- 4 hours ago
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00:05Hey, all right, listen, no matter what kind of scam Nicole tries to run on us, we make
00:08like we don't know anything, right?
00:10If she wants to go to the mountains this weekend, why can't she just do the straightforward,
00:13honest thing and ask you?
00:15Because she's my daughter.
00:17She also happens to be my daughter, and I'm telling you that Nicole will ask permission
00:21without resorting to subterfuge.
00:23Hey, I bet you 20 bucks.
00:24You're on.
00:25All right.
00:2610 bucks on subterfuge.
00:29What kind of odds are you giving on honesty?
00:31A billion to one.
00:3310 bucks on subterfuge.
00:37Hello.
00:38Hi, sweetie.
00:39Hello.
00:39Dad, look what we found in the loft.
00:42It's your high school yearbook from 1973.
00:45Yes.
00:46Well, growing up in the Bronx probably meant you never got out of the city much.
00:50To experience nature.
00:52Shut up.
00:53Hey, maybe you should take a weekend.
00:55You know, at, uh, Shelby's mom's bed and breakfast place, huh?
00:59How did you know?
01:01Shelby's mom called.
01:03Oh.
01:08Well, Shelby, if you want me, my guess is I'll be in my room for how long?
01:14Hit the road.
01:15The lecture starts when you get back.
01:18That's all right.
01:19Uh, sweetie, you have any money on you?
01:21Not really.
01:24Enjoy.
01:25Live it up.
01:25Live it up.
01:29Wow.
01:30And do me a favor.
01:31Next time, just ask us.
01:33You would have said yes?
01:35Of course.
01:42So, guys, your high school yearbook.
01:47Well, wiki, look at Joey the hippie.
01:50Gosh.
01:52That brings back memories.
01:54You were a hippie?
01:56No.
01:57I used to beat him up.
02:00Oh, I'd love to do that.
02:04George, I don't want to brag, but was I good-looking or what?
02:09Oh.
02:10Ah.
02:13Speaking of ooh, ah.
02:16Diana Thackeray.
02:18Her picture was right next to mine.
02:20Yeah, that's as close to her as Michael ever got.
02:23Hey, hey, tale of Thackeray, tale of Thackeray.
02:26She sat behind me for four years.
02:28She was crazy about me.
02:30She was all over me.
02:30We went steady.
02:32We made out in the halls.
02:33We were very sexually advanced.
02:35Oh, no, no, wait.
02:36No.
02:37None of that happened.
02:40No, no, no, no.
02:41The truth is, there's only one thing that stood between me and Diana steaming up the windows
02:46in my father's Pontiac Grand Prix.
02:48Oh, really?
02:48What was that?
02:49She kept saying no.
02:51She's the no queen of all time.
02:54I mean, look at her picture.
02:55It's a negative.
02:58Joey and I had this bet going in high school to see who could take her out first.
03:02Who won?
03:03Well, we decided that the bet was macho and stupid.
03:07Nobody won.
03:08No, you guys.
03:10My ears were tremendous.
03:11My head was small.
03:12My hair was frizzy.
03:13I was very thin.
03:13My mother used to buy all my clothes at that time, so...
03:17When did he stop talking?
03:21Of course, it would be a lot different now.
03:23Hey, well, now we're men.
03:25You know, we've grown up.
03:25She'd go out with either one of us now.
03:27Well, either one of me.
03:31I mean, I still got it.
03:32What, you saying I don't have it?
03:33No, I'm saying it never met you.
03:36Really?
03:37Whereas I still got it.
03:38I invented it.
03:39I mean, I am it.
03:40Is that right?
03:41And what am I?
03:42Sitting next to it.
03:45Looks like after 15 years, the bet's still on.
03:48Yeah, if we could still find her.
03:50Yeah, we could never find her now.
03:52Thackeray.
03:54Diana.
03:55Only one in town.
03:58Bet's still on.
04:03This is outrageous, betting on who can date a woman.
04:07It's sexist.
04:08It reflects badly on your intelligence
04:10and on the future of all humanity.
04:13That being said,
04:15I bet 20 bucks on Michael.
04:19I got the hippie.
04:33Hello.
04:34Yes, it is.
04:36Joey who?
04:39Joey Harris from high school.
04:41Yes, of course I remember you.
04:43Oh, and whatever happened to that friend of yours,
04:45Michael Taylor?
04:47He's there with you?
04:50Listen, let me ask you something.
04:52Are you guys still single?
04:55Oh, really?
04:57Where are you right now?
04:59Oh, sure.
05:00I know that area very well.
05:01I could be there in 15 minutes.
05:03Uh-huh.
05:04Yeah, I'm looking forward to seeing you.
05:06Yes, really.
05:08Mm-hmm.
05:09Bye.
05:17Abby, guess what?
05:18These two guys from high school
05:20that used to fight over me all the time just called.
05:23What do you mean, so what?
05:24My new book, the book I'm writing.
05:26The one about why men never grow up.
05:31Oh, I have been looking so hard
05:34to find two perfect research subjects
05:36that I could base it on.
05:37Well, they just found me.
05:45You can count on me
05:48No matter what you do
05:50You can count on me
05:53No matter where you go
05:55Standing by your side
05:57I'll be right behind
05:59No one loves you more than I do
06:02Put your hand in mine
06:04I can see you're part of me and you
06:09A little something special
06:11That comes shining through
06:13I feel it in your laughter
06:16And I feel it when you cry
06:18I won't be right there for you
06:21Until the day I die
06:23You can count on me
06:27No matter what you do
06:29You can count on me
06:32No matter where you go
06:34You can count on me
06:39I can't believe she said yes
06:41Diana Thackeray, the queen of no, says yes
06:44Now I'm scared that she said yes
06:46What if she didn't age well, huh?
06:47What if she peaked in high school?
06:50What if she looks like Buddy Hackett?
07:00Yes!
07:01Okay, okay, what are the rules here?
07:03There's no rules
07:03Whoever gets a date with her first wins the bet, right?
07:06Loser pays
07:07Right
07:07Could be very expensive
07:08I don't know
07:09See you later, loser
07:10Okay, wait, wait, wait
07:11Before you go
07:11Before you go, huh?
07:12Little toast
07:13Little toast to, uh, to no rules
07:16You got it, too, yeah
07:21You got it
07:24Michael's got no scruples
07:27Joey's got wet scruples
07:36Michael Taylor
07:38Is this really the guy I sat behind in homeroom all those years?
07:43That's the guy
07:45Well, you look great
07:46Well, he
07:47Oh, this is so nice
07:50You're not at all the tongue-tied little boy I used to know
07:53Well, and you look more than even when you did years ago
07:59I thought Joey Harris was gonna join us
08:01Joey, you know, he did, he wanted to
08:03He was looking forward, he was excited
08:05So what happened?
08:05Uh, let's just say it rained on his parade
08:09Well, let's talk about him, let's talk about you
08:11Oh, no, no, I don't wanna talk about me
08:13I'd much rather find out what's going on with you
08:15I mean, you look good
08:17You're dressing better
08:20In fact, uh, I have to say I'm very impressed
08:23Wow
08:24The last time somebody was this nice to me
08:26I had to dial 976
08:30You know, we just have so much catching up to do, you and I
08:33And this is, this is really not a place for a reunion
08:35So, now, before you say no
08:37Yes
08:39I don't think I've ever heard you say that before
08:42Um, tonight
08:45Yes
08:46I just love the way you say that
08:48Um, dinner
08:52Yes
08:55How many more of those do you have left?
08:57Because I could come up with questions and I'll say
09:00Yes
09:03Don't yes me, you tramp
09:16Who is this woman?
09:20What do you mean?
09:22What?
09:22I thought we had a commitment
09:25What are you talking about?
09:26What a commitment?
09:28Love your hair
09:32No rules
09:44Joey Harris
09:45Mr. Never Give Up
09:48I figured I'd give you a call every 15 years
09:50See if you want to go to a prom with me
09:53How you been?
09:54Oh, fine, fine
09:55How about you?
09:55Good, good
09:56You're looking good
09:57What are you doing?
09:58Oh, I don't want to talk about me
10:00You still have that killer smile
10:03I don't know
10:04You tell me
10:06Hey
10:08And you've been working out
10:21What are you doing here?
10:24I didn't hear you get out of bed this morning, John
10:41I'm a man, yes I am
10:44And I can't help but let you know
10:46Oh, that crazy, wacky boat of love
11:02How you hanging in there, Joe?
11:04Hey, I'm hanging in there, Mikey
11:05Yeah, good, yeah
11:06I wouldn't want you to feel terribly dejected
11:08Or have your manhood questioned
11:09Just because you lost this insignificant little bet thing
11:12You know, so we don't even have to talk about it
11:14Because I know it's only going to upset you
11:16So we don't talk about it, okay, Joe?
11:18Thank you, Mikey
11:19Hey, guess where I'm taking another dinner?
11:21Guess where I'm taking another dinner?
11:22Peacock Palace
11:23Which is the most expensive Chinese restaurant
11:25I believe in the world
11:27But hey, expense is no concern of mine, right?
11:30Because I'm spending your money
11:31Oh, that must be my lunch date
11:40Who is that?
11:41Why are you smiling?
11:42Because of that look on your face
11:44What, what look?
11:45What look?
11:48That look
11:50Hello
11:51Hi
11:52Lunch date?
11:53I hope this isn't going to be a problem
11:55Now, Joey promised me that he would have me back
11:57In time for our date
12:00Nice bathrobe
12:01So, Joey, where are we going?
12:03Uh, the Peacock Palace
12:04Just heard about it
12:08Joe, can we, can we talk for a second, you and I?
12:11Um, why don't I just wait outside?
12:13Okay
12:15This will only take but a moment
12:17Play nice, boys
12:21Hey, I made my date before you made your date
12:23So I win
12:24I'm going out on my date before you are
12:25No, I win
12:26No, I win
12:26How can we both win?
12:28All right, it's a tie, okay?
12:29It's a tie
12:29All right, what we'll do is
12:31I'll take her out on a lunch date
12:32Yeah, show her a good time
12:33You take her out on a dinner date
12:34And then do whatever you do
12:36Slip her into a coma
12:37And then, all right, we'll tell her
12:39That because we're roommates
12:41That she can only go on a second date with one of us
12:43Good, good, good, good, okay
12:44And, and loser has to pay for all the dates, right?
12:47Plus, a weekend in the Bahamas
12:49Think she'd go?
12:50Well, she says yes to everything else
12:52Yeah, she never used to say yes to anything, right?
12:55I mean, she used to be the Pope of Nope
12:58Joe, look what's happened in the last 15 years
13:00We've bloomed, we've blossomed
13:02She's obviously dazzled by what we've become
13:05Tell you the truth
13:06I can't believe how well this is turning out
13:07This is turning out so well
13:10I never had any doubt in my mind
13:12That single men in their 30s
13:14Are frozen in adolescence
13:16I have just met walking, talking
13:18Dribbling, dribbling proof
13:21In fact, I wonder if I've just stumbled upon
13:23A perfect case of Peter Pan syndrome
13:28Let's fly
13:43How was our date?
13:44I'll bet you're wondering, huh?
13:45Oh, we had such a good time, really
13:47And then on the way back
13:49We stopped to listen to the street corner mariachi band
13:51And they were playing, guess what?
13:54The one song in the world that never misses with me
13:59Caramilla
14:00Oh, Joy
14:02Oh, Liz, you know, when you sing that
14:04I can't control myself
14:07But our afternoon is over
14:09And now it's time for my date with Michael
14:11So I'll just get my coat
14:17Well, Mikey, she's, uh, she's fed
14:19She's entertained
14:19She's heard Caramilla
14:20I don't know what's left for you
14:22Hmm
14:24I don't know
14:24What is it that people do in the evening?
14:27That you haven't done yet
14:28Hmm
14:30Huh?
14:33Hey, Anna
14:36Let's go to your apartment
14:38I don't see why not
14:41She doesn't see why not
14:52Thanks
14:53Well, why don't you make yourself comfortable?
14:55I'll open the champagne
14:57Sounds like a plan
15:01This is a beautiful place
15:02Thanks
15:03Many, many books
15:04Do a lot of reading?
15:06Oh, yes, I'm a regular bookworm
15:09Women who love jerks
15:11Men who can't dump him
15:14He's useless
15:16Got any Garfield books in here?
15:19Those were all gifts
15:22Come on over here to the couch
15:23And let's make ourselves comfortable
15:25I can't think of why we shouldn't do that
15:29I'd like to make a toast
15:30To breaking down barriers
15:32And getting to know the real person inside you
15:35And to naked jello fights
15:45I just can't believe you're not married
15:47I find that a wife
15:49Especially on a date
15:50Is just excess baggage
15:52But you're witty
15:53You're adorable
15:54Oh, yes
15:55I mean, how have you escaped?
15:56I don't know
15:59Are you one of those guys
16:00I'm always reading about?
16:01One of those guys
16:02That just can't commit?
16:04Yes and no
16:05Oh, there I go
16:06Being witty again
16:08Michael
16:09Do you find that
16:10You have trouble
16:11Sustaining long-term relationships?
16:14No, that I can do
16:15It's where you make
16:16That bird thing
16:17Out of your fingers
16:18That I can't do
16:25You know
16:26I'm asking you serious questions
16:28And you're avoiding them
16:30By trying to be funny
16:32Why is that?
16:33Are you afraid of intimacy?
16:35No, hey
16:35Me and intimacy
16:36Are like that
16:37It's just very hard
16:38To be intimate
16:39When you're the only person
16:40On a couch
16:44Okay
16:50Do you feel you've grown emotionally
16:52Since high school?
16:56Well, now, who would you say
16:58Is avoiding now?
17:01You're right
17:02Let's lie down and get comfortable
17:04Alrighty
17:10Now, this afternoon
17:11Joey was saying to me
17:12And I quote
17:13You quote?
17:14Oh, Michael and I
17:15Have always been very competitive
17:17Hey, I didn't come here to quote
17:20Michael, you're being defensive
17:21Well, you know
17:22I feel kind of silly
17:23I feel like I'm being analyzed here
17:24You got me on a couch
17:25And you're asking me questions
17:26If I didn't know any better
17:27I think you were a shrink
17:30You have a shrink
17:32You're a shrink
17:33And I'm an idiot
17:34I'm a big idiot
17:37Are you writing down notes?
17:38What, are you gonna
17:38You're gonna write a book?
17:39Is that it?
17:39Are you gonna write one of these
17:40Why all men should be dead books?
17:41Is that it?
17:42Like, uh, women who love jerks
17:44By you, huh?
17:50Michael, how are you feeling right now?
17:52Are you feeling emasculated?
17:54No, no, no, I'm not, no
17:58I'm not, I just
17:58You used us
18:00And that's not right
18:01I don't want to be
18:01One of these jerky guys in your books
18:03Well, I could change your name
18:04If you like
18:05To what, Bozo?
18:06Would that help?
18:07I mean, tell me the truth
18:08Am I, like, the biggest idiot in the book, huh?
18:10Or is there possibly some king-size idiot
18:13Out there in the universe
18:14Who could possibly top me?
18:21I love me, oh, oh, oh
18:27Must we say goodbye
18:32I'll be your love
18:34Till the end
18:36Till the end
18:40Tell me the love
18:42Tell me the love
18:43Tell me the love
18:54What?
19:07The door flew open
19:09And there he stood
19:10Dressed in a ludicrous mariachi costume
19:13Warbling at the top of his lungs
19:15I glanced from him to Bozo
19:17On the couch
19:17And suddenly knew
19:19I had a bad case
19:20Of the little boy blues
19:23Do you think there are really guys
19:24Out there like this?
19:27That's what I live for
19:30Hey, yo
19:32So, guys
19:34Did you happen to catch
19:35The new issue
19:36Of Metropolitan Woman?
19:39Uh, Gene, no
19:40I didn't finish last month's
19:41How sensitive is your man quiz
19:43So, uh
19:44I don't want to see those answers just yet
19:47Well, you might be interested in this issue
19:49There's an excerpt from a book about idiots
19:54By Diana Thackeray
20:00Yikes
20:05Oh, look
20:07Dr. Ruthless
20:12Oh, good
20:12You've seen the magazine
20:13I'm so glad
20:14See, I'm starting my publicity tour for my book
20:17And I'm going to be doing a lot of TV shows
20:19And my publicist wanted to know
20:20If I could dig up a couple of the guys I wrote about
20:23So, you two want to take your show on the road?
20:26Hey, TV, huh?
20:27What do you think?
20:30Thank you, Bill
20:33Shabby, look
20:34It's the lady who wrote the article
20:35I recognize her from the picture
20:36Uh-oh
20:39Hi
20:40Hi
20:41I'm a future woman
20:42And I just wanted to say
20:44That you write really great
20:45Well, thank you
20:46I'm going to use this as my dating handbook
20:48But tell her, dads
20:49Not all single guys act this stupid
20:55Dads?
20:56Yes, I have two dads
20:57Very long story
20:59And they're single
21:00But nothing like the jerks you wrote about
21:04So
21:05Why are you here?
21:07Homework
21:08Math test
21:09Upstairs
21:09Now
21:10You're so strict
21:12Do you use moose?
21:14Lots
21:16Oh, Shelby
21:19You two are raising a daughter?
21:22I mean, the way you behave
21:24Who in their right mind would let you have the responsibility for raising a daughter?
21:31Booga booga
21:35You, do you know how they live?
21:38I spy on them constantly
21:41And in my book, which has been researched with far more care than yours seems to have been
21:47I dug deeper than the sombrero and the bozo nose
21:51And I discovered two sweet fathers who took a day off
21:56You mean, you two aren't really the sleazy woman chasing adolescence you made yourselves out to be?
22:03Sorry
22:03Sorry
22:04Sorry
22:05You know, this is so crazy
22:07You two competed for me by behaving like the overgrown boys that most women never want to meet anyway
22:15I mean, if you wanted me to say yes
22:16All you really needed to do was just act like the mature, sensitive, grown-up men
22:22You really are
22:27Double to nothing?
22:28You're in
22:31You're in
22:32You're in
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