- 2 days ago
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FunTranscript
00:00.
00:39Oh, my God.
01:27Oh, dear.
01:28I've never had weather like this before we joined the common market.
01:31All the curls gone out of my eyelashes.
01:33I know.
01:33My French loaf's gone limp.
01:35You know, I hate the tube in the rush hour.
01:38All those grubby little men pressing up against you.
01:41Oh, you lucky devil.
01:42I couldn't get near one.
01:47Oh, who's turn is it to cook dinner?
01:50Mine.
01:51Oh, let's eat it out.
01:52You can't afford it.
01:54How do you fancy tender, lean beef, chopped and blended with herbs and spices in a rich, tasty gravy?
02:03Ooh, what's that?
02:03That muck we had last week.
02:06Not bad.
02:08Hey, why have you put a ring round today's date?
02:10I didn't.
02:11You did.
02:11Oh, why have I put a ring round today's date?
02:14I don't know.
02:15Perhaps it's because Robin's moving in.
02:16No, I wouldn't have put a ring round.
02:18Oh, you see?
02:19Yes.
02:39You can hand me those bags, please.
02:41Sure.
02:53All right, uh, how about it, 48p?
02:55Yeah.
02:58Oh, there's 50p there.
02:59Listen, I'm sorry about that jar of priggle I was smashed in there, you know.
03:04Don't touch the smell of this thing or go, you know.
03:08Sorry.
03:09Sorry about that.
03:10No, no, no.
03:11No, you keep checking.
03:13No, you keep checking.
03:25Connect positive wire to Terminal A.
03:30Terminal A.
03:43Hey!
03:46Hey!
03:51God, don't like it.
03:53Stroof!
03:54Uh, good evening.
03:55Uh, I did ring.
03:56Oh, yeah?
03:57Don't you know what knockers are for?
04:01Um...
04:02Oh, yes.
04:03Mr. Regal.
04:04Hey?
04:05Oh, yeah.
04:06Hey, wait a minute.
04:07I know who you are.
04:08You're, um, you're, uh, what's his name?
04:10Yes, you're moving in with, uh, Doodal and, um, and, um...
04:14Thingy?
04:14Uh, Thingy, yeah.
04:16Oh!
04:17Oh, my play, dear.
04:20Oh.
04:20Hello.
04:21Hello.
04:22You're moving in with all your little bits and pieces, are you?
04:24Yeah.
04:25Yeah.
04:26I must say, I'm glad to be getting out of that YMCA.
04:28Oh, yes.
04:29It's nothing but men, isn't it?
04:30All around you.
04:32Yeah, I can imagine what it must be like.
04:34In fact, I often have.
04:37Anyway, we're not having that thing all hours of the night, are we?
04:39No, no, I don't actually play it.
04:40You know, I just board it to take along to parties.
04:43Listen, I'll be back down in a minute for the rest of the stuff.
04:45Is it all right, love?
04:46Mr. Roper will hump it up for you.
04:48Eh?
04:49Thank you very much.
04:50Not at all.
04:52Oh.
04:53Well, I'm off to the mucky duck.
04:56I don't suppose you're coming.
04:57Now, look here.
04:58No, I thought not.
05:00Last time we went out together, it was to empty the pedal bin.
05:07Welcome, welcome.
05:09Did you swim?
05:10Oh, very good.
05:11Listen, I'm sorry I'm a bit late, but I had to pick up dozens of pickle onions from the back
05:15of a taxi cab.
05:16Ah, yes, I thought that'd be it.
05:18Um, Jo, it's Robin.
05:21Hey, have you got your share of next month's rent?
05:23Yeah, what?
05:23We need it to pay last month's rent.
05:25Oh, give it a chance and then it just arrived.
05:28Hey, matching set of luggage.
05:30Well, here I am, ready to move in.
05:33Hey, listen, you two girls, you know, you haven't changed your mind, eh?
05:36Certainly not.
05:36Put it there.
05:37Right.
05:38Not your hand, the rent.
05:41Oh, no.
05:43Oi.
05:44Here, I'm not a removal man, you know, Skippy.
05:46I'm the landlord.
05:47I'm not here to fetch and carry for the likes of you.
05:50There you go.
05:56I didn't know whether to give him 5p or 10p.
05:58I've given him 50p.
06:02Stop your stuff in Eleanor's room.
06:03Well, your room now.
06:05Right.
06:05Would you like some coffee?
06:06Oh, yes, please.
06:06I must say, I'm looking forward to having a room of my own here.
06:12Oh, yes.
06:13I say, it's a bit smaller than I last remembered.
06:16You know, I doubt whether I'll be able to stretch my bulwark to its full extent.
06:19Oh, well, you'll just have to do your best, won't you?
06:22Now, you know where everything is?
06:24Yeah.
06:24Lounge, kitchen, bathroom and out of bounds.
06:27What?
06:27Our bedroom.
06:28That's the one with the bunged up keyhole.
06:29We lock the door at night, anyway.
06:31Now, Chrissie, you know, I'm surprised at you.
06:33I mean, I've given you my word.
06:34And I think, under the circumstances, you should show a little bit more trust.
06:37Of course, I won't come near your bedroom.
06:39Oh, sorry.
06:40There's no point if you bunk up the keyhole and the door's locked, isn't it?
06:43Right.
06:44Just hang these up here.
06:46Oh.
06:47Ah, yes.
06:49You read a lot, don't you?
06:51Eh?
06:52Read a lot.
06:53Indian cooking, French cuisine, continental cookery.
06:58Naked be my nympho.
07:00Er, yes.
07:01That one shouldn't be in there.
07:02Why, which bag do you keep your dirty books in?
07:04Very good.
07:05Er, that one.
07:06Oh.
07:09Excuse me.
07:10OK.
07:12Right.
07:16Hello?
07:17I've been crushed to death in the crowd.
07:19I'm soaking wet and I haven't bought half my shopping.
07:21I don't know how you can bear to live in London.
07:22Is that Chrissie?
07:23Mother!
07:24Oh, I meant to be there earlier, only I got trapped inside a panty girdle, says 34.
07:28What?
07:29You know what an optimist I am.
07:31Anyway, I shall be with you in about a quarter of an hour.
07:33Pop the kettle on.
07:34Bye.
07:34Mother!
07:35Hello!
07:35Hey, you know that ring on the calendar?
07:38I've remembered.
07:39Your mother?
07:40Twice a year she comes up to town to raid Debenham and Freebody and make sure I haven't married
07:43a black man.
07:44What?
07:46She worries about you.
07:47She'll worry even more when she sees him.
08:04Two girls living in a flat with a fella.
08:07I know what my mother would think.
08:08They're doing it all over the place.
08:10That's what she thinks.
08:12Well, can't you tell her the same thing as you told the landlord?
08:15Say he's a pup.
08:16Well, to her, that's something you put your feet on.
08:20You know, if he'd just go out for a couple of hours, I wouldn't have to bother explaining.
08:24Ah, don't smell coffee?
08:25Ah, great.
08:27Do you know, you know, I'm really, I'm really settling very nicely.
08:31Why don't you go out to the British Museum?
08:33What?
08:34Come on, don't you see, I've just arrived.
08:35The British Museum's closed and it's pouring with rain.
08:37That's a defeatist attitude.
08:39Now you're in London, you should soak up your cultural heritage.
08:42Theaters, cinemas, art galleries, classical concerts.
08:45Yeah, but Tom and Jerry's on.
08:46Oh, you're black and white.
08:48Life is out there in colour.
08:49Is she trying to get rid of me?
08:50Oh, you noticed.
08:51Listen, I'll take him down the mucky dark for a couple of hours.
08:54You'll like it.
08:55The beer's flat, but the barmaid isn't.
08:57Oh, all right.
08:59Listen, Chrissie, is it my personal freshness?
09:02Is that what it is?
09:03Are you sure?
09:04Oh, come on, I'll explain.
09:06Come on, don't you?
09:07Oh, come on.
09:12Was it something I said?
09:14Or something I didn't say?
09:15Or something I should have said?
09:16No.
09:16Oi, there's still some more your stuff down here.
09:18Oh, oh, that's all right, you know.
09:20Don't hurry.
09:20You know, when you're not so busy, that'll be fine.
09:33It's just that it would save a lot of explanation, that's all.
09:36She doesn't come often.
09:37Yeah, I understand.
09:38I mean, my own mother doesn't trust me,
09:39so I don't see why anyone else's should.
09:40Right, in you go.
09:45Oh, hello, love.
09:46It's still raining.
09:47Oh, God.
09:48Oh, hello.
09:50Hello.
09:51Uh, hello.
09:52Could I have a pint of a bit of tomato juice and, uh, what'll you have?
09:57It's the right one, the bright one, the most beautiful drink in the world.
10:04Uh, yeah, and one of them, please.
10:07Uh, talking of one of them, you aren't, are you?
10:13Sorry?
10:14Oh, I see what you're...
10:15No, no, no, no, no.
10:15That was just sort of, you know, Chris's little joke.
10:17Oh, I thought so.
10:20No, I'm as normal as Mr. Roper.
10:22Oh, don't spoil it now.
10:24Oh, you needn't worry.
10:26There's nothing going on in our flat.
10:27Well, there's not a lot going on in ours, dear, and we're married.
10:30Thank you very much.
10:31There we are.
10:32Oh, thank you.
10:32Cheers, then.
10:33Cheers, cheers.
10:34There you are.
10:34Actually, you know, I think they're more interested in my cooking
10:37rather than my, uh, my sex.
10:40Yes, he's studying it at Technical College.
10:43They have classes, isn't it?
10:45Cooking.
10:46Oh.
10:46Oh.
10:47Yes.
10:49Oh, the traffic.
10:52Oh, and I don't like these London taxis.
10:54They all smell a pickle, don't you?
10:55Oh.
10:57Hello.
10:58Hello, dear.
10:59Oh, you've had the carpet cleaned.
11:01No, it's just the walls have got dirtier.
11:04How's everything at home?
11:05How's Dad?
11:06Oh.
11:07He's been had up for worrying sheep.
11:09He's what?
11:10Well, not him so much as his dog.
11:12Oh, he's a vicious old thing.
11:14Should be put down.
11:15Oh, come on.
11:16You married him for better or worse.
11:18Joke.
11:18Oh, by the way, he'll send you this.
11:24Oh.
11:25Oh.
11:27Oh.
11:28Yes.
11:29What am I supposed to do with it?
11:31I don't know, dear.
11:33He's convinced you can't get them in London.
11:35Well, you know how he worries about you.
11:38What we both do, you being up here.
11:40It's not that bad.
11:41I haven't been mugged for days.
11:42No, dear, it's the temptations.
11:45I mean, you read these wild stories about pop stars and footballers taking all their clothes off.
11:50You don't want to believe everything in the parish magazine.
11:52Oh, you.
11:54Oh, Mum, I wouldn't know an orgy if I fell over one.
11:56They might be at it like knives all over South Kemper.
11:58They haven't made it compulsory yet.
12:00No, dear.
12:02Well, how are those nice girls you share with?
12:04Joe and, um, Eleanor, isn't it?
12:07Um, Joe's fine.
12:09Eleanor left to get married.
12:10Oh, really?
12:11Oh.
12:12Have you got another girl for a room?
12:14Um, no, we haven't got another girl, no.
12:17Then you've got a spare bed.
12:18How marvellous.
12:19What?
12:19Well, I've nowhere near finished my shopping.
12:21You can put me up for the night.
12:22Oh, my God.
13:00Well, I have enjoyed chatting to you, dear.
13:03I think you're going to fit into our little household quite nicely.
13:08Are you sure I can't tempt you?
13:11Not to a drink, no.
13:13You see, I've got to get home and make cocoa for Omar Sharif.
13:18Bye-bye.
13:18Bye-bye, love.
13:19Oh, good night.
13:20Look, if your mother's staying, where's he going to spend the night?
13:24Well, in the laundrette or the railway station.
13:27Look, there's an all-night showing of war and peace at the Osoldo.
13:30Oh, boy.
13:31Well, you can come down here and tell him, because I'm not going to.
13:34I thought we were friends.
13:35This is a recording device.
13:37I'm afraid you have the wrong number.
13:39Oh, Chrissie.
13:41Eleanor seems to have left her football boots behind.
13:43Oh, yeah, they were her boyfriends.
13:45They used to play inside out for Barnet or someone.
13:49Mum, won't Dad be expecting you back tonight?
13:52Oh, he won't even notice.
13:53I'm gone until he runs out of clean underpants.
13:56Oh, you know, I think I'll have an early night.
13:58Yeah, I think I'll just pop out for a minute.
14:00What, now?
14:01Um, yeah, we need some, er, carrots.
14:04Oh, are you going to get carrots at this time of night?
14:06There's a machine on the corner.
14:16Oh, a bit of craftsmanship, then.
14:19What?
14:19Oh, the bell.
14:20Tricky little repair job, then.
14:22Oh, by the way, when you see that young fella,
14:24tell him to take the rest of his gear up himself.
14:25OK.
14:26Because I've got more important jobs to do.
14:27Right.
14:28Ah.
14:31Oh!
14:33Oh, ha, ha, ha, got me key.
14:36Here, love, it's bucketing down there.
14:37You'll need this.
14:38Oh, tough.
14:38There you are.
14:40What?
14:41Five hours I've spent on Nick.
14:43Ah, never mind, George.
14:46Here, I'll tell you what.
14:48Why don't I run myself a nice bath?
14:51Then you can come and scrub my back.
14:54Eh?
14:55I'll use the horse chestnut bath salts.
14:59Oh, yeah.
15:00Well, I like to, of course.
15:03I promise I'll take this lot upstairs.
15:07Don't wait up for me.
15:11War and Peace, all night showing at the Isolde.
15:14No, no, no, you can't, Tim.
15:16Look, it's the 1932 version in the original Russian.
15:19That is not a plus.
15:21No, I'm sorry, I'm going back to the flat.
15:22But my mother's in the spare bed.
15:24It's not the spare bed, it's my bed.
15:28It's my bed.
15:29You should have told your mother about Robin in the first place.
15:32I know, but I can't tell her now, can I?
15:34I shall go back to the flat, get undressed, get into my bed, and if there is anyone else
15:39in it, that is their problem.
15:42No trouble at all.
15:44I was making it anyway.
15:45Oh, it's very kind.
15:46My wife usually makes me cocoa, but she's in a funny mood tonight.
15:52Chris has told me about you, Mr Roper.
15:54You're the caretaker, aren't you?
15:56Well, I wouldn't say caretaker.
15:58I'm more of a sort of landlord.
16:01But don't the church commissioners own the property?
16:03Ah, yes.
16:04But they've appointed me as a sort of landlord.
16:07Oh.
16:08Or caretaker.
16:11So you stay in the night, then?
16:13Yes, I'm sleeping in the little room.
16:15Oh.
16:21Right, there you go.
16:24Oh, come on, Chrissie, you're not still sulking, are you?
16:27Look, I'll tell you what I'll do.
16:28To get you off the hook, I won't come back to the flat tonight.
16:33No, no, I'll just, you know, walk around the wet streets.
16:37It may not be raining all night, you know.
16:39I can always huddle in a shop entrance covered in newspapers.
16:43You know, if the wind blows up, I can always shelter in the dustbin.
16:46You've no intention of doing any such thing.
16:48Not for a moment.
16:50Hey, I've just had a thought.
16:51I want my own bed.
16:52He can stay in our room.
16:54On the other hand, you know, I mustn't be unreasonable.
16:56Look, sneak him in, your mother wouldn't even know he was there.
17:00Him?
17:00In the same room as two incredibly sexy girls.
17:03Now, come on, come on, I'd be on my best behavior.
17:05Now, listen.
17:06Is the, is the bed big enough for three?
17:08He thinks it's his birthday.
17:11There are two single beds and you won't be sleeping in either of them.
17:15You'll be sellotaped to the armchair.
17:18I see.
17:18Well, you know, anything's better than four and a half hours of war and peace.
17:21Come on, sir.
17:28Come on.
17:30She's in bed.
17:31Come on.
17:31Listen, are you sure she's asleep?
17:33Oh, shh.
17:34It's the emotional tension.
17:36You know, four pints are dropped.
17:37Oh, sorry.
17:38Stop your hunky in your mouth.
17:40Just blow my nose in it.
17:41Oh, shh.
17:42Take him through.
18:01What a time to get hiccups.
18:03I'm sorry, listen.
18:03Come on, it wasn't the drink.
18:05Actually, yeah, I think I've got them under control now.
18:08Yes, you see, all it is, it's a matter controlling the diaphragm.
18:13You see, like so.
18:14See?
18:15Oh, sorry.
18:16Where do I sit?
18:17There.
18:19Oh, great.
18:19Fine.
18:20Listen, where do I take my clothes off and hang them?
18:22You're not getting undressed.
18:24Oh, I thought I wouldn't be.
18:25Right.
18:37Right.
18:38Off you go.
18:42What?
18:43Well, because you two, you know, you don't sleep with your clothes on.
18:47Well, you needn't think you're going to sit there while we show you everything we've got.
18:50What is the alternative?
18:52This.
18:53Chrissy, that's not going to cover very much.
18:54It'll cover your eyes.
18:56Oh, Chrissy, come out a bit mean.
18:57Oh, oh, shh.
19:14Your hiccups have gone, then.
19:16Yeah.
19:16I'm too busy using my imagination to hiccough.
19:19Blanket.
19:20Oh, thank you.
19:24Right, you can take it off now.
19:26Are you sure?
19:27You know, I mean, I don't want to catch a glimpse of anything you might not want me to.
19:29Oh, no, we're safely in bed.
19:31I'm just winding the clock.
19:32Oh, good.
19:33Actually, no joke.
19:34That clock is a little bit fast.
19:35It's just coming up to, uh, quarter to 11.
19:40Oh, no, I'm just going to...
19:43Hey, you can see through that.
19:45You will never know.
19:47I must say, you know, that's a very, very fascinating place where you've got that, Mel.
19:54Who?
19:56Um...
19:58You.
19:58Ron.
20:00Actually, I think I'd better warn you, you know, I have been known to sleepwalk.
20:04Yes, and I'd better warn you, I have been known to hit sleepwalkers over the head with a clock.
20:09We know where we stand.
20:10Yes.
20:10Bye.
20:10Oh, he never gives up, does he?
20:12Look, come on, I'm not desperate.
20:14I mean, there are other things in life, higher things, more... more... more meaningful things.
20:19Football!
20:20I shall sit there tonight and dream I've just scored at Wembley.
20:22Yeah, you might as well, because you're not going to score here.
20:28What's that?
20:30Oh, it's the window in the lounge.
20:32You forgot to close it.
20:33Yeah, I had other things on my mind.
20:34I'll do it now.
20:37No, I won't.
20:38You do it.
20:38Say, please.
20:40Shove off.
20:41That's near enough.
20:46Make yourself beautiful for me.
20:48I shall return.
20:51Be quiet!
20:57Bumptious, conceited, male chauvinist pig.
21:00He's nice, though.
21:02Yeah.
21:13You see?
21:41Hello?
21:43Hello?
21:44Hello?
21:45Chrissie! Chrissie!
21:47There's somebody else there.
21:50I can't hear anything, can you?
21:52Yes.
21:58Come on in.
22:00Poor McRainer!
22:01Oh, good evening.
22:03This is my mother.
22:06How do you do?
22:08I was just passing by the...
22:12I was just passing by the balcony and thought I'd knock on the window to see if the two girls
22:19wanted to come and see an all-night showing of War and Peace at the Isolde for four and a
22:24half hours.
22:25But I can see that they're dressed, you know.
22:27So I'll go off by myself and see four and a half hours' worth of War and Peace by myself.
22:32May I borrow this umbrella?
22:34Thank you very much.
22:36Sorry about this. Bye-bye.
22:40I've forgotten his shoes on.
22:42That's Robin for you.
22:44Robin?
22:45Isn't he the young man that shares the flat with you?
22:48What?
22:49Oh, Mr Roper told me about him.
22:51I thought he must be away since he let me have his room.
22:53You don't mind?
22:54Oh, no, dear.
22:56People are doing it all over the place.
22:58I shan't worry about you now you've got a man about the house.
23:01Oh, yes!
23:08Y1 Oli!
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