- 2 days ago
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00:02You see me all dressed up like a balding penguin because this morning I have been
00:06summoned to the colonel's office to receive a collaboration medal from
00:10General von Klinkerofen. The general is under the impression that I helped
00:15Lieutenant Gruber and the colonel blow up his rival, General von Flockenstufen,
00:19with a stick of dynamite which he had picked up in mistake for a candle to go
00:24and search in my cellar for a better quality bottle of wine. There was a huge
00:28bang. He lost his senses. I lost 42 cases of cheap plonk. I am now an hero to the
00:35Germans but if I collect this collaboration medal I will be very
00:38unpopular in the village. It is a serious problem for me. I am caught between the
00:42devil and the deep blue sea. Oh René, René it is dreadful. The old village knows that you are going
00:49to get a medal from the Germans.
00:50Oh my god. They would not serve me in the shops. They called me the wife of a collaborator.
00:56Look, even the pigeons are going to get me. Monsieur, it is not good for you.
01:02They have threatened to burn down the café. Oh no. Even a lynching has been mentioned.
01:08All right. You do not have to rub it in. One must make preparations, Monsieur. Do you have any requests
01:15for the wording on your tombstone?
01:18That is ridiculous. That is ridiculous. Everybody knows that I am not a collaborator.
01:24They do not mean all these things they are saying.
01:29Good grief. That could have killed me.
01:32I think that was the intention. There is a note on the brick.
01:35What does it say? Next time our aim will be better.
01:39Oh René, what shall we do? I do not want to become a widow. It is so aging.
01:46Calm yourself, Edith. This must be some big mistake.
01:51René, the postman gave me a castle for you.
01:53For me? Is it ticking?
01:55No.
01:56Oh well, throw it away in any case, Mimi. It could be anything.
01:59I am not afraid. I will open it.
02:05My god, an hangman's noose.
02:08Hello, René. It is the detachable tie I ordered for you.
02:11It is ideal for soup stains.
02:14Please, you just detach the tie like this and fix on one of the spares.
02:19Oh, I have no time for that.
02:20Oh, that would be wonderful in my business.
02:23I am always splashing my tie.
02:25There, then you are me.
02:26Oh, Yvette, do not do that. What is it?
02:29Michelle is in the back room. She wishes to speak to you urgently.
02:32Oh, what does she want now?
02:33Mimi, Yvette, clear up this broken glass, would you?
02:39I have bought this for you, René.
02:41Oh, not another parcel.
02:42What is the matter?
02:43These are monks' outfits to disguise the British airmen.
02:47What?
02:48Listen very carefully. I shall say this only once.
02:52The light aircraft from London will be arriving shortly to pick up the British airmen.
02:57Why do they have to disguise themselves as monks?
02:59Is that not obvious?
03:01There is a curfew in the village.
03:03However, the monks from the monastery of St. Crispin the Silent have permission to break
03:09the curfew for their midnight vigil to celebrate the one occasion St. Crispin spoke.
03:14What did he say?
03:15Goodbye.
03:17Now, there are three monks' costumes here.
03:20Three? But there were only two British airmen.
03:22The third is for René.
03:24He will accompany the airmen to make sure they find the right field.
03:26It is out of the question.
03:27I have enough problems as it is.
03:29A brick has just been thrown through my window because I am getting a German collaborator's
03:33medal.
03:33Oh, then you must not accept it.
03:35It is easier said than done.
03:36You must tell everybody that I am a loyal friend to the resistance.
03:39Well, if you help the resistance, I will do my best to save your windows.
03:43And if I do not?
03:45Expect a brick from me.
03:48I do not seem to have much choice.
03:49But they will still lynch me if I get the collaboration medal, and if I refuse it,
03:53General von Klinkerofen will immediately suspect that I am working for the resistance
03:56and have me shot.
03:57Either way, monsieur, you are done for.
04:00Well, whatever they do, you can rest assured you will be buried with full resistance on earth.
04:05Oh, that is a great comfort.
04:06Will you stop doing that?
04:08Oh, well, Michelle is right.
04:10You must refuse the medal.
04:12It is impossible, Edith.
04:13I am due there any minute.
04:15What grounds do I have for...
04:17Unless...
04:18What is it?
04:19Yes.
04:20Michelle has given me an idea.
04:22If the resistance cannot help me, maybe Saint Crispin can.
04:27Saint Crispin?
04:28Oh, monsieur Alphonse, he is cracking up already under the strain.
04:32He has not said a prayer since the night of our honeymoon.
04:37I have a terrible headache, Gruber.
04:39I am too old for all this drinking.
04:44Colonel, René from the cafe is here for the medal presentation.
04:48Oh, very well.
04:49Show him in.
04:51GAS!
04:52So loud, Helga, the coronel has a hangover.
04:56Bring him in here.
05:05Go away!
05:10René, what on earth are you doing dressed up as a monk?
05:13I have come to tell you I cannot accept the collaboration medal.
05:17What do you mean, René?
05:19You have not really become a monk, have you?
05:21I have renounced my former life and I am forbidden by my vows to accept any worldly goods
05:26because I have joined the order of Saint Crispin the Silent.
05:30For a silent monk, you are doing an awful lot of talking.
05:33I am only a novice, but I am thinking of giving my life to the cause.
05:37A voice has whispered in my ear that I should live apart from society with other men of the same
05:42persuasion.
05:46Yes, I can see that might have its attractions.
05:50But surely this is a bit drastic.
05:53It is the only way.
05:54And is this rough cloth not uncomfortable?
05:58There are no comforts in the monastery, Lieutenant.
06:01I am already late for scourging.
06:03I am not sure that becoming a monk, René, is an adequate excuse for refusing a medal.
06:09Please, Colonel, if I get that medal, not only will I break my vows,
06:13but the people of Nouvien will assassinate me as a collaborator.
06:16No.
06:17Yes, there have been threats already.
06:19Colonel, perhaps we should reconsider this.
06:22After all, René has done us many favors.
06:25Do not mention that.
06:26There is nothing we can do.
06:28They will burn down my café,
06:30and then you will have nowhere to go for entertainment in the evenings.
06:32No more fun with the girls.
06:34No more wet celery.
06:39What about the egg whisk?
06:42You are right, Kruber.
06:44This is serious.
06:45We must think of a way to get General von Klinkhofen to change his mind about the medal.
06:51Lie low for a while, René.
06:54If monastery life becomes too hard, you can come and stay in my room at the Chateau.
07:00Thank you, Lieutenant.
07:02Let us hope it does not come to that.
07:06General von Klinkhofen is here, Colonel.
07:09Please, Lieutenant.
07:10Please, Lieutenant.
07:10Do not expose me.
07:11No.
07:12I must not receive that medal.
07:13Do not worry, René.
07:15Leave this to me.
07:18Herr Hitler.
07:19Herr Hitler.
07:21Who is the old man in the dressing gown?
07:24He is a monk, General, collecting for the local monastery restoration.
07:31Would you like to donate something?
07:34That would be ridiculous, Kruber.
07:35The German army doesn't give to the church.
07:37He takes from it.
07:40Your face is familiar.
07:42What is your name?
07:43He is a silent monk.
07:45He cannot speak.
07:49Get out.
07:54We are running a war here, not a charity.
07:57Yes, General.
07:58Good God.
07:59Colonel, what have you done to this room?
08:01What is this ghastly carpet and these awful pictures?
08:04It was General von Flockenstaufen's idea.
08:07It looks like a bordello.
08:08That's what I thought, but I couldn't say so.
08:13Kruber chose the paintings and the color of the castle.
08:16He was very crawly.
08:19I was only acting under orders.
08:23Now, where is the brave French peasant who is to receive the collaboration medal?
08:27I am afraid he is not well enough to attend, General.
08:30The explosion which blew up General von Flockenstaufen left him in rather a bad state of shock.
08:35Hmm.
08:36Perhaps it's as well he is not here at present.
08:38I haven't yet received permission from Berlin to give the award.
08:41But I am expecting authorization any moment.
08:43Okay. I am back.
08:45You must not be glad to see me, no?
08:48No.
08:50I had a very tough time in the hospital.
08:52It's no easy playing the fruiterkiker, you know.
08:55Shouldn't be difficult for you.
08:57But what happened to the General Flocken, uh, what's his name?
09:01Staffing.
09:01Was he?
09:04That's a tough luck.
09:06Now that I am back in charge, I want one thing to be absolutely clear.
09:09We are not on holiday here.
09:11I will not tolerate schlacking.
09:13Is that clear?
09:14Yes, General.
09:15Good. Colonel, get this room redecorated, and this time you choose the colors.
09:20I will make it look very manly.
09:25Heil Hitler!
09:26Heil Mussolini!
09:30Thank you very much for dropping me in it.
09:33It was a pleasure.
09:38See who it is, von Smallhausen?
09:40If they are selling anything, tell them to go away, or we will have them shot.
09:44Yes, Heflick.
09:47It is Helga.
09:49I have brought you some intelligence, Heflick.
09:51And what is this intelligence?
09:53The owner of the cafe in the square, René Artois, has become a monk, and has joined the Holy Order
09:58of St Crispin the Silent.
10:00This is most interesting, Helga.
10:02Now, why would he do that?
10:05I have an idea.
10:07I hope it is a sensible idea.
10:09Perhaps he is tired of the material world, and wishes to find solace in the simple life of beads and
10:15embroidery, the peace and tranquillity of the monastery, birds singing, matins being sung, the soft tapping of sandals in the
10:23cloisters.
10:25That is one of the longest ideas I have ever heard.
10:29You are a nincompoop von Smallhausen.
10:33But is it not possible, Heflick?
10:35We are all familiar with René Artois.
10:37I do not believe that a man with his earthy appetites would willingly go into a monastery, where the monks
10:44fast regularly, wear very itchy clothes, and are permanently deprived of nookie.
10:50As René Artois, that's a bit of enky-penky with his two waitresses.
10:55Very softer.
10:56He is not known as MĂ©nage Artois for nothing.
11:03My keen analytical mind tells me that this has something to do with the British airmen.
11:09You could be right, Heflick.
11:12What better place to hide them than in a monastery where they can mingle unnoticed with the monks?
11:17Von Smallhausen, you will acquire for us two monks' outfits.
11:21One medium-sized one for me, one midget-sized one for you.
11:26We will enter the monastery and sniff around.
11:29Heflick, if you go into the monastery, will you not too be on short rations as far as Nookie is
11:34concerned?
11:35You are right, Helga.
11:36If I am to renounce these pleasures, we had better have a final snog now.
11:42Short rations too, Heflick?
11:45Owing to your size, Von Smallhausen, you are always on short rations.
11:49Go behind the screen.
11:52And no peeping.
11:57You may kiss me now, Helga.
12:03I said, no peeping.
12:09René! It is me, Louise!
12:12Do not do that. I have had enough shocks already today.
12:15Oh, René, it's good to see you again.
12:17Hold me.
12:18Oh, my dear. I need all the friends I can get.
12:25What is that I feel between us?
12:30Oh, it's only my pistol and a couple of hand grenades.
12:34That is a relief.
12:38It is such a pity we have to pass this way.
12:41What do you mean?
12:42You are a collaborator.
12:43The Germans are giving you a medal.
12:45The girls of the communist resistance have drawn stores to decide who should execute you.
12:49Execute me? But I have not yet received that medal.
12:52The sentence has been passed, René. I must do it.
12:55Oh, you cannot just shoot me here.
12:57I will drop down and ruin my cobbles.
13:01Can you not just let me off?
13:03It is terrible for me too, René.
13:05I shall kill myself immediately afterwards.
13:07That is no consolation for me.
13:09Please. I have always loved you, Denise.
13:12Louise?
13:12Louise, sorry.
13:14No, no, no. For the sake of the past, spare me.
13:17Oh, René.
13:19My love for you is too strong.
13:21I will give you 24 hours to leave town.
13:23Then I will come after you.
13:25Well, I suppose that is better than nothing.
13:27Goodbye, René. And good luck.
13:33These threats will be the death of me.
13:38René, you are trembling. Are you all right?
13:42Louise of the communist resistance has given me 24 hours to leave town
13:46and then she is going to shoot me.
13:48Oh, René, no!
13:49Oh, Yvette, you have always been a comfort.
13:53Oh, the world seems to be gunning for me.
13:56My heart is pounding with worry.
13:58And mine is pounding in sympathy.
14:02Feel it.
14:06I will take your word for that.
14:08Oh, René, what are we going to do?
14:10I do not know.
14:12If only we could flee to England in that plane in place of the British Airmen tonight.
14:16Oh, Yvette, I would need an overpowering reason to double-cross the resistance
14:20and leave the Airmen behind.
14:21But if you do not escape, you will be shot.
14:24That is an overpowering reason.
14:27What are we going to do?
14:28I will think of something.
14:29In the meantime, we must get an extra monk's costume for you to avoid the curfew.
14:34Where am I going to get that?
14:36Go to the police station.
14:37Ask Officer Crabtree to contact Michelle and get an extra one from her.
14:41But what excuse shall I give?
14:42Well, say, the one that Michelle gave me was too small.
14:45Oh, René, you are so clever.
14:52René!
14:54What are you doing holding that servant girl in your arms?
14:57You stupid woman.
15:00Can you not see this poor child is distressed because of all the threats I have been receiving
15:05and the way that they worry my beloved wife?
15:08That is you, Edie.
15:11Oh, now, there, there, child.
15:13Go on, go and lie down in a darkened room.
15:16Oh, wacky loyalty.
15:18Oh, forgive me, René.
15:20I am not myself.
15:21All these threats have made me wobbly all over.
15:25Hold me tight.
15:25Oh, I've only there was some way of saving you.
15:28There is.
15:29I am going to England tonight with the Airmen.
15:32Oh, René.
15:33To England?
15:35It is the only solution.
15:36You are right.
15:37I will come with you.
15:39What?
15:41My place is by your side.
15:43Now, now, Edith, do not be hasty.
15:45No, no, you must, you must stay here and look after the cafe until the war is over.
15:49You must stay here and keep the business going.
15:52Of course I will.
15:53You can rely on me.
15:56Oh, René.
15:57This may be our last living together for goodness knows how long.
16:01Should we not make it an occasion to remember?
16:06That is a nice thought, Edith.
16:08But if I am going to be a monk tonight, I had better get into the Abbot.
16:15I will just go and practice scourging myself.
16:18I will just go and practice scourging myself.
16:27This must be it.
16:30What does the sign say?
16:34The Holy Order of St. Crispin the Silent.
16:37If you are tired of sin, come inside.
16:41And what does someone scold underneath?
16:44If you are not tired of sin, phone Nouvion 346 and ask for pity.
16:50Put all thought of sin from your mind, von Smallhausen.
16:53We must act the part of monks.
16:58Yes, Herr Flick?
16:59Do not call me Herr Flick.
17:01I am Brother Otto now.
17:08Ah, good day, brothers.
17:10You are welcome.
17:11And what brings you to our monastery?
17:14I thought this was a silent order.
17:17We are silent between the bells of six and twelve.
17:20We are travelling monks who have tired of the road
17:23and wish to find solitude in your order.
17:26First, you must agree to abide by the rules of the monastery
17:30and to follow at all times the powers of poverty, chastity,
17:35obedience and silence between the bells.
17:38We agree.
17:40Very well.
17:41Have you any money or worldly goods on you?
17:45A few coins, that is all.
17:47And the boba.
17:55And your spectacles?
17:57Our spectacles?
17:58They are worldly fripperies, unbecoming in men of God.
18:03But I cannot see without them.
18:05Saint Christopher will guide you.
18:20You must, uh, have your heads shaved, too.
18:24We have already shaved them.
18:27Completely!
18:28Every hair on the body must be removed so you are truly naked before your maker.
18:36The monastery barber, Brussels Sweeney, will attend.
18:41But first, a little refreshment after your journey.
18:44Good. I'm hackish.
18:46Your ration is a slice of bread and a piece of jism.
18:50Per meal?
18:51Per day. We do not believe in comparing the body.
18:56Ah, you have arrived just in time.
18:58It is the hour of scourging.
19:04All monks must discipline themselves once a day.
19:08Give me the whip, Father.
19:10We will do it later.
19:11No, in honor of your arrival, on this occasion, I will do it for you.
19:16Take them to the scourging room!
19:24This was not a good idea, Franz Mollhausen.
19:31Oh, René.
19:33Just think, in a few hours, we will be together for all time.
19:37All right.
19:38Somebody is coming.
19:40Good morning.
19:42It is you.
19:43What were you doing upstairs?
19:45I have just delivered the extra minx disguise for you.
19:49It is bogger than the other one.
19:52Where have you put it?
19:53Under the bod of your mitherin' loo, where no one will fond it.
19:57Good.
19:58Where are the earmen?
20:00They are in the kitchen.
20:01Take me to them. I must give them a massage from Michelle.
20:07I say, Carstairs, you don't suppose we overdid the starch a bit, do you?
20:15Hello, chaps.
20:17Hello!
20:17How's it all going?
20:18Not very well.
20:20I just can't get these stains sifted.
20:23Listen, chaps, this is the plan.
20:24There's a plane coming over from Blighty tonight.
20:27You'll be disguised as monks to get you out of the village,
20:30and the plane will pick you up in a field at exactly midnight.
20:34How will we find the field?
20:36René here will be in the procession of monks with you.
20:39He will show you the field.
20:40Right-o. Good show.
20:41But in case you get separated, at about a quarter to midnight,
20:45the procession should pass a footpath by a wayside shrine.
20:49Take that path, and it will lead you to the rendezvous.
20:51Oh, splendid!
20:52Right, let's synchronise watches.
20:56It is exactly 4.30 now.
20:59Got it!
21:00What are you doing?
21:02We are just soncronusing witches.
21:06You will leave the procession of minks at 11.45.
21:11And tick the earmen to the fold.
21:14I am just giving them the teams,
21:16so if something hippens to you, they can go on a loon.
21:20Well, tell them I want those sheets hung out before we go.
21:23He wants the sheets out on the line, chaps.
21:25Wilco, give me a hand, will you, Fairfax?
21:28I keep getting things caught in the mangle.
21:33I will go out the big way, too.
21:36Good lick to knit, Ronnie.
21:39How are we going to prevent the airmen getting to the aircraft before us?
21:43Oh, I know!
21:45I will put the airman's watch back by 10 minutes.
21:47That should confuse them, and they will miss the pass to the field.
21:50Oh, Yvette, that is wicked, wicked!
21:53Better put it back by 20 minutes to be on the safe side.
21:57That's it.
21:58Now, you go upstairs to the attic and collect the monk's costume after I have gone with the airmen.
22:04Then run like hell and join me at the back of the procession.
22:07Oh, Renée! Isn't this exciting?
22:10Oh, I know, I know.
22:12Just think, at midnight we should be flying to England.
22:16Oh, and by dawn, perhaps we will be in heaven.
22:21Or at the bottom of the English Channel.
22:26Here is your supper, Mama.
22:28Oh, it is.
22:30Something funny is going on.
22:32What has happened to my nightcap?
22:35Never mind, Mama.
22:37It is the starch.
22:38It could be useful if there is an air raid.
22:40Who is doing the laundry?
22:42The British Airmen.
22:43Renée has put them to work.
22:45Look at my nightdress.
22:49Everything is so stiff.
22:52Did someone call?
22:54Oh, Mama, something terrible has happened.
22:57Renée is having to flee to England because everybody thinks he is a collaborator.
23:01And are you not going to?
23:02It is not possible, Mama.
23:04In order to avoid the curfew, I would have to dress as a monk, and I have no costume.
23:08What?
23:09That is a monk's costume under my bed.
23:12What?
23:13It was left there by such policeman who speaks, you know, as a little goblet.
23:19But Renée and the Airmen have already left.
23:21Well, go quickly, my child.
23:23I will take charge of the cafe.
23:26Oh, Mama, you are so good.
23:29But I will have to worry if I am to catch them.
23:32Ah, it is.
23:33You have not left me the keys to the drinks cupboard.
23:36Oh, the curse.
23:38Here you are.
23:39Oh.
23:40Goodbye, Mama.
23:41I shall not be long.
23:43Just till the end of the war.
23:45Oh, and Edith, when you get to England, tell that Churchill to get his finger out.
23:55Ernest?
23:56Oh, what is it, Fanny?
23:58Edith has left us in charge of the cafe, and we have the keys to the drinks cupboard.
24:05Oh, that is the best news we have had yet.
24:10Excuse me, Madame Fanny.
24:12What is it?
24:13Have you seen a monk's costume under here?
24:15Yes, Edith has just taken it.
24:17She is going to England.
24:19Oh, my God!
24:22Oh!
24:23Did someone call?
24:50I say, Carstairs, isn't that the holy shrine over there?
24:55Can't be.
24:56The cafe chappy hasn't given us a nod yet.
24:58What time is it?
25:00Twenty-five past eleven.
25:02That's all right, then.
25:03Crabtree said quarter to twelve.
25:05There must be another shrine further on.
25:07Right-o.
25:11Come on, this is it.
25:13Not a word.
25:22Listen.
25:25It is an aeroplane.
25:29Right, girls.
25:30Start pedaling.
25:37Faster, girls. Faster.
25:42There, there. Look.
25:52Airbacks!
25:53Carstairs!
25:54Quickly, chaps!
25:55In you come!
26:16Oh, my darling.
26:18At last we are safe.
26:21Oh, thank you.
26:25I am with you.
26:26Do not worry.
26:27I could not leave you in your hour of need.
26:32Why have you nothing to say?
26:34I am afraid it is my time of silence.
26:38But I am certainly doing a lot of thinking.