- 18 hours ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:52Oh, dear. I don't know what you put down this sink.
00:55It's the third time this month it's got blocked up.
00:57It's the third time we've asked you about it. It's the first time you've done anything.
01:01Yeah, well, I'm a very busy man. People keep pestering me. Do this, do that.
01:05Well, I say, bucket.
01:07What?
01:08Bucket, right, bucket.
01:12Oh, dear.
01:13Look at that. Oh, dear. Look at that, eh?
01:17Potato peelings, milk bottle tops. It's not a waste disposal, you know. It's a sink. Just an ordinary sink.
01:22Fancy a cup of tea, Mr Roper?
01:24Yeah, tar.
01:25Well, we did try clearing it with a length of wire.
01:27Yeah, I know. That's in here and all.
01:32You know, we really should get one of those sink-tidy things. They're very good.
01:48Oh, dear.
01:51Oh, dear.
01:57That was a pretty stupid thing to do, wasn't it, eh?
01:59Oh, sorry.
02:00Yeah.
02:01It was only an accident, Mr Roman.
02:03Well, it was obvious it goes straight through without any waste.
02:05Oh, the cap...
02:15Did you see his face?
02:16No.
02:17Listen, I think we'd better give him a glass of champagne when Robin comes back.
02:20Yeah, I tell you what, he can lie flat out on his back and I'll pour it down the plug
02:23hole.
02:25Ah, good timing.
02:26Hey, we've got something for you.
02:28Yeah?
02:28Celebration.
02:29Oh, celebration, yeah.
02:31Well, come on, tell us all about it.
02:33Well, I went down to the Technical College and in the hall they've got this big notice board, right,
02:39with all the exam results posted over it.
02:41Oh, there we go.
02:43Now, at first I couldn't get quite near it, you know, because there was such a crowd.
02:46But, you know, I wanted to sort of find out how they all got on.
02:48But finally I made it.
02:50There was this list.
02:51Cheers.
02:52There was this list.
02:53All the students who'd passed their National Diploma in Catering.
02:55Yes?
02:56There was my name.
02:57Missing.
02:57I failed.
02:58Cheers.
02:58Cheers.
03:00What?
03:01I failed.
03:02Do you think you'll get a rebate on the rest of that stuff?
03:05Well, you can't have failed.
03:06You're a fabulous cook.
03:07Yes, I know, normally, but, you know, my nerves.
03:09And I'm here to tell you that Yorkshire pudding knows when you're nervous.
03:12Oh, yeah, well, I'll fix the, uh, hello, champagne at midday.
03:16Yeah, we're celebrating.
03:17I've just failed my exams.
03:18Oh, congratulations.
03:21Come on.
03:22I think where I went wrong was putting curry powder in my egg custard.
03:26You don't usually do that.
03:28Yeah, I know.
03:28I was hoping the instructor would overlook it, you know, but...
03:30Well, what about the written exams?
03:31Oh, no, I started quite well there.
03:34Yes, I got the date right.
03:36And I wasn't, to be fair, I wasn't too far from the correct answers.
03:39Oh?
03:39No, the guy next door to me had them.
03:41Well, I shouldn't worry too much about it, son.
03:44I mean, I never pass an examination in me life.
03:46Look at me.
03:49Yeah, well, I think I'll be going now.
03:51Thanks for the, uh, the...
03:54Cheerio.
03:57Well, cheer up.
03:58Yeah, it's not the end of the world.
04:00No, you're right.
04:01It's not the end of the world.
04:03That'll happen when I tell my mother and father.
04:06Yeah, he's only got himself to blame.
04:08They don't work, these students.
04:10Long-haired layabouts, most of them.
04:11Oh, poor Mr Tripp.
04:13Yeah, well, it's all this free love on the rates.
04:15It saps the brain.
04:16Yes.
04:18Yes, George.
04:19What they need is a good war to straighten them out.
04:23Yeah.
04:23Yes.
04:24Now, don't you get sarcastic with me.
04:26I've got nothing against the younger generation.
04:28I mean, I'm not long out of it myself.
04:30Oh, come on.
04:31When I was his age, I'd been under a butcher for four years.
04:34Two quid a week and all the offal I could eat.
04:38Quite right, George, yes.
04:40Up the chimneys with them.
04:42I was 25 before I saw an orange.
04:44Oh.
04:45We was grateful for what we could get in those days.
04:47I still am.
04:49Don't start that.
04:52Look, George, what have you ever done with your life?
04:55I mean, what is the summit of your achievement?
04:57Winning a tin cruet set of Battersea fanfare.
05:00I mean, at least Mr Tripp has tried.
05:02He and failed.
05:02He tried.
05:03And failed.
05:04Oh!
05:07Actually, you know, Dad wants me to go back and work in the family business.
05:11Tripp's Extruded Tubing, Southampton Limited.
05:14You can't extrude tubes for the rest of your life.
05:17My wife wanted me to be a Royal Marine.
05:20What?
05:21Oh, that was before I was born.
05:23I turned out to be a girl.
05:25Yes, yes, yes.
05:28Well, there's no use moping about it.
05:30I'm not.
05:31I didn't want to be a Royal Marine.
05:33No, Joe, me?
05:35No use of me moping about it, yes?
05:38I suppose I could get myself a job.
05:40What is there for a failed cookery student?
05:43Bus driving.
05:43Not a lot of cooking in that.
05:46Thank you very much.
05:46You're a great help.
05:47Listen, I'm at the crossroads of my life.
05:50There's one thing I need more than anything else.
05:52Advice?
05:53No, a pint.
05:56There, mate.
05:57Oh, cheers.
05:59Actually, what I really came round for was some advice.
06:02Well, I don't see your problem.
06:03Just because you're a failure don't mean you're not a success.
06:06I don't understand that, but it sounds encouraging.
06:10Well, they've all been failures at one time or another.
06:12Edward Heath.
06:13He used to walk about.
06:14No shoes on.
06:15Couldn't read all right.
06:17I never knew that.
06:17Yeah.
06:19Mind, he was only 18 months old at the time.
06:22Ah, you're laughing.
06:23Not at a terrible joke like that, I'm not.
06:25Look, you go back to work for your old man, right?
06:27Yeah.
06:27That makes you the bossy son.
06:29Trendy young executive.
06:30Flash car on a firm.
06:32Dolly's secretary sprawled across your blotter.
06:35No, no, it wouldn't be like that.
06:39Would it?
06:41Course it would.
06:42Half the birds in Southampton want to marry a bossy son.
06:44Yeah, and if I concentrated on the other half, eh?
06:46You'd be a while.
06:47And you'd be from London, wouldn't you?
06:50I don't know anything about extruded tubes.
06:53Now then, I don't know much about anything else, are they?
06:55Yeah, well, you're a fast learner.
06:57Look at the way you picked up five billions.
06:59I don't know what you...
07:01Oh, God, the laughing landlord.
07:03Mr. Simmons, you know I'm not one to complain,
07:05but you left your yoghurt on the front doorstep all day yesterday.
07:09It lures the tone of the whole neighbourhood.
07:11Good afternoon.
07:13Hello.
07:14Yeah, I'm sorry about it, Mr. Gideon.
07:16And I've spoken to you before about bringing young ladies into the house.
07:18He's a fella!
07:22I'm referring to last Wednesday evening between the odds of 6.47 and 11.28,
07:27with particular reference to 16 minutes past 10.
07:31Yeah, well, you know...
07:32I live upstairs, you know.
07:34Yes, I thought you might.
07:35Well, quite frankly, I was on the verge of banging.
07:41Well, I'll say no more about that,
07:43but I feel I must mention one other subject.
07:46Fly spray.
07:49Yeah.
07:50Fly spray.
07:52Oh, yeah.
07:53Fly spray.
07:54Well, it doesn't do me any good.
07:56It doesn't exactly thrill the flies, doesn't it?
08:00I'm allergic.
08:02I mean, when you use fly spray down here,
08:03it permeates up to me.
08:05I've trouble with my breathing.
08:07Well, I'll say no more about that.
08:10I'm not one to complain, you know.
08:13I have trouble with my breathing.
08:16He'll have more trouble if I ever get my ears round his throat.
08:19Oh, landlords.
08:20Yeah, oh, Mr. Rope was just as bad.
08:23Mingey little ferret.
08:24Yeah, still, you got compensations, ain't you?
08:27Chrissy and Joe.
08:28No wonder you failed your exam.
08:30Shaky handwriting.
08:33You know how it is.
08:34They beg and plead.
08:36I always say the same thing.
08:37Get away.
08:38No, that's not it.
08:40I think you'd better get back to Southampton
08:42while your legs can still carry you to the station.
08:44Actually, you could be right there, Larry.
08:46Here's to Southampton.
08:48Cheers.
08:49Cheers.
08:49Did you see the look that girl in the dress shop gave me?
08:52Well, I could see her point.
08:53Have you got the same size, only bigger?
08:55Well, she knew what I meant.
08:58Do you think this is a bit low-cut?
09:00Hmm?
09:01No, you'll be all right.
09:02Just walk around with your arms folded.
09:04Yeah, but do you think it brings out the real me?
09:06Well, it'll bring out most of the real you.
09:09Ah, hello, sunshine.
09:11Oh, you're not still depressed about your exams, are you?
09:13No, no, I've got over that.
09:15You found something else to be depressed about.
09:16That was quick.
09:17Come on, sit down a second.
09:18Jo, Jo, come on.
09:20Sit down.
09:22I want to read you a letter, okay?
09:28Dear Mum,
09:30this is to my mother.
09:31Yes.
09:33Dear Mum, I blew it.
09:34I'm coming home to work for Dad.
09:35Love, Robin.
09:39Does that mean that you're going to leave the flat?
09:41Oh, no, no.
09:42I shall commute from here to Southampton twice a day.
09:44You are leaving?
09:46Yes, yes, I am.
09:47But, you know, not right away.
09:48I'll hang on a bit till you find a replacement for me.
09:51You know, might take some time.
09:53Hello, Chrissy.
09:54Hello, Jo.
09:55On the other hand, it might not.
09:57Oh, yeah, there might be a vacancy in the flat.
10:00Is that right?
10:00I don't know.
10:30Listen, when Larry moves in, you'd better watch him because he's a randy little beggar.
10:33Oh, well, we won't notice the difference, then.
10:36Oh, come on, be fair.
10:39I mean, I might have tried it on once or twice, but when you said no, I didn't push it.
10:43No, and now it's too late.
10:46Well, I'll tell you what, there's a couple of hours before my train leaves.
10:48We've got time for a quick...
10:49Oh!
10:50All right, I won't push it.
10:57Will you miss me?
10:58Hmm.
10:59The bathroom won't be the same without your wet underpants dripping over the sink.
11:03Is that how you see me?
11:05Wet underpants?
11:06Is that it?
11:07No.
11:08There's your socks as well.
11:10No, of course I'll miss you.
11:13Much?
11:14Hmm.
11:15Quite a bit.
11:17Actually, you know, Chrissy...
11:19There was a time when I thought, you know, maybe you and me, we might have sort of got it
11:23together.
11:24But I always said no.
11:26Right.
11:26And you always believe me.
11:32You sort of...
11:34trying to say that you didn't mean it?
11:35Of course I meant it.
11:37Oh.
11:38There you go again, believing me.
11:40Come on, let's go and get the rest of your stuff.
11:42I don't understand that.
11:46Two meat skewers.
11:49One cooking thermometer.
11:50One slidey thing that you put in the pan.
11:54Spatula.
11:56And, um, what do you do with this?
11:59My cuddle eggs.
12:00Ask a silly question.
12:03Actually, no, there's not much point in me taking this lot back to Southampton.
12:05I'll most probably never cook again.
12:06Oh, but you must.
12:08It's the thing you do best.
12:09No, it isn't.
12:10But you wouldn't know about that.
12:14Why?
12:14What else do you do?
12:16I believe people.
12:19Right.
12:20Well.
12:21Oh, I'd better say my goodbyes.
12:23But you don't leave for two hours.
12:24I know, but I'm such a sentimental person.
12:26It takes me so long to say goodbye.
12:28You're sitting on your thermometer.
12:30What?
12:35Actually, by rights, you should have a headache.
12:38A tryer to the last.
12:39I'll give him that.
12:40No, come on.
12:42Joe, Chrissie.
12:43No, seriously, for a moment.
12:45Well, I'd just like to say it's been...
12:47Well, you've been.
12:48You've been really, really good mates.
12:50And, well, quite frankly, living here with you two,
12:53it's been like sharing with a couple of blokes.
12:55Oh, charming.
12:57Well, I mean, to all intents and purposes, it has, isn't it?
13:00No, I'm sorry.
13:02No, I didn't mean that.
13:04Now, look, what I'm trying to say is that...
13:07Well, the two of you, you've been really...
13:09really good friends, and, er...
13:14Well, I'm going to miss you two both.
13:16Quite a lot.
13:19And, er...
13:19Well, if we sort of don't see each other again...
13:22Well, I shan't forget you two, because...
13:26It's...
13:26It's a bit special for me to have known you both, and, er...
13:32Are you all right?
13:33I've just got something in my eye.
13:35Excuse me.
13:38I didn't mean to upset her.
13:39I was just trying...
13:40Oh, come on.
13:41Well, not you as well, Jo.
13:43I'm all right.
13:45Oh, good.
13:51Right, then.
13:51Well, um, I'll say my goodbyes to the Ropers.
13:55Okay?
13:55I said I would.
13:59Er...
14:00I'll say my goodbyes to the Ropers.
14:10I'll say my goodbyes to the Ropers.
14:18I'll say my goodbyes to the Ropers.
14:24I'll say my goodbyes to the Ropers.
14:25Where's yours?
14:26Oh...
14:27Honestly, George, you aren't the most selfish pig I've ever met in the whole of my life.
14:33Er...
14:33Oh, hello, Mr. Tripp.
14:35Hello.
14:36I thought I'd just sort of pop down and say cheerio.
14:37Oh, come in for a minute.
14:40OK, why not? Yes.
14:43Here we are.
14:45Have a last cuppa, eh? OK.
14:48Good. Sit down.
14:55George? Eh?
14:57Chat, George. Chat. You know, be pleasant.
15:00Oh, oh, yeah.
15:02So you're going back to sponge off your dad, then?
15:06Well, I couldn't quite put it like that.
15:09Actually, I couldn't to my mother's letter.
15:10You know, my dad's really happy about it, and so is she.
15:12Yeah.
15:13She's convinced I haven't changed my socks since I left home.
15:18It's only joking. I have changed my socks.
15:21Yes, well, it's quite an opportunity for you, isn't it? Very nice, I'm sure.
15:24Of course, I could have had a very profitable window-cleaning round, you know.
15:27Mm?
15:28Has she been willing to climb ladders?
15:31Oh, yes.
15:33I must say it, Mr Tripp.
15:35It's been a pleasure having a man about the house.
15:37I think you mean another man, my love.
15:41A real...
15:44Hasn't it, George?
15:45Ah, well, I suppose so.
15:47Yeah, well, I'm sorry I called you a long-haired layabout.
15:52I didn't know you had.
15:54But only in fun.
15:55LAUGHTER
15:57Well, I'm sorry I called you a mingy little ferret.
16:00Yeah.
16:02Right?
16:03You know, only in fun.
16:06Um, a biscuit, Mr Tripp.
16:08Mm?
16:08Oh, thank you.
16:12Ooh, chocolate.
16:18It's a pity about Robin leaving.
16:20We had some good times.
16:21Did you?
16:22You never tell me.
16:24Not that.
16:25Honestly, for a girl who doesn't fling it about, you don't half-half on it.
16:28LAUGHTER
16:29I'm no more obsessed about fellas than you are.
16:32Exactly.
16:32You should be ashamed of yourself.
16:35Oh, yes?
16:36Ah, I'm looking for Robin.
16:38Robin Tripp.
16:39This is flat, too?
16:41Yes.
16:41Yes, come in.
16:44Um...
16:45He's downstairs at the moment.
16:46Was he expecting you?
16:47No.
16:48No, I'm Robin's father.
16:49Oh, yes, a photograph.
16:51Oh, hello.
16:52Um, I'm Chrissie.
16:53This is Joe.
16:54Er, let me take your hat and coat.
16:56Do sit down.
16:59Chrissie and Joe, eh?
17:02Well, he rather gave his mother and me the impression it was Chris and Joe.
17:05Joe with an E.
17:07More like, er, men.
17:09Oh, well, we're not.
17:10I have spotted that, innit?
17:14He, he, wait till I tell his mother.
17:16No, on second thoughts, I don't know.
17:19Oh, it's all been very innocent.
17:21I'm sure it has, but you know what mothers are.
17:23Anyway, it does clear up one point that's been bothering me.
17:25Oh, what's that?
17:26Well, in one of his letters, he let slip that he'd spilt your perfume.
17:28I've been wondering what sort of fellow you were.
17:31LAUGHTER
17:33Right, second mark, goodbyes.
17:35Hello, Dad.
17:37Hello, son.
17:37I wasn't expecting, er...
17:40You've met, er...
17:42Oh, yeah.
17:43Chris and Joe.
17:45Oh, good.
17:46Well, if you'll excuse us,
17:48we both need a quick shave before we dash off to rugger practice.
17:51LAUGHTER
17:54What are you doing down here, Dad?
17:55I mean, er...
17:56You know, I could have got on the train myself.
17:58I've been doing it for years.
17:59Look, lad, I think you and me had better have a man-to-man chat.
18:02What, another one?
18:04No, no, a different subject this time.
18:06LAUGHTER
18:07Now, then, your mother would have told you
18:08how close it is to my heart
18:10that you should come back and work for me.
18:12Yep.
18:12Aye, well, it's a pack of lies.
18:15LAUGHTER
18:17Well, I mean, according to Mum's letter,
18:19she said that you said that you...
18:20I probably did,
18:21but that was when I thought
18:22there was no chance of you doing it, see?
18:24What?
18:24Well, it kept her happy.
18:26Look, son, you...
18:27You're a fine lad, and I'm proud of you,
18:30but the fact is, you've got no brains.
18:33LAUGHTER
18:35Not your fault you take after your mother.
18:38LAUGHTER
18:40Sort of hoping I could sort of be an executive, you know,
18:42I mean, they don't need much brains, do they?
18:44Executive what?
18:45Well, I sort of hadn't got past
18:47the sort of flashy car dolly-bird sprawl row.
18:49Well, I mean, I realised I'd have to start at the bottom,
18:51as it were, you know, for a couple of days.
18:54No, lad.
18:55When it comes to extruded tubing,
18:58you've got to start when you're 16.
19:00And you've got to love it.
19:03How can anyone love an extruded tube?
19:06There's only one job in the factory
19:08where you might not make a total cock-up.
19:10Staff canteen.
19:11LAUGHTER
19:12And you do cook a bit, don't you?
19:14Well, yes, you know, but I hadn't...
19:16Well, I suppose, er...
19:18Yeah.
19:18Well, would I be in total charge?
19:19Oh, aye.
19:20You'd be the only one there.
19:22LAUGHTER
19:23Well, yes, why not?
19:25I mean, I could do some exciting new dishes,
19:27some classical French cuisine, you know,
19:29with a little bit of imagination.
19:30I could...
19:31Oh, I could...
19:32I couldn't.
19:34Been bangers and mash Monday
19:35and whistle's Wednesday for the past 30 years.
19:38Change that, you'll have a strike.
19:43I see.
19:43Yeah.
19:45You really don't want me to come back, do you?
19:48No, look, lad, I'm not daft.
19:49What you'd really like
19:50is another year studying this cooking nonsense, right?
19:54Well, yes, but, you know, the...
19:56the money you give me...
19:58Oh, that's not much.
19:58I know it's not.
19:59If I could have another ten a month, you know,
20:01you'd save, if I wasn't at home,
20:02you'd save on the laundry bills, the food bills...
20:04True, true.
20:06I could be wrong about them brains of yours.
20:08Excuse us, but you might like some tea.
20:10Oh, very nice.
20:11So that's what I suggest you do, son.
20:13Stop on for another year,
20:14and this time pass the bloody exams, eh?
20:16Oh, that's marvellous, Dad, thanks.
20:18You sure Mum's not going to be too disappointed?
20:20Nay, lad, nay.
20:21I'll get her a goldfish.
20:27Hey, does that mean that you're going to stay?
20:30What?
20:30Yes, I believe I am.
20:32Hmm.
20:33And that's all I'm going to believe in, future.
20:35Ooh, me and my big mouse.
20:37Best thing, son, all round.
20:38You see, London, well, it's full of opportunities.
20:42By the way, which bus do I get to Soho?
20:45What?
20:46Well, I've hours before me train.
20:48I think it's super.
20:49Yes, I never fancied that Larry moving in.
20:51No.
20:52This isn't your best bet.
20:54Cal...
20:54Larry.
20:56That's one cracked light fitting.
20:59But I thought to charge you for that.
21:01You're supposed to leave the premises in the same state
21:03in which you've found them.
21:04Oh, be reasonable.
21:05Where am I going to find 50 cockroaches this time of year?
21:12I have never understood your sense of humour, Mr Simmons.
21:16Oh, yes.
21:17There was half a roll of toilet paper when you came here.
21:19Now, where's that?
21:23Where do you think it is?
21:26The replacement for...
21:27Oh, well, we'll let that go.
21:30One square of carpet, nine foot by ten foot six.
21:34Mmm.
21:35It seems to have worn a little.
21:37Yeah, well, I may accidentally have walked on it.
21:40But why don't you just count the doorknobs and I can go?
21:42I fully intend to.
21:45It's true if you wouldn't all.
21:46I'll tell you something, Gideon.
21:47I'm glad to get out of this place, but I'm ecstatic to get short of you.
21:51You and your petty little ways.
21:53You used to sneak down and straighten a mat outside my front door, didn't you?
21:57I'll tell you something.
21:58I used to move it skew-whiff again.
22:02So, come in.
22:03And do you know why?
22:05Just to get you at it.
22:07Larry, there's something.
22:08Can I speak to you, please?
22:09I never told you what I thought of you before.
22:11Because I needed the flat.
22:13But I'll tell you now.
22:13No, no, Larry, Larry.
22:14You're a greedy, grasping, nasty, fussy, niggling little old woman.
22:20I shall finish my inventory when you've gone.
22:23Do you mind?
22:26I enjoyed that.
22:27I've been dying to do that for years.
22:29Yeah.
22:30Larry.
22:31Hmm?
22:31Sit down a sec.
22:32Yeah?
22:35Er...
22:35Well, there's something I've got to tell you.
22:37Yeah?
22:38You're going to laugh when you hear this.
22:40Yeah.
22:49Wakey, wakey.
22:50Rise and shine.
22:51Hmm?
22:52Tea.
22:53And toast.
22:53I burnt it myself.
22:55Now...
22:56We're not going to make a habit of this.
22:57It's just a little celebration.
22:59Because you're staying.
23:00Oh.
23:01Isn't that nice of you?
23:03Isn't that nice of them?
23:05Right.
23:05Do what?
23:09How much longer are we going to have to put up with this?
23:12Until he finds me a new flip.
23:14How about a cup of tea for me, then, eh?
23:15LAUGHTER
23:16APPLAUSE
23:20Ahhhh!
Comments