- 18 hours ago
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:11Oh, my God.
00:30Oh, my God.
01:00It doesn't really fit me, but I'll take myself in a bit by next Saturday.
01:03So what's the matter with you? You haven't said a word all the way home.
01:06I tried, but you don't draw breath very often.
01:08Babbling on about the stupid staff dance.
01:11Oh, so Peter hasn't asked you?
01:13Peter is going with another girl.
01:15You know that from what?
01:16I know it's an unconfirmed rumour, and that's good enough.
01:19I think I'll get Steve to take me.
01:21Steve's definitely asked another girl.
01:23Who?
01:23Me.
01:25I never really liked that Steve very much anyway.
01:27Do you like this?
01:28Oh, you'll be a sensation.
01:30You're supposed to wear it the other way around.
01:33Chrissy, Chrissy, quick.
01:34Can you take this casserole dish for me?
01:36Go ahead and be careful.
01:36It's very hot.
01:37Ah!
01:38Oh, it's hot.
01:39Yes, I know.
01:40I've been balancing on my moped for the last ten minutes.
01:42What is it?
01:43Oh, it's agony.
01:44Do you know, there were people looking at me wondering where the steam was coming from.
01:48Hot pot?
01:50I haven't had hot pot for years.
01:52And you're not having it tonight.
01:53This is the Fato di Manzo alla Romana.
01:56What's that?
01:57It's Italian for, um, hot pot.
02:01Listen, I know who could take you to the dance.
02:04Ginger.
02:05I'm not going with the office boy.
02:06But he likes you.
02:08He looks up to you.
02:09He can't help it.
02:10He's only four foot six.
02:12Well, that's good.
02:13It means you'll have a clear view while you're dancing with him.
02:15No, thanks.
02:16I'll find my own escort.
02:17Hey, girls, it'll be ready in about five minutes, OK?
02:19OK.
02:22Hmm.
02:23Well, could do worse.
02:28Doing anything on Saturday?
02:29Yeah.
02:30What?
02:31Saturday.
02:31Oh, busy day.
02:33I shall stroll through the park, whistle at a couple of birds,
02:35throw some stones in the lake and possibly chew a bit of grass.
02:38And then till the evening.
02:39Oh, I'll probably just frid him that away.
02:42I might be able to arrange for you to go out with your favourite girl.
02:45You have influence with Goldie Hawn?
02:47Me?
02:48You?
02:49Why?
02:50What do you mean, why?
02:51Oh, come on, Chrissie.
02:52For months I've been asking you.
02:53I'd you all say, no, we mustn't get involved.
02:54We share the same flat.
02:56Now, what's changed?
02:56My mind.
02:58I'll buy that.
02:58Where should we go?
02:59How about my firm's annual staff dance?
03:01I see no reason why.
03:03The tickets are £3.50 each.
03:05I've suddenly thought of a reason.
03:07And since I am asking you, I shall pay for them.
03:10Ah, do you know, there are times when women's lip makes sense.
03:14Will you, um, buy me some chocolate as well?
03:18Might, if you let me get you in a shop doorway afterwards.
03:22Yes, I knew it.
03:24You just want my body, don't you?
03:25Well, I haven't quite decided, but bring it with you just in case.
03:28Right.
03:29Staff dance right.
03:29Actually, you've made a wise decision there, you know.
03:32Trendy, young fellow on your arm.
03:33You'll make all the other girls wild with envy.
03:35Yes, you've made an obvious first choice.
03:37You weren't her first choice.
03:38That was Peter.
03:39You weren't her second choice either, because that was Steve.
03:42Well, third time lucky.
03:43You wouldn't have been a third choice if Ginger had been six inches taller.
03:46If you mind, I've only just talked him into it.
03:48Listen, you're sure old Roper didn't turn you down as well?
03:51Yeah, look, it wasn't like that.
03:53I just didn't want to go with one of the smooth types from work.
03:57You fancied a bit of Ruff.
03:59I understand.
04:00Shall we eat?
04:06Oh, that was absolutely superb.
04:09Golly, you are a fantastic cook.
04:11Listen, you're not going to get round me with understatements.
04:14I said I'd go with you and I will.
04:16That's unless, of course, your first or your second choice changed their mind.
04:19Look, you were my first choice.
04:22It's just that I didn't really think you'd enjoy it.
04:24Ah, stop there.
04:25Why not?
04:26Oh, no, no, no.
04:27I didn't really mean that exactly.
04:28Yes, you did, because there's an element of truth.
04:30Now, come on, Jo, what's this staff do like?
04:32Oh, it's great.
04:33Do you like that kind of thing?
04:34Well, what kind?
04:35That's what I'm trying to find out.
04:36What kind of thing?
04:38Dancing.
04:38You know, I thought the hint of garlic...
04:40Wait a minute, what sort of dancing?
04:42Well, strict tempo, the waltz and all that, you know.
04:45I mean, you can waltz.
04:46What, the slow, slow, quick, slow stuff?
04:49You can't.
04:50Listen, I can move it about with the best of them.
04:53You're not supposed to move it about in strict tempo.
04:55You're supposed to keep it still.
04:57Look, don't worry about things.
04:59I'll teach you.
04:59I'll go and take out some records.
05:02They have a hokey-cokey as well.
05:03That's the one where you put it in and you shake it all about.
05:09Yeah, yeah, that sounds more like it, yeah.
05:11Listen, who's this Peter guy?
05:13Oh, he's the assistant managing dreamboat.
05:16He's tall and good-looking.
05:18Chrissie fancies him.
05:19Tell me this.
05:20Mainly because he's a smashing dancer.
05:22Oh, right, all right, but just tell me this.
05:23Do you think he could cook a meal like that?
05:26Not while he was dancing.
05:27Oh, yes.
05:28We've got absolutely nothing in strict tempo.
05:30I mean, you can't foxtrop to Tony Hancock and the blood donor.
05:33No, no, no.
05:34Well, perhaps the Ropers have got some.
05:36I'll pop down there.
05:37And I tell you what, if the urge for you to wash up comes over you,
05:40don't fight it, all right?
06:00Oh, hello, Mr. Tripp.
06:01Come in.
06:03I'm not interrupting anything, am I?
06:04Oh, no, I'm just in the middle of a little romance.
06:07Well, I'll come back later.
06:08It's all right, dear.
06:10No, it's a book, you see.
06:12Hold Fast My Heart, Rosemary Quilp.
06:15Oh, very nice.
06:16Oh, it's lovely.
06:17It's all about this young Jesuit priest
06:19who looks after all the down and outs, you see.
06:23I mean, all the human flotsam
06:24washed up on the shores of society.
06:27Sounds about a laugh.
06:29Actually, I came down if I could borrow a couple of records.
06:31Records?
06:32Oh, well.
06:33We haven't got any modern stuff, love.
06:35No, that's all right.
06:35Something like, you know, Victor Sylvester.
06:38Yes, that's what I mean.
06:39We haven't got any modern stuff.
06:41I mean, we stopped short at Guy Lombardo
06:44and his Royal Canadians.
06:46Who?
06:47Oh, look, now, this is more your generation.
06:50Dennis Lotus and Lita Rosa.
06:53Yeah, yeah, that'll be fine.
06:55You see, I just want to learn
06:56a couple of proper dance steps before Saturday.
06:58Oh, well, this is the one you want, dear.
07:00Oh, move the coffee table, will you, please?
07:02Yeah, OK.
07:02Yeah, right.
07:05We'll need a bit of room.
07:07Oh, well, actually, I'll...
07:16Three, one, come here, come on.
07:20That's it.
07:21Now, right, left foot forward.
07:24Which left foot?
07:25I've got two, you see.
07:26Well, look, just do what I do, all right?
07:29Now, one, two, three, one.
07:34No, no, love, no.
07:37You're doing the woman steps.
07:38You should be coming forward.
07:40Come here, left.
07:41Now, right, now, left hand here.
07:44That's it.
07:45Right hand in the small of my back.
07:48Oh!
07:50Uh, Mr. Roper's out, is he?
07:53Yeah, British Legion.
07:55Right, now.
07:58Left, forward.
08:02You're as stiff as a poker, love.
08:08I've still got my mind on what's coming next.
08:12All right, now.
08:14Forward, side, together.
08:17Forward, side, together.
08:18Oh, what a game, eh?
08:2039 to get with three darts.
08:22First one straight into the treble 11, right?
08:24Very tricky.
08:25That means I've got to get four double ones.
08:27You'll never do it.
08:28They said you'll never do it.
08:29Guess what happened?
08:30You didn't do it.
08:31Yeah.
08:32Oh, yeah, I did it.
08:33I've shown...
08:33What's this?
08:36Uh, it's the waltz, you see.
08:39Miss...
08:39Sorry.
08:40Mrs. Roper's just showing me how to do it.
08:42Oh, yeah?
08:43Oh, I used to like the tango, meself.
08:45Oh, yeah?
08:45Oh, yeah.
08:46The lights see them every Saturday night.
08:49I caught Edmund O' Ross watching me once, you know.
08:51Yeah.
08:51I'm not surprised.
08:52He was playing the samba at the time.
08:55LAUGHTER
08:56I'll tell you what, they used to clear the floor when I did the tango.
08:59Yes, well, I mean, they had to.
09:01Proper little dodgem car you were.
09:03There we are.
09:06George, you remember this one?
09:09Come on, George.
09:10You pretend to be the man.
09:12LAUGHTER
09:13Don't be saying it.
09:17LAUGHTER
09:18LAUGHTER
09:21Um...
09:22I'm your car, then, all right?
09:23You're leading, Mildred.
09:26I said cheerio.
09:29LAUGHTER
09:33LAUGHTER
09:39You've still got it, you little jabble.
09:43LAUGHTER
09:45LAUGHTER
09:45LAUGHTER
09:47LAUGHTER
09:48LAUGHTER
09:48LAUGHTER
09:48Slow, slow, quick, quick.
09:53LAUGHTER
09:55LAUGHTER
09:56You're coming along really nicely.
09:58You know, it'd be much easier if I had one black foot and one white one.
10:01LAUGHTER
10:03I'm glad to see you're keeping at it.
10:05I'll tell you what, it half gives you a shoulder like, this dance.
10:07Yeah, well, you should learn how to do a reverse turn, then.
10:09You wouldn't keep it in the walls.
10:10Listen, I've just worked it out.
10:12You need three feet to do a reverse turn.
10:15What about the poor girl? We have to do it backwards.
10:17Oh, that's nice. Peter's favourite colour.
10:20Peter? Who's Peter?
10:22Peter was your first choice.
10:23You know, the one that's turned you down,
10:24has taken another girl to the dance.
10:26Actually, you know, I prefer you in green.
10:28Well, hard luck.
10:29Oh, don't take it out on Robin. He's been practising really hard all day.
10:33I've never heard such foul language.
10:35Oh, sorry.
10:36How's it going?
10:37Not bad. I can quick-step to anything.
10:39Tell you what, Jo, put on a record. Any old record, right?
10:42Shall we give it a go?
10:43All right.
10:43All right, then.
10:45All right, Jo, off we go.
10:51Slow, two, three.
10:53Quick, two, three.
10:55How am I doing? Two, three.
10:56Very well. You picked it up very well.
10:58Take your hand off my bottom.
10:59Oh, sorry.
11:02Honestly, I really appreciate you going to all this trouble just for me.
11:04Yeah.
11:04No, really, it's nice.
11:06And I'll be very proud to be with you on Saturday.
11:08Especially if you have a haircut.
11:10What?
11:11Well, you only have to have a little trim.
11:13You can grease the rest down with hair cream.
11:14Hey, Chrissie, I'm going as me, not Dennis Compton.
11:17Hello, everyone.
11:19I just popped up to do you a favour, son.
11:21Yeah?
11:22Yeah, you know that dance you're going to?
11:23Well, you'll need a proper dinner jacket, won't you?
11:25What?
11:26Yeah, well, you see, I'm quite willing to sell you my old one
11:29at a very reasonable price.
11:30No, Miss Rowan, you've got it all wrong.
11:32You see, it's not a black tie do and all that nonsense, is it, Chrissie?
11:35Well, I was actually going to tell you about that, Robin.
11:38Oh, no way.
11:39Fine, Samuel.
11:40Sorry, but...
11:42But...
12:23I mean, I mean, come on.
12:26I mean, I'm not going to go anywhere in this, am I?
12:27Oi, don't be hasty, son.
12:29That cost me nine quid at the 50-chillion tailors, that didn't I?
12:32Look, there's a stain on there.
12:34There's a football button on there.
12:36All you have to do is fold your arm over like that.
12:39Yeah, but you've got motholes over there.
12:40Keep that arm straight down and no one will notice.
12:42Yeah, what do you think? Go on, tell him how he looks.
12:46How that looks, um, how would you describe it, Joe?
12:49Yeah, I'll tell you what, you can have the whole thing for four quid,
12:52including the celluloid dickie.
12:54Joe, you're not trying to sell him that thing.
12:56I've thrown it out twice.
12:58Well, he looks very good, innit?
12:59He looks ridiculous. Take it off, Mr Tripp.
13:02Thank you very much, Mrs Roper.
13:03Oh, just come up to return your book, dear.
13:06Ooh, I did enjoy it.
13:07I haven't cried so much for years.
13:09I never got beyond the first chapter.
13:11As soon as I saw a row of asterisks, I went right off it.
13:14Oh, well, that wouldn't worry you, dear,
13:15if you had an imagination like mine.
13:17What's it about?
13:18Oh, it's about this young Jesuit priest
13:19who wrestles with himself and finally wins.
13:23How could he lose?
13:24Well, you know, this girl, he gives her up
13:27because of his love for all men.
13:29Yes, I know the tithe.
13:31No, I'll tell you what.
13:32I might come down to three quid.
13:34I might even come down to two quid.
13:35You'll come down to the bin and throw it out.
13:37Oh, come on.
13:38If I don't see you before Saturdays, dear, enjoy yourself.
13:42Hey, how about ten ball?
13:44Right, that's it.
13:45No penguin suit.
13:46Can't go.
13:47Right?
13:47Wrong.
13:52What time's Steve picking us up?
13:53Any minute.
13:54Listen, are you wearing your gold earrings tonight?
13:56No.
13:56Oh, good.
13:57Because I've got them on.
13:58Oh.
14:00Oh.
14:01Who's a pretty boy, then?
14:03Don't you start.
14:04Listen, if anybody throws a fish to me, I'm leaving.
14:07You look very smart.
14:09I feel like a licorice all-sort.
14:11But everyone's going to know it's hired.
14:13No, they won't.
14:13Not if you wear it with a casual elegance,
14:15as though you're used to it,
14:16and take the moss-cross ticket off your sleeve.
14:20Listen, everybody will know that it's hard,
14:21because I'm going to tell them.
14:23I don't look a thing I go looking around like this all the time.
14:26You look really smart.
14:27Your bow tie right down to your plimpsals.
14:30Plimpsals?
14:30I'm going to change them.
14:33I can see a face in these things.
14:35Well, don't look down, then.
14:36You didn't get a haircut, did you?
14:38I'll wrench a couple of handfuls out on the way, all right?
14:41Listen, you two don't have to argue.
14:43You're not married.
14:44Your bow tie isn't straight.
14:47Looks all right on me.
14:49Be quiet.
14:49I'm listening up for Steve.
14:53Oh, that's all we need.
14:54He's picking us up in an ice cream van.
14:58That's not him.
14:59Oh, what a shame.
15:01You know, we could have had a nice lolly on the way.
15:03Right.
15:04All right now?
15:05Yeah.
15:05Fine.
15:06You look fine.
15:07Actually, no, to tell you the truth,
15:09this outfit sort of gives you a,
15:11well, sort of sophisticated feeling, you know?
15:13Like, er,
15:14going down to Glyndebourne for the double skulls,
15:17potting a couple of pheasants in the interval.
15:19No, you'll enjoy yourself.
15:20Yeah?
15:21He's here.
15:22Oh, now look,
15:24don't have too much to drink,
15:25don't use any bad language,
15:27don't tell any of your awful jokes.
15:29Just enjoy yourself.
15:32Shelton.
15:34There you go.
15:35There you go.
15:36There you go.
15:45There you go.
15:48Hey.
16:06Actually, you're not supposed to do that until we collect it.
16:11Excuse me.
16:12You will remember that, you know, when we come back to collect our coats that I have actually
16:17put some money in the, uh, perhaps I should take it back now.
16:21Or on the other hand, uh, probably not, I shall, uh, I'll leave it there.
16:26Good.
16:31Oh, hell, they've put us on separate tables.
16:33Oh, well, these things happen, nothing to get upset about.
16:35I'm not, but you're stuck with Marjorie and Denise.
16:37Oh, hell.
16:38And I'll tell you something else.
16:40Hello, Chrissie.
16:43Hello.
16:45Hey, listen, we're on the same table as Marjorie and Denise.
16:47So, what's the matter with them?
16:49So, for one thing, they're the firm's jungle drums.
16:52Anything you say will be taken down and used in the powder room.
16:54Oh, let's give them something to gossip about, eh?
16:57No, you see, they're both with their boyfriends.
16:59One's an architect, the other one's a chartered accountant.
17:01So?
17:02So don't let on you're only a cookery student.
17:04OK.
17:15Hello.
17:16Uh, Robin, this is Marjorie and Denise.
17:19Hello.
17:20Hello.
17:20Nigel.
17:22Nigel, you must be the architect.
17:24Stuart.
17:24Are chartered accounted by the look of you.
17:27Heh-he-heh.
17:30Heh-heh.
17:32Heh-heh.
17:36Heh-heh.
17:39Heh-heh.
17:40Heh-heh.
17:40Well, well, well.
17:41This is gonna be fun.
17:42Heh-heh.
17:43Yes.
17:44I do like your dress, Chrissie.
17:47It's such a saving if you're handy with a sewing machine.
17:50Oh, it is. Yours is nice. They had one just like it in a local shop window.
17:55Oh? For months.
18:00We were just discussing tennis. Do you play at all?
18:03No, well, I don't get too much time in my line of business, do I, Chrissie?
18:07Robin, perhaps you'd like to get us a drink?
18:08Oh, please, have some of ours.
18:12Perhaps you prefer squash?
18:14No, no, that'll be fine. Oh, I'm sorry.
18:17Sorry. No, no, let's not buy a cup of tea.
18:19As I said before, I don't get a lot of time in my line of business, do I, Chrissie?
18:24Yes, sir. What is your line of business, eh?
18:27Thank you very much. Oh, nothing special. I'm a Jesuit priest.
18:35See, I do most of my work amongst the down-and-outs,
18:37the human flotsam cast on the shores of society.
18:42How fascinating. Shouldn't you be wearing a...
18:44Doc Collard? No, you're thinking of the Dominicans.
18:46Oh, yes, of course.
18:47You see, I feel it's our duty for all of us to give up the pleasures of the flesh,
18:52squash and tennis,
18:54and, um...
18:55to give a little more to those who are less fortunate than ourselves.
18:59Oh, yes, indeed.
19:00Yes, I do what I can for the poor wretches, you know.
19:03But there is a desperate need
19:05for chartered accountants and architects.
19:10Shall we dance, eh?
19:11I'd love it, Ernie.
19:13You will excuse us?
19:14Yes, of course, of course, of course.
19:19Murder, you?
19:20Don't you dare tell anyone else you're a Jesuit priest.
19:22Hello, Chrissie. I wonder if you'd like to...
19:24Hello, Peter. This is Robin.
19:25Bless you, my son.
19:27Yes.
19:28How can you do?
19:29You're not with our firm, are you?
19:31No, no, no. I'm a brain surgeon.
19:33Oh, yeah.
19:34And I do a lot of my work with the down-and-outs...
19:36I'd love to dance.
19:36...the human flotsam cast on the shores of humans...
19:43Are you sure your girlfriend won't mind us dancing?
19:45I knew you thought that.
19:47She's not my girlfriend.
19:48She's my sister.
19:50Oh, yes.
19:50She's staying with me for a fortnight.
19:52I had to bring her with me.
19:53Oh.
19:55Now, that's better, isn't it?
19:57Are you sure your boyfriend won't mind?
19:59Oh, it makes no difference to him.
20:01He's a Jesuit priest.
20:22Are you all on your own?
20:23Yeah.
20:24Listen, you don't want to...
20:25I would, but you're such a rotten dancer.
20:28Well, at least you're honest.
20:29I hate that in a woman.
20:30Well, you can't turn.
20:31We plough straight through the bath.
20:33Well, somebody should.
20:36Sorry to monopolise her.
20:37That's quite all right.
20:41Listen, you will save me one dance, won't you?
20:43Even if it's only God save the Queen.
20:44I'm sorry.
20:45I didn't mean to leave you sitting on your own.
20:47I wasn't.
20:47I was talking to this big fat lady in the pink...
20:52You must be very proud of him.
20:55So young to be a member of Parliament.
20:57Yes.
20:58And all that work among the down and outs.
21:02That's it.
21:03I'm going to dance with Keita again.
21:04I warn you, I shall raise a question in the house.
21:06As I was saying, this is my kid sister, Maddie.
21:09This is Robert.
21:10Robin.
21:10Yes.
21:11Shall we...
21:12Why not?
21:16Looks as if I've been dumped on you.
21:18That's all right.
21:23Do you dance?
21:24Not this stuff.
21:26I can move it about with the best of them, but not this.
21:29Would you like a drink, Maddie?
21:31Yes, please.
21:33This is not your scene, then?
21:36I feel like a fish out of water.
21:38Meet a penguin.
21:40Hello, penguin.
21:42You're not with the sperm, are you?
21:44No, no.
21:44I'm a...
21:45Well, don't let's go into that.
21:47What about you?
21:48Oh, nothing much.
21:49I'm still a student.
21:50Reading Polytechnic.
21:51What subject?
21:52Domestic science.
21:53You know, cookery.
21:55That's fantastic.
21:56I'm a cookery student.
21:57No.
21:58Yeah, my third year.
21:59Well, you're ahead of me.
22:01Look, I'll tell you what.
22:02Why don't we, uh...
22:03Why don't we split from here?
22:05Come back to my place and I could, um...
22:08show you a couple of my recipes.
22:09No, I'm ahead of you.
22:11Let me finish my wine first.
22:12Okay, great.
22:13You're not dancing, then, Father?
22:16Uh, no.
22:17You're his father.
22:18Didn't he tell you?
22:19He's a Jesuit priest.
22:20This is a slightest.
22:22How are you getting on with our brain surgeon?
22:24Brain surgeon?
22:25No, I can explain.
22:26Tell me, how long have you been a Member of Parliament?
22:29No, you see, this is all a mistake.
22:31I think it was.
22:32You're some sort of a compulsive liar.
22:34He tried to convince me he was a cookery student.
22:36But I am.
22:37I can't stand men who have to lie to get a girl's interest.
22:41But I am a cookery student.
22:43How do you fit it in with your parliamentary duties?
22:47Look, you've got it all wrong, you see.
22:48I was hired from an escort agency, rent a bloke.
22:5150p an hour, her time's up.
22:52Good night.
22:59Morning.
23:00You left early.
23:01I had to.
23:02There's a pumpkin picking me up at midnight.
23:05What time did you two get in, then?
23:07Well, I've got back about one.
23:09Chrissie's not in yet.
23:11I see.
23:14No, you don't.
23:16You've got a nasty, suspicious mind,
23:19and you shouldn't think things like that about Chrissie.
23:21Listen, all I said was,
23:22it's I see.
23:23Yes, but it's a way that you said it.
23:26What happened to you last night?
23:28What happened to me?
23:29Oh, listen, what happened to you?
23:32Now, I withdrawed that question.
23:34I mean, you know,
23:34if you want to spend the whole night with this Peter,
23:37it's entirely up to you.
23:39As a matter of fact, I did.
23:40I see.
23:41No, you don't.
23:42I spent the night in outpatients.
23:45You what?
23:47He wrenched it as he was shaking it all about in the hocus-pocus.
23:52His ankle.
23:53His ankle.
23:56His ankle.
23:58APPLAUSE
Comments