- 18 hours ago
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03:58Are you going to stay and cheer me up for a bit?
04:00Oh.
04:01Yeah.
04:02All right.
04:05All right.
04:07Um.
04:09Did we keep up the death benefit insurance?
04:13No, no.
04:14I was just thinking, I mean, it would be a bit daft, wouldn't it?
04:16Having to rummage about amongst the effects.
04:22I think the fridge has gone again.
04:24Oh.
04:24Get back there, Cactus Creek.
04:26Oh, yes, right.
04:26I was thinking, it might be better if I slept on the couch tonight.
04:29You know what, with all the germs.
04:30Oh, I shouldn't bother, George.
04:32Even in this bed, you never get close enough to catch anything.
04:36Ah!
04:36Ah!
04:38Ah!
04:39You're off!
04:42I don't know one end of a baby from the other.
04:44If I put a nappy on it, it'd probably suffocate.
04:46Look, I don't know anything about them either, but I've made a fortune from babysitting.
04:49Yeah, but she's got a point, Jeremy.
04:51It's very...
04:52How much do they pay you?
04:53Forty pence an hour.
04:55Forty pence an hour?
04:57Listen, if they were out for about four, five hours, that would be, er...
05:01Or even six or seven hours, that is, er...
05:04That's forty pence an hour.
05:06Look, I'm not going to be left on my own with a young baby.
05:08Look, Robin will go with you.
05:10Oh, no, I'm very sorry.
05:11Match of the day is on.
05:13Yes, in black and white, they've got colour.
05:15Have they?
05:16Yes, and a bar full of drinks.
05:17He always tells me to help myself.
05:19You know, I tell you what, Chrissie, it would be helping them out of a tight spot, wouldn't it?
05:22Oh, look, there's Philip. Will you do it, please?
05:24No, all right.
05:25Oh, thank you.
05:30Hello, Jo.
05:31Hello, Philip.
05:32Hello, everybody.
05:33Hello, Philip.
05:34And what heady delights have you planned for this evening?
05:36A Stockhausen concert at the Town Hall.
05:40I think I'd rather have a baby.
05:44It's 7.30, Podge.
05:46Is the baby settled yet?
05:48Not quite.
05:48He's kicking a bit.
05:50Oh, he's going to be a footballer, this one.
05:52No, I meant Jonathan.
05:53Oh, he's fast asleep.
05:56Oh, that was a goal.
05:59I'm saying, you are going to be all right.
06:00I mean, you're going to be all right tonight, aren't you?
06:02Because my boss won't take very kindly to you whelping in the middle of dinner.
06:06Dr Jenkins says it won't be for two weeks yet.
06:09Yeah.
06:09Seven months ago, he said it was indigestion.
06:15Hello, Mr Randall.
06:16Hello. Go on through, will you?
06:19Joe couldn't make it, so we're babysitting instead, if that's all right.
06:22Yes, of course, that's fine.
06:24It's very kind of you.
06:25Podge, you know Chrissie?
06:26Yes.
06:26And this is Robin.
06:27Hello.
06:29We're not too early, are we?
06:33No!
06:34This is number two.
06:35Oh.
06:36Is it going to be a boy or a girl?
06:38Oh, I do hope so.
06:41Jonathan's in our room. Come through.
06:44Well, I'll show you where the bottles are.
06:47Oh, that's very decent of you. Thank you.
06:55Just in case, um, just in case he wakes up, you know, while we're out.
06:58Oh.
06:59Oh, and this is a sort of chopper-upper.
07:01Podge doesn't feed him, it's herself.
07:03Oh, you do it.
07:04No.
07:05No, she does it, but she doesn't do it herself.
07:08No, I'm sorry, I don't quite understand.
07:10Oh, yes, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
07:13Oh, he's lovely.
07:15How old is he?
07:16He's just coming up to a year.
07:18You hardly had time to catch your breath before you were off again.
07:22Exactly.
07:23Simon thought it would be a good cure for postnatal depression.
07:29I didn't suppose we'll be very late back, thanks.
07:32Oh, listen, don't worry, don't worry.
07:34Listen, just tell me, where do you keep your colour TV set?
07:36There.
07:37Usually, but it's a way for repair at the moment.
07:41Come on now, Podge.
07:42Let's take us at least half an hour to get there.
07:44All right, all right.
07:46Honestly, Simon, you take all the pleasure out of being late.
07:50Oh, we'll pass lots to a drink.
07:52Oh, we will, thanks.
07:53Have a good time.
07:54Bye, bye.
07:56Yes, well.
08:00Click.
08:02Oh, look at that colour, eh?
08:05Perhaps a little bit more brightness, you think?
08:07Oh, look at the emerald green of the pitch.
08:09Look.
08:10Look.
08:11Chelsea are playing in their blue strip.
08:12Leeds in their yellow strip.
08:13And look!
08:14Look at that brilliant red colour of the shirt of the Liverpool player
08:16who's got on the wrong train.
08:19Okay, so you missed a football match.
08:21There'll be another one next week.
08:22Oh, yeah.
08:24Right.
08:25Help yourself to a drink and forget about it.
08:26Yes, sir.
08:27Think I will.
08:27Very good thinking.
08:28Hey, they've got the lot here.
08:30Right.
08:30I think I shall have a little, er...
08:37It's lots!
08:39Have a swig of Cal and Gate.
08:40Oh.
08:42That's great, isn't it, eh?
08:43No football, no drink.
08:47You know what we could do?
08:49No.
08:49Just a sec.
08:52Listen, you know our flat's empty?
08:54So?
08:54Well, somebody could break in and steal our television set
08:58that's in perfectly good working order.
09:00I think I'd just better nip home.
09:00You sit down.
09:01You're not leaving me here on my own.
09:03Here, read that.
09:04Let's have a nice, quiet, peaceful evening.
09:19That stuff doesn't kill germs, George.
09:22You just get more of them coming in from outside to see what smells are nice.
09:25Yes, sir.
09:27Well, there's no point in taking a risk, Mildred.
09:34You've still got your gas mask in the cupboard, I mean, if you really want it.
09:37Yeah, yeah, don't be silly.
09:39Well, perhaps you'd like me to stop breathing for the rest of the night.
09:41He took his boots off and came down over the place.
09:44And he said, I'm coming through.
09:46Oh.
09:46Good book, is it?
09:47Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:48Yeah, the sheriff's about to have it out in the main street.
09:50Oh, I must read that.
09:53Oh.
09:53There you go, everything.
09:54Good day.
09:55On the day of the set.
09:56George.
09:57Oh, fine.
09:58George, it's not very warm tonight, is it?
10:02Now, don't start that, Mildred.
10:05Well, I'm only snuggling up.
10:07Yeah, that's what you always say.
10:08Now, you need rest, my beloved.
10:11Good.
10:12There you go.
10:13Oh, I say, hey, here's a twist.
10:15The girl from the saloon's found out that the sheriff's gun's loaded with blanks.
10:18I know how she feels.
10:26I thought he'd never go off.
10:28What do I do with this?
10:31Put it in the bathroom.
10:36You've never changed one before, have you?
10:38How could you tell?
10:39You seven nappy pins.
10:41But you wanted to feed him.
10:43At least I knew which end to go for.
10:46Actually, no.
10:48I quite like kids.
10:50I didn't think I did, you know.
10:51But when those chubby little fingers reach out and grab hold of your nose,
10:56yeah, it sort of gives you a funny feeling.
10:57Yeah, I know.
10:58It's called agony.
10:59No.
11:00Now, come on.
11:01I mean, all women love babies.
11:03It's a well-known fallacy.
11:04Oh, I suppose he's quite nice, really.
11:06Especially now, when he's asleep.
11:08If we keep really quiet, we should be able to have a nice, quiet, peaceful evening.
11:14Telephone.
11:15I know, but where?
11:17There.
11:18I thought that was an ornament.
11:21Hello?
11:23It is an ornament.
11:24It is an ornament.
11:30Shh!
11:31Hello?
11:32Oh, I'm sorry.
11:33I was ringing as quietly as I could.
11:35It's Simon here.
11:36Look, Podge has gone into labour right in the middle of the Vichy Soares.
11:40Nasty.
11:41Yes, well, she's getting pains about every five minutes, so of course I must drive her
11:44to the hospital.
11:44Yes, yes, yes, of course.
11:45Well, I mean, can you cope if I don't get back until later?
11:48Ah, good.
11:48Have another drink.
11:49I haven't had one yet.
11:51It's locked.
11:52Oh, is it?
11:53Are the keys in the writing desk?
11:54Oh, okay.
11:55Now, don't worry.
11:56It won't spoil anything, because Vichy Soares is cold.
11:59All right?
11:59What?
12:01Well, how about that?
12:02Well, lucky it wasn't a souffle.
12:04Ah, writing desk.
12:06So we'll stop here till he gets back.
12:08That's all we needed.
12:12It's locked.
12:13That's all we needed.
12:16Oh, we were both wrong.
12:18That's all we needed.
12:49There, there, there.
12:51Did the nasty man frighten you with his horrible voice?
12:55I was singing him a lullaby.
12:58Lily the Pink?
12:59Well, I don't know any proper lullabies.
13:02Anyway, the human voice is supposed to be very soothing to a baby.
13:05Not your voice.
13:06Well, anybody's voice.
13:08Tell you what, I'll read him a story.
13:10He's too young.
13:11It'll help to settle him down.
13:16Percy Puff Puff and his little red toot-er.
13:24Toot-toot, said Percy the Puff Puff as he puffed along the...
13:28You following it so far?
13:30Puff Puffs do not talk.
13:32He wasn't talking, he was tooting.
13:35Oh, sorry.
13:36Okay.
13:38Oh, what a lovely day, said Percy.
13:42He's talking now, but he wasn't before.
13:47And he tooted again.
13:50Toot-toot!
13:52Sammy the Signal waved his arm as Percy passed him.
13:56Where are you going?
13:57Said Sammy.
13:59I'm on my way to the seaside, said Percy.
14:02I think we both preferred Lily the Pink.
14:05But this is not written for you.
14:06It's written for him.
14:08And me.
14:11Percy's little tender behind...
14:16Him, sorry.
14:17...was full of coal for the journey.
14:19Shh!
14:20I think you finally bored him to sleep.
14:23Right.
14:26Here you go.
14:40Shh!
14:52I just want to see how it ends.
14:59You're not really going to read that, are you?
15:01Yeah.
15:02Well, it gets pretty spicy later on.
15:03He has a thing going with the old Daphne diesel engine.
15:08Half past eleven.
15:09I wonder how Mrs Randall's getting on.
15:11Ah, she'll be all right.
15:12There's nothing to it.
15:14What?
15:15Well, I mean, in China, you know, the women don't even straighten up from picking the right. It's Splash.
15:19What do we call it, eh?
15:21Oh, yeah.
15:24How would you feel if men had the babies?
15:26Terrified of being alone with you, Ducky.
15:29You are an unfeeling pig.
15:30Oh.
15:31Yes, I know.
15:32But, uh...
15:33Hello?
15:34Hello?
15:35Ah, Chrissie?
15:36Look, nothing's happened yet.
15:37We started the countdown and I think we have a hold.
15:40You're at the hospital?
15:42Yes.
15:42Yes, of course.
15:43And the thing is, you see, I promised that I'd be here with Podge to watch the birth.
15:48Watch the whole thing.
15:49It was your idea.
15:51I'm not bothered.
15:52Darling, please, will you leave this to me?
15:54It's a very difficult time for a husband.
15:56Hello?
15:56Hello?
15:57Yeah, well, could you possibly stay on a bit longer?
16:00Yes, of course we could.
16:01Don't worry about a thing.
16:02Listen, ask him where the key to the writing desk is.
16:05Hello?
16:06Where is the key to the writing desk?
16:09Well, do you want to write something?
16:11No, I want to drink something.
16:14No, no, boy, you want the drinks cabinet.
16:16Do help yourself and thank you for everything.
16:20Oh, he's still babbling on a bit.
16:22Still, I suppose it's understandable, you know, seeing what he's going through.
16:25Him? What about her?
16:26Well, yes, it's her as well, I suppose.
16:28It's all her.
16:30He did his bit months ago and he probably enjoyed it.
16:33You're a real male chauvinist, you are.
16:35You can't argue with Father Nature.
16:37Now, give me your hair slide.
16:38Really?
16:39Hair slide.
16:40Kip.
16:42You going to pick the lock?
16:43Probably not, but I'm going to try to.
16:45He did say, help yourself.
16:47Can you do it?
16:48Not always.
16:49I mean, so far I've had no luck with your bedroom door.
16:53Actually, have you got some tweezers?
16:54Are you going to pluck your eyebrows at the same time?
16:57No, it just might be a little bit...
16:59Uh-huh.
17:03Voila.
17:04No luck in Europe can defy our riffles.
17:09The gentleman...
17:10Safe cracker.
17:11Raffles.
17:12Put me down for two tickets.
17:13Right, now.
17:15What will you have?
17:16I suppose we deserve one.
17:17Sherry, please.
17:18All right.
17:19A little sherry for you, my dear.
17:21Ha-ha-ha-ha.
17:23And I think I will have myself a little scotch.
17:29Just a little one.
17:32Right.
17:33There we are.
17:37A couple of these and I'm anybodies.
17:39A cup of tea and you're anybodies.
17:43You think I'm sex mad, don't you?
17:45Hmm.
17:46Well, I'm not really.
17:47I know I sort of, you know, put on that I am, but I mean, you sort of expect that
17:51from
17:51fellas.
17:51But, well, to tell you the truth, Chrissie, and, you know, I've never, never told this
17:59to anybody before, but I am, I am generally worried about my virility.
18:07Really?
18:08Yeah.
18:10See, what I think I need is, is a sort of sympathetic girl, you know, sort of help me sort
18:18out my
18:18problems and, oh!
18:20Oh, get off!
18:22I will if you like.
18:23But when Gay Lib comes to me, remember you're to blame, dear.
18:26You never give in.
18:27Neither do you.
18:29Oh, no.
18:30Not again.
18:33Look, you're not going in, are you?
18:35Oh, he probably only wants a little cuddle.
18:37I know how he feels.
18:42I've had a lovely evening, Philip.
18:43Have you really?
18:44Yes, but this wasn't it.
18:45Don't you like Stockhausen's music?
18:48Not to listen to.
18:49Well, perhaps it was his exploration of the spatial possibilities of the 12-note idiom,
18:54and his use of variant stage, breaking it together, that confused you, eh?
18:58That was it, yes.
18:59Look, I'd love to invite you in, if only my flatmates weren't here.
19:02Oh, excuse me.
19:07Hello?
19:08Hello, it's me.
19:09Look, we're still at the Randalls, and he hasn't stopped crying for 20 minutes.
19:12Who, Robin?
19:13No, the baby, Jonathan.
19:16What do you usually do?
19:18Um, well, you know the cabinet in their bathroom?
19:20Yeah.
19:21Well, there's some cotton wool in there.
19:23Yeah?
19:24I stuff it in my ears.
19:26Look, I'm being serious.
19:27There might be something wrong with him.
19:29Has he turned to look?
19:30No.
19:31Why?
19:31Should he?
19:32No, I don't think so.
19:34Look, phone Mrs Roper.
19:35She used to work in a hospital.
19:36Bye.
19:37So you're alone, eh?
19:38No, but I will be in a minute when you've gone.
19:40I thought I might have a coffee.
19:41Yeah, wonderful idea.
19:42There's an all-night wimpy bar down the road.
19:44I've got some fabulous stockhairs and cassettes in the car.
19:49Oh!
19:50What a jolly sand castle.
19:53Come on, there, there, there, there, there.
19:55And see, at the very tippy top, I've put a seashell.
19:58What did, what did, what did he say?
20:00Oh, she doesn't know.
20:01Do you think he's teething?
20:03No.
20:03I'm sorry, theorist.
20:06You're not worried at all, are you?
20:08Look, you are responsible for that baby.
20:10I can't be.
20:11I've only been in London six months.
20:13I'm going to phone Mrs Roper.
20:15All right.
20:15Now, where were we?
20:16Come on, then.
20:17Toot.
20:18Toot, toot.
20:19Toot, toot.
20:20Toot, toot, toot.
20:21Ooh.
20:22And then...
20:31Pig.
20:38George?
20:40George!
20:41No, not now.
20:42I've got an headache.
20:49Hello.
20:50Hello, Mrs Roper.
20:51It's Chrissie.
20:52I hope I'm not disturbing you.
20:53Oh.
20:54No, love.
20:55No.
20:56No, nothing much disturbs me.
21:00Especially in bed.
21:02See, I'm babysitting, you see, and he won't stop crying.
21:05And you used to work in a hospital.
21:07Oh, well, only in the laundry room, dear.
21:10Why, has one of his buttons come off?
21:13No, I don't think so.
21:14Oh, look, hang on a minute.
21:18Now, look, are you sure he doesn't need changing?
21:22No, we've done that.
21:24Ah, but did you wash his bottom, though?
21:26Whose bottom?
21:29Look, love, powder in between his legs and rub in some zinc and castor oil cream.
21:35Who are you talking to?
21:36And if that doesn't work, try dipping his little comforter in Ali.
21:41Who is that?
21:43Look, we've already stirred him.
21:45Ah, but have you winded him?
21:49What?
21:50It's all right, it's all right.
21:51You just settled down.
21:52What?
21:53Hello, hello.
21:55He just gave one almighty burp and went straight to sleep.
21:57All right?
21:58Good night.
21:59Are you sure?
22:00Yeah, he spread out like a lettuce.
22:02No, no, no, no, no, don't disturb him.
22:05Oh, so it was wind.
22:06Yeah.
22:07Well, either that and one minor earthquake.
22:08There you go.
22:10Now, listen, there's, um, there's just one remaining problem.
22:15Well, we might have to sleep here tonight.
22:19And there's only one double bed, right?
22:21Yes.
22:24What do you think, eh?
22:49All right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right.
22:54Hi, what happened to you last night?
22:56Nothing.
22:57Nothing what's going on.
22:59Why didn't you come home?
23:00Oh.
23:01Shh.
23:02He's still asleep.
23:03Yeah, he looks it.
23:07Hello?
23:09It's a girl.
23:10It's a girl.
23:10Seven pounds, ten ounces.
23:12Oh, great.
23:14Congratulations.
23:14It's Mrs. Randall.
23:16Seven pounds, ten.
23:17Well, it soon adds up at 40p and r, doesn't it?
23:21Um, was Jonathan all right?
23:24Oh, yes, as good as gold.
23:26I bet Mr. Randall's pleased.
23:28Ah, well, he hasn't said.
23:30You see, he fainted during the birth, hit his head on the floor and he's now in Ward 3 for
23:35observation.
23:36What?
23:37Well, he may have a slight concussion.
23:39Still, I have phoned my mother and she should be coming straight round to take over from you.
23:44Oh, fine.
23:46Oh, I'll get it, I'll get it.
23:48Hey, listen, why did you two spend the night here together last night?
23:51Jo, you're a woman of the world.
23:52No, I'm not.
23:54You would have been if you'd stayed here last night.
24:00Good morning.
24:01I'm Mrs. Randall's mother.
24:03Where's my grandson?
24:04Uh, through there.
24:05I do hope he's not still asleep.
24:07Is his breakfast to be made, his nappies to be washed and his bed to be aired as well as
24:11changed?
24:12Is his bath ready?
24:13Um, not yet, no.
24:15Actually, we're the night shift.
24:16It's the day shift you want.
24:17What?
24:18Good luck.
24:19He does like toast fingers.
24:21Now, make sure that he's bathed for that.
24:23He's between them.
24:51Thank you so much.
24:52Thank you, very much.
24:57I'll see you again next time.
24:59You
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