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00:04You would not believe how exciting things have been getting here in Nouvion.
00:08Yesterday we had a visit from none other than the dreaded Hitler himself.
00:12And Göring, his sidekick, they were inspecting the German troops in the town.
00:17My small waitress Mimi, she volunteered to crawl down a drain and plant a bomb under their car.
00:25But as luck would have it, she accidentally planted the bomb under the old car that Edith had just bought
00:29me for my birthday.
00:32We were going to go for a spin to relive the memories of our courting days, but a big bang
00:37surprised us.
00:39Fortunately, it was not a very powerful bomb, so we both emerged unearthed.
00:43Well, well, almost.
00:45Delayed shock has affected my wife's voice, and she is uncertain whether she will be able to sing in the
00:50cafe for several days.
00:52So, as they say, every cloud does have a silver lining.
00:58I have given Madame Fanny a lentil soup.
01:00Ah, good.
01:01Oh, Renée, at last I have a moment to talk to you alone.
01:04Oh, hold me.
01:06Oh, Yvette.
01:07Oh, Renée, my whole body is trembling with different emotions.
01:12Can you not feel them?
01:14Yes.
01:16Even through my apron.
01:19Oh, Renée.
01:20What?
01:21If you'd have been killed in that explosion, our child would have been born fatherless.
01:26Oh, calm yourself, Yvette.
01:28I was not hurt.
01:29I just lost the seat of my trousers and some small change.
01:33I have spoken with the priest again about us marrying in secret,
01:37and he was optimistic that permission would be given whenever convenient.
01:41Well, after the war is over would be convenient.
01:44Oh, but that could be months away.
01:46Oh, our child must be born in wedlock.
01:49Otherwise, think of the shame.
01:50I am, but you must not hurry these things, Yvette.
01:54It is most unsettling to be blown up on your birthday when you are in your late thirties.
02:00Well, what are you doing with that servant girl in your arms?
02:06You stupid woman!
02:08Can you not see that this poor child is still traumatised from yesterday's explosion?
02:13Yes, go upstairs, Yvette, and lie down in the room, in the bedroom, until you are feeling better.
02:18Oh, thank you, René.
02:20Oh, I am sorry, René.
02:22I have not got over that bang.
02:24The gear stick went through the brim of my hat.
02:27God must have been watching over me.
02:29Yes.
02:30How we knew it was you under that hat will always be a mystery to me.
02:34Oh, by the way, how is your voice?
02:35Oh, I have been gargling with a herb tonic, but I do not think I am up to singing in
02:39the cafe this evening.
02:41Oh.
02:41Oh, listen.
02:42Oh.
02:42Oh, stop, stop.
02:45You might lose it altogether.
02:47You must not sing tonight, Edith.
02:48I do hope the customers will not mind.
02:51Oh, I am sure they will find a way to hide their disappointment.
02:55René, René, Michelle, the resistance wants to speak to you urgently.
02:59Oh, what now?
03:03Listen very carefully.
03:04I shall say this on nuance.
03:06Hitler and Göring are still at the chateau.
03:08We have blessed explosives on the bridge over the river on the main road out of town.
03:12When Hitler and Göring drive over the bridge to return to Berlin, my girls will blow them up.
03:17Oh, what brains, Michelle.
03:19Where is the nitroglycerine I left here for safekeeping?
03:22It is in a gin bottle behind the bar.
03:25I will get it.
03:25Yes, come.
03:27But it is not here.
03:28Not there.
03:29The gin bottle.
03:29But the nitroglycerine, the gin bottle is not...
03:31Well, it is lucky we have enough explosives to blow the bridge over the river.
03:34But it is open countryside, Michelle.
03:36Where will you wait to set them off?
03:38Even as we speak, my girls are underwater in the river,
03:41breathing through straws with their hands on their plungers.
03:45No way not shrivel up.
03:47They are taking it in turns.
03:49Besides, my girls are the toughest resistance fighters in all of France.
03:53They can withstand any urge.
03:55Oh, Michelle!
03:56Michelle!
03:57What is it, Annette?
03:58You are supposed to be submerged until further orders.
04:01I couldn't take it anymore.
04:02Well, what is the matter?
04:03I have frogs in my knickers!
04:07Oh, my God!
04:08That is awful!
04:10I thought your girls could withstand any hardship.
04:13Well, even the toughest resistance fighter would crack with frogs in her knickers.
04:17I wouldn't.
04:18And I've had frogs in my knickers.
04:20Annette, I will find a substitute for you.
04:23And meanwhile, go home and extricate the frogs.
04:26No, no!
04:27One moment.
04:27I have a better idea.
04:28Mimi, take Agnet into the kitchen and remove the frogs from her.
04:36How very thoughtful of you, Remy.
04:38I shall rewrite tonight's menu.
04:40I shall make the special.
04:42Frog's legs in butter and garlic.
04:50I cannot drink this lentil soup.
04:53It gives me terrible wind.
04:59Did you get the gin, Ernest?
05:01I stole this from under the bar last night.
05:04They will never notice it has gone.
05:09You used to call that cocktail a volcano.
05:16Too much gin and it could take the top right off your head.
05:21I will give it a good shake, Fanny.
05:24Like I used to when I was an handsome young barman at Madame Courtesan's.
05:29Then I could shake all right.
05:40I think we had better take that lentil soup off the menu.
05:45What worries me, Coronel, is we have not heard any more from the resistance about their blackmail demand.
05:52What if they send that incriminating photograph of me holding the fall of Madonna to the general without telling us?
05:58Then we'll be even deeper in the doodah.
06:01I wonder if we could somehow contact the resistance and stall them.
06:07But how?
06:09Well, tell them we are still trying to raise the ten million francs ransom and delay things until Juan Garcia
06:15arrives to take us to Spain.
06:16It's a straw, but let's clutch at it.
06:19How do we get in touch with the resistance?
06:22There is René at the cafe.
06:25Go and see him, Gryptin.
06:27And give him a million francs as a down payment for the resistance to show them we are acting in
06:33good faith.
06:34An excellent delaying tactic.
06:41Colonel, I must speak to you urgently.
06:49What is it, Helga?
06:51I have learned that Herr Flick and von Smallhausen are still locked in the dungeons of the Chateau.
06:56Clearly the exploding knop-first sausage I gave them to aid their escape did not work.
07:00It did.
07:01But instead of blowing out the bars of Flick's cell, it blew up the doubles of Hitler and Goering.
07:07Which is why the Coronel and I had to take their place for the salute.
07:12Remember this?
07:14It was you?
07:16I was too far away to recognize you.
07:18But I must say, I thought you looked very masterful in the FĂŒhrer's uniform.
07:22The FĂŒhrer is always masterful!
07:25I wanted to run across the square and kiss you passionately.
07:29That moustache is taking you over.
07:31Remove it.
07:31Sorry.
07:33Colonel, if we do not get Herr Flick out of the dungeon,
07:36he will tell the general that we robbed the garrison pay truck.
07:39God, I've forgotten.
07:42Helga!
07:42You!
07:44Helga, you must go and see Herr Flick.
07:46Tell him that we are contacting his godfather, Heinrich Himmler, to get him released.
07:51I've already been to see him twice.
07:53There's a tart and a nun.
07:55What can I go as this time?
07:57You'll think of something.
07:59Oh, and Helga, don't take him any more explosives.
08:04Goober and I may be called to the chateau to play our roles.
08:06We don't want to be blown up.
08:08Especially by a knuck-warned sausage!
08:15Ah, good morning, Lieutenant.
08:18Good morning, René.
08:19I wonder if I might have a private word with you.
08:22Of course, Lieutenant.
08:24Come to the bar.
08:27René, I will be very direct with you.
08:30I have one million francs in my trousers.
08:34I want you to do something for me.
08:38I am rather busy at the moment, Lieutenant.
08:42Please, René, I only want you to do me a favor.
08:46Must be a big one.
08:49It is only a small one, I assure you.
08:53I want you to contact the resistance for me.
08:56But I do not know the resistance.
08:58And I believe you, René.
09:01But they have a compromising photograph of me
09:04which they have threatened to send to the general
09:05if I do not pay them a ransom of ten million francs.
09:08No, that is awful, Lieutenant.
09:10It is rather distressing.
09:12Now, if no one is looking, I will produce it for you.
09:16No one is looking.
09:21Now, you take the one million francs
09:24which I would like you somehow to give to the people
09:27who you do not know in the resistance.
09:29Tell them I am trying to raise the rest of the money,
09:32but I need more time.
09:33A few days, at least.
09:34Well, I will do my best, Lieutenant.
09:36Thank you, René.
09:37I will be eternally grateful.
09:39Oh, and remember,
09:41if there is ever anything I can do for you in return,
09:44let me know.
09:47I cannot think of anything at the moment.
09:57René, the soup is ready for you to taste.
09:59Yes, I am coming.
10:00Here, take this.
10:01It is half a million francs from Lieutenant Gruber.
10:04Make sure that Michelle gets it if she comes in.
10:06It is the down payment on her ransom demand.
10:13Yes, Madame, it is.
10:15Mimi,
10:16give this quarter of a million francs
10:18from Lieutenant Gruber to Michelle when she comes in.
10:21It is down payment on the ransom.
10:25It would take years for an honest working girl to earn this.
10:29Lucky I'm a tart.
10:32Go upstairs and see to the bed.
10:34Yes, Madame Edith.
10:36Mimi, you go up and help her.
10:39Madame Edith,
10:40here is 125,000 francs
10:42for Michelle from Lieutenant Gruber.
10:44It is down payment on the ransom.
10:52Ah, Michelle, just the person.
10:54Lieutenant Gruber left the 62,500 francs for you
10:57as down payment on the ransom.
11:0062,500 francs?
11:02Spin money.
11:03They will have to do better than that.
11:04If anyone wants me,
11:05I shall be at the addresses.
11:14Ah, back again, Lieutenant.
11:16I have just been soup tasting.
11:17So I see from your time.
11:19Renée,
11:20I have had second thoughts.
11:22I cannot ask you to take the risk
11:24of contacting the resistance for me.
11:26I will try to deal with them myself.
11:28So I will take the one million francs back.
11:32I will try to get it for you, Lester.
11:34Please, take a seat.
11:36Yvette!
11:38Yvette!
11:39Yes, Renée?
11:41Give me the half a million francs I just gave you.
11:43I only have quarter of a million.
11:45I gave the rest to Mimi.
11:48Mimi!
11:50I spread it around for safekeeping.
11:51Yes, thank you.
11:53Where is the quarter of a million francs
11:55that Yvette just gave you?
11:56I only have half.
11:57I gave 125,000 francs to Madame Edith.
12:01Oh, God.
12:02Edith!
12:04They do not know what it is for,
12:05so your secret is safe.
12:08Where is the 125,000 francs
12:09that Mimi gave you?
12:11I only have 62,500 francs.
12:14I gave the other half to Michelle.
12:16Is everything all right, Renée?
12:18Oh, yes, Lieutenant.
12:19Everything is under control.
12:22I have to give all the money back to Lieutenant Gruber.
12:24What are we going to do now?
12:25We shall have to make it up out of the tin.
12:27What?
12:37Nearly there, Lieutenant.
12:39We're just getting the rest out of the safe.
12:41Is there a problem?
12:43Rather an old combination, yes.
12:47Here we are, Lieutenant.
12:49One million francs exactly.
12:51Thank you, Renée.
12:53Um, cover me, will you?
13:02Thank you, Renée.
13:03I hope I haven't caused you too much trouble.
13:06Not at all, no.
13:12That has just cost us 62,500 francs.
13:14Can I trust no one in this place?
13:16Is it not lucky I had that money down my stocking top?
13:20Oh, Renée.
13:21Where would you be without me?
13:24Africa.
13:29Monty!
13:30Monty!
13:31Oh, Monty!
13:34Ernie.
13:35My Ernie.
13:36Make the most of it.
13:38For they are going to be shot in the morning.
13:41Oh, Monty.
13:42I wanted you to be so proud of me when I grew up.
13:46I will be.
13:49Now, for a shock.
13:55Yes, it is I, Helga.
13:58Helga?
13:59I wonder if I want to marry you after all.
14:03If that is how you are going to look,
14:04I will have to take a rain check.
14:06We are trying to contact your Uncle Heine
14:08to ask him to use his influence to get you released.
14:11We have not a minute to lose.
14:13I will contact Uncle Heine myself.
14:15But how?
14:16You are in a cell.
14:21This key is for my secret dungeon.
14:24Go there immediately,
14:25and you will find in the cupboard
14:27a special Gestapo homing pigeon
14:29who answers to the name Boris.
14:32Bring him to me here,
14:33and I will send a personal message to Uncle Heine.
14:36He will recognize my handwriting
14:37and act at once.
14:38How will I get the pigeon into you?
14:41Smuggle him in at the bottom of a basket of fruit.
14:44Boris is a trained bird,
14:46part of a crack Gestapo unit.
14:48He will not make any noise.
14:50I will do as you say, Heflick.
14:51But may I kiss you first?
14:53Looking like that, you must be joking.
14:56Senior Gestapo officers,
14:58do not kiss geriatric old croons.
15:00Junior vans are not so fussy.
15:05Oh, good moaning.
15:07Good moaning.
15:11I have a massage from Michelle.
15:15We need to moak a more piffle bottery
15:19to broadcast our propaganda.
15:22We need lid and isid for the new bottery.
15:25Now, are you going to get those?
15:27Monsieur Alphins has the isid,
15:29and we are going to stew the lid
15:30from the roof of the peerish chooch.
15:33Chooch?
15:35He means church.
15:38Monsieur Alphins and I
15:40and your two watresses
15:41will go into the chooch
15:42disguised as ball ringers.
15:48Ball ringers?
15:50I think he means bell ringers.
15:54Let us hope he does.
15:57Yvette and Mimi will ring the balls
16:01while Monsieur Alphins and I
16:03stool the lid.
16:04The noise of the balls
16:06will disqueeze the sound of him
16:08bonging with his hammer.
16:12When the balls bing,
16:14he will bong.
16:17Why are you telling us this?
16:19We need you and Madame Edith
16:21to be leak-outs.
16:23I am being a leak-out for no one.
16:27But you missed Ronnie.
16:29Oh, would you and Madame Edith
16:30prefer to be at the brodge
16:32wetting under with her?
16:34No, we would not like that.
16:36I might get frogs in my knickers.
16:38The shock could be fatal.
16:40Yes.
16:41There could be dead frogs
16:43from here to Avenue.
16:46What happens if someone comes along
16:48when we are look-outs?
16:50Blee this special wassail to warn us.
16:54It makes a nose like an eel
16:56in the mooting season.
16:58What?
17:00A noise like an owl
17:02in the mating season.
17:04Lawson.
17:16Well, back to the drawing board.
17:19General von Klinkerhofen.
17:25Hi, Hitler.
17:26Hi, Hitler.
17:27Take these uniforms.
17:28You must once again dress up
17:30as the FĂŒhrer and Field Marshal Goering.
17:32Oh, are we going to inspect
17:34the troops again, General?
17:35No.
17:37Today is the day
17:37the real doubles
17:38were due to leave
17:39the area for Berlin.
17:41As they were blown up
17:42and are currently under my bed
17:43wrapped in blankets,
17:44this will not be easy for them.
17:46You must take their places.
17:48General, surely we don't have to go
17:49all the way to Berlin.
17:51Of course not.
17:52I will disguise myself
17:54as your driver.
17:55I can trust no one else.
17:57Hitler and Goering
17:58must be seen
17:58leaving the Chateau
17:59so we cannot be implicated
18:00in this blunder.
18:02We will drive
18:03to the other side
18:03of the bridge
18:04which is outside
18:05my jurisdiction
18:06and the bodies
18:07which we will have placed
18:08in the boot of the car
18:09will then be blown up.
18:11This way,
18:11no blame can fall on us
18:13for failing to protect
18:14our glorious leaders.
18:15A particularly ingenious plan, General.
18:19I know.
18:21We'll report to the Chateau
18:22at 8 o'clock this evening.
18:26In a way,
18:27I am sorry
18:28we are not going to Berlin.
18:31Just imagine it.
18:35The whole city
18:36lining the streets
18:39shouting and weaving
18:41and serving the Red Leader
18:43and then into the bunker
18:45for a quick snog with Ava.
18:48You're right.
18:50The danger does
18:51outweigh the excitement.
18:55This basket of fruit
18:57was delivered for you.
18:59Excellent.
19:01Helga has smuggled in
19:02Boris the humming pigeon.
19:04He will fly to
19:05Uncle Heine in Berlin
19:06with my message.
19:08There was a pigeon too.
19:10We cooked it for you.
19:36A tree appears to have fallen
19:38across the road.
19:39We will have to move it.
19:41I don't like it, General.
19:43It could be an ambush.
19:45Nonsense.
19:45There's nothing to worry about.
19:47Apart from which
19:47I am a crack shot.
19:58Unfortunately,
19:58I can see nothing to shoot at.
20:00So we better make a run, Fred.
20:02Light the fuse
20:02on the explosives, Gruber.
20:03We must destroy
20:04the bodies in the boot
20:05at all costs.
20:08Now, let's get out of here.
20:25On your feet,
20:26you Nazi swine,
20:27or I will shoot you
20:28where you are.
20:31My God.
20:33It is it long
20:34going in the flesh.
20:35This is a glorious day
20:37for the communist
20:37resistance fighters.
20:39Actually,
20:40I think we ought
20:41to point out
20:41that we are not really...
20:43Silence!
20:44If you had just been
20:45all the Norwich generals,
20:46we would have shot you
20:47on the spot.
20:48But you are too important
20:49to die.
20:51Yet.
20:52Move it!
20:55After you, Hitler.
20:56No!
20:57After you,
20:58girlie!
21:12Are you ready
21:13to stand leak out,
21:14Madame Edith?
21:15Ronnie?
21:17Yes.
21:17We are ready,
21:18Officer Crabtree.
21:19Have you the teals,
21:20Monsieur Alphins?
21:21I have my hammer
21:22and chisel
21:23for prizing the lid
21:24of the church roof.
21:26Then we will climb
21:27up to the Balfrey,
21:28follow Moo.
21:33I hope they get a move
21:35and we will die
21:36of the cold out here.
21:38Let me give you
21:38a hug, Benny.
21:40That will keep us warm.
21:41That is a very nice
21:43thought, Edith.
21:44But we are supposed
21:45to be keeping watch.
21:46I will just blow
21:47on my hands instead.
21:51Good evening.
21:52Good evening, Father.
21:54Are you waiting
21:55for confession?
21:56No.
21:57We have been visiting
21:57the grave of my dead
21:58brother.
21:59Very well.
22:00Just a moment.
22:01I recognize your voice.
22:03You are Mr. X,
22:05are you not?
22:05You came to see me
22:06in the confessional
22:07about a secret marriage.
22:08Well,
22:09many people sound
22:10like me.
22:11It is you.
22:12I have a good ear
22:14for voices.
22:15I have excellent news.
22:16I saw the bishop
22:17this afternoon.
22:18He has given me
22:19permission to marry you.
22:20Is this the woman
22:21you love,
22:22the brave resistance
22:23fighter?
22:24Who else?
22:26I understand you two
22:27are to be known
22:27only as X.
22:29Well,
22:29I am his X
22:31since he is already
22:32officially dead.
22:33Come inside,
22:34my brave ones,
22:35and I will marry you now.
22:37Oh, no.
22:38It's really good.
22:39Wait.
22:41You are a devil.
22:42You have fixed up
22:44for us to be married
22:45in secret.
22:45How wonderful.
22:48I know I should have
22:49discussed this
22:49with you first,
22:50Edith.
22:50Let us talk about it.
22:52No.
22:53Let us do it now.
22:54After all this time,
22:56with all the villagers
22:57thinking that we are
22:58living together
22:59outside of marriage,
23:01at last you are
23:02doing the decent thing.
23:04Do not turn your back
23:05on the doorway
23:06of happiness.
23:07Not forgetting funerals.
23:09I think there has been
23:10a slight misunderstanding.
23:11Oh, surely you were
23:12not thinking of marrying
23:13somebody else in secret,
23:15were you?
23:16What a thought.
23:18Then let us steal
23:19the bond now.
23:20Well, it will not take long.
23:22Come inside.
23:23Oh, René.
23:25I am so happy.
23:27What luck that we were
23:29happy to be here tonight.
23:31Oh, come.
23:32It does not God move
23:33in mysterious ways.
23:34He's not the only one.
23:37I will do a log-up,
23:39Monsieur Alphonse.
23:42I feel like the
23:43Hinchbock of Notre Dame.
23:46You can start
23:47wringing the balls now.
23:50I will go first.
23:56Here, let me help you.
24:02I have a broom-woove.
24:23Come on, I will pill you.
24:37This is a special short
24:39ceremony for use
24:40in wartime.
24:41The bishop has agreed
24:42that we can dispense
24:43with the neutral witnesses
24:44and that your names
24:45can be kept secret
24:46because of your work
24:47for the Resistance.
24:49Are you ready?
24:49Oh, yes, Father.
24:51I suppose so.
24:54Do you, Miss X,
24:56take this, Mr. X,
24:58to be your lawful
24:58wedded husband
24:59through danger
25:00and adversity,
25:02through poverty
25:02and pillage,
25:03through the risks
25:04of fighting alone
25:05and unknown
25:05until certain deaths
25:07do you part?
25:09Say, I do.
25:10I'd forgotten
25:11how brave I was.
25:12I do.
25:14Do you, Mr. X,
25:25say, I do.
25:29Craig, what is happened?
25:31Quick, say, I do,
25:32so we are married.
25:33It is too late, Edith.
25:35It would not be legal.
25:37He is supposed
25:38to hear the I do's.
25:39We cannot go against
25:40the divine laws
25:41of the church.
25:42He is out for the count.
25:44Should I try
25:45the kiss of life?
25:46He is a priest.
25:47He is not allowed.
25:49You know,
25:50you were right, Edith.
25:51God does move
25:52in mysterious ways.