID bracelet that his fiancée gave him that he can pawn for more China White.
19:42And you can even watch G.I. Junkie go cold turkey. Batteries not included.
19:46Wow! Playing with G.I. Junkie is totally addicting.
19:50Of course, I can stop any time.
19:52Wait a minute, kids. The battle's over, and what a mess.
19:56Looks like we're going to need...
19:57G.I. Janitor!
19:59And you'll clean up with these cool G.I. Janitor accessories.
20:03A durable push broom with knotty pine easy grip handle and genuine boar bristle brush.
20:09A key ring with over 1,000 keys.
20:12And a wet floor Pizzo Mahato sign so that G.I. Janitor can avoid lawsuits just like the pros.
20:18So that's G.I. Junkie and G.I. Janitor, just in time for Christmas.
20:23And look for these new members of the G.I. Action family.
20:27G.I. Jailbait.
20:28She'll tell you she's 18, but she isn't.
20:31G.I. Jehovah's Witnesses.
20:33He'll knock at the enemy's door, waking him up early on Saturday morning so that when it's battle time, he'll be too tired to fight properly.
20:40And G.I. Judas, with patented backstabbing action.
20:4430 pieces of silver sold separately.
20:46If you're smart, you'll get the entire G.I. series.
20:49G.I. I am going to buy all eight.
20:52Not available in NATO countries.
20:57Coming up.
20:57Coming up next on Mad TV.
21:00The superstars of the Mexican Wrestling Federation present Miracle on 34th Street.
21:07I am Santa Claus.
21:09You gonna salt an old woman?
21:11Bring it then.
21:11Come on, you old babbit.
21:12Ah!
21:14Thank you, thank you, thank you.
21:16May!
21:20Okay, this is gonna be...
21:21Great, actually.
21:23Miracle, why don't you move over there.
21:24Yeah.
21:25And you switch places.
21:27Chris.
21:27Right, whatever.
21:28Right, fine, fine, fine.
21:29Okay.
21:30Okay, okay.
21:31Everyone smile!
21:33You want me in here?
21:34Yes!
21:36No!
21:37No, actually, no.
21:38No, thank you.
21:39But no, yeah.
21:40Okay.
21:42Oh, ladies and gentlemen, Corky and the Juice Pigs.
21:45Corky and the Juice Pigs
22:15Corky and the Juice Pigs
22:45Corky and the Juice Pigs
22:53Cause when I woke up I was dizzy and blind
22:58Wish I hadn't burned your house to the ground
23:02But the Christmas season always gasped me down
23:05So darling, if you're free in the new year
23:09Maybe we can go out
23:11For a beer
23:14For Christmas dreams
23:16Drunken alibis to you
23:22Mad TV presents Christmas with the Clumps
23:45Honey, you hear that lady's name about Eddie Murphy?
23:50Oh now Cletus, you're not gonna ruin our Christmas dinner
23:52With Eddie Murphy talking
23:53Well why the hell not?
23:54Boy ruining my Christmas dinner
23:56Boy could make another one of them good Hollywood cop movies
23:58But no, he playing a freaky doctor that talked to the animal
24:01Dr. Doolittle
24:02What the hell's he thinking about?
24:04Dr. Do-very-little at the box office living ass meat
24:06Cletus, you don't need to be so hard on that boy
24:09He's just trying to make ass meat
24:10And you always being so hard on it
24:12Speaking of hard, you know what I want for Christmas?
24:14I want one of them young Mexican gardens
24:17Hey, I'm watering my lawn right now just thinking about it
24:21I hope Santa Claus bring me some batteries for my little toy
24:24Oh damn woman, now you done put a picture in my head
24:28I done carved me a big piece of Christmas ham here
24:31And I can't even eat it
24:32Talking about your lawn
24:33Hell, I don't know where to make your lawn grow
24:34Yeah, you kick that up
24:38I'm gonna come over there and cut a piece of Christmas ham
24:40Off your big black chunky ass
24:41In fact, take this
24:44You missed me, bitch
24:46Again
24:48You saw an old woman?
24:51Bring it then
24:51Come on, you old babbitt
24:52Now that's enough
24:54Now we shouldn't be arguing at Christmas
24:56All I'm saying is
24:57Is that Eddie Murphy shouldn't be doing a movie
24:59Where he plays a freak
25:00Like anybody gonna pay good money
25:02To see Eddie Murphy talking big cheap
25:03It's like if Michael Jackson did a movie
25:05About getting his hands all over them young boys
25:07Ho, ho, Captain EO, Captain EO, Captain EO
25:11You know something?
25:11I think Michael Jackson and I were getting along famously
25:15My ex-husband, wherever the hell he at
25:17He always used to say to me
25:19I got the ass of a 14-year-old paper boy
25:22Who did it?
25:24Who did it?
25:24Night and night
25:25Mama, now
25:26It's Christmas
25:27We should be talking about giving and not receiving
25:29I'll tell you one thing
25:30If I ain't giving
25:31I better be receiving
25:32Who did it?
25:34Who did it?
25:34Hell with Christmas
25:35You think Santa Claus gonna bring his fat white ass into this neighborhood?
25:38Hell no
25:39Now that's enough, Cletus
25:40I'm not gonna have you disrespect
25:41My mama like that in my house
25:42Santa's about love
25:43And love has no color
25:44Besides
25:45You don't know that Santa Claus is not a black man
25:47I know Santa ain't no black man
25:49Cause ain't no black man gonna come home late at night
25:50And want himself some milk and cookies
25:52He gonna want himself some pork chop sandwiches
25:53And lima beans
25:54Besides
25:55If he was black
25:56We wouldn't get a gift to the 26th
25:57Instead of unloading his sack
25:59He'd be loading it up
25:59VCRs, camcorders, TVs
26:01Postures, everything
26:02Cletus, what the hell you know about being on time?
26:05Well I do know what time it is now
26:07Ladies, you can do this in front of our guests
26:12Honor
26:13Is it like this in your house, baby?
26:15Sometimes Maria talks with a potty mouth
26:17But I just tell her to shut up
26:19I tell you, Honor
26:22You're the real American dream
26:24Come over here, can't speak good
26:26Get $25 million to be in a Batman movie
26:29That's what it's all about
26:30It makes me very proud to make all that money
26:32And it should
26:33Getting to make all them movies
26:35Blowing people away with your big guns
26:36Hell, I blow people away too
26:38How you like that?
26:42Now where the hell's my 25 been?
26:43Tell you, Honor
26:44Anytime you want to get all sweaty
26:46You can come on up to Grandma's room
26:47And we can pump some ice
26:49Come on this way
26:50Come on this way
26:51I would like that
26:55You're damn right, Wood
26:57You like it all night long
26:59Hey, anybody want to play Name That Primus Song?
27:02Oh, Cletus, don't you dare
27:03Oh, woman, please
27:04Here we go
27:05Wait, I know this one
27:12This is from my movie, Jingle All The Way
27:15Talk about a snake or a water bomb
27:17I need some fresh air
27:21I'll be back
27:23No, I'll do what you got to do
27:26What if I need another man?
27:28Oh, he'll be back
27:31He'll be back
27:32He'll be back
27:33I'm fucking
27:34Can't act worth a hell
27:36But damn, he'll be good
27:37Mad TV will be right back
27:41Look, we're having fun, aren't we?
27:48Sort of
27:48But your show smells funny
27:50I know
27:51And we have someone looking into it, okay?
27:53We're not going to let a little stink ruin our Christmas
27:55It smells really bad
27:58I know
27:59And I said we have someone looking into it, okay?
28:06Hey, I wonder who that is
28:07Hey, look, everybody
28:11It's
28:12I'm sorry, I have no idea who you are
28:15Sorry to interrupt your party, but our car broke down and we've been walking for miles
28:21And we were chased by wolves or wild dogs or something
28:26And we're freezing and we'd appreciate it if we could just come in and warm up for a bit
28:31Well, my first instinct is to say no, but
28:36Um, it is Christmas, so, um, I'll throw it open to the floor
28:39Folks, what do you think?
28:42No
28:43You heard him
28:45Bye-bye
28:46And now, as is our annual tradition here at Mad TV
28:54We present a classic Christmas play
28:57As performed by the superstars of the Mexican Wrestling Federation
29:01Enjoy
29:03And now, ladies and gentlemen
29:19The superstars of the Mexican Wrestling Federation present
29:23Miracle on 34th Street
29:26This is the story of Santa Claus
29:29And how the forces of Satan conspire
29:33To spit upon this jolly man who has done nothing
29:36Except to bring the joy of love to all the villages of the world
29:43And now, let the play begin
29:48I am a senor bag of crap
29:54Starring senor bag of crap as Santa Claus
29:58Also starring El Diablo Negro as the hand of Satan
30:04A lawyer who would crush Santa Claus like he was nothing more than a leaf
30:08Admit it
30:09Admit it
30:10Admit that Santa Claus
30:11Is a lie
30:12Trick
30:14To bring joy and happiness
30:16To children
30:17And the weak
30:18Pathetic fools
30:19Like you
30:21I am Santa Claus
30:25I wish to bring happiness to the children
30:29You
30:31You are
30:33A
30:34Salient
30:35Stop it
30:37Stop it
30:37You are killing me with your words
30:39Is there no one who can help for Santa Claus?
30:45This has gone too far
30:47I have come to break the back of evil
30:50Like so
30:51With my knee
30:52I'm starring El Asa Waipo as himself
30:56Evil
30:57Has now hide its back in fear
30:59For the knee of El Asa Waipo is here
31:03What
31:04Is this
31:06Mambo jumbo you speak?
31:10I say that it is you who speaks the mambo jumbo
31:13I am El Asa Waipo
31:15Don't forget that
31:16I
31:18Only speak
31:20Truth
31:20Whose truth?
31:23The truth of that coyote Satan?
31:26I take your truth
31:28And I break it
31:30Like so
31:31Hold my knee
31:33I am a Santa Claus
31:38You
31:42You too shall
31:44Die foolishly
31:46I laugh at your words
31:51They are so humorous
31:52They make me laugh
31:53I will fight you to the death
31:55To make a world where all men
31:58Can be
31:59Santa Claus
32:00A world where monkeys do not dig up the dead
32:08And parade about wearing their shoes
32:10I tell you I will make a world where little babies can crawl about the streets at night
32:16Without fear of no evil
32:18A world where doggies
32:19Man's best friend
32:21Will not be blown up for testing perfume
32:25To test perfume?
32:27What is that?
32:30Everyone
32:30Get up off the couch
32:32Wherever you are right now
32:34And dig down
32:35And pick up that puppy
32:36And give it a big hug
32:38And whisper in its little ear
32:40And say
32:40You have no fear of being blown up
32:43By this man
32:44I have come to break the back of Satan
32:49Like so
32:51With my knee
32:53I am L.S. Oipo
32:56Santa Claus is real
32:59Miracale
33:01On 34th Street
33:02Miracale
33:03On 34th Street
33:05We're going to play charades
33:22And we're going to dance
33:23And
33:24Oh hi
33:26Everybody
33:26Welcome back
33:28We had a bit of a development here
33:31And it seems that we found the source of the smell
33:33And
33:33It appears that there was a dead body buried in the lodge
33:37That's 15 bodies
33:40Maybe more
33:41God
33:41Everybody
33:43This is Sergeant Mule Deer
33:44From the local police department
33:4615 bodies?
33:48Yeah
33:48Some sort of mass grave down there evidently
33:51Uh
33:51So that smell we were smelling
33:54Wasn't Christmas cookies?
33:56No, no
33:56Rotting flesh
33:57Oh my god
33:58Oh my god
34:00It's right
34:00They were all killed with a single gunshot wound
34:03Execution style to the head
34:04Some of the bodies are dismembered
34:06But they're all falling apart anyway
34:08Because of their advanced state of decomposition
34:10By the way
34:11I love your show
34:13Can I just say that?
34:14I mean
34:15My kids are four and five
34:16And they just eat it up every weekend
34:18You're that cabana lady, aren't you?
34:21The one that says
34:21You like
34:22I like
34:23That old
34:23I love that
34:24But
34:25In any event
34:26We got about three or four meat wagons
34:28That we got to get into your driveway
34:29So
34:30You folks could pull your vehicles out
34:32I'm sure my medical examiner
34:33Would be very appreciative
34:34Merry Christmas, folks
34:36Merry Christmas, Sergeant
34:40Okay
34:41Okay
34:42We're going to take a couple minutes
34:43And a group
34:44And while we do that
34:46Why don't you guys enjoy this?
34:48Just like we're enjoying ourselves here
34:49Right, kids?
34:51Right?
34:53Okay
34:53Kids
34:54Listen
34:55I know that death is difficult to understand
34:58And that
34:58Well, when bodies are in big black bags
35:01Sometimes they're scary
35:02I know that
35:03But they're not going to hurt you
35:04They're already dead
35:05Well, there you go
35:08And have a Merry Christmas
35:09Okay
35:11Who's next to see Santa?
35:19Hello, Santa
35:20Well, you're a big girl, aren't you?
35:23Okay
35:24Okay
35:27So
35:27Tell Santa
35:29Have you been a good girl this year?
35:31Okay
35:31Well, I'm sure you still deserve
35:35To have a present
35:36So tell Santa
35:38What would you like me to bring you this year?
35:43Come now
35:44Don't be shy
35:45I'm sure there must be something
35:47You'd like Santa to leave under your tree
35:49Yep
35:50Well, tell Santa what it is
35:54Okay
35:55Okay
35:58So
35:59What would you like?
36:01A rabbit
36:02Oh, okay
36:04A rabbit
36:05Well, that's not so hard
36:06Was it?
36:07So you'd like a rabbit for Christmas, hmm?
36:09No
36:10What do you mean, no?
36:14Yep
36:14Guess what?
36:17A rabbit
36:18You do want a rabbit
36:20I have a cat named TeeTee
36:22Great
36:24But do you want a rabbit?
36:27I don't know
36:28Do you have any idea how this works?
36:33No
36:33I ask you what you want for Christmas
36:38And then you tell me
36:40It's really very simple
36:42Here, watch
36:43Little boy, what do you want for Christmas?
36:45A computer, a football, a sealer's jacket, and a bike
36:48There, see?
36:49It's a very simple two-part process
36:51So, for the last time
36:53What would you like for Christmas?
36:57A computer, a football
36:59A sealer's jacket
37:01And a bike
37:02And a football
37:04Hey Santa
37:06Could I get one of Santa's helpers over here, please?
37:10Now!
37:12Ho, ho, ho, ho
37:13As my head elf
37:15It's your very important job
37:17To help screen out the special people
37:19Sorry, I was doing the elf stuff
37:23Look, little girl
37:25Why don't you go with my friend here
37:27And she'll teach you how to do some elf stuff
37:31Okay?
37:34Okay
37:34All right
37:38So, who's next?
37:40I
37:40Go!
37:42How the
37:43How did you
37:44How
37:44I would like a rabbit
37:48If I promise you a rabbit
37:51Will you leave?
37:54No
37:54Oh, Hanukkah
38:05Oh, Hanukkah
38:06Come light the menorah
38:08Let's have a party
38:09We'll all dance the hora
38:11Hi
38:12We're the only Jewish cast members on MADtv
38:16Yeah, and the producers have been kind and generous
38:19To give us this very valuable airtime
38:21To let us tell you a little bit about our holiday tradition
38:24Right
38:24So, you know, as Christians celebrate Christmas
38:27We celebrate Hanukkah
38:28We sure do
38:29And
38:29We'll be right back with more of MADtv's Christmas Special Spectacular
38:33Okay, um, I think all in all
38:42I think our MADtv Christmas Special Spectacular turned out pretty good
38:46Yeah, I mean, Mr. Larry Flint showed up and I got to shake his hand
38:48My fake father gave me 20 bucks
38:51And I met Aerie's grandmother after she got out of makeup
38:54And we're getting together later for drinks and, you know, whatever
38:56What are you people talking about?
39:00They found 15 dead bodies under this place
39:0316
39:04Let's face it, you guys
39:06I mean, it was a total disaster
39:08This is the worst Christmas Special Spectacular ever
39:11Or maybe not
39:12Huh?
39:14What do you mean, Mary?
39:15Right
39:15Yeah
39:16Well, in a way, isn't this what Christmas is all about?
39:19Explain
39:20You see, these dead bodies in the basement
39:23Well, they've been there for gosh knows how long
39:26And provided they can match the dental records
39:29Their families will finally find out what happened to them
39:32Yeah, you know what?
39:33I know what Mary means
39:33Because Christmas is about families reuniting
39:36Yeah, and if we hadn't rented this old place to do our Christmas show
39:39Why, we never would have found those decaying bodies
39:42Right
39:42You know what, gang?
39:44I think the MADtv Christmas Special Spectacular
39:47Has given the families of those deceased people
39:49The greatest gift of all
39:51Who's that?
39:52The gift of closure
39:53Oh, word
39:54You know, I guess I never thought of it that way
39:57Yeah, Mary's super smart
39:59No, no, no, no, Mary, he's right
40:02You know, you are super smart
40:03I was just being selfish
40:05That's okay, Deborah
40:06You can redeem yourself with a song
40:07Yeah
40:08That's fun, man
40:09I love you when Deborah sings
40:11Nicole
40:11Hark the herald angels sing
40:17Glory to the newborn king
40:23Peace on earth and mercy mild
40:27God and sinners reconciled
40:30Joyful all ye nations rise
40:33Join the triumph of the skies
40:36With angelicals proclaim
40:38Christ is born in Bethlehem
40:40Christ is born in Bethlehem
40:41Hark the herald angels sing
40:44Glory to the newborn king
40:48The singers from the movie The Omen sing the songs of Christmas
41:09Jingle bells
41:11Jingle bells
41:12Jingle bells
41:13Jingle bells
41:14Jingle bells
41:15Jingle bells
41:16Jingle bells
41:17Jingle bells
41:17Jingle bells
41:18Jingle bells
41:19Jingle bells
41:20Jingle bells
41:21Jingle bells
41:22Jingle bells
41:23Jingle bells
41:24Jingle bells
41:25Jingle bells
41:26Jingle bells
41:27Jingle bells
41:28Jingle bells
41:29Jingle bells
41:30Jingle bells
41:31Jingle bells
41:32Jingle bells
41:33Jingle bells
41:34Jingle bells
41:35Jingle bells
41:36Jingle bells
41:37Jingle bells
41:38We want you to terminate Santa's command.
41:43Terminate the Kringle.
41:44Cookie.
Recommended
42:08
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