- 18 hours ago
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00:11Oh, my God.
00:41Oh, my God.
00:49Oh, my God.
00:59Morning, Chrissie. Morning.
01:02Hey, Chrissie, you're up and you're dressed.
01:06Hell, I thought it was Saturday.
01:08You could have given us a shot, couldn't you?
01:10I'm going to be so late, I could have sworn it was Saturday.
01:12It is Saturday.
01:13If you could just go into my bedroom, get my shoes, get a tie or something.
01:16I'm like, look at my tie.
01:18You what?
01:19Robin, it is Saturday.
01:21What are you up to early for?
01:23Well, it's the only way I can get in the bathroom before he hogs it.
01:26Yes, I know what you mean.
01:27I mean, how can he be in there for three quarters of an hour and still come out with a
01:30stiff flannel?
01:31Well, he's probably a soapy handman, isn't he?
01:35Very likely.
01:36But, I mean, I know he splashes about a lot.
01:37He leaves a ring round the walls.
01:40Look, I know you don't like Larry, but he is a friend of mine.
01:44He's eaten all your breakfast.
01:45There's no bacon left.
01:46I've gone off him.
01:48There's no milk either.
01:49He's had that.
01:50Oi, wake up.
01:51Oi, oi.
01:53Her husband's coming.
01:54What?
01:56Ah, charming.
01:57You've been having midnight snacks again, haven't you?
02:00Ah, yeah, well, um, what happened was, see, um, I got up for a glass of milk and the bacon
02:04fell out the fridge.
02:05Well, knowing how fussy you are, rinsed it under the tap, er, put it under the grill to dry it,
02:10and it...
02:10It smelt so good I ate it.
02:13Not good enough.
02:15No?
02:15Well, I've, uh, I was walking in my sleep and I went to the...
02:18They were my fags.
02:20They were half full last night.
02:21I was smoking in my sleep.
02:23He's got to go.
02:24He's got to go.
02:24He's got to go.
02:26What's she trying to say?
02:32Larry, do you want me to, er, give it to you straight?
02:35Or do you want me to be diplomatic?
02:37Oh, be diplomatic.
02:39You're a thieving, scrounging, pain in the neck, and you're getting on everybody's wick.
02:44Yeah, I'm glad you didn't give it to me straight.
02:46Do you want your rice krispies dry, or do you want cooking sherry on them?
02:49Oh, no, I don't think so.
02:51You're a lady who's snap, crackle, hup, no.
02:53Two days, you said we'd put him up.
02:54He's been here two weeks.
02:56Morning, all.
02:57Try a small bacon.
02:58Not unless your nose is slow.
03:01Is he in no hurry to leave?
03:02Last night he was talking about where to put the Christmas tree.
03:04Oh, no, come on, Chrissy, don't exaggerate.
03:06Okay, sometimes, you know, he may be in the bathroom when you want to use it.
03:10Like now?
03:10No, no, no, he's not in there now.
03:12Oh, isn't he?
03:12Morning, Joe.
03:13Linda's your towel, eh?
03:14Shon't be long.
03:16He's got to go.
03:17Right, he's got to go.
03:19As a matter of fact, so must I.
03:20I hope he's not going to be in there long.
03:22Grab him by the scruff of the neck and boot him out.
03:24He's your friend.
03:25All right, all right.
03:26I'll tell my best mate you're out.
03:28Okay?
03:30Nowhere to go.
03:31Sleeping on the embankment in the rain.
03:33Yeah, I'll tell him.
03:34But I'll tell you this.
03:36I don't know how to stop laughing.
03:39Who's drunk all the milk?
03:40Oh, don't start that again.
03:41I'll tell you what, I'll go down to Mrs. Rope and scrounge some milk off her, okay?
03:44With no trousers on.
03:47I still stand by what I say, George.
03:50You are not giving me enough.
03:53I need more.
03:55Yeah, well, I'll do the best I can, dear.
03:58But it's not enough, George.
04:01I mean, £9 a week goes nowhere these days.
04:03Do you know what a fillet estate costs?
04:05No.
04:05No.
04:06Neither do I.
04:07I can't afford it.
04:09I'll give you me wage packet every week.
04:11Yes, George, but you never leave any money in it.
04:13No, I mean to show you what I earn.
04:16Anyway, my mother brought up eight kids on £30 a week.
04:19And there was love and laughter.
04:20It was a very happy home, considering we were all starving.
04:25Everybody was poor in those days, George.
04:27No, it's just us.
04:29I mean, why don't you get yourself a proper job,
04:31instead of that part-time job round the betting shop?
04:33Yeah, well, it's my health, Mildred, isn't it?
04:35There's nothing wrong with you but dandruff.
04:38And that's clearing up nicely now you're going balls.
04:41Look, just for once, Mildred, just for once,
04:43why don't you mention one of my good points, eh?
04:48You're well insured.
04:51That is it.
04:52I've had enough.
04:53I'm going up to my den.
04:56Morning.
04:56Mildred, mildred, mildred, mildred, mildred, mildred, mildred.
04:58Morning.
04:59Morning.
05:00Oh, morning, love.
05:01Come on in.
05:02Hello.
05:03Er, can you spare a drop of milk?
05:05Oh, I'm sorry, love.
05:06That young man that's staying with you, he borrowed my last pint yesterday.
05:09Oh, he's got to go.
05:10Well, never mind.
05:11The milk won't be here in half an hour,
05:12and there's enough in there, you know, for a cuppa.
05:15Sit down.
05:15Oh, thanks.
05:17Er, is the real feeling all right?
05:19Oh, he's just gone for a sulk in the attic,
05:21along with the rest of the rubbish.
05:23The attic?
05:24Mm-hmm.
05:24He's supposed to be clearing it out.
05:26Mind you, he's been doing it for seven years.
05:28Oh, what's it like up there?
05:35Oh, I don't know.
05:40Never in your face.
05:51Oh, boy.
05:53Ah.
05:54There we go.
05:57Oh, dear.
06:07Santa says he's out of the bath.
06:10We've gone down the plug, oh?
06:12We couldn't be that lucky.
06:14Right then, what's for breakfast?
06:16Oh, nothing.
06:17This restaurant is for residents only.
06:20What does that mean?
06:21Robin will tell you.
06:22Fine.
06:22Oh, your towel fell in the loo.
06:24Sorry.
06:25Tell him!
06:29Tell me what?
06:31You've got to go, Larry.
06:33OK, I'll go.
06:35No, I mean, not now.
06:36Not, you know, not this instant.
06:38No, neither do I.
06:39Oh.
06:39Well, I mean, you wouldn't put me on the embankment sleeping in the rain, would you?
06:42Well, I've got to find myself somewhere, haven't I?
06:45Or find someone to share with.
06:47You've got to be very careful who you share with.
06:49Some people can get on your nerves very quickly.
06:50You know what I mean?
06:51Yes, I know what you mean.
06:52On second thoughts, I withdraw what I just said.
06:54What about me going?
06:55No, about you not having to leave right away.
06:57Now, Larry, please leave go.
06:58Right?
06:59I mean, you don't know what I've been getting from those two girls.
07:02Yeah, I've got me suspicious, though, eh?
07:04Not that, the other.
07:06Yeah, that's what I mean.
07:07No, I mean the complaints, the moans.
07:11Now, Larry, they've laid it on the line.
07:13One of us has got to go.
07:18Tricky.
07:20It isn't tricky.
07:21You're going.
07:23But we're mates, muckers.
07:26We've been friends for years, you and me.
07:28I remember the face, but the name escapes me.
07:31Give me one more week, mate.
07:34One day, stranger.
07:37Yeah, OK.
07:39If I'd have been you, I'd have kicked me out weeks ago.
07:41You would.
07:42Yeah, if you hadn't said something soon, I'd have mentioned it myself.
07:45I'll go and get the local papers.
07:47Oh, Larry, listen, I've got something to tell you.
07:49It's all right, he's already told me.
07:50See you, mate.
07:51Sorry.
07:52Stranger.
07:56Well, Chrissy?
07:58I told him, I've given him till tomorrow to get out.
08:01Oh, that was a bit harsh, wasn't it?
08:04I give up.
08:05I give up.
08:06Actually, there's an attic upstairs.
08:08It'd suit him down to the ground.
08:10Pardon?
08:11Mr Roper's clearing it out, or he's supposed to be.
08:14That must be those noises we hear sometimes.
08:15Oh, and I thought he was up there building a glider trying to escape from Mrs Roper.
08:19Yeah, it's a proper room up there.
08:21It's dirty, untidy and vacant.
08:23Who does that remind you of?
08:24Larry.
08:24Right.
08:25Yeah, but well, they rent it out, you know.
08:26You know who wears the trousers?
08:28Yes, I do.
08:28And she said she will.
08:29Oh.
08:31He's used the hot water, all of it.
08:33Never mind.
08:33With a bit of luck, he'll be going up there.
08:36Oh, good idea.
08:37Let's murder him.
08:41Got me now.
08:43Oh, Swedish.
08:46Oh, 17.
08:51Oh, God.
08:57Hold on.
09:00Just a minute.
09:02I'll be right with you.
09:04Yeah.
09:05Right.
09:13Just doing a bit of polishing.
09:15What are you doing here?
09:16Mrs Roper said we could come and have a look.
09:19At what?
09:20The attic.
09:22Oh, yeah.
09:22All right.
09:23Well, come in.
09:25Yes, this is it.
09:27Yes, I've been tidying up.
09:31What was it like before?
09:33Well, these things take time, you know.
09:35I mean, Rome wasn't burnt in a day.
09:37Yes, and some of this junk is very valuable.
09:39I mean, you take that, for instance, you see, this moose here.
09:42Oh, that was magnificent before the moths got at it.
09:44That was killed by moths.
09:47You could do quite a lot with this place.
09:49You could put a stove and a sink over there.
09:51Bed over there.
09:52No, I only pop up here for an hour or two.
09:53I don't want to live up here.
09:55You could paint the walls, put some lino on the floor.
09:58No, no, no.
09:58It's just to get away from her, you see.
09:59Look at her.
10:01Have you listened to her voice?
10:02It goes on and on like a rusty flexor.
10:10Well, dears.
10:11What do you think?
10:12Well, I think you'd be very comfortable up here.
10:13Yeah, and he'll be out of everybody's way.
10:15Yeah, hang on a minute.
10:17I mean, we may have our tiffs, Mildred,
10:20but, well, you can't make me live up here if I don't want to.
10:22George, will you try...
10:23Have I said something to upset you?
10:24No, no, no, no, no.
10:25It's Larry.
10:25I've hardly spoken to him.
10:28He's moving in up here.
10:30Oh!
10:32I thought for a moment you'd be...
10:35No, he's not.
10:36Right.
10:37That's agreed, then, dears.
10:39Now, all you've got to do is to just shift all this rubbish yourself.
10:42Yeah, that'll be fine.
10:42I'm not having it, do you hear me?
10:44And, of course, it'll need redecorating.
10:45No, Larry will do that himself.
10:46I'm putting my foot down, do you listen?
10:48You see, all you're going to do is to board up that water tank,
10:51a bit of new pane in the window as well.
10:53It'll be lovely when it's all finished.
10:54That'll be marvellous.
10:55Yeah.
10:55Yeah, yeah.
10:56I said no, and when I say no, I mean no.
10:58Oh, shut up, George.
11:01Either you rent this room or you go out and get a proper job.
11:04Yeah.
11:05Well, I'm quite willing to sell him some of the furniture.
11:08Well, actually, he's got some rubbish of his own.
11:10Oh.
11:12This turned out very nicely, dears, didn't it?
11:15Oh, George, there is just one problem.
11:18What's that?
11:21Where are you going to put all your dirty books now?
11:24LAUGHTER
11:26APPLAUSE
11:30APPLAUSE
11:32APPLAUSE
11:34APPLAUSE
11:34APPLAUSE
11:54No, it's great. You'll absolutely love it.
11:57Yeah, it's a super room, just what you've been looking for.
11:59And it's got tremendous, um...
12:01Er, possibilities.
12:02That's the word.
12:03Of course, you'll have to sort of use your imagination a bit.
12:06Well, quite a lot, really.
12:07Yeah, yeah.
12:08But, I mean, you know, if you sort of, just sort of, um...
12:11Prepare your mind, you know,
12:12and don't so much look at the room
12:15as much as the, um...
12:18Possibilities.
12:19Right, right.
12:20Right, now, what do you think?
12:22LAUGHTER
12:24LAUGHTER
12:25Bloody hell!
12:27You're not looking at the possibilities, Larry.
12:29No, I mean, you know, get rid of the rubbish, you know,
12:31tidied up, curtains, the sun's shining through the window.
12:34Then I just think about it.
12:36Yeah, I'm thinking about it.
12:38Bloody hell!
12:41You'd just want to get rid of me, didn't you?
12:42Anywhere I'd do.
12:43Yes.
12:45It's a crummy attic!
12:46Yeah, but, I mean, paint it white and you've got a...
12:49Er, a white-painted crummy attic.
12:52What's that are you on?
12:53Joe, you tell him.
12:54You can see the possibilities, can't you?
12:57Bloody hell!
12:58LAUGHTER
12:59There you are, see?
13:00She speaks her mind.
13:02She doesn't just want to get rid of me.
13:03Oh, yes, I do.
13:05Oh, charm.
13:06That's gratitude for you.
13:07After all we've done for you,
13:08and that's the thanks we get.
13:09How you know about?
13:10I haven't said I don't like it yet, have I?
13:12Not in so many words.
13:13Well, then.
13:13Do you like it?
13:14No.
13:15LAUGHTER
13:18That's it.
13:18I wash my hands of him.
13:20So do I.
13:21Me too.
13:21Let's all wash our hands, eh?
13:22It's filthy up here.
13:23Hello, son.
13:24What do you think of the place?
13:25Well, I've never seen...
13:25Loves it, loves it, loves it.
13:27Listen, Larry, I'll tell you something.
13:29I wouldn't mind living up there.
13:30There you are, you see?
13:31She wouldn't mind living up there.
13:32No, I'm serious.
13:33You what?
13:34Well, it's self-contained, private.
13:36No-one to pinch your make-up or tights.
13:38I don't wear make-up or tights.
13:40Neither do I half the time.
13:41They keep getting pinched.
13:42I don't wear your make-up.
13:44Well, somebody does.
13:45All right, I admit it, it's me.
13:48Read my shameful secrets in the news of the world.
13:51How about you borrow them and you don't give them back?
13:54That's better.
13:55I'd have the whole place to myself.
13:57No more arguments about snoring.
13:58I don't snore.
14:00No, but I do, and I'm fed up with feeling guilty about it.
14:03And £7 a week.
14:05That's less than I'm paying here to share.
14:07£7?
14:08That's not bad, actually, because that room has got a lot of...
14:10Possibilities.
14:12Yes.
14:12Actually, I wouldn't mind living up there.
14:14No, just a second, girls.
14:16I don't want you two falling out over a crummy attic,
14:19so I'll take it.
14:21Why?
14:23Well, I mean, you're right.
14:24It's private.
14:25I could take a girl up there any time I like, give her a...
14:27Hang about.
14:29Let's not forget it's my room we're talking about.
14:33I do hope my husband hasn't given you the wrong impression
14:36about all the stuff in the attic, Mr Morris.
14:38A treasure house of objet d'art and antiques?
14:41He has given you the wrong impression.
14:46Oh, hello, Mr Morris.
14:49We have met on the phone.
14:51Yes.
14:52I'd just like to say I do know the value of what I got.
14:54I watch Arthur Negus.
14:56Oh, yes, you take that for instance, you see.
14:58Now, that could be Ming or even Tang.
15:02Well, there's an easy way to tell.
15:04If it was Ming, it would go...
15:05Ming.
15:06If it was Tang, it would go...
15:08Tang.
15:09This one goes...
15:11Woolworth.
15:13George, why don't you show him your Chippendale pram wheel?
15:16Now, you keep out of this.
15:18Oh, hey, here.
15:19Now, here, this is interesting, you see.
15:22Yes, you get a new set of strings, a new bridge,
15:25and a new back.
15:27Be good as new.
15:29Haven't you got any Mycin or Rococo Save or Myonica?
15:33Yeah, I may have.
15:35If you knew what it was.
15:36Oh, I tell you what, I've got quite a collection of the Beano and the Dandy.
15:40They might be worth a few, Bob, to a collector.
15:42They are pre-war, are they?
15:43Well, no.
15:44Last year's most of them.
15:46The only thing that fetches a price nowadays is really old stuff.
15:50I mean, really old.
15:51Oh, you ought to come down and have a look through in my wardrobe.
15:55Oh, here.
15:56I'll tell you what I've got.
15:58I've been saving this.
15:59This is my granddad's old clock, you see.
16:01What do you think of that?
16:03Is that in working order?
16:05Well, no.
16:06Thank God for that.
16:07I thought I was late for my next appointment.
16:09All right.
16:10I don't want to be unfair.
16:12Ten quid the lot.
16:14Certainly not.
16:15Please yourself, but no one else will shift this junk for less than ten quid.
16:20That room was offered to me.
16:21I'm entitled to the first refusal, and I haven't refused, right?
16:24It's just it took me a while to see the possibilities.
16:28Bringing a girl back any time you like.
16:29Yeah, and painting her white.
16:31So I'm having it, OK?
16:34Listen, he only wants it because we want it.
16:36I told you it would work.
16:38You're a bit of a psychologist on the quid.
16:40Well...
16:40On the other hand, I don't want to be unfair.
16:43What?
16:43Well, I mean, you did find a room.
16:45I don't want to live up there with you three resenting it.
16:47Why not?
16:47You live down here with us three resenting it.
16:50Larry, you go up there and have that attic with our blessing.
16:54A-R-C, sarcasm, bitterness creeping in already.
16:57Here, I know.
16:58We're drawing lots through, has it?
17:00Oh, that's fair.
17:02What it is?
17:03Look, Larry, there is no need for this, mate.
17:05Four bits of paper, four names.
17:07Is it Chrissie with a Y?
17:08Yes.
17:09Yeah, right.
17:10Robin with one B.
17:13Right.
17:14Joe.
17:15I think I can manage that.
17:16Yeah.
17:18And meself, Larry.
17:21Well, dears, you can clear it out as soon as you like.
17:24It's all for the rubbish tip.
17:25Nicely timed, Mrs R.
17:26Pick a name.
17:27Pardon?
17:28Oh, this is dark.
17:29Just take one bit of paper.
17:30Oh, all right.
17:31That's fine.
17:32Would you read out the name, please?
17:35Larry.
17:35Oh!
17:36Congratulations.
17:39Well, I'll just go and borrow a van and want you to start clearing out my little penthouse.
17:43Er, I don't know if it's important, dears, but all the rest of these slips have got Larry written on
17:48them as well.
17:50I rather thought they would have.
17:52Don't worry.
17:58Oh, come on.
17:59That's enough.
18:00I can't take any more.
18:01I'll do meself a mischief.
18:02Open your mouth.
18:03Eh?
18:04Oh!
18:05Oh!
18:10You're not helpful very much.
18:12I'm working on something.
18:13Right.
18:14This is next.
18:15One good heave and we'll...
18:17Oh!
18:18Leave it where it is.
18:19Oh, perhaps you'd better empty at first.
18:21Right.
18:23Oh, look.
18:25I used to have a teddy bear just like this.
18:27I used to take him to bed with me every night and tell him all my secrets.
18:31Oh, yeah?
18:32Throw him in the pond eventually.
18:34Well, he knew too much.
18:36Well, of course.
18:37Of course, I thought so.
18:38Look.
18:38Look on this violin.
18:40Look.
18:42Stred.
18:42We're rich.
18:44Stred.
18:45Wick and son.
18:46This is my arcade burgeon head.
18:49We're poor.
18:50Come on.
18:50Come and do some work.
18:51All right.
18:52What have you got there, anyway?
18:54Oh, well, just old papers and things.
18:56Oh, letters.
18:57Yeah, well, don't look at them because they might be private.
19:00I'm not looking at them.
19:01I'm just looking at the words to see if they are private.
19:04Well, I'd better look at one as well.
19:05Double check.
19:09Dearest Mill.
19:11All my love, Georgie.
19:14Hey, they're love letters from him to her.
19:16God, that's typical of women, isn't it?
19:18You'd sit there and read all those letters and leave me out.
19:25Look, actually, you know, we shouldn't really be reading these.
19:29No.
19:30No, actually, you are right, because, you know, some of this stuff is pretty, well, personal and private.
19:38Listen to this bit.
19:42I pant for your caresses.
19:45For you, my precious flower, I could climb the highest mountain and ford the deepest river.
19:51Nowadays, he won't even bring the coal in for us.
19:54I shall never forget last night, your tiny hand in mine, the butterfly touch of your hair against my cheek.
20:02I hope my cold sore didn't put you off.
20:06It's all right there.
20:08Listen to this.
20:09Listen to this.
20:10We wandered through the Daffo Dills beside the railway line.
20:14A train came past you didn't hear when I said, please be mine.
20:18OK, there's another bit here.
20:20Look, look, my dearest, darlingest, Bill.
20:25My heart cries at all.
20:31Uh, we were just sort of, um, tidying up, you know, and we came across...
20:36Yes, I know what you found.
20:38Uh, can I?
20:41Sorry, Mr. Erker.
20:42It's all right, it's all right.
20:43We didn't mean to laugh, but we couldn't help it.
20:46Yes, I know.
20:48I can see it's probably quite funny to you youngsters that a man should pour his heart out on paper
20:54like that.
20:55Well, no, it wasn't so much the, um, the words as, you know, the way you spell them.
21:00Yes.
21:02Well, I never claimed to be an educated man.
21:04No, no, no, I didn't mean that.
21:05No, no, it's all right, I know these letters are silly.
21:07Well, you write things like that when you're younger and still got hope.
21:12A bit daft, I suppose.
21:17Oh, I thought your little poem was real.
21:19Yes, I know, it's all right.
21:21It's not important.
21:22Not now, none of it is.
21:24Uh, just throw them out with the rest of the junk.
21:28God, it's murder, aren't they stuck up and down these stairs?
21:31Yes, I know what you mean.
21:33Yeah, it looks heavy.
21:34Yes, it is.
21:34Yeah, well, after you.
21:36Oh, thanks.
21:39I know, leave them there, they're just a load of old junk.
21:41Oh, they're not?
21:42Yes, they are.
21:43Well, you know how it is.
21:45I was a bit over-sentimental and romantic in those days.
21:48Perhaps I still am.
21:50Yeah, watch what you're doing, you silly cow.
21:55Language, George.
21:57I mean, I didn't do it on purpose.
21:59I thought we might all like a nice cup of tea.
22:00Oh, that's marvellous.
22:01Shall I...
22:01Oh, thank you, dear.
22:02Oh, while you're here, I might as well give you the first week's rent.
22:05Oh, no, there's no hurry, son.
22:06It's all right.
22:06Seven quid, you said, right?
22:08Seven?
22:09You told me you're only going to charge him five.
22:11Yeah, but it's been a little misunderstanding, dear, you see.
22:13So, it's five, then?
22:14Yeah, no, it's not.
22:15Oh, you're going to pocket the difference, were you?
22:17You nasty, greedy little man.
22:20Ah, language, Mildred.
22:21I'll give you language.
22:23For 20 years, I'll put up with your sneaky, penny-pinching little ways.
22:26Oh, what about you, then?
22:27Eh, nag, nag, nag, nag?
22:29Please, please don't quarrel.
22:31Look, it doesn't seem right.
22:33Not after, well, after reading these.
22:35Look, I know we were wrong.
22:36Nobody should read other people's love letters, but...
22:38Well, look, if you read them again
22:40and remembered how you felt about each other when he wrote them to you...
22:44He's never written me a love letter in the whole of his life.
22:51Who's Mildred?
22:52Who's Mildred?
22:52Yeah, well, it's all over now, love.
22:53That's why she sent me back.
22:55Ah!
22:57Millicent Briggs.
22:58She was my maid of honour at our wedding.
23:00Yeah, I know, but...
23:00Oh, you dirty little devil.
23:06APPLAUSE
23:06Yes, thank you.
23:08Yes!
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