- 4 hours ago
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00:01What a game! What a game!
00:04Bottom of the ninth, two outs, two on.
00:06Joey Harris thinks that he has the game
00:08and this $20 bet from his pal, Michael, in the bag.
00:11Oh, he's confident. He's cocky. He's already spent the money.
00:13But wait a second. What's this?
00:15Daryl Strawberry steps to the plate.
00:16Boom! It's going. It's going.
00:18It's a moon launch. It's unbelievable.
00:21What happens? The Mets have won.
00:23The Mets have won. Joey has lost.
00:25Joey has lost. Joey has lost.
00:28This isn't bothering you, is this true?
00:30Of course not, no.
00:32But there's one thing I've been meaning to tell you.
00:33Shut up!
00:35Hey, Shelby, let's go up to my room and pretend to talk about homework.
00:40I had a really good time at the game, Mr. Taylor.
00:42Thanks for the cap.
00:43Hey, listen, we Mets fans, we gotta stick together, right?
00:47I'm very happy about this day.
00:48I don't want to hear any more about this day, okay?
00:50I don't want to hear any more about the game,
00:52and I don't want to hear any more out of you.
00:54Want to hear about, uh, the girl?
00:56Yes.
00:58While you and Nicole and Shelby were patronizing the concession stand,
01:01this foul ball came rocketing right towards me, okay?
01:03So I was immediately struck by two thoughts.
01:05My first thought is, I am not going to be one of these crazy guys
01:08that hangs over a wall to catch a foul ball,
01:10because, you know, the ball boy is going to reach it before you every time, right?
01:12So I didn't move when that ball came bouncing towards me.
01:15Then I saw the ball boy bouncing toward me,
01:17and I was struck by my second thought.
01:18Ball boys don't bounce.
01:20See, we think alike.
01:21Hey, so it was a Mets game and you met somebody.
01:24Martin, what's funny?
01:25Yeah, now you got a date with a ball girl.
01:27My imagination just sings.
01:29So, uh, take it from that part where you're the crazy guy hanging over the wall.
01:32So I'm hanging over the wall, and I got one hand on the ball,
01:34and she's got one hand on the ball, and she says,
01:36Hey, it's my job. I have to retrieve these.
01:38And I said, Well, I would never try and stop you from doing your job,
01:40provided, of course, that you'll go out with me tomorrow night.
01:43So what do you plan on doing?
01:45Well, I plan on testing the boundaries of the expression,
01:48Another lucky fan gets a souvenir!
01:53So I'm sitting in study hall, and Cory whispers something to me,
01:56and it's really cute and really funny.
01:58I had the best time with your father today.
02:01But then Zach whispers something to me, and it's just as cute and just as funny.
02:05At first I thought it was just because we're rooting for the same team.
02:08So, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to choose between them,
02:11or if I should just call up Donny Osmond
02:13and ask him to explain the whole Mormon thing to me.
02:17But now I realize it's actually because I love him.
02:19Yeah, aren't my fathers great?
02:23What do you mean you love my father?
02:26Oh, I don't mean like you love your father. You're his daughter.
02:29You love him. I'm not his daughter. I'm in love with him.
02:33You're in love with my father?
02:35Yeah, aren't you happy for me?
02:37No!
02:44You can count on me
02:47No matter what you do
02:49You can count on me
02:52No matter where you go
02:54Standing by your side
02:56I'll be right behind
02:58No one loves you more than I do
03:01Put your hand in mine
03:03I can see your heart with me and you
03:08A little something special
03:10That comes shining through
03:13I hear it in your laughter
03:15And I feel it when you cry
03:18I will be right there for you
03:21Until the day I die
03:23You can count on me
03:26You can count on me
03:27No matter what you do
03:28You can count on me
03:32No matter where you go
03:33You can count on me
03:37What do you mean you love Michael?
03:39Michael's my father. What do you mean you love my father?
03:44What do you mean love?
03:45What do you mean what?
03:48Just what I said
03:49I had a wonderful time at the baseball game
03:51I had a wonderful time at the baseball game too
03:53But that doesn't mean I have to have a relationship with today's total attendance of 57,000
03:59It was him
04:00It was him
04:01Nicole, I had a good time because of him
04:03We all had a good time
04:04It was a good time
04:06Family outing
04:07And I brought you along as my friend
04:09Inconsidered as this may seem
04:10I wasn't trying to set you up
04:14I knew you'd take it like this
04:15How do you expect me to take it?
04:17My other friends want to borrow my clothes
04:18You want to be my mother
04:35Okay boys
04:37This next series of questions deals with Nicole's behavior
04:42Judge, we've been answering these social service questions every three months since we got Nicole
04:46Why do we have to keep doing these?
04:49Because if I fill out enough of them, I get a free flight to Aruba
04:52Oh wait, I'm wrong, it's the law
04:56Come on, we've had it for like a year now
04:58I mean, don't you think we've earned a little trust here?
05:00Huh?
05:02First question
05:04Judge
05:04Tell you what
05:05If this session goes smoothly, I'll see to it that it's the last one
05:10How's that?
05:11That's fine
05:11Why shouldn't it go smoothly?
05:13There you are, you little junior miss hussy tramp
05:19I was hoping you could be mature about this
05:22Well, you hoped wrong, blondie
05:25Excuse me
05:28Listen, we're doing something very important over here
05:29So would you do me a favor, please, keep this down to a roar
05:32Thank you
05:35Roar
05:38Would you describe Nicole's behavior toward her friends as warm and outgoing or suspicious and hostile?
05:45Hello, Mr. Taylor
05:46What do you mean by that?
05:49Girls, give me a clue, what's going on with you two?
05:51Nothing really, Mr. Taylor
05:52Nicole is just very young, you know
05:58I'm young, I'm young, is that why that college guy smiled at me the other day?
06:04Nothing
06:07Maybe we should move to a different type of question, huh?
06:10Something about us, do you have any questions in there about us?
06:13If single father checked dating life, so, are you dating?
06:18As a matter of fact, tonight, I'm seeing a very lovely woman that I just met
06:21What kind of woman?
06:23She's a very lovely woman
06:24Is she employed?
06:25Yeah
06:26Does she have a title?
06:28Yeah, yes she does
06:28What's her title?
06:30She's a very lovely woman
06:33Where'd you meet her?
06:34Hanging off the third base wall at Chase Stadium
06:39Nothing
06:41Are you dating?
06:42Uh-huh
06:43As classy as what he's dating?
06:48You don't wanna know
06:50Masseuse
06:53So is this the last time we're gonna have to answer questions?
06:57Maybe one more time?
06:59Forever, huh?
07:02Okay, I need to talk to a father about something
07:05Which one?
07:05Beard
07:07What?
07:18Hi
07:20Buy you a milkshake?
07:22What?
07:29Shelby's got a crush?
07:31She thinks she's in love, with my father
07:34She told you that?
07:35Yeah, and I didn't know how to react or if I should tell you or what?
07:38Well, yeah, of course you should tell me, Nick
07:40I mean, uh
07:41Young lady's your age
07:42You know, you're going through a lot of changes
07:44It's perfectly natural
07:46But my father?
07:47When she told me, I thought
07:49That's sick
07:51Hey, come on
07:52I mean, I'm hardly over the hill
07:54You know, I like to think of myself as a lot of fun to be around
07:58Shelby comes over a lot
07:59And she thinks she's in love with me
08:02Look, I tell you, don't worry about it, okay?
08:04I'll talk to her
08:06Dad, it's not you
08:09Huh?
08:11She thinks she's in love with Michael
08:15That's sick
08:18So, Shelby
08:26What is going on between you and Nicole? What is that?
08:28Nothing, really
08:29Nicole and I are best friends
08:30Very fond of each other
08:32We might as well be related
08:35Uh-huh
08:37Now, you have to promise me you won't try to pick up the check when it comes, okay?
08:40This is on me
08:41Okay, Mr. Taylor?
08:42Michael?
08:43Mr. Taylor?
08:46It's a deal
08:47And to what do I owe such generosity, Shelby?
08:50Ms. Haskell?
08:51Shelby
08:54Well, I had such a great time at the game, I just wanted to pay you back
08:58Well, you are a very considerate young lady
09:00Thank you
09:00You're welcome
09:01I'm not so young
09:02I'm 14
09:04Oh, well, well, try not to drop dead at the table, huh?
09:15What?
09:15Nothing, nothing
09:17Do I have something on me?
09:21Did you have a good time at the baseball game, too?
09:24Yes, I did
09:24As a matter of fact, I had a terrific time because of a certain young lady
09:29What?
09:30Yep
09:31Not at all the type of girl that I ever thought I'd end up asking out
09:34You're gonna ask out a girl you were with at the game?
09:37Mm-hmm
09:38Was she blonde and wearing a Mets cap?
09:41That's the one
09:42We're going out tonight
09:45Okay
09:46Where do you want to go?
09:47I don't know, I can't really decide
09:48It's a toss-up between casual or dress-up
09:50Dress-up?
09:51Yeah?
09:51Yeah
09:52What time will the date be?
09:53I don't know, probably start up in the loft around 7
09:56Some nice music
09:57I like Whitesnake
09:58Yeah, that's a little young for me
10:00Steve and Edie
10:02Maybe something in the middle, huh?
10:05That would be fine
10:18Look at them
10:19They're sitting together
10:21My best friend and my father
10:22Are you gonna break this up?
10:24Or do I puke on your shoes?
10:27You didn't tell Michael how Shelby feels about him, right?
10:30Me?
10:30No, that's icky
10:31I don't do icky
10:34Michael knows and he's got to let her down
10:36She's gonna feel terrible
10:37She's gonna be heartbroken
10:38There may be a way to avoid that
10:40How?
10:42I'll talk to her
10:44But first I will subtly get rid of Michael
10:51Hey guys
10:53Hey guys
10:54And guess what?
10:55Shelby bought me a milkshake to pay me back for the ball game
10:58She's sweet
11:03Hey Michael, guess what I happened to notice?
11:05I happened to notice that Star Trek is on
11:07The one about the Romulan cloaking device
11:08My third favorite
11:15Shelby
11:17Let's talk
11:19Nicole told you
11:21Yeah
11:21Look, I can't speak for Michael
11:23But uh
11:24But Michael and I were a lot alike
11:25No, you're not
11:26Well, we're somewhat alike
11:28No, you're not
11:31You both have heads
11:32Give him that
11:35Go on
11:36Alright, well I happen to know a lot about Michael's taste
11:39You know what?
11:39What I'm trying to say is
11:40Like 20 years ago
11:42I mean, Michael would have done anything to go out with a girl like you
11:44I mean, he would have shown up at your school
11:46You know, in front of your lock
11:47And he would have stood there a half hour before school started
11:49Just to say hello to you
11:51You're trying to say that Michael's too old for me
11:52That he could never have any feelings for me
11:54No, no, no, no
11:55I happen to know that he likes you a lot
11:57As Nicole's friend
11:58Because that's the way he looks at you
11:59I mean, realistically
12:00And that's the way you should look at him
12:02I mean, this is your friend's father
12:03You understand?
12:04This is your friend's father
12:05Yes, I understand that
12:06Do you understand what I'm feeling?
12:08Yeah, yeah
12:09I understand what you're feeling
12:11What I don't understand is
12:12Why Michael?
12:13Dad!
12:14I'm just asking
12:15I'm just asking
12:17I mean, why not
12:18To pick another example of a guy with a head?
12:21Me
12:22You and me?
12:23That's no match
12:26Of course not
12:29Why not?
12:33Because you and me both have a lot on the surface, you know
12:35Uh-huh
12:37We're surfacy
12:39Surfacy
12:40Fine, that's a good word
12:41That word doesn't exist
12:42Well, you know what she's talking about
12:44Surfacy, surfitude, surfocity, surf something
12:46What the hell are you getting at, Chuck?
12:49You and me are like Formica
12:51We're lovely to look at
12:52But underneath there's
12:53What do you call that?
12:55Plywood
12:57You're not taking this the wrong way, are you?
12:59Oh, no, I don't think so
13:01That's why it's important we find intelligent mace
13:03Well, of course it is
13:04And if you'll excuse me
13:05Uh, I'm late for brushing my hair
13:08But don't touch me
13:09Yeah, you might get a splinter
13:13You still mad at me?
13:14Well, you think you're in love with one of my fathers
13:16You just called the other one an artificial laminate
13:19You called him good looking
13:20What's the matter with you?
13:22Look, Shelby
13:23I've tried to understand this like an adult
13:25I've tried to be mature about it
13:27But this is what it all boils down to
13:29You stop being in love with my daddy
13:31Or I'll never play with you ever again
13:35You're too late
13:42Meet the Mets
13:44Hey, meet the Mets
13:45Come on down and greet the Mets
13:47So, Joe, my official med ball girl is gonna be here in a couple of minutes
13:51So, what do you think?
13:52Should I start off the evening with a national anthem?
13:54Nah, I don't want her on her feet
13:57And tonight you'll be doing what?
13:59I'll be staying in this evening
14:00Saturday night?
14:02I'm reading
14:03You're reading?
14:04Mm-hmm
14:06I'm fine, I'm fine
14:07I don't have a temperature
14:08I'm not looking for temperature
14:09I'm looking for your mind
14:09Your mind is fine, okay?
14:12It's better than fine
14:13I happen to be reading Coriolanus
14:16A play by Shakespeare
14:19A lesser play
14:20No one ever reads it
14:21But I am gonna read it
14:23And I'm not leaving this chair till I'm through
14:25How far have you gotten?
14:27Coriolanus
14:27A play by Shakespeare
14:32Hey, Nick, what's the story with Joe over here?
14:34Shelby called him for Micah
14:36And he's insulted?
14:37That's my favorite from here
14:38Hey, speaking of Shelby, uh, it's something I gotta tell you
14:41You know, I was looking over all this official paperwork
14:44And I've decided that these questions don't mean a thing
14:47Because I put you guys together
14:49Nicole is staying here forever
14:51And the main reason is your overall stability
14:54Shakespeare
14:56Shakespeare
14:57Read Shakespeare
14:58Read Shakespeare
14:58Beat for Micah
15:00Hey, I'm for Micah
15:05Pack
15:08Hey, speaking of, uh, overall stability
15:12Something I gotta tell you about Shelby
15:14That's for me
15:15Can you hold that though?
15:16We'll talk about it later
15:24wow do you like my dress yeah good because it was this or college
15:29i think i think you look spectacular thank you uh michael just a second joe listen wherever you
15:35two guys are going you are shamefully underdressed if i may say you know wherever she's going i don't
15:40know if i really want you going in michael stop it stop stop what michael you can tell nicole
15:47so what michael she's old enough to know so now what michael about us never mind
15:55what what what what michael the baseball game remember your big date with the blonde wearing
16:02the mets cap yeah well here i am right on time oh gosh hi michael hi wow you look even
16:17better
16:17right side up oh thanks hi kid wow nice dress
16:32is this by any chance what you wanted to mention to me yeah i was just trying to pick the
16:36right
16:36time where uh nobody get hurt oh well that sure worked like a charm have i come at a bad
16:41time no
16:41no no no no no there's a great time that we'll start off with a little emotional distress and
16:46we'll end up with dinner and dancing so where's bed so our dates are rain out all right well can
16:52we
16:52get a makeup game call me okay wait what what how how does this happen i couldn't catch her well
17:04how does your friend suddenly after all this time develop a crush on me what why does she have a
17:07crush on you i don't know we just say it we're at the game i didn't see anything we were
17:13sitting
17:13next week we rooted for the same team i bought a couple of hot dogs i bought her a cap
17:16i behaved
17:17exactly like a father how does she act with her father she doesn't really have a father what
17:21well her parents are divorced and he never comes around so she doesn't really have a father
17:50and they called it puppy love
18:05buy your milkshake don't you have a date yes i have a date and here i am right on time
18:13i'm so embarrassed i ruined your entire night i feel like i'm nine years old
18:18shelby and if you're here to tell me that i can't be friends with nicole anymore i completely understand
18:23listen to me you're listening i'm flattered i am flattered that you feel the way you feel that
18:31that you like me that's nice i like you too you like me like i'm 14
18:39that's right i do well how do you like me what i mean how do you how do you see
18:46me i imagine you
18:48must see me a little differently than you know your boyfriends in school
18:53yeah you're smarter than they are thanks you're more mature thanks well let's let's pick up on that
19:00word mature now when you say mature what do you mean i mean you're not an idiot yeah thanks again
19:08well we what do you when you say mature i think you're trying to say something else
19:15well go ahead no say it it's okay i can take it shelby i'm old enough to take it mr
19:22taylor i know
19:23you're trying to get me to say that you're older than i am but really you're not that much older
19:28really i'm 33 you're 14 so so i'm 19 years older than you so i'm so i'm older than you
19:40are older than
19:41you what does that mean it means that guys who are as old as the difference between us they
19:48they are already too old for you mr taylor shelby get this point would you because i'm depressing
19:55myself i know there's a big age difference now but when you're 79 i'll be 60 what's the matter with
20:01that no that's no good i'll be looking for somebody much younger than you shelby let's face it i don't
20:08i don't think that this boyfriend girlfriend thing is going to work out in our lifetime
20:14besides if you really cared about me i don't think you'd want me as a boyfriend
20:18why not well just thinking you know how long did you go out with your last boyfriend the kid with
20:23the six weeks yeah what about the guy before that with all that half a month yeah and before that
20:27the kid who had four days okay what's your point well i'm just saying i think we've known each other
20:32a lot longer than these guys and in all the times that we've known each other i've seen boyfriends
20:36come and go but we're still here and we still like each other so what you know why should we
20:42ruin
20:43what we have what do we have
20:49you're my daughter's best friend that's you know any best friend of my daughter is automatically
20:55kind of a sort of daughter of mine
21:01you and nicole you're gonna grow up together and you're gonna hang out together and you're gonna do
21:05everything together and if ever in all that time you need a father type for anything you know that i'm
21:15gonna be around
21:19you know that
21:23i have a great deal of experience you know
21:27i've been doing this almost a year
21:42hey nick you got a lot of friends and they ever mention me
21:53so shelby looks like you and i both free for dinner
21:56you think we should invite joey and nicole
22:00yes please
22:01you can come in guys
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