- 9 months ago
In Episode 4, it’s all about small cars and tough tests. The presenters hand over the keys to their mums to test several new compact models including the Renault Modus, Honda Jazz, and Peugeot 1007. Richard Hammond tests the new BMW 3 Series, and Jeremy takes the monstrous Cadillac CTS-V onto the track. A mix of family, speed, and surprising performance
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Top Gear Season 6 Episode 4, Top Gear S06E04 full episode, small car reviews, Renault Modus, Honda Jazz, Peugeot 1007, BMW 3 Series review, Cadillac CTS-V track, Mum test segment, compact cars Top Gear
Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
Thank you for supporting our channel
Top Gear Season 6 Episode 4, Top Gear S06E04 full episode, small car reviews, Renault Modus, Honda Jazz, Peugeot 1007, BMW 3 Series review, Cadillac CTS-V track, Mum test segment, compact cars Top Gear
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MotorTranscript
00:00Tonight, I test the Cadillac CTS-V.
00:07Hammond tests the new BMW 3 Series.
00:10And we get three old ladies to test some small cars because we couldn't be bothered.
00:20Hello! Now, at this time of year a lot of people are getting married and there's a lot to think about.
00:25You've got the invitations, you've got the venue, you've got the Brazilian, you know.
00:30Or the honeymoon.
00:31So it's easy to overlook the most important thing.
00:35Is the bridal car powerful enough to jump over the whole wedding party?
00:47Here we have a wedding scene.
00:49This is one of those American-style outdoor ones.
00:51So here are the chairs for the congregation, the arch, the gazebo, and here's the cake.
00:59And this is the car park.
01:02This is where the guests will be staying.
01:07And here's the ramp.
01:09So this is a serious leap for the wedding car.
01:13We're going to need a serious nuptial machine for the job.
01:16And here it is.
01:19Yep!
01:20A stretch limo.
01:24Classy.
01:26It's a 1984 Lincoln town car with a 10-foot stretch and the desirable 5-litre V8 engine.
01:33Oh, this is the high-life.
01:36For look.
01:38Smells of...
01:40Asti-Spermante.
01:42It may have done a few weddings and hen nights, but the suspension is still in tip-top form.
01:49Anyway, let's get down to the hard science of the jump.
01:52The limo weighs three tons, so if our wedding driver is to stand a chance of clearing these and this and this and these, the 26-foot town car will have to be doing 60 miles an hour when it launches from this ramp.
02:09So, there we go.
02:11Everything's ready.
02:13And they're off!
02:17I wonder where it's going to land.
02:25That's one hell of a runner.
02:32Here comes the bride.
02:33Will her limo make it?
02:35It's leap now or forever be smashed to pieces.
02:38One.
02:43One.
02:45One.
02:46One.
02:47One.
02:48A top gear.
02:50One.
02:54One.
02:56One.
02:58Two.
03:00One.
03:01One.
03:02One.
03:03One.
03:04Two.
03:06Two.
03:07I think you'll find if you're planning on jumping a party, any party, don't use a stretched Lincoln.
03:13Yeah, that's good. Good, useful advice.
03:15Can I point out as well, we are aware that that perhaps wasn't the most mature opening we've ever done to this show,
03:20but we did that on purpose.
03:20We started with that because the show started later tonight at 9 o'clock, and we thought kids might like that bit.
03:26Yeah, so if you're seven, you can go to bed now, because the rest of the show is just full of really boring, grown-up stuff.
03:31Not all of it, actually.
03:33Well, we're doing the news now, so...
03:34That's the bit I'm thinking of.
03:36You know why.
03:38I know where this is going, don't I?
03:39I'm going to do it.
03:41Oh, God.
03:43Indeed, the news. And this, just in from Vauxhall, it seems that the Vectra is going...
03:47It doesn't matter, because there's only one big bit of news this week.
03:50Now, Jeremy, where are you? In fact, come on in. There's no point...
03:53I'm not coming out.
03:53There's no point avoiding this, mate.
03:55I'm not coming out.
03:55We're going to talk about it. You will remember, last week on Top Gear, we saw Jeremy's new car.
04:01His Ford GT finally arrived. He was very proud of it.
04:04Who'd like to see what happened when Jeremy set off home in it after the show?
04:09Who'd like to see...
04:10Yeah, that's the right decision. Now, have a look at this. Now, here he is. You'll see he's not actually moving at all, and there's a very good reason for that.
04:20It's a day old. And you push the engine start button.
04:26It's too muted.
04:28What you'll notice here is, look, James is helping me try to mend it while I'm on the phone to Ford.
04:33James May's doing this. He's much better.
04:34And Hammond, what did he do to help? He went home.
04:37It's been a joy.
04:39I'll see you next week.
04:40Yeah, enjoy our car.
04:42Yep, my little wooden Morgan functioning perfectly.
04:45You look quite sad there, mate. I'm... and a bit cross.
04:48Now, can I point out...
04:49It's not sunny!
04:50It is, and the crew were laughing at you, not with you. I want you to know that. You had to put the car away, but it wasn't that bad, because you did get transport to Home of Entries.
04:57Yes!
05:00A Toyota Corolla Verso.
05:03Why are you going to turn to get me home there?
05:05Not quite the stylish exit you'd hoped for, was it?
05:07No. Did you read in the papers this week about short people? It was in all the stories, basically, you're rubbish in bed and you're useless at work.
05:17Come on, don't get off the subject. What was wrong?
05:20It was the immobiliser. The car's fine, okay? It was the immobiliser. You know that little Plipper thing?
05:24Yeah.
05:25It wouldn't unimmobilise the engine, so it had to go back to Ford.
05:28Did it?
05:29Yes.
05:29And then they fixed it, and it's...
05:30Yes, and then they brought it back, and the night they brought it back, two days later, at 3 o'clock in the morning, the alarm went off.
05:35No!
05:36And then again at 4, and then the next night at 11, then...
05:39They wake you up?
05:39Yeah.
05:40And the kids?
05:41Yeah.
05:41And the dogs?
05:42Yeah.
05:42Oh!
05:44So what?
05:44So, and then this is when it gets really good, okay? I had to take it back to Ford.
05:48The alarm keeps blowing for no reason. So on my way back, it's got one of those tracker things on it, you know, where if somebody steals it, it automatically sends out an SOS.
05:57They rang me up, the tracking people, and said, your car's been stolen.
06:00Are you in it?
06:02Yeah. No, it's all right, I'm in it.
06:04So I don't know why, they just rang me up and said, your car's been stolen, and what's your password?
06:08Who knows their password?
06:10Does anyone here know their password?
06:12I don't know.
06:13And they can remotely shut the car down.
06:16Really?
06:17So he's like, if you shut this down, I'm going to come there, I'm going to eat your heart.
06:23I had no idea what my password was.
06:25So did he stop it?
06:26No, he didn't.
06:27I finally got it back to Ford, and then I picked it up again, yesterday, last night.
06:31So finally it's mended, hurrah!
06:32No!
06:33You're joking!
06:35I'm not.
06:36I'm not.
06:37Got in it this morning to come down here.
06:39Ring, ring!
06:40Your car's been stolen.
06:41No!
06:42It hasn't.
06:43And then again, and again, honestly, I've got the phone here, okay?
06:46I've got the phone, they sent you a text, okay, when it's been stolen.
06:49Look at this, okay?
06:50Read.
06:51Look at that.
06:52Theft alert, the car was stolen at 8.49am, 8.22am, 7.22am.
06:59It was stolen five times on the way down here this morning.
07:02That's unfortunate.
07:03Five times?
07:04So, they're going to fix it eventually?
07:06Yes.
07:07If you don't mend it, I'm going to bone your dog.
07:13He's taken all the bones out of my dog!
07:16Mind you, they gave you a courtesy car, didn't they?
07:19Yes!
07:20They gave me a courtesy car.
07:21And it was?
07:22Here's my Ford, it's broken.
07:23I thought, it'll be a DB9.
07:24I mean, they, you know, Ford own Aston, Range Rover.
07:27No, it was a Focus estate with a diesel engine.
07:30I love that.
07:33Two years wait for a Focus estate diesel.
07:36And a big alarm clock.
07:38Right, James, have you got any more news that isn't anything to do with my Ford?
07:42Yes, it's that time of year again, time for the Top Gear motoring survey.
07:45Now, we really do genuinely need your help with this.
07:48Last year it was the biggest survey ever of its kind, 54,000 people, but of course that only happens if you take part.
07:54We want to hear from you if you've got a car registered between 2002 on a 02 plate and 2004 on a 53 plate.
08:02That's very important.
08:03We want to know everything about your car, whether or not it breaks down, whether or not the immobiliser doesn't work, for example.
08:08Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:09Whether or not your dealer's got BO and all that sort of thing.
08:12Log on, www.bbc.co.uk forward stroke, Top Gear.
08:18You can use your experiences to help someone else avoid making the mistake of buying, what?
08:23Ford GT.
08:24Yes, exactly.
08:25Now, you know, small car ads that you see in Second Alley, Exchange and Mark, whatever?
08:30You know that everyone abbreviates everything? Well, apparently, don't, because a survey this week has found that most people don't know what these abbreviations mean, like ICE, you know.
08:39In-car-and-state.
08:40In-car, T&T.
08:41Tax-and-tested.
08:42Tax-and-tested, okay?
08:43Well, things are going to get a lot worse, because acronyms are really coming into the world of cars.
08:47Like, you know traction control?
08:49Yes.
08:50You'd expect that to be TC.
08:51Be-do-no.
08:52That'd be a logical thing, yeah.
08:53PSM.
08:54Porsche Stability Management.
08:55Oh, yes.
08:56BMW have got two, DSC and DTC.
08:59Toyota have got VSC.
09:00Anyone know what ESP stands for?
09:03It stands for Electronic Stability Program.
09:06PDC?
09:07Park Distance Control.
09:09Great haircut.
09:10Wow.
09:11Great haircut.
09:12The essence of it is that from now on, with all these acronyms kicking around, small car ads are going to be impossible.
09:16You're not going to know what on earth they're all about.
09:18I've written one for a BMW for sale.
09:21BMW, 528, 19K, VGC, T&T, FSH, PAS, AAC, OBC, ICE, ABS, EBD, PDC, DTC, DSC, £15,000.
09:33Nice.
09:34Right.
09:35I'd like it, if I may, to talk about Cadillac Potted History.
09:47They started off making kind of big black stuff with running boards for gangsters to stand on.
09:53Then it started making very long pink cars with enormous fins on the back.
10:00For the last few years it's been making horrible old slushmobiles for little old ladies in Florida.
10:06And now they've announced they've made a sports saloon.
10:13And here it is, for a whopping £45,000, the Cadillac CTS V.
10:21The styling was done by someone who only had a ruler.
10:24And the interior is a mass of man-made fibres.
10:29But the firepower comes from the same V8 that you get in a Corvette.
10:34So it's an old person's car with a hammer under the bonnet.
10:40That said, it is quite a big hammer.
10:43Not clever, not sophisticated, but you do get 400 brake horsepower.
10:49That means 0-60 in 4.3 seconds.
10:53And because there's no real green movement in America, there's no electronic nanny limiting the top speed.
11:00So, unlike a Mercedes or a BMW which runs into the electronic buffers at 155,
11:09this will keep going all the way to...
11:12Well, we're about to find out, actually.
11:15It's 200 kilometres an hour in 4.
11:18We've come up to the red line now into 5.
11:22163 miles an hour.
11:27What exactly do you mean, Kyoto Summit?
11:32There are other examples of this American-ness, too.
11:36For instance, in most cars, all the buttons have symbols on them.
11:40So, you know, what everything does.
11:42But in this, everything's written in English.
11:44Because, of course, the whole world speaks English, doesn't it?
11:47And I hate the way it bongs every time you do anything.
11:51I mean, look.
11:53It bongs to tell me I've just turned on the ignition.
11:56And, of course, it bongs if you take your seatbelt off.
11:59Same bong as the ignition bong, though. That could be confusing.
12:05I think it even bongs if you've been breathing out for a long time
12:08to remind you it's time to breathe in again.
12:11So, of course, it bongs when you open the door. New bong.
12:15New bong.
12:16I know the door is open. There's a gap. That's how I got out.
12:22So, as it sits there, bonging away, you're undoubtedly thinking
12:26that this is just another American car.
12:29Fast and a straight line, but absolutely useless at everything else.
12:34Actually, don't be so sure.
12:38Because the CTSV was developed after someone at Cadillac
12:42came across what in America is a very rare book.
12:45It's called an Atlas.
12:48In it, they found many strange and exotic places that weren't America.
12:53And one of these places was a continent called Europe.
12:57And in Europe, they found a country called Germany.
13:00And in Germany, they found something called the Nürburgring.
13:08This is where the new Cadillac was developed.
13:10This is where they tuned its handling and its ride and its steering.
13:14And now, they're saying, the CTSV handles like a European car.
13:21I'm... No, no, I'm sure it can handle like a European car.
13:26Even the same way that Keanu Reeves can do an English accent.
13:30Right up to the moment, he calls someone dude.
13:33European handling.
13:36To test their theory, we brought along an Audi S4,
13:42which has a 4.2-litre V8 and four-wheel drive.
13:45It's a good benchmark, but unfortunately, its driver had become bored with waiting.
13:51Stiggy! Wakey, wakey!
14:05Listen, we've got to do a race, OK?
14:08You're going to drive the Audi and see if you can get past the Cadillac, OK?
14:13OK?
14:17You think that's gone in?
14:21Well, we'll have to find out, I suppose.
14:31Ooh, bad start, but it doesn't matter,
14:34cos I've got all the power here.
14:37Right up behind me through the corner, but...
14:46Oh, I'm just leaving it for dead on the straight.
14:52Absolutely leaving him for dead.
14:56Right, this is where you'd expect the Audi to come barrelling up behind.
15:03And just sail by.
15:06Rip, sophistication.
15:13And yet, no.
15:15And yet, somehow, no.
15:17No.
15:22This is astonishing.
15:23An Audi Quattro with a V8 and a Stig in it, and he cannot get past.
15:32I'm driving a Cadillac that actually handles.
15:38Holy mother!
15:41How is that possible?
15:44Actually, it's easy to explain.
15:48Most American cars drive you round the bend.
15:52But this one actually drives you round the bend.
16:01Soundtrack's not bad either.
16:03To that!
16:04This car is fun, balanced, taught.
16:11And on top of all that, it's very well equipped.
16:14I've got buttons on the rearview mirror.
16:18I've got buttons for opening the garage door on the sun visor.
16:22I've got buttons on the steering wheel.
16:24I've even got a little readout here,
16:27which tells me how much G I'm generating in the bend.
16:30Hmm.
16:32Not sure about that one.
16:34I'm not sure that if you go round a corner fast enough
16:38to generate some meaningful G,
16:41you should really be looking at a little readout.
16:45On the dashboard.
16:47Whoa, come on.
16:49Stop retching, cameraman.
16:51Oh, you've been sick.
16:55For drivers, this is a great car.
16:58But there are a few problems.
17:03Shut up!
17:05It's too big.
17:08It's too expensive.
17:11The gearbox is rubbish.
17:15And it's only available with left-hand drive.
17:19But the worst thing is that it doesn't feel like a quality product.
17:23There's nothing you can put your finger on.
17:26It just feels cheap.
17:32I could liken it really to one of those Steven Seagal films.
17:36There's lots of explosions, lots of people get kicked in the face,
17:40but somehow the movie doesn't have the depth or the texture of Die Hard or The Terminator.
17:46I like this car. I really do.
17:49It's far too good for the old ladies of Fort Lauderdale.
17:52But because of this cheapness, it's not quite good enough for us.
17:56The thing is though, if you have got your heart set on like a big four-seater V8 muscle car from the colonies, have one of these.
18:17Exactly. This is the Vauxhall Monaro.
18:20Got exactly the same Corvette V8 engine as the Cadillac, but it's not American. It's from Australia.
18:27And the great thing about that is that because the Australians still recognise the authority of the Queen,
18:33the steering wheel is on the correct side of the car.
18:36Yeah, there is one thing I have to say though about the Monaro.
18:38It does have a very cheap feel inside, just like the Cadillac.
18:40But that's because this is cheap. I mean, they've just lowered the price now to £29,000.
18:45£29,000 for a V8 muscle car. That's just such good value.
18:50£16,000 less than that.
18:52I know, I know. Remarkable.
18:54So really, we've got another Top Gear Top Tip. If you want a Cadillac, buy a Vauxhall.
18:59Oh no, we haven't finished. We haven't finished. We've got to find out how fast the Cadillac goes round our track.
19:04Which means, of course, we have to hand it over to our tame racing driver.
19:08Some say he is illegal in 17 US states. And he blinks this way.
19:15All we know is he's called the Stig.
19:20And away he goes. It is soaking wet out there today.
19:24So will this American weapon kill the Stig with friendly fire?
19:28Through the first corner. Look at the standing water there.
19:31He's holding it together though very nicely.
19:33Mmm, Prog Rock from Camel there, down on the farm.
19:41Right, coming through Chicago. Keeping it together. Treacherous conditions.
19:46Back stepping out a little bit on the exit.
19:49Coming up to Hammerhead. Nose heavy car. So I'd expect a lot of understeer here.
19:52But the Stig's fault of that, look. The answer is lashings of throttle and power oversteer.
19:58Well done Stiggy.
20:02Now, through follow through. Will he keep his foot down?
20:06Absolutely. I don't know what brave calls he takes, but they're not available on prescription.
20:11Now I should add, even with the traction control off, the Caddy's still trying to use his brakes to stop the car sliding.
20:17And of course the Stig needs no such help. But will the annoying computers hurt his time?
20:23There he is, across the line. I have the time here.
20:27And it is 1 minute 33.4, which is kind of down there.
20:31Now this is the interesting thing, look. The Monaro, also in the wet, 1.33.9.
20:38So half a second quicker than the Vauxhall.
20:40Ah, but is it? Because it's not over there.
20:42You can now get that car with a 6 litre version of that same engine.
20:46It's a bit more expensive. I think it's about 37,000.
20:49Yeah, still 8 grand less than the Cadillac.
20:51And we're having that in in a few weeks. And I would like to predict that that will be a bit reversed.
20:55It will. Yep, Monaro will be back in front.
20:57Anyway, we've now got to move on.
20:58Erm, I found out only this morning that Iran is the most dangerous country in the world for driving.
21:07And that's a convenient thing because our guest tonight bills himself as Britain's funniest Iranian comedian.
21:14Ladies and gentlemen, Amid Jalali!
21:23How are you? Good to see you.
21:25Have a seat.
21:26Fixing up a bit of business there?
21:31We're all mates here, I think. We're all mates.
21:33So now, of course, you're not just a comedian. You are an actor as well.
21:38That's right.
21:39You've appeared in a huge number of American films, as far as that would work out. The Spy Game.
21:44Yeah.
21:45And Bond. Which Bond one was it?
21:47Er, The World Is Not Enough.
21:48That was the one with Sophie Marceau in it, wasn't it?
21:50Yeah, yeah. I played, erm...
21:51A lot of people say to me, don't you get typecast as a kind of Arab scumbag specialist.
21:56But, er, I always point out in the Bond movie I was the second Azerbaijani oil pipe attendant, which is a major, major departure for me.
22:05Er, and then there was Gladiator.
22:08Yes.
22:09So you got to work in Oliver Reed's last film.
22:11Yeah, yeah.
22:12Was it fun working with him?
22:13A lot of fun.
22:14There's a bit where the director says, you've got to grab your balls.
22:16And he says, are you a method actor?
22:17And I said, well, yes.
22:18He goes, do you not mind if I really grab your balls?
22:20And he put his hands and held my balls.
22:23And when there's an action, he held it.
22:25Well, even when they're cut, he still held onto my balls, right?
22:29He did his five takes having a cup of tea, and I just stood there saying, yes, Mr. Oliver Reed.
22:32So it was just...
22:33They still wanted to see how many takes they could do before...
22:36So that must have been a fun film.
22:37It was.
22:39So you, er, you do bill yourself as Britain's funniest Iranian comedian.
22:43Well, there was a joke I used to do in my stand.
22:46I was actually the only Iranian comedian in the world.
22:49And, er, that was three more than Germany.
22:52That was a joke.
22:54But, I did Germany, and that joke didn't go down very well at all.
22:59They kept saying, that's not funny.
23:00And, er, not logical, because you are one, and you are minus three, which makes Germany in deficit of two.
23:06I have a pie chart here.
23:09So...
23:10Erm, now listen, Iranian driving.
23:12I was staggered to find this out, because I always thought India was the most dangerous country.
23:18Iran's the worst.
23:19But Iran's the worst.
23:20They have the highest, er, deaths, I think.
23:22Is it something like 25,000 a year?
23:24Yeah.
23:25I've got the Lonely Planet Guide, okay, they say more than 25,000 people die every year on the roads.
23:3125,000!
23:32I think, actually, doesn't it, I think the tourist guide does say that a lot of the road rage is cars hitting pedestrians.
23:41And they actually suggest that you go around in groups of people.
23:43Yeah.
23:44So that, you know, because people will be put off, because if they crash in groups of people, it's more paperwork at the police station.
23:49They try and avoid that.
23:51Individuals, no big deal, just run them down.
23:54No, there's another one here, which it says that traffic lights, you only stop if they're red, if there's a policeman in the vicinity, and if he's got a high-powered rifle.
24:02Yes, that's it.
24:04But Dad always has said to me that there is a way of dealing with road rage.
24:07Because it happens so much that what you do is if you cut someone off, and then you come, Chloe, it's stopped.
24:13If you open your window down and get your first words in quickly with some kind of bizarre comment, you're okay.
24:18My dad cuts someone off, he goes, watch this.
24:20And you see the guy chasing, he goes, put the window.
24:22My dad said, you, because you, if it wasn't for you, the Millennium Dome would still be functioning.
24:28So you watch, he goes, you know what you did.
24:31Just drive off, shaking your head, you go, yeah.
24:35If it wasn't for you, Manchester would have the Olympic Games in 2000.
24:39You what?
24:40You know what you did.
24:43Iranian cars.
24:44Yes.
24:45There's only one, isn't there?
24:46What's it called?
24:47The Pekan.
24:48Pekan.
24:49Pekan.
24:50It's the old Hillman Hunter.
24:52Yeah, we've got a picture of it here.
24:53There it is, look.
24:54Now, we kid you not, they started making this in what?
24:57The 60...
24:5867.
24:5967, and only stopped six months ago.
25:02I think, yeah.
25:03Have you seen the safety features they list for this?
25:05No.
25:06There are five, okay?
25:07Five safety features, and you know they're struggling when one of them is dipping rearview mirror.
25:12We're aware that it's a pile of crap, but, you know, it's the only car we had.
25:15What are they called, passengers in it?
25:17Shock absorbers.
25:18What interests me about this is that George Bush, okay, he says Iran's next on his hit list.
25:25Because they've got nuclear weapons.
25:26Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:27They've got nuclear weapons.
25:28You can't worry about Iranian nukes if that's the idea of technology there, really.
25:32No, you can't.
25:33And I should tell you that we've got this Iranian, one of our officials, very feisty, he stood up to George Bush.
25:39And he goes, Iran, they have to give up their nuclear weapons program, and we'll do more trade with Iran.
25:45And this guy goes, well, that's great, okay, well, why don't the Americans give up your nuclear weapons,
25:49and we'll send you 20 trucks of pistachio nuts, you know?
25:52They'll get a bit fair.
25:53And it's the same guy.
25:54He's very leery.
25:55Apparently he was at the UN, and it was quite funny.
25:58They had all these Americans and English people that were sitting around, and they were all boasting about their sons,
26:02and they were all saying, you know, American guys said, my son's got an MBA from Harvard,
26:06and the English said, oh, I've got a son with a BA and an MA from Oxford.
26:09And apparently the officials said, that's nothing.
26:11My son had the BMW from Germany.
26:16He really is a Iranian politician.
26:18He's at the UN.
26:19He's a bit fair-fired, he's a bit leery.
26:21He's one of those kind of people.
26:22I quite like the sound of him.
26:23No, because I won't go to America anymore.
26:24I just refuse to...
26:25Why not?
26:26Customs, just, you know, look in your shoes, meaning to your eyes, put them on.
26:31Fingerprints.
26:32You must have awful trouble, though, American.
26:34I do, actually, yeah, I must say.
26:36I always have.
26:37They threatened a strip search once, and I just said, you won't find Bin Laden there.
26:41And, uh...
26:44It made them do it.
26:45I thought I was trying to joke, so I wouldn't do it, but they...
26:47I've never actually had a strip search, but they did make me take off clothes, and it happened.
26:51Ooh, Romanian contact lenses.
26:56Anyway, your lap.
26:58Oh, no.
26:59Oh, God.
27:00It actually...
27:01You didn't look well after you did it.
27:03I felt very sick doing it.
27:04I don't know why it was just...
27:05That's twice, because Jack Dee came here the other day, and he was the same.
27:08It just...
27:09Ooh, I'm so ill.
27:10I don't know what I'm gonna...
27:11Is it comedians?
27:12No, no, I don't know.
27:13I just...
27:14I get fat and sweaty, and...
27:15Well, I am fat and sweaty.
27:16I think that's the problem.
27:17There's your answer.
27:18Well, now, shall we see how you got on?
27:19Oh, God.
27:20All right.
27:21Yeah?
27:22Shall we have a look?
27:23Can we play the tape?
27:24Yeah.
27:25What's with all this?
27:27Oh, that's too slow.
27:28Look at that.
27:29No, that's good, actually.
27:30That's very good.
27:31Watch it.
27:32That was close.
27:33This next corner's the tricky one.
27:34You silly .
27:35No, look.
27:36You didn't go into it too fast.
27:37You listen to the stick.
27:38Did you listen again?
27:39Did you listen again?
27:40Not too fast.
27:41That's the pitiful thing.
27:42That's looking like Jodie Kidd style of driving.
27:44Yeah, yeah.
27:45Florex, son.
27:46Come on.
27:47I was getting into it.
27:48Yeah, no, getting into it now.
27:49Did you kick your foot in here?
27:50Yep, looks like it.
27:51Oh, yes.
27:52Oh, yes.
27:53Oh, yes.
27:54Oh, yes.
27:55Oh, yes.
27:56Oh, yes.
27:57Oh, yes.
27:58Oh, yes.
27:59Oh, yes.
28:00Oh, yes.
28:01Oh, yes.
28:02Oh, yes.
28:03Oh, yes.
28:04Oh, yes.
28:05Oh, yes.
28:06Oh, yes.
28:07I feel sick.
28:21And there we are across the line.
28:29Alright then.
28:30You used to be a chauffeur, didn't you?
28:31I did, yeah.
28:32Like that?
28:33No, no, no, no.
28:34I was when you're a chauffeur you have hours of doing absolutely nothing
28:38And I had these Arab princes two little kids and four Filipino servants 12 hours of the day
28:44You do nothing and then suddenly they were in a hurry and I went down this you know Moscow road off Notting Hill game
28:49It was cool. It was really tight. I had this big Oldsmobile a Porsche and a and a Rolls Royce were badly part
28:54I couldn't get through and they'll say go on get through because I can't get through and the people go baby
28:58I said go on the kids start hitting me going I said get off
29:04And I smashed the two cars alarms went off and everyone just sat quietly and no one said a word that was it
29:10Well, it obviously stood you in good stead there because I've got your time now. Where do you think you came?
29:15Somewhere between the blind man and Richard Whiteley. I'll be very happy
29:19Oh, that would be the two-minute thing and as you can see from that despite the off
29:24I'll be happy if I'll be happy if you're under two minutes. I'll be happy with that. You were well under two minutes. You did it in one minute
29:3151.5
29:34Have you gone off?
29:46Dead heat with Joanna Lumley. Oh, fantastic. Which is fantastic if you hadn't gone off
29:51Yeah, that quick lap that would have been like a 1.49. You'd have been right up there easily the fastest
29:56You'd have been the fastest Iranian in Britain as well
29:59Think of that. That's been an absolute pleasure having you here. Ladies and gentlemen, Amin Jalani
30:04Thank you so much for watching
30:06Thank you so much for watching
30:12Now, every week we're guilty of saying that something is the most important new car of the year
30:18Well, this week we actually have got the most important new car of the year
30:22This isn't it. It's the Ford Mondeo. Now the Mondeo is spacious. It's safe
30:34It's got lots of kit and it's excellent to drive
30:37If you want a car this is a perfect car
30:42There's no logical reason why you wouldn't buy one
30:45And once upon a time the nation agreed when Tony Blair for the 1997 election
30:51He deliberately went after Mondeo man and it made sense because there were plenty of Mondeo men around
30:57In 1997 Ford were selling over 100,000 a year
31:01But since then something extraordinary has happened
31:05The Mondeo has been outsold by the BMW 3 Series
31:11Yep, more people by the expensive executive ex-directory BMW than the cheap and cheerful Ford
31:18Mondeo man has become 3 Series man
31:22And now in 2005 there is a new 3 Series
31:26Naturally BMW claim it's even better than the old one
31:30To find out we must drive it
31:32So let's head for 3 Series country where executives roam in hordes
31:42The M4 corridor
31:45It's business Britain
31:47People whoosh up and down there all day doing business
31:51Now because of the popularity of the previous 3 Series
31:56You'd expect the new one to be an instant success
31:59Ruler of all it surveys in the business parks of Swindon and Reading
32:04But recently BMW has been dropping the ball
32:07Particularly with the love or hate looks of the 1, 5 and 7 Series
32:12That's why the new 3 looks so much more conservative
32:17And it's the same in here
32:20This dash used to curve round like the cockpit of a fighter plane
32:23But now it's as straight as a piece of celery
32:26And just as interesting
32:28And I'm not happy with that
32:31Because I like that full fat Z4
32:34In 20 years time that car will be remembered as forward thinking
32:38This car will be remembered as...
32:41Well it won't be remembered
32:44The looks then are no big deal
32:46A disappointment in fact
32:47But when you look at this car as a machine
32:50Well that is a different matter
32:53Take the engine
32:55Take the engine
32:56It's a 2 litre turbo diesel
32:57Doesn't sound that exciting
32:59But it's got 163 brake horsepower
33:02And the straight line speed is fantastic
33:040-60
33:058.1 seconds
33:06That's 2 seconds faster than a Jaguar X-Type
33:10Or a Mercedes C-Class
33:11Then there's the ride
33:14This has been shameful on new BMWs of late
33:17That's because they seem to be obsessed with using these run-flat tyres
33:21Which means the car drives along the tarmac
33:24With all the subtlety of a clown fight
33:27But in the 360s
33:29The suspension has been designed to work with those run-flat tyres
33:33And the result? Fantastic
33:36The ride's firm
33:37I mean I know I'm on the road
33:39I'm not driving on a marshmallow highway
33:42But I like it like that
33:44Then there's the issue of value for money
33:47Standard equipment on a BMW used to be the windscreen
33:50And all the air in here
33:53That was free as well
33:54Now though this SE version costs £24,000
33:57And you get a CD player
33:59Six airbags
34:01Park distance control
34:03Cruise control
34:04Climate control
34:05Traction control
34:07That's a lot of control
34:09Mind you, a floor mat
34:11An extra £75
34:12So they still haven't completely lost the art of ripping you off
34:17So, it's got the power
34:19The ride is better
34:20You get more stuff for your money
34:22And now I'm getting off the motorway
34:25And onto the A-Roads
34:26Which is where the BMW should deliver its keynote speech
34:30Handling
34:36This is where it absolutely and categorically has to succeed
34:42A BMW that handles badly is a completely pointless object
34:46And the good news is, it doesn't disappoint
34:50It's an almost perfect 50-50 weight distribution
34:55Which means the car is balanced
34:57It's stiffer
34:59The body is stiffer
35:00The chassis is stiffer
35:01The whole thing holds together better
35:02The suspension
35:04Keeps everything
35:05Oh, look at that
35:06It's superb
35:08It's superb
35:09I'm driving a four-door, four-seater, mid-size saloon with a diesel engine
35:15I should be bored rigid
35:17But I'm not
35:21It's a bit like U2
35:23You know you're supposed to hate them
35:25And then you hear their new album and you think
35:28Oh, fucker, they've done it again
35:31I've had a damn good drive in the new 3 Series
35:35And I can report that as a machine, it's fantastic
35:39What amazes me though, what I keep thinking about
35:43Is this business of it outselling the Ford Mondea
35:46A car that we know is brilliant and costs ten grand less
35:50It's hard to fathom until you drive around and look at modern Britain
35:57The answer is right there
35:59Why do we want M&S when we can get Armani and Toby Hilfiger here on the high street?
36:05The Ford is M&S, it's the wrong brand
36:08We don't want middle of the road, C&A, all over
36:11We don't want to live on the close anymore
36:13We want to live in modern developments with hard drives in the walls
36:16We want iTunes and DVDs to play on our flat screen plasmids
36:23A BMW 3 Series is the car for all this
36:26The engineering might be great
36:28But the snob value of the badge is even stronger
36:32But there's a problem with that
36:34The very reason you buy a BMW
36:36Because it's exclusive and different
36:39Well, it just isn't
36:41It's a tricky one, isn't it?
36:46It is tricky
36:47It is tricky because as a piece of engineering this is fantastic
36:50It's awesome, it is brilliant
36:51And it's great to drive
36:52It really is, yeah
36:53A couple of things though
36:54When I'm looking at it, it's like an enormous sofa
36:56With four little casters on the bottom
36:58The wheels are very small, aren't they?
37:00When you look at it
37:01They're just buried in there
37:02The thing is
37:03If you buy one of these
37:04What you're saying is
37:05I have no imagination
37:07So given that that one goes out the window
37:09What would you have?
37:11Err
37:12Well, if I really wanted to stand out from the crowd
37:13Have something a little bit different
37:14I would have the Mondeo
37:16Yes, that alternative car
37:17But the thing is
37:18Every time I drive one of those
37:19I think this is
37:20This is brilliant
37:21It is a very good car
37:22They are absolutely brilliant
37:23We've also got a few more in the studio
37:25Honda Accord
37:26James May loves that one
37:27He does
37:28It is a very good car
37:29Audi A4
37:30So this is
37:31I think as we can see
37:32Very, very difficult
37:33And for that reason
37:34We have over here
37:35The Top Gear Down to Earth board
37:38Now we use this
37:39Well, we used it once
37:41Actually
37:42To sort the wheat from the chaff
37:43And we're trying to determine
37:44Which of a particular segment of the market
37:46Which cars we would actually buy
37:49If it were our own money
37:50So we've got
37:51What have we got here?
37:52We've got the Primera
37:53No
37:54Not really
37:55The Peugeot
37:56Looks good
37:57Looks very good
37:58But no
37:59We've got people who eat onions
38:01Vauxhall Vectra
38:03Anyone got one?
38:04I have
38:05Who?
38:06Who says
38:07You have
38:08And you're a big chap
38:09It's a nice car
38:10Good, good choice
38:11I may have been wrong about that earlier
38:14Erm
38:15Which one would you have?
38:17Which one would you steal?
38:18It's like a car thief, isn't it?
38:23Anyone under 25 is a car thief in my book
38:26Jaguar?
38:27Jaguar?
38:28You'd have the Passat
38:29It's a quality car though
38:30It's for the money
38:31So you'd have
38:32I'd have
38:33I'd have
38:34That one
38:35The Mazda 6
38:36Because
38:37It's very good value for money
38:39Okay?
38:40It won't go wrong
38:41It looks very good
38:42And it's fantastic to drive
38:43It is a very good car
38:44I do like that
38:45I like the Laguna
38:46Safe car
38:47But I'd also like the Saab
38:49But it's on
38:50Jaguar?
38:51No, no
38:52You've got the Merc C-Class problem
38:53No, I would have
38:54The new
38:55VW Passat
38:56Drove this recently
38:57It's a good car to drive
38:58Slightly more expensive than that
38:59But not by much
39:00And it's got a quality feel
39:01That girl behind you
39:02Taller than you
39:03She is taller than me
39:04I'm aware of them
39:05I haven't even turned around
39:06I know she's taller than me
39:07She's also
39:08She's coming out in her nighting
39:09Which is quite funny
39:10You aren't wearing your pyjamas
39:12Yeah, I'm wearing my pyjamas
39:13Don't be embarrassed
39:14Anyway, a Top Gear top tip there
39:17If you want the best car in the class
39:18You buy the BMW 3 Series
39:20If you want to be perceived as a human being
39:22Get one of those
39:24Right, now over the last few weeks
39:26You have all very kindly been emailing
39:28With your nominations
39:29For the greatest driving song of all time
39:32And the results are not very encouraging
39:35No, it's not been going desperately well
39:36The thing is, you see, last week
39:38Meatloaf, Bat Out of Hell
39:40Was at the top of the running
39:42And we asked you
39:43Well, no, actually we implored
39:45We begged you
39:46To vote and do something about it
39:47And do you know what?
39:48It's made no difference
39:49Cos look, here's the top five
39:50And it's still there in the running
39:52Now, we know how many people voted
39:55For the Fat Oaf
39:57Yes
39:58More importantly, we know where you live
40:00Yes
40:01So you're not a fan of Meatloaf either then?
40:04No
40:05Really?
40:06No
40:07How then would you explain this?
40:08It's clocks and rocks
40:10Full throttle anthems
40:12A CD giveaway with a newspaper
40:13And on the back
40:14I don't know what I'm telling you
40:15These are your favourite tracks
40:16You know what's on here
40:17Number two, Meatloaf
40:18Bat Out of Hell
40:19It's on there
40:20It was a long time ago
40:222004, it says there
40:24Listen, now the point about this is
40:26Meatloaf hasn't actually won yet
40:28What we have here is simply the top five nominations
40:30In no particular order
40:31What we're going to do over the next five weeks
40:33Is feature one song per show
40:35We're going to tell you all about it
40:36A bit about how it was written
40:37And so on
40:38And then you get a chance to vote for it
40:39By telephone
40:40Yes
40:41And then on the final show of the series
40:43We can show you the winner
40:44The ultimate
40:45The overall top track
40:46All you have to do is ring
40:4709011
40:49986363
40:50And then you press one for Golden Earring
40:52Two for Steppenwolf
40:53Three for Queen
40:54Four for Deep Purple
40:56Five for Meatloaf
40:58Assuming you can get your fat
41:01Swollen
41:02Sweaty
41:03Stumps
41:04Of inbred fingers
41:05Onto the part
41:06For tonight's class
41:07Right
41:09Thank you
41:10And er
41:13I shall explain
41:14Cause cost 10p
41:16Erm
41:17Now we've got to move on
41:18A lot of new small cars have been launched recently
41:21And the producer said that thousands and thousands of people are going to buy them
41:25And that it was our responsibility to test them
41:27Now frankly this was a shoulder sagging moment really
41:31Not a good prospect
41:33And then I had a brainwave
41:34Instead of like us testing them
41:37We'd get them tested by Mrs Hammond, Mrs May and Mrs Clarkson
41:40Our mothers
41:42She doesn't care what car she drives so long as it has an automatic gearbox and classic FM on the stereo
41:49So naturally she has a Honda Jazz
42:02And finally this is Mrs May who has a Seata Rosa
42:03She's been done for speeding twice which is two times more than James
42:05So that's the mothers
42:06And these are the cars they'll be testing
42:07The new Renault Modus
42:09Honey I shrunk the Espace
42:10It's crammed with lots of storage space and versatile seating
42:11Then there's the new Renault Modus
42:12Honey I shrunk the Espace
42:13It's crammed with lots of storage space and versatile seating
42:17Then there's the space-age Peugeot 1007
42:18This has electronic sliding doors and a pick-up
42:19The new Renault Modus
42:20The new Renault Modus
42:21Honey I shrunk the Espace
42:22It's crammed with lots of storage space and versatile seating
42:24Then there's the space-age Peugeot 1007
42:26This has electronic sliding doors and a pick-and-mix dashboard
42:33And finally there's the new Honda Jazz
42:35Well when I say new it has new headlamps
42:37No real trucks
42:39And the new Renault Modus
42:40And the new Renault Modus
42:41The new Renault Modus
42:42Honey I shrunk the Espace
42:43It's crammed with lots of storage space and versatile seating
42:47Then there's the space-age Peugeot 1007
42:49This has electronic sliding doors and a pick-and-mix dashboard
42:52And finally there's the new Honda Jazz
42:54new headlamps. No real tricks here, but it is a Honda, so it's likely to last even longer
42:59than our mother's. Anyway, it's time now to introduce the cars to our mums.
43:06Wouldn't it be fun if they hit each other? And get their expert opinions. One's yellow,
43:11what's the other? Blue and a ghastly green. Clearly some blanks need to be filled in.
43:17Hello mums. Hello. There they are. They're all small cars. The viewers, they want to know which
43:27is the best car from your point of view, because if it's just us, we'll drive around corners too fast
43:31and squeal rubber, and that'll be pointless. Now they all cost between £11,000 and £12,000. They're
43:38all small. They've all got 1.4 litre engines, haven't they? Is the heater on? The heaters are on,
43:43they're warm. They're all going to have heaters. You'd be hard pressed to find anything.
43:48Really? If I say I don't like the gas, will you still speak to me? No. Oh. With the bones of the
43:54cars explained, we thought it might be a good idea to crack on with things. Now, time for the first
44:00challenge, the living with it test. I've set up all three cars for us, not our mums. What we want to
44:07know is how easy or hard it is for them to get settled in and make themselves at home. Yeah. Now,
44:12on the signal, the mothers are going to run to the cars, Le Mans style, unlock the doors, get in,
44:17they'll have to adjust the seats, adjust the mirrors, change the radio station from KISS FM to
44:22Classic FM, and then, unlike any other motor racer you've ever seen, the winner is the first one to
44:29set off. The conventional Honda should play well here. Unlike the more high-tech Frenchies, especially
44:37the Peugeot with its electric doors and flappy paddle gearbox. And they're off.
44:46No, no, no. Mrs Clarkson goes for the Peugeot. Mrs Hammond for the Renault.
44:53The Chardox must be up. And Mrs May for the simple as you like Honda.
44:58First of all, you've got a seat in the comfortable position. I'm not here to help you. I'm here to
45:04make sure you don't cheat. Do you like the doors? No. I can't help you. I can only check that you
45:10don't cheat, but it is a knob on the right. Oh, yes, I got it. There you go. Hey, what are you
45:15fiddled with? Nothing. I was just checking that was all working. That's it. Oh, heavens. Mrs May has
45:21already got her engine started. You need to press a button that unfolds the mirrors. Do you want to
45:26put your specs on? Two buttons. Don't. Engine. Pressing the little button and nothing's happening.
45:34Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I don't know. There's a key. Key? No, because it's all over. Am I? There's your wipers.
45:43There's the wipers. That's your indicator on. Yeah, what you're doing there is pressing every button
45:48until you hear Terry Wogan. Right? Yeah, that's radio one. Oh, foot on the brake. Is that it?
45:57Could be. Ah, you see? That's being corrupted. No, that's four. This is technically a race.
46:06That's too far. It seeks. Yes. Go. Go. Mrs May is underway. Victory. That's an easy...
46:17Go down there. No, no, no. It's just that must mean that the Honda Jazz is an easy car to understand.
46:24We're good to go. Amazing, Carl. Clarkson's not going anywhere.
46:33Help me. It's so close. Oh, and it's gone away. It was on the dashboard and it's gone.
46:40You've got it. Ah! That's good. Okay, go.
46:44Now we're moving to the flappy paddle gearbox. Put it into water. Could do.
46:50Will it go now? It may do.
46:56We're moving. We're not. We're not. Handbrake's on. Now...
47:00We're moving. We're moving. We're moving.
47:04We're moving.
47:08So then, a clear victory for the Honda Jazz in the user-friendliness test.
47:13And a solid last place for the decidedly unfriendly Peugeot.
47:19But what will happen in the next challenge?
47:22Right, it's time to test these cars for outright speed. And to do that, we've organised a special
47:28mother's drag race.
47:30The clear favourite is the Renault Modus.
47:33Goes from 0 to 60 in 11 and a half seconds thanks to its 97 brake horsepower engine.
47:39Whereas the Peugeot, with just 75 brake horsepower and those heavy oars, is the rank outsider.
47:59It wouldn't be sent to pod. Start that. The lights were green for 15 minutes.
48:03Come on, come on.
48:05It's 0 to 60 in 18 seconds, the Peugeot.
48:13Did the Renault win that?
48:15Yes, it did. Pipping the Honda and thrashing the Peugeot.
48:19How fast were you going when you went across the line?
48:21No idea. I don't want to look at this.
48:22Anyone see a speedometer?
48:24No. No. Can we do it again? But it's shot off.
48:27Not really, no.
48:27So, one victory each for the Renault and the Honda, and nothing for the Persia.
48:34But our maternal shootout isn't over yet.
48:37Now it's time to find out which of the cars is the most practical and commodious,
48:41by jamming them full of as much stuff as possible.
48:43Now, we're just using boxes of old junk cleared out from the mother's lofts.
48:47You know, the kind of old tat that, you know, nobody could possibly want or be prepared to read.
48:52Oh, this one. Sorry. I'm not going to help.
48:56No, there won't be anything in there. Got it.
49:00Open that.
49:00Oh, that's very easy, isn't it? Yes.
49:02Don't that really relax.
49:04No, no. Look, you've done something too.
49:06No, no. It's got a double feature.
49:07You can do this with just a little...
49:10So, if you just want to throw something in, it's called the shopping chute.
49:14Right.
49:15Or, you can open the whole boot.
49:17Now, if you look under the D of Modest...
49:19There.
49:20In this test, we're looking not just at how big the boot is, but also at how clever it is.
49:25No.
49:27What? No, you can take the whole thing out.
49:28Okay. Okay.
49:29Then this is...
49:31If you lift up the seat squab, pull it up. That's it. There, look.
49:35So, if you've been to the garden centre, you've got like a big yucca plant.
49:38Yeah. Without having to do the whole of the back, then.
49:41Yeah.
49:41The Renault had a party piece, too.
49:43If you've got three people sitting in the back, one, two, three, it'll only go back to there.
49:47Now, if you've got two, you lift that up, lift those in, and then it'll go all the way back to there.
49:56Sounds good. Until your mum tries to do it.
49:59Oh, yes. Oh, I see. Right.
50:01Now, you slide the whole seat back.
50:03So, you see, they weren't thinking of you when they did that.
50:06No.
50:06Can't do that.
50:07Can't do that.
50:08In fact, moving the Modest's seats was a hefty job from any angle.
50:11Oh! Well, wait a minute. With difficulty.
50:15The Peugeot, however, was starting to come good at last.
50:18Yes.
50:19Pull that.
50:19Easy, but perfect.
50:21And we're away.
50:22Now, is that easy?
50:23That was very easy, yes.
50:24Now, I'm not supposed to help you, but...
50:26But I think you might.
50:27Yes, ma'am.
50:29I think this, if you had a really heavy load, that's quite high.
50:32You see, a flat load of base like that means, I mean, that is...
50:35That's very good.
50:38Now, you can't slide anything across because there's a lump look.
50:41I'm trying to push something in.
50:43Well, you miss that kind of thing.
50:44Do you know they've got 19 gymnasts in this when they launched it?
50:47Yeah, they're really.
50:49All from China, no doubt.
50:50Oh, dear.
50:52James.
50:53Yes, that's right.
50:54What I've just found in Hammond's box.
50:56Oh!
50:58Harry's publicity pictures.
50:59What do you think?
51:00Okay, look at that.
51:00Late Night Love.
51:01Late Night Love on 96.3 Cleveland FM with Richard Hammond, but look.
51:07This is one of 30 radio stations.
51:09Oh!
51:11Hang on.
51:14I can see why he gets the job hosting crafts.
51:17Ready?
51:18Steady.
51:19Dog-tanyan.
51:22Don't want that.
51:25With the last of the boxes loaded,
51:27the mothers discussed which car should have the practicality prize.
51:31But you don't have to have it all open at the same time.
51:34That's what's good.
51:35Whereas these, you do.
51:36My mother is, yeah, that's her telephone horse.
51:39Hey, notice that the seats fluid flip.
51:41That's good.
51:42Don't put that in or I'm dead.
51:44Well, this wasn't heavy to do, but as I say,
51:46you miss having the back door to be able to get in at the side.
51:49It's a jazz, haven't you?
51:50I've got the jazz.
51:51And I have to say, I'm not going to swap it.
51:53No, I can see why.
51:54So, another win for the jazz, making it two wins for the Honda,
52:00one for the Renault in the drag race,
52:03and null point for the Persia.
52:10Next, though, our mums took us for a drive
52:12to see what the cars were like on the move.
52:14Can we go really fast?
52:17As fast as you like.
52:18It's a pretty safe track, yes.
52:20Yeah, but there are things coming the other way.
52:22Well, you've got a steering wheel.
52:28Did you bring me a fruitcake?
52:29I bought you two for that.
52:30I bought you one?
52:31Fruitcake, one day to warlock cake.
52:33Uh, for goodness sake.
52:34You adjust the mirrors.
52:36There.
52:36No, that's the door.
52:38There.
52:38No, that's the windows.
52:39Not there.
52:40No, it isn't.
52:41It is.
52:42Ah!
52:42It just is.
52:45Both hands on the wheel.
52:47Why the sliding doors?
52:49What's the idea behind it?
52:51Well, it's supposedly so that in car parks and places,
52:54you don't have to open the door out.
52:55It slides so it doesn't float the car next to you.
52:58Right.
52:59But it is very nice.
53:00It's very smooth.
53:01The gear changes easy.
53:03Some of this car, some of it, I have to say,
53:06if I were reviewing it...
53:07Well, the designers have obviously thought,
53:09for crying, I'm like, what can we do now?
53:11We've done everything.
53:13What you haven't got is as much access to getting the back seat
53:17as you would have in a four-door car.
53:19That's a good point.
53:21The Renault is the safest if you're in the front,
53:23the safest for children in the back,
53:26but it's not so good if you run someone over.
53:29Oh, no!
53:30You know the boot chute?
53:32Yes.
53:32200 quid.
53:33No.
53:35It is, I think it's slightly noisier.
53:39That's why I don't like low-profile tyres,
53:42because you can feel the road climbing.
53:45Low-profile tyres?
53:46No low-profile wheels.
53:48Where did you learn that?
53:50Crikey!
53:51And on that bombshell, it was time for a lap of our track.
53:54Not the whole one, obviously.
53:55We don't have time for that.
53:56So, just the bottom end.
53:58Mrs. Hammond was first in the Honda Jazz.
54:05What was the veering off to the left?
54:07They're getting lined up.
54:12Is it indicating?
54:13She's a safe and sensible driver.
54:15I've got anything wrong.
54:18I think we should stress at this point,
54:21that we're not actually going to learn anything.
54:22No, no.
54:23In this exercise.
54:24And it's a...
54:27A 117.9.
54:29What does that mean?
54:30So, can Mrs. May beat that in the Renault?
54:38James, she's so much faster than you.
54:40I've never seen you drive this aggressively.
54:42Well, that's why I don't.
54:44Because I was traumatised as a small boy,
54:46back at the bar for the court.
54:48And this is what you are.
54:50But she double-D clutch.
54:52Just did a 111.8.
54:55You know how there's sort of global speculations
54:58to the identity of the stick?
55:03And then it was my mum's turn.
55:06What are you going to see now?
55:06I'm expecting aggression.
55:08No, you're going to see now a 70-year-old woman
55:12in a very heavy car.
55:16It doesn't pull away quickly, does it?
55:19It's such a slow car.
55:23She'll be on the phone by now.
55:26She's into the hammerhead, not lost.
55:28This is quick.
55:29It's pretty much stationary there, to be brutally honest.
55:32Here it comes, 111 to beat.
55:38A 117.3.
55:40So, what we've proved here is the slowest car's the second fastest.
55:45With all the tests completed, we asked our mums to retire and consider a verdict.
55:50Unfortunately, they got sidetracked.
55:53Six letters beginning with A.
55:54It's not cryptic.
55:57So, we got them seated round a table.
56:01You've got all the information.
56:02You've driven all the cars.
56:03I would have the jazz, because it handles well.
56:07There's plenty of space in the back.
56:08It was also when the back seats were down, there was very little room for your legs for driving.
56:16I couldn't get the seat back far enough.
56:18I didn't notice that.
56:19Although we sort of think, hey, those sliding doors are great, I absolutely guarantee you,
56:23like having an old internet connection, after two days, you'd get really impatient.
56:28Because they're too short.
56:29They are so.
56:29There's another thought.
56:30Good for anybody getting into the front.
56:32But as you pointed out.
56:33No, good for getting in the back.
56:35You can't.
56:35No, they don't come back far enough.
56:37Okay, then.
56:38So, we've got the Renault and the Honda Jazz.
56:40You've already declared your support for the Honda Jazz.
56:43Yeah.
56:44Even though the Renault is plainly cheaper, faster, bigger.
56:48Well, I was all for the jazz until I drove the Renault.
56:52And then I started to waver.
56:53Although I wasn't driving top gear speeds on the track.
56:56Oh, I don't know.
56:57Oh, I don't know.
56:58Oh, I will.
57:00Going around those bends, it stuck like glue to the road.
57:04That was a one minute, 11 second lap you did there.
57:07I still think, overall, I would go for the jazz,
57:10because I think it's a more attractive car to look at.
57:12But I still, still want the jazz.
57:14It's a very nice car.
57:15And there we are.
57:16A unanimous verdict in favor of the Honda Jazz.
57:33Now, yes, that was a predictable verdict and wrong.
57:38Oh, no, no, no, no, no, hang on.
57:40I think they were right about the Peugeot.
57:42Because, well, come on, if we tested this, we'd have spent all day with that button,
57:45going, bzzz, with the door, saying, hey, this is like Star Trek.
57:48But our mothers were able to see beyond that and recognize that the rest of this car
57:52is rubbish.
57:53It is.
57:54It is.
57:54It is.
57:55It really is rubbish.
57:57Thing is, though, I don't think the jazz is the best.
58:00I only think the Renault's the best.
58:01And I think you're right.
58:02I think the Renault's the best.
58:03So we all think the Renault's the best.
58:06Interesting, isn't it?
58:07Your mother knows best, but not on this occasion.
58:10And on that bloom rinsed bombshell, it's time to end the show.
58:14Next week, we're back on 8 o'clock.
58:16Yeah, here we are.
58:17And we'll be there for the rest of the run.
58:18So we'll see you next week.
58:19Good night.
58:26OK, stay here on 2.
58:28Six of the nation's finest comedians are ready to mock the week.
58:31Coming up next.
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