- 4 months ago
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FunTranscript
00:00:00.
00:00:30The title of this group of paintings is Seductio Ad Absurdum,
00:00:38in which we're seeing, I suppose, an incongruous juxtaposition
00:00:41between the sensuous and the fetuous.
00:00:44Yes. I was trying, through a set of rather mischievous images,
00:00:48to question our received ideals of female beautification.
00:00:52Traditionally, women are induced from adolescence onwards
00:00:55to paint out their personality,
00:00:57to falsify their femininity in pursuit of an imposed cosmetic standard.
00:01:02To me, as an artist, beauty is purity.
00:01:06I think it's a shame we're so often made to feel guilty about our natural features,
00:01:10about the very essence of what defines us as individuals.
00:01:14Headley Shale, thank you, and good luck with the exhibition.
00:01:16Pleasure.
00:01:27Pleasure.
00:01:28Pleasure.
00:01:29Pleasure.
00:01:30Pleasure.
00:01:31Pleasure.
00:01:32Pleasure.
00:01:33Pleasure.
00:01:34Pleasure.
00:01:35Pleasure.
00:01:36Pleasure.
00:01:37Pleasure.
00:01:38Pleasure.
00:01:39Pleasure.
00:01:40Pleasure.
00:01:41Pleasure.
00:01:42Pleasure.
00:01:43Pleasure.
00:01:44Pleasure.
00:01:45Pleasure.
00:01:46Pleasure.
00:01:47Pleasure.
00:01:48Pleasure.
00:01:49Pleasure.
00:01:50Pleasure.
00:01:51Pleasure.
00:01:52Pleasure.
00:01:53Pleasure.
00:01:54Pleasure.
00:01:55Isn't that, er...
00:02:13Nude study number 12, oil on canvas.
00:02:16Oh, I knew the face was familiar.
00:02:19You're so transparent I may throw up.
00:02:25I love you.
00:02:55Well, that brings back memories. Anyone I know?
00:03:07All from photographs this time. Haven't had a live model in months.
00:03:12You must be losing your touch.
00:03:17Bye, darling.
00:03:25Hi, it's me. She just left.
00:03:31I don't know. I don't care.
00:03:34I just want you to get round here and make me bark like a sea lion.
00:03:55Good morning, Helen.
00:04:15Morning, Joy. Good weekend?
00:04:17Not bad, thanks. You?
00:04:18Fine. If you could hold all calls till lunchtime, I'd like to seal myself off, get this paste up sorted.
00:04:23Fine, I'll try and make sure you...
00:04:27Serena Shell's office?
00:04:29I'm sorry, she's not at the...
00:04:32Well, if you'd like to leave your...
00:04:34No, but I'm afraid it's...
00:04:36No, but she...
00:04:38Yes.
00:04:39Yes, one second, then. What name was it?
00:04:44Sorry, Serena. Quick one before you settle.
00:04:46Davina Yates sent us a spec portfolio. What do we think?
00:04:50Too short, too fat, and a very serious eyebrow problem.
00:04:53Right. Only she'd like her pickies back, so...
00:04:55Okay, if you make it quick.
00:04:57Very quick.
00:05:15Won't disturb you again.
00:05:16Hello, Danny, DeVito, Davina. Have you done much professional modelling, may I ask?
00:05:33Can I ask?
00:06:03Sirena Shell's office.
00:06:06I'm sorry she can't right now. Can I get her to call you back?
00:06:12Morning!
00:06:14Doesn't he ever give you a day off on that vacuum cleaner?
00:06:18If it breaks down, you can come and lie underneath it.
00:06:21Okay.
00:06:22Yep.
00:06:23Fine.
00:06:24Bye.
00:06:25Fine.
00:06:26Fine.
00:06:27Bye.
00:06:55Bye.
00:06:56Bye.
00:06:57Bye.
00:06:58Bye.
00:07:00Bye.
00:07:07What is this?
00:07:09What do you think you...
00:07:10What do you think you...
00:08:12What happened?
00:08:16I don't know.
00:08:42I don't know.
00:09:12I don't know.
00:09:14I don't know.
00:09:16I don't know.
00:09:18I don't know.
00:09:24I don't know.
00:09:26I don't know.
00:09:28I don't know.
00:09:29I don't know.
00:09:30I don't know.
00:09:31I don't know.
00:09:32I don't know.
00:09:33I don't know.
00:09:34I don't know.
00:09:35I don't know.
00:09:36I don't know.
00:09:37I don't know.
00:09:38I don't know.
00:09:39I don't know.
00:09:40I don't know.
00:09:41I don't know.
00:09:42I don't know.
00:09:43I don't know.
00:09:45I don't know.
00:09:46I don't know.
00:09:47I don't know.
00:09:48I don't know.
00:09:49I don't know.
00:09:50I don't know.
00:09:51I don't know.
00:09:52I don't know.
00:09:53I don't know.
00:09:54I don't know.
00:09:55I don't know.
00:09:56But I don't know.
00:09:58You know, are I done?
00:10:00I don't know.
00:10:01You know?
00:10:11Are you aware that your husband had a lover?
00:10:12This French model, Francesca discussion.
00:10:16I can't take any of this in.
00:10:21Well, this is how it was told to us.
00:10:25Miss Boutron arrived at your house around 9.15.
00:10:30She and your husband made love for two hours,
00:10:32rose and showered together,
00:10:34and then when she was in the bedroom getting ready to leave,
00:10:37he went downstairs to take a phone call.
00:10:40A man wearing a black hood
00:10:42got into the bedroom through the window,
00:10:45tied up Miss Boutron,
00:10:46and then went for your jewellery.
00:10:48Mr Shale went up to investigate,
00:10:51and he was shot twice in the chest.
00:10:55The girl who comes round to clean for you, Katrina Topless,
00:11:00she arrived at that second,
00:11:01but by the time she and her neighbour had found the body,
00:11:04the killer had got away through the garden,
00:11:09dropping his spoils en route, it would seem.
00:11:12Now, you may know of an incident very similar to this
00:11:14that happened a few weeks ago.
00:11:17A man in a black mask tied up the householders
00:11:20while he ransacked the house.
00:11:21However, in view of the circumstances here, Mrs Shale,
00:11:25I have to ask the question.
00:11:28Where were you at the time all this happened?
00:11:31At 11.25 this morning.
00:11:3311.25? I was here.
00:11:36I haven't set foot outside this room since I arrived
00:11:38at about half past nine.
00:11:40My PA will tell you.
00:11:41That's the absolute truth.
00:11:43I've been out there all that time at my desk.
00:11:45She never even opened the door, I swear.
00:11:54Oil paint.
00:11:56Off the door handle in my husband's studio.
00:12:03Right, well, thank you, Mrs Shale.
00:12:05We'll be in touch.
00:12:06I'm, uh...
00:12:08I'm very sorry.
00:12:10I'm very sorry.
00:12:40That'll be £43.92, then, please.
00:13:05£67.
00:13:07Excuse me?
00:13:08I made it £43.67.
00:13:11Sorry.
00:13:13Well, that's not what the computer says, I'm afraid.
00:13:15So, did you want any cash back?
00:13:18The computer's wrong.
00:13:20I don't know how.
00:13:21You've got a fault in there.
00:13:22Something with your software.
00:13:25Sorry about this.
00:13:26There's always some smart aleck.
00:13:28That's all right.
00:13:28Yeah.
00:13:31I suppose we could just check
00:13:32to be on the safe side.
00:13:35Sorry about that, miss.
00:13:38I'm afraid we're going to have to close this checkout.
00:13:40I do apologise.
00:13:41Have a Thank you, guys.
00:13:41No.
00:13:42No.
00:13:43No.
00:13:43No.
00:13:44No.
00:13:44No.
00:13:45No.
00:13:46No.
00:13:47No.
00:13:48No.
00:13:48No, no.
00:13:50No.
00:13:51No.
00:13:53No.
00:13:53No.
00:14:06I don't know.
00:14:36I don't know.
00:15:06This is going to sound phony, but what the hell.
00:15:18You have been tonight the warmest, most appreciative audience I've ever played to.
00:15:23It's been an absolute joy, and I thank you.
00:15:27Good night.
00:15:28Applause, applause, applause, and music.
00:16:01I found him backstage, Mr. Clash, snooping around the equipment.
00:16:06Two minutes outside, we can make him forget everything he saw.
00:16:09Yeah, well, no, really, guys.
00:16:11He designed the equipment.
00:16:13He's cool.
00:16:14I'm sorry, Jonathan Creek.
00:16:16This is Herbie and Rhino.
00:16:18Sorry, Mr. Creek.
00:16:19We didn't realise.
00:16:20Maybe they should get you some kind of badge.
00:16:23Rhino.
00:16:23Security, Jonathan.
00:16:27You know, how far do you take it?
00:16:29No, that's fine.
00:16:32Enjoy being strangled and sterilised at the same time.
00:16:35That little tweak on Queen of Hearts worked well.
00:16:38You really can't tell where the switch comes.
00:16:39The Queen of Hearts was fine.
00:16:41What was all that stuff in Iron Maiden?
00:16:43Where'd that whip come from all of a sudden?
00:16:44Get her in the cage.
00:16:45It's dynamic.
00:16:46Oh, like the leather corset and thigh-length boots she wears when she chains you up in the dungeon.
00:16:50It's supposed to be a family show, Adam.
00:16:52You're reducing it to the level of a bank commercial.
00:16:54Sex and sorcery, Jonathan.
00:16:56Indivisible since the dawn time.
00:16:57Well, I yield to your genius as a theoretician.
00:17:02You will allow me one or two insights in the area of presentation.
00:17:06Talking of which, we have a little problem with psycho.
00:17:09Alec and Judy are both off with the flu.
00:17:11I need someone who understands the timing to escort the volunteer.
00:17:14So, if you haven't got anything on all week?
00:17:16No, Adam.
00:17:17I haven't got anything on all week.
00:17:19Great.
00:17:20See you at six.
00:17:23Oh, and don't forget your passport this time.
00:17:27Cheers, Adam.
00:17:31Why don't you go the whole hog and have him neutered?
00:17:33I'm sorry.
00:17:34He doesn't get a chance, does he?
00:17:36Playing tune of the lamp to you all the while.
00:17:40When do you think he last did it?
00:17:42Do you think he's ever done it?
00:17:43Not since he's been on my payroll.
00:17:45How'd you know that?
00:17:46Because I know.
00:17:48The closest he's got to a kiss was spitting in the dental nurse's funnel.
00:17:52That means he has to find other outlets.
00:17:54And that's when he does his best work.
00:17:57The guy has quite a brilliant analytical brain.
00:18:02I don't want the power drained off to another organ.
00:18:07Get out of my car!
00:18:08Get out!
00:18:08Get out!
00:18:27Look, all right.
00:18:41I cop for that one, okay?
00:18:43The Arundel Road job, I'll come quietly.
00:18:45But this ugly was his face, no way, not my style.
00:18:50All my life, I didn't do him.
00:18:52Look, you found some prints on the gun, right?
00:18:56Were they mine?
00:18:57Mr. Grisby?
00:18:58Were they mine?
00:18:59The fingerprints on the gun don't appear to belong to anyone connected with this case.
00:19:03But then you might have borrowed the gun and wore gloves.
00:19:06It's hardly a testament to your innocence, is it?
00:19:10Now, is there anything else?
00:19:11Yeah.
00:19:13I'd like to exercise my right to an investigative journalist.
00:19:19Are you still on the phone?
00:19:21No.
00:19:23The BBC was supposed to be getting back to me about that documentary.
00:19:26Uh-huh.
00:19:27I wonder why they haven't run.
00:19:30Don't know.
00:19:31Hello.
00:19:33Hello.
00:19:35Superintendent.
00:19:37My name's Madeleine Magellan.
00:19:39I'm researching a book about bungled police prosecutions over the...
00:19:42Sorry?
00:19:45Well, it's in connection with the death of a Mrs. Doreen Harker,
00:19:49who I understand rather tragically hanged herself last week while in police custody with some thick copper wire.
00:19:56I was wondering, to be honest, where she might have got hold of the...
00:20:01from a thick copper, possibly?
00:20:06Oh, I thought so.
00:20:08They'd probably given up and hired somebody else.
00:20:10Have you any idea how many cameramen there are chasing jobs these days?
00:20:13Don't point that thing at me, please.
00:20:15You're impossible. Do you know that?
00:20:16You want to write about criminal injustices, start with this relationship.
00:20:20I don't think you even care about... Put that down.
00:20:22I...
00:20:23I'm not...
00:20:24Trevor Michaels.
00:20:28Yes?
00:20:30Your publisher.
00:20:31It's more bad news, Barry. I don't want to know.
00:20:3810,000 returns in Australia, mad. I'm sorry.
00:20:4110,000? What did they do? Print them on boomerangs?
00:20:44Tell me about it.
00:20:45Oh, listen.
00:20:46We've had a call from the solicitor of some guy, Stephen Grismal,
00:20:49who's just been charged with the murder of Hedley Shale,
00:20:52which he claims is a classic constabulary cock-up,
00:20:55but I don't know.
00:20:56Smells like it could go somewhere.
00:20:58Can't you see what's happened, dear?
00:20:59Someone's used my M.O., the mask, the black tape they tied her up with,
00:21:05as a cover to do this guy in.
00:21:07And we know who had the motive.
00:21:10Mr Shale's wife never left her office that morning.
00:21:14From what they're saying, there's no way on earth she could have got out without someone seeing it.
00:21:17She did it.
00:21:18I don't know how, but she went back to that house and shot her old man in cold blood.
00:21:25And she'll watch me go down for it, unless someone like you can nail her.
00:21:31Mr Shale?
00:21:56Mr Shale?
00:21:56Mr Shale?
00:21:57The man's been charged for the murder of your husband and your reaction to that news.
00:22:00I can't say anything now.
00:22:02It's subtlety.
00:22:03But she must be relieved that someone's been arrested at last.
00:22:07Nothing anyone does now will bring Hedley back.
00:22:11I just hope that whoever carried out this terrible crime
00:22:14will suffer the full force of British justice.
00:22:17Mr Shale?
00:22:17You know anything about art?
00:22:32I don't know what I like.
00:22:34Hedley Shale.
00:22:36Ever heard of him?
00:22:38Yeah.
00:22:39Um, Trevor.
00:22:40I think we should have a moratorium.
00:22:45Moratorium?
00:22:46What's that?
00:22:47A polite word for bugger off?
00:22:49It's not working.
00:22:50We both know that.
00:22:52Shale.
00:22:53That was in the other week, wasn't it?
00:22:55Shot by a burglar while humping one of his models.
00:22:58Is this her?
00:22:58Yeah, try not to drool over the crackers.
00:23:01It makes him soggy.
00:23:04I mean, what's the point of having a waist that size anyway?
00:23:07Or I can get your skirt up with a wristwatch.
00:23:09What are you doing?
00:23:11Every time I call round, she's out.
00:23:14I try and tap into her answering machine.
00:23:16See where it took me.
00:23:18BT response 80s have a two-digit code.
00:23:19That's 99 possibilities.
00:23:2135.
00:23:22You're not serious.
00:23:2536.
00:23:2636.
00:23:28Bingo.
00:23:29Three messages.
00:23:31Please push one for playback.
00:23:34What have we got?
00:23:36Ah, that's obscene.
00:23:38What is?
00:23:39An obscene phone call some pervos left on the tape.
00:23:42Saying what?
00:23:43What does he say?
00:23:43Get off.
00:23:44It's personal.
00:23:46You'll be on belief.
00:23:47Hang on.
00:23:49This sounds hopeful.
00:23:51Angelica and Lionel meeting her tonight, 8 o'clock.
00:23:57Foyer.
00:23:59Prince of Wales.
00:24:01Right.
00:24:02What's on at the Prince of Wales?
00:24:04Adam Klaus.
00:24:08Some sort of conjurer, isn't he?
00:24:11Thanks.
00:24:12I love you.
00:24:13You've got what you covered.
00:24:17Oh!
00:24:20What's on on it?
00:24:22I love you.
00:24:23Thanks.
00:24:23West for over.
00:24:24Mum?
00:24:25You're surrey.
00:24:25I love you.
00:24:25I love you.
00:24:26I love you.
00:24:26I love you.
00:24:27I love you.
00:24:27I love you.
00:24:28I love you.
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00:26:25Oh, my God.
00:26:44Row C, seat four.
00:26:48Who is that?
00:26:51Blonde, wavy hair,
00:26:53Heart attack on legs.
00:26:56Familiar face?
00:26:58Is she that model?
00:27:00The artist who was shot the other week.
00:27:04I want to lie beside her in a bath of warm glue.
00:27:11Jenny. Jenny.
00:27:14Black skirt and jacket. Red blouse. Can we do that?
00:27:18Mm-hmm.
00:27:21Ow.
00:27:48You look terrific. I don't care what the press are saying.
00:27:54After all you've been through, everything.
00:27:57Don't you reckon?
00:28:00Oh.
00:28:01Oh, I'm sorry. I don't know why you'd remember me.
00:28:03Must be a good two years now.
00:28:05Maddy.
00:28:06Magellan.
00:28:07We met at that big bash at...
00:28:09Oh, I'm sorry.
00:28:10I don't know why you'd remember me.
00:28:12Must be a good two years now.
00:28:15Maddy.
00:28:17Magellan.
00:28:18Magellan.
00:28:19We met at that big bash at, um...
00:28:21Oh.
00:28:22Was it Sinti Lorenz engagement?
00:28:25I can't remember. Had I started my course by then?
00:28:26Your course?
00:28:27Counselling through crisis.
00:28:29I don't want to sound all namby-pamby social worker,
00:28:31but it's been such a fulfilling venture.
00:28:32Like, there's been so much one's learnt about steering people through trauma,
00:28:36especially bereavement, that if there's any way, I can help.
00:28:40The main plank of our therapy is that you have someone who's been able to help.
00:28:44I can help.
00:28:45I can help.
00:28:46I can help.
00:28:47I can help.
00:28:48I can help.
00:28:49I can help.
00:28:50I can help.
00:28:51I can help.
00:28:52I can help.
00:28:53I can help.
00:28:54I can help.
00:28:56I can help.
00:28:57The main plank of our therapy is that you have someone to talk to to purge yourself.
00:29:04I don't know I'm trying to do interesting.
00:29:09I'll give you my number.
00:29:10How does that sound?
00:29:11So...
00:29:16Who's gonna come out and play, hmm?
00:29:20How about...
00:29:28Come on, don't be shy.
00:29:30Isn't she a sport, everyone?
00:29:32Come on.
00:29:34Good job, little ladies.
00:29:36My new jelly beans.
00:29:38We're gonna have some fun.
00:29:40Isn't she beautiful?
00:29:42Hold it right there.
00:29:44What's your name, honey?
00:29:46Francesca.
00:29:48Francesca.
00:29:50It's hot up here, isn't it, Francesca?
00:29:52Hot and sticky.
00:29:54Thank you, Stephanie.
00:29:56Don't you feel a little hot and sticky, Francesca?
00:30:00I'll bet you're ready for a shower, huh?
00:30:02Come on, take a look.
00:30:06Just a little freshen up, okay?
00:30:08Step right up there.
00:30:10We have all the mod cons here.
00:30:14Now, Francesca,
00:30:16I want you to take off anything you don't want to get wet.
00:30:20See, that's silk jacket for a start.
00:30:22Now, let me take care of that for you.
00:30:24Very good.
00:30:26And how about that blouse?
00:30:28You don't want that to shrink any?
00:30:30Or that skirt?
00:30:32Doesn't bear thinking about it.
00:30:34Okay.
00:30:36Now, don't worry.
00:30:38No one's looking.
00:30:40Just throw it on over here.
00:30:42This is not viristic in any way.
00:30:52Do you want to come with me?
00:30:54We've got one minute, 29 seconds.
00:30:56Okay.
00:31:02How are you doing in there?
00:31:06Are you ready for me to come and wash your back?
00:31:10Do you don't go?
00:31:12Yes, sir.
00:31:14So, you create all these fantastic illusions for Adam Close?
00:31:24So, you must know all your secrets?
00:31:28So, you must know all the secrets.
00:31:32Well, I've learnt to keep my mouth shut.
00:31:35Ever since I told one of his girlfriends he had a hairpiece,
00:31:37she thought I said herpiece, tried to circumcise him with a tin opener.
00:31:46When I open this door, I just step through and take a bow.
00:31:58APPLAUSE
00:32:19OK, how's that?
00:32:20Yeah, it's fine. It just seems to keep sticking for some reason.
00:32:24I've got a WD-40, Adam.
00:32:26Sir.
00:32:29And listen, can you find a way, when I'm pulling the barbed wire out of my mouth,
00:32:32that the ring's always at the end?
00:32:34Because what's happening at the moment is it keeps...
00:32:37Now, listen, on your way to the station.
00:32:40What now?
00:32:42One very quick favour.
00:32:43No, not this routine again.
00:32:45I don't change my socks as often as you change sleeping partners.
00:32:48Well, that's something else we can discuss.
00:32:49Listen, Jonathan, don't worry about Yasmin.
00:32:52I'll straighten it out, because I swear, Jonathan, this is the real thing.
00:32:55Her radiant smile lights up my life like no-one else I know.
00:32:58What are you, a greetings card?
00:33:00Look, I am not traipsing all the way round to her place with this, Adam.
00:33:04I'm sorry, no, absolutely not.
00:33:07So how long had you and Hadley Shale been?
00:33:09Since July last year.
00:33:11We met at the reception, and he asked me how I would feel about posing the nude.
00:33:15I said, sure.
00:33:18And, you know, just the minute I took off my clothes, I could feel he was attracted to me.
00:33:24Isn't that funny?
00:33:27And before you knew it, you were secret lovers.
00:33:30For me, it was very frustrating.
00:33:31But he didn't want the publicity of a divorce, because Serena could make things very unpleasant for him, for his career, so...
00:33:39Right.
00:33:41So, if you can just bear to go through it again, Francesca.
00:33:48Just let the pain flow out.
00:33:50That last morning, the two of us, it was beautiful.
00:34:05You know, sometimes when you make love, it's like a nuclear explosion between your thighs.
00:34:11Yes.
00:34:13Afterwards, we were getting dressed, and the phone rings.
00:34:18Hadley went down to answer it.
00:34:21I start to get dressed, and then, from behind me, someone's put a hand over my mouth, so I can't breathe.
00:34:30And then, when I turn around, there's this man with, like, a black hood over his head.
00:34:37And the next thing, I don't know, I fainted for maybe a minute.
00:34:42Because now, I've got this tape over my eyes, and my mouth.
00:34:52And he's tied up my hands.
00:34:56So, when I heard the gun.
00:34:59You're doing so well, Francesca.
00:35:05You say he put a hand over your mouth. Was it a bear hand, or was he wearing gloves?
00:35:12It was gloves, I'm pretty sure.
00:35:14Because, when you talk about a man, you don't really know, do you, that it was a man.
00:35:20Oh, my God, what are you saying? That his wife?
00:35:23Oh, no.
00:35:25Why would she do a thing like that to her own husband?
00:35:28Because he was screwing another woman.
00:35:31Granted.
00:35:32But Serena was at work all morning.
00:35:35There's a witness to say she went into her office and never came out.
00:35:39What if she did? What if she...
00:35:42How do you know all this?
00:35:46Let me.
00:35:55Hi, is Francesca?
00:35:57You'd better come in.
00:36:06She's through there.
00:36:09How are you?
00:36:12Miss Francesca?
00:36:13Good morning.
00:36:14I was just passing.
00:36:14Oh, hi. How are you?
00:36:15Adam Klaus would like you to have this with his eternal undying love.
00:36:21This is so naughty of him.
00:36:30What is he doing?
00:36:39I can't possibly wear this.
00:36:43Tell him there's no way I can accept.
00:36:46I don't even know him.
00:36:48OK.
00:36:49No, don't tell him that.
00:36:52Tell him I'll have dinner with him tonight after the show.
00:36:56Like a priest.
00:36:58Right.
00:37:00Well, you'll excuse me then. I've got to dash.
00:37:03Bye.
00:37:07Adam Klaus.
00:37:09Hmm?
00:37:11Nah.
00:37:12It's a wacky idea.
00:37:15If there was a way someone could get out of a room like that undetected,
00:37:20I suppose the man to ask about it would be a magician.
00:37:24Or the guy who works for him.
00:37:26Exactly.
00:37:28Sorry?
00:37:29That man who was just here must have the most incredible mind, don't you think,
00:37:33to come up with all that stuff?
00:37:34Have you had any lunch yet?
00:37:42No comment.
00:37:43Thank God.
00:37:44You're a journalist, aren't you?
00:37:45You don't get that idea.
00:37:47Are you?
00:37:47No.
00:37:48Well, why was your bag open in there with a tape recorder running inside?
00:37:51OK.
00:37:52I'll give you seven out of ten.
00:37:53I'm a writer but with a social conscience.
00:37:55My last book got a defendant's case reopened.
00:37:57All right.
00:37:58The W.H. Smith under true crimes with photos of headless prostitutes on the cover.
00:38:02Look, that girl in there was having an affair with Hedley Shale, an artist who was shocked.
00:38:07I read the papers.
00:38:08Why do you want to know if I've had lunch?
00:38:10Because I haven't.
00:38:11I thought we could go somewhere and talk.
00:38:13I know you're a whiz at all these magic tricks and things and I just wanted to pick your brains
00:38:17about something.
00:38:18And you don't want to go to bed with me?
00:38:20I beg your pardon?
00:38:23I'm not very good on subtext with women.
00:38:26I think the safest thing is just to ask.
00:38:28I have no desire whatsoever to go to bed with you.
00:38:31Or to see you naked.
00:38:33Or to enter into any kind of relationship that involves undoing a zip.
00:38:39I'm sorry I poked you last night.
00:38:42It was an accident.
00:38:44Shall we go in?
00:38:50How do you know this grismal didn't kill Shale?
00:38:57Why would he?
00:38:58He'd just run for it.
00:39:00More importantly, professional burglars don't drop their loot leaving the scene of a crime.
00:39:04She did that so she could have it both ways.
00:39:07Forced the drawer to make it look like a robbery, then left the jury behind so it'd be given back to her later.
00:39:13And her entire alibi rests on the fact she was seen going into her office at half past nine
00:39:18and was still there when the police arrived at one.
00:39:20Which, unfortunately, is proving to be the one...
00:39:23What?
00:39:28What?
00:39:29No, I just can't watch people eating raw onions.
00:39:32That's all.
00:39:32It gives me indigestion.
00:39:34Oh, I'm sorry.
00:39:35For being such a gastronomic klutz.
00:39:37I like onion rings.
00:39:38Is that okay?
00:39:39So where does she work, this Serena Shale?
00:39:46God, what planet have you been on?
00:39:48She's editor-in-chief of Eve magazine, which is grounds for prosecution in itself.
00:39:53I don't know.
00:39:54How does it work?
00:39:56How do you get out of a room through a closed door without someone outside noticing?
00:40:01What floor is the office on?
00:40:0313th.
00:40:04No ledges or walkways outside.
00:40:07Plus the windows don't open in any case for safety reasons.
00:40:12Hmm.
00:40:13Do a trick for me.
00:40:16I beg your pardon?
00:40:18Something from your repertoire.
00:40:20I don't do tricks.
00:40:22Oh, you invent them.
00:40:23You know all about them.
00:40:25Come on.
00:40:26What do they call it?
00:40:28Close-up magic.
00:40:33You've got a tissue in your bag.
00:40:43I think of...
00:40:45a well-known city.
00:40:47Constantinople.
00:40:56Put your hand on mine.
00:40:57They're concentrating hard on Constantinople.
00:41:14Right.
00:41:16Very hard.
00:41:24One, two, three.
00:41:27Now lift up that radish tray.
00:41:52That is...
00:41:53How did you do that?
00:41:58You don't want to know.
00:41:59Believe me.
00:42:01How did you do it?
00:42:02It's mind-numbingly banal.
00:42:04Tell me.
00:42:04I have to know.
00:42:07I set it up.
00:42:09Because people always ask me.
00:42:11When I dropped my fork on the floor earlier on, I grabbed a tissue out of your bag, put it in my pocket.
00:42:15When you went to the toilet, I gave it to the waiter.
00:42:16Asked him to write down whatever you said, stick it under the radish tray, bring it to the table.
00:42:21The first tissue I threw over your head so far, she didn't see it leave my hand.
00:42:29That is mind-numbingly banal.
00:42:35So.
00:42:35Are you going to help me, then?
00:42:44Well, I'd need to know the exact layout of the office.
00:42:47Okay.
00:42:47And the movements of everyone involved.
00:42:50Fine.
00:42:50So, if I found a pretext for the two of us to go round there...
00:42:54A pretext such as what?
00:42:55Oh.
00:42:57Leave that to me.
00:43:05I've got it.
00:43:09I've got it.
00:43:11Hi.
00:43:12Madeline McGill and Mad Cow Productions for Channel 4.
00:43:15We're interviewing Serena Shell at 3.30 for a series on image brokers in the fashion industry.
00:43:19It is all arranged.
00:43:20Would you like to take a seat?
00:43:21Thanks.
00:43:25How does it feel?
00:43:28Like I've been artificially inseminated with a supermarket trolley.
00:43:33How are you supposed to walk in a straight line with these things?
00:43:35I should have brought the manual, but I don't know where he keeps it.
00:43:37It's called a Steadicam.
00:43:38It's supposed to eliminate jerks.
00:43:40So does Clint Eastwood.
00:43:41I wouldn't want him struck to my chest for the afternoon.
00:43:44Okay.
00:43:44So, we'll lift up this blocked paw under her mouth, Martin.
00:43:48That's incredible.
00:43:49So, you can take that away completely?
00:43:50Oh, absolutely.
00:43:51You won't see a thing.
00:43:53Beats airbrushing, doesn't it?
00:43:55And you'll be able to match the skin tone.
00:43:59Perfectly.
00:44:03And if the left eye can come down just a fraction, I swear it's not leveled on the right.
00:44:10Maybe we could thin out the neck a little.
00:44:13Amazing.
00:44:14I think they start out like, well, we're talking Quasimodo with acne, really, aren't we?
00:44:19I'm giving away our trade secrets.
00:44:23Oh, we won't tell anyone.
00:44:24Just a teensy few million viewers.
00:44:29Okay for you.
00:44:30I wonder if I might get some stuff out there now.
00:44:33Just people at desks.
00:44:35Right.
00:44:35What he calls his texture shots.
00:44:37Fine.
00:44:39We've got plenty to chat about still.
00:44:41Well, Sue.
00:45:02Just getting some texture shots.
00:45:05You ready for a coffee?
00:45:06Thanks.
00:45:12She's bearing up well in there, then.
00:45:14What is it?
00:45:15Four weeks since her husband was...
00:45:17Today I'll forget.
00:45:20I hear they found him now.
00:45:22Guy who did it.
00:45:25Let's turn off the hook at least.
00:45:27Don't know how they thought she could have had anything to do with it.
00:45:30She was in there all morning.
00:45:33I saw her go in.
00:45:34Thirteenth floor office with sealed windows.
00:45:37It's too ridiculous for words.
00:45:40Lucky you were here all that time.
00:45:42I mean, if you'd left the room at any point, Bango's her alibi.
00:45:45Masses to do that day.
00:45:46I didn't leave my desk till one.
00:45:48But you'd spoken to her during the morning.
00:45:51Putting calls through.
00:45:53More than my life's worth when she's not to be disturbed.
00:45:56She often does that.
00:45:58Shuts herself off like a clam.
00:45:59Well, I don't wish to be rude, but we said an hour.
00:46:03And I know you'll only use two minutes.
00:46:06I mean, you know what they're like.
00:46:08Detectives.
00:46:09Wanting to know all the ins and outs.
00:46:12And when you'd got this file from the cabinet...
00:46:16I shut the door.
00:46:18Went back to my desk.
00:46:19Picked up the phone again to this...
00:46:21Whatever her name was.
00:46:23Davina Bates?
00:46:25Yates.
00:46:25Yates or Bates, can't remember now.
00:46:28And from then on, I told them.
00:46:30I didn't move.
00:46:31For like a good three hours.
00:46:32And no, I didn't nod off at my computer or pop to the loo.
00:46:36I was here the entire time.
00:46:38At my desk.
00:46:39How is she supposed to have got past me?
00:46:41By magic?
00:46:45So.
00:46:46How's it looking?
00:46:48Got everything you need?
00:46:49I think I have.
00:46:56What's the state of play?
00:46:58We looking at a solution?
00:47:00I'll need a few hours.
00:47:02Go over it from every angle.
00:47:08Seems to all hinge on a phone call that came in.
00:47:11From some girl named Davina Yates.
00:47:14Or it might have been Bates.
00:47:15The PA can't remember.
00:47:17What difference does her name make?
00:47:18Well, a very big difference if it was Yates.
00:47:21Why?
00:47:23Because it would explain how Serena Shale managed to get out of that room to go home and kill her husband.
00:47:48Found it OK, then?
00:48:01Well, it doesn't exactly merge into the background, does it?
00:48:07It's been in the family five generations.
00:48:10My parents emigrated and I've stayed put.
00:48:16Quite like it, really.
00:48:18Living alone concentrates the mind.
00:48:20You must find that.
00:48:21What makes you think I live alone?
00:48:24Well, you're not sleeping with anyone on a regular basis.
00:48:28Oh, really?
00:48:33Those onion rings hang around for days.
00:48:36Is that right?
00:48:39Want to come up?
00:48:40My big passion.
00:49:08The golden age of illusion.
00:49:09Robert Houdin.
00:49:12I was born 100 years too late, basically.
00:49:20I take it this is a disease that struck in childhood.
00:49:50I never wanted to be a magician as such, swanning about the silk hankies.
00:49:57It was, I don't know, the ingenuity at the back of it always fascinated the hell out of me.
00:50:04I started dreaming up a few ideas, sending them around, and eventually I got hooked up with Adam.
00:50:12And your parents are abroad now?
00:50:15Philadelphia.
00:50:15Philadelphia.
00:50:16My dad teaches epidemiology at PAU.
00:50:21They come over a couple of times a year to see if I've got a proper job yet.
00:50:26You know that way parents look at you is if you just announce your engagement to a fruit bat.
00:50:30They can never get behind me opting out from college, academic future, like it's a cop-out to try and escape.
00:50:42Brilliant!
00:50:43Is this one of those things where you get on and it makes you look as if you...
00:50:48I've always wanted to have a go on one of these.
00:50:50Maybe later.
00:50:51Now...
00:50:52Serena's office.
00:50:53More or less to scale, based on the video.
00:50:54When did you do this?
00:50:57Oh, I love it!
00:51:11All the little details.
00:51:18You're mad.
00:51:21Recapping.
00:51:22From what she told me yesterday and from your police contacts, Serena arrives at 9.30 through here.
00:51:29Unlocks the door to her office.
00:51:32They have a little conversation outside.
00:51:35Serena goes in while Joy answers the phone.
00:51:38Sits down at her desk.
00:51:40Okay.
00:51:41Joy comes back in.
00:51:46Get a file from the cabinet.
00:51:49Closes the door.
00:51:50Goes back to her desk.
00:51:52Stays there for the next three hours.
00:51:55How does Serena get out?
00:51:57Er...
00:51:59Panel in the wall?
00:52:01Well, she's had a gang of chippies in there now, have she?
00:52:03All right then.
00:52:04She didn't then, did she?
00:52:06Doesn't work.
00:52:08Great.
00:52:09So, what happens if she never went in in the first place?
00:52:14Yeah, but her PA said that she saw her sitting up against the desk.
00:52:18No, she saw her a pair of legs and some smoke, which proves nothing.
00:52:21Forget about that for the moment.
00:52:22This time, you be Joy.
00:52:24Okay.
00:52:25I have a little conversation outside the door.
00:52:31And the phone rings on your desk.
00:52:35Ring, ring.
00:52:36You turn round to answer it.
00:52:37Go on.
00:52:39Serena immediately closes the door, ducks down here behind this chair.
00:52:49It's a bit convenient, isn't it?
00:52:52The phone rings at that exact moment at that end of the desk.
00:52:56But not impossible.
00:52:57Serena could have worked that using a mobile in her pocket.
00:53:00She's already keyed the number in.
00:53:02All she needs to do is press send, knowing that Joy is going to turn her back for a second to answer it.
00:53:07So, when Joy thinks she's talking to this girl about her pictures, it's actually Serena.
00:53:14And, of course, as she talks, she moves round behind the other sofa.
00:53:19So now, Serena apparently invites Joy over the intercom to collect the photos.
00:53:26If she could work that trip with the phone, there's no reason why she couldn't have some kind of bug moved up to the machine on the desk.
00:53:32Okay, if you make it quick.
00:53:34Joy steps through.
00:53:36And this is where the girl's name comes in.
00:53:39You'll have to get right down for this.
00:53:44You've got three cabinets, nine drawers, divided alphabetically.
00:53:49If you're looking for Bates, under A to C, top left, it's no good, see?
00:53:55The outer doorway's still clearly in vision.
00:53:58But if you're crouching down at the bottom of the third one, after Yates, the doorway's just masked.
00:54:07Enough for Serena to slip out of the room and then down the fire escape.
00:54:16Coming back, she just nips in again while Joy's in reception, goes back to her desk.
00:54:23Yes.
00:54:24She'll swear she's been there all morning.
00:54:29Right.
00:54:33Very good.
00:54:36You see, it's like the tissue.
00:54:39People beg me to explain something, it's the last thing they want to hear.
00:54:42Because you're disproving a miracle.
00:54:44Houdini walked through a war two bricklayers had built on stage.
00:54:48People swore he had the power to dematerialise.
00:54:52You find out he used the trap door under a carpet.
00:54:54It's too mundane if you're cheated.
00:54:56But that's all magic is. It's an illusion. It doesn't mean illusion magic.
00:54:59No.
00:55:01Right.
00:55:05Thanks then.
00:55:06You're welcome.
00:55:09It's amazing, I suppose.
00:55:12To think she could have done all that to create an alibi.
00:55:16But of course she didn't, did she?
00:55:18What do you mean?
00:55:19What, she's left her office empty for three hours with a pair of legs propped on the table?
00:55:27What if a PA puts through an urgent call or there's a fire drill or something, the whole thing's blown to bits?
00:55:33It's just a textbook explanation, doesn't stand up for a minute in real life.
00:55:36So, er, sorry, er, what are you saying?
00:55:41The more I go over it, this bloke's shale, his life and work and everything, the more I think we're missing something obvious.
00:55:53You see, this is the one that won't go away. Fingerprints on gun. Three question marks.
00:56:09I thought you said...
00:56:10The killer wore gloves, that's what Francesca said. So why would you then take them off?
00:56:14Why leave the gun behind in the first place?
00:56:16Dropped it, I suppose, in the hurry to get away.
00:56:19Anyway, they couldn't get a match on those prints against Grismal or anyone else who was in the house.
00:56:26Serena, Francesca, that cleaning girl, even the victim himself, so we can cross off elaborate suicide hoax.
00:56:35And yet, the prints were very clear. What does that suggest? They were quite fresh.
00:56:41Conclusion, there must have been another person in the room.
00:56:45Mm.
00:56:47Look, do you mind if we slit this thing off now? I'm just a bit worried it might...
00:56:52Erm...
00:56:55What?
00:56:57Go on, say the word. Buckle.
00:57:01No.
00:57:03No, no, no.
00:57:05Well, yeah.
00:57:06There is a limit, obviously, to the strain these things can take some...
00:57:11It's a good job I've got a positive self-image.
00:57:14OK, get me down.
00:57:17Then I'll explain our next move.
00:57:19Just let me und...
00:57:21What do you mean, our next move?
00:57:23I think you get off on puzzles like this.
00:57:26You just don't want to admit that I've whetted your appetite.
00:57:28Is that a fact?
00:57:30Mm.
00:57:36So the thing about this place.
00:57:38The back garden's totally enclosed for security reasons.
00:57:41No side or rear gates.
00:57:43You can only get in through the house itself, which means...
00:57:46She had to climb over a fence or wall somewhere.
00:57:50Maybe it's one of these trees.
00:57:53Waited till she was surely gone downstairs,
00:57:56then moved in up that little wrought-iron staircase and into the bedroom.
00:58:00Very important, Francesca saw her with the hood and everything,
00:58:03so that whole thing about the burglar would work.
00:58:05What do you think?
00:58:07I think I could be at home in the warm instead of standing here with a shoe full of stoke vomit
00:58:10developing several interesting strains of nettle rash.
00:58:13If we're going to do it, let's just do it.
00:58:18Whatever I say, back me up.
00:58:21There's got to be some little thing up there she's overlooked.
00:58:25Yes?
00:58:27Hi, we've come to see Serena.
00:58:29She's helping us on a feature series for Channel 4.
00:58:32She's at work.
00:58:34Of course she is.
00:58:36You remember.
00:58:38She thought she was going to pop back to the office for an hour
00:58:40and then meet us back here at 12.
00:58:42I'm just here cleaning.
00:58:43She never said anything about me.
00:58:45Gosh, I'm getting a bit nippy.
00:58:47I don't want to get you in trouble, so we'll just come inside and wait.
00:58:52Goodness.
00:58:54Oh, no, no, no.
00:58:55Please, let me.
00:58:58They're very valuable.
00:59:00This one's a pen and ink by Salvador Dali.
00:59:02It's over 50 years old.
00:59:06I couldn't just pop to your bathroom for a second.
00:59:09Do you mind?
00:59:11I promise not to touch anything.
00:59:13It's the first door at the top.
00:59:16You want to take a seat, then?
00:59:17Perhaps I'll ring Mrs Shale's work number.
00:59:24Make sure she knows about all this.
00:59:26Right.
00:59:28Good idea.
00:59:29Good idea.
00:59:31Good idea.
00:59:33I'll ring Mrs Shale's work number.
00:59:37Perhaps I'll ring Mrs Shale's work number.
00:59:40Make sure she knows about all this.
00:59:43Right.
00:59:45Good idea.
00:59:46Good idea.
01:00:04Engaged, as usual.
01:00:07You think your friend's all right?
01:00:10Bit of a jib, you tell me, I think.
01:00:12Well, maybe I ought to see if she's okay.
01:00:15Oh, sorry.
01:00:17Oh, it's okay. It's okay. Don't worry.
01:00:20Don't worry about me.
01:00:30You okay?
01:00:34It's just so many things keep bringing it back.
01:00:38The letter that was on the mat when I came in and...
01:00:40It's like a bad dream.
01:00:44You think you're over it and then...
01:00:49It's okay.
01:00:54Come on.
01:00:56Come on, here. It's all okay.
01:00:59It's all okay.
01:01:00Here, have a good old squirt.
01:01:06Here, have a good old squirt.
01:01:28These things take time.
01:01:29Things take time.
01:01:32Oh.
01:01:33It's Martin, my husband.
01:01:35He's come to pick me up.
01:01:37He gets very jealous, so I'd better let him in.
01:01:40Good idea.
01:01:43Before he tries to chew a hole in the wall.
01:01:59Martin, Martin, it's not what you think.
01:02:09It's OK.
01:02:10He's come here to see Mrs Shale.
01:02:11He wasn't doing anything.
01:02:13He just gave me something to blow on, that's all.
01:02:15Is that right?
01:02:17What's this?
01:02:19Some dust on your face?
01:02:21Here.
01:02:22Let me get that for you.
01:02:29Don't go near my wife again.
01:02:48Ever.
01:02:49Ever.
01:02:50Ever.
01:02:53Definitely.
01:02:55Understood.
01:02:56Oh, you're kidding.
01:02:58Oh, that is...
01:02:59So it's a cock-up, then, basically.
01:03:02Mm-hmm.
01:03:03All right.
01:03:04I will.
01:03:05Bye.
01:03:06My office, would you believe it, gave me the wrong dates.
01:03:08Not till tomorrow.
01:03:10Sorry to have troubled you.
01:03:11We'll see ourselves out there.
01:03:11Bye.
01:03:17Have you...
01:03:18What are you...
01:03:20Something wrong?
01:03:44I don't think so.
01:03:45Where's the napkin?
01:03:50Napkin, Mrs Shale?
01:03:51From a cafe in Paris, 30 years ago.
01:03:54There was a little autographed drawing on it, by Pablo Picasse.
01:04:02She did it.
01:04:04What did you find?
01:04:06Nothing that stands up.
01:04:07But she did it.
01:04:08It's all there in her face.
01:04:10Where did you get that from?
01:04:13The bedroom floor.
01:04:15Which is another thing.
01:04:16That rug with his blood on it.
01:04:19Well, you'd throw it away, wouldn't you?
01:04:20Burn it.
01:04:20But she's just left it there.
01:04:21She's got to be sick.
01:04:23I saw something, but...
01:04:26I don't know.
01:04:28What?
01:04:30A letter.
01:04:32It was on the doormat the day he was killed, from the Inland Revenue.
01:04:35What, you think he had some sort of tax problem, or...?
01:04:38No, that's not the point.
01:04:40He was on the doormat.
01:04:43Doesn't that tell you that something very strange is going on here?
01:04:45Because it...
01:04:47That's never the time.
01:04:48I'm supposed to be somewhere.
01:04:54Mmm, Poussin.
01:04:56Who told you I adored Poussin?
01:04:59A little bird.
01:05:01A little bird.
01:05:02Do you see?
01:05:03She's always there.
01:05:04Mind like Quicksilver.
01:05:06Such a talent.
01:05:08In every department.
01:05:10Mmm.
01:05:12What do you think, Jonathan?
01:05:13Can we lick her into shape for Sunday?
01:05:16Hmm?
01:05:16The Iron Maiden?
01:05:19Well, the only thing I'd say is you've got a TV crew covering it,
01:05:23and it's got to stand up to very close scrutiny.
01:05:25And, I mean, Yasmin had done this routine, what, 50 times?
01:05:28Yasmin is no longer part of the story, Jonathan, for whatever reason.
01:05:31I don't run a lot.
01:05:32I'm such a quick learner, Jonathan.
01:05:35Do you trust me?
01:05:38No, no, no, no.
01:05:39No, no, no.
01:05:40No, listen.
01:05:41If it's in the cellar, I want to see it.
01:05:44No, Adam.
01:05:45You know, Hedley was never happy with it.
01:05:48He said, I mean, it's embarrassing,
01:05:50that no painting could ever do justice.
01:05:53Oh.
01:05:57Listen, I'll buy it.
01:05:59Just name your prize.
01:06:01Some other time.
01:06:02Oh, no, Adam, were you crazy?
01:06:05I'm just fascinated.
01:06:07I don't know how he saw you.
01:06:08The line is not good down here, either.
01:06:10So you can...
01:06:10Oh, my God.
01:06:15They're bullet holes.
01:06:28What?
01:06:31Someone's been here with a gun.
01:06:34Oh, no.
01:06:35Come on, let's go.
01:06:36Now, one, you don't leave my sight.
01:07:00I think it's just someone's idea of a sick joke, honey.
01:07:03We're not taking any chances.
01:07:06Jonathan, see you at the theater, Monday at 3.
01:07:11Thank you, Bruce.
01:07:36This is it.
01:07:47This is it.
01:07:47Victoria Station.
01:08:14Hi, Katrina, is it?
01:08:43Who are you?
01:08:48I told you, I'm...
01:08:50One of those nasty, meddling writers
01:08:53that pervert the course of justice in this country.
01:08:56I came round yesterday because...
01:08:58Because you think Serena killed her husband?
01:09:00Do you?
01:09:02I don't know what to think any more.
01:09:03Is that...?
01:09:05Well...
01:09:17I hadn't seen that one coming.
01:09:23Don't tell me I was naive.
01:09:27Sex was just a small part of what we had.
01:09:29I never met a man like him.
01:09:34He had so many great qualities.
01:09:38Monogamy wasn't one of them.
01:09:41All the same, I didn't know about Francesca.
01:09:43In some ways, that hit me as much as his death.
01:09:50But I know what she must be going through.
01:09:54Why haven't you told anyone?
01:09:56I was one of Hedley Shale's lovers.
01:09:59You've met my husband.
01:10:00And I don't want to spend the rest of my life
01:10:03looking like an early Frances Bacon.
01:10:09I'd better go.
01:10:16Keep meddling, won't you?
01:10:20For Hedley's sake.
01:10:51Who I ran into at the gallery, Katrina the Cleaner,
01:10:53who it turns out was also sharing the sack with Mr Shale.
01:10:56I tell you, if the guy had stamina,
01:10:58that's two models he was knocking on.
01:11:01Oh, and what's all this I hear about mutilated portraits
01:11:03in the cellar?
01:11:04I was down the nick today.
01:11:06Your friend, Mr Klaus,
01:11:07has been demanding police protection for his new assistant.
01:11:10Like he thinks she might be next on the killer's hit list.
01:11:12I suppose he could have a point.
01:11:13What do you reckon?
01:11:15Why did you lie to me?
01:11:16What?
01:11:17Why did you say you lived alone?
01:11:19I didn't say I lived alone.
01:11:21That was one of your clever deductions.
01:11:23But you didn't bother to correct me.
01:11:26I beg your pardon?
01:11:27You wanted my help,
01:11:28and you knew the best way to get it
01:11:29was to make me think you were single and unattached.
01:11:32I'm sorry, what am I being accused of here?
01:11:36That I led you on with inducements of sexual favours.
01:11:39Oh, no, you made that very clear right up front
01:11:41that you had no interest in me whatsoever.
01:11:43So how did I deceive you?
01:11:45By telling me categorically that you weren't interested in me
01:11:48in such a way that implied you were interested in me.
01:11:51I don't have to listen to this.
01:11:54Once in a while,
01:11:54it wouldn't hurt you to stop putting on an act
01:11:56and be yourself.
01:11:57Oh, really?
01:11:58And it wouldn't hurt you once in a while
01:12:00not to be so infuriatingly, self-righteously, bloody honest.
01:12:04Hello?
01:12:05You can't begin to imagine
01:12:06the fetid quagmire that passes for my love life.
01:12:09It has no stability of any kind.
01:12:11All right,
01:12:12say I was enjoying your company.
01:12:14Well, stranger things have hap...
01:12:15Oh, thank you, Mr. Bean.
01:12:45What the hell are you doing?
01:13:00I told you to stay outside Francesca's door
01:13:02and not to move.
01:13:03Sorry, Mr. Klaas,
01:13:04I had to pass urine.
01:13:05I don't pay you to pass urine.
01:13:07I pay you not to move from the dressing room.
01:13:09There's a young girl in there
01:13:10whose life could well be in danger
01:13:12if we don't all...
01:13:13I've put on three pounds since last Sunday.
01:13:25I can't do the show.
01:13:26I'll never get inside that thing.
01:13:37Listen.
01:13:39I'm going to go over some things with the director.
01:13:41I'm going to leave Jonathan here
01:13:43and he's going to lock the door.
01:13:45Aren't you, Jonathan?
01:13:47And it's going to stay locked
01:13:48until I get back.
01:13:51So melodramatic.
01:13:53What's going to happen to me
01:13:55in my dressing room?
01:13:56Nothing.
01:13:57I'm going to make sure of that.
01:13:58Just going to freshen up.
01:14:12Okay.
01:14:21Hi.
01:14:23She's in the shower at the moment.
01:14:25Can I get her to...
01:14:25My name's Serena Shale,
01:14:27calling from Eve magazine.
01:14:28I think she'll know me.
01:14:30I wonder if you'd give her a message.
01:14:32Tell her I want to buy her story.
01:14:34I'm absolutely serious.
01:14:36Tell her to forget any personal situation between us.
01:14:39This is a professional inquiry.
01:14:41I'd like to publish her account
01:14:43of her affair with my husband.
01:14:45And I'm prepared to make
01:14:47a very generous offer for the rights.
01:14:50Right.
01:14:51If she'd like to talk things over,
01:14:52I'm coming to the show tonight.
01:14:54Maybe we could meet for a drink afterwards
01:14:56and discuss terms.
01:14:57For the third time of asking,
01:15:26can you ring me at the theatre ASAP?
01:15:41I've been trying to ring you.
01:15:45Didn't have to talk a lot of crap last night.
01:15:49So did you.
01:15:51I accept your unconditional apology.
01:15:54Thanks.
01:15:54Thanks.
01:15:56Oh, my God.
01:15:58What's he going to do to me?
01:16:00I think I fathomed it.
01:16:01What?
01:16:02How Hedley Shale was murdered.
01:16:04You're kidding.
01:16:05How?
01:16:06There's a number of things.
01:16:06They don't make any sense
01:16:07until you put them all together.
01:16:09Why was that rubber band on the bedroom floor?
01:16:11Why was the letter on the doormat?
01:16:13Why would someone fire bullets
01:16:14through the middle of a painting?
01:16:15Why would they?
01:16:16First, clear your mind of all preconceptions.
01:16:20This is more calculated
01:16:21and evil than we imagined.
01:16:23How are you doing, sweetheart?
01:16:39The place is jumping out there.
01:16:41This is so weird.
01:16:42I mean, it's just weird.
01:16:44What?
01:16:45Someone stole my waging machine.
01:16:49I had a set of scales I brought in this morning,
01:16:51but this door has been locked all day.
01:16:54How did they get inside this room?
01:16:57I gotta go.
01:16:58I'm going to go.
01:19:29So, how much are you offering her for all the spicy details?
01:19:33Be worth it, whatever it is, to up your circulation.
01:19:36I just wonder if you've got it right this time.
01:19:41Meaning what?
01:21:42Something that went deeper than pore cleanser.
01:21:45Something he found in Katrina Topless.
01:21:49Katrina?
01:21:50I'm afraid.
01:21:54Headley and Katrina.
01:21:56That's who he really had scheduled for his bedroom romp that day.
01:22:01Francesca never really figured in his life at all.
01:22:06I think that's right, isn't it?
01:22:08Even after you'd stripped off for him, he still somehow managed to resist.
01:22:14And you couldn't handle that.
01:22:17What did he do?
01:22:19Tell you to keep the painting as a peace offering and go away.
01:22:23Headley loved me.
01:22:24Headley loved me.
01:22:26He could not live without me.
01:22:27Well, you proved that.
01:22:30And you made him pay for that rejection.
01:22:34You made sure you'd go down in history as his ill-fated lover.
01:22:37His death would be your passport to fortune and fame.
01:22:43What do you expect me to say to all this?
01:22:46The whole thing would have been physically impossible.
01:22:51Sometimes it's not hard to make things look impossible if you work at it.
01:22:55It wasn't too difficult to get over that wall into the bedroom through the back garden.
01:23:01He never picked up that letter in the porch because you never went in through the front door that day.
01:23:06Did you?
01:23:07Once you're inside, Headley's downstairs on the phone.
01:23:11Katrina's due at any minute.
01:23:16You force the drawers to fake a robbery.
01:23:22You threw the jury out the window to make it look like the thief had dropped it on the way out.
01:23:28You roughed up the bed a bit to make it look like there'd been a wrestling match.
01:23:30And then the devious bit.
01:23:40You tied yourself up.
01:23:43A couple of pinholes in the blindfold so you can see what you're doing.
01:23:47Once it's peeled off, no-one's going to check that.
01:23:49Then you brace yourself against the wall.
01:24:01Elbow the vase over to get Headley's attention.
01:24:04And wait it.
01:24:06This is crazy.
01:24:08So I've just bound and gagged myself.
01:24:11How did I shoot him?
01:24:12Well, that was always the real stumper.
01:24:16Those prints on the gun, which apparently belonged to no-one who'd been in the house that day.
01:24:21We were wrong, weren't we?
01:24:23They belonged to you, Francesca.
01:24:25If you checked your facts, my fingerprints were eliminated with everyone else's.
01:24:32Ask the police.
01:24:33No-one said they were fingerprints.
01:24:38Not the first thing that's going to occur to anyone.
01:24:41You'd fire the gun with your foot.
01:24:44But you'd already have plenty of target practice.
01:24:48With the painting in the cellar, the one you didn't want us to see.
01:24:52So when Headley walked in, you weren't going to miss.
01:25:03Worthy of Houdini.
01:25:05The way you got that elastic band on and off your foot.
01:25:07Again, you'd had bags of practice.
01:25:14You can't possibly expect the police to believe this.
01:25:18Not without hard proof, obviously.
01:25:20Which is why this afternoon, Jonathan had me pop some bathroom scales down to the CID
01:25:26to eliminate your toe prints from their enquiries.
01:25:29Unfortunately.
01:25:36Sorry about that.
01:25:37OK.
01:25:38How are we all doing in here?
01:25:39Who wants a little top-up, huh?
01:25:44What?
01:25:46Miss Patron?
01:25:49You were nothing to him.
01:25:52You're less than nothing.
01:25:53No.
01:25:54I will never be nothing again.
01:25:59You still and my story will cast you dumb.
01:26:03So...
01:26:25Can I give you a lift back to your hotel?
01:26:28Er, no, thanks. I may as well get a cab.
01:26:35You see, that's where I have absolutely no idea how your mind works.
01:26:41To suddenly lock into that area, but because only her hands were tied up.
01:26:47I know. Somewhere I still had that image of those long prehensile toes.
01:26:52And when I turned the TV remote off last night on my foot, I just saw it.
01:26:58This coffee's a long time coming.
01:27:11They've probably forgotten all about us. Oh, well.
01:27:14I could give them another ring. No, er, to be honest, I suppose I ought to get back.
01:27:19Well, if you ever want any help again, don't ring me, whatever you do.
01:27:23All that snooping round people's houses getting sadistically molested by vacuum cleaners, no thanks.
01:27:29I promise I'll never bother you again.
01:27:33Good night.
01:27:35Night.
01:27:37Night of Moody.
01:27:54Night of Moody.
01:27:56Night of Moody.
01:28:00Night of Moody.
01:28:31Coffee for two?
01:28:47Just put it over there, please.
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