- 2 days ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01Things are looking up. We have at last got shot of the British Airmen.
00:04They met a British submarine in the estuary, and by now they will be safely back in England.
00:09There was, of course, a last-minute itch when the periscope of the submarine burst through the bottom of the
00:14rowing boat
00:15containing the Colonel, Lieutenant Gruber and Captain Bertorelli.
00:20They were last seen swimming for the shore.
00:22I will not be to blame. I was a long way from the scene stroking the ladies' rowing eight.
00:29Hmm.
00:30Once I am glad she is here.
00:32Now that the British Airmen have gone, I can tell her that I am finishing with the Resistance once and
00:37for all.
00:38Now, Michel, listen very carefully. I shall say this only once.
00:43I am finished with the Resistance.
00:45The Resistance itself may be finished.
00:47Michel has given me news so grave that I look ten years older.
00:53You always look ten years older.
00:56The Airmen failed to meet the submarine. They have been captured.
01:00Oh, my God. Where are they?
01:02They were apprehended by troops of the Colonel.
01:04If they should crack, they may reveal that we have been hiding them, and then our lives would not be
01:09worth...
01:10That.
01:12You must collect all the money we can find and leave at once.
01:15No.
01:16No.
01:17For the moment you are safe, they are with the army and they will not be ill-treated.
01:21They will reveal only their name, rank and number.
01:24But what if Air Flick should get his hands on them?
01:26Then your cover will be blown.
01:28There will be no time to escape.
01:30Do not worry.
01:31I will make sure you all get suicide pills.
01:35There are German troops marching across the square.
01:38My God, what do we do? What do we do?
01:40Do not lose your head.
01:41What?
01:41They may only be coming to book a table.
01:44With machine guns?
01:47You shall be...
01:47Where was she gone?
01:49I expect she has gone to get the suicide pills.
01:54Renée Artois, you are under arrest.
01:57And you, madame, I have orders to take you to the office of the Colonel Von Strom for interrogation.
02:02Oh, well, it will be nice to see the Colonel again.
02:05Look, do you mind if we just pop into the kitchen, just to get our hats and coats, of course?
02:08Stop! Your servants can bring them. March!
02:12Would you tell your man to be careful where he's putting his schmeiser?
02:20The British Airmen are here.
02:22Good. I've been looking forward to this.
02:25Show them in here.
02:26Grobe, they are prisoners.
02:29You don't show them in.
02:30You send them in!
02:33Send them in here!
02:45You have been arrested paddling a tin bath down the estuary.
02:51We know you are British Airmen.
02:54Now...
02:54What is your name?
02:56What's he saying?
02:57I don't know. I don't speak a word of the language.
03:01No speaking, Jerry.
03:04What does he say?
03:05I have no idea.
03:07Me!
03:08I have the fries book ready for when I lead the invasion of the England.
03:12I ask the questions.
03:14Ask them the names.
03:17What is your nami?
03:21Nami?
03:22I don't have a nami.
03:23I had a nami once.
03:26Nami means mummy.
03:27What is my mummy?
03:29She's in the WVS.
03:31They make soup and things.
03:34What's he saying?
03:35You have lost me, uh...
03:37Mummy, mummy.
03:39Ah.
03:40It mean...
03:41Preserve the body of Egyptian Queen.
03:45It's good.
03:48He's very light-skinned.
03:51We demand to be sent to British Prisoner of War Camp.
03:56Prisoner of War Camp.
03:58Camp, camp.
03:59Ah, yes.
04:02Ah, here it is, sir.
04:04What do you make over this?
04:07Hmm.
04:10The cafe owner and his wife are here.
04:13Ah, good.
04:14This should be interesting.
04:16Bring them in.
04:17Bring them in here!
04:22Stand here where they can see you.
04:24Now.
04:25Ask them if they know these people.
04:27Eh.
04:28Eh.
04:30Do you...
04:31know...
04:32these...
04:33Piopoli?
04:36I think he wants us to identify them.
04:39We...
04:40know...
04:41know...
04:42Piopoli.
04:43He does not know Mrs. Piopoli, either.
04:47This is getting us nowhere.
04:49We will have to find an interpreter.
04:51Lock them in the chateau.
04:53Gruber!
04:53Take them in your little tank.
04:55Yes, Colonel.
04:56Come.
04:58And Gruber!
04:59Yes, Colonel?
05:00Do not let them escape!
05:02Of course, Colonel.
05:03I will keep the Egyptian in the front with me.
05:08May we go now, Colonel?
05:10Yes.
05:10For the time being.
05:12But I hope for your sake that they're telling the truth.
05:15If the general finds you've been hiding them, I will not be able to save you.
05:19Colonel, we know nothing.
05:20I'm sure we would have remembered them if we had seen them before.
05:24Especially in those suits.
05:26Get out!
05:28Get out!
05:28Oh, Colonel, will you be requiring your usual table tonight?
05:31Get out!
05:33I'll take that as a loose no.
05:41General von Klinkerhofen!
05:46Heiliger!
05:48Quite.
05:50Franz Kumpel, Heiliger, you were given this luxurious room in order to seduce Herr Flick of the Gestapo into a
05:57quick marriage.
05:58To enable you to spy on him on our behalf, to track down the resistance who helped the British Airmen
06:04to escape.
06:04You will be aware that our troops have captured the British Airmen, and they are now in the Northeast Tower,
06:10awaiting collection by Army Intelligence Officers from Berlin.
06:13You are therefore no longer required to marry Herr Flick.
06:16Oh, what a relief!
06:18This being the case, you will no longer need the room.
06:20You will vacate it by midday.
06:22Oh, dear!
06:23But I've grown so used to it!
06:29Forgive my salty tears, but I've never been used to such luxury.
06:33Being the daughter of a poor, widowed, Bavarian strudel chopper.
06:39It will be very hard to return to my unsprung, buckle bed above the bakery,
06:45for the heat, and the charcoal fumes, and the B.O. of the bakers.
06:54Do not go on. I, too, will be crying.
06:56You may keep it for one more night.
06:59Oh, General, how can I ever thank you?
07:04Prepare a light dinner for us. I will bring the champagne.
07:19Hey, Flick! Why have you crept up the creeper?
07:23Orders have been given to the guards forbidding my entry,
07:26but nothing could keep me from you.
07:28I have been sleepless ever since you proposed marriage to me.
07:31I accept.
07:33I'm afraid I've changed my mind.
07:36What? Can I believe my ears?
07:39When I was asleep last night on that very bed,
07:43I was suddenly aroused by a prickly feeling.
07:46Where?
07:47All over.
07:49At the end of the bed stood the ghostly figure of a monk.
07:53How do you know it was a monk?
07:54He was wearing robes,
07:56and completely transparent.
07:59The robes?
07:59No, the whole monk.
08:02He pointed at me with his finger,
08:04and he said,
08:06Do not do it!
08:08Do not do it!
08:12What were you doing at the time?
08:15Nothing.
08:15I was transfixed.
08:17Then he crossed to your picture on the table,
08:20pointed at it,
08:21and shook his head like this.
08:27I regard it as an omen.
08:30Your story has sent a shiver down my spine.
08:33I was told once by an old gypsy,
08:35who I was interrogating,
08:37that one day one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse
08:40would knock at my door.
08:41Your story has reminded me of an experience
08:45that has haunted me ever since.
08:47Maybe the knock is nearer than you think.
08:51They are here!
08:52It is von Smallhausen!
08:59Dear Flick, I came at once.
09:01I discovered the general is holding the British airmen in the East Tower.
09:05We must inform Berlin at once.
09:08Come, von Smallhausen!
09:11I am not sure we should pay too much attention to your see-through monk.
09:16If he should appear again, call me at once.
09:18There are one or two questions I should like to ask him.
09:24Herr Flick!
09:25Herr Flick!
09:26There will be more time for the Gestapo in Berlin to act.
09:29Army intelligence officers have been dispatched to collect the British airmen.
09:32They are to be put on the train for Berlin in the morning.
09:35Then we must act tonight.
09:37Come, von Smallhausen, to our quarters.
09:42Keep still, or I shall stick a pin in you.
09:46What is going on in here?
09:48These are the bridesmaids' dresses for the wedding of my mother.
09:51Who is paying for all this?
09:53You are.
09:55It is our responsibility.
09:58Madame Itis, there is something not quite right up here.
10:02It is tight at the bottom and loose at the top.
10:06She must have read the measurements upside down.
10:10Madame Itis will have to completely remake it.
10:12But that will mean more expense.
10:15No, no. I cannot afford it.
10:16Here.
10:17Von Beesie.
10:21Just put a bit of lace on top. It will be all right.
10:23I will not have it.
10:25They will both have to be completely remade.
10:31Winnie, about your eyes.
10:35And stop looking in the mirror.
10:41Good morning.
10:45I did not expect to see a stroke twos.
10:48Behind the screen, photo of you.
10:52Winnie?
10:55I will show my mother her wedding duress.
10:58She will flip her lid.
11:03I hope she does not thonk that I am a pooping Tim.
11:10What do you want?
11:11I have had a massage from Michelle.
11:15You are to tell London that the earmen are being kept in the castle.
11:20He means kept in the castle.
11:23Get on with your dressing.
11:24They are to be rescued and she has a plin.
11:27It will be reviled at a later dot.
11:30As long as the plane does not involve me.
11:33Winnie, it is the time for speaking to London.
11:35Well, I cannot work the mechanism of the new aerial so hard burn.
11:38I can walk the mechanism because I have seen it then.
11:43In that case, you had better follow me.
11:53It is stunning.
11:56Oh, I shall knock them dead.
12:01And now, Mama, about the hymns for the service.
12:04Yes.
12:05I thought, Rock of Ages.
12:07Oh, Ernest would enjoy that.
12:11Love divine, all loves excelling.
12:13How does that go?
12:17Love divine, all loves excelling.
12:20I remember it.
12:23Love divine, all loves excelling.
12:26ations of Lear.
12:27Shut up, oh, we have a tour.
12:30No!
12:31Go!
12:32You said the dog was off.
12:34Why, what?
12:35Jack, move, move.
12:36Shut down.
12:37The constrain.
12:39Well, now.
12:40Why have we brought with you, s'pews?
12:42I have come to walk your rudio.
12:45The controls are in the cupboard.
12:48I will press the liver.
12:50Oh, and I am never to be left in peace.
13:01The Earth is moving!
13:03It has nothing to do with you.
13:08I will now engorge the other swatches.
13:11No, no, Edith, remove the knob.
13:14Oh, oh, oh.
13:17Oh, not again, though.
13:29I hope this does not happen on the honeymoon.
13:32Why not nothing else will happen?
13:37Hello, Nighthawk.
13:38Hello, Nighthawk.
13:39Pass your message.
13:41Where is the code book?
13:44Oh, honey, the mice have eaten it.
13:48Look!
13:49Pass your message.
13:51Pass your message.
13:52Hello, London.
13:54The mice have eaten the code book.
13:55The mice have eaten the code book.
13:57I will look it up.
13:59It is not code.
14:01It means the code book is full of little holes.
14:03We will have to charge you for a new one.
14:06Give it to me.
14:07Jack and Jill are in the nick.
14:10Nighthawks in a funk.
14:11If you call with no reply, it means he's done a bunk.
14:20I'll tell you what, Fairfax.
14:23If you cut our rubber suits up into strips, tie them together into a sort of elastic band, secure them
14:29to the pillow and jump out of the window.
14:31You don't have any clothes on.
14:34Good point.
14:35And if you went running around the countryside without uniforms, we could be shot as spies.
14:39I've got St. Michael on my wife's runs.
14:42Yes.
14:44The Archies are not interested in religion.
14:50Who is this?
14:52We are not open.
14:54Oh, Lieutenant.
14:57Let me in quickly.
14:58I do not wish to be seen visiting you.
15:00Oh, come here, Lenny.
15:04You know that I am very fond of you, so I am about to do something that may seem, as
15:08it were, out of character for a German officer.
15:11I do not suppose it will.
15:20If we are seen, we could be in severe trouble.
15:22Look, do not do anything hasty, Lieutenant.
15:25Why do you not have a cognac while we talk about it?
15:27There is a soldier outside.
15:30Quick, hide behind the bar.
15:32Yvette, we have customers.
15:33Get down.
15:36The British airmen are to be skillfully interrogated in Berlin.
15:40They will reveal that you have been helping them.
15:43But, Lieutenant, I have never admitted it.
15:46René, you and I know each other very well.
15:49I know what you are thinking, and you will know what I am thinking.
15:53This is true, yes.
15:55If they arrest you, they will find out the hiding place of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies by
16:00Van Klomp.
16:02I had forgotten about that.
16:04To this end, I must do something.
16:09Here.
16:10Take these.
16:11They are the keys to the chateau.
16:13Do you wish me to hide in your room?
16:15Only as a last resort.
16:18This one fits the small west door of the chateau.
16:21This one fits the cell in the east tower.
16:24Get your wife to bake a tart.
16:26Hide the keys inside and have it delivered to the airmen.
16:29They are very heavy.
16:31This is why I am ordering the food from you with Madame Edith's pastry.
16:35No one will suspect.
16:37If the airmen could escape, it would be to the benefit of us all.
16:41I will say no more.
16:43René!
16:44What are you doing on the floor, behind the bar, with Lieutenant Gruber?
16:49You stupid woman.
16:52He has come here at great personal risk.
16:55René, I must leave at once.
16:57Yes, go the back way, Lieutenant.
16:59If you are questioned, deny everything.
17:04René?
17:05What is it you are to deny if I ask you a question about it?
17:08He thinks that once in Berlin, the British Airmen will talk and we will all be in trouble.
17:12Now, he has given me these keys.
17:14This one is for the west door of the chateau.
17:16This one is for the cell in the east tower.
17:18You are to put them in a tart.
17:20I will have to make heavier pastry than usual.
17:23That will be quite an event.
17:27Oh, can people not read? We are closed!
17:30It is Michelle!
17:36I have a plan to rescue the Airmen.
17:38We will disguise ourselves as undertakers.
17:40Go to the chateau with two coffins.
17:43Tell the guards that the Airmen have died under interrogation.
17:46The Airmen will get into the coffins and we will carry them out.
17:49What do you think?
17:50What do I think?
17:52This is the most ridiculous suicide mission you have ever come up with, Michelle.
17:56With a cock and bull story like that, we will not even get past the guards.
17:59We do not need to.
18:01We have the key to the back door of the castle and the key to the cell.
18:04Then it is settled.
18:06We move on the chateau tonight.
18:10Big mouth.
18:16Von Smallhausen?
18:18Yes, Sir Flick.
18:21In 30 minutes from now, we are going to the chateau disguised as German officers
18:25to collect the British prisoners.
18:27Why are you not blessed?
18:28I am sorry, Sir Flick.
18:30They had to alter the uniform to my size.
18:33It is promised in 10 minutes.
18:35Go and collect it and meet me at the chateau.
18:37Do not be late.
18:39Yes, Sir Flick.
18:47There is the door.
18:48The coast is clear.
19:01If we are spitted, it will not be oozy to run currying a kiffin.
19:07They will probably end up in a kiffin.
19:27They will probably end up in a kiffin.
19:36You under the wall.
19:37God, you tell, Monsieur, I come from a long line of brave undertaker!
19:41Our honor is sacred.
19:43Your honor!
19:44Stop rabbiting and follow Renée.
19:51See? The key fits.
19:56Sounds like your mother getting out of bed.
20:00They never heard of three-in-one in this chateau.
20:20I can't help you.
20:24You dance divinely, General.
20:26Oh, so do you, Helga.
20:28It must be most unusual for a general to be dancing with a lance corporal.
20:32In wartime, we take what we can get.
20:35My sergeant's stripes still seem a long way of A.
20:39In my estimation, they are about from here to that sofa.
21:02The Hindu came off.
21:07Come on.
21:11What was that noise?
21:13That shirt was nothing important.
21:16Should you not investigate?
21:18Oh, very well.
21:25There is a staircase.
21:26At the top of the staircase is another staircase.
21:29I remember it from when I was a serving girl.
21:32It leads to the East Tower.
21:36What was that noise?
21:39I was dusting.
21:41And I was over a bust.
21:44Of Napoleon.
21:46I have cleaned it up.
21:48Is it not the stove?
21:50Yes, General.
21:51Good night.
21:57I cannot carry a coffin down those stairs with my tricky truss.
22:01I should stay down here as I can't.
22:03I think it is.
22:04I think it is not the truss that is stopping you.
22:06I think you have not the bottle.
22:07You are calling me up the world if they can be fierce.
22:13You have gone too far, monsieur.
22:22Hungry.
22:23Hungry!
22:31Worse.
22:32Stop them, somebody!
22:33They will get us all shot.
22:34What are they doing?
22:35It is a matter of honour.
22:37They both come from noble families.
22:39Noble families? They're all burglars.
22:47Stop it! Stop it!
22:49You will get us all killed.
22:52Oh, those stupid fools.
22:54What are they playing at?
22:55It is a matter of a Frenchman's honour.
22:57You would not understand.
22:59What do you mean, I would not understand?
23:02What do you know about honour?
23:03Flogging your mutton in the sewers of Paris.
23:06Oh!
23:08Ow!
23:15Stop it!
23:19Stop it, everybody!
23:35Stop it, everybody!
23:38Luba, what's all this Rampus?
23:40It is all right, Coronel.
23:42Just the guards indulging in a little horseplay.
23:45Make sure it doesn't disturb the general.
23:47He will not easily be disturbed.
24:01I'm sorry I am late, Herr Flick.
24:03They were still sewing on my medals.
24:05How dare you wear the uniform of a field marshal?
24:08He was the only one that fitted.
24:10Try to be inconspicuous.
24:17Point.
24:18My name is Captain Heisengerkin.
24:20I am here to collect the British airmen.
24:22Let me pass.
24:23I'm sorry.
24:24I cannot admit anybody of a rank less than major.
24:28How about a field marshal?
24:31Yes, field marshal.
24:33For me, Captain Heisengerkin.
24:41Michelle, I have just heard somebody moving about upstairs.
24:43Let us get out of here while we still can.
24:46We cannot yet abandon our mission.
24:47We will hide downstairs until all goes quiet.
25:10Let us get out of here while we still can.
25:18I hate your sentence.
25:34Huber, what is going on?
25:36Nothing of which I am aware, General.
25:39Huber, what is all this noise?
25:46Who are these officers?
25:48I do not know.
25:49I am very confused.
25:55Stand aside for Field Marshal von Krakenfahrt.
25:59You are not Field Marshal von Krakenfahrt.
26:02You are in the poster.
26:03Pull out the guard!
26:04Pull out the guard!
26:06Pull out the guard!
26:08Pull out the guard!
26:10They are calling out the guard.
26:12Let us go, huh?
26:16Wait for mood!
26:19Thank you!
26:20Thank you!
26:20What?
26:21What?
26:21What?
26:23What?