- 6 weeks ago
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00:04okay i'm ready for my date female point of view adopt me sorry shelby i'm a one daughter man
00:14hey hey come on only i get to mess with his hair so who are you going out with tonight
00:19dad
00:20an angel nick god's great gift to a good little joey i don't know tickets to the best show on
00:28broadway reservations the best new restaurant in town a beautiful woman waiting for me okay i'll go
00:35we get to meet this beautiful woman ah next time honey tonight is just pick her up and drop her
00:40off and thank you very much for a lovely evening just like all first dates are supposed to be
00:44right this has been a public service announcement don't wait up
00:54hello hi is joey here no and what a shame let's go to rio
01:01uh people molly come on in how are you good good looking good how are you
01:07fine listen i want you to uh meet my hi i guess she gets to mess up his hair too
01:18ready ready now
01:22ahem yes a hem a hem a hem yes yes i'd like you to uh molly this is my daughter
01:28nicole
01:28and this is my uh my michael
01:32my michael excuse me one second i gotta get my coat okay hi oh hello so michael you enjoy our
01:42roommates yes my pal joey you know it's what's mine is his and what's his is mine hi
01:51they're both my dads they raised me together well i'm sure you're a real little handful
01:58she mentioned you michael of course now that i see you i can understand why
02:02really never mentioned me huh well i think to make up for it at least you can do is spend
02:07the
02:07whole evening talking about me so so molly what are you and joey gonna be doing tonight
02:12oh you know grown-up stuff
02:17grown-up stuff oh something i'd not understand probably
02:21if you'll excuse me i think i hear my dolls fighting
02:28lovely child and i bet you were a beautiful baby
02:32yes but i was never completely weaned
02:39dad
02:39gotta re-moose
02:41dad
02:43hey nick can this wait till later okay because michael's out there bothering molly and i gotta rescue her
02:47she's not bothered yeah that's exactly why i gotta rescue her dad i don't think she's right for you she's
02:54flirting
02:54with michael out there and she completely ignores me yeah yeah is that the kind of woman you want to
03:00date
03:04oh yeah
03:07hey look she's not ignoring you nick it just takes you a little while to warm up to new people
03:11that's all
03:13and she's warm okay i'll see you later dad dad i'm serious she's very flirty and she ignores your
03:21daughter treating me like i'm a three-year-old i think the best idea is that you don't date her
03:28hey look i got a better idea why don't i go over there and pry michael off her and take
03:32her out on a
03:33little date maybe a test date you know and then what i'll do is i'll write up a report and
03:36i'll hand
03:36it into you tomorrow dad ready uh ready now goodbye michael bye mike bye mike joey good night nicole
03:51i'll expect you home by midnight and not a minute later
03:58me no you are a nice boy you date nice girls yeah rub it in
04:09you can count on me no matter what you do you can count on me no matter where you go
04:20standing by your
04:21side i'll be right behind no one loves you more than i do put your hand in mine
04:48you can count on me no matter what you do you can count on me no matter where you go
04:59you can count on me
05:10so uh joe you done with your cereal yeah done with your juice yep done with your molly
05:23no she wanted me joe she wanted me she flirts with everybody okay but she goes out with me
05:28she's only going with you to get to me and i gotta admit she got to me
05:34sounds like you had a swell time on your date huh i had a great day great day you know
05:38great dinner
05:39great show fabulous conversation but after a while you just you want molly
05:46she's it the kid all right want some breakfast would you like me to have breakfast well yeah
05:54then i don't want breakfast why should i have breakfast just because you want me to have
05:59breakfast why should i be forced to have breakfast just because some parent a trillion years ago said
06:05oh new day eat waffle
06:08oh i almost completely forgot to tell you she hates you now
06:15you want to talk would you like to talk
06:20no no definitely let's not talk i'm gonna tell you something mister
06:27you think that just because you're a parent you have the right to tell me how to live my life
06:31but when i try to give you a well-intended piece of advice like your date stinks then i have
06:37violated
06:37the supreme rule of the universe which is the advice only flows in one direction from your mouth to my
06:43life
06:46you're on beg
06:51let me tell you how the family structure works okay
06:54you see the father and and the father
06:59calling upon years and years of living experience make decisions that you may not understand right now
07:05but in time you will
07:12when
07:16when you're older here we go
07:20when i'm older
07:21oh
07:22well i'm older
07:23now
07:24and i'm even older
07:26now
07:26i just keep getting older and older
07:29you know what i'm talking about
07:31what when i'm 900
07:32maybe then i'll be wise enough that i can give you advice once in a while
07:36nicole
07:36do not
07:39call me nicole
07:41okay nicole is my child name
07:44i do not respond to my child name anymore
07:47and and and what name will you respond to now
07:54you may address me as sigourney
08:02okay sit down and eat your breakfast sigourney all right
08:05i will i will eat my breakfast but not because you say so
08:09i will eat it downstairs at klawicki's
08:11i will have a hamburger for breakfast
08:12then i will go immediately swimming
08:14and get a cramp
08:15and then on my way home
08:17i will look only one way
08:19while crossing the street
08:20and probably get hit by advice from an oncoming parent
08:26she gets that from you
08:34the thing that bothers me about this parenting thing is that it's such a one-way street
08:38uh-huh
08:39why is it that they get to tell me who to go out with and i can't tell them squat
08:43uh-huh
08:46shelby
08:47do you think i'd make a good biker babe
08:51if you keep looking over at those guys
08:53they're gonna think we're interested
08:55and they'll probably
08:55oh no
08:57hey sweet thang
08:59got a name
09:01shelby
09:01but you can call me darlene
09:05they'd call me chopper
09:06of course they do
09:08darlene
09:10what's your little friend's name
09:11you could be tricksy
09:12i don't want to be tricksy
09:15i want you to go back to your table now please
09:20chopper does not make that long walk back alone babe
09:25well nobody's going with you this time
09:27so perhaps you'd best be on your way
09:32furthermore
09:36you leather jacket guys
09:38may think you're so tough chopper
09:40and i personally think it's lewis
09:42but any girl with a brain knows better
09:47thanks
09:50now i really don't think your dads would appreciate you talking to those kind of guys
10:07i got it
10:15i got flowers for joey harris
10:18i'll take it
10:18are you joey harris
10:21who were the flowers from
10:22it's from a molly
10:24i'm joey harris
10:27you know
10:27you know
10:28i need some id
10:29because you know
10:29i'm not supposed to give these flowers out to anybody who's not the person that i'm
10:33i understand
10:33oh thank you joe
10:40to joey thanks for a lovely experience
10:44ew
11:10who's that
11:12oh there's a guy at the door
11:14huh
11:16so uh
11:18where's sigourney this evening
11:20sigourney is out with zach
11:23she didn't ask me if she can go out
11:24well that's because you're the great satan
11:28you know
11:28just because a date of mine isn't sensitive to nicole's needs at a particular moment
11:32what am i supposed to do
11:33cancel the rest of my life
11:34no but you only go out with women who have the nicole seal of approval
11:38me what about you
11:40me oh you didn't hear
11:41i'm a nice guy i date nice girls i can date my head off i'm allowed
11:48mr harris mr taylor
11:50hello nicole
11:53nicole's not here core
11:54my point exactly
11:55she's out with zach isn't she
11:56hey what can i tell you
11:58that's just the way it works corey
12:00look last time she went out with you this time she went out with zach
12:03i got it
12:05when are you guys gonna clamp down on the zach thing
12:07core
12:08we make it a practice not to tell nicole what to do with her life
12:11and nicole makes it a practice not to listen to us when we do
12:15hey zach what lovely and familiar looking flowers those are
12:21yes i was on my way over here when out of nowhere i thought
12:24ow flowers
12:28and i suppose you spent a lot of money on those flowers
12:31of course
12:31to me nicole is worth it
12:33did you uh you threw away the card
12:34what am i an idiot
12:37so where is she
12:38what
12:39oh you're out together you're not together
12:41how come you're not together
12:43you remember the flowers but you forgot the girl
12:47he lost nicole
12:50should we ever find her again this should be very good for me
12:54wait a minute what are you guys talking about we didn't have a date
12:56what are you talking about nicole told me that she's going out with you
12:58why would she do that aha the very question that brought me here
13:04i got it
13:04i got it
13:09hey shelby how you doing
13:10oh you guys are here fine because i want to go out with you and i want to go out
13:14with you
13:20you may think that's not very nice to me cory and zach being nicole's boyfriends and all but
13:25i think it's only fair since nicole stole my man
13:29what man
13:30somebody told where is my daughter huh
13:32somebody talk i think you
13:35she's out on a date with chopper
13:43oh she didn't tell you
13:46well my work here is done
13:50chopper
13:54that can't be good
14:03so my daughter is out on a date with a kid named chopper
14:05i'm all aglow
14:06hey she's doing this to get back at us you know that
14:09no no no she's doing this to get back at you
14:11you went out on a date with somebody she didn't watch it to
14:13so now she's doing the same thing
14:14mr taylor mr harris i think you're being much too hard on yourselves
14:17when you stop and consider that
14:19this is all zach's fault
14:20well how do you figure that butthead
14:25because back before you and your haircut showed up
14:28this was a nice little one boyfriend household
14:31and it's mr butthead
14:36hey when you two are through
14:38maybe you can help us figure out what this kid did with our daughter
14:40guys think okay
14:42if you want to be alone with nicole where would you go
14:44oh most of our dates are movie dates
14:47innocent movie dates
14:49movies where you sing along
14:53we go to the museum a lot
14:56talk
14:56the boat basin
14:58not that i've ever heard of the boat basin
15:00i wouldn't even think of taking the call to the boat basin
15:03she wouldn't like you
15:04oh she told you that
15:05yeah she told me that
15:06when did she tell you that
15:07you want to know when she told me that
15:08yeah i want to know what she told me
15:10fellas fellas fellas
15:10shut up
15:13okay guys
15:15what what exactly goes on at this boat basin
15:22oh don't don't say that
15:25come on you guys are showing me where this is
15:27come on joey stay here
15:28i want you to stay here in case
15:29in case she comes back
15:30why should i stay here
15:31well i'm not staying here
15:32yeah because if you find this kid what are you gonna do
15:34i tear his head off i kill him
15:37all right stay here
15:43well i'll tell you something
15:44if i would have just listened to nicole
15:45and taken her seriously
15:46none of this would have happened
15:48joey you take nicole seriously lots of times
15:50you can't take kids seriously all the time
15:53what you mean you don't take nicole seriously as a rule
15:55i don't take you seriously as a rule
15:59i think that's all kids really want
16:01is to be taken seriously
16:02that's all i ever wanted
16:03what advice did you give your parents joe
16:06well
16:08i remember one time i had an argument with my mother
16:10i told my father that i
16:12i didn't think he should tie himself down to one woman
16:16i think i'm still grounded
16:20look i try never to butt into your parental life
16:23give me a break
16:24okay let me tell you what you gotta do
16:26you gotta draw the line between parent and friend
16:29someday i'd like to be both
16:32joe joe
16:33you're just starting to become friends with your father now
16:37that's a relationship that takes years of him being the father and you being the kid
16:41and you battling each other so long you get exhausted
16:43you got no place else to go
16:45and you fall into each other's arms
16:48so you're saying that i gotta be a parent now right
16:50uh-huh
16:50so you're saying that i'm right and handling nicole like a parent now
16:53uh-huh
16:54so then you're saying that i'm right
16:58had to happen sooner or later
17:04great
17:08hi judge
17:09hi nicole
17:10hey judge
17:10hi chopper
17:12you two know each other
17:13we met professionally
17:17so uh
17:18you two going into the loft now
17:19yeah i thought we'd go in and have a soda
17:22but mostly i really want my dads to meet chopper
17:25oh i'm sure they'll jump at the opportunity
17:30hey dads i'm home
17:33dads want you to meet somebody
17:37dads
17:41nobody seems to be home
17:44impossible
17:44when i go on a date
17:45they're always home
17:46waiting
17:47watching
17:48cleaning their guns
17:50and yet they're not here now
17:51it's a first
17:53no
17:53but i'm sure they'll be back any second really
17:55they don't like to leave their little girl alone too long
17:59well it looks as if tonight
18:00they're treating their little girl like an adult
18:03why don't we make that the theme for the evening
18:06yeah
18:06let's talk
18:07talking's adult
18:08so what do you want to do after you graduate
18:11i'm not thinking any further than tonight
18:13short-term goals are good
18:18sure don't move around a lot
18:19you want to read
18:20reading's adult
18:21you want to jog
18:22yeah you're fast huh
18:23no i'm not fast
18:24no i'm not fast at all
18:25as a matter of fact i think you should know
18:26the only reason i went out with you
18:28was on account of my dad's lousy thing to do huh
18:31despicable
18:31let's kiss and make up
18:32no really we had an argument
18:34and i'm using you to get back at them
18:35i got a way we can really get back out
18:37why don't you check under the hood
18:47sure would be nice to have a father around right now wouldn't it
18:50that's my daddy
18:55yeah joey harris
18:56nicole's daddy
19:00whoa look how much bigger i am than you
19:04yeah i know sizable discrepancy
19:06yeah
19:07yeah and i couldn't help overhearing that you're trying to get my daughter to do things that she doesn't want
19:11to do
19:11that makes me very mad
19:14now you're gonna tell me
19:15now you're gonna tell me you know martial arts right
19:16nah no technique i just go psycho
19:22i'm a lot younger than you
19:23hey age means nothing to a psycho
19:28she's the one that asked me out
19:29yeah yeah that was for my benefit
19:32and that door is for your benefit
19:33use it
19:35yeah
19:36i'll tell you what
19:37yeah
19:37now i'm insulted
19:38yeah i'm leaving
19:39get out
19:40get out
19:58you okay
20:00uh-huh
20:02that wasn't one of your best ideas you know
20:05i was just trying to make you feel like i felt last night
20:08but you get that huh
20:10yeah you're trying to teach me a lesson huh
20:13you wanna know what i learned
20:16you're not old enough to teach me a lesson okay
20:18i'm your father you're my daughter here's the rules sit down
20:28look i'm gonna be here to protect you
20:30i am gonna provide for you
20:32i am gonna decide what is best for you
20:35in general i'm just gonna be here to boss you around
20:39so all you gotta do see
20:41all you gotta do is grow up
20:43and in about ten years i'm gonna stop
20:46but you never will will you
20:50okay i will
20:53love you dad
20:55i love you too
20:57and you're grounded
20:59of course
21:00joe she's not there i couldn't find her
21:02oh wait there she is
21:06right next to you
21:07on the couch
21:07isn't it always that way the last place you look right
21:11and you've probably been there for quite some time too haven't you
21:14yeah well i've been running around the central park boat basin for an hour and a half
21:17you ever been in a boat basin at night
21:19it's nice
21:21oh it's nice dark dirty disgusting boat basin and couples are touching and groping
21:26and real happy to have me stick my head in between them and look at them and they're happy about
21:29that
21:30pal i'm the oldest person in the city at this point
21:32and and as i'm leaving as i'm leaving the boat basin some creature some fishy seaweedy thing slithered
21:38an oyster i'm hoping it was an oyster slithered across my back out my arm into a cab
21:42so i but as long
21:44you're here you're safe
21:45i'm i'm i feel much better
21:48what did i miss am i still upset
21:51now we talked the whole thing in
21:54i missed the big daughter moment
21:56i missed oh well
21:57serves me right for running off willy nilly to drag the river huh
22:01we covered everything
22:03no you didn't cover everything that's impossible
22:05you didn't
22:06did you intimidate the chopper kid
22:08did it
22:10you grounded the daughter right
22:11did it
22:12hmm
22:13yeah i love you i love you thing
22:16did it
22:17hmm
22:18i guess the only thing left would be uh the part about how we should always listen to what nicole
22:22has to say
22:23and never dismiss her opinion even if we don't agree with it
22:26did you do that part
22:29did it
22:30wait a minute
22:39ten
22:39well
22:41well
22:41and
22:42well
22:43well
22:44well
22:45well
22:45well
22:45well
22:45well
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