- 2 days ago
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😹
FunTranscript
00:04Hey, Mike, why don't you relax?
00:07It's Saturday night. Why are you working so hard?
00:09Hey, there are no Saturday nights in my life, Pally.
00:11Only advertising proposals for the magazine
00:13due Monday and nothing else exists in my world.
00:15Hey, look what's on.
00:18Topless cheerleaders on the moon.
00:23Quentin time!
00:30Women look very good without gravity.
00:35Don't move.
00:38Mr. Kelcher, jokes. Mr. Kelcher, divorce. Mr. Kelcher, divorce.
00:40Taylor, how are you? When I say you, I mean me.
00:43Am I happy with your proposal?
00:44Thrilled, sir.
00:45When thrilled?
00:46Monday.
00:46Thrill me tomorrow.
00:47Huh?
00:48The magazine's biggest advertiser's leaving for London tomorrow night.
00:50I need your proposal tomorrow afternoon.
00:52I could have called, but I figured coming here in person
00:55would scare the hell out of you.
00:56Yeah, well, the hell is scared out of me, sir.
00:57Now, you, Harris, where is this statue
01:00you're supposed to be working on for the magazine cover?
01:03It's right over there, Mr. Kelcher, and it's just about done.
01:05Ooh, I like it.
01:07Know why?
01:08Tell me why.
01:10Well, because that symbolizes the dance
01:12that the country's doing to balance the budget.
01:14That's clever.
01:15You're clever, Harris.
01:17And I'm probably not paying you enough, am I?
01:19Well, no, sir, you're not.
01:21Good. That makes me clever, too.
01:24So, I'll finish the statue.
01:26Ah, sculpture.
01:27Huh?
01:28Ah, you keep saying statues.
01:30Statues are in the park, you know,
01:30with pigeons sitting on their head.
01:32That's a sculpture.
01:33Oh, yeah?
01:34Knock, knock, Harris.
01:35Who's there?
01:36I don't give a damn his who.
01:38I'm looking for that proposal tomorrow,
01:40which I assume you'll get right on it
01:42after the naked stewardess has finished the moon jog
01:44and head to Venus for the beach scene.
01:47Uh-huh.
01:48Right.
01:51Great.
01:51This is great.
01:52So now, now he thinks he's been watching
01:53trashy movies all night.
01:54He...
01:56This actress is very good.
01:59What else did we see her in?
02:01Desperate women on skates.
02:03Oh, yeah.
02:04I cried.
02:09Hey, kids.
02:12Hey, kids.
02:13Hey.
02:15Hey.
02:18Have a nice time?
02:21Had a very nice time.
02:25Everything is, uh, fine here also.
02:28Shelby will be spending the night,
02:30and that, too, will be fine with her parents.
02:33Hey, Nick.
02:34How about a little hello kiss for your dad, huh?
02:40Hey, wait a minute.
02:43What about your other dad?
02:50What do you think, Michael?
02:52I detect the undeniable bouquet of Listerine,
02:55enhanced by the spicy nuance of banaca,
02:59intertwined with, uh,
03:0130 to 40 Tic Tacs.
03:04Yeah.
03:06Just enough to cover that, uh,
03:07unmistakable one-of-a-kind aroma of, uh,
03:09what do you call that?
03:10What do you call that beer?
03:22You can count on me
03:25No matter what you do
03:27You can count on me
03:29No matter where you go
03:32Standing by your side
03:34I'll be right behind
03:36I'll be right behind
03:36No one loves you more than I do
03:39Put your hand in mine
03:41I can see a part of me
03:44I can see a part of me in you
03:46A little something special
03:48That comes shining through
03:50I hear it in your laughter
03:53And I feel it when you cry
03:55I will be right there for you
03:58Until the day I die
04:00You can count on me
04:04No matter what you do
04:06You can count on me
04:09No matter where you go
04:11You can count on me
04:16Drinking beer already, huh?
04:18One glass of beer
04:19Really not a very big deal
04:20In front of my friends, please
04:21It's too soon for this
04:23It's too soon for this
04:24You said that you were going over
04:25Corey's house to study
04:26It started that way
04:27But I didn't know that
04:28Corey's mother wasn't home
04:29And there was a party in the house
04:31Corey's brother
04:32Oh, Roy?
04:33Isn't it always Roy?
04:35Hey, I'm sorry
04:36I don't buy that
04:37Roy and his friends
04:37Were a lot older than you guys
04:38Why?
04:39Why would he let you in
04:40On one of their parties?
04:41They were drunk
04:43But Roy wasn't too drunk
04:45To remember his responsibility
04:46What responsibility?
04:48To drive us home
04:52You don't move
04:56Hey, calmly, calmly
04:59Hey, here's a behavior tip
05:02You count to ten
05:03Whenever you find yourself
05:04In a potentially explosive
05:06Emotional state
05:08Count to ten, huh?
05:10Okay
05:10One, you gave liquor to minors
05:13Two, you were driving
05:15Under the influence
05:16Three through ten
05:17I'll kill you
05:19What's the problem?
05:20They only had a couple
05:21Of glasses of beer
05:26You said one glass
05:27Yes, although it's possible
05:29I may have refilled it
05:33Guys, look
05:34Obviously, the three of us
05:36Are big influences
05:36On the kids here
05:38The way I figure it
05:40Cory's either gonna learn
05:41About brew on the streets
05:43Or from his older brother
05:46Why else am I here
05:47But to teach?
05:50Well, there's a scary
05:51Thought of the year
05:53Oh, yeah
05:54Better he learn
05:54From somebody caring enough
05:56To down a few cold ones
05:57Put him in a car
05:58And make him a highway statistic
06:00Yeah, I could hold my beer, all right?
06:02Come on, Cory
06:03Hey, give me my keys
06:04Hey, you're taking a cab
06:05The hell I am
06:06Then you're taking a hearse
06:09Gee, I'm touched by the gesture
06:12However
06:13I find it imprudent
06:15To carry cash
06:16In this highly dangerous city
06:18Here
06:23Here
06:23Here
06:28You guys don't hate me now, right?
06:29Go home, Cory
06:30Okay
06:35Hey, remember
06:36Don't take the car
06:37You'll kill yourself
06:42Dads, everything's fine here
06:43There's no problem
06:44And there's no reason
06:45To blow this all out of proportion
06:47Oh, are we gonna blow this
06:48All out of proportion, Michael?
06:49Oh, yeah
06:52You know, I read the beer bottle
06:53And it said it was just
06:54Made of grains and water
06:55If it weren't for the alcohol
06:57It'd be a health food
07:02Sit down
07:07What, what is that?
07:10What?
07:10What is that side
07:12And
07:13Thing
07:13What is that?
07:14For Shelby's benefit?
07:15Like, you're embarrassed
07:16About the fact
07:17That we're concerned about you?
07:19Hey, Shelby
07:19We're concerned about Nicole
07:21Is that okay with you?
07:22Uh-huh
07:22Huh?
07:23Okay, good
07:23Then we can go on
07:25I just never thought
07:26We'd hear this from you guys
07:27I mean, my parents
07:29I expect this from
07:30But I expected you guys
07:31To be a little cooler
07:32Hey, cool
07:34Is not defined
07:35By our being okay
07:36With you drinking
07:37Not that we wouldn't
07:38Like to be cool
07:38As a matter of fact
07:39Given the choice
07:40Between being cool
07:41And sounding like
07:43Somebody's father
07:43Who says
07:44Hey, you know
07:44Kids who drink
07:45They die a lot
07:46Frankly, I take cool
07:47Every time
07:48Except this time
07:49Because I am concerned
07:50About you
07:51I am worried about you
07:52I can't be cool
07:53When I'm worried
07:54You want me to be cool
07:55Don't make me worry
07:56And don't tell us
07:56Not to blow this out of proportion
07:57Kiddo
07:58Because we're fathers
07:58That's what we do
07:59But you said
08:00That you tried beer
08:01When you were our age
08:02Isn't it natural
08:03That we try it now too?
08:04Yeah, yeah
08:05That's natural
08:06Yeah, and so is this
08:08You come home like this again
08:09You're not gonna know
08:10What the outside of your room
08:11Looks like
08:11Do you understand me?
08:14Yeah
08:15It's a hard one
08:16To misinterpret
08:19Are we all still in love here?
08:24Yeah
08:25Yeah
08:31I'm sorry, dads
08:40Okay
08:43Okay
08:45It's not okay
08:46Hey, she didn't hear
08:47A thing we said
08:49Every word we said
08:50Went right through
08:50Her entire head
08:51Out the other ear
08:52And slid onto the couch
08:53We'll find him there
08:53Next time we vacuum
08:55Yeah, that's because
08:56It's a bunch of garbage
08:57It didn't work on us
08:57It's not gonna work on her
08:58I don't know what to say
08:59It's more effective
09:01Tell her that drinking
09:01Makes you fat
09:02See, and then we take
09:03All her genes to the tailor
09:04We take a minute inch
09:06Well, you could say
09:07That more teenage kids
09:08Are killed by drinking
09:09In car crashes
09:10Than by anything else
09:11But that won't work
09:12Because who wants
09:13To hear that?
09:15Or you could say
09:15That drinking makes kids
09:17Lose all their interests
09:18Until they really don't care
09:19About anything anymore
09:20And it would make
09:21Absolutely no difference
09:22Because words don't work
09:24Aren't you a bright
09:25Sunshiny day
09:27I remember I came home
09:29Drunk once
09:29And the old man
09:30Gave me the big speech
09:32I never listened
09:33Then just before
09:34My high school
09:35Homecoming game
09:35I had a couple beers
09:37You know, to steady my nerves
09:38What?
09:38You forgot a few plays?
09:40I forgot my cup
09:45In the very first play
09:48I was struck by the meaning
09:49Of my father's words
09:54Yeah, then what happened?
09:56Then I joined a choir
10:01All right, so what do we do?
10:02I mean, do we ground her
10:03Or what?
10:04Ground her?
10:05I throw them in prison
10:06And they keep coming back
10:07For more
10:09You're gonna sentence her
10:10To her little pink room
10:11And her stuffed animals?
10:12Let me know if that's a deterrent
10:14I could revolutionize
10:16The penal system
10:17Yeah, you can talk forever
10:19But in the end
10:20It's you against peer pressure
10:23It's us against that side
10:25That attitude
10:25Yeah, but what else do we do
10:27Besides talk to her?
10:35Everything was delicious, boys
10:38I'd help you clean up
10:39But I don't do that
10:41You guys didn't eat a thing
10:43Yeah, well, uh
10:45We wanted to leave room
10:50What's this?
10:51Eh, you know
10:53Water and grains
10:55You know, if it weren't for the alcohol
10:56This would be health food
11:05Oh, I'm in better shape already
11:19No ice, no twist
11:21Just drink
11:21I can't drink unless there's
11:23Pleasant but meaningless conversation
11:25You know, I remember
11:26When the Beatles
11:27Just drink it
11:35Okay, sign in
11:37Come on, what are you guys doing?
11:39I've never seen you drink like this
11:41What are you guys really up to?
11:43Nothing
11:44That's it
11:45Two dads, one bottle
11:47And you're the lucky daughter
11:47Gets to see how cool we can be
11:49But I only had beer
11:51Only beer?
11:53Only beer
11:54A common phrase generally used
11:57Just before your head
11:58Goes through the windshield
12:00Why not say
12:01Only scotch?
12:03Because one beer
12:04Is equal to one ounce of scotch
12:06Which
12:06Isn't that a coincidence?
12:08It's just what your dads are drinking
12:09Yeah, I chose this
12:11Because I wanted something
12:11That would not only get me drunk
12:12But could also take the paint
12:13Off my intestines
12:17But I didn't drink
12:18Anywhere near as much as you
12:19They're twice your size, Nicole
12:22One for you is two for them
12:24Hey, Judge
12:25Two drinks, I get very charming
12:28I get into my Clark Gable
12:30Personality thing
12:31Which no woman
12:31Has ever been able to resist
12:33Don't breathe near me
12:38See?
12:39What's the matter with this?
12:40I like having fun like this
12:41Hey, that's the attraction, Nick
12:48Michael, I think you spelled your name wrong
12:50What's wrong with it?
12:52Says, Bess Meyerson
12:55So, someone else using that?
13:00Michael seems a little bit more drunk than Joey
13:03Some people hold it better than others
13:05Wow!
13:06I feel good
13:08Like the mood yet I would
13:12I feel good
13:13Some just think they hold it better
13:15Who's like the shit that I'm still
13:18So nice
13:19So nice
13:21I got a hit
13:24Damn it
13:25Damn it
13:27Damn it
13:30That's my favorite piece of yours
13:33Really?
13:34Really?
13:35Now
13:35Oh, that's funny
13:39That's funny
13:39Hey, I'm telling you, Mikey
13:40I'm getting sick and tired of you putting down my work
13:43Hey, I love your work
13:44I just
13:45What I hate is the way your hair just sticks up like that
13:47Hey, I mean it
13:48Come on
13:48I mean, hey
13:49You know, you think I
13:50You think that
13:51I don't do anything around here, right?
13:53I mean, you think you hold this whole place up like a pillow
13:58What, you think so too?
14:00No, you said pillow
14:02You mean pillar
14:04No, I meant pillow
14:05Like the way a pillow holds up your head
14:09Pillow's what I said
14:10That's what I meant
14:12You think I don't know words?
14:13Hey, I know words
14:14Come on, man
14:15Leave
14:15Leave the call out
14:17You got an argument, pally
14:18Pick me with it
14:19I'm over here
14:21I'm making these stupid statues
14:23Right for a magazine cover
14:24I could be selling art right now
14:27$50,000 a piece
14:28Right now
14:28One piece
14:29$50,000 for one piece
14:31Well, my little friend
14:32There's
14:32That's 100 pieces right there
14:34That's $5 million
14:37Shall I write you a check?
14:39Can't even write your name, Bess
14:59Give it a hand
15:07Bring
15:08Hey
15:10Foul.
15:10No foul.
15:11Judge.
15:12That's it.
15:12That's a felony.
15:13That's it.
15:14That's it.
15:14I win 21-12.
15:16High at 16.
15:1712, man.
15:17I win.
15:18It's over.
15:18That's it?
15:21You quit?
15:22Fine.
15:23I'm gonna take a little break.
15:24When you want to play some more, you know where to find me.
15:30Michael, are you okay?
15:31Oh, yes.
15:40And what are you doing?
15:42I'm making wood angels.
15:49Joey?
15:51How are you doing, sport?
15:53How am I doing?
15:56Running out of time, Judge.
16:00I mean, how much time do I got left to become a brilliant artist that people talk about, huh?
16:07But it has an influence on our culture.
16:11I'm 32 years old already, right?
16:14In a couple years, I'm gonna be 33.
16:22Nobody seems to really think I'm very good.
16:27They don't know what they're talking about.
16:29Oh, yes, they do.
16:31They do.
16:32I'm 32 years old.
16:33What do I got to show, huh?
16:34Nothing.
16:37Dad, what are you talking about?
16:38You've got a lot to show.
16:40I love you.
16:40Everybody loves you.
16:43That's sweet, honey.
16:45That's sweet, but you don't know that they love me because they think that they're better than me.
17:01I hate them like this.
17:03Yeah.
17:04Not very pretty.
17:06Okay.
17:07Okay, okay.
17:08I get the message.
17:09If you drink too much, then you get moody and stupid, and you say things you don't mean.
17:13Fine.
17:13I'll never drink that much anyway.
17:15Besides, I'm not everybody's affected like that.
17:17Look at Michael.
17:18Winchester Cathedral.
17:22You're bringing me down.
17:25Mo dodey-o dodey.
17:28Hey, he's a little silly, but he's very cute.
17:31What's bad about that?
17:32Knock, knock.
17:34Oh, down here, baby.
17:39Taylor, let us assume, no, let us pray, that this is a celebration of your completion of the advertising proposal,
17:47which is due, oh, now.
17:51You shave between the eyebrows, don't you?
17:58Margaret Wilbur, you remember me.
18:00I make a strong impression.
18:01Oh, yes.
18:03Nicole had a drink at a party last night.
18:06Joey and Michael are now giving her a demonstration on the ill effects of alcohol.
18:10Like how if you're roaring drunk and your boss walks in, that's probably no good.
18:14No, what's probably no good is that now I'm forced to turn to Harris and inquire.
18:20Huh?
18:23Hey, I'm the artist.
18:24I like it that way.
18:29They must love you more than they love their jobs, kid.
18:32Are my dads in trouble?
18:35Oh, just have them call me in the morning, if they wake up.
18:41Judge, we have to sober them up now.
18:43No, this is when the fun begins.
18:46Gentlemen, start your engines.
18:50Yeah.
18:51Okay.
18:51Games.
18:52I am great at this game.
18:53Yes, but I am greater than you.
18:56Nicole, this is what it's all about.
18:58Go.
19:03Hey, cut me off.
19:04Give me that.
19:05Michael's turn.
19:11Okay, everybody get out and push.
19:14What lesson is this now?
19:15I can't even drive yet.
19:17You don't have to drive.
19:18Passengers can get just as dead.
19:26Hey, kid.
19:28Okay, eyes clear.
19:29Breath fresh.
19:30Walked a straight line from our apartment to here.
19:33Can I have my car back now, please?
19:35Your car?
19:36Joey!
19:37We still have the car, Roy.
19:41Now you're gonna see me really drive, cause I got a real car.
19:44Ha-ha.
19:45What are you talking about?
19:47You're not driving anywhere.
19:48Party's over, boys.
19:49Yeah, that'd be my vote since my discerning eye tells me you two are tanked.
19:53Where'd you park it, Mikey?
19:54We'll find it.
19:55We'll find it.
19:56That's it, Joey.
19:56Give Roy the keys.
19:58You did a very good job.
19:59You don't know what you're doing anymore.
20:00Now sit down.
20:01You're angry when you're beautiful.
20:03Mwah!
20:04Stop it!
20:05Stop it, Darren!
20:07I'm talking to you!
20:08Hey, don't screw up my car!
20:19I saw Roy come up.
20:22Roy means trouble, so I followed.
20:25How's the lesson going, Judge?
20:27Just put him down anywhere.
20:42Are these yours?
20:43Yeah, thanks.
20:46Yeah, I don't get like this when I drink.
20:54Did they know Mr. Klawicki was out there?
20:59Uh-uh.
21:00Did you?
21:04Uh-uh.
21:06Tackle Michael clean.
21:08Joey, I had a blind side.
21:11He may be feeling that in the morning.
21:14Mr. Klawicki.
21:17Thanks.
21:22You should never have let them do this.
21:26They were gonna do what they were gonna do, no matter what I said.
21:30Just the way you are, no matter what they say.
21:34Why'd they have to do it this way?
21:39Because they love you.
21:43Because love motivates their behavior, not alcohol.
21:46Or you'd have a very different kind of life.
21:50They did this so you'd remember the next time there were drinks at a party.
21:58Where's Nicole?
22:01Is she okay?
22:04She's okay.
22:11I'm okay.
22:13I'm okay.
22:15She's okay.
22:19Don't go out there.
22:19No.
22:27She's okay.
22:29She's okay.
22:29She's okay.
22:31She's okay.
22:31She's okay.
22:32No.
22:33She's okay.
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