- 4 hours ago
Season 2 Episode 18
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
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00:00On the next MADtv, will the real like Turner please stand up?
00:05Man, you sure look like Tina.
00:07Thank you, but I'm not.
00:09This is the part of the sketch where Tina says, see ya, wouldn't want to be ya.
00:14And Mandela keeps his career options open.
00:17I just hope to use my comedy to get my points across to the UN.
00:21Or at least to get a sitcom on the UPN.
00:23Oh, no you don't!
00:25Next on MADtv.
00:26You are now watching MADtv.
00:30You are now watching MADtv.
00:36May!
00:38Tired of trying to keep track of your utensils?
00:41You want to eat, not be a utensil tracker.
00:44Why, why, why, why, why?
00:46And all that washing.
00:48If you had just one handy utensil, you could cut your cleaning time in half.
00:52Can't there be just one utensil?
00:54This is taking three times as long.
00:57Well, now there is just one utensil.
01:01With the new Snorp from Spishak, your dining problems are solved.
01:05The Snorp is the dining tool for the next millennium.
01:08Made of stain-proof titanium, its spoon portion holds a healthy five ounces of liquid,
01:12and its micro-beveled knife edge can cut through a bicycle chain.
01:15Spishak makes gobbling easy.
01:16Hey there, Mr. American Housewife.
01:21What are you going to do after finishing the dishes?
01:23Something that takes four hours, because that's the free time that the new Snorp gives you.
01:30Thank you, Spishak.
01:31The Snorp, available in quality hardware stores,
01:36buoyed in the following states, provinces, and territories.
01:38Thank you, Spishak.
02:08Hey, hey, hey, you're so crazy, you drive me by.
02:26Hey, hey, you wanna know what you want to do?
02:32yes yes yes yes thank you thank you thank you welcome to mad tv everybody
02:50now please help me bring out mr mark curry
03:02what's up what's up you know what it's good to be here you know most of you guys know me from hanging
03:09with mr cooper all right all right all right but after tonight i'm no longer an actor i'm a rapper
03:17ladies and gentlemen that's right i'm a rapper abc offered me a long-term deal i turned it down
03:22put all my money to record in the studio if you look under your seats i got a cd it's called
03:26hardcore you want me to do it for you tonight the song okay give me a little beat give me a
03:32little beat straight hardcore it's like this come on everybody say hardcore come on now
03:39say hardcore where nothing but simply hit the liquor store 440 ounce of milk
03:47say mill say ho we toast i'm 30 years old still living at my mama's house that's all right that's
03:57all right i gotta do my toys so she'll let me watch mickey mouse
04:02mickey mouse say hardcore hardcore
04:06sorry psycho
04:08say bake some cookies
04:10bake some cookies plant a tree
04:12plant a tree
04:14say lassie
04:15lassie
04:16that's right representing sesame street when you come to our block you better know your abc's
04:21og big bird snap a laugh against yeah both sides both sides both sides
04:25yeah so did you like it how'd you guys like it
04:34okay i think does that mean you liked it i guess not watch mad tv and i work on my album i guess
04:39i guess
04:57you are now watching that tv
05:09Uh, uh, hi. Hi. How you doing, ma'am? Um, um, I'm a boy scout and, um, trying to earn a little extra money for a field trip and I'm selling these light bulbs. Only $30.
05:32Um, you were here yesterday with the Salvation Army and I still don't need any light bulbs. Thank you.
05:37Um, no, that way, that might have been my brother or something. I never joined. Oh, that's okay. Let you know how durable these light bulbs are.
05:45I was saying, I never joined the Army. One leg was shorter than the other.
05:49Right, okay.
05:50You like dogs?
05:52Yeah.
05:52Okay, everybody likes dogs. I got a nice little cock of Spaniel I want to sell you, okay?
05:56Uh, you know what? I actually have a dog already, but thank you very much.
05:59Hold on, hold on, hold on. You ain't got a dog like this. Watch it.
06:03Shazam. Look at that.
06:11That's an iguana.
06:13Mm, yeah, that's what, that's what it is. Yeah, it's one of them purebred, what you call it again?
06:18Iguana.
06:19That's right, purebred iguanas hunting dogs from England. See, see, uh, see, most dogs would chase a rabbit, right?
06:25This dog would go in the hole, pull all the rabbit out. One, two, three, four, six rabbits.
06:28Right, right, right. But the thing is, it's not a dog, really. It's a lizard.
06:33If you buy it, you can call it a parakeet. To each his own. But hold on, I got something you might want.
06:38Okay.
06:39Hold on, hold on. We got more items.
06:48Okay, okay.
06:50All right.
06:50That's good. There you go. Bam, there you go. You got the wilderness channel right here.
06:55Woo, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know?
06:58Lay, you know, you need to get the elevator fixed, too. You need to talk to somebody about the elevator.
07:02They're trying to drag this thing up 15 flights of stairs. It's a mother. You know what I'm saying?
07:05Yeah, well, I can imagine.
07:06This is the same canoe that they use in the River Wild.
07:09Actually, they, uh, they use whitewater rafts in the River Wild, but whatever.
07:14No, up underneath the white raft, they had canoes out there.
07:17Oh, I didn't know that.
07:19Yeah, oh, and I just wanted to say that you are a very, very pretty lady. You're very, uh, really, I thought you was one of them ladies from 91026415.
07:28I'm not. Thank you, though. It's very, very nice of you.
07:31Um, is this your canoe?
07:34Um, huh?
07:36Canoe. Is this your canoe?
07:37Oh, yeah, this is, yeah, this canoe, actually, the history of this canoe, I won the gold medal in 1907 with this canoe.
07:44But they didn't give me my gold medal because they said I stole somebody.
07:47I didn't steal them sweatsuits.
07:48That wasn't me.
07:49That wasn't me, right?
07:49Of course not, no.
07:50Anyway, um, when I was a little kid, my mom used to always be up, boy, come on in, get out that canoe and come on, eat dinner.
07:56I'd just be rowing and rowing and rowing and rowing and rowing and rowing and rowing and rowing and rowing and rowing and rowing and rowing.
08:00And we live in the projects like 100 miles from the river.
08:03Just on a street.
08:04You were just rowing.
08:04Yeah, the sparks and stuff coming up.
08:06You're going, you know.
08:07Always practicing, always practicing.
08:09Yeah, no, good for you, good for you.
08:11But, to be honest with you, lady, I love chatting with you, but I have a lot of business opportunities I need to do.
08:15Right.
08:15And I just need a little $30 for this treatment so I can get back to the Olympics and get my thing going on.
08:19Right.
08:20I would love to help you out, but, you know, I don't have any need for a canoe.
08:23I'm sorry.
08:24Okay.
08:24All right.
08:24Well, that's all good, you know.
08:26I'll tell you what.
08:27I throw the guana in with the canoe, $30.
08:30It's a good fishing dog.
08:31Hold it by the tail.
08:32Get everything in bed.
08:34How about I write you a check?
08:37I'll write you a check for $30 to your treatment center, wherever you tell me to make it out to.
08:41Guss and them down at the house don't take checks.
08:44Right.
08:45They take checks.
08:46Now, if you want to give me a blank one, they take that.
08:48I can't do that.
08:49Thank you, though.
08:49What about Burt Reynolds?
08:50I'll get you Burt Reynolds.
08:51You can get me Burt Reynolds.
08:53What's going on?
08:53Are you okay over here?
08:54What's going on?
08:55How are you doing?
08:55Everything's fine.
08:56Thank you, sweetie.
08:56I was just leaving.
08:57This guy was here yesterday.
08:58Oh!
08:59An iguana!
09:00The same thing.
09:01The man knows his hunting dog.
09:02That's right.
09:04I'll tell you what, homeboy.
09:06Isn't you that lady's man?
09:08$30 for the canoe and the guana.
09:10Sweetie, I don't think this is his stuff to sell.
09:12You got yourself a deal, my friend.
09:13Oh, my goodness.
09:14Life is very much, friend.
09:16I just wanted to say, God bless you people.
09:17I really appreciate this, helping the Boy Scouts of America in the Olympics.
09:21Before you canoe, I want to make sure that you guys put on your seatbelts.
09:25Life jackets.
09:26Yeah, life jackets.
09:27Put on both of those combined.
09:29Now, remember, only you can put a Van Forest fire.
09:37Sweetie, buana?
09:39Honey, give me a hand on this canoe.
09:40The thing is huge.
09:41Honey?
09:42Honey, what did I say?
09:44Honey?
09:44Oh, come on.
09:45What?
09:45What's the big deal?
09:46Do I just stop?
09:51Honey, honey, honey.
09:53Come on, come on.
09:55Come on, come on.
09:56Come on, come on.
09:57Boy, this dog whip this.
09:59Yeah.
09:59This dog whip this.
10:00You've been watching too much Cops.
10:01There you go.
10:02I am starving. Where is that pizza?
10:18Who is it?
10:20I got a delivery here for Mr. Tina Turner.
10:22It's about time. It would have been faster if I made the damn thing myself.
10:26Pizza!
10:32Ike, what are you doing here?
10:36What the hell it look like I'm doing here, Adam A?
10:38Thanks to you and that sack of lies you call a movie,
10:40the only job I can get now is delivering these damn pizzas.
10:44Serves you right.
10:45You know, that's just the kind of non-gratitude attitude I expect from somebody like you.
10:48Here's your eight bucks. Now get lost.
10:51Eight, eight, eight, eight, eight, eight dollars?
10:53Eight, eight, eight dollars, Adam A? All you give me is a 30 cent tip?
10:55I'll give you more than that if you don't get your ass on out of here.
10:59Oh, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
11:00Wait, I did not order anchovies.
11:04I'd have made everybody know a pizza ain't a pizza without no damn anchovies on.
11:07I did not order anchovies.
11:10When I met you, you didn't know a difference between a pizza and a corn dog.
11:13Now look at you.
11:14Don't start with me, Ike, okay?
11:15Ike Turner taught you everything you know about pizza.
11:18And what I get in return, huh?
11:19Huh? A 30 cent tip and some non-gratitude attitude.
11:22I said don't start with me, Ike.
11:24Now look, Ike.
11:25Ike Turner, what are you doing here?
11:28What the hell do you mean, what am I doing here, Adam A?
11:31I'm delivering them damn pizzas.
11:33That's what I'm doing.
11:35What? What?
11:36Oh, now first this buddhistic chant and now it's all this sign language.
11:39Oh, you're going to cut my head off.
11:40That's what it is.
11:41You don't want to meet the real life channel up in here, do you?
11:43You want to meet him?
11:43You're not going to know.
11:44You mean if you want.
11:57Ike Turner, ladies and gentlemen.
11:59Hey, Ike Turner.
12:05Ike, man, I didn't think you were going to be here until next week.
12:08Nope, this week.
12:09Ooh, got to start reading the memos.
12:13Look, we were just doing a scene, but we're done now.
12:15We're finished.
12:16Nope, according to my script, we only half done.
12:22Um, you have the wrong script.
12:23Yeah, that's the long one.
12:24Yeah, everything's changed.
12:25Oh, that's all different.
12:25It's all different now.
12:26Let's go on.
12:27Man, you sure look like Tina.
12:31Thank you, but I'm not.
12:33You look like Tina, though.
12:33Shut up.
12:34I'm Deborah Wilson, and, um, in fact, this is the part of the sketch where Tina, played
12:40by Deborah Wilson, grabs the pizza and says, see ya, wouldn't want to be ya.
12:49So then what happened?
12:51Uh, well, then, um, me, Ike, um, then I say, um, uh, look here, Anna Mae, um, I want you
13:00to enjoy that pizza, uh, because I, I continue to deliver pizzas to all of the less fortunate
13:07people of the world, because, man, you know what?
13:10You got a lot of nerve coming on national TV playing me.
13:13Like, man, I, I didn't want to do it.
13:14They made me do it.
13:15But, but don't worry about it.
13:17Don't worry about it.
13:18I think you did a better job than Larry Fishburne.
13:20Yeah, at least you didn't get me beat up in the back of a car.
13:24Thanks.
13:24In fact, I'm working on a strip right now, a one-man show called Give Em Hell Eye, and I'm
13:29going to want you to play me.
13:30Gee, Ike, I don't, I don't know what to say.
13:32Don't call me Ike.
13:33Call me Mr. Turner.
13:34Yes, sir.
13:35You know, now, the way I see it, you and I can write this strip together, you know,
13:39so you can go hold up in the car.
13:40Oh, man.
13:59Have a nice nap, little one.
14:06Hello, I'm Fran Drescher.
14:09Isn't he a little cutie?
14:11So adorable, angelic, and dependent.
14:14Everybody loves babies.
14:17Except when babies attack.
14:20There are over 400 baby attacks in America each year.
14:32Of those attacks, over 300 are on nannies.
14:37The fact that a nanny has no maternal attachment and is alone with a child makes her extremely
14:42vulnerable and a favorite target.
14:45I am standing in the actual nursery of a particularly brutal attack.
14:51The parents of this baby suspected the nanny of theft and monitored the household with hidden
14:56cameras.
14:57What they found was completely unexpected.
15:01Doing a routine check, she finds the child has mysteriously disappeared.
15:08As you can see, the room is filled with several dolls.
15:11Keep your eye on the supposed doll.
15:18The baby takes the nanny down by severing the tendons in the back of the leg.
15:25The nanny is now helpless.
15:28And as you will now see, just before the tape ran out, several other babies from nearby houses
15:34caught the scent and descended on the fallen nanny.
15:37The feeding continued until only her skeletal remains were found.
15:42I tell you, that's no way to lose weight.
15:46This next chilling piece is from an interview with the only known survivor of a twin baby
15:52attack.
15:52I was a resident priest at a small midwestern parish.
15:58Came home one evening to find a baby in a basket on the stoop.
16:03And then when I bent down to pick it up, that's when the other one attacked.
16:09Those little f***ers were playing good baby, bad baby.
16:13I must have my f***ing face and a good f***ing part of my ass.
16:17I'm no longer in the priesthood.
16:21And I thought the Olsen twins was scary.
16:25Our next clip is from 1978.
16:28It's one of the first documented cases.
16:31This attack is on an unsuspecting babysitter.
16:37Notice how the baby maneuvers itself into an attack position.
16:42Let's watch.
16:42Hi, it's me.
16:44It's about 6.30.
16:45And I'll be putting the baby to bed around 8 o'clock, so.
16:52So, um, if you want to come over after that.
16:58If you want to come over, uh, that'll be.
17:06How'd you get over here?
17:07I didn't see you.
17:09Anyway.
17:10The phone call she was making was to her boyfriend.
17:18Her last words were recorded on an answering machine.
17:22Oh, God, the baby's eating my face.
17:25Get off me.
17:27Our father, Lord, is out.
17:31Frightening.
17:32A final attack was caught on tape by amateur video.
17:36I was just standing here trying out my new camera.
17:39I was just, like, shooting stuff, you know, shooting stuff and trying out my new camera.
17:43And there was, like, three nannies over there waiting for the bus.
17:46And that's when it happened.
17:48I thought it was a bunch of kites or them flying squirrels or something.
17:52And then I saw these babies.
17:54I was scared as hell.
17:58I mean, I knew I couldn't save them.
17:59Them sons of bitches had a good grip.
18:01You know, them baby fangs sunk in deep on them nannies.
18:05So I started running off.
18:07And that's when I saw this one nanny full of babies.
18:09I guess she was trying to get to that hose over there.
18:16Maybe hose the babies off.
18:19But she never made it.
18:21She never made it.
18:23It's an expression we hear far too often when it comes to baby attacks.
18:28It's hard to say how a nanny should protect herself when looking after someone else's child.
18:33I'm just glad the children I look after are actors.
18:36I'm Fran Drescia.
18:39Join us next time on...
18:41When Babies Attack.
18:46Now stay tuned for a new exclusive Fox special when shotguns misfire.
18:58Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome his first time on MADtv a man who's very, very dear to my heart.
19:04Mr. Pablo Francisco.
19:24My name is Pablo Francisco.
19:25I am Latino.
19:26But don't worry, I'm not the annoying Latino that gets in your face, you know.
19:29Hey, Latinos forever!
19:32Hey, man, you like to...
19:33Yeah, man, forever!
19:34My name's not even really Pablo.
19:37My real name's actually Damien, but, uh, didn't like that too much.
19:40You know, kind of, kind of evil, isn't it?
19:41You know, hey, what's your name?
19:42Damien.
19:43All right.
19:44All right, what's your middle name?
19:46Malachi.
19:47All right.
19:47Should've seen my first day in school.
19:49Hi, uh, my name is, uh, Damien and I'm six, six, six years old.
19:53Oh, no, but my parents, you know, they're from, uh, Chile.
20:00They watch a lot of that Spanish, you know, soap opera stuff.
20:03But, this is my impression of every Spanish soap opera.
20:11Here we go, here we go.
20:12Maria.
20:13Maria.
20:15Oh, ay, ay, ay.
20:17Oh, ay, ay, ay.
20:20Maria.
20:24Maria.
20:24Maria.
20:24Oh, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.
20:54Por qué?
21:03Hey, thank you.
21:06Good old crowd.
21:10I think the real reason you really watch the soap opera is because the women are so hot, aren't they?
21:15The Latin women are just good.
21:16I mean, it's right now, man.
21:18Perrico.
21:20Oh, they're beautiful, you know, because, not because, you know, they're Latino, but if you get in a fight or something,
21:24they'll jump in and help you out, too.
21:25You know what I'm talking about?
21:27My neighborhood, you got a Mexican girlfriend, you don't need a big brother.
21:29They'll come, they'll walk in the party.
21:32Hey, is Pablo here?
21:33Yeah, what's going on?
21:33He's my boyfriend.
21:36Stupid.
21:39Yeah, man, if you see him, I'm gonna kick his ass.
21:42Hey, you know, don't talk to me like you know me.
21:47No, you come to my party looking for Pablo.
21:49You know what?
21:49I'll kick your ass, ese.
21:51Hey, man, what are you calling me?
21:53A term paper?
21:53Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
21:55No, let go of me, Pablo.
21:56No, come, no, let go.
21:58Come.
22:02Oh, you're still alive.
22:06You want some more?
22:07Huh?
22:07You want some more, Pablo?
22:08Hold my baby.
22:09Come on, let's go.
22:11Thank you very much.
22:18Coming up on MADtv.
22:23I ain't had sex in 47 years.
22:25I'm about as tight as Nancy Reagan.
22:27I just hope to use my comedy to get my points across to the UN.
22:31Or at least to get a sitcom on the UPA.
22:33Oh, no, you don't.
22:35I am in love with a serial killer.
22:38Oh, that's great.
22:40Me!
22:48Live from Hollywood, it's the Kenny Kingston Show.
23:00Starring world-renowned psychic and spirit guide to the stars, Kenny Kingston.
23:04With Kenny's co-host, Ike Turner.
23:06And now, here's Kenny.
23:15Woo-woo-woo-woo!
23:16Woo-woo-woo!
23:17Woo-woo-woo, yes!
23:18Woo-woo-woo, absolutely.
23:20Thank you, sweet spirits.
23:22Welcome one and all.
23:24Yes.
23:25Ike-ster, how be you, old friend?
23:28Get on with it, man.
23:30Right.
23:31Because we've got so much show tonight.
23:33But we do have time for one psychic reading.
23:35Who wants a reading?
23:36Who?
23:37Who may I give a message to?
23:38Yes, this lady here.
23:40Yes, you.
23:40Come on down.
23:41Yes.
23:41Ike, how about grabbing your git box and playing us a little spirit music, huh?
23:45Nope.
23:47Good call.
23:47Probably doesn't need it.
23:48Hello, dear.
23:50Hello, hello.
23:52I need your name three times for clairaudio.
23:55Celia, Celia, Celia.
23:58And you've been troubled, haven't you, Celia?
24:00Yes, I have.
24:01Yes, yes.
24:01And I'm seeing an important person in your life.
24:03I'm seeing a John.
24:04No.
24:05Johnson?
24:06No.
24:06Jones?
24:07No.
24:07Joanne?
24:08It's Jean.
24:09Jean, right.
24:09I could see the J.
24:10It's with a G.
24:11But it has the ja sound.
24:13Right.
24:14And she hasn't been well.
24:15It's a he.
24:16And you two just met?
24:17He's my father.
24:18And now, thank goodness, he's feeling better.
24:21He died.
24:23And it made you sad, didn't it?
24:25Yes, it did.
24:25Yes, yes, yes.
24:26But Celia, the spirits tell me he's happy now.
24:29Oh, that's good.
24:30Yes, thank you, sweet spirits.
24:32Okay, okay, okay.
24:36Say hello to my soul, brother in crime, and a dear, dear man, Mr. Ike Turner.
24:50Kick this sucker into high gear.
24:53Well, so, Ike, what's been happening with you?
24:58None.
25:02Any big weekend plans?
25:06Nope.
25:13Anyway, I'm so excited about my first guest.
25:16He is making his television debut.
25:18Please give a warm, warm welcome for a very funny man, President Nelson Mandela.
25:32It is very good to be here.
25:34Of course, I just flew in from Soweto, so it's good to be anywhere.
25:37Oh, no, no, no.
25:40You know, flying can be such a pain in the neck.
25:44They say the only thing that will survive a plane crash is the black box.
25:48Then they ask you if you would like an aisle seat or a window seat.
25:52Personally, I would like a seat in the black box.
25:54But, you know, life can be so crazy sometimes.
26:02Take my ex-wife to prison.
26:04Ooh.
26:07But, speaking of prison, as you know, I was there for 27 years.
26:13Yes, yes, yes.
26:16Thank you very much.
26:19And during my time in prison, I had some very famous cellmates.
26:26Here is one now.
26:28Reverend Jim from Taxi.
26:30Oh.
26:30Oh, okay, dokey, Nelson.
26:38Okay, dokey.
26:44Now, before I go, I would like to give you a joke that you can take home with you.
26:49How many Rwandans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
26:54None.
26:55Because there is no electricity in Rwanda.
26:57And that is something that should be addressed by the United Nations.
27:01You've been a wonderful audience.
27:02Bravo!
27:04Bravo!
27:05Bravo!
27:09Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
27:13Thank you, Kenny.
27:14So, you're doing stand-up.
27:15Yes.
27:16Didn't I tell you?
27:17You did.
27:17You said that.
27:19You know, it's funny, because I remember many years ago,
27:22I asked P.W. Bota for equal rights for all races.
27:25Yes, yes.
27:26And he looked at me and he said,
27:27What are you, a comedian?
27:29Oh!
27:31But seriously, though,
27:33I just hope to use my comedy to get my points across to the UN.
27:37Of course.
27:38Or at least to get a sitcom on the UPN.
27:40Oh, no, you don't!
27:42No, you don't.
27:43You keep getting...
27:44You...
27:45Mike, what is wrong?
27:50Nothing.
27:50Could you scoot over, Nelson, please?
27:53Of course.
27:53You have been moping around here like an old sourpuss for days.
27:58Leave it alone, man.
28:00No, no, no, no, no.
28:00Let me see here.
28:01Let me see.
28:04I sense unresolved anger.
28:07Something about a bad career choice.
28:10I love watching this man work.
28:12And I'm seeing the letter K.
28:16It's in my head, lose man.
28:18It's okay.
28:19I still have clear audio.
28:22Um...
28:22No, two Ks.
28:23K...
28:24K...
28:25Kenny Kingston?
28:27Nelson, please.
28:27This is serious.
28:30Ike...
28:30Ike, the spirits are telling me if there is someone or something that is annoying you or eating at you,
28:39you've got to do something about it.
28:40Sweet spirits!
28:43Ouch, that's got to hurt.
28:46You didn't see that one coming, did you, psychic?
28:51That's our show for today.
28:53And I will be appearing all week at Tortolinos in Hot Springs along with Jeff Dunham and Peanut,
28:57so if you can make it out there, come on now.
29:00Check it out.
29:00In 1995, Larry Blevins traveled to Florence,
29:17where he discovered on the slopes of the Andalina Hills the rare run full of roses,
29:22which only grow for three weeks in the spring,
29:24and then when only the rainfall is exactly right.
29:26So at great expense to himself and his family,
29:29he brought the rare run full of roses to America,
29:32where he's selling them to you at no profit to himself.
29:36No profit.
29:37That's right.
29:38Not a penny.
29:40This selfless man wants only to bring the beauty of flowers
29:43to this miserable, petty country
29:46that will very probably spit on him and scorn this beautiful individual's gift of love.
29:51And you, sitting there on your couch,
29:54probably full of bourbon,
29:55and not caring that this man has gone bankrupt,
29:57lost his family,
29:58and had a nervous breakdown.
29:59Run full of roses.
30:00If you can't make this all financial sacrifice,
30:02$75 for a dozen,
30:04for limited time only.
30:05Give a gift of love from someone who loves gifts of love.
30:08Available at Wallsmarc for three weeks only.
30:11And beg Larry Blevins for forgiveness.
30:13Bastards!
30:15Mad.
30:15Yes.
30:16You got that down.
30:17Crazy.
30:17Mad TV.
30:18Come on.
30:19Yes.
30:19Come on.
30:21You are now watching Mad TV.
30:25Mad TV.
30:32That was a lovely service, wasn't it?
30:34It sure was.
30:36Listen, do you want to have coffee with me tomorrow morning?
30:38Oh, I can't.
30:39I'm going to be on TV.
30:40You're kidding.
30:40What show?
30:41Jerry Springer.
30:42Oh, I love that show.
30:43What's the topic?
30:44My mother dresses like a prostitute.
30:47So you're bringing little Sarah on with you?
30:49No, no.
30:49Actually, I'm bringing my mother.
30:50Be sure to watch.
30:51Or will.
30:52Oh, be sure to watch me on Sally.
30:54Oh, what did you do?
30:55Too ugly to be a stripper.
30:57I thought you did that already.
30:58Oh, no, no, no.
30:59That was You're Not All That on Maury.
31:00That's right.
31:01You were wonderful.
31:02You really are not all that.
31:04Oh, thank you.
31:05Sure.
31:06Listen, are you busy Wednesday?
31:08I think I'm free.
31:10Oh, you want to go on Montel?
31:11He's looking for people who drink their own bath water.
31:13Oh, can't.
31:14I drink my husband's.
31:15Oh, shoot.
31:16I'm sorry.
31:17Talk about your sophisticated palate.
31:19Oh, you.
31:19How is tiny?
31:20He's wonderful.
31:21He's up to 1,800 pounds now.
31:23He only eats whole ducks.
31:25But you know what?
31:26Everyone in his family's kind of big boned.
31:27Oh, there's Dave.
31:29Hi, Dave.
31:30Hi, Dave.
31:30You missed the bake sale yesterday.
31:32Shame, shame, shame.
31:32Yeah, well, it was on The Price is Right.
31:34Oh.
31:34That's great.
31:35Did you win?
31:36No, I got kicked off for being drunk.
31:37Oh, shoot.
31:39No, it worked out great because the people from Jenny Jones saw me
31:41and they put me on I Got Kicked Off The Price is Right for Being Drunk.
31:43Oh, how'd that go?
31:46Well, you know what?
31:46I got a little violent and then, you know, wound up on cops.
31:49Oh.
31:50They had them blur my face out and stuff.
31:51Right, right.
31:51But you still recognize me because I'm naked.
31:53Oh, great.
31:55Well, I will never forget that little thing you did on Gordon Elliott.
31:58Still streaking.
31:59Oh, legendary.
32:01That was wonderful.
32:02There's my mom.
32:03Hi.
32:04Now, don't forget to wear your rubber bustier tomorrow.
32:07Got it on right under my dress.
32:09Great.
32:10And your nipple ring.
32:11I never take it off.
32:12Oh, great.
32:12And remember, I hate you.
32:15Of course not.
32:16Oh, isn't she a doll?
32:18There's my baby.
32:19Hi, Sarah.
32:20Good news, everyone.
32:22What?
32:23I am in love with a serial killer.
32:25Oh, but it's great.
32:28Sweetie, I haven't seen you this happy since you had the transsexual makeover on Leesa.
32:32Wait, wait, you're transsexual?
32:34Nice work.
32:37So listen, Mom, I'm doing the whole circuit, okay?
32:39I'm going to be gone all next month.
32:40But do you want to do my transsexual daughter is in love with a serial killer on Ricky Lake when I come back?
32:48I would love to.
32:49Oh, Mom, I love you.
32:51That's my sweetheart.
32:53Okay, guys, we'll see you later.
32:54Okay.
32:55Bye.
32:55Bye.
32:56Oh, that is so sweet.
32:57Yeah, that's a great thing.
33:00Man, those Geraldo people are idiots.
33:03Oh, Peter, not again.
33:05Yeah, they bumped me for baby piercing.
33:08Again?
33:08Man, you are trying too hard.
33:10Yeah, just be yourself.
33:11Yeah, right.
33:12Oh, come on, man.
33:13Do the best you can.
33:14Someone's going to notice.
33:15Oh, it's easy for you to say.
33:16You got your twin brother living inside you.
33:18Oh, hey, you know what?
33:20Let me buy a cup of coffee.
33:21I'd like to, but I can't.
33:23Just received a telepathic message from my alien masters.
33:25They want me back on the mothership for more experiments.
33:31There he goes again, trying too hard.
33:33Always.
33:34How about some coffee?
33:35Let's do it.
33:36Did I tell you I'm going to be on Sally?
33:37Yeah.
33:51Well, I hope you're satisfied.
34:02You people didn't buy a single run full of rose.
34:05But Larry Blevins, the kindest man ever to walk the face of the earth, has decided to
34:10pull himself up by his bootstraps and bring to you his collection of happy thimbles, each
34:15painstakingly painted by Larry Blevins himself.
34:18Hours of late-night painting with a jeweler's glass has left him blind and arthritic, but
34:26he still managed to build a little wooden rack to display them in.
34:30An old man, recovering from a nervous breakdown, desperately building little wooden racks for
34:37thimbles that a heartless public won't even buy.
34:40And you, sitting there like a rotting tuna, hell-bound and heroin-soaked, sneering as
34:47Larry Blevins' life turns into a demon-haunted nightmare.
34:51Happy thimbles.
34:52From Larry Blevins.
34:53A gift of love.
34:54A gift of mercy.
34:56Available in limited quantities at all walls-mort locations.
34:58Is by getting off your fat asses right now and buying these happy, happy thimbles, you...
35:04You bastards!
35:34Look, it's over.
35:42I'm sorry, Larry.
35:43You're just a little too immature for me, and frankly, it's time for me to move on.
35:46I'm sorry.
35:47Oh, wait a minute.
35:48Wait.
35:49Just like that?
35:51Just like that.
35:53I don't...
35:53Eight years.
35:54I...
35:55All right.
36:00Larry?
36:01I knew you would reconsider, honey.
36:02Maybe we need to communicate, go on a cruise or something.
36:04No, no, no.
36:05Just chill out.
36:05No, no, no.
36:05I just...
36:06I just wanted a hug goodbye.
36:08Oh, just one...
36:09That's why I came and sat down so we would be eye-level.
36:11I know.
36:12Yeah, I'll hug, too.
36:13Goodbye.
36:20I mean, that wasn't too harsh, was it?
36:22I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.
36:23Well, what do you mean by that?
36:30Excuse me.
36:31Excuse me.
36:32Is this a seat taken?
36:33Oh, God.
36:34What are you doing?
36:35Wait a minute.
36:36Oh, wait a minute.
36:37Now, now, I know you're June, right?
36:39Larry Craven's old girlfriend.
36:40How you doing?
36:42Wait a minute.
36:42You and Larry still together?
36:45Oh, don't tell me you broke up with Larry.
36:47Oh, I don't believe it.
36:48Man.
36:49This is pathetic, and you're only helping me prove my point.
36:52You're proving the point that I can't believe you broke up with Larry.
36:55Oh, homeboy.
36:56Let me get a scotch.
36:58Larry, Larry, you hate scotch.
37:00Lady, lady, lady.
37:01My name is George, right?
37:03Larry hates scotch.
37:04I've been drinking scotch since I was 13 years old.
37:06Mm-hmm.
37:07Love scotch.
37:08Mm-hmm.
37:10Mm-hmm.
37:11Mm-hmm.
37:11Mm-hmm.
37:11Mm-hmm.
37:11Mm-hmm.
37:11Mm-hmm.
37:13Mm-hmm.
37:14Mm-hmm.
37:14Mm-hmm.
37:14Mm-hmm.
37:14Mm-hmm.
37:14Mm-hmm.
37:15Mm-hmm.
37:15Mm-hmm.
37:16Mm-hmm.
37:16Mm-hmm.
37:17Mm-hmm.
37:17Mm-hmm.
37:17Mm-hmm.
37:18Mm-hmm.
37:22Let's give you spasms.
37:23Larry, last year it put you in the hospital, remember?
37:26Let it, let it, let it, let it, let it.
37:27My name is George, all right?
37:28George, okay?
37:30My name ain't Larry.
37:31Maybe peanuts get Larry spasms, but they don't get George spasms.
37:34When I go on the plane, I order extra peanuts.
37:35Look.
37:35Mm-mm.
37:36Mm-mm.
37:36I got these for cash years.
37:38They're so good.
37:38Mm.
37:39Okay.
37:39Are you happy?
37:40Are you through?
37:41Now, please, leave.
37:44You want me to leave?
37:45Oh, oh, okay, because I know Larry I got to leave.
37:47You know what I'm saying, homeboy?
37:49Guilty by association.
37:50We'll put this on her tab now, sir.
37:51I got to leave him.
37:53I'll play to this public thing.
37:55Do you see that?
37:56Do you see what I mean?
37:57Seems to me like that guy really likes you.
37:59Please.
37:59He's just being childish.
38:01That's the way you see it.
38:10Hi, excuse me.
38:13Is this she shaking?
38:15Mm.
38:16Young lady, you look so sad.
38:19Mm-mm.
38:20Mm.
38:20That grandma talked to you for a minute.
38:24And peanuts is making my all-time assistant.
38:27It's making a jump.
38:29Look into my eyes.
38:30I'd like to tell you a little story.
38:32When I was your age, I broke up with my man in a bar, something like this.
38:38And I've been lonely all my life.
38:40I should have stayed with him.
38:42I ain't had sex in 47 years.
38:44I'm about as tight as Nancy Reagan.
38:46That's the way it is.
38:48Well, let me ask you something, then.
38:50This man of yours, was he also a sports-watching, hard-headed, immature, lazy slob with no ambition
38:55and lousy in bed?
38:57Get it through your head.
38:58It is time for me to be with someone else, all right?
39:00Not you.
39:01It is over.
39:01You got an attitude.
39:03That's your problem.
39:04That's what it is.
39:05You need to go to church or something.
39:07Mm-hmm.
39:08I wish I had somebody who loved me that much.
39:15What are you, high?
39:16Well, I guess I'm just a stupid romantic, but you got it all figured out, don't you?
39:20Yeah, I guess I do, and it's just the guys sticking up for the guys.
39:28Look at all them groceries there.
39:31Who are you waiting for, girl?
39:34I'm waiting for you.
39:37Peanuts.
39:37No, it's all good.
39:38Oh, no.
39:39See, I love a man who loves peanuts.
39:44Good, huh?
39:46You know what?
39:49Why don't we skip all this small talk and go back to my place?
39:54Then we could, you know, uh...
39:56Wait a minute.
39:58We used to do that.
40:01Wait, wait, wait.
40:02Larry, that's you.
40:04Larry, that's you.
40:08I've been gone five minutes,
40:10and all of a sudden you wouldn't have dressed up as Barney in high heels for somebody else.
40:13You said you'd only do that for me.
40:14I'll tell you what.
40:16I'll tell you what.
40:17Listen up, people.
40:18Listen up.
40:18Listen up.
40:19I am single, ladies.
40:21I am...
40:21Sorry, brothers.
40:22No dudes.
40:22No dudes.
40:23Don't go up here.
40:24All right?
40:24Ladies, listen up.
40:25I am single, tall, and I'll drive a BMW.
40:27I'll be sitting right here.
40:32Well?
40:33Dolph did it.
40:35Bye.
40:36Wait.
40:36Wait, woman.
40:37You're going to regret this.
40:39You're going to...
40:39First of all, get these teenagers away from me.
40:42I'm going to have the spasms, okay?
40:44Look, I need some asking.
40:46Come on.
40:47I'm going to have some spasms.
40:49I'm going to have them.
40:49I'm going to have them.
40:50I need some help, man.
40:52I'm going to have them.
40:53Larry Blevins is dead.
41:00I hope you're happy.
41:02At 7.10 this morning, Larry Blevins, blind, arthritic, and completely insane, put a gun to his head and ended the misery that you murderous bastards began.
41:11But before he died, he managed to make a limited edition of these things.
41:18I don't even know what the hell they are.
41:20Just buy them, you murderers.
41:22There's just eight of them.
41:23These things.
41:24From Larry Blevins' collection.
41:26A gift of love from the final moments of a tortured mind.
41:29Available from Walshmark.
41:31One for a customer.
41:34Yes!
41:35Yes, I've been laughing!
41:36Ah!
41:37Ah!
41:37Ah!
41:38Ah!
41:38Ah!
41:39Ah!
41:40Ah!
41:40Ah!
41:41Ah!
41:41Ah!
41:42Ah!
41:42Ah!
41:43Ah!
41:43Ah!
41:44Ah!
41:44Ah!
41:45Ah!
41:45Ah!
41:46Ah!
41:46Ah!
41:47Ah!
41:47Ah!
41:48Ah!
41:48Ah!
41:49Ah!
41:49Ah!
41:50Ah!
41:51Ah!
41:51Ah!
41:52Ah!
41:52Ah!
41:53Ah!
41:53Ah!
41:54Ah!
41:54Ah!
41:55Ah!
41:55Ah!
41:56Ah!
41:56All right.
41:57Thank you, guys.
41:57That's our show for tonight.
41:58Hope you guys had a good time.
42:00I want to thank our cast.
42:01Give it up for the cast right here.
42:03Oh, thank you, man.
42:04And remember, keep watching MAD-TV!
42:08Yes!
42:09Yes, yes, yes, yes.
42:10Yes!
42:11Oh, no!
42:13Oh, no!
42:14Oh, no!
42:16Oh, no!
42:17Oh, no!
42:18Oh, no!
42:19Oh, my God.
42:49Oh, my God.
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