- 19 hours ago
The presenters stage a dramatic race to the Mexican border: Jeremy drives the new Jaguar F-Type, while James and Richard take public transport. Along the way, they face challenges, chaos, and close calls. Hugh Jackman stars in the Reasonably Priced Car.
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Top Gear Season 19, Top Gear S19E05, Top Gear Mexico race, Jaguar F-Type Top Gear, Top Gear BBC 2013, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, James May, Hugh Jackman Top Gear, Top Gear car race, The Stig
Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
Thank you for supporting our channel
Top Gear Season 19, Top Gear S19E05, Top Gear Mexico race, Jaguar F-Type Top Gear, Top Gear BBC 2013, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond, James May, Hugh Jackman Top Gear, Top Gear car race, The Stig
Category
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MotorTranscript
00:00:00Tonight, I hold up a jar, James points at a hill, and Richard eats a sandwich.
00:00:30Hello, and welcome. Thank you so much, everybody. Thank you.
00:00:35Now, we start tonight with a big and important issue.
00:00:38You see, back in 1975, just 15% of people aged over 70 had a driving licence.
00:00:46Today, it's more than 60%.
00:00:48And that means the roads are full of people whose eyes are broken and whose feet hurt.
00:00:55And car makers are just not recognising this fact.
00:00:59Most modern cars are made for techno-savvy teenagers.
00:01:02Yeah, my mother, she just says all she wants from a car is classic FM and a heater.
00:01:06And everything else is a waste of money and annoying and possibly even dangerous.
00:01:11Which is why Jeremy and I decided it was time we went out and bought a car to modify it,
00:01:16especially for today's enormous army of pensioner drivers.
00:01:23This meant heading to the Top Gear Technology Centre, the birthplace of all our great projects.
00:01:28And while Richard went off to buy a car which we could modify, I examined the scale of the problem.
00:01:35This Volvo has very few buttons and that's a good thing.
00:01:40But each one seems to do 28 different things depending on how you push it.
00:01:46What does my car mean?
00:01:48Bliss, DSTC, collision warning. Why would you want to turn that off?
00:01:53Look at these. If you're 85, these are just out of focus hieroglyphics.
00:01:58Things were just as bad in this Ford Focus.
00:02:03What does block fun of A mean?
00:02:08There's literally nothing, nothing on here which is old people friendly.
00:02:13Press source for USB-BT line in.
00:02:17I'm sure all this makes perfect sense to the fetus that designed it.
00:02:23But to anyone over 65, it is just incomprehensible gibberish.
00:02:29Before I had a chance to get to grips with the Citroen,
00:02:32Richard was back with the car he bought.
00:02:37A Fiat Multipler, famous for having three seats in the front and three in the back.
00:02:43To decide what to do with it, we set up a mood room.
00:02:48All top designers use rooms like this to put them into the actual mind of the customers they're trying to attract.
00:03:11So, for example, we have an early vacuum cleaner, a one bar heater, a TV listings magazine, many of which are available,
00:03:19with the programmes we want to watch highlighted.
00:03:22It really is just like being in James May's front room.
00:03:24Well, where do you think we got everything from?
00:03:26I think what I'm seeing with every single thing in here is simplicity and comfort.
00:03:37Comfort on the vulgar door chair, simplicity of the mop, the drinks globe, the kettle, the TV, everything is simple.
00:03:45It's simple, straightforward, and yet in the case of this small sofa also strangely itchy.
00:03:51After several intense hours in the mood room, we at least knew what colour our car should be.
00:04:00So, we went off to get some paint.
00:04:07Excuse me, do you know this machine?
00:04:09Yeah.
00:04:10Can you match the colours of things?
00:04:12Yeah, enjoy it.
00:04:13Can you match the colour of this hearing aid?
00:04:17This bit, specifically that bit, yeah.
00:04:19That is a symphony in beige.
00:04:21That's the colour we want.
00:04:22Come on.
00:04:23But it can really do that, so it analysed the colour of the hearing aid.
00:04:27Could it do my left nipple?
00:04:34With the paint sorted, we went back to the Top Gear Technology Centre to begin work.
00:04:39Look at this dash.
00:04:43Speedo, out of focus, radio, too complicated.
00:04:47It's all going to be changed.
00:04:49All of it.
00:04:50I've been thinking about safety, not just for the car's occupants.
00:04:54So, with that in mind, old people find it very difficult to look around when they're reversing.
00:04:58It's just a fact.
00:04:59So, I'm planning a system for the rear to help them stop reversing into garage walls and lampposts.
00:05:07They're wives.
00:05:08I'm also planning much, much bigger door mirrors.
00:05:11Then, at the front, a radical redesign of the front bumper to avoid and minimise expensive bodywork damage.
00:05:18Thinking.
00:05:24After several hours, Jeremy's dashboard was beginning to take shape.
00:05:34Um, airbags.
00:05:35Yeah?
00:05:36Dangerous.
00:05:37Because you're not allowed to put children in the front seat with them there, are you?
00:05:40Because they're too delicate.
00:05:42Yeah.
00:05:43Old people, they tend to sit quite far forth, even when they're not driving.
00:05:47They're just as delicate as children.
00:05:49There you go.
00:05:50Danger.
00:05:51So, I think we get rid of them.
00:05:52Can I have them?
00:05:53Yeah, I don't need them.
00:05:54I've got a plan.
00:05:55Here, I'll have your airbags out.
00:05:56Are you sure this is...
00:05:57I'm not sure this is...
00:05:58Yes!
00:06:00But the airbag had to be defused by cutting one of the two wires.
00:06:05Which one do I cut?
00:06:07Because one presumably sets the bomb off.
00:06:09Yes.
00:06:10Well, not bomb, but explosives.
00:06:11Yeah.
00:06:12How much explosive is in an airbag?
00:06:14Quite a lot.
00:06:15Is there?
00:06:16Is it really a lot?
00:06:17It's a lot.
00:06:18Genuinely, it's a lot.
00:06:19You can get burns from it.
00:06:20It's a lot.
00:06:21So, let's get inside the mind of the man who made it.
00:06:24Is it Italian?
00:06:25Yeah.
00:06:26So, if I think it's blue, it's probably brown.
00:06:30Yeah.
00:06:31That's brown.
00:06:32That might be what they want you to think.
00:06:37Wait.
00:06:38Wait.
00:06:39Wait.
00:06:40What colours are in the Italian flag?
00:06:41None of those.
00:06:43Wait, wait, what colours are in the Italian flag?
00:06:50None of those.
00:07:07I wasn't worried, I wasn't worried.
00:07:09We could just edit all that stuff out.
00:07:13While Hammond continued with his safety features, I started making a new dashboard and soon had something to show my colleague.
00:07:22You know, elderly people like to drive quite slowly.
00:07:26Yeah, like James.
00:07:27Exactly. So this is what I've done to get around the problem.
00:07:29Brilliant, so it only reads 20, even if they're doing 80 miles an hour.
00:07:33115.
00:07:34So it's Hammond enjoying 17 miles an hour, so they're happy.
00:07:38The people stuck behind, whose wives are in labour and they have meetings to get to, they're happy.
00:07:42Everybody wins.
00:07:43I was also rather proud of my old people-friendly rear fog light.
00:07:48This will be mounted in the car, this is the switch.
00:07:50So as soon as it starts a little bit of light drizzle, the elderly person turns on the rear fog light.
00:07:55And then what happens around the back is absolutely nothing at all.
00:08:01With the new dash sorted, I started to think about the rear seats.
00:08:05And I went online to search for an advert I remembered from the early 80s.
00:08:10And that's it, that's it.
00:08:12Hammond, Hammond, Hammond, come and look at this.
00:08:14Watch this commercial.
00:08:15Ready?
00:08:16Yeah.
00:08:17It's grand to find a comfortable chair when you're getting on a bit or you've got arthritis.
00:08:23My niece got this from Shackleton's, you know.
00:08:26You know.
00:08:27You know.
00:08:28Shackleton's original high seat.
00:08:31Never thought it'd be so easy to get in and out of.
00:08:34Shackleton's high seat chair, it's lovely.
00:08:38Hang on, so you're saying replace that with one of those?
00:08:41But they're so easy to get in and out of, you know.
00:08:44And it is lovely to find a nice high seat.
00:08:56Things were better in the old days.
00:08:57Oh, it was.
00:08:58Fast.
00:09:06Coming in from the back.
00:09:09Oh, ho, ho, ho.
00:09:12Oh.
00:09:13Oh, yeah.
00:09:15Come on.
00:09:16That is brilliant.
00:09:18Our car was coming along nicely.
00:09:21We removed the Fiat Badgers, which were a bit foreign, and replaced them with something more appropriate.
00:09:29Hammond then softened the suspension, and I installed a pet cage.
00:09:35A cat bolted to the roof.
00:09:37Oh, bolt in the cat and bolt in the cat cage to the roof, and then it'd be up here and I won't get asthma.
00:09:43As I was busy with my cat carrying system, Hammond decided to make some covers for the front seats.
00:09:49Weirdly, I've used this as my inspiration.
00:09:52It's a BAC Mono.
00:09:53Because it's a track car, it's got no roof or doors or windows.
00:09:57So they've lined the interior with this special material.
00:10:01I've got some here in beige, obviously.
00:10:03Now it's quite plush.
00:10:04It feels like sort of suede or even velvet.
00:10:07But when it gets wet, here's the strange thing.
00:10:11The water just runs off.
00:10:12Look at that!
00:10:13You'd think it'd be ruined, but it just flies away.
00:10:15And I'm going to use it to make what I shall call inconti seat covers.
00:10:32By the evening, our car was almost finished.
00:10:35But we felt a bit strange.
00:10:38What's extraordinary about today is that without James here, there have been no arguments,
00:10:43nobody's caught fire, nobody's fallen over.
00:10:45We've been like a well-oiled machine, and I think we've created something really rather brilliant.
00:10:51And with that, back to the studio.
00:10:54What do you do, while we're on the subject of old people, what do you do when you know that your mother or father is really too old to be driving anymore?
00:11:13I know, it is a good question, because you can't really say it right out of your licence.
00:11:16I think that's why our car makes so much sense.
00:11:19Yeah, and we shall see how it does in a road test later on.
00:11:22Yeah.
00:11:23What happened to your eye?
00:11:24Nothing, nothing at all.
00:11:25No, because you weren't there with your slap happy attitude, no part of the needle of the sewing machine went in it.
00:11:31Not even a tiny, no, not even a tiny bit.
00:11:33So, the news.
00:11:35You know there's a new Volkswagen Golf?
00:11:37Yes.
00:11:38Very nice, actually.
00:11:39But in four months, there'll be a GTI version of it.
00:11:41Okay, now that will have 217 horsepower, or actually, no, it's German, isn't it?
00:11:47Cow power.
00:11:48Cow power engine, and it's going to be about, what, 25,000 pounds.
00:11:53Thing is, though, there's going to be a rival for this.
00:11:55You know the car we looked at last week?
00:11:56The Kia C apostrophe D.
00:11:58Well, look at this.
00:11:59This is the, they're calling it the Proceed GT.
00:12:01I think that looks rather good.
00:12:02It does.
00:12:03And it's two grand less than the Volkswagen.
00:12:05Yeah, nearly three grand less, actually.
00:12:06Is it?
00:12:07Yeah.
00:12:08And the thing I like about that is they haven't gone absolutely mad with it.
00:12:11It's a 1.6 litre turbo, 200 horsepower, which is, well, actually.
00:12:16Well, no, it's not horsepower, it's Korean.
00:12:17Yeah, it's dog power.
00:12:18Yeah, it's not.
00:12:19I'll tell you what, though, if you don't want to spend that much, and the reason I would bring up these hot hatchbacks up is Volkswagen has announced, you know the little up, which we love?
00:12:27It's a great little car.
00:12:28Really brilliant little car.
00:12:29They've announced they're doing a GT version of it.
00:12:31It's here, okay?
00:12:32Now this is going to have 110 horsepower.
00:12:35It's exactly the same as the original Golf GTI.
00:12:38It's smaller than the original Golf GTI.
00:12:40It weighs less than a ton.
00:12:41I reckon that will be epic, and it's £13,000.
00:12:45No, I think that could be brilliant.
00:12:46So if you have ordered a new car for later this year, S-Class, Lamborghini Aventador, whatever it is, cancel your order, you want one of those.
00:12:54You do.
00:12:55That is going to, I can't wait to drive that.
00:12:57Now, there is another version of the Mini, yet another.
00:12:59Oh, not another.
00:13:00There is another one.
00:13:01We needed one in 20 minutes.
00:13:02It's out this month.
00:13:03It's on sale.
00:13:04It's called the Paceman.
00:13:05Here it is.
00:13:06Oh, look at it.
00:13:07It's so miserable, his little face.
00:13:10I saw one coming the other way, coming into work the other day, and it just looked so catastrophically sad.
00:13:16Good morning.
00:13:17It's all over.
00:13:18I hate being a Mini.
00:13:20I had to sleep outside and a dog weed on my wheel last night.
00:13:25And all the big cars steal my petrol money.
00:13:28Look at it.
00:13:29Do that face again.
00:13:31You do look incredibly like it.
00:13:32It's so depressing.
00:13:33Why have they done that?
00:13:34I tell you what though, for radiator grills, have you seen the new Lexus IS?
00:13:46It looks like it's got a vacuum cleaner on the front.
00:13:49You have to lift your feet as it goes past.
00:13:52How hard can it be to do a radiator grill?
00:13:56Hey, bad news.
00:13:58You know when the Tories came to power, they said they were going to up the motorway speed limit to 80, yeah?
00:14:02Yeah.
00:14:03Well, the new transport secretary, who's called something dreary, Patrick McLaughlin, he's had a rethink.
00:14:09Oh, God.
00:14:10No, he says that he's unlikely to up it to 80, because in his constituency, there's a very bad road where a lot of people get hurt.
00:14:20Yeah, now this is quite interesting, isn't it? Because his constituency is the Derbyshire Dales.
00:14:24We had a look at a map, and there are no motorways in it.
00:14:27Yeah, so what this means, ladies and gentlemen, is our transport secretary in Great Britain doesn't know what a motorway is.
00:14:33But that is a blithering idiot.
00:14:36No, but in all seriousness, you can't really have a minister for transport who isn't interested in, for example, cars and roads.
00:14:43No, it would be like making you the governor of the Bank of England.
00:14:47Don't do that.
00:14:48No, because you're not interested in the economy.
00:14:50Well, no, but I could sort it out.
00:14:51How?
00:14:52Well, I could sort out the budget deficit.
00:14:54Well, I'd find out how much it was, and then I'd write a cheque for that amount from the Bank of England.
00:14:59If that's a point, that could do it.
00:15:01That's economics covered.
00:15:03And I'd also, I'd have minted a £9.99 note to make life easier for shopkeepers.
00:15:10Can I just say, actually, changing the motorway speed limit to 80 miles an hour wouldn't actually make a blind bit of difference, would it?
00:15:17Because everybody in the outside lane of the motorway is doing 95.
00:15:21They are.
00:15:22And you are.
00:15:23No, they are.
00:15:24There's no point beating, people go, everyone does 80 on the motorway, and you think they don't.
00:15:26They're doing 95 in the outside.
00:15:27So all an 80 mile an hour speed limit would do is reduce the income from speeding fines, because you're only going to be doing 15 miles an hour of the limit rather than 25.
00:15:35That's what we do.
00:15:36The fact is, the fact is that on a weekday afternoon, I'm not talking about weekends where the roads are clogged up with people in Peugeot who are going to be in queue to buy a more hideous decking.
00:15:44I'm talking about a weekday afternoon.
00:15:47Britain has the best standard of driving you'll find anywhere in the world.
00:15:51No, you're right.
00:15:52You're right.
00:15:53I would agree with that.
00:15:54It's a big claim.
00:15:55Is it?
00:15:56Right, let's run through the opposition, shall we?
00:15:57The Germans all do 150 on the autobahn that far behind the car in the front.
00:16:01They do.
00:16:02The Italians are mad.
00:16:03The French can't get to the greengrocers without crashing into a field.
00:16:06The Americans are belligerent.
00:16:07The Australians are drunk.
00:16:08The rest of the world haven't got the hang of it yet.
00:16:10What about, what about the Scandinavians?
00:16:22Because they're pretty happy.
00:16:23No, they're not half as good as they think they are.
00:16:24Really?
00:16:25They always say, I can drive.
00:16:27I won't do the accident.
00:16:28I can drive.
00:16:32Overreached yourself there, didn't you?
00:16:33They always say, I can drive at 75 miles an hour on sheet ice.
00:16:36And that's true, they can.
00:16:37But they don't tell me the other thing.
00:16:39They crash all the time.
00:16:40There isn't a florist window anywhere in Scandinavia that hasn't got a crashed van halfway through
00:16:45it.
00:16:46They just spin off constantly.
00:16:47They do.
00:16:48Okay, so scrub the Scandinavians then, we're the best.
00:16:50We are just the best and that's an end of it.
00:16:52I think we should have a campaign, a global one, posters by the motorway with a Lord Kitchener
00:16:57type figure on that says, think, what would the British do?
00:17:02Oh, Alfa Romeo.
00:17:03They have a proud history, don't they?
00:17:05They have really excellent names.
00:17:07Evocative, emotive names.
00:17:08Julia.
00:17:09Spider.
00:17:10Giulietta.
00:17:11Stradale.
00:17:12All great names.
00:17:13Yeah, well they've released photographs of a new Alfa.
00:17:15Here it is.
00:17:16Ooh.
00:17:17Lovely, lovely.
00:17:18Except it's called the Gloria.
00:17:20What?
00:17:21Gloria.
00:17:22That is Gloria.
00:17:23You're looking at Gloria.
00:17:24Gloria is not the name of an Italian cup.
00:17:26Gloria is the name of a receptionist.
00:17:28Yeah.
00:17:29Gloria has her glasses on a chain round her neck.
00:17:32Gloria wears tight.
00:17:34What's it called when tights are really thick?
00:17:36Is that 15 denier or 100?
00:17:38That would be 100.
00:17:39100, right.
00:17:40Gloria wears 100 denier tights and they rasp when she walks.
00:17:44We went off topic.
00:17:45We have gone very off topic.
00:17:47Anyway, listen.
00:17:48Ladies and gentlemen, this morning Richard Hammond was late for work.
00:17:51Oh, I'm sorry.
00:17:52I know.
00:17:53I arrived at 8.07.
00:17:54You got there at 8.10.
00:17:55You arrived at 10.47.
00:17:57Yes.
00:17:5810 to 11 when you arrived.
00:18:00I'm sorry I wasn't late for school.
00:18:01Good news.
00:18:02Because while we were waiting for you to rock up, James and I were talking about the enormous success we had last week playing car rugby.
00:18:09Exactly.
00:18:10I think it was.
00:18:11It was a great success.
00:18:12And we were thinking, are there any other sports that you could play in a car?
00:18:14Were you?
00:18:15Now you were so late, we decided to go out onto the track to see if you could play tennis in a car.
00:18:20You can't.
00:18:21You can't?
00:18:22No.
00:18:23Really?
00:18:24Yes.
00:18:25Well, we had a couple of cameramen out there, so let's just find out, shall we?
00:18:28Here we go.
00:18:29This is how we filled our morning.
00:18:31A serve.
00:18:33Here we go.
00:18:34This is a good one.
00:18:39Oh-ho!
00:18:40It's a great shot.
00:18:41Yay!
00:18:42What?
00:18:43It works!
00:18:44Yeah, yeah, it does.
00:18:45You can play tennis in cars with a bit of editing.
00:18:46A little bit of editing.
00:18:47It did work really well, though, and it was really good fun.
00:18:48Well, I'm sorry I missed it.
00:18:49Now, moving on, sometimes it seems like the motor industry is a little bit like the film business.
00:18:56Occasionally, you get low-budget indies like the Ariel Atom.
00:18:59Sometimes you get a quirky, offbeat foreign language production.
00:19:02That'd be a Saab.
00:19:03And then, occasionally, you get low-budget indies like the Ariel Atom.
00:19:06Sometimes you get a quirky, offbeat foreign language production.
00:19:07That'd be a Saab.
00:19:08And then, occasionally, you get a big, huge budget blockbuster, such as this.
00:19:23Welcome, everyone, to the New World.
00:19:52Welcome to the New Range Rover.
00:19:56And when I say new, I really mean new.
00:20:02This body shell, for example, still looks pretty much like a Range Rover, but it's been totally redesigned from scratch and made from aluminium.
00:20:11And that saves a whopping 400 kilograms of weight.
00:20:17And that's just the start of it.
00:20:21It has a new active suspension system, so it no longer rolls around like a torpedoed frigate when you go around the bends.
00:20:28It has new electric power steering.
00:20:31It has a new, very clever eight-speed gearbox.
00:20:34Inside, half of the switches and buttons have been ditched to create this more minimalist dashboard.
00:20:46There are also four inches of extra leg room in the back, and you no longer have to burn any calories, opening the tailgate.
00:20:58On the road, it feels more luxurious than ever.
00:21:03The ride is really very good.
00:21:05Quite Rolls-Royce-like.
00:21:08However, all these improvements come at a price, because even the cheapest version, a V6 diesel, costs £71,000.
00:21:17And the supercharged V8 model is almost £100,000.
00:21:22That's Mercedes S-Class money.
00:21:25But then, the Range Rover has long been a Mercedes S-Class rival.
00:21:30And this new one is equally at home on the expensive bits of the Monopoly board.
00:21:36The thing is, though, previous Range Rovers have always been about a bit more than just poncing around a nice big city.
00:21:43They've always been formidable adventure cars, great off-roaders, pioneers in a way.
00:21:50So what I think we'll do now is we'll drive out of London...
00:21:55..and into this place.
00:22:06The Nevada Automotive Test Centre in Nevada.
00:22:15This vast 1,200 square mile proving ground is where the original Hummer was developed,
00:22:21making it the perfect place to find out whether Lord Snooty can still get his shoes dirty.
00:22:29To spice things up a bit, we're going to give the Range Rover some competition.
00:22:33So now, obviously, you're expecting me to introduce a redneck in a massively modified Jeep.
00:22:40But no, we can do better than that, and we have.
00:22:45And here he comes now.
00:22:49Though when I say he, what I really mean is it.
00:23:00Bloody Nora.
00:23:03Meet the Terramax. It has six-wheel drive, tyres the size of Ferris wheels,
00:23:17the ability to drive almost anywhere, and, as you've just seen, nobody in the driver's seat.
00:23:22It's an autonomous vehicle. This thing can go on patrol, deliver supplies, and all without any risk of soldiers being blown up by IEDs.
00:23:37Here's basically how it works. Up on the roof, there's a thing called LiDAR, which is 64 separate lasers, spinning round around very quickly and reading the terrain.
00:23:46And the information that comes back is interpreted by the computer on board, and decides where it should go, and then operates the steering, the brakes, the engine, and so on.
00:23:57What it sees is this.
00:24:01Anything that comes up green is basically no problem. It's vegetation, that sort of thing.
00:24:07Anything that comes up in various shades of red is more of an obstacle.
00:24:11So a big rock, a tree, a wall, a cliff base, all that sort of thing.
00:24:22Look at that!
00:24:25That's really quite amazing.
00:24:26But the big question is, can it beat a car built by Brummies and driven by me?
00:24:39What we're going to do is have a race from here to that hilltop over there, a distance of about 10 miles.
00:24:45Between us and the finish line lay many off-road challenges, including rocky ground, steep slopes, cloying mud, and icy rivers.
00:24:57And there would be no pre-planned route. The Range Rover and I would have to adapt as we went along.
00:25:02It's man versus machine. Quite literally.
00:25:14Three!
00:25:16Two!
00:25:18Hang on.
00:25:22So I suppose it's got a mind of its own, hasn't it?
00:25:27It's May versus Schwarzenegger.
00:25:33In truth, the jumpstart didn't really matter, because I was on standard road tyres, and this path was so craggy, he was always going to be faster anyway.
00:25:45Look at the size of the tyres on that thing.
00:25:48Oh, God, he's miles in front.
00:25:50Right, if you're thinking of placing a bet on this at home, here are the odds.
00:25:54Team Terminator with the Terramax, they can go over terrain that I can't manage.
00:25:57And the boffins who've built it have programmed satellite maps of the whole area into its brain.
00:26:04So it already has a pretty good idea of where to go.
00:26:08And if they want, they can take control of it remotely, like the drone.
00:26:13Team Top Gear with the Range Rover, you have me.
00:26:17Possibly the greatest off-road vehicle in the world, and higher speed.
00:26:21I also had Land Rover's terrain response system, which allows you to select different settings for the car, depending on the type of surface you're on.
00:26:32But, there is a new feature, you can now push the knob down and it goes into automatic mode.
00:26:38And then the car will work out for itself, believe it or not, what sort of terrain you're on, what ride height you need, all the rest of it.
00:26:49Right now, though, it was speed I needed, and with these tyres on this terrain, I wasn't getting any.
00:26:54That looks like a shortcut. That is a shortcut. I'm going to risk this.
00:27:05The shortcut was a steep, slippery slope.
00:27:10Right, hill descent.
00:27:15Here we go.
00:27:16Whoa!
00:27:18Whoa!
00:27:21Whoa, that's steep.
00:27:26No, I'm losing it. No, I'm not.
00:27:31Whoa!
00:27:34Oh, God, he's right there.
00:27:37And, sure enough...
00:27:39Yes, take that, Robocop.
00:27:42Ha-ha-ha!
00:27:44And things could only get better, because ahead of me lay a fast, sandy track.
00:27:56Woo-hee!
00:27:59This is the 510 horsepower supercharged Range Rover.
00:28:03You'd be mad to buy this one in Britain.
00:28:05It's so thirsty.
00:28:07Makes sense out here, though. It makes sense doing this.
00:28:14I've no idea where Robocop is.
00:28:19But he ain't going as fast as this.
00:28:22Sadly, Robocop didn't need to.
00:28:25Because the boffins back at base switched to drone mode,
00:28:29remotely deflated the tyres for better grip in tricky conditions,
00:28:33and ordered it to take a shortcut of its own over even rougher ground.
00:28:37Way!
00:28:39Back on the sand track, I was at least reaping the benefits of the Range Rover's 400 kilogram diet.
00:28:53Hang on, a quick downshift for the sandy hairpin.
00:28:57Look at that, it's beautiful!
00:28:58But the TerraMax's shortcut had put it ahead, and now the terrain was even more in its favour.
00:29:08It's not going fast, but it is utterly relentless. It just goes.
00:29:22Moments later, I arrived at the ridge the TerraMax had just climbed.
00:29:38Holy moly!
00:29:41What the hell? Here we go.
00:29:42Geronimo!
00:29:50Whoa!
00:29:55Did you see that?
00:29:57That is just, that is astounding.
00:29:59Meanwhile, the TerraMax was surging ahead.
00:30:09And once it had crossed the river, it could hit its top speed of 35 miles an hour,
00:30:17which meant I had to push even harder.
00:30:24Whoa, that's deep.
00:30:25Whoa, that's getting a bit dicey.
00:30:33Whoa!
00:30:36Whoa-ho!
00:30:38It really is astonishing, this thing.
00:30:42Let's hear you cheering, Birmingham.
00:30:45Here we go.
00:30:47This will weight up to 36 inches, this car.
00:30:50That's more than a Land Rover Defender.
00:30:53More than the old car would.
00:30:55The air intakes have been moved up to the top of the bonnet,
00:30:57so the water doesn't go in the engine.
00:30:59There's no holes in the river.
00:31:01I'm across!
00:31:03Yes!
00:31:09Back on smooth ground, I could now close down the TerraMax.
00:31:13Where is he?
00:31:15No sign of the metal bastard.
00:31:20Actually, the driverless swine was starting its ascent of the final hill.
00:31:27There's Arnie.
00:31:29I'm on his six.
00:31:31Now, I could follow that thing and then just try and overtake it at the last minute
00:31:35in a rush to the finish line, but I don't think that's going to work, to be honest,
00:31:39because it's just going to end up somewhere where I can't go.
00:31:43On the map, Arnie's route was shorter, but also clearly steeper,
00:31:48so I went for a longer, shallower track.
00:31:51Here we go.
00:31:56And it's smooth and good.
00:32:00That's where I'm going. I can see a whiff of the orange smoke.
00:32:06He-he!
00:32:08This is excellent.
00:32:10Lost sight of Arnie.
00:32:12Absolutely no idea where it is.
00:32:17Whilst Arnie ploughed relentlessly upwards,
00:32:19my gamble started to backfire.
00:32:27This is getting tricky.
00:32:29Calm down, man.
00:32:33Jeez, it's getting worse.
00:32:38I'm sorry, I really can't do it much faster than this.
00:32:41I'll just pull a tire off or smack something and then it'll be over.
00:32:46The summit was now just half a mile away.
00:32:50It could be just the other side of that rise, I just...
00:32:54I've got no way of knowing.
00:32:57There's the orange smoke.
00:32:59Here we go, here we go.
00:33:01Here's my chequered flag and...
00:33:06No Terramax!
00:33:08Yes!
00:33:10Ha-ha!
00:33:12I thank you!
00:33:14How about that?
00:33:15An intelligent machine driven by a computer
00:33:18has been beaten by the intelligent machine driven by a human being,
00:33:22which is exactly as it should be, of course.
00:33:24We are still the most important component in a car.
00:33:27And if we weren't, we'd all be doomed.
00:33:30What happened?
00:33:31What happened?
00:33:32What's the best part?
00:33:33What happened?
00:33:35What happened?
00:33:36What happened?
00:33:37What happened?
00:33:38What happened?
00:33:40Oh, I've got a car!
00:33:41Why? Why can't you walk on slippery surfaces?
00:33:50I don't like low traction.
00:33:51Yeah, but why do you need traction? It's you.
00:33:54You're not going to be moving quickly or changing directions suddenly, are you?
00:33:57No, and the other thing as well is, I think I could have done the Range Rover test a bit more quickly.
00:34:01Really?
00:34:01Really?
00:34:02No, you could. All you have to say is, at the front, there's too much bling.
00:34:05At the back, the boot is too small, and everything in between is utterly, utterly outstanding.
00:34:10Yeah.
00:34:10You could have added in that because it's so much lighter than the previous model, it's much more economical.
00:34:15Yeah, there we are. We've covered everything.
00:34:17Can we get onto that Terramax, actually?
00:34:19Yes.
00:34:19Because that was built to take supplies to the front line in a battlefield.
00:34:24Well, that's the idea that you don't endanger any soldiers. You send the truck by itself.
00:34:27And that makes sense, but you know, Google and, indeed, Oxford University are currently working on a driverless car that we can all buy.
00:34:35And I'm sorry, but I can't see the point.
00:34:37No, neither can I.
00:34:37My car has arrived at work. I'm not in it.
00:34:42I've sent the car into town to do the shopping.
00:34:44I mean, the school run, perhaps, you could send the kids off while you stay in bed, but other than that, utterly pointless.
00:34:52Anyway, it's now time to put a star in our reasonably priced car.
00:34:56Now, my guest tonight likes bikes and is pladibly tiny.
00:35:01Oh, is it me?
00:35:03Have you ever seen Keira Knightley naked?
00:35:06Yes.
00:35:07Really?
00:35:07No.
00:35:08Well, he has, and he's kissed Angelina Jolie.
00:35:10Oh, I've done that.
00:35:11No, you haven't.
00:35:12In my mind.
00:35:13Ladies and gentlemen, James McAvoy!
00:35:17James, how are you?
00:35:19Good to see you.
00:35:21Thank you very much.
00:35:23Have a seat.
00:35:24So there you go, atonement lasting in Scotland, X-Men, and now you crown it all.
00:35:31The bill.
00:35:32The bill as well?
00:35:33I was in the bill.
00:35:34Oh, you don't crown that, but this is top guest, second best to the bill.
00:35:37Yes.
00:35:38Now, the guests we've had recently on the show, Mick Fleetwood, Amy McDonald, really quite
00:35:43good car histories.
00:35:44Uh-huh.
00:35:44Yours is shocking.
00:35:45Is it?
00:35:46Okay, it's a good one.
00:35:47I think you're the first man we've ever had sit in that seat who once owned a Nissan Micra.
00:35:54Listen, I was very proud of that car, and I have to say, that car was not even one meter,
00:35:58and it went like the clappers.
00:36:00It didn't.
00:36:00It did.
00:36:01Oh, no.
00:36:02No, because you moved from that to something not much better.
00:36:05It was called a Renault Clio.
00:36:08And it was a 1.2, five-door, my friend, and it had a fantastic heating system.
00:36:16Did it?
00:36:17It did.
00:36:17It warmed up very quickly, much warmer than my new car, which is now the Q3 now.
00:36:22I actually said the other day, it's the dreariest car.
00:36:27But anyway, let's gloss over that.
00:36:29Right, go.
00:36:30Because the problem you had is that you didn't pass your driving test until really quite recently.
00:36:35I passed it about four years ago.
00:36:37I first took my driving test for a TV show called State of Play, and then failed.
00:36:43So I just thought, to hell, we're out, and I started riding motorbikes.
00:36:45And then four years ago, I was having a baby, so I thought, I'd better learn how to drive, and I finally passed my test.
00:36:52Because I was just thinking, there was a Channel 4 thing called Shameless you were in.
00:36:56Hmm.
00:36:57You drove in that, I'm sure you drove in that.
00:36:58I played a car thief in that, and I have to say, I have to say that Channel 4 never once asked me for a driver's license.
00:37:06So how did you go and shoot it?
00:37:06I don't know.
00:37:09Now, you say you went off into bike, where you were into bikes before cars.
00:37:13Yes.
00:37:14So what was your first bike?
00:37:15My first bike was not really a bike.
00:37:17My first bike was, it was a Vespa.
00:37:19Oh, God.
00:37:20It was a scooter.
00:37:21No, I drove one of those all the way across Vietnam, and they are death traps.
00:37:27Right.
00:37:28Did you fall off yours?
00:37:29I did fall off mine.
00:37:30Within 28 hours of owning one, for the first time, I found myself illegally, by accident, on the North Circular.
00:37:39And I was at, you know those big junctions, those big roundabout junctions you get on the North Circular,
00:37:43with a guy, a Maserati, behind me, revving his engine and beeping me, because he was angry that I was on the North Circular.
00:37:49And I thought, I'm trying to get off, give me a break.
00:37:51So the lights go green, and I was under so much pressure that I revved off too quickly, and going round a corner,
00:37:57and you know you get all that dust and gravel at the edge?
00:38:00I went into it, the thing spun away from me and went about 30 feet down the road, and that was my second day as a biker.
00:38:06That was second, because I can remember once being in a Maserati on the North Circular.
00:38:13A green Vespa, yeah?
00:38:15Anyway, your new film, which I went to see last night.
00:38:19Right.
00:38:19Good.
00:38:20Thanks very much, Jules.
00:38:21Good.
00:38:21Yeah, we're very proud of it.
00:38:22It's called Welcome to the Punch, or we have a clip, which I'd like to show for you now.
00:38:27Don't worry!
00:38:33Can you just take a step back for a minute?
00:38:37Max is an inch away from piecing all this together.
00:38:39Move!
00:38:40Move!
00:38:40Go!
00:38:41We'll end this tonight.
00:38:56And when it's over, you'll go to prison.
00:38:58Why don't we just let off some fireworks where we're at it?
00:39:10I really did enjoy that, and I've got a couple of questions from that.
00:39:20Number one, that's an Alfa 159 you're driving.
00:39:23Yes.
00:39:23Did you not think when you were driving that, this is better than my Audi Q3?
00:39:26I didn't have an Audi Q3 at a time, I think I had a Citroen C3 Picasso.
00:39:30Oh!
00:39:31Oh, shit.
00:39:32This gets worse.
00:39:34The other thing as well I noticed in that is your beard, which you still have.
00:39:38Now, this is because you're in...
00:39:40Macbeth.
00:39:41Macbeth.
00:39:41I'm transgendered.
00:39:42Were you surprised when you grew it, and it was orange?
00:39:44Er...
00:39:45Well...
00:39:46As you know, your hair's not orange.
00:39:49And I'm not orange down there.
00:39:51You're not orange there?
00:39:52I've had people ask me, do I dye my top, but I don't.
00:39:55I really don't.
00:39:56So do you know why it's orange?
00:39:57Was it disappointing to be honest?
00:39:58I don't know why it's red, but I dig it.
00:39:59I like it.
00:40:00I don't need a comment, but I like it.
00:40:02I'm fine with an orange beard.
00:40:04Yes.
00:40:05Now, it was, I believe it was Michael Fassbender, a former guest here, actually, who suggested
00:40:12we should contact you to get you on, because he said you'd love it.
00:40:15I would love it, yeah.
00:40:16And did you?
00:40:17I did love it.
00:40:18He's been your driving partner, hasn't he?
00:40:20He's been...
00:40:21We would operate, I don't know what you'd call it, but you know when you get the motorbikes
00:40:25for the sidecar racing, and you get the guy on the side doing the counterbalance?
00:40:29We would do that for each other, taking it in turns on a golf buggy.
00:40:33Um...
00:40:35Um...
00:40:36The X-Men, our golf buggy was, thankfully, restricted, but we got into our director's
00:40:41golf buggy one day, unknowingly, which had been de-restricted, and I think it went the
00:40:45grand total of, like, 17 miles an hour or something like that.
00:40:48Anyway, I was driving.
00:40:50Michael's in the back doing counterbalance, and I'm here, passenger seat here, there's
00:40:55a seat here, passenger bit, and then another passenger bit there, and then a little foot
00:40:58plate here.
00:40:59He's on the foot plate, hanging on, kind of like going like that one, I'm going that
00:41:02way and all this kind of thing.
00:41:04Anyway, he gave me such good counterbalance at one point, it just flipped.
00:41:07And when it sort of landed again, it caught so much traction that we just launched forward.
00:41:12And we were going too fast, because it was de-restricted.
00:41:14Anyway, we launched into the back of a Lexus, and I flew forward, smacked my face off the
00:41:22windscreen, and the next thing I knew, I was about 15 feet away from the actual golf buggy,
00:41:28lying on the ground.
00:41:29And I looked up, and Michael had somehow managed, with a roof and two passenger seats, then
00:41:36the driver's seat there, managed to fly forward, and he was sitting in the driver's seat, and
00:41:42his shins were like the Niagara Falls of blood.
00:41:46He was just cuptish ribbons.
00:41:48There's something about a golf buggy which is hysterical, they should never be used for
00:41:52golf.
00:41:53Totally wasted.
00:41:54Anyway, listen, if I'm honest with you, when I heard that you were able to come on,
00:41:58I'm very excited, and I thought, he's only been driving 25 minutes, there's no way he's
00:42:02going to be any good.
00:42:04So, who would like to see if he was or not?
00:42:07Let's play the lap.
00:42:12Right, here we go, Drum Chapel, this is for you.
00:42:17Clear your throat.
00:42:20The mighty Kia C, apostrophe D, do you get the corner right?
00:42:24Looking good.
00:42:27Not a tortured tyres, but we're through safely.
00:42:31Dirty little Kia.
00:42:34It's only because you had a few offs in practice that it's dirty, it's a clean, legs together
00:42:40sort of car.
00:42:42Why do I keep checking my rear view mirror?
00:42:46There's nobody behind me, except my dust.
00:42:49You would be amazed how many people do that.
00:42:52Right, mirror, signal, manoeuvre.
00:42:56It looks much slower than it feels.
00:43:01Yeah, no, it's awful that, but the slower it looks sometimes, the faster you are.
00:43:05Come on, come on, come on.
00:43:08God, you end up speaking like you're in a movie, it's ridiculous.
00:43:12Come on, come on, come on, listen.
00:43:14You've got to talk to them, they look like machines, but they're not really.
00:43:18Close to the tyres, yes, that was close.
00:43:21Lewis Hamilton close, wobbled the camera.
00:43:23Second to last corner, two bites of the cherry.
00:43:25Yes, but through and not off, and that's good.
00:43:28And now we're coming to Gambon.
00:43:31You've got to understand, oh my God!
00:43:39Which way did you end up facing?
00:43:42Straight, I went straight on.
00:43:43No, but the car was completely...
00:43:45Yeah, but I got it back, though.
00:43:46You got it back?
00:43:47Yeah, I got it back.
00:43:48I mean, you must be a hell of a quick learner, because for someone who's only been driving for, well, not very long, to be able to do that, I didn't look too bad at all.
00:43:54It was great fun, actually, and thank you so much for letting me have a go.
00:43:57No, it was fantastic.
00:43:58I don't need to know my time.
00:44:02Right, so where do you think that you came?
00:44:05I think I should have got about 1.43, probably, and I kept messing up one of the turns in particular, so I think I've got about 1.45.
00:44:17I like your ambition.
00:44:18Thanks very much.
00:44:20It is ambitious to go out, so you're thinking 1.45 somewhere, well, you did it.
00:44:24James McIlroy.
00:44:25James McIlroy.
00:44:26In.
00:44:271.
00:44:2840.
00:44:293.
00:44:3046.
00:44:31You made your goal!
00:44:33Oh!
00:44:34Oh!
00:44:35Look at this!
00:44:36Oh!
00:44:37Brilliant!
00:44:38I cannot believe that.
00:44:39Oh my God, I actually didn't do too badly.
00:44:40He's actually breathing a sigh of relief, because I don't think he would have wanted you to go faster.
00:44:47Fastbender is not.
00:44:48That's a genuinely pleased man.
00:44:49I'm really, really pleased, because I've had the kind of premonition of me going round the track, and I've always thought I'll flip the car.
00:44:56I will, like, roll it badly, and so I really did believe that I'd be down in the bottom quarter.
00:45:02Well, you're not.
00:45:03Yes!
00:45:04Ladies and gentlemen, James McIlroy!
00:45:06Well, the population of Britain is getting off.
00:45:09I'm really, really pleased, because I've had the kind of premonition of me going round the track, and I've always thought I'll flip the car.
00:45:14Well, you're not.
00:45:15Yes!
00:45:16Ladies and gentlemen, James McIlroy!
00:45:17Well, the population of Britain is getting older, and yet cars seem to be getting more and more complicated and fiddly, which is why, earlier on, Jeremy and I decided to make a car specifically for old people.
00:45:42And now it's time to test it on the road.
00:45:52The location for this maiden voyage was Christchurch, a south coast town with a larger percentage of elderly residents than anywhere else in Britain.
00:46:03It's the perfect place, then, to test our new car.
00:46:12Now, listen, I've got a couple of questions for you. First of all, this.
00:46:25Yeah, underneath the brake pedal I've fitted one of these, so you know which pedal you're hitting.
00:46:33Oh, I see, so there's no chance of unintended acceleration.
00:46:37Yeah, yeah, that's a big problem.
00:46:40Solved.
00:46:41Am I pushing the right pedal?
00:46:43There you go.
00:46:44Yes, I am. There's an audible reminder.
00:46:47That's brilliant!
00:46:48Not only that, but the nature of the noise.
00:46:51Yes.
00:46:53It's funny.
00:46:54When it comes to cadence-breaking.
00:46:57Oh, that is lovely.
00:46:59Because a cadence-breaking situation is a panic situation.
00:47:01Yeah, it's bad.
00:47:02But that sprinkles some comedy into it.
00:47:06And then the next one I've got, really, is this.
00:47:08Well, I've been thorough here. I've addressed all the senses, because, look, magnified there, sir.
00:47:14Let's go look.
00:47:16Whoa!
00:47:18Of course, the main improvement we'd made was the new, easy-to-use dashboard.
00:47:25Hammond, would you like to set the sat-nav, please?
00:47:28Yeah, we have a choice of four destinations.
00:47:31Yeah, we do.
00:47:32Home, post office, Peggy's house, or bingy.
00:47:33Yes, we do.
00:47:34What do you fancy?
00:47:35Bit of bingo.
00:47:36Bingo?
00:47:37I fancy a bit of bingo.
00:47:38Bit of bingo?
00:47:39It's in.
00:47:40There you go.
00:47:41You have selected bingo.
00:47:43If you wouldn't mind turning left, that would be smashing.
00:47:46You see?
00:47:47Now, that's what I call a sat-nav instruction.
00:47:50So much better than the German ones.
00:47:51Go left or selects around the bottle, or it will be shot!
00:47:55Who wants to be told by a German where to go?
00:47:57I know. Or a young German.
00:47:58Oh, that.
00:48:00Continue straight on.
00:48:02This area was bombed during the war, you know.
00:48:04Oh, you see?
00:48:05Those are the details you want.
00:48:08War.
00:48:09That's shame.
00:48:10Next, we tested my new speedometer.
00:48:14Taking it up to five.
00:48:18Seven.
00:48:20Nine miles an hour.
00:48:23And into four.
00:48:27Go straight on.
00:48:28Ten.
00:48:31But then, disaster.
00:48:36It's gone!
00:48:37What?
00:48:38The cat!
00:48:39No!
00:48:41The cat had not fared well.
00:48:44It's dead!
00:48:46Then, a young policeman arrived.
00:48:49Where was the cat before?
00:48:50It's there, but the...
00:48:52So, is it your cat or...?
00:48:53It's dead.
00:48:55And his name?
00:48:56Tiddles.
00:48:57Dead.
00:48:58Tiddles.
00:48:59Ex-cat.
00:49:03After giving the cat a decent burial...
00:49:05We reached the bingo hall.
00:49:06You've arrived.
00:49:07Lovely.
00:49:08And went off to find a parking space.
00:49:09Right, there's one.
00:49:10Look.
00:49:11Where?
00:49:12Next to that focus.
00:49:13Oh, yeah.
00:49:15Are you shuffling the wheel properly?
00:49:16Yeah.
00:49:18These are lovely crashes.
00:49:19No damage whatsoever to any vehicle in this car park.
00:49:23Three and six, thirty-six.
00:49:24We expected bingo to be very relaxing.
00:49:28But it wasn't.
00:49:29I've never concentrated on the car park.
00:49:30I've never concentrated on the car park.
00:49:31I'm not sure if I was a car park.
00:49:32I've never concentrated on the car park.
00:49:33Right, there's one.
00:49:34Look.
00:49:35Where?
00:49:36Next to that focus.
00:49:37Oh, yeah.
00:49:38Are you shuffling the wheel properly?
00:49:39Yeah.
00:49:40These are lovely crashes.
00:49:41No damage whatsoever to any vehicle in this car park.
00:49:44Three and six, thirty-six.
00:49:45We expected bingo to be very relaxing.
00:49:47Eight and one, eighty-one.
00:49:48I've never concentrated so hard in my life.
00:49:50Eight and six.
00:49:51Eight and twenty-eight.
00:49:52Oh!
00:49:53I'm literally wetting myself.
00:49:54One and five.
00:49:55Yeah.
00:49:56It's coming out.
00:49:57All sixes.
00:49:58Sixty-six.
00:49:59Oh!
00:50:00Say eighty-six.
00:50:01Five, sixty-six.
00:50:02Oh!
00:50:04Even though we'd lost seventeen shillings, we'd had a great time.
00:50:08How exciting.
00:50:09Was it ever?
00:50:10But afterwards, there was an issue.
00:50:13Now, Jeremy, can I ask you a question?
00:50:15Can you remember where we parked our car?
00:50:18No, Richard.
00:50:19I can't.
00:50:20This is a common problem.
00:50:21And not just for the elderly.
00:50:22Which is why you may have noticed on top of our car was a box.
00:50:25In that box is a special feature that I can activate if I press this button on the key fob.
00:50:31There it is.
00:50:35You see?
00:50:36This activates a flare.
00:50:38And we now know to head in that direction.
00:50:44Very quickly, we found the correct car park.
00:50:47But we still couldn't find the car.
00:50:50You're the height of most elderly people.
00:50:56Can you see our car in this car park?
00:51:00No.
00:51:01No, I can't.
00:51:02And that's why if I press this button...
00:51:05Mm-hmm.
00:51:09You see?
00:51:10So it's brilliant.
00:51:11Why?
00:51:12The flare guides us to the rough position.
00:51:15And the balloon takes us to the precise location of the car.
00:51:21Having wound in the balloon locator system,
00:51:25we decided to find out how our car would go down with some actual old people.
00:51:30So we set off to an old people's home.
00:51:33Turn right at the newfangled midi roundabout.
00:51:37And on the way, I showed Hammond another of my special features.
00:51:43Now, the radio, Hammond, just one station.
00:51:50It's the music from the Horse of the Year show.
00:51:53And old people love that, because you can clap along to it.
00:51:56Very nice.
00:51:57Does it team into any of the stations?
00:51:58No.
00:51:59That's it.
00:52:00It just plays it on a loop, constantly.
00:52:02Yeah.
00:52:03But why do you want anything else?
00:52:04What if you get in your car after your children have been driving it,
00:52:07and they've left it tuned to Radio 1?
00:52:09Well, worse still, Radio 2 and that talk show man who does, you know...
00:52:14Jeremy Vine.
00:52:15There you go.
00:52:16Those difficult topics, they're unsuitable, I don't know.
00:52:18Or my pregnancy.
00:52:19Exactly.
00:52:21However, there was a problem.
00:52:27I can't stop clapping.
00:52:29Seriously, I can't stop clapping.
00:52:30This is a massive design fault.
00:52:32This is a safety feature.
00:52:33Turn it off.
00:52:35Eventually, we arrived at the old people's home.
00:52:40Well done, that was lovely.
00:52:43And went to find a testing team.
00:52:46So, you're Miriam.
00:52:47I am, yes.
00:52:48And you're Betty.
00:52:49Yes.
00:52:50I'm Barbara.
00:52:51And you're Barbara.
00:52:52And this is the car that we've...
00:52:53What is she called?
00:52:55No, this is the James.
00:52:56It's called the James.
00:52:57James.
00:52:58The James.
00:52:59The Rover James.
00:53:00Oh, it's a Rover, yes.
00:53:01First impressions, what do we think?
00:53:02That's wonderful.
00:53:04This material is waterproof.
00:53:06Oh, good.
00:53:07So, if there's any little accidents, don't you worry.
00:53:12However, there was an issue with the Shackleton rear seating.
00:53:16Have you got a hoist?
00:53:17That bit there.
00:53:18See, in the advert for the chairs, we were told they were very easy to get into and out of, you know.
00:53:22Get me bottom round.
00:53:23Should we get a nurse to do this?
00:53:25I mean, you're an older...
00:53:26No, I'll do it if it kills me.
00:53:28Well, we'd rather it didn't.
00:53:29Oh, right.
00:53:30I was going to say.
00:53:31There's a lot of paperwork.
00:53:32I'm so sorry.
00:53:33Can I help you talk?
00:53:34No.
00:53:35Yay!
00:53:36With both our dignity nearly intact.
00:53:44Lovely.
00:53:45With the testing team on board, we set off to the bowls club.
00:53:52Don't overdo it.
00:53:53Not with your back.
00:53:54Look at the speed we're going now.
00:53:56Three miles an hour.
00:53:57As you can see.
00:53:58Oh, isn't this absolute fun.
00:54:05Soon, we reached our destination.
00:54:08Here we are, ladies, at the bowling club.
00:54:10Oh, lovely.
00:54:12And Hammond insisted I show off his new parking sensors.
00:54:17Just keep going.
00:54:19Yeah, keep going.
00:54:20Just keep going.
00:54:21But you know there's no bumper on the back.
00:54:23Just keep backing up.
00:54:24Ignore the noise.
00:54:25Pretend you can't hear that at all.
00:54:29That was something.
00:54:30What did he hit?
00:54:32External, rear-mounted airbag.
00:54:34But...
00:54:35It's genius!
00:54:36Excuse me a minute.
00:54:37Three quite elderly ladies in there have now all had heart attacks.
00:54:41Look at it.
00:54:42There is that.
00:54:43Ladies, I do apologize for that.
00:54:46When have you ever experienced banging like that?
00:54:48The war.
00:54:49When the bombs dropped.
00:54:50So you're saying that because these ladies live through the war, they're capable of dealing
00:54:57with a bang of that nature?
00:54:58Yes.
00:54:59Yeah.
00:55:01Leaving the ladies to play bowls, we went off to buy food for a picnic.
00:55:05What about some Battenbergs?
00:55:06Or is that too German?
00:55:07It is too German, isn't it?
00:55:08Sandwich spread.
00:55:09Potted meat.
00:55:10Beef spread.
00:55:11They must have ginger beer in Christchurch.
00:55:12Ginger beer is a bit racy, don't you think?
00:55:13No.
00:55:14They love it.
00:55:15Enid Blyton used to rub herself with it.
00:55:16There it is.
00:55:17Peruvian, Greek, Brazilian, Holland, Dutch.
00:55:18Grown in UK.
00:55:19Grown in UK.
00:55:20With the shopping finished, it was time to demonstrate yet another feature of the James.
00:55:37If you've got osteoporosis, arthritis, lumbago.
00:55:38Or rheumatism.
00:55:39Or rheumatism.
00:55:40Then lifting your heavy shopping into the boot can be, well, very difficult indeed.
00:55:52But with this genius solution, not a problem.
00:55:55Bring the trolley up to the back, that's easy.
00:55:57Lift, drop in, job done.
00:55:58How brilliant is that?
00:56:00Having picked the ladies up, we set off for our picnic.
00:56:07Where did you get that buzz from?
00:56:11It's a squeaky ball he's got underneath the brake.
00:56:14Sadly, because it was an English summer's day, it soon started to rain, which revealed
00:56:22a bit of a design flaw.
00:56:24Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:56:26Oh, no, no, no, what's happening here?
00:56:29Oh, that's a lot of water coming in now.
00:56:31This is a disaster that we've had, Hammond.
00:56:34I think some of our modifications have interfered with the waterproofing.
00:56:39Is it all on you, dear?
00:56:41It's all a great stream down there.
00:56:44And look at this spirit of the Blitz going on as well.
00:56:47This is what makes us great.
00:56:48The Americans have been weeping now.
00:56:50Oh, they've been making a fuss.
00:56:51What could that do?
00:56:52Nothing.
00:56:53We had just the thing to raise our spirits even more.
00:56:58Can't help it.
00:56:59You can't, can you?
00:57:00Oh, no, the constabulary.
00:57:01Oh, not again.
00:57:02Sorry, officers.
00:57:03Nothing to see here.
00:57:04Eventually, we arrived at exactly the sort of picnic spot elderly people love.
00:57:21There we go.
00:57:22Now, if we pop it, what, just here?
00:57:24Yeah.
00:57:25Look at that for a sunset picnic.
00:57:28Having rescued what we could from the ruined shopping trolley.
00:57:43Mr. Kipling.
00:57:44Fred.
00:57:45This is all soaked.
00:57:46We settle down to do what all old people do when they're on a picnic together.
00:57:50The next morning, we left Christchurch.
00:57:51Generally quite pleased with how it's been.
00:57:52The next morning, we left Christchurch.
00:57:53Generally quite pleased with how things had gone.
00:57:54Oh, boy.
00:57:55The next morning, we left Christchurch, generally quite pleased with how things had gone.
00:57:56Oh, what?
00:57:57Leaking again.
00:57:58The next morning, we left Christchurch, generally quite pleased with how things had gone.
00:58:21Oh, what?
00:58:23What?
00:58:24Leaking again.
00:58:25There are a few things we need to address.
00:58:28There's the, well, obviously, there's the waterproofing, the Shackleton easychairs that
00:58:33aren't, as it turned out, so easy to get in and out of, you know.
00:58:36The irresistible clapping machine.
00:58:38Yeah.
00:58:39Er...
00:58:40Hold on.
00:58:41If we're carrying along here, we'll have to get on the motorway.
00:58:43Yes, I know.
00:58:44And that will give us the opportunity to test a feature that I fitted.
00:58:49Oh, God.
00:58:50What?
00:58:51Well, you know you're always reading in the newspapers about an old person who's driven
00:58:5630 miles the wrong way down the M1.
00:58:58Yeah.
00:58:59Well, I fitted something that'll stop that happening.
00:59:01How?
00:59:02Well, now look, you see here, it's not clearly marked.
00:59:06It's easy to go the wrong way down that slip road.
00:59:09I just did.
00:59:10Exactly.
00:59:11Watch this.
00:59:12Here we go.
00:59:13Oh, I see.
00:59:14That's clever.
00:59:15That's good.
00:59:16But, if I miss the signs, I could just as easily miss all this.
00:59:20Yeah, okay.
00:59:21Keep going.
00:59:22Oh, this is going to be dull.
00:59:23Keep going.
00:59:24Oh, this is going to be dull.
00:59:25Keep going.
00:59:26There you go.
00:59:27You idiot.
00:59:28What?
00:59:29Well, it's ruined.
00:59:30It's been a can't go on the motorway going the wrong way.
00:59:34No, we can't go anywhere because you exploded the car.
00:59:35Exactly.
00:59:36We're alive.
00:59:37Everybody on that motorway is alive.
00:59:38This is the best solution ever.
00:59:39I've wet myself again.
00:59:40Thank you, ladies.
00:59:41What?
00:59:42What?
00:59:43What?
00:59:44What?
00:59:45What?
00:59:46What?
00:59:47What?
00:59:48What?
00:59:49What?
00:59:50What?
00:59:51What?
00:59:52What?
00:59:53What?
00:59:54What?
00:59:55What?
00:59:56What?
00:59:57What?
00:59:58What?
00:59:59What?
01:00:00What?
01:00:01What?
01:00:02What?
01:00:03What?
01:00:04What?
01:00:05I knew you'd have something to say about it.
01:00:07What?
01:00:08I think you've overdone it.
01:00:09What on this is overdone?
01:00:11That heater.
01:00:12That's too complicated.
01:00:13I said that.
01:00:14You don't need a button for hot and a button for cold.
01:00:16You just need one that says just right.
01:00:18No, no, no, no.
01:00:19Let's not get bogged down with details because I think it's more important we express our appreciation
01:00:24for the man who provided us with the voice for our satellite navigation system because
01:00:28it was the lovely Richard Briers who sadly died just last week.
01:00:33So.
01:00:36I'm honored to have had it.
01:00:37I'm honored to have had it.
01:00:38I'm honored to have had it.
01:00:39I'm honored to have had it.
01:00:41I'm honored to have had it.
01:00:42Anyway, next week it is our Christmas special.
01:00:45It's hardly Christmas, is it?
01:00:47Not really.
01:00:48Well, it is if you're watching this on Dave in 2016.
01:00:52Good point.
01:00:53Anyway, it's us in three very cheap estate cars plunging around in the heart of Africa
01:00:59looking for the source of the River Nile.
01:01:01Now, it is in two parts.
01:01:03This is quite simple.
01:01:05Part one is on next Sunday, part two the week after that.
01:01:08Yep, and they are both worth a watch because we do quite literally rewrite history.
01:01:14We do indeed.
01:01:15And on that bombshell, time to end.
01:01:17Thanks for watching.
01:01:18See you next week.
01:01:19Good night.
01:01:44Bye.
01:01:45Bye.
01:01:46Bye.
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