- 2 days ago
In Episode 5, Jeremy reviews the brutal Jaguar XKR-S, a 600-horsepower British muscle car designed for the track. The team also competes in a hot hatch challenge featuring the Renaultsport Clio RS, Citroën DS3 Racing, and Fiat 500 Abarth Esseesse to find Britain’s best city performance car. Guest Simon Pegg joins for a fast lap and some classic banter.
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Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
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MotorTranscript
00:00Tonight, I talk to a man in sunglasses, James draws a square on a wall, and Richard plays
00:21with a soldier's chopper.
00:30Hello, good evening, thank you so much, thank you, thank you everybody, thank you.
00:37Now, in the 60s and 70s, the TV schedules were awash with detective shows like The Baron,
00:47Department S, The Protectors, The Persuaders, The Saint, The Avengers, you have no idea
00:53what I'm talking about here.
00:54Let me explain, they were all basically the same, okay, every week, a good looking man
00:58would run into a swanky hotel, punch a swarthy looking man in the fez, and then go to bed
01:04with a pretty lady.
01:05Anyone here old enough to remember that?
01:08Yeah, you, exactly.
01:10The only difference was the cars they all drove, okay?
01:14This is Brett Sinclair, Aston Martin, DBS, Steed had a broad speed tuned Jag, and there
01:20is The Saint with his Volvo P1800.
01:23Now, the interesting thing is that almost none of them ever drove the Jensen Interceptor,
01:29and I think there's a very good reason for that.
01:37It looks fantastic, but it was built very badly by people who didn't seem to care what
01:43they were doing.
01:48Let me give you one example.
01:51When the people on the Jensen production line needed a new steering rack, they'd go to the
01:54steering rack factory and buy one, often without bothering to check what car it was for.
02:01Some Interceptors were apparently sold fitted with steering racks designed for the Triumph
02:06Stag.
02:07That, then, is why it wasn't very popular with the TV heroes of yesteryear.
02:15It would never have worked properly.
02:18Now, though, a small company based here in the lungs of England has launched an updated version.
02:28It does.
02:29In the old car, the big Chrysler engine turned petrol into noise, but very little power was
02:45produced on the way, so they've taken that engine out and thrown it away.
02:53In its place, there's a 6.2-litre V8 from the modern-day Corvette.
02:58The rear suspension is modern, too, as are the brakes.
03:02But, critically, the body, that glorious Italian styling, that's untouched, and it still has
03:09the best name ever put on a car, Interceptor.
03:16So, what we have here, then, is much the same as that house over there.
03:24It's old and it's beautiful, but it has central heating.
03:27It has all the appurtenances of modern living.
03:31And unlike that modern-day e-type we looked at the other day, this doesn't cost £500,000.
03:37This is £112,000.
03:38I know that's a lot if you're on benefits, but it's not a lot if you're on Elton John.
03:45I mean, if you are Elton John.
03:48And it's really not a lot when you see what this car can do.
03:56Thanks to 429 horsepower, 0-60 is dealt with in 4.5 seconds, and the top speed is 167.
04:07It goes, then, like that other Interceptor from the period, the English Electric Lightning.
04:15However, it is as thirsty as the jet and as noisy.
04:22The engine in this, though, sounds fantastic.
04:26I think.
04:27It's hard to be sure because there's so much wind noise coming from here and everywhere
04:32else.
04:33It's a reminder, really, that this car was built in the 70s in the West Midlands.
04:39And these words, West, 70s, Midlands, they're not bywords for quality.
04:44There are other period features I don't much care for on either.
04:50First of all, there's the air conditioning.
04:53Two settings, sauna, or Turkish prison.
04:56Then you've got the wipers, which are as good at removing water from the windscreen as a
05:01pair of pencils.
05:03And then there's the steering system.
05:05It's original, so it could be from a Triumstag or it could be from a lawnmower.
05:10Who knows?
05:11What I do know is, to make the car move that much, you do quite a lot of flailing at the
05:18wheel.
05:19There are, however, some period features I love.
05:24The traditional white on black dials are the sort you get in war films that you tap when
05:30they tell you bad news, and then they tell you good news.
05:33Oh, no!
05:34I've got no fuel.
05:35Oh, look!
05:36I've got a full tank!
05:38I also like having the dim dip switch on the floor.
05:43And look at that radio!
05:45This is the BBC Home Service from the James May collection.
05:52So, how do we sum this car up?
05:55Certainly, it's more of a grand tourer than a raging B-road barnstormer.
06:00But I think that what it is, most of all, is a time machine.
06:05In my head, right now, this is not Top Gear, and this is not 2011.
06:11It's 1972.
06:12I have an enormous moustache, and I am the star of a new TV detective show.
06:18Nice wheels.
06:19Well, rock your head.
06:20Well, I wondered if you'd gone within a metre of it.
06:21I did go within a metre!
06:22You're supposed to go like that!
06:23You're supposed to go like that!
06:24That was rubbish!
06:25Did you see that?
06:26Yeah, it was rubbish.
06:27What was?
06:28We can't just go around pretending to punch each other.
06:29You need a sort of proper sequence.
06:30Nice wheels, by the way.
06:31But it's only just the best thing ever.
06:32We need to sort this out.
06:33We need to plan.
06:34So, we adjourn to the Top Gear office to plan our Interceptor tribute show.
06:38Why don't we just make the title sequence?
06:40title sequence is a good idea, because that tells the whole story, doesn't it?
06:59It sums up the whole atmosphere.
07:04the whole story doesn't it sums up the whole atmosphere and exactly they're always very
07:08short and they often end with a freeze yeah exactly and everyone turns like that yeah
07:13and there's always somebody doing karate chops on people yeah no there's always a karate chop
07:17shooting car chase explosion and then there was never any blood no people were shot extensively
07:24very close very close and they never bled and there's usually if anything has a button on it
07:28or a light they're massive girls do you remember that bit in the persuaders roger moore tony curtis
07:36walking along girl in a bikini walks between them for no obvious reason and they both go
07:41and the good thing about a karate chop is there's no blood yes you wouldn't need blood so no shooting
07:46and no blood come on we absolutely are with you there is karate and there is you can do a karate
07:52just there always was i mean that's you can get out the car karate specialist wasn't you
07:56you can be a karate specialist yes well let's get out there and make the title sequence
08:16so
08:26so
08:36so
08:38so
08:40so
08:44so
08:46so
08:50Yes, I did.
09:15I was actually in her course.
09:17You could edit that out.
09:18Can I just ask?
09:20Whoa, whoa, can I just ask?
09:22Why don't we make that every week?
09:24Yes, I know.
09:25Every week do that.
09:25I want to be a karate expert.
09:27I want an interceptor.
09:28Yeah, I want a moustache.
09:30Well, there you go.
09:31Who here would like us to stop making this rubbish
09:34and make that instead?
09:37Because look at the snogging.
09:39And I tell you what,
09:40I know the girl we could have.
09:42Wendy Murdoch.
09:44Oh, blam!
09:46Apparently, he couldn't have won newspapers,
09:47so it must be true.
09:48She growled when she hit him.
09:50Oh!
09:51Hammond likes a fighty girl.
09:54Anyway, before we do the news properly,
09:56there's something I need to explain.
09:57Very, very keen viewers may have noticed
09:59that this hour-long programme, Top Gear,
10:01is sometimes 62 or even 63 minutes long.
10:05But this week, BBC Two have told us
10:07it must be 59 minutes.
10:08No ifs or buts.
10:10On the no's.
10:10In fact, all the programmes on BBC Two tonight
10:12must be exactly to length
10:14because they're going at 10 o'clock
10:15live to the MotoGP race.
10:18Yes!
10:19I'm not interested in bike racing.
10:20Well, that's hardly relevant, is it?
10:22Just because you're not interested in something
10:24doesn't mean that the BBC should deny all the people
10:26who are the opportunity of seeing it.
10:28Bike racing only works on YouTube.
10:30What?
10:30Well, you just see the crashes and then...
10:31Oh, don't be sick!
10:33Hands up if you want to see bike racing.
10:36Two.
10:37So about 8% of the population
10:40want me to get a move on.
10:41Yes, they do, and I am one of them,
10:43and so is James.
10:44So we're going to press on and start with the news.
10:45And we start with the news you may have heard of this week.
10:48A new flying car has been announced.
10:50Costs £150,000.
10:51Here's a shot of it in the air.
10:52That's what it looks like as an aeroplane.
10:54And here's a shot of it on the ground.
10:56It's just a crumpled aeroplane, isn't it?
10:58It just comes pre-crashed.
11:01There's an even bigger problem I've thought of,
11:03which is, I think everybody knows, James,
11:05you do have a light aircraft.
11:06And before you take off, you have to do pre-flight checks.
11:10Well, a few, yeah.
11:11What are they?
11:12Well, you have to check the fuel that it hasn't got any moisture in it.
11:16Why do you check the fuel?
11:16It hasn't got water in it.
11:18How would water get you the fuel?
11:19Oh, we haven't got time for this!
11:21No, I'm very interested.
11:23No, we haven't got time for this.
11:24It's only bike racing.
11:25James, tell me more about your pre-flight check.
11:28Actually, you know what?
11:30Even I would rather watch bike racing
11:32than listen to James talk about your pre-flight checks.
11:35So I will move it on.
11:36Now, there's a company in America called SSC,
11:39and a few years ago, they brought out a car called the Aero,
11:41which for a time was the fastest car in the world,
11:43verified by Guinness,
11:44faster than the Bugatti Veyron.
11:46Well, now they've come up with another new car,
11:48but a picture of it here.
11:49We have no details at all,
11:51but we do know its name.
11:52It's called the Twatwafel.
11:57That's interesting.
11:58Is this going to be a rival for the new Pagani?
12:02What?
12:03The replacement for the Zonda.
12:05It's called the...
12:06Hurrah!
12:07No, it's spelled H-U-A-Y-R-A.
12:10The...
12:11Hurrah!
12:11So you've got a choice now,
12:13if you're a wealthy person,
12:14between the Twatwafel or the Hurrah!
12:19So car makers now name their cars
12:21after the noises people make
12:22when they're punched in the stomach.
12:24The Lamborghini...
12:25Hurrah!
12:28Mini recently announced, okay,
12:30a new car.
12:31It's called the Mini,
12:32inspired by Goodwood.
12:34Stupid name, stupid price.
12:36£41,000.
12:38For a minute.
12:39For a Mini.
12:40£41,000.
12:41However, Aston has now gone one better, okay?
12:43Got this new car.
12:44It's called the Cigna and Colette,
12:46and that's £43,000.
12:48What?
12:50£43,000 for that.
12:52We should point out
12:53that that is a Toyota IQ.
12:55Yes, it starts out in life
12:56as an £11,000 Toyota.
12:58Aston Martin,
12:58take the Toyota badges off,
12:59put Aston Martin ones on,
13:01price goes up to £31,000.
13:03They've now added the Colette badges,
13:05£43,000.
13:06So hang on,
13:06what do you get
13:07for that extra £12,000 on top?
13:09You need to look inside,
13:09because what you get are,
13:10here they are,
13:11two cushions.
13:14Wait a minute.
13:15What is the Cigna and Colette?
13:18Cigna and Colette?
13:18Sounds like lap dancing duo
13:20from Leeds.
13:21An ice skating duo.
13:23No, to be honest,
13:24we know that the Cigna part
13:26is an Aston Martin Cigna.
13:28It's the Colette thing,
13:29what is Colette?
13:30Because it sounds like
13:31a feminine hygiene product.
13:34Well, I made a mistake.
13:38Did you?
13:38You get more than just the cushions.
13:40I do apologise.
13:41You also get
13:42quilted sun visors,
13:45some biscuits,
13:47I'm reading this out,
13:48I'm just quoting what you get.
13:49A guide to Paris,
13:50a plastic camera,
13:52an empty bottle,
13:53and four compilations CDs,
13:55featuring bands
13:56such as the Morning Benders.
13:58So basically,
14:00they're selling you
14:01a small Toyota
14:02full of clutter.
14:04Oh, now,
14:04the most important thing,
14:05obviously,
14:06a couple of weeks ago,
14:07I invited,
14:07well, I showed you all,
14:08a bird deposit
14:09on the back of my Range Rover,
14:11you may remember.
14:12Yes, we do.
14:13And I invited
14:14the viewing audience
14:15to send in pictures
14:16of bird dirt
14:16on their car
14:17that was more substantial.
14:18We've had some,
14:19I admit.
14:19Oh, yeah.
14:20Here's one from Africa.
14:21This is a Maribou.
14:23Oh, we know who did it.
14:24Yeah, this is a Maribou stork.
14:26God's cruelest joke,
14:28this bird.
14:28Yeah, Jeremy,
14:29we haven't really got time
14:29for one of your bird lectures.
14:31Well, you're going to get it
14:32because this is more interesting
14:33than bike racing.
14:34God knew that bird
14:35was going to live in Africa
14:36when he gave it bald legs.
14:38Now, I'm sorry,
14:39but that's a bit unkind.
14:41So its legs get hot
14:42and some burned
14:43and the only way
14:43it can cool them down
14:44and I'm not making this up
14:45is to wee on them
14:46constantly.
14:48So it wheees
14:49on its legs.
14:49We're a car show.
14:52A giant stork
14:53that wheezes on its knees
14:54is not strictly
14:55our kind of deal.
14:56It is if it's standing
14:57on a Mitsubishi Lancer.
14:59No.
14:59Which it is,
15:00so there's a car element
15:01to my story.
15:01Anyway, there's another pick.
15:02You what?
15:03That's a galant.
15:05What?
15:05That could well be a galant.
15:08It's a galant.
15:11One minute in there
15:12never to have him
15:14around for dinner.
15:19How did you know
15:21it was a galant?
15:22You can only see
15:22the back of the television.
15:25Anyway,
15:25I've just humiliated myself
15:27and will now commit suicide.
15:29Except if I do that,
15:30you'll be able
15:31to watch the bike racing.
15:32Yes, you will.
15:32So I won't.
15:33I shall keep going
15:34with another bird picture.
15:36I don't think a bird did that.
15:37I think that was a man
15:40and I think if that's your car
15:42you should report him
15:42to the police.
15:43Not that you can
15:44because of course
15:45they've all resigned.
15:46But anyway.
15:47And that's the end
15:48of the news.
15:49It isn't the end
15:49of the news actually.
15:50Yes, it is.
15:51It isn't.
15:51It is.
15:51It isn't.
15:52I'm not going to waste
15:52time arguing about it.
15:53Move on.
15:54I will move it on
15:55because I want to talk
15:56about sport.
15:57You see, anyone can kick
15:58a football around
15:59and get an idea
16:00of what it would be like
16:00to be David Beckham.
16:02Yes.
16:02Anybody can pick up
16:03a golf bat
16:03and get an idea
16:04of what it would be like
16:05to be a Freemason.
16:06Let's get on
16:07If you want to drive
16:08a Formula One car
16:09you have to be
16:10a Formula One driver.
16:11An ordinary mortal
16:12can't just go into
16:13a Formula One factory
16:14and buy one.
16:15Except now
16:16you can.
16:30This is the new
16:31Lotus T125.
16:35And straight away
16:36an Anorak would say
16:37Oh, that's not
16:39a Formula One car.
16:41And that's right.
16:43It isn't.
16:44But it does come
16:46with a Cosworth V8.
16:48A sequential gearbox,
16:50full downforce,
16:51a complicated steering wheel,
16:53a hand-operated clutch
16:54and all the other
16:55F1 trimmings as well.
16:58For instance,
16:59included in the price
17:00is Jeff,
17:01who is a fitness instructor,
17:02Alfonso,
17:03who will cook for you
17:04and your friends,
17:06and a team of mechanics
17:07who will accompany you
17:08and your car
17:09to any racetrack
17:10in the world.
17:12You also get a truck
17:13which is fitted
17:14with all the things
17:14you need,
17:15including
17:16a Jeune Lacy.
17:20So let's just get this straight.
17:22If I buy one of these cars,
17:24I get you
17:25a former Ferrari Formula One driver
17:28to teach me
17:29how to drive it.
17:30It is like that.
17:31The only problem
17:33because it's a single seat,
17:35when you are in,
17:36you're alone.
17:37Exactly.
17:37So you have to follow
17:38my instruction.
17:41Jean's first job
17:42was to get me comfortable
17:43in the car.
17:44The position
17:45is extremely important
17:46because it's where
17:48you will have
17:48the feeling
17:49and the feedback
17:50from what is happening.
17:54Er, now you see...
17:56No, no,
17:56that is not the correct position.
17:58Well, it is the position
17:59that I...
18:00That's it.
18:01It's my seat.
18:03Because I was so
18:04generously proportioned,
18:06the only option
18:07was to remove
18:08the seat altogether.
18:10OK.
18:11Well, I'm in.
18:12But I am sitting
18:13on the floor.
18:13OK, but now
18:14with the foam,
18:15we will fill...
18:17With the foam?
18:18A special foam.
18:19It's like being taught
18:19by Inspector Clouseau this.
18:21Is there going to be
18:22a minky coming
18:23in a minute?
18:24Now we have a special foam
18:25and you will really feel
18:27at home.
18:30The foam fitting
18:31was rather disturbing.
18:33Why?
18:34What are you doing?
18:35You're in my actual anus.
18:37That was my actual anus
18:39that you put your hand in.
18:40It's a part of the program.
18:44Things that just happened
18:45that I didn't think
18:46would happen today.
18:47Jean Alessi,
18:47who I used to hero worship,
18:49is playing with my genitals.
18:51And Jean?
18:53Yeah?
18:54Compared to the Formula One cars
18:57of, let's, I don't know,
18:58pick a period,
18:5990s?
19:00Is this as fast as that?
19:01I would say, yeah,
19:0290s, yes.
19:03A lot faster.
19:04This is faster
19:05than a 90s Formula One car?
19:07Yeah, because you have
19:07a lot more downforce.
19:09We have a floor
19:10guarantee 60%
19:12of the downforce.
19:13Really?
19:13So it's got more downforce
19:15than even today's Formula One?
19:16Definitely, yes.
19:18In terms of power,
19:19obviously it's down.
19:20We have 640 horsepower,
19:24which is really enough
19:25for 600 kilos.
19:30Soon I was ready
19:32for my first ever taste
19:34of Formula One.
19:42Oh, no.
19:50That acceleration,
20:02and I'm not even
20:02going fully down
20:04on the throttle,
20:05it's just terrifying.
20:07Oh, I can't turn the wheel.
20:09The legs are in the way.
20:12God, this is quite horrible.
20:16Unlike a Formula One car
20:18which will rev to
20:1917 or 18,000.
20:21I've lost all the temperature
20:34out of the tyres.
20:36Oh, I don't like this.
20:38No, no, no.
20:40No, I don't want this.
20:41I've driven a car
20:46that's got this much power before
20:48and I've driven a car
20:49on slicks before.
20:50Yeah.
20:51And I've driven a car
20:52that weighs as little
20:54as this before,
20:54but I've never driven a car
20:55that has all of those things.
20:57Together.
20:59Nice, eh?
21:00It wasn't nice.
21:04It had been terrifying.
21:08And to explain why,
21:10I switched to my own car.
21:12My mind tells me
21:14that it's okay
21:15to turn into the follow-through
21:17which is coming up now
21:19at 90 miles an hour.
21:24The thing is, though,
21:26in the Lotus,
21:27I have to tell my mind
21:29it's okay to go through
21:30that corner
21:31at 160 miles an hour.
21:38And once more,
21:39if I try to do it
21:40in the Lotus at 90,
21:42there won't be enough air
21:44going over the winds
21:45so there won't be
21:46much downforce
21:46and the tyres will be cold
21:48so there won't be much grip.
21:50If I do it
21:51at the speed
21:52my mind says is safe,
21:54I will crash
21:56and I will be killed.
21:59To stay alive,
22:00I have to go faster
22:02than my mind thinks
22:03is possible.
22:06Then there's the question
22:07of braking.
22:10If I want to slow down
22:11enough for the hammerhead,
22:12which is down there,
22:13in this car,
22:14which has enormous
22:15ventilated discs,
22:17I would have to start
22:18braking at this point,
22:19140 metres from the corner.
22:22But what if you brake
22:25to the Lotus
22:25at this point?
22:34So he's come to a dead stop,
22:37never mind slowing down enough,
22:3960 yards from the corner.
22:42So what that means is
22:44when I'm driving the Lotus,
22:46I have to come past here
22:47with my foot
22:48buried in the loud pedal,
22:51still going like hell here,
22:54still not braking,
22:55still not even thinking
22:56of braking at this point.
22:59Not here,
23:00that would be stupid,
23:01I'd look like an idiot.
23:03My mind is now
23:04screaming at me,
23:05stop, stop,
23:06you're going to be killed.
23:08But I'm still accelerating.
23:09And when I get to about
23:10here,
23:13then I'll brake.
23:15And I don't think
23:17I've got the balls for that.
23:21To spur me on,
23:22I unchained
23:23the stick.
23:28Unlike me,
23:29this is a man
23:30who drives as fast
23:31as a car will go,
23:33not as fast
23:33as he thinks
23:34he can go.
23:35And what he's doing now
23:37is setting a lap time
23:38on our short circuit
23:39in a V8-powered
23:41aerial atom,
23:42the fastest road car
23:43we've ever tested.
23:45He did it
23:48in 36.2 seconds.
23:53So,
23:54can a fat,
23:55frightened 51-year-old man
23:57overcome
23:58the limitations
23:59of his own mind
24:00and beat that time?
24:03Wish me luck, everybody.
24:05Oh, bloody hell.
24:12Going a bit too hard
24:14through there.
24:16I've got to get used
24:16to these brakes.
24:18They just feel useless
24:19until you stand on them.
24:22It's all over the place.
24:24I am literally
24:25all over the place,
24:26isn't it?
24:2737.9, Jeremy.
24:2937.9 seconds
24:31was my last lap.
24:35All things
24:35jumping about.
24:37A wild animal.
24:41Come on, Jeremy.
24:42Yes!
24:43Oh, Jesus, no!
24:45Oh, shit up!
24:4737.7.
24:4937.7.
24:51Oh, no!
24:54Oh, for crying out
24:55bloody loud!
24:57Clearly, it was time
24:58for another chat
24:59with Yoda.
25:00Gears for the corners.
25:03Hammerhead.
25:04Yeah.
25:05Second?
25:05Second for the first
25:07part, for the left
25:08and first for the right.
25:09First for the right?
25:10Yeah, because otherwise
25:11the car is pushing down.
25:12So you use the engine
25:14braking to make
25:15the back slide
25:17a little bit.
25:18Yeah.
25:19Then you keep the six
25:20for the past corner.
25:21Sixth gear?
25:22I keep the six.
25:23Yeah.
25:23Then second gear.
25:24For the Chicago,
25:25through the tires.
25:26Yeah, yeah.
25:27Yeah.
25:27And then...
25:28With the noise curfew
25:32on our track
25:32fast approaching,
25:33this was my last chance
25:35to beat 36.2 seconds.
25:3820 minutes.
25:4020 minutes
25:41to try
25:42and beat that tide.
25:45Come on, now.
25:46Come on.
25:47Come on.
25:47Come on.
25:48Come on.
25:51Yeah, finally,
25:52I've got Chicago worked out.
25:53Come on.
25:57I'm getting cramp
25:58in my hands.
26:0237.5, Jeremy.
26:0437.5.
26:06Locking up there.
26:13Oh, that's breaking.
26:15And the neck.
26:17My neck is absolutely
26:18destroyed.
26:20And 37 dead.
26:2537.
26:26Come on.
26:30Ow, my head.
26:32Oh.
26:35Come on.
26:36Come on.
26:36Come on.
26:4235.8.
26:43Yes.
26:45Yes.
26:46Yes.
26:4635.8.
26:4835.8.
26:51Eat that steak.
26:52Yes.
26:53Yes.
26:54Yes.
26:57I am a Formula One driver.
27:00Yes.
27:02Yes.
27:06Well done.
27:08Well done.
27:09And I look good.
27:09I look good in that seat.
27:11I'm slightly confused by this.
27:19So if you buy one of these,
27:20you don't actually race it.
27:22No, no, no.
27:22What you do is you hire a track.
27:25You ring Lotus, okay?
27:26They bring your car to the track
27:27with the mechanics,
27:28the chef,
27:29all the things I talked about there.
27:30And you drive it around
27:31until your neck hurts.
27:33And then you go home.
27:34And how much does all this cost?
27:36£650,000.
27:37You see, that is quite a lot.
27:39Is it worth it?
27:39Well, if you're one of those
27:41Scottish people
27:42that won the Euro lottery millions,
27:44then, you know,
27:45it's probably worth it.
27:46I mean, they'd have to lose
27:46a few pounds.
27:50I don't mean that cruelly.
27:52I genuinely don't mean that cruelly.
27:54And anyway,
27:54people in glass houses, etc.
27:56But the fact is,
27:57it's agony.
27:58It really is.
27:59I was going around Chicago,
28:01yet my head is just being
28:02really like it's being pulled off.
28:04And you know you can't accelerate
28:06to go down to the Hammerhead
28:07until you can get your head
28:08back upright
28:09and rest it on the airbox.
28:10I know what you mean.
28:11Because when I drove that F1 car
28:13on the show a few years,
28:14I could not believe
28:16how fast you had to go
28:17to make the thing work.
28:19The thing is,
28:19that Formula One car
28:20that you drove
28:21came around here
28:22with a Stig at the wheel,
28:22did a lap in 59 seconds.
28:25Now, we were very keen
28:26to find out
28:26if this would go faster.
28:28So we brought it down here
28:29the other day.
28:29And you're not going to believe this.
28:30In the middle of July
28:31in a British summer,
28:32it was raining.
28:33And in a show
28:34where we're all ready
28:35tight for time,
28:36there's really no point
28:37in doing a wet lap in this.
28:38What would that tell us?
28:39So we'll get it back
28:40on a dry day
28:40and we will report back
28:41on how it does.
28:43Yes, we will.
28:44Now, though,
28:44it is time to put a star
28:45in our reasonably priced car.
28:48Now, my guest tonight
28:48has long, straggly hair
28:50and an incredible ability
28:52to heal the sick
28:53and feed the hungry.
28:56Ladies and gentlemen,
28:57Jesus.
28:58It's Bob Geldof!
29:00How are you?
29:05Have a seat.
29:06It's a Bob!
29:11Great to have you here.
29:13Now, obviously,
29:14you've topped
29:15what used to be called
29:15the Hit Parade.
29:16You've fed the world.
29:17But what a lot of people
29:18don't know
29:19is that you built
29:20the M25.
29:22I built the M23
29:24and M25, Jeremy.
29:26Do you know,
29:26I didn't even know
29:27you'd built the road
29:28to Gatwick as well?
29:29If you know
29:29the Merstam interchange
29:30where you come off
29:32the 23 onto the 25,
29:34that's more or less
29:34where I had my
29:35road-digging career.
29:38Yeah.
29:38And that's Geldof Corner.
29:39I know you've got
29:40Gambon Corner,
29:41which I'm sure
29:41we'll see later.
29:42Yes, we will.
29:43Geldof Corner's there,
29:44hence the tailbacks
29:46for miles on the M25.
29:47So it's when you go around
29:48that, actually,
29:49it's one of the best corners
29:50on the motorway network,
29:51that.
29:52And you built that?
29:53I built that.
29:54Yeah, long before
29:55I could drive a car,
29:56they gave me the chance
29:58to drive these
29:59immense machines
30:00with, I think,
30:01it's 11 forward gears
30:03and six reverses,
30:04two engines.
30:05There's two throttles.
30:07You've got to sit like this
30:07with both feet
30:08on the throttles.
30:09And there's a big bucket
30:10in the middle,
30:11which you drop,
30:12and off you go.
30:13And is it hard?
30:14It is hard.
30:14I was crap, yeah.
30:17And so you ran over
30:19a herd of cows?
30:20I ran over
30:21practically the same thing,
30:22a guy from the county council.
30:25On the hall roads,
30:26as they're called,
30:27there are no other
30:28vehicles allowed.
30:29And the county council
30:31guy was nosing around
30:32there for some reason.
30:33I came around the bend,
30:34and here he was
30:34in his Renault 4L.
30:36And he just saw
30:36this huge thing
30:37and this 18-year-old,
30:39without a driving license,
30:42coming down the track.
30:44And I slammed on the brakes,
30:47and these huge tires
30:48just rolled over
30:50the front of the Renault,
30:51the bonnet,
30:52and I saw the windscreen
30:53pull away from the top
30:55and just flatten the engine.
30:57And he was just like this.
30:59I don't know what was
30:59happening in the seat
31:00of his pants,
31:01but I saw what was
31:03happening to his face.
31:04And I thought he was dead.
31:06I thought I'd killed him.
31:07He got out.
31:08The foreman came
31:09gunning up on his Land Rover
31:11and just,
31:12I thought I was gone.
31:13I was just on the way out.
31:15And he just was screaming
31:16at this guy,
31:17who got fired.
31:18And the council official
31:19got fired?
31:19Yeah.
31:19Well, that saved the council
31:20a few bob.
31:22One of the things
31:23I read about
31:24in your road-building career
31:25is that your nickname
31:26on the site
31:27was Dublin.
31:28Yeah.
31:29Wouldn't that apply
31:30to absolutely everybody
31:32also working on the site?
31:35No.
31:35Hey, Dublin.
31:365,000 people.
31:37Here we go.
31:38What?
31:39No,
31:40because there were
31:41two crowds
31:42essentially building
31:43the roads.
31:44Certainly with this
31:45construction company,
31:46there was a West Country
31:47crowd,
31:47and there was
31:48an Irish crowd.
31:49It was a bit like
31:49I landed in India
31:51not that long back
31:52on an Air India flight
31:53and there were
31:54three other
31:54India flights
31:55and this is in India
31:56and there was
31:56a man waiting
31:57beyond the barriers
31:58with a sign saying
31:58Mr. Patel.
32:00Yeah.
32:00And I just thought,
32:01it's not going to work,
32:02is it?
32:04It's the same
32:05as Dublin
32:05on the site.
32:07What sort of
32:07driver are you?
32:09Not good.
32:10Really, I'm not.
32:11I've got a Previa
32:12because I had
32:12600 children
32:14and, you know,
32:16With 900 names
32:16between them.
32:17Yeah,
32:18and all excellent.
32:19And, you know,
32:21it's just
32:22a superb thing.
32:24You're up high,
32:25you've got this
32:25big, broad vision,
32:26you go like this
32:27and the wheel turns
32:28and you've just got
32:30endless amount of
32:31power in the thing.
32:32There isn't an endless
32:33amount of power
32:34in a Toyota Previa.
32:36It's a horrible car.
32:38It's not.
32:38It's not.
32:39It's really not.
32:39I mean, I'm, you know,
32:41Mr. Big on Toyota.
32:42I've got a Lexus
32:43so I don't pay
32:44the congestion charge.
32:46Oh, the hybrid one.
32:47Yeah, and also, Jeremy,
32:49you know,
32:49I think you should
32:50start now
32:50becoming a little
32:51more environmentally
32:52aware, you know.
32:57I am very aware
32:59of the environment
32:59and I'm still
33:01not interested in it.
33:04You're a businessman now.
33:06Sometimes.
33:06Yeah, and you've got
33:07a lot of TV
33:08production companies.
33:09So how much time
33:10do you have left
33:10for music?
33:13Most of the time
33:14I'll do music
33:15so there's still,
33:16you know,
33:17a lot of the time
33:17is spent on the
33:18Africa stuff
33:19and business stuff,
33:20music and the family
33:21but the only thing
33:23I like doing,
33:23being specific,
33:24the only thing
33:25I like doing
33:25is music.
33:26Really?
33:27You're touring soon,
33:28aren't you?
33:28Yeah, September
33:29and November here
33:31so, you know,
33:33north and south.
33:34Because you had
33:34the album out,
33:35what, three months ago?
33:36Three months ago.
33:36Yeah.
33:37Which was Bob Geldof age,
33:39well it's actually,
33:39what was it,
33:4058 and three quarters?
33:41It was 58 and a half.
33:4258 and a half.
33:42I was going to call it that
33:44and then I saw a book
33:45called How to Compose
33:46Popular Songs
33:47That Will Sell
33:48and I thought
33:48that was more ironic.
33:50It's a good title that.
33:51Yes.
33:52Doesn't fit on iTunes
33:53very easily.
33:54How to,
33:55doesn't it?
33:56But no,
33:56so you released that
33:57three months ago.
33:57You went on,
33:58you know how to use iTunes.
33:59I do.
33:59What do you listen to
34:00in the car?
34:01What do I listen to?
34:03Er,
34:04Rattrap,
34:04I Don't Like Mondays.
34:06Classics.
34:07Classics.
34:08From the late 70s.
34:11Yeah.
34:11You've got,
34:12I presume you've got
34:12an iPhone.
34:13No, I don't have that.
34:14We spent about
34:15two hours before this
34:17extolling the virtues
34:18of the Nokia 6310.
34:20Does anyone remember
34:21a 6310?
34:22Five days without a charge,
34:24without a reach,
34:25five days.
34:26Well, that's how long I do
34:27because I've got no friends
34:28so nobody rings me up.
34:29For self-evident reasons,
34:31the gene's been one.
34:33At least I put socks on.
34:35No, he came here.
34:37Look, I'm wearing a sock.
34:39But you don't have
34:40beautiful ankles.
34:41A beautiful turned ankle
34:42is something that I
34:43admire in some of it.
34:46Um,
34:47your lap.
34:47How did it go out there?
34:52I'm so crap at this.
34:55You start off
34:56and you're really nervous.
34:58I'm not a speed head.
34:59And then I started
34:59to enjoy it
35:00and be able to focus
35:02on what Stig told me
35:03and I slowed down.
35:05Well, who'd like to see
35:07the lap?
35:08Not me.
35:09Come on, let's have a look.
35:11Let's see how it went.
35:11already we're going to need
35:21the beat machine there.
35:22Right, first corner.
35:25Where are we going?
35:26Nice wide line,
35:27like the look of that.
35:31Might be time to change gear.
35:32It's so slow.
35:33Go, go, go.
35:34You have to change up.
35:37Where are we going?
35:37Oh, wide.
35:38You see, that's too fast in there.
35:40Uh-huh.
35:40Okay.
35:41That's why it went skidding wide.
35:43Clarkson, Stig said
35:45it's raining now
35:46and the trash is getting slippery.
35:48So, that's going to slow me down.
35:50So, shut up.
35:51We're not making excuses.
35:54Let's have a look
35:55at this torrential rain.
35:56Yeah, I can see
35:57where this Stig means.
35:58That is pouring down out there.
36:01No, wait.
36:02I don't mean pouring down,
36:03do I?
36:03Hang on.
36:04It looks so slow.
36:05It feels so fast.
36:06No, that is just quite slow.
36:08Change gear.
36:11Take this extreme bend
36:12at full throttle
36:13which is frightening.
36:15Oh, I say.
36:16That's good.
36:18It's instinctive
36:19which helps you
36:19slow down.
36:23Oh, you managed to stay
36:24off the bumpy bit there.
36:26and second to last.
36:27This is the worst.
36:28Oh, it is the worst.
36:29Gambit in the corner.
36:29I couldn't get it.
36:30Absolutely awful.
36:31Now, that's the centre to last.
36:32This is gambit.
36:32Yeah, I couldn't get it.
36:33And you're a little bit too slow.
36:35Didn't use all the road
36:36but nevertheless,
36:37across the line.
36:46Last.
36:47Where do we think?
36:49Third last.
36:50Third last?
36:51Yeah.
36:52What, Louis Spence speed?
36:53Yeah.
36:55153.
36:55No, that was wet.
36:56Yours was dry.
36:57These are all wet.
36:58Realistically,
36:59you need to be looking above.
37:00I know they are as people
37:01but I mean,
37:02with regard to them.
37:03So anyway,
37:04Bob Geldof.
37:06Don't say
37:07and I'll watch it at home.
37:08I'm embarrassed.
37:09Seriously,
37:09I thought that was rubbish.
37:11You did it.
37:12Look at him.
37:14You did it.
37:15Mm.
37:16Two minutes.
37:17I'm joking.
37:20I fully expect that.
37:25He was going,
37:25Mm.
37:26Mm.
37:27Really?
37:28One minute.
37:2948.1.
37:34And I don't think
37:35that is
37:36faster than Jeff Goldblast.
37:44Oh, God.
37:45Average at everything.
37:47Well, not really.
37:48I was just thinking.
37:49You're, uh,
37:50what are you?
37:50A knight of the British Empire.
37:52Mm-hmm.
37:53You were nominated
37:54for a Nobel Peace Prize.
37:55Mm-hmm.
37:56And now
37:57you're the 14th
37:58fastest celebrity
37:59ever to go around
38:00our track
38:00in a Kiersey apostrophe beat.
38:02You could have
38:02walked faster than that.
38:05Hands up
38:06those who think
38:07you could do
38:08who could be
38:09in the top 10
38:09if you did it.
38:10Hands up.
38:11Come on, hands up.
38:11You think?
38:17Ladies and gentlemen,
38:19liars,
38:22Bob Geldof.
38:26Well done.
38:26Thank you very much.
38:27Bob Geldof, everybody.
38:36No, we're all right.
38:37We're all right.
38:37Just press on.
38:39Now,
38:39the other day
38:40we received a challenge
38:42from the world
38:43demolition champions.
38:45Yeah, we're actually
38:45making that up.
38:46There really is
38:47such a championship.
38:48Yeah, there is.
38:49And they said to us
38:50that they reckon
38:50they could knock down
38:51a row of houses
38:52faster than we could.
38:54So, naturally,
38:55we were prepared
38:56to accept this challenge,
38:57but first,
38:57we thought we'd do
38:58a bit of practice.
39:00So, we got in touch
39:01with our old friends
39:01in the Albanian mafia
39:03and asked if they had
39:04anything that needed
39:05knocking down.
39:06Luckily, they said,
39:07yes, there's a man
39:09who's annoyed us
39:09very much indeed
39:11and it would be
39:11an enormous help
39:12if you would come over
39:13and smash his house
39:14to bits.
39:15So we did.
39:16This is the poor chap's
39:21house.
39:22This is where
39:23he'd obviously
39:24tricked up.
39:26And these are
39:27the machines
39:28we'd be using.
39:31That there
39:32is a digger.
39:34That is a bulldozer.
39:36And that down there
39:37is a big crane
39:38with a sort of
39:39pecky thing
39:39on the end of it.
39:40Bagsy, I have that
39:41because it's the biggest.
39:42Bagsy, I have the bulldozer.
39:43I'm having the bulldozer.
39:44With our choices
39:45carefully worked out,
39:47Jeremy was keen
39:48to get cracking.
39:49Come on, go, go, go.
39:50But I thought it best
39:51we first examine the house.
39:54This building
39:54is basically
39:55a steel-reinforced
39:57concrete frame,
39:58a series of uprights
39:59and then beams
40:00joining them together.
40:01And then all the gaps
40:02are filled in
40:03with these things,
40:04which I believe
40:04are called pot bricks.
40:05These are not structural.
40:06They're there
40:07simply to...
40:11Oh!
40:12Oh!
40:13Oh!
40:14Oh!
40:15Oh!
40:15Yeah!
40:18You are history!
40:21Oi!
40:23Not yet!
40:28Throughout the rest
40:30of the day,
40:30there were some issues.
40:32I, for example,
40:33was not that accurate
40:35with the digger.
40:36No, no, no!
40:39Hang on, hang on!
40:42Oh!
40:42Oh, God!
40:44Jeremy nearly caused
40:46a power cut.
40:50And when Richard
40:51stopped off in town
40:53to buy some tea,
40:54he got a bit confused
40:56with all his lorry's levers.
40:59Do you do tea?
41:01Tea?
41:02Breakfast for English,
41:03breakfast tea for workers.
41:05But the biggest problem
41:10we had
41:11was the house itself.
41:16Come on!
41:20May?
41:21What?
41:21It won't fall down.
41:23You'll have to...
41:23You try.
41:25If I'm honest,
41:26that wasn't
41:27a great suggestion.
41:28Everything else
41:36we tried
41:36failed as well.
41:38Back!
41:39Give it some welly!
41:48In fact,
41:49by the time
41:49Hammond got back
41:50from clearing up his mess,
41:52it was almost dark.
41:53And the house
41:54was still
41:55pretty much intact.
41:56clearly,
42:11clearly,
42:12it wasn't our fault
42:13that the house
42:13was still standing.
42:14No,
42:15which left us
42:15with two possibilities.
42:17Either Albanian houses
42:19are built superbly well,
42:20which seems unlikely,
42:21or,
42:23those diggery things
42:24and the pecky thing,
42:26that equipment
42:27was no good.
42:28We very quickly
42:29concluded
42:29that it was
42:30the equipment
42:30that was no good.
42:32So,
42:32for our challenge
42:33with the experts,
42:34we decided
42:35to use
42:35military equipment.
42:40This is
42:41the Witham
42:42Army Disposal Yard
42:43in Lincolnshire.
42:44It's a giant
42:45toy cupboard.
42:50And everything
42:51you see here
42:52is for sale.
42:56Can we use this
42:57to demolish the house?
42:58No,
42:58you can't use
42:58any weapons.
42:59Really?
43:00Just the vehicle.
43:01Hammond,
43:01I suspect
43:01the driving position
43:02has got you
43:03in mind
43:03in a Scorpion.
43:04Is that what this is?
43:05Yeah.
43:06£30,000.
43:07That's what it costs.
43:09Already?
43:09I'm seeing buildings
43:10just fall down
43:11of their own free will.
43:12Didn't James Blunt
43:15use one of these
43:15in Kosovo?
43:16It's got pedals.
43:17There are pedals.
43:18I thought he had a guitar.
43:20It's the Stormer.
43:21Yeah,
43:21the Stormer.
43:23Now,
43:23come on.
43:23£20,000 maximum.
43:24Stormer!
43:25That's a good name.
43:26£20,000.
43:27So this
43:29or a Ford Focus.
43:31Inside,
43:32there was more
43:33and soon
43:33Hammond
43:34started to lose focus.
43:36This is your
43:37absolutely
43:37boggo-standard
43:39British Army
43:40Land Rover
43:40cupboard
43:41for either
43:43parking ticket money
43:45or bullets.
43:47Oh,
43:47he's found a Land Rover.
43:4994,000
43:50gentle miles.
43:52It in a war zone.
43:53Richard.
43:54Not really
43:55what we're looking for.
43:55These don't look
43:57at Land Rovers.
43:58Okay.
44:00That's the fuselage
44:01of a Harrier.
44:03These are fantastic.
44:05Oh,
44:05no.
44:06Oh,
44:06my God.
44:08Come on,
44:08chaps.
44:09Yeah,
44:09there's nothing else
44:09to see in here.
44:11Oh,
44:11my...
44:13Bloody hell.
44:15Hammond's found
44:16the helicopters.
44:17Gazelles.
44:18Hey.
44:19Oh.
44:20Well,
44:20that's it.
44:21That's my life over.
44:23With
44:23both my colleagues
44:24now otherwise engaged,
44:26I went off
44:27on my own
44:27to find a vehicle
44:28that might be suitable
44:29for our demolition project.
44:36Hello,
44:36ladies and gentlemen.
44:37Welcome to the Saxon.
44:39It has an 8-litre
44:41six-cylinder diesel engine.
44:43Top speed
44:4430 miles an hour
44:45or 60
44:46if the tyres
44:47haven't been shot through.
44:51It has all the things
44:52you need.
44:53Power steering,
44:54automatic gearbox,
44:56selectable four-wheel drive,
44:57grenade launchers.
45:01Side windscreen wipers.
45:02Oh,
45:03yes.
45:05James,
45:06meanwhile,
45:06had decided
45:07that a Willis Jeep
45:08would be ideal,
45:10although he was finding
45:10it quite difficult
45:11to explain why.
45:13The problem is
45:25that while you could
45:26drive this
45:27through a hail
45:29of petrol bombs
45:30and small arms fire
45:31and you'd be fine,
45:33I'm not sure
45:34you could drive it
45:35through a building.
45:37Oh,
45:37Hammond!
45:38This is a 1977
45:44Westland Gazelle
45:45helicopter.
45:47One of the fastest
45:48helicopters built.
45:50Top speed
45:50193 miles an hour.
45:54We've got to get us
45:55one of these.
45:55We need one of these.
46:00Eventually,
46:01I nailed some sense
46:02into my colleagues
46:03and we all selected
46:04the vehicles
46:04we'd be using
46:05for the demolition challenge.
46:08This is a 434
46:10armoured recovery vehicle.
46:11I've gone for it
46:12in this spec
46:12because it's got
46:14the crane,
46:14which could be
46:15very useful to us.
46:17But if all else fails,
46:18it weighs 15 tonnes.
46:20So I could just use it
46:21as a sort of
46:22battering wrap.
46:23As you would imagine,
46:24mine is much bigger
46:26than Hammond's.
46:26This is a CET,
46:28a Combat Engineering Tractor,
46:30and they're all
46:31very encouraging words.
46:32It has a bucket
46:33on the front
46:33and many other things
46:34besides.
46:36Unlike James's,
46:37mine is white.
46:38It's also
46:38absolutely excellent.
46:40The tiller
46:41on the front
46:41is used
46:42for mine clearance,
46:43but it can also
46:44be used
46:45for pulling down
46:46houses.
46:47In my mind.
46:49What?
46:50Why is it white?
46:51United Nations.
46:53Oh.
46:53Yes,
46:54this very vehicle
46:55has just come back
46:56from the Middle East
46:57where it cleared
46:58100 anti-tank mines.
47:00It's kind of focused
47:01on one thing,
47:02isn't it?
47:02Mine clearance.
47:03That's what it is.
47:04A mine clearing machine.
47:06We aren't clearing mines,
47:07we're knocking a hair stand.
47:08He's got a point.
47:09You've focused on one thing
47:10and we're not doing
47:11that thing.
47:12It's a very,
47:13very specialised piece
47:14of equipment.
47:15Incredibly specialised.
47:16The cab is on
47:16hydraulic rams.
47:18It senses your weight,
47:19raises it to the
47:20correct height
47:21so that if there's
47:21a blast underneath,
47:23you're cushioned
47:24from that blast.
47:24Again,
47:25amazing.
47:26It won't be
47:26because we're not
47:27clearing a minefield,
47:28we're knocking
47:28houses down.
47:29You wait
47:30till you see
47:30what happens
47:31to a house
47:32when it is presented
47:33with this
47:33moving at 400 RPM.
47:35If the house
47:36immediately explodes,
47:37you'll be okay,
47:37but that's about it.
47:39That's what I'm doing.
47:39That's just because
47:40I'm doing this.
47:40It's like a mechanical cat.
47:42It's a military machine
47:43with some white paint on it.
47:44It isn't military.
47:45It's for clearance
47:46and saving lives.
47:47Princess Diana
47:48had one of these.
47:53The location
47:53for our demolition
47:55challenge was
47:55the Christian Fields
47:56housing estate
47:57in Kent.
47:59Each team
48:00would have to
48:00knock down six houses
48:02and the professionals
48:03rocked up on the day
48:04with a selection
48:05of conventional equipment
48:06that we knew
48:08would not work.
48:10As a result,
48:12they would be humiliated
48:14by Team Top Gear.
48:23What a machine
48:34this is.
48:361300 RPM.
48:38I'm doing very nearly
48:39the top speed
48:40of six.
48:42The other machines
48:43were considerably faster.
48:46So in order not to
48:47keep the chaps waiting,
48:48I decided to take
48:49a shortcut.
48:50I think he looked at it
48:52and he thought,
48:52it's got things
48:53on the front
48:53that go round and round
48:54and I'll smash
48:54everything up
48:55and it's white
48:55and I'll work
48:55for the United Nations.
48:56And it failed to work out.
48:57It's going to be
48:57the slowest.
48:59You don't suppose
49:00by any chance
49:01that's...
49:05Ladies and gentlemen,
49:06Jeremy Clarkson,
49:07sometimes known
49:07as the silver-tongued
49:08Cavalier of the Cotswolds.
49:10I hope that was
49:11to come down.
49:13Before starting,
49:14the professionals
49:15had a pre-demolition briefing.
49:17All the works of the day
49:18are going to be carried out
49:19under BSEN 6187
49:22Demolition Code of Practice.
49:24Richard,
49:25can you hand out
49:26the metastatements
49:27to all the guys, please?
49:28And the risk assessments?
49:29Yep.
49:30Mostly,
49:30they talked about
49:31health and safety,
49:32so we thought
49:33we should too.
49:35Don't have an accident.
49:36Don't have an accident.
49:37If you do have an accident,
49:39remember,
49:39it was an accident.
49:41Briefing over,
49:42we got on
49:42with discussing the job.
49:44Why don't you
49:45do those, James?
49:46Okay.
49:47Hammond,
49:47you do the cream ones
49:48and I'll do this lot.
49:50That makes sense?
49:52So that's two houses each,
49:53then, effectively.
49:53Effectively,
49:53two houses each.
49:56With all the complicated maths
49:58out of the way,
49:59it was time to begin.
50:11Okay.
50:13Brace, brace, brace.
50:14We're going in.
50:15Look at his,
50:16he's concentrating like that.
50:18He looks like a proper
50:19orangutan when he concentrates.
50:22Firing up the rotors.
50:24Whoa.
50:29Oh, God.
50:30Why didn't we have this in Albania?
50:40Goodbye, Lama tree.
50:45Brace fly everywhere.
50:46This is bloody brilliant.
50:50Stop there.
50:51Stop there.
50:51Jeremy, the roof's going to land on it.
50:54This was no problem
50:57because my destroyer of worlds
50:59had a special device
51:00for protecting the driver.
51:02Is that a remote control for that?
51:08Yes, it is.
51:09Do you actually drive the whole thing from there?
51:11Yes.
51:11From there?
51:12Yes.
51:13Do you know how to?
51:13No.
51:14But how hard can it be?
51:15Oh, my God.
51:20Now, stand back a bit.
51:21Really?
51:22Really?
51:22That's a good idea.
51:23At the other end of the estate,
51:30the professionals were working methodically,
51:33first removing all the roofs.
51:35And I thought I'd do the same thing
51:37with my army tank.
51:41Manted on the back of my 434
51:42is a big harpoon.
51:44I fire that over with a cable attached,
51:46connect the cable up,
51:47drive this way,
51:49pull the roof off,
51:50get on with it.
51:51Live and, well, go.
51:53Brilliant.
52:02Let's begin.
52:04The grappling hook will catch on the roof.
52:06That's it.
52:07It's caught it now.
52:08Yeah, here it comes.
52:09Pulling the roof off.
52:14Let's have a look.
52:17It's not off.
52:19On the plus side, though,
52:20the house now had
52:22another upstairs lavatory.
52:25Why have you pulled a port-a-loo
52:27over a building?
52:29You're supposed to pull the roof off.
52:30This isn't demolition.
52:32This is just stupid.
52:37Whilst Hammond persevered
52:38with his idiotic roof removal system,
52:41James was busy drawing a diagram.
52:43The four walls are precast pieces of concrete,
52:48and then in the middle we have this,
52:50which is the chimney breast,
52:51and then there are steel RSJs running across like that.
52:55Everything else in between is just wooden floorboards.
52:57So if we knock out that bit there,
53:00which is holding all of the house up,
53:02the roof and everything else
53:04will fall into a neat pile in the middle.
53:05My plan involved pulling the chimney breast out
53:08using both my winch
53:10and the sheer power of my combat tractor.
53:13But it was hard to concentrate
53:15with the orangutan around.
53:18It's got a mind of its own.
53:21Having got in everyone's way,
53:23he then started throwing massive lumps of road
53:25over the houses
53:26and into the next street.
53:28What have you done?
53:37That is a water main.
53:39Well, you're an idiot.
53:43As noon approached,
53:45our rivals were scything through their houses.
53:48But now, my ingenious cable solution
53:50would put us back in the running.
53:53Here we go.
53:54Oh, boy, it's so close.
54:02Yes!
54:03Yes!
54:04Ha, ha, ha!
54:06But despite the success,
54:08let's not forget we still had Jeremy on our side.
54:18I've lost control completely now.
54:20In the spirit of teamwork,
54:25I decided to clear up his rubbish
54:27while Hammond set about finishing off my house.
54:31Right, I'm going to give this the beans.
54:33Let's stop this about here.
54:34In we go.
54:43Oh, the roof came open.
54:45I didn't expect that.
54:46Hammond, what's happened here, mate,
54:47is you are now the foundations of the house.
54:50Uh, I think I might be a bit stuck.
54:54Well, hang on, Hammond, I'm coming.
54:58Where are you going?
55:06Oh, dear.
55:09That felt nasty.
55:11What happened then?
55:12James crashed into the corner of the house
55:14and now, basically, you've got a whole house on your head.
55:19Engine running.
55:22May then winched Hammond's tank out.
55:26But Hammond himself was still trapped inside.
55:30Happily, though,
55:31because I'd finally house-trained my machine.
55:34Walkies.
55:35Yes.
55:36Good digger.
55:37I was able to mount a rescue.
55:43Bad digger.
55:49Oh, I've scratched my tank.
55:55By now,
55:56the professionals
55:57had pulled out
55:58an enormous lead.
55:59So, to try and catch up,
56:03I decided to dig even deeper
56:04into the military toy box.
56:08Guys.
56:09What on earth is that?
56:11I'll put some explosives in the house.
56:13You might want to stand back
56:14because I'm not going to do
56:16the long walk.
56:25Is that the suit or his pilot
56:27that's making him walk like that?
56:28You've only blown the bloody door off!
56:45After that failure,
56:46we decided just to use our machines
56:48as battering rams.
56:52Come on, let's just get this job done.
56:58I'm not going to use the rotavator.
57:02It's just too perilous.
57:08Bloody hell, boy.
57:10Ha-ha!
57:19Oh, jeez.
57:20Whoa.
57:20There you go.
57:21Finally, we were really getting somewhere.
57:29Attack!
57:34Oh, no, no.
57:35Oh, my God.
57:37The professionals had finished.
57:39They had knocked everything down.
57:42Whereas we...
57:43sort of hadn't.
57:44Why don't we present them with a prize?
57:48Okay?
57:49Yeah.
57:50Standing just there.
57:51Yes.
57:52Yeah, that's a good idea.
57:52And then give them a really loud round of applause.
57:54A thunderous...
57:54Well done!
57:55Well done!
57:56Throw the thing over.
57:57Well done, well done.
57:58Can I just point out something very important?
58:07Yeah, well, as long as you're quick.
58:08Bye, Grace.
58:09Coming up, just...
58:10I know, I know, I know.
58:11Now you're wasting time saying I know.
58:13I know.
58:14I know.
58:15Say it.
58:15Listen, okay.
58:17You may have noticed during that whole sequence of knocking the houses down,
58:20not one of us was wearing a high visibility jacket, a hard hat, or substantial shoes.
58:24And I think I'm right in saying that none of us was killed.
58:27Nope, we weren't.
58:28And that is an excellent bombshell on which we could end, so...
58:30No.
58:31No, no, no, no.
58:32I want to talk more about the machine.
58:34No.
58:34No, I said in the film that this very machine, in fact, had cleared 100 anti-tank mines.
58:40And you're probably thinking, how does it survive?
58:42Not really, no.
58:43Well, I'm going to explain anyway, okay?
58:44This is one of the blades as it comes out of the factory, yeah?
58:47This one hit an anti-tank mine.
58:50A mine designed to blow up a tank, and that is the only damage that it did.
58:56This is an astonishing piece of British engineering, I think.
59:00It is, it is.
59:01We really must finish.
59:02James, what are they going to do?
59:03Cut us off?
59:05Oh, they have?
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