- 3 months ago
The presenters convert airport vehicles into fire-engines and test them in a chaotic race at an airfield. Richard Hammond also takes the Renault Twingo 133 to Belfast for a hilarious and action-packed city test. Comedian Chris Evans joins as the Star in a Reasonably Priced Car.
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Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
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MotorTranscript
00:00:00Tonight, we drive down a sewer, we power slide across a field, and we do some other things as well.
00:00:20I can't see where I'm going.
00:00:21Thank you, everybody. Hello. Hello and welcome. Hello. Thank you. Thank you. Now, what do
00:00:36you suppose is the slowest means of transport in this day and age? Canal boat? James May.
00:00:44Getting a piggyback from James May, possibly. Turns out, though, the answer is air travel,
00:00:53as Richard Hammond explains. This is an airport. It's a place where you wait around a lot.
00:01:03But the waiting isn't just because of delayed planes. No, the problem runs deeper than that.
00:01:12Everything that moves at an airport just takes an H. The tug that drags the plane to the
00:01:17gate crawls like a snail. The bendy bus that ferries the passengers to the plane is deathly
00:01:23slow. The catering truck is always late. The fuel truck just meanders about with no sense
00:01:28of urgency. And as for that little thing that drags the luggage around in a big train, well,
00:01:32maybe that's the reason why you always have to wait for a year at the luggage carousel.
00:01:37The result? Misery. In fact, some youngsters who check in to fly somewhere on a school trip
00:01:43often die of old age in the departure lounge. And that's an actual fact. Time then for Top
00:01:50Gear to step in. And in the same way we solve the bendy bus issue, we shall tackle this problem
00:01:56through the crucible of motorsport. So let's begin by assembling a selection of typical airport
00:02:03vehicles. First up, the aircraft steps. Never there when you need them. Let's hope they can
00:02:11buck their ideas up a bit today. Then we have the thing that lugs the luggage around, complete
00:02:16with the luggage. The fuel tanker, heavy and full of stuff. Fuel. Next, the bendy bus that ferries
00:02:27the passengers around. We're already pretty familiar with those. Ah, the fire engine. Absolutely
00:02:34no excuse for tardiness for that one. And the catering truck. Always late, sometimes better
00:02:40if it didn't turn up at all. And finally, the heaviest beast of all, the aircraft tug.
00:02:47So, there we are. A group of machines that normally trundle around at a snail's pace. But just think
00:02:57how much faster the whole airport experience would be if we could speed things up. To show
00:03:04the airport bosses just what untapped potential these machines have, welcome to the inaugural Top
00:03:10Gear, various airport vehicles, motorsport challenge race. Challenge. Our venue for this groundbreaking
00:03:19event is London's Heathrow Airport, just outside London. Normally, it is a lot busier than this,
00:03:29but the people who run Heathrow closed it for the day. And they've moved all the jumbos and
00:03:35terminals off to the side. Had a shot. They have. That's what they've done. So, with that taken
00:03:43care of, all I need now are some drivers. Sadly, the airport grandstaff just won't cut the mustard.
00:03:50But guess who I ran into in Duty Free? Touring car legend Tom Chilton. Touring car legend Matt
00:04:00Matt Neal. Touring car legend Matt Jackson. Touring car legend Gordon Shedden. Touring car legend Anthony
00:04:14Reid. And finally, truck racing legend Stuart Oliver. The drivers climbed into their chosen machines,
00:04:25leaving me with the fire engine. I can't reach the switch. All of these vehicles have very different
00:04:39engines and what have you. And so, whichever one wins today is the vehicle we will be recommending.
00:04:45All future aircraft vehicles are based on, regardless of function or task.
00:04:55This is a pretty serious scientific experiment, so I have stressed to the other drivers in
00:04:59the strongest possible terms. Absolutely no body contact. Lots of air.
00:05:05vehicles are based on, regardless of what you're going to be doing.
00:05:06We are away. We are away. Well, that Patriot noise. I can't believe how that took off.
00:05:25Although the fire truck was incredibly noisy, on paper it had got winning potential. The audience
00:05:34was made largely of aluminium, like a Ferrari. It's got twin turbos, 725 horsepower.
00:05:41Yeah. On the miners' side, however, it was still a fire truck. I've got eight tonnes of water
00:05:52on me. That's not helping acceleration. Very soon, I was falling back. The catering trucks
00:06:02ahead of me. The fuel trucks ahead of me. Oh, no! I mean, what good would this be an emergency
00:06:09situation if the bloody catering truck gets there before the fire engine?
00:06:13And, predictably, with me out of the way, the touring car boys were ignoring my strict
00:06:19no-contact rule. If I was to get back in and restore order, I needed to act fast.
00:06:30There, that'll do. Aha! I can't see where I'm going. I can't see. I wonder what's happened
00:06:43to the world. But the crash diet did the trick. Now I'm back in the race in my lightweight
00:06:51fire truck superleggera. Yes! Unfortunately, the other drivers weren't impressed with the
00:06:58new track conditions. That's qualitative slap.
00:07:13I am making a bit of a mess of Heathrow. Several laps into the race, and no clear winner
00:07:26was emerging. The stairs in front of me now, well, they're a bit of an unknown quantity.
00:07:33Oh, my God! So, with great regret, I ordered the drivers to turn up the wig.
00:07:40Maximum runs!
00:07:50And pretty soon the results started to come, with the fuel tender taking a pretty serious
00:07:55kicking from the catering truck.
00:07:57The fuel money is out!
00:08:09We are doing this for you! Your next holiday, when it's a faster experience at the airport,
00:08:15it's because we did this for so.
00:08:22With just two laps to go, the 29-ton tug and the luggage trolley were at the back in a fight
00:08:28of their own. And following an accidental manoeuvre by me...
00:08:33The bendy bus was now crippled. Meaning it was now all down to me, the catering truck and the stairs.
00:08:46Correction, make that me. And the catering truck. Which, as we entered the final lap, had suddenly changed tactics.
00:09:00Whoa! What's he done with that?
00:09:03What he'd done with that was genius.
00:09:13That is very clever.
00:09:16The lightweight catering truck shot into the lead.
00:09:19Whoa!
00:09:21But the racing driver, being a racing driver, had forgotten about the laws of physics.
00:09:31That is the catering truck out of it!
00:09:33That is good news indeed!
00:09:40Ah! There you go!
00:09:43So, airports of the world, take note.
00:09:46From now on, all airport vehicles will be based on the fire engine.
00:09:52Which will be brilliant, as long as there isn't a fire.
00:10:02Excellent work.
00:10:04Excellent science, Doctor. Excellent science.
00:10:09More of that, please.
00:10:10Oh, more research.
00:10:12Now let's do the news.
00:10:14Yes, let's.
00:10:15Oh, yes.
00:10:17Every week, the Daily Mirror runs a story saying that we've done something unspeakable.
00:10:23You know, we've stolen all the army's helicopters, or we've accidentally clubbed an old lady to death with a baby seal.
00:10:30This week, okay, the story they chose to run with was this.
00:10:34Okay, here it is.
00:10:36Big story saying that homosexuals are banned from the Top Gear studio audience.
00:10:41Now, seriously, honestly, I've never read such rubbish in my life. Ever.
00:10:47Now, it is true, there'll be an even split of men and women in the audience.
00:10:52Otherwise, it's a little bit like the early days when we only got the Subaru owners club, and that's a bit grisly.
00:10:57But we do not actually insist that you sleep with the person you come to the studio with.
00:11:03No, I mean, often, you know, moneys come down with their sons, and we're not suggesting that, you know, that's...
00:11:09No, we're not.
00:11:10Everybody's welcome.
00:11:11Exactly.
00:11:12The truth is, we welcome homosexual couples.
00:11:15Yeah. We do.
00:11:16I mean, particularly like the lesbian sort.
00:11:18Oh, God.
00:11:20No, no, no, no, no.
00:11:22I saw a film about lesbians on the internet-wise.
00:11:25Oh, God.
00:11:28It looked very interesting.
00:11:31Now, BMW, okay, have made...
00:11:34They've made this.
00:11:35It's an M5 CSL, okay?
00:11:36It's got a carbon fiber roof.
00:11:38It's got a longer stroke engine, five and a half liters.
00:11:41580 horsepower.
00:11:42That is 20 seconds a lap faster around the Nürburgring than the standard M5.
00:11:48Wow.
00:11:49I know.
00:11:50The big wow is.
00:11:51Do you know what the big wow is?
00:11:52They're not going to make it.
00:11:53And that's weird to me.
00:11:54Why go to all that much trouble with a roof and an engine?
00:11:57If you're not going to make it, that's like sleeping with a woman when you don't want to have a baby.
00:12:03No, that doesn't work, does it?
00:12:04Oh.
00:12:05That's the worst metaphor ever.
00:12:06Yeah, you're on your own with that metaphor.
00:12:08Anyway, skipping over that, okay?
00:12:10The real reason I brought this up are these BMW racing colors.
00:12:13Because you don't see racing colors anymore in motor racing.
00:12:17You remember the Alitalia colors and the, what were the other ones?
00:12:21Martini.
00:12:22It's a very good point, this actually, because these days you get a white car,
00:12:24and then it just says something like Panasonic.
00:12:27Ugh.
00:12:28I think then those new teams coming into F1, they should choose their sponsors
00:12:31according to which sponsors are going to give them the best looking cars.
00:12:35That's, do you know, with the Sheffield team that we talked about,
00:12:38they could get sponsored by, well, a local band.
00:12:41The Human League!
00:12:42They could be, they could all have helmets that are shorter on one side than the other.
00:12:45Yeah.
00:12:46Because, you know, Tiki Mal Glock, he was working as a waiter in a cocktail bar.
00:12:51Yeah, but they don't want him.
00:12:53Yeah, but they picked him up and turned him around and turned him into something new.
00:12:57Yes, alright, enough 80s lyrics references.
00:13:01I know what would make an excellent sponsor for a motor racing team.
00:13:04If you say Morrisons, I'm going to stab you in the heart.
00:13:06No, I think after eight minutes, think about it,
00:13:11because there's that dark green with a little gold stripe on.
00:13:13Yeah?
00:13:14Imagine that on Aston Martin.
00:13:15Dark green.
00:13:16Because they race at Le Mans.
00:13:17Yeah.
00:13:1824 hours.
00:13:19So it would be after eight in an after eight car.
00:13:21That's a brilliant answer.
00:13:22Do that now.
00:13:23Make that happen.
00:13:24Do it.
00:13:25What about Cooper's Marmalade?
00:13:26Because you could have an orange racing car, but with bits in.
00:13:29What?
00:13:30You could have, uh, beef hula hoops.
00:13:33Bovril.
00:13:34Not Bovril.
00:13:35Bisto.
00:13:36Because then you could have that white thing down the car and it could say,
00:13:38ah, down the back of the room.
00:13:40James, you're just naming things you like and they're all brown.
00:13:44What would the James May's formula brown?
00:13:46Really brown?
00:13:47As soon as he's overtaking the cottage pie.
00:13:49Come on.
00:13:50What would you rather...
00:13:51Yes, but what would you rather have?
00:13:52Gravy overtakes pie, or the gombust bank overtakes the Japanese producer of consumer...
00:13:58Oh, he's got a point, actually.
00:13:59I'd rather watch gravy overtake pie.
00:14:00No, I'd rather watch that.
00:14:01I've just...
00:14:02Why have I got a vision of James May smearing himself in Marvel?
00:14:04Oh, my God!
00:14:05Now, hey, you know we're living in the most stupid country in the world?
00:14:11You have mentioned that every single week at about this time.
00:14:14Okay, get this, right.
00:14:15Now, it's the Royal Commission on Environmental Pollution is backing a recent call from the scientific journal Nature, okay?
00:14:22Suggesting that we should turn off all the street lights and drive around in darkness.
00:14:27Well, isn't that a bit dangerous?
00:14:29Yes.
00:14:30They actually say that if you turn the lights off, it will increase accidents and presumably deaths and casualties by 10%.
00:14:36But they say it's a price worth paying because it'll make life better for nocturnal creatures like bats and badgers and Patrick Moore.
00:14:45They say that too much light creates dark and shady areas where criminals can hide.
00:14:51Are they saying that light creates more dark and shady places than, for example, darkness?
00:14:58What are they talking about?
00:15:00There's a...
00:15:01No, honestly, I thought a good idea to find a picture of the scientist behind this, the professor behind this, so we could put a picture of him on the screen and we could all laugh at his beard.
00:15:08Turns out he doesn't have a beard.
00:15:10But I think he does have a problem with light because this is the only picture I could find.
00:15:15Oh, what's happened?
00:15:17He's a vampire.
00:15:18That's why he wants to make it dark so he can prey on us.
00:15:21He does.
00:15:22What do we need to get him?
00:15:23A wooden stake.
00:15:24A wooden stake.
00:15:25We need a wooden stake to drive through his Pringle jumper I think he's wearing.
00:15:29Hey, hey, hey, hey, listen.
00:15:32Do you want an Audi A4, okay, that's much more expensive and harder to park?
00:15:39Yes, I do.
00:15:40Good news.
00:15:41Because this week, okay, we've received news that there's a new Audi A8, okay?
00:15:46It's designed by a man called, er, Mick Dick.
00:15:49And I've got a...
00:15:50I've got...
00:15:51No, no, no.
00:15:52I've got the bump here, okay?
00:15:53Erm...
00:15:54Is there anything interesting to tell us about it?
00:15:57No.
00:15:58Well, what does it look like?
00:16:11No idea.
00:16:12This is the picture they sent, okay?
00:16:15It's under a cloth?
00:16:17Yes.
00:16:18And who's he?
00:16:19That's Mick Dick.
00:16:20Oh, that's him?
00:16:21Yeah.
00:16:22Best friends, as it turns out, of, er, Billy Willie.
00:16:24Yeah, they work for Bob Knob, you know.
00:16:27With Roger Todger.
00:16:29They were going to get it designed by the Scottish car designer, er, Jacques Cock.
00:16:35Actually, there was something interesting in here, okay?
00:16:39There was.
00:16:40Genuinely, right?
00:16:41Because what Audi has done is they've outlined what the A8 customer is, and they say,
00:16:45he's highly affluent, er, this, er, an average income of $500,000 a year, er, he is 58 years
00:16:55old, er, highly educated, er, mostly married.
00:17:00Mostly married?
00:17:01What is that?
00:17:02What, so he's sort of married, I don't know, down to there?
00:17:05But then this bit is separate.
00:17:06Yeah, it says he's got a few children still in the household.
00:17:09What, in the basement?
00:17:10Yeah, he's a kidnapper, is that the same?
00:17:12Is there anyone here who is 58 years old, on half a million dollars a year, with divorced
00:17:17shins and some children in the basement?
00:17:21Yeah.
00:17:22Oh dear, Mick Dick's cocked up.
00:17:25He's built a car for someone who doesn't exist.
00:17:30Yeah.
00:17:31So, let's move on.
00:17:32Er, you see, it doesn't matter what sort of a person you are, there is always a car to
00:17:38suit.
00:17:39If, for example, you're an air hostess, you can have an Audi TT.
00:17:43If you're a Freemason, you can have a Lexus.
00:17:46If you have huge ears with hair sprouting out of them, you can have a Peugeot 3008.
00:17:53But, what if you're mad?
00:17:56What if you can't walk past a window without being overcome with an uncontrollable need
00:18:01to lick it?
00:18:03There's never been a car to suit you.
00:18:06Until now.
00:18:07This is no ordinary BMW X5.
00:18:14This is an S&M X5.
00:18:17What they've done is taken the standard car and inserted under the bonnet a 555 horsepower,
00:18:244.4 litre, twin turbocharged V8.
00:18:28The results are as dramatic as putting a furious weasel in your underpants.
00:18:42A gallon of fuel gone there.
00:18:44There's another one gone.
00:18:46And another.
00:18:47This car would be less annoying to eco-mentalists if its engine ran on sliced dolphin.
00:18:53Still, it produces more power and more torque than a Ferrari 430 Scuder rear.
00:19:06So, despite the enormous weight, we're told that in a drag race, it should be able to make
00:19:12mincemeat out of most sports cars.
00:19:16That is a 5 litre, supercharged sports car.
00:19:31And it's winning.
00:19:34Yeah, there you go.
00:19:35Look, there's Usain Bolt watching John Prescott here.
00:19:38Contrary to the information we received.
00:19:41We weren't expecting that.
00:19:46We looked up some figures in the office and they suggested that this would win,
00:19:50and now it hasn't, and that's a bit embarrassing.
00:19:55The handling is equally surprising, but in a good way.
00:19:59It is remarkable that here I am, four miles high in the sky, driving a car that weighs slightly more than the centre of the earth,
00:20:18and it's fine.
00:20:19It's better than fine.
00:20:20I mean, it's not an M5, but for something like this, it's amazing.
00:20:24That, of course, is all great, but in a big 4x4 school bus, what's the point?
00:20:34I don't know what the world record is for the most amount of sick to come out of a child,
00:20:41but I reckon if you put a nine-year-old in the back of one of these and drove like this,
00:20:47I don't know how much torque is going to each wheel at any given moment.
00:21:04Can you imagine bringing that up on a first date?
00:21:08Have you seen this, my dear? Look at that!
00:21:11I reckon you'll be in there. Mm-mm.
00:21:15This, then, is a silly car.
00:21:17And also, it's not very good.
00:21:20The seats are hard and unsupportive.
00:21:23The ride on normal roads is very uncomfortable, if I'm honest.
00:21:27And I don't know about you, but I find this interior rather boring, apart from that, obviously, the torque thing.
00:21:34It's like sitting in someone's ear.
00:21:36What's more, because it's fast, it has fat tyres and firm suspension,
00:21:42and that's created another problem.
00:21:47What they've done is built a car that can sort of go off-road
00:21:51and then converted it so that now it can't anymore.
00:21:55Still, if you want one, get your nurse to find you a crayon
00:22:00and write out a cheque for £76,000.
00:22:05Or, if you don't understand how crayons work, you could spend even more on this rather ugly Audi.
00:22:15On the face of it, this Q7 appears to be quite sensible.
00:22:22Unlike the X5, it comes with seven seats which move about to suit your every need.
00:22:28And under the bonnet, there's a diesel engine.
00:22:31Sadly, however, it's not a diesel engine that makes any sense at all.
00:22:37You see, it's a six-litre, twin-turbo-charged V12 diesel.
00:22:45Now, I'm sorry, but the whole point of buying a diesel engine car is to save money.
00:22:52So, having a twin-turbo V12 diesel is like turning your central heating off at home
00:22:57and then keeping warm by burning Rembrandts.
00:23:00Still, at least you get a lot of torques.
00:23:03738 of them, in fact.
00:23:08That's 200 more than you get from a Zonda R.
00:23:130-60 takes five and a half seconds.
00:23:19Top speed is limited to 155 miles an hour.
00:23:25And it stops because it's got ceramic brakes on a diesel.
00:23:30But it's the go, really. That's the astonishing bit.
00:23:36I'm not kidding.
00:23:37This car could bump start a jumbo jet.
00:23:41But only if you fit it with a tow bar,
00:23:43which is an £830 option.
00:23:46And I don't know about you, but that seems a bit steep
00:23:49on a car which costs £96,000.
00:23:53Apart from the fact that these cars, with their mighty engines,
00:24:01have brought sunshine, where before there was rain,
00:24:04they are completely bonkers and pointless.
00:24:08However, happily, there is a third way of wasting your money.
00:24:13This new Range Rover is heavier than the Audi and the BMW,
00:24:25and slower and thirstier.
00:24:28And at £80,000, it's not exactly cheap either.
00:24:32But unlike its German rivals,
00:24:35it does still work when it's off-road.
00:24:38All this computer gubbins down here
00:24:50means that you can keep going
00:24:52when nature would rather you turned round and went home.
00:24:57A bit like now, really.
00:24:59And there's another thing.
00:25:00The buttons and switches in the BMW and the Audi
00:25:03are just taken out of normal saloon cars in the Range Rover
00:25:06they're big and chunky,
00:25:08so that you can use them while wearing gloves.
00:25:12Little things.
00:25:17What's more, the Range Rover is more majestic than the Germans,
00:25:20more dignified.
00:25:22It's way more comfortable too,
00:25:24and some of the toys that can be specified these days
00:25:27are just unbelievable.
00:25:36There are five cameras all around the car,
00:25:39and you can call up the images they're taking on the screen here.
00:25:43So there they are.
00:25:44Then you choose which ones you want to enlarge.
00:25:46So I'll take that one looking front left,
00:25:48that one looking backwards.
00:25:50Push enlarge.
00:25:51There we are.
00:25:52So here we go now.
00:25:54We're coming up to the Hammerhead, going the wrong way.
00:25:57Let's have the forward view there.
00:25:59Now let's see how well I clip the apex on that.
00:26:03Oh, yes.
00:26:04Looking good.
00:26:05There it is.
00:26:06There are the red and white lines.
00:26:08Now, here we go.
00:26:09Let's switch to the rear camera as we power down the main straight.
00:26:14You know what?
00:26:15We don't really need a film crew or a director to make Top Gear anymore.
00:26:20In fact, I think I'm going to run them down.
00:26:23Yes, I am.
00:26:24Run!
00:26:25This has become a snuff movie.
00:26:28Before you write in to complain, I should explain that what I'm doing now
00:26:31is saving your license fee on expensive crews.
00:26:38We don't need them.
00:26:39But I can do it all here myself.
00:26:41Come here.
00:26:42You're just an expensive waste of time now.
00:26:45We don't need you anymore.
00:26:50Mind you, some of the features on this new model are not so good.
00:26:59These days, the grille is way too Cheshire,
00:27:01and even the gills now have their own annoying styling details.
00:27:09But the biggest problem, in this version at least, is the engine.
00:27:13In essence, it's the same 5 litre supercharged V8 that you get in a Jag these days.
00:27:20And that's jolly nice if you live in Houston or Abu Dhabi
00:27:24or somewhere else where petrol is cheap.
00:27:27But here,
00:27:30I'm the world's biggest Range Rover fan.
00:27:33But I have to admit that this engine in Britain makes no sense at all.
00:27:44I'd buy the diesel-engined Range Rover in a heartbeat.
00:27:48But with a massive petrol engine, this is like the other cars here.
00:27:56Really rather ridiculous.
00:28:03Oh, my.
00:28:04Oh, my.
00:28:06I...
00:28:07I hate to say it, but I agree with you.
00:28:09Do you?
00:28:10I do. No, you're not.
00:28:11About what?
00:28:12Because the diesel-the diesel Range Rover is just fabulous.
00:28:16Because, well, it's just like the petrol Range Rover,
00:28:18but actually the diesel makes a better noise.
00:28:20It does.
00:28:21Incredibly.
00:28:22And you only have to stop and fill it up every 500 miles rather than every 500 yards.
00:28:26No question.
00:28:27You see, the thing is, if you get the diesel,
00:28:28you still get that amazing screen that allows you to make movies.
00:28:33But there's so much more to it than that.
00:28:36For obvious reasons, you can't watch a DVD while you're driving along, for example, okay?
00:28:42But if we look at this, okay, the passenger here is looking at a DVD.
00:28:47Yes? You can see that.
00:28:49But if we look at the screen from where I'm sitting, it's satellite navigation.
00:28:53Same screen, look at this, I see sat-nav where the passenger is sitting, they can see a DVD.
00:29:01On the same screen, I'm sorry, come back again, look, sat-nav.
00:29:05This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen in my life.
00:29:09And it doesn't end there either, does it?
00:29:11Because those cameras you were talking about.
00:29:12Oh, no, no, no, you well remembered, I'd forgotten.
00:29:15Look at this.
00:29:16Yeah, so you can see, okay.
00:29:17We zoom in.
00:29:18Oh, wow!
00:29:19Zoom in like this.
00:29:20So we zoom in, and then you can move it up.
00:29:22You can actually move it up.
00:29:23That is...
00:29:24Look at that!
00:29:25It's Lichcam!
00:29:26That's brilliant!
00:29:27It's per vision!
00:29:28Who invented that?
00:29:29That is per vision!
00:29:30Oh, yes!
00:29:31That is just genius!
00:29:32Would you like to go around the back?
00:29:33Sorry, mate.
00:29:34Oh, yes, the camera's at the back.
00:29:35Look at the back, look at the back.
00:29:36Zoom in.
00:29:37In.
00:29:38In.
00:29:39In.
00:29:40No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
00:29:41No, look what you've done!
00:29:42I'm sorry!
00:29:43That's disgusting!
00:29:44Sorry!
00:29:45Now look.
00:29:46He looks like a Mekong!
00:29:47That's a disappointment.
00:29:48If you two could just stop mucking around for a minute, I've got quite a serious point
00:29:49to make over here.
00:29:51If you want to spend more money on your Range Rover, for Pete's sake, don't spend it trying
00:30:07to make it go faster, because you'll ruin it.
00:30:11Instead, why not spend it on making it a bit more luxurious?
00:30:14Now, a company called Overfinch has collaborated with Holland and Holland, the gun makers, to
00:30:21produce this.
00:30:22Yeah.
00:30:23Now, it's still a Range Rover, so inside you've got the clever, amazing witchcraft screen and
00:30:27everything, but a bit more.
00:30:28So, for instance, this wood here, you've got this marquetry work in it.
00:30:32Lovely.
00:30:33And then these panels on the steering wheel, you can have these custom engraved to match
00:30:38your own shotguns, obviously.
00:30:40Now, the leather is the stuff they use on the very finest business jets.
00:30:45And in the back, you do lose a seat, but instead, you get this piece of furniture from the bedroom
00:30:50of Louis XIV.
00:30:51More exquisite marquetry.
00:30:52In here, there is some nice cut glass.
00:30:55And down here, there is a refrigerator.
00:30:59And it is a refrigerator, not merely a slightly chilly cubbyhole.
00:31:03The cost of all this is £139,000.
00:31:09Now, that is a lot of money, but then this car does come with the best optional extra ever
00:31:16fitted to any car in the whole of human history, I think I'm right in saying?
00:31:20Yeah, yeah, there you're right.
00:31:21Yes, it is.
00:31:22OK, it's this chest here in the back.
00:31:24In this drawer here, we find, OK, there is space for your gun.
00:31:30This particular gun in this one, get a brace of these, they actually cost more than the car does.
00:31:36No, seriously.
00:31:37OK, so that's the guns, right, on this side.
00:31:39And what goes with guns?
00:31:41You're right, drink.
00:31:43And so, in here, we find the glasses, the vodka, the whiskey, obviously the champagne.
00:31:50Paul Roger is in the fridge in the car itself.
00:31:53And here is the really amazing bit.
00:31:56This is what's called a self-replanishing drinks cabinet.
00:32:00For the first year you own the car, when your drink supplies are getting low, they come round and top them up free of charge.
00:32:08Wow!
00:32:09Wow!
00:32:10Do I have to buy the car, or can I just have the self-replanishing drinks?
00:32:15Honestly, I tell you what, if I bought this car, the diesel in the tank after one year would be exactly the same as it was when it came.
00:32:21It would still be in the same field.
00:32:23I tried drinking the diesel, but then the man arrived with more champagne.
00:32:26I just won't want to know.
00:32:28No, it is.
00:32:29I mean, really and truthfully, this is the car to buy, if you are sensible.
00:32:34Or if you're drunk.
00:32:37But, if you are insane, you will doubtless now want to know how fast the BMW, S&M, X, whatever it is, and the Audi V12 diesel go round our track.
00:32:47And that, of course, means handing them over to our tame racing driver.
00:32:51Some say that the drinks cabinet in his car contains 14 different types of custard.
00:33:00And that while he has been known to leave his house in a bit of a hurry, he's never once hit a fire hydrant.
00:33:09All we know is caught the steg.
00:33:12And they're off, lumbering down to the first corner like two fat rhinos in trainers.
00:33:18They're beginning to forget what our track looks like in the dry.
00:33:21Still, at least these silly cars have four-wheel drive to help them along.
00:33:26Oh dear, that's not very interesting as they go round the first corner there.
00:33:29They're still enjoying the sound of Barbara Windsor's wedding.
00:33:38Howdy there.
00:33:39Look, he's getting all out of shape in Chicago.
00:33:42Oh, and now he's heading down to the Hammerhead.
00:33:45Triggered the hazards under heavy braking.
00:33:47That Q7 is really not happy.
00:33:49X5 a little more composed.
00:33:52Although, of course, if you really wanted composed, obviously you'd be better off in the M5 saloon.
00:34:01In to follow through, a chance for them to use their big power to give the laws of physics a bloody nose.
00:34:07Thundering past the tyres.
00:34:09Obviously now two corners left.
00:34:11Audi still flashing away.
00:34:13BMW getting sideways there.
00:34:15Just Gambon left.
00:34:17Here it comes.
00:34:18BMW very sideways.
00:34:20Steady on sneak.
00:34:21And across the line.
00:34:23Well, here we are.
00:34:25Here we are.
00:34:28Stand by to receive the two most not interesting facts in the history of British television.
00:34:34The Audi Q7 V12 diesel did it in 1.333.
00:34:39So that's down there.
00:34:41And the BMW X5M did it in 1.282.
00:34:46So there we are.
00:34:47Not interesting.
00:34:49And now it is time to put a star in our reasonably priced car.
00:34:53My guest tonight is best known for his Cockney gangster movies such as Snatch and Rock and Roller and Lock and Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.
00:35:04So, everybody, open your mince pies.
00:35:08Put your Bobby Sands together.
00:35:11And let's have a rousing round of saws, saws, running, postulating saws for Guy Ritchie!
00:35:19All right.
00:35:20How are you?
00:35:21How are you?
00:35:23How are you?
00:35:24How are you?
00:35:26How are you?
00:35:27How are you?
00:35:28How are you?
00:35:29How are you?
00:35:30Have a seat.
00:35:31More at that moment.
00:35:33Thank you very much.
00:35:34That is a big welcome.
00:35:35Now, I was fascinated when you arrived here this morning when a lot of guests say the same thing.
00:35:41Is it possible to turn the car over?
00:35:44Because they need to be assured that no, it isn't.
00:35:47And then Guy said, no, because I really want to.
00:35:50Well, I had a go.
00:35:52Would anybody like to see some of Guy's practices, okay?
00:35:56Yes!
00:35:57Just early on, this is Guy practicing for his lap.
00:36:01Here we go.
00:36:02Now, this is the second to last.
00:36:03You've still got the stick in the car here, so that's...
00:36:06You see, look how wet that is.
00:36:09That's unbelievable.
00:36:11Oh, oh, oh, oh, hey!
00:36:14Look at that!
00:36:16We can now plant crops, though, after that.
00:36:20Now, obviously, I'm sorry about this.
00:36:22I'm sure a lot of people are going to expect a lot of tittle-tattle about Madonna.
00:36:26Can I just say, this isn't loose women.
00:36:29So, there'll be none of that.
00:36:31This is Top Gear, and I'm more interested in your love of winching.
00:36:35No, I'm not kidding, okay?
00:36:37You like, what's it called, off-green laning, off-roading?
00:36:40Green laning and a bit of winching.
00:36:41There's nothing like a good winch.
00:36:43But, as you know, it's a thing.
00:36:45I mean, it's quite a nerdy undertaking.
00:36:47No, no, but there is, because there are people who deliberately get stuck.
00:36:53Don't tell me you're one of those.
00:36:54So, you winch yourself, you do, don't you?
00:36:55I mean, if you're into winching, you get stuck.
00:36:58And so then you can get out and winch yourself out.
00:37:00Yeah, well, if you don't get stuck, you can't winch, so you deliberately look to get stuck.
00:37:03I just find out fascinating, because what's the big appeal of winching a car?
00:37:08It doesn't make any sense at all.
00:37:09Why should you want to get a car stuck and then get it out?
00:37:11But I've got to tell you, it's a lot of fun.
00:37:15I can't believe I'm talking so much about winching.
00:37:17Um, now, what do you drive?
00:37:20No, actually, I know what you drive. You don't have a van.
00:37:22I've got a van.
00:37:23Why have you got a van?
00:37:24I love vans. I used to be a van driver.
00:37:26Richie's removals, it was.
00:37:29Well, I wasn't good at Richie's removals.
00:37:31It didn't work, particularly as a business.
00:37:33We've been under a few low bridges and taken a few hundred-thousand-pound tables out as we went under the low bridges.
00:37:39How do you explain that to the poor, unfortunate souls waiting at home for their...
00:37:42You have to be very creative, hence I became a filmmaker.
00:37:45But you maintained the love of vans.
00:37:49Love of van, yeah.
00:37:50And you now have a Mercedes Sprinter.
00:37:52Yes, I do.
00:37:53Is it just a normal van?
00:37:54No, it's been kitted out a bit in the back.
00:37:56We've got two 42-inch screens in the back of it.
00:37:59And it's, uh, cushy.
00:38:03No, it's pretty comfy.
00:38:04I mean, you just get so much bang for your buck with a van.
00:38:07You know, how much is a Rolls-Royce Phantom?
00:38:09250,000.
00:38:10Okay, well, this was 20 grand. We got it second-hand.
00:38:12We spent 40 grand in the back, 60 grand.
00:38:14I can tell you it's a lot more comfortable than the Phantom.
00:38:16Really?
00:38:17Yeah.
00:38:18Have you done the outside, the A-Team thing with the big wheels and...
00:38:21No, no, it looks like a builder's van.
00:38:23Have you got no tools left in this overnight?
00:38:26There's lots of tools left in it overnight.
00:38:30Um, so what do you actually drive when you're not driving your van?
00:38:35Got the Range Rover, got the Range Rover outside.
00:38:38Yeah.
00:38:39Uh, Q7, got an Audi Q7.
00:38:41I've got to tell you, everyone loves that.
00:38:43Well, is that me?
00:38:44Well, okay.
00:38:45What do you know about cars, anyway?
00:38:47Not much, actually.
00:38:49I live on a bicycle.
00:38:50That's the irony.
00:38:51I live in central London, and probably 90% of my travelling is done on a bicycle.
00:38:55I love bicycles.
00:38:56I think bicycles...
00:38:57I shouldn't imagine you like bicycles very much.
00:38:59You look good on a bicycle, though.
00:39:00No, I wouldn't.
00:39:01Well, Penny Farthing, maybe.
00:39:02I was being sarcastic, actually.
00:39:03Actually, I nearly tried to kill a Frenchman on a bicycle the other day.
00:39:08He got so much rain on his spectacles, you couldn't see where he was going.
00:39:12And then he banged on my car.
00:39:13Well, that was it.
00:39:15How did you know he's French?
00:39:17Because he was speaking like an idiot.
00:39:19That is how I hear his French.
00:39:22Now, you've got no cars, obviously, in your new movie, Sherlock Holmes.
00:39:26So tell us a bit about it.
00:39:28I wanted to do a bigger movie than any movie I've done before.
00:39:31And it seemed like a sort of natural segue from going from smaller British gangster kind of things
00:39:36to doing something kind of big-ish.
00:39:38But I wanted to keep the identity English.
00:39:40And there is no greater icon, I suppose, than Sherlock Holmes.
00:39:44But you've got Robert Downey Jr. as Sherlock.
00:39:47Yeah, he's got a very good British accent.
00:39:48Has he?
00:39:49Very good. Better than mine.
00:39:50Oh, brilliant. Well, look, we've got a clip. Let's have a look.
00:39:52Very good.
00:39:53We'll put it on.
00:39:54I have a request.
00:39:55Someone I want to see.
00:39:58Sherlock Holmes.
00:40:01You and I are bound together on a journey that will twist the very fabric of nature.
00:40:05Allow me to enlighten you.
00:40:07Tomorrow, the world as you know it will end.
00:40:10Where?
00:40:11There isn't any time to waste, then.
00:40:13Is there?
00:40:14It does make a considerable difference to me, having someone with me on whom I can thoroughly
00:40:23rely on.
00:40:24Always nice to see what's in mind.
00:40:27Oh, yeah.
00:40:28That is big budget.
00:40:31Is that CGI?
00:40:32Some of it.
00:40:34That's a big budget thing going on right there.
00:40:36And I see what you mean about his accent.
00:40:38Oh, yeah.
00:40:39No, it's pretty good.
00:40:40You can see we had deeper pockets on this one.
00:40:41When's that coming out?
00:40:42Boxing Day in the UK.
00:40:43Christmas Day everywhere else in the world.
00:40:45Why isn't it out on Christmas Day here?
00:40:47Because everyone's stuffing their face with turkey in the UK.
00:40:51So, these days, you're Republican.
00:40:54I have a pub.
00:40:55You have a pub in...
00:40:57In Mayfair.
00:40:58Actually, I have to tell everyone a story.
00:40:59Do you mind, Guy?
00:41:00Please.
00:41:01This is back in the Fulham days.
00:41:03I used to go to this place on the ones with Bridge Road, okay?
00:41:06Get there before 10.
00:41:07Guaranteed lock-in.
00:41:08Then one day, a new manager started at this place.
00:41:11Yeah?
00:41:12A new manager, no more lock-ins.
00:41:13Out.
00:41:14Get lost.
00:41:1520 years later, I was walking down the Fulham Road, and I ran into the original barman,
00:41:19now a security guard, outside a hospital.
00:41:21So, I said, what happened to that bolshie bastard that came and took over from you?
00:41:25He said, I'll tell you what happened to him.
00:41:26He married Madonna.
00:41:28You stopped us having...
00:41:30You stopped us having...
00:41:31You stopped us having...
00:41:33I bet I've died today.
00:41:34Joe's Brasserie.
00:41:36Did you come and work as manager there?
00:41:39Well, it was either me or Sean Penn, and I don't think Sean Penn worked in Joe's Brasserie.
00:41:44Now, obviously, you came down here to do your lap.
00:41:47We've already established, quite wet.
00:41:50I mean, the wettest we've ever had.
00:41:52But nevertheless, who would like to see Guy's lap?
00:41:56Yeah!
00:41:57Come on, Guy, let's have a look.
00:41:59Now, it's soaking wet, and you can't cut the corners.
00:42:03This is the important thing.
00:42:05Oh, come on, son.
00:42:06Whoa!
00:42:07Okay, there's the first corner.
00:42:11No suicidal tendencies into it, but plenty coming out.
00:42:18That's quite a poo, actually.
00:42:21We're off the road a bit there.
00:42:25That's looking very neat and tidy.
00:42:26That's good, that's good.
00:42:28This is raining, lads, by the way.
00:42:29I don't know if anyone noticed, but it's quite undersea, I think.
00:42:33The water's streaming down the windows.
00:42:35Hammerhead.
00:42:36Did they put cones out for you today?
00:42:38No, they didn't bother.
00:42:39Only last week we had that for Chris Evans, just Radio 2 DJs getting that.
00:42:42Again, that looks neat and tidy and good.
00:42:45I've got to tell you, this is not easy, chaps.
00:42:48Now, this is, that's the follow-through, nicely done.
00:42:53Now, I'm into fourth about now.
00:43:00Second to last corner, can't cut that.
00:43:03Is it going to be good?
00:43:04No, that was, well, you kissed the apex, which is exactly right.
00:43:07Can't touch the grass here.
00:43:11I have touched it there and across the line!
00:43:15Now, that looked good.
00:43:16That looked good because it didn't look as mad as the practice stuff.
00:43:24What's that?
00:43:25You're leaning forwards.
00:43:26What does that mean?
00:43:27It is.
00:43:28It's a sign.
00:43:29Every week, everybody comes on and they've been really relaxed and it gets to the time.
00:43:33I'm not bothered.
00:43:36Well, I shouldn't be bothered because I know I did a pretty appalling performance.
00:43:41No.
00:43:42Yes.
00:43:43But the thing is, is that conditions were dreadful.
00:43:47No question about that.
00:43:48No idea how fast it had gone in the dry, but I can tell you, Guy Ritchie, in the wet,
00:43:52you did it in one, 50, 2.5.
00:43:58Which means, I'll give you a very wet, you go...
00:44:02Oh, that's bad.
00:44:07Between Tom Jones and Helen Mirren.
00:44:11Not bad.
00:44:12So how many cars did you go through doing that?
00:44:15I went through four cars today.
00:44:16Four?
00:44:17Yeah.
00:44:18Four tyres.
00:44:19So it punctures.
00:44:20And a gearbox.
00:44:21And a gearbox.
00:44:22Yeah.
00:44:24That is a new record.
00:44:26And now we can end on a record, ladies and gentlemen.
00:44:28Guy Ritchie.
00:44:29Yes.
00:44:30Yes.
00:44:31Right.
00:44:32That's good.
00:44:33You're welcome for this guy.
00:44:34They're welcome for this guy.
00:44:41Bad news.
00:44:42Bad news.
00:44:43We've had another letter from Mr. Needham, I shall read it out.
00:44:47Dear so-called Top Gear,
00:44:49last year I asked if you had forgotten how to do normal road tests on your so-called television show,
00:44:55and you responded with an idiotic feature in which a Ford Fiesta was driven at high speed through a shopping centre
00:45:00and then off a Royal Marines landing craft into the sea.
00:45:03It was, actually.
00:45:04Well done, Jeremy.
00:45:05So I ask again, will you please do a normal test in which the concerns of the average viewer are addressed?
00:45:10Yours sincerely, Mr Needham, Belfast.
00:45:13We all thought, yeah, fair enough, we must respond.
00:45:15And then Jeremy stepped into the breach again.
00:45:21To get Mr Needham off my back, I've actually come to the city where he lives.
00:45:28Belfast.
00:45:33And this is the car I'll be testing.
00:45:37Renault's sporty little Twingo 133.
00:45:45Unfortunately, on the way over here yesterday, I caught a cold.
00:45:50Well, when I say cold, it's actually gangrene of my lungs.
00:45:55But, I'm a man, so I should simply...
00:45:59Excuse me.
00:46:01Soldier on.
00:46:04Has anyone got any knowledge, nurse?
00:46:05Oh, yes.
00:46:14I should say so.
00:46:16I've always loved small, hot hatchbacks.
00:46:20And this is one of the best.
00:46:22It's so nimble and agile, it's like driving a mosquito.
00:46:30Not literally, of course, Mr Needham.
00:46:33It's impossible to drive an insect and cruel to even try.
00:46:39It's pretty quick, too.
00:46:41Thanks to a Revee 1.6-litre engine, it can get from 0 to 60 in 8.7 seconds.
00:46:47And on to a top speed of 125.
00:46:52But, is it faster than its big rival?
00:46:56The Fiat 500 above.
00:47:01Tell you what.
00:47:04Let's find out.
00:47:11We're used in the start.
00:47:17No.
00:47:27Very, is the simple answer.
00:47:29Even if you drive with veuve and gusto, you should still average 40 miles to the gallon.
00:47:36However, that said, the Fiat 500 a bath will average 43 miles to the gallon.
00:47:47Simple.
00:47:49The Renault is £1,000 cheaper, and you can have one now.
00:47:54The waiting list for an abarth stretches into 2010.
00:47:58And I shall be dead by then.
00:48:01In fact, the way I'm feeling, I'll probably be dead by 5.30.
00:48:04But I'm not making a fuss, I'm just making a point.
00:48:08Soldiering on.
00:48:10On your behalf, Mr Needham.
00:48:11No, it's red.
00:48:27Sorry, what was the question?
00:48:33In a nutshell, yes.
00:48:34If you buy the standard £12,200 car, it's really not bad at all.
00:48:41But the car I have here has what Renault call the Cup chassis.
00:48:46It's a £650 option, which gives you firmer suspension, ultra-low-profile tyres and 17-inch wheels.
00:48:54On a track, that's marvellous.
00:48:56But on a normal road, it is extremely firm.
00:49:02And the result is that on some bumps, the jolt is so bad that your lungs can come off.
00:49:09You like that one?
00:49:12Is this thorough enough for you, Mr Needham?
00:49:14I hope so.
00:49:15Well, it's got a radio, air-conditioning, electric windows and electric door mirrors.
00:49:25But I'm afraid to say, no parachute system.
00:49:33So, if you wake up one morning to find that someone has put your car on top of a Harland and Wolf crane,
00:49:40you're never going to get it down again.
00:49:43Bad mark for Renault there.
00:49:45You would be amazed how often I get asked that question.
00:49:57So, to get an answer, I've come to the network of sewage tunnels underneath Belfast.
00:50:02And obviously, for the next few minutes, we've asked the people in the city to cross their legs.
00:50:09Oh, God.
00:50:10I've considered the diameter of the tunnel, the car's centre of gravity, everything.
00:50:36And I've worked out the precise speed I need to be going is 17 and a half metres per second.
00:50:43I just wish I knew what that was in miles an hour, because that's what I'm getting on the speeder.
00:50:47I think it's about 37.
00:50:5437 miles an hour.
00:50:55There we are.
00:50:56It's roughly there.
00:50:57And here we go.
00:50:58If this goes wrong, I really am in a world of s***.
00:51:07Here we go!
00:51:11There we go!
00:51:12There we go!
00:51:13Yes!
00:51:14Yes!
00:51:15Yes!
00:51:16Yes!
00:51:17Yes!
00:51:18Yes!
00:51:19Yes!
00:51:20Yes!
00:51:21Yes!
00:51:22There you are, Mr Needham.
00:51:23If you're looking to drive upside down through the tunnels of Belfast, Twingo 133, absolutely ideal.
00:51:30Obviously, it's not a very large car, but if you push those rear seats all the way back, there is enough room back there for children.
00:51:45And then, if you pull them all the way forwards, there is enough space in the boot for Ross Kemp.
00:51:52So, Ross, are you okay in there?
00:51:55A bit of a squeeze, but quite comfy.
00:51:57Quite comfy.
00:51:58Good.
00:51:59Good mark for Renault there.
00:52:05Obviously, we keep being told that global warming is coming, and that soon we won't have a winter to worry about.
00:52:12But we do now.
00:52:23That's why I've come to a little slice of ice at the Odyssey Arena.
00:52:31In theory, this should be quite good, because in a front-wheel drive car, the heavy engine is pressing down on the driven wheels, giving you better grip, better traction.
00:52:42Here we go!
00:52:43A lot of revs, first gear, 5,000, 4,000.
00:52:4929, 30, 46, 107 registered there.
00:52:57133 malls an hour there.
00:53:00That is quick on ice.
00:53:04Now, in a lot of cars, the anti-lock braking system doesn't work on snow or ice.
00:53:09So, let's just see how it is in the Twingo.
00:53:12And...
00:53:14Brake!
00:53:17Don't know why I'm looking at my watch.
00:53:18It's got no second hand.
00:53:21That was a long time.
00:53:26Oh, no, no. Look, the ice hockey players are here and they want to come on.
00:53:28Sorry.
00:53:29Yeah, no, I know.
00:53:30Sorry.
00:53:31I'll get off.
00:53:32I'm really sorry.
00:53:33I am trying to leave.
00:53:34I am.
00:53:35Just bear with me.
00:53:37This was harder than you might imagine.
00:53:40There's the exit.
00:53:43No, I'm not going to make that.
00:53:44Not going to make it.
00:53:45It's just going to hit the wall.
00:53:46It's bad.
00:53:47Mustn't hit the wall.
00:53:49Right.
00:53:50Hair off.
00:53:52Sadly, the ice hockey players wouldn't wait anymore.
00:54:01We're playing a bloody game!
00:54:04What was that?
00:54:06What?
00:54:07He just pushed me.
00:54:17Eventually, this ended badly.
00:54:22Oh, my God, I hit him.
00:54:23That's astonishing.
00:54:24There isn't a mark on it.
00:54:25And since the skater seems to be okay, we have to say the Twingo scores well for pedestrian safety.
00:54:41Especially if the pedestrian you hit is dressed up like that.
00:54:44We've all been there.
00:54:45Lost in a shipyard.
00:54:46Your biorhythms are wrong.
00:54:47You're feeling under the weather.
00:54:48Just not concentrating quite as hard as you should be.
00:55:03And the next thing you know is just one of those days where your judgment's out and you think, yeah, I can go through that.
00:55:12And then it turns out, you know, you just can't.
00:55:17All right.
00:55:18Let's go.
00:55:23All right.
00:55:24You may say that you would never drive a car when you were feeling under the weather,
00:55:28but even if you are that responsible, the day will still come when you pull up at a junction,
00:55:34and while you're checking to make sure nothing's coming, you will be hit up the backside by Blind Jack the Milkman.
00:55:46That really hurt.
00:55:49And then, of course, the day will come when you lend your car to your 17-year-old son.
00:55:53And he's going to be driving along in it, and he will think,
00:55:56hmm, if I pull this handbrake lever, all my girlfriend's clothes will fall off.
00:56:02Of course, we know that doesn't happen.
00:56:05We know that what actually happens when you pull the handbrake lever is this.
00:56:12Jeremy, that f***ing hurt. Thank you very much.
00:56:17This is one of the joys of the hot hatch.
00:56:20There is much fun to drive as supercars, but you can get Ross Kemp in the boot,
00:56:25and they don't cost a fortune to repair.
00:56:29The front wing, for example, for a Renault Twingo, £66.
00:56:33The front wing for a Lamborghini, £2,430.
00:56:48We've all been in this situation.
00:56:50The boat!
00:56:51It's still here, and I can make it.
00:56:56Come on.
00:56:58Being late for a ferry can drive a man mad.
00:57:01Well, there'll be a Peter.
00:57:05You forget there's going to be another ferry later on.
00:57:08No, there isn't!
00:57:09This is the last ferry ever.
00:57:11I must catch it!
00:57:12Catch it!
00:57:20The thing is though, this little Twingo could just be the ideal car for the job.
00:57:25Ugh, that's not gone well.
00:57:33A theatre bath may be more fun to own, more fun to look at, but this, with the cut chassis, is sharper.
00:57:48It's a very, very good little car, this.
00:58:07Handbrake.
00:58:08Oh, I've overdone it!
00:58:09I've done it!
00:58:27Just because it's left, does not mean I'm going to give in.
00:58:35How hard can it be?
00:58:36When I get out of here, I'm going to hurt you.
00:58:38Here we go.
00:58:39Oh.
00:58:49Oh my God!
00:58:52Oh no!
00:58:54Yeah!
00:58:55Ah!
00:59:08what was that
00:59:11that was like an acid trick
00:59:13it was just mad
00:59:15what was going on
00:59:16I mean seriously
00:59:18how much night nurse
00:59:21did you take before you did that film
00:59:23well a lot but not so much
00:59:25that I wasn't able to work out that
00:59:27that car it's just
00:59:29brilliant
00:59:29it was a brilliant car
00:59:32because where is it now
00:59:34I don't know where it is it's at the bottom of the sea
00:59:37Jeremy as a test that was rubbish
00:59:39I had a cold
00:59:40I didn't make a fuss I just got on with it
00:59:43okay but the important thing is
00:59:44I survived
00:59:46what about Ross Kemp
00:59:47no
00:59:47sadly he didn't make it
00:59:51and that really is a bombshell
00:59:53that we can end on this week
00:59:55oh before we go
00:59:56one more thing obviously the first three programmes
00:59:59of this series went out at 9 o'clock rather than 8
01:00:01tonight we started at 8.30
01:00:04so does anyone want to guess what time we're on next week
01:00:06no no no no we're actually not on at all
01:00:09for reasons we literally don't understand
01:00:12but we are back the week after that
01:00:14at whatever time the Beeb can squeeze us in
01:00:17no matter
01:00:18thank you very much for watching tonight
01:00:20take very good care
01:00:21good night
01:00:21thank you so much for watching tonight
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