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00:00:00MUSIC
00:00:20Hello, everybody!
00:00:25Yes, Verona!
00:00:27We're faster, we're greater!
00:00:30But we're back! We're back!
00:00:35And for the first time ever,
00:00:37we are being broadcast simultaneously
00:00:40right around the world.
00:00:41So, bonjour, g'day, mushy, mushy, und willkommen!
00:00:47And coming up now is a taste of what you can expect
00:00:50over the next ten, yes, ten, weeks!
00:00:55Are you ready?
00:00:57MUSIC
00:01:00Cow!
00:01:02We are revolutionising the world of cowboy.
00:01:06This is all perfectly normal.
00:01:11Do not let American Top Gear
00:01:13lap British Top Gear.
00:01:20Hammond!
00:01:23Coming to get you, Hammond.
00:01:24You need a new rear exhaust silencer.
00:01:29You need a new rear exhaust silencer.
00:01:30Gah, totally shrouds us!
00:01:42Calm, controlled, smooth, good for the patient.
00:01:49Fueled up, and amped up, and pumped up.
00:01:52But it is the Stig's Australian cousin.
00:01:54But it is the Stig's Australian cousin.
00:02:01Cousin!
00:02:03Yes!
00:02:04Yes!
00:02:05Thank God, be mercy!
00:02:08What in God's name is happening?
00:02:09What in God's name is happening?
00:02:20Now, that all looks very exciting, but we start tonight with our sensible hats on.
00:02:27You see, a few years ago, we staged a race across London.
00:02:30We used a car, public transport, bicycle, and a speedboat down the River Thames,
00:02:36and it was one of our more genuinely interesting tests.
00:02:40Yeah, it was, but it's always troubled us, because the bicycle, ridden by me, won,
00:02:46and the car, which is the whole point of this show, came home stone dead last.
00:02:51That's because he was driving it.
00:02:53Yeah, look, it wasn't entirely fair, was it?
00:02:55Because the car I had was a gigantic Mercedes off-roader,
00:02:59and it's not really suitable for London traffic.
00:03:01Yes, whatever, okay?
00:03:02We decided we would rerun the race, only this time we'd use a car
00:03:07that was a little more suitable for city centre work.
00:03:10Absolutely.
00:03:11The question now, though, was which city, because we'd already done London, obviously.
00:03:16So, Jeremy got a map and a pin, and because he's very tall
00:03:20and he has monkey's arms, that is where we ended up.
00:03:25This is St Petersburg in Russia, the most northerly big city in the world.
00:03:46And this is the car I'll be using.
00:03:58This is the two-seat Renault Twizy.
00:04:01It costs just £7,000, and it's an all-electric car
00:04:05designed specifically for the narrow streets of Europe's cities.
00:04:09With this, I can't really lose.
00:04:11Yes, he can, because I should be using this.
00:04:16It's the same sort of bicycle that Chris Froome used in this year's Tour de France.
00:04:23Now, it is expensive.
00:04:25£9,000.
00:04:27It's £2,000 more than James' car.
00:04:30It's a lot for a bicycle, I know, but it's made of special carbon fibre,
00:04:33so it weighs just 860 grams.
00:04:37I love this thing.
00:04:39Every detail, it's just...
00:04:41Look at that, it's magnificent.
00:04:43Special.
00:04:44Nice.
00:04:44Yeah, I'd say.
00:04:45Bloody hell.
00:04:46I know.
00:04:47That's amazing.
00:04:48Yeah.
00:04:49Yeah, not good for you, I'm afraid.
00:04:51I mean, I've got some medical research here.
00:04:54That racing saddle will put between 25% and 40% of your body weight
00:05:00on your perineum, which is the bit of you between your anus and your scrotum,
00:05:04and as a result, blood oxygen levels in surrounding areas will drop by 80%.
00:05:09What are you saying?
00:05:11Medical advice, cycling is good for you.
00:05:13It's healthy.
00:05:14Wrong.
00:05:14It gets your lungs worked.
00:05:15Wrong, wrong, wrong.
00:05:15None impact.
00:05:16Totally wrong.
00:05:17Good for your cardiovascular system, bad for your chap.
00:05:20My what?
00:05:20Your chap.
00:05:21Honestly, listen to this.
00:05:24Cyclists aged over 40 are considered at greater risk of erectile dysfunction.
00:05:29Yes, yes.
00:05:30Thank you, Dr Clarkson.
00:05:32That's fascinating.
00:05:32What about Stig?
00:05:34Oh, he's just on public transport, as before, yeah.
00:05:37And you?
00:05:38Well, now, you see, last time, as you know, I used a speedboat to go across London.
00:05:41Yes.
00:05:42But at the end, it couldn't go on land, so I had to run, which cost me the race.
00:05:47This time, however, I've chosen a boat that can.
00:05:51Hang on a minute.
00:06:00Isn't that a hover van?
00:06:01It is like a hover van.
00:06:02Well, it is.
00:06:03Well, now, listen, gentlemen.
00:06:05Most people laughed at our idea when we went on the River Eben in ours, but the Russians
00:06:10have taken our idea and put it into production.
00:06:14It's a hover van.
00:06:14It's a hover van!
00:06:20Are you feeling proud?
00:06:22This is fantastic.
00:06:24Right.
00:06:24Gullwing doors.
00:06:25We didn't think of that.
00:06:26It's got a proper dashboard.
00:06:28I know.
00:06:28It's from a larder.
00:06:29Is it?
00:06:30It really does look like a van.
00:06:31It is a van.
00:06:32It's got larder engines, two of them.
00:06:3572 horsepower.
00:06:36Reliable.
00:06:36It's 72 horsepower.
00:06:38Each.
00:06:3972.
00:06:40How do you operate it?
00:06:41Yeah.
00:06:41What do those two pedals do?
00:06:43These?
00:06:44Yeah.
00:06:46Pitch.
00:06:47What pitch?
00:06:48Propeller pitch.
00:06:49How do you steer it?
00:06:50Do you steer it with the wheel?
00:06:51Ah, no.
00:06:52Yes.
00:06:53No, yes.
00:06:54When you're going quickly, this, as you can see, right, I'm turning the rudders, yes?
00:07:00Yeah.
00:07:01But that doesn't work at slow speed.
00:07:03How do you steer it at slow speed?
00:07:05With pitch.
00:07:07So if you're trying to turn tightly at low speed, which is when your rudders aren't very effective,
00:07:11do you use differential throttle or differential pitch?
00:07:16Yes.
00:07:17Right.
00:07:18So which do you do?
00:07:19Both.
00:07:20Are there instructions?
00:07:21Yeah, they're all in Russian.
00:07:22So you're going to race us in a half a craft with a fraction of the power anyway of the
00:07:28one we build, plus with controls you don't understand and the instructions are in Russian
00:07:32which you don't speak.
00:07:34With my confidence brimming, it was time to prepare for our important race.
00:07:40If I'd come out of my bike and been nicked then, I'd have been furious.
00:07:44We'd start at the Vistochny Yacht Club, and from there we'd race for 18 miles all the
00:07:50way across St. Petersburg to the finish line on Yelagin Island outside a palace called Yelagin...
00:07:59...
00:08:02That's all in Russian.
00:08:09That's all in Russian.
00:08:12That's all in Russian.
00:08:12Right.
00:08:22Right, this is it.
00:08:27Come on, Stig.
00:08:28Forward into glory.
00:08:31We're going to depending the honour of the car, sort of.
00:08:35I don't know what any of that means!
00:08:41Right, Junction. I've got my feet clipped in the pedals.
00:08:44I simply cannot stop.
00:08:48Stupid boy.
00:08:50Wrong gear!
00:08:59Full power.
00:09:05Move!
00:09:08Oh, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep!
00:09:10Oh, Christ!
00:09:17Oh, no! Oh, no! That's...
00:09:20A rock, a rock, a rock.
00:09:24But we're just going into those reeds, and this does nothing.
00:09:28Back! Back! It's...
00:09:31Looking forwards again on that. This is...
00:09:33I'm busy. I'm very busy.
00:09:41I think that's on. Boom! Out!
00:09:43That's probably ruining my sausage a bit more.
00:09:58Come over there! Come over there!
00:10:00Oh, God, strength.
00:10:02Now it's just going round in circles.
00:10:05Pitch, pitch, pitch!
00:10:07Right, now I want to go in that way.
00:10:09Oh, Christ. I'm stuck in my own way!
00:10:12Don't wait!
00:10:13Oh, God.
00:10:14Don't wait!
00:10:15Don't wait!
00:10:16BIRDS CHIRP
00:10:46BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:16BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:18BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:20BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:22BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:24BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:26BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:28BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:30BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:32BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:34BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:36BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:38BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:40BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:42BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:44BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:46BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:48BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:50BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:52BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:54BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:56BIRDS CHIRP
00:11:58BIRDS CHIRP
00:12:00BIRDS CHIRP
00:12:02BIRDS CHIRP
00:12:04BIRDS CHIRP
00:12:06BIRDS CHIRP
00:12:08BIRDS CHIRP
00:12:10BIRDS CHIRP
00:12:12BIRDS CHIRP
00:12:16Ho, Hammond, hereÃs what 17 horsepower will do!
00:12:18Yee-haw!
00:12:20Oh God!
00:12:22BIRDS CHIRP
00:12:24On board the only petrol-powered vehicle in the race,
00:12:28I've discovered the solution to my problems, as ever, was more power!
00:12:36BIRDS CHIRP
00:12:38Wow! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Now I'm heading for the wall!
00:12:44No!
00:12:48I'm in the power slide! I'm doing a scan!
00:12:52The way birds, I can't steer!
00:12:59Stig, meanwhile, had finished with his tram
00:13:02and was now heading for the underground station.
00:13:08Stig!
00:13:33Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
00:13:36If we're back in front, it's going to be like this all the way.
00:13:42On the river, I finally had HMS Awkward under control.
00:13:47Come on, hover van, catch the main.
00:13:52And there's another hover van. Boy, they're popular.
00:13:5922 miles an hour.
00:14:01Keeping the bit in reserve, long way yet to go.
00:14:06Oh, really? Really?
00:14:09Overtakes a bicycle with ease.
00:14:13Some speed up.
00:14:16Oh, hang on. I think that's him.
00:14:19Oh, no, there he is.
00:14:21Come on, van!
00:14:24That, I believe, is James May.
00:14:29Where is Hammond right now?
00:14:31There he is!
00:14:32Richard Hammond is in sight and he's behind me and slow.
00:14:36Ah!
00:14:42Seconds later, I also took James.
00:14:46Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:14:50Talking more!
00:14:52Yes!
00:14:53Let's go win this race.
00:14:57By this stage, Stig had found a metro station.
00:15:02and in this weird subterranean world he was distracted by many wondrous things
00:15:16can i take him in that gap making a lane yes the interesting thing about the twizy is it is
00:15:30a genuinely small car it's a genuine city car there's a tram i hate trams they're trains
00:15:39running down the road trains can't stop whoa oh oh oh suffering tram lines still could be worse
00:15:50oh no we're only on the tram tracks i'm on the tram tracks i don't want to be like
00:15:55ah there's one coming in the way oh oh
00:16:09oh oh
00:16:19ah
00:16:26how's my bike yeah oh that's not good derailleur's come off
00:16:33sheared up do you know what i think st petersburg has beaten me already
00:16:40when the news reached my colleagues they were suitably saddened
00:16:50i mean the one thing you have to avoid on a bicycle in a city with trams is tram lines
00:16:58sebra the fruit and nut powered richard hammond is not only ruined his testes his penis and his
00:17:05his anus but he's fallen off this is a proper three-way race to the finish now
00:17:25he's fallen off this is a car when it's got no heater the boot is the size of a ladybird's clutch bag
00:17:49and the doors and windows are optional extras yeah but i like it because it's it's simple james
00:17:57it can't even do naught to 60 yeah but it's better than his hovercraft it is not well it's less deadly
00:18:04the craft isn't deadly listen hammond two points number one i'm the only person in that race who is
00:18:10representing the holy trinity of oil coal and gas the holy trinity yes holy trinity number two every
00:18:17single city in the world under uses its waterways they've all got jammed up roads congested trains
00:18:24packed buses and right in the middle a river with nothing on it apart from a couple of ducks yeah that's
00:18:30because everyone's terrified that there might be somebody on it in a hovercraft well yes i agree
00:18:35waterways are underused but the hovercraft is not the answer it is no it isn't so let's do the news
00:18:44um how how can we do the news when it's over there and we're all three over here see normally
00:18:53we say let's do the news one two of us do and then one's over there he starts it and then we join
00:18:58yeah exactly but if we're all here no you know we can't um i know while we and the cameras move over
00:19:06there we'll show some footage of a squirrel right the news
00:19:19and first of all bad news i'm afraid because britain's motorway network is going to get a new
00:19:24type of speed camera which is gray and invisible and unlike any other motorway speed camera we've
00:19:30seen in the past this doesn't just come on when the limit is lowered for some reason but it's on all
00:19:36the time constantly really yeah constantly now that is funny isn't it because i seem to remember the tory
00:19:41party saying they were going to end the war on the motorist i remember that yes but you can end a war
00:19:47by brutally killing everyone after the police said it's not in the public interest to tell anyone
00:19:54where the cameras are so fair enough we'll pay the fine say i paid it into a bank account but i'm not
00:19:58going to tell you which one work it out yeah i'll tell you the uh the really bad news is that they're
00:20:05already up and running in kent by the way these cameras and um steve harley out of cockney revel has
00:20:11been busted by one of them no yes he's 63 years old he's eking a meager living out of let's be
00:20:18honest only one hits him and now they've nailed him how fast was he going 70 but somebody in a motorway
00:20:26control room in polyester trousers with appallingly smelly armpits have decided that the speed limit at
00:20:32that particular moment for no good reason should be 40. 40 miles an hour on a motor yes that was the
00:20:38speed limit that was prevailing when he was caught how much did he get five thousand pounds thousand
00:20:44but i have an idea you know if you download a song yeah yeah the artist gets 49p now why don't we
00:20:51download come up and see me make me smile i love that everybody loves that song you can't trust someone
00:20:57who doesn't like that song what's he doing james well i've already got it but i i can delete it and
00:21:02download it again imagine everybody did it he'd wake up tomorrow and realize i'm number one
00:21:09where did that come from and he wouldn't know why if he's not watching talking why am i number one all of
00:21:13a sudden don't cheer him up and the great thing is if he does go to number one then he'll have
00:21:19enough money to help other people out with their speeding files we could call it the the make me smile
00:21:25foundation oh that's a beautiful idea he could take out a small ad in the papers he could say court
00:21:31speeding come up and see me
00:21:38now boris johnson who is a mayor has decided he wants to make london an ultra low emission zone well
00:21:45that's easy you just get rid of all the buses and he's back on his high horse no because this time
00:21:50i'm backed by fact are you really yes i am because the levels of nitrogen dioxide pollution are
00:21:57measured constantly in oxford street which is right in the middle of london and i've got the graph here
00:22:02from the week before last okay now you can see here seventh this is the peak yes that's the 7th of
00:22:07january 8th 9th 10th 11th 12th the day of the bus strike yeah so there you are you want to save the world
00:22:18burn a bus let us move on yes let us i think we should talk about the cars that we're looking
00:22:25forward to this coming year good idea tell you what i'm looking forward to this year coming up
00:22:30yeah well let's have a look at it the aerial nomad look at that come on oh scaffolding no it's brilliant
00:22:37is what it is it's from ariel the same people who made the atom remember the car that ripped his face off
00:22:42i remember it it grew back sadly but this this thing is kind of an off-road version of the same
00:22:47thing it's got a 2.4 liter engine now and it's got all those body panels there they're made out of the
00:22:52same material they use for traffic cones and boat fenders so that thing is indestructible it's a pity
00:23:00it's brilliant i love it yes yes what he what are you going to do with it what time it's about you can
00:23:06drive it on the road that goes on the road you can drive a tractor on all those massive cranes that
00:23:12do eight miles an hour i like those two i want one i'm going to have one it's brilliant you are like a
00:23:17rural simpleton you know that don't you what do you mean he's like a rules anyway the car i'm most
00:23:25looking forward to driving this year is a hybrid actually is it done there you go look at that's the
00:23:30new honda nsx been waiting years for this uh it's got three electric motors one for each of the front
00:23:36wheels and then one at the back to supplement the twin turbo v6 550 horsepower weighs virtually nothing
00:23:43hundred thousand pounds but if you think about it that's what a tenth of the price of the mclaren p1
00:23:48that's just just fabulous i don't like it and that's because you're a rural simpleton
00:23:52it does look right no i do like it i think it looks great and it sounds interesting but i thought
00:23:59you would be more interested in this the new ford gt oh yeah that's more you yeah why not i don't
00:24:05know i mean no i know i've been there and i've sort of done that with ford gts yeah they'll fit it
00:24:12with the burglar alarm that'll go off every time you fall asleep or when your child's doing some
00:24:18important solo work in the school products this is weirdly specific you'll drive home and you'll
00:24:27get a phone call from somebody saying your car's been stolen and you'll say it hasn't i'm driving
00:24:31it and they go we don't believe you what's your mother's maiden name did she like boiled eggs done
00:24:35for three minutes or we're going to shut the engine down on the side of the road you get hypotherma and
00:24:40then the alarm will go off again no and apart from anything else i'm sort of done now as you know
00:24:45because i'm mature and wise with um with mid-engine cars no i mean that does look great but it's just
00:24:51not for me uh now that's nearly the end of the news but before we conclude i need to say something
00:24:57actually i'm sure a lot of you saw the patagonia special and i want to admit here and now in front
00:25:02of everybody i made a terrible terrible mistake uh nobody knows i'm going to do this not the producers
00:25:07nobody but i want to get it off my chest now um uh right in the middle of the program i said that the
00:25:13condor is the largest flying bird in the world it isn't it's the wandering albatross and i'm deeply deeply sorry
00:25:21oh well don't forget now for chairs
00:25:23you feel better it's nice to have it out in the open i feel better if you make a mistake
00:25:29and that's right move on
00:25:32right now we must move on to this
00:25:39the lamborghini gallardo it is the company's best-selling car in fact of all the lamborghinis
00:25:46ever sold over half of them have been gallardo's now though sadly it's gone and in its place
00:25:55there is a new car
00:26:04here it is
00:26:07it's called the hurricane after a famous spanish fighting bull
00:26:15it costs 187 000 pounds and it's brand new from the ground up
00:26:25it's a new car
00:26:33oh well that's a problem right there i could have sworn this car was bright green but according to the
00:26:39options list it's verdi mantis other colors available include aranchio borealis
00:26:45grigio nimbus and marron al celstis how's a premiership footballer going to get his head around that
00:26:53anyway to business
00:27:07besides having to take over the baton from the gallardo the hurricane also needs to hold
00:27:22its own in a game of top trumps against the ferrari 458 and the mclaren 650s
00:27:28to do that there are some very big boxes to tick 0-60 needs to be around three seconds which it is
00:27:45top speed needs to be around 200 miles an hour which it is
00:27:49all of that is thanks to a heavily reworked version of the gallardo's 5.2 meter feet 10
00:28:08and as those revs climb the jack and mcguire really kicks in
00:28:17the hurricane also has a brand new state-of-the-art twin-clutch gearbox which is superb
00:28:27and that's a good thing because the one in the gallardo was um well it was crap it was awful
00:28:34this though this is a joy and there's more high-tech weaponry at this car's disposal
00:28:41it has carbon ceramic brakes as standard the back end is sculpted so it doesn't need a stuck-on rear
00:28:50spoiler for downforce and like most lambos it has a four-wheel drive system
00:28:57it has three gyroscopes on board like you get on a fighter jet and they're busy monitoring everything that's going on
00:29:15the four-wheel drive brain and it then decides how much power to send to each individual wheel
00:29:26Oh, my head hurts just thinking about how all that works.
00:29:31The result is you can corner at sensational speeds.
00:29:37I'm glued down.
00:29:40The grip is astonishing.
00:29:44It's almost undefeatable.
00:29:49If slithering about is your thing, you can have some fun in the hurricane.
00:29:56Oh, my God!
00:30:03But you need an enormous pair of gentlemen balloons.
00:30:10And your own personal airfield to play on.
00:30:18And for me, this is where the problems begin.
00:30:26This hurricane has been designed on the road to feel tame and user-friendly.
00:30:31You don't get that special Lamborghini mentalist feeling unless you are out here with an entire airfield under your wheels.
00:30:39And that's a bit of a heartbreaker, actually.
00:30:41And while we're on it, there's another issue.
00:30:46And it's a big thing.
00:30:50Basically, bear with me on this, it's the looks.
00:30:53I know it's bright green and low and there's a bull on the front.
00:30:58But I just don't think that the hurricane is special enough for a Lamborghini.
00:31:03Lamborghinis should be jaw-dropping.
00:31:05That's why they make the best bedroom wall posters.
00:31:08And I just don't see it with this.
00:31:09I think the problem is this has been designed to sell many, many times and to still look good in ten years' time.
00:31:19And I think for that reason, they've played it safe.
00:31:21Lamborghini, like every other car company, has got to shift units to survive.
00:31:31But I think with the hurricane, they've thrown the baby out with the bathwater.
00:31:37I've had some good times. No, great times if Lamborghini's on Top Gear.
00:31:42And if the producer's got my email, they shall now follow a montage showing that.
00:31:46This is just so exciting!
00:31:59That's absolutely brutal!
00:32:05The most alive thing I've ever driven, it's beautiful!
00:32:16Now, as a car, this hurricane is probably better than all those other Lamborghinis.
00:32:22But those cars are better Lamborghinis.
00:32:27The other Lamborghinis made you feel special, even in traffic.
00:32:32This doesn't.
00:32:34And that's a loss.
00:32:35What we have here is a Lamborghini that I respect for its engineering.
00:32:45But love it, quiver at the very sight of it.
00:32:49I'm afraid not.
00:32:50I'm afraid not.
00:33:08This is annoying.
00:33:10This is really annoying.
00:33:12Why?
00:33:13Because I completely agree with you for once.
00:33:16Do you?
00:33:17Yeah, it's, I don't know, Lamborghinis should be mad and stupid and have rockets coming out of their exhausts.
00:33:23And this, I don't know, it just doesn't float my boat.
00:33:26I know, but it's almost as though they actually want to sell cars.
00:33:29And that is idiotic.
00:33:31No, no, seriously, because you know James and I have always said that one day we'll open a pub.
00:33:34Yeah.
00:33:35And it'll be the best pub in the world specifically because we won't allow anyone in it.
00:33:40Why?
00:33:41No, nobody at all.
00:33:42Nobody.
00:33:43Now I know an accountant would say that's a ridiculous business plan.
00:33:46But it would be good because it won't be cluttered up with people with smelly bottoms wanting scampi in a basket.
00:33:52Yeah, but what's this got to do with Lamborghini?
00:33:54Because Lamborghinis should be making cars that they want to make, not cars that their accountants think will make a few quid.
00:34:00Yeah, I think maybe the problem here is that Lamborghini is owned by Audi.
00:34:05And would you drink in a pub owned by Audi?
00:34:08No, no.
00:34:10Would you drive the car designed by Wetherspoon?
00:34:13No, I wouldn't do that.
00:34:15Anyway, listen, we've got to find out how fast this goes round our track.
00:34:18And that, of course, means handing it over to our tame racing driver.
00:34:22Some say that his favourite football formation is 8-8-19.
00:34:27And that while we were off air, his iCloud was hacked and now everyone in the world has seen his helmet.
00:34:36All he knows is he's got the Stig!
00:34:41And he's off. Tiny bit of wheel spin and then the gyros and computers tell the four-wheel drive stuff to do its thing.
00:34:49Flying through the first corner, Stig really working hard at the wheel of Kermit's wash bag.
00:34:54Mmm, Stig enjoying a smooth serving of the Carpenters there.
00:35:05No dramas through Chicago.
00:35:07Now Hammerhead.
00:35:09All-wheel drive cars can push wide here.
00:35:12Stig using a very delicate port of steer.
00:35:14No whiff of understeer, just flying round there.
00:35:19And out the other side.
00:35:25Okay, follow through. A chance to really get the ten-cylinder hammer down.
00:35:30Well, whatever Stig did during his holiday has made him extra committed.
00:35:37Just two corners left.
00:35:39Turning in with precision.
00:35:41Ooh, he's going to move sideways up to Gambon.
00:35:45Skates it through there and across the line.
00:35:48This is amazing. This is truly amazing because it did it.
00:35:55It did it in 115.8, which means it goes right the way up there. Look at it.
00:36:02Wow.
00:36:03It's quicker than the McLaren MP4-12C. It's quicker than its big brother, the Aventador.
00:36:07That is-
00:36:08And that means everything we've been saying is completely wrong.
00:36:10Well, no. No, because I still think that is good, but it would be better if it were slower, but had knives sticking out of the wheels.
00:36:19Well, you're right, because this part of the board is where Ferraris and serious stuff should live, and Lamborghinis should be here.
00:36:25Which, interestingly enough, look, is where the Gallardo is.
00:36:28Anyway, we must now put a star in our reasonably priced car.
00:36:32Now, there are many, many well-known Eds in the world these days as Harris, Miliband, Balls.
00:36:38There is, but, but, my guest tonight is the best and the newest head of them all, ladies and gentlemen.
00:36:48Ed Sheeran!
00:36:49Ed Sheeran!
00:36:50Ed Sheeran!
00:36:51Ed Sheeran!
00:36:52Ed Sheeran!
00:36:53Ooh, welcome to Mr. Harry Reid.
00:36:56Ed Sheeran is here!
00:36:58Ed Sheeran!
00:36:59Ed Sheeran!
00:37:00Ed Sheeran!
00:37:01Ed Sheeran!
00:37:02Ed Sheeran!
00:37:03Ed Sheeran!
00:37:04Ed Sheeran!
00:37:05Ed Sheeran!
00:37:06Ed Sheeran!
00:37:07Ed Sheeran!
00:37:08Ed Sheeran!
00:37:09Ed Sheeran!
00:37:10Ed Sheeran!
00:37:11Ed Sheeran!
00:37:12Ed Sheeran!
00:37:13Ed Sheeran!
00:37:14Ed Sheeran!
00:37:15Ed Sheeran!
00:37:16Ed Sheeran!
00:37:17Ed Sheeran!
00:37:18Ed Sheeran!
00:37:19Ed Sheeran!
00:37:20Ed Sheeran!
00:37:21Ed Sheeran!
00:37:22Ed Sheeran!
00:37:23Ed Sheeran!
00:37:24It was something you'd done on the laundry then.
00:37:26Yeah, no, it was, um, yeah, it was just, I would, if, if, if there wasn't a place to stay,
00:37:31which often, often, I, it was too late for me to call anyone for a sofa,
00:37:35I would stay out till about 5am and then get on the circle line and just kind of lean up
00:37:40or sitting down and then get up around 12 and then go and...
00:37:44Just go round and round, because it is warm down there and...
00:37:47It's great. It's great.
00:37:48There you go, there's a top tip.
00:37:50Then sleep on...
00:37:51And did you not want to sleep in the heating duct at Buckingham Palace?
00:37:53No, no.
00:37:55There's another no.
00:37:56No, no, it was outside of, it was outside of Buckingham Palace. It wasn't in Buckingham Palace.
00:37:59You see, this is what I find fascinating is five years ago, you're trying to find somewhere warm to sleep in London.
00:38:03Yeah, no, but it wasn't like, people, people have really taken it out of context, you know,
00:38:08the Daily Mail have taken the quote and been...
00:38:09No!
00:38:12No, I won't believe that the Daily Mail makes stuff up.
00:38:15It's not, um, it wasn't, it wasn't like a massive hardship or anything.
00:38:19It was literally, I, I wasn't living anywhere in London.
00:38:22I was sleeping on people's sofas and sometimes I didn't have sofas to sleep on.
00:38:25And that was, it was, it wasn't like a common thing, but it did, it did happen.
00:38:29Because, I mean, you were gigging a lot in those days.
00:38:31I mean, working your bottom off was...
00:38:33Yeah, I haven't, I haven't stopped yet.
00:38:35It's still...
00:38:36But you were travelling down to Exeter to get, how much did you get to performing in Exeter?
00:38:41Exeter, that was the worst thing.
00:38:43Yeah, it was a, it was an 80 quid train ticket to Exeter and I was getting paid, paid 50 pounds for the gig and I arrived and I sound checked with the sound engineer.
00:38:50And he was like, doors are at 7, got to 7, I was on at 7.30, it was empty.
00:38:55He said, yeah, you can wait 15 minutes if people turn up.
00:38:57Empty, 15 minutes later, yeah, you can wait another 10 minutes.
00:39:00We ended up waiting about an hour.
00:39:01It's like, no one turned up, so I just played to him.
00:39:04Um, it was, you know, it was all right.
00:39:06And, er, and then I was like, cool, see you later, mate, got my 50 quid and went and I missed the last train at home.
00:39:12So, er, but I just bought, er, from eBay, er, Pokemon on the Game Boy Color.
00:39:17And I just, and I've just, just got that.
00:39:20So I sat at the train station until the morning, until the next train playing Pokemon.
00:39:23It's great.
00:39:24Well, you see, that's where you learn it all from.
00:39:27So now you've got to the point from, you know, playing Pokemon on Exeter Railway Station,
00:39:32have you just not sold out Wembley for how many nights is it?
00:39:34Three, three nights.
00:39:35Just you?
00:39:36In front of a crowd of 80,000, 90,000?
00:39:39Around that, yeah.
00:39:40Did that make you nervous?
00:39:41Er, I was more nervous about today, doing the lap.
00:39:45Genuinely, genuinely.
00:39:46Because, I mean, your whole life is, you meet, obviously you've met De Niro now, yeah, Clinton.
00:39:50Yeah.
00:39:50And then today you met James May.
00:39:52Yeah.
00:39:54Literally completed the circle.
00:39:56Can I just tell you a little bit about your early life before we get on to the cars that we made?
00:39:59Because I was just, I was slightly staggered, but you had a number of illnesses when you were little.
00:40:04Oh, just, yeah.
00:40:04Ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:40:06Ha, ha.
00:40:07Uh, glaucoma?
00:40:08Well, I mean, yeah, probably could have led to that.
00:40:10I had a big birthmark on the side of my face.
00:40:12Yeah, I had to get lazered off.
00:40:14And weird eyes.
00:40:15So I wore...
00:40:16Weird eyes?
00:40:16And then you had to play sports wearing some weird...
00:40:18Well, my view on it is I was a very weird kid in primary school and I probably didn't have a lot of friends
00:40:22but I think God looked down and went, you need some help, and then gave me a guitar, and it worked out.
00:40:27You mean what? Good on God.
00:40:30The second half of my life is much more fun than the first half, and I'd rather that way around
00:40:34because half of the popular kids in school, I mean, you know, you know, there's...
00:40:39F*** their lives up.
00:40:43Now, we've got to get on, I'm afraid, to the elephant in the room.
00:40:48Yes.
00:40:49Ed can't drive.
00:40:51And I don't just mean you have no driving licence, we've had that before, okay, with Johnny Vegas and Jack Whitehall more recently.
00:41:00But you... how much can't you drive, or how much couldn't you drive before you got here today?
00:41:05Before today, I'd never sat in a driver's seat, or put my hat on the seat, never.
00:41:10The reason I said yes to Top Gear is that I had thought it'd be funny the first time that I drive.
00:41:18This must be the first ever televised driving lesson.
00:41:24I think, like, so many 17-year-olds around the world would want the Stig to teach them how to drive, and that's...
00:41:30I think it is very, very ballsy to come here and say, I don't mind being filmed for my first ever lap.
00:41:38You have actually bought cars for...
00:41:40For people.
00:41:40...sound engineers and so on.
00:41:42Yeah, I bought, yeah, I bought, I bought...
00:41:43I basically every year give people who work for me a Christmas bonus, and this guy who works for me was basically
00:41:51every year spending his Christmas bonus and things you should spend your Christmas bonus on, which is his family.
00:41:55But he would always go on about wanting a Porsche 911 Carrera, and he'd be like,
00:41:59Oh, that's my dream car, if I could just do that, but you know, I'm doing up the bathroom next, I'm doing up this.
00:42:02So this year, I just, I just got in the Porsche and...
00:42:05You bought him an 911?
00:42:06Yeah.
00:42:07Carrera?
00:42:07Yeah.
00:42:08But didn't you buy another sound engineer a smart, a smart car?
00:42:12Oh, no, yeah, no, I bought my guitar tech as a smart car, but that, that...
00:42:15Because what's he doing wrong?
00:42:16How does he feel going, oh, brilliant?
00:42:21I see, I see these people day in and day out, and they always talk about the thing that they want most.
00:42:27He's got really low ambition.
00:42:29We need to have a word with him. Are you sure he's doing your guitars properly?
00:42:34Because if he thinks a smart's a good enough car, would he could have said that 911?
00:42:37It's different strokes for different folks.
00:42:39It's it, you're right. Now, I'm just moving on to your lap. How was it out there?
00:42:44It was interesting, it was interesting. I had some, I had some very funny bloopers,
00:42:48which I'm sure you're going to show.
00:42:51We wouldn't do that. Yes, we would.
00:42:54Who'd like to see Ed's first ever driving lesson on television?
00:43:02We've got one or two clips we'd like to show for you first of few slip-ups. Let's have a look at those.
00:43:10So this is, whoa, that's the second to last corner, but you missed that by a long way there.
00:43:15That looks great. Oh my god, is that the follow-through? That's the going through the tyres.
00:43:21You're not going to hold it. You did it!
00:43:24I see a girl on the way, on the way, on the way, on the way!
00:43:30Not again, not again on the follow-through. The sign!
00:43:33What staggers me about that is when the car is sliding, particularly going through there,
00:43:39which is about 80 miles an hour, so it's sliding like that, most people just give up.
00:43:43But you actually were wrestling with the controls in there.
00:43:46Um, that wasn't, that wasn't planned, though. I just couldn't, I didn't know to take my foot off the acceleration.
00:43:52You just kept it on?
00:43:56Yeah, I wasn't, I wasn't like, I wasn't like, oh, I'm going to, like, sort this out and show everyone that I'm really good at driving.
00:44:02It was literally just like, argh!
00:44:05How do you actually walk about when they're that big?
00:44:09Well, shall we have a look at the fastest lap? Everybody ready?
00:44:13Yeah!
00:44:14Let's play the take. Come on. Here we go.
00:44:19Yes, we'll spin from an automatic. Oh, it is wet, isn't it? Yep.
00:44:22Come on.
00:44:27It will, and here it comes, down to the first corner, and around it.
00:44:32I still can't believe that you had never driven a car before this morning.
00:44:37And you're around, it's wide, but never mind, we're off towards the car, don't we?
00:44:42Come on, come on, come on. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
00:44:46I like it neat and tidy through there, no real problems at all, and with tyre.
00:44:53Yes, the tyres are squealing.
00:44:56Surprise, keep your hands on the wheel, that is important.
00:45:00And this is the Hammerhead, designed to catch out the unwary and the new.
00:45:05But it hasn't got you!
00:45:07Right, now this is it. This is coming up to what we call the follow-through,
00:45:10because if you get it wrong, that's what happens.
00:45:12It's not lifting.
00:45:18No, he's not lifting.
00:45:19Nobody's ever had tyre squeal on their first ever driving lesson.
00:45:23Through the tyres, can we do this? Yes, looking good.
00:45:26Oh, crikey, a little bit of brake action there,
00:45:28or that could be automatic on the car's part.
00:45:31Second to last corner catches most people out, but not you, not today.
00:45:35Into Gambon, and, ooh, there was a burst of acceleration.
00:45:40And there we are, across the line.
00:45:49Right, now...
00:45:50It looks slower than it felt, like it looks...
00:45:52It does, it does, it's not a fast car.
00:45:54There are faster ones available on the market.
00:45:57When do you think you've come on our...
00:45:59As long as I beat Jack Whitehall, I'm happy.
00:46:01Two things, one, Jack had driven a car before he got here,
00:46:05although he had no licence.
00:46:07And the track was what we call mildly moist for him, barely wet.
00:46:11No, it was very wet for you, so that obviously slows you down.
00:46:15All right, so he did a 154.5,
00:46:17and you, Ed Sheeran, you were 1, 50, 4, 3.
00:46:32Oh!
00:46:33You've done it, and you've worked!
00:46:35You've done it!
00:46:37Yeah!
00:46:39Are you genuinely amazed by that, because I am?
00:46:43Um, I guess so, but it just, like, that one was the best time that I did it,
00:46:48and the times before that were probably about 2 minutes 30, so...
00:46:52Well, with that level of improvement, we should just give Ed a driving licence now.
00:46:58Yeah!
00:47:00Ladies and gentlemen, Ed Sheeran!
00:47:01Tonight, we are staging one of our important races between the car, public transport, a bicycle,
00:47:20and Jeremy's rather fanciful belief that we should travel everywhere on rivers.
00:47:25Yes, we are racing across St. Petersburg in Russia, and when we left the action,
00:47:30Jeremy was in the lead in his uncontrollable hovercraft,
00:47:34James was second in his tiny electric Renault,
00:47:36the Stig was somewhere or other on a metro train,
00:47:40and I had fallen off my bicycle and broken it.
00:47:56OK, this is good!
00:48:00Flat out on water.
00:48:06Remaining range, it tells me, it's 40 miles, that's plenty.
00:48:10Bit of a jink round him.
00:48:14Now, you're probably thinking, what's the point of that tiny little car?
00:48:16Look at the size of that road he's on.
00:48:17Yes, yes, of course, but we're not in St. Petersburg proper yet,
00:48:21we're still on the outskirts.
00:48:23When we get near the middle, there's going to be a small alleyway,
00:48:27something built before cars were invented.
00:48:30Things wide enough for a horse.
00:48:32And then I shall sweep to victory.
00:48:35The Stig, James and Jeremy were battling in what they thought was a three-horse race.
00:48:48But I had other plans.
00:49:03So you speak English?
00:49:07I do.
00:49:08And you don't speak English?
00:49:09A little bit.
00:49:10A little bit.
00:49:11Can you interpret?
00:49:12Absolutely.
00:49:12I've broken my bike, fell off my bicycle.
00:49:15Can I borrow your bike?
00:49:20Oh, please.
00:49:22Please, I'm in a race.
00:49:23The hovercraft has gone past now.
00:49:29If we give you a lift to work, can I borrow your bike?
00:49:36Really?
00:49:36Can we?
00:49:37Really?
00:49:39What a gentleman.
00:49:40As a producer took the kind young man to work,
00:49:47I was getting to grips with his wheels.
00:49:50OK, this isn't as fast as the other bicycle, I'll be honest.
00:49:54I'm doing 16 miles an hour instead of 22, and it's killing me.
00:50:02Hammond would have struggled to catch up with me on his £9,000 Tour de France bike,
00:50:07but on some clunky old piece of Russian pig iron that he's borrowed from a local,
00:50:10he's got no chance, has he? Let's be honest.
00:50:14On HMS Patrol, I wasn't worried about Hammond's recovery,
00:50:17because my lead was immense.
00:50:21And I was going like a bat out of hell.
00:50:25Power!
00:50:27Right through the middle!
00:50:29But then, I hit the city centre.
00:50:37We've got hydrofoils coming in at speed from the left and the right.
00:50:43Two ferries and a water taxi.
00:50:47Oh, my giddy-on, there's one over there.
00:50:50Oh, s***.
00:50:54In traffic like this, the hover van was a menace.
00:50:58Turn!
00:50:59Turn!
00:51:00Oh, my God. I'm totally out of control.
00:51:09Holy mother of God!
00:51:11Turn!
00:51:13Turn!
00:51:14Turn now!
00:51:18Oh, s***.
00:51:21I'm crashing into St Petersburg now.
00:51:25Power! Come on, homo van.
00:51:30Oh, the swimmers.
00:51:32Oh, please, Timber.
00:51:38I, too, had reached the city centre,
00:51:40where the tiny twizzy would come into its own in the ancient narrow streets.
00:51:47Oh, c***.
00:51:50The main roads were eight lanes wide.
00:51:53And the side roads weren't much thinner.
00:51:57Small wonder there are no parking regulations in St Petersburg.
00:52:01There's no need.
00:52:04Look at it!
00:52:05Could have done this in a stretch Lincoln Continental or a Hummer or something.
00:52:09Worse! Worse! Just worse!
00:52:17Oh!
00:52:20I will not give up.
00:52:22I will not give up.
00:52:2722 miles an hour there.
00:52:29And I think I'm going to be sick.
00:52:3122 miles an hour there.
00:52:33Meanwhile, back on the river.
00:52:35Holy moly!
00:52:38At the door!
00:52:41In order to avoid death by hydrofoil,
00:52:44I decided to leave the river and use St Petersburg's canals.
00:52:49This is a canal.
00:52:50It's what I need.
00:52:52They were much quieter, but there was now another problem.
00:52:56No! Don't!
00:53:08To get under the low bridges, I had to deflate the skirts.
00:53:12That meant coming off the power and coasting.
00:53:15Which went well.
00:53:17Sinking! Sinking now!
00:53:19Look at the p***y arm.
00:53:22I'm going to try and stop my...
00:53:24This is lower. This is even lower.
00:53:26Now, two and a half metres.
00:53:27That's pretty much the height of the props on the back.
00:53:33No, no, no, no! Don't rise up! Don't rise up!
00:53:36So much!
00:53:40In the Twizy, I discovered that no matter how wide the streets may be,
00:53:45a jam is still a jam.
00:53:48See, look, small cars don't make any difference.
00:53:51If I was on the bike, I'd be down there.
00:53:52But no car is narrow enough for that.
00:53:57While James sat motionless, I was now entering the city centre.
00:54:04I can still do this.
00:54:08Where I discovered that cyclists are completely invisible.
00:54:13Oh, you're not even... You didn't even... Honestly, not even in a tent, was there?
00:54:19Ah! Wait for me, numbnuts.
00:54:26On the underground, Stig had noticed that many of his fellow passengers were holding on to strange things.
00:54:33And so, at the next station, he decided he should have one, too.
00:54:38I'm on the tram lights and in a traffic jam.
00:54:44Come on, come on, come on.
00:54:44I'm on the tram lights and in a traffic jam.
00:54:45Come on, come on, come on.
00:54:46Terrified that I'll see Richard Hammond turning up any second on his stolen mountain bike.
00:55:00Man stops in the bus lane, looking under his car, probably for a cyclist, he's run over.
00:55:18Yeah, don't worry about me. I'm just a cyclist. I'm just a pigeon. Don't you worry yourself, chum.
00:55:26Like all cyclists, Hammond was becoming full of rage and aggression.
00:55:30Come on! Really?
00:55:32Whereas in my un-air-conditioned hover van, I was becoming hot, bothered and stuck.
00:55:40Sweating. Sweating a lot.
00:55:42Not certain this was a good idea. I really am not.
00:55:50Oh, now this one is tight.
00:55:55Lower.
00:55:56Oh, oh, oh, oh, Christ.
00:56:01Bloody hell. Scary.
00:56:04No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:56:07Oh.
00:56:07Not now, not now, not now. I'm in a big problem.
00:56:13What?
00:56:24Oh, I should have actually gone to the right.
00:56:27Right, you turn.
00:56:31Concentrate, May.
00:56:33Thanks to James's famously poor sense of direction, I was now in with a shout, especially as I could
00:56:42take a shortcut through the Winter Palace.
00:56:49Wow! That goodness James has got a twizzy to fit in this place.
00:56:56Little corner cut. That will save me a minute or two.
00:56:59Water coming up over the bridge.
00:57:03Water coming up.
00:57:07In the hover van, I was finally free of the canals and back on the now traffic-free river.
00:57:13Right, I've got a lot of time to make up now. Come on, power!
00:57:26We were now entering the final stages of our race.
00:57:29And at this point, because all of us were all over the place, any one of us could win it.
00:57:39Coming fast.
00:57:40I can have that. I'll have that.
00:57:44Oh, heavy turn.
00:57:49Full thrust.
00:57:50I will not give up. I will not give up. I will not give up. Come on.
00:58:00I'm really giving this thing the electric berries here.
00:58:03What the f***ing hell are you? You great, gangly, f***ing knuckled, greasy-haired, f***ing bag.
00:58:23That's more like it. A narrow side street.
00:58:36We can win this, man.
00:58:39Come on.
00:58:40Come on, come on.
00:58:42I'm very close.
00:58:48There it is. There's the end point.
00:58:53Where is this unpronounceable palace? Where is James May? Where is the stick?
00:58:59There it is. Yes. There is the finish line.
00:59:12Oh, wait a minute. Have I got to get up that bloody thing? I have, aren't I?
00:59:20Somewhere around here, I'm looking for a big white palace.
00:59:26Right, here we go.
00:59:29No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:59:38Ow.
00:59:40Stop it. Stop it.
00:59:45Oh, God.
00:59:48It's Hammond, bloody hell.
00:59:56Not again.
00:59:56Please tell me. Have I won?
01:00:03Wait a minute.
01:00:06Oh, Christ, look behind you.
01:00:10Oh, Jesus.
01:00:11Well, there we are. Proof that the car is...
01:00:20It's better.
01:00:20It's better.
01:00:21It's worth it.
01:00:22I'm afraid, even when it's comedically small, French and electric, it's still better.
01:00:26I've ruined my penis and £9,000 with a bicycle.
01:00:29Yep.
01:00:30I've just realised something.
01:00:31What?
01:00:32Three of us are here.
01:00:34Yeah.
01:00:34Oh, yeah, I completely forgot.
01:00:35Where is the Stig?
01:00:38Where is he?
01:00:39James May has restored the reputation of the car.
01:00:47James May has restored the reputation of the car.
01:01:01Yes.
01:01:02The thing is, though, if you don't want to drive around in a little filly shade with optional doors,
01:01:10you'll have to buy what came second, which, of course, was the hovercraft.
01:01:13Oh, no, hang on a minute. I would have won that by 20 minutes if I hadn't fallen off.
01:01:19Yes, but you did fall off. Twice, in fact.
01:01:21Yeah. Hammond, in an 18-mile journey, you consumed two bicycles.
01:01:26I did, yeah.
01:01:27Yes, all we learned from you is that you're a spanner,
01:01:31and it's difficult to draw any meaningful conclusions from the Stig's journey.
01:01:36So, in that whole film, we've learned absolutely nothing at all.
01:01:40And on that bombshell, it is time to end.
01:01:43Thank you so much for watching. See you again next week.
01:01:46Good night.
01:01:47Good night.
01:01:47Men in leggings. What would Jeremy...
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