- 7 minutes ago
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FunTranscript
00:03I just want to say goodnight over the phone.
00:05It looks like I'm going to be here a little longer.
00:07Yeah, you know, I just put together a real estate investment trust for our biggest client.
00:11A real estate investment trust.
00:13A new stereo for you.
00:15All right, I love you, too. I'll see you in the morning.
00:17Good night.
00:18Mr. Kelcher.
00:19Sit down, Taylor.
00:20Mr. Kelcher, you're going to be a happy man when you see the deal I put together.
00:24Sit down, Taylor.
00:29I'm sitting.
00:30Slump.
00:37Good morning, Joey. Time to get up. You're the best.
00:42Good morning, Joey. Time to get up. You're the best.
00:49Morning.
00:52Hey, your turn to make breakfast this morning.
00:55Oh, can't, Joey. Very busy, very important day.
01:00I want waffles.
01:02Can't, Joe. Sorry.
01:04Phone calls, meetings, work.
01:05Work.
01:07Morning, Dads.
01:08Hi, sweetheart. Don't worry.
01:09Listen, we're always going to be able to take care of you no matter what.
01:11But right now, I have a very busy, very important day.
01:16How important could it be if you forgot his shoes?
01:24Hey.
01:27Hey, Mike.
01:28Hey.
01:29My shoes.
01:30Yeah.
01:31They were, uh, on the chair.
01:33And they should be on my feet.
01:35You're the heart and soul of this family, Joe.
01:39Well, I'm on my way to work now.
01:42Bye-bye.
01:46Bye.
01:48Hey, Mike.
01:49Are you okay to go to work?
01:50I mean, you want me to call your office and tell me you're not coming in
01:52because you're sitting in the hallway barefoot?
01:55There is no office, Joe.
01:57I lost my job yesterday.
02:00And I don't need my shoes because I have nowhere to go.
02:07Could you make me breakfast, then?
02:16You can count on me
02:18No matter what you do
02:21You can count on me
02:23No matter where you go
02:26Standing by your side
02:27I'll be right behind
02:29No one loves you more than I do
02:33Put your hand in mine
02:34I can see a part of me and you
02:39A little something special
02:42That comes shining through
02:44I feel it in your laughter
02:46And I feel it when you cry
02:49I won't be right there for you
02:52Until the day I die
02:55You can count on me
02:57No matter what you do
03:00You can count on me
03:02No matter where you go
03:05You can count on me
03:09Man, you lost your job
03:12Gee, how'd you lose your job?
03:14I don't know
03:16Yesterday I'm a rising star in the financial community
03:19And today I'm a bum
03:20I'm a bum with shoes
03:23Which is the worst thing I could be
03:24Because now when I fall asleep in an alley
03:26Shoes are the first things they steal
03:29Are you handling it okay?
03:31I mean, besides being pathetic
03:33And getting dressed to go nowhere
03:36Are you okay?
03:37Can we not tell Nicole?
03:38I don't want Nicole to know
03:39I just, I want to be strong in front of her
03:41I'll put on a happy face
03:47Hi, honey
03:49Joey brought me my shoes
03:52And we're sitting on the floor now
03:54So it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood?
03:58Hey, Nick
03:59Why don't you have to go to school now?
04:01Well, aren't you going to work, Dad?
04:04Yeah, well, honey
04:06Something happened at work yesterday
04:09And what happened was
04:10They, uh
04:12They changed my office
04:13And my new one isn't ready yet
04:14Can you believe it?
04:14So I'm going to go in a little later today
04:17Oh, well, then I'll see you tonight, then
04:18Okay
04:20See you later, sweetie
04:20Okay
04:27Come on, I think you should have told me
04:29You explain it to her
04:29I can't, how can I explain it to her?
04:31I look
04:31I'm sitting at my desk yesterday
04:33I'm wallowing in job security
04:35And my boss, Kelcher
04:36He comes over
04:37And he tells me
04:37They're selling the company
04:39I said, how can you do that?
04:40He says, it's a leveraged buyout
04:42He says, Taylor
04:42You should understand it
04:43It's finances
04:44You understand finances?
04:45You used to be in a business
04:47And then they replaced me
04:49Joe, they just
04:49They replaced me
04:50How could they replace you?
04:52I mean, you're the key man in the company
04:53Kelcher used to call you
04:54In the middle of the night
04:55Just to make sure you're still alive
04:57I mean, how can they get rid of you?
04:59How?
05:00Well, it was a very catchy little tune
05:02And it went something like this
05:07Bye
05:12Well, come on
05:13You can't live in the hall
05:15No, I don't want to go in there
05:16I don't want to be at home during the day
05:17Why not?
05:19Why not?
05:20Because if I step across there
05:21I'm dead
05:21I'll become this pathetic loft thing
05:23I'll grow a beard
05:24I'll eat flies
05:24I'm not going to do it
05:25I don't want to get in there
05:26Come on
05:33Is this what it's like here?
05:34Every day?
05:35Yeah, yeah
05:36As soon as you leave, Michael
05:37It turns into this
05:39Come on, take a cold
05:40No, no, no
05:41Can't, can't cold
05:41Can't sit
05:42Got to keep moving
05:43I'm going to keep moving
05:43Keep the edge
05:45Who is that?
05:45Who?
05:45Hey, who is he?
05:46Who would be here?
05:47It's people I've never seen before
05:48It's the day people, isn't it?
05:53Hey, Judge
05:54Hi, Joe
05:55Michael's surprised to find you here
05:56Would you tell him that?
05:58I'm trying to get out of the house
05:59I'm making breakfast for everybody
06:03I was just on my way to work
06:04And I wanted to drop off this key
06:06Because I'm expecting the gas man
06:07And that's all I really came to say
06:09Except, how's your job, Michael?
06:12My job?
06:14If I could get there, I'm sure it's fine
06:16How's your job?
06:17Fine
06:17Job
06:17Fine
06:18Fine, how do you know?
06:21What's that?
06:22Yep
06:22Big article
06:23Big buyout
06:24Says your boss, Kelcher
06:26Really made out on the deal
06:27So I came by to find out
06:28How you were making out
06:30How are you, Michael?
06:33Me?
06:33What, are you kidding me?
06:34I'm fine
06:34I'm fine
06:35I'll get another job in a second
06:36I'm the kind of guy
06:37I bounce right back
06:38Bounce, bounce
06:39You can't keep me now
06:40Bounce
06:41Bounce
06:42Wait, you think this business
06:43Can live without me?
06:44No
06:44It can't
06:45I'm one of a kind
06:46There is no one out there
06:47Like me
06:48Bounce
06:49Bounce
06:50Bounce
06:50Bounce
06:51Bounce
06:52Bounce
06:55Bounce
06:55This makes you the normal one
07:14Michael?
07:28Hello
07:29Hello
07:31Hello
07:31Dad
07:31What do you think of my new outfit?
07:33Your new outfit?
07:34Yes
07:35It's a school ski trip
07:36Remember you and Joey promised
07:38For all A's and B's
07:39On my report card
07:39And you got them?
07:41Yeah
07:44Now here's a receipt
07:45For the jacket
07:45And here's a list
07:47Of some other things
07:48I need
07:48Like boots
07:49Ski rental
07:49Lift tickets
07:50Bus fare
07:50And spending money
07:52So I can bring you back
07:53A cute souvenir
07:59Can I borrow
08:00Like a squillion dollars?
08:02Bad day on the job hunt
08:04Who told you?
08:07I've laughed
08:09Do you know I got turned down
08:10For ten jobs today?
08:11That means there's ten guys
08:13Out there better than me
08:14At what I do
08:14And that's one day
08:15I mean in a year
08:17There's thirty six hundred and fifty
08:18Guys better than me
08:19At what I do
08:20In a hundred years
08:21There's three hundred sixty five
08:22Thousand guys
08:23Better than me
08:23At what I do
08:24That's bleak
08:27Michael
08:28Any guy
08:29As smart as you are
08:30Is gonna land on his feet
08:34You know when I'm
08:36Compassionate like this
08:37Makes me nauseous
08:40Yeah
08:41Losing your job
08:42Is real tough
08:42Michael
08:44Happens to the best of us
08:45Though
08:46Let me tell you this story
08:47No
08:53You know in football
08:54You don't get fired
08:55You get traded
08:56Yeah and it's in the paper
08:57And everybody reads about it
08:58So
09:00Who you get traded for
09:01Kind of lets you know
09:02What you're worth
09:03For example
09:05In 1978
09:06I was traded to Atlanta
09:07For a bucket of chicken
09:10It was late in my career
09:11And they were hungry
09:14A bucket of chicken gets work
09:15I can't get arrested
09:17How do I explain this to Nicole?
09:20I'm sure she'll be real supportive
09:22I mean
09:22You're her father
09:24How many fathers does a kid have?
09:26Sorry
09:33Uh
09:33Honey?
09:39Hi
09:41Michael what's going on?
09:43You haven't been yourself all day
09:45Yesterday
09:46The company that I work for
09:47Got bought
09:48And you know how sometimes
09:50When you buy a house
09:51The old furniture doesn't
09:52Go with it anymore?
09:53Well yesterday
09:54I found out that I'm
09:55Kind of like an old couch
09:59You lost your job?
10:03Sorry
10:14This is very nice
10:16This is about as wonderful
10:18As I have felt all day
10:21Thank you
10:23No no don't stop
10:24I'll think of more bad news
10:25To tell you
10:27Well I'm not going on my ski trip
10:29What is that?
10:30You have enough to worry about
10:32Without having to think about me
10:33I don't want to be expensive
10:34You're not expensive
10:36Well what happens
10:37If you don't get a job soon
10:38And you can't afford me anymore?
10:39Then we sell Joey
10:43First of all
10:44I don't need this jacket
10:45You put that jacket back on
10:48And you go out there
10:49And buy the ski boots to match
10:51Now that's a bad philosophy Joe
10:53If you catch them
10:54I'm still unemployed
10:54They're not quite unique
10:55As I thought drift
10:57We're tightening our belts Joey
10:58We're biting the bullet
11:01Would you stop honey?
11:02Help me reassure her
11:03Please?
11:03Hey we are okay
11:04We are just fine
11:05Because today I went out
11:07And got myself a job
11:11I'm sorry
11:11You got what?
11:13Hey
11:13I'm not kidding
11:14Hey you've been out there
11:15You've been a breadwinner long enough
11:16Today I went out and joined the
11:18Ranks of the working class
11:19Hey Joe you have a job
11:20You're an artist
11:21Yeah yeah
11:22And I'm still an artist
11:23In the art department
11:24Of an advertising agency full time
11:26Hey
11:27So you keep this jacket sweetheart
11:29You go out there
11:30And you'll be the prettiest girl
11:31Out there in the slopes
11:34Did you hear that Michael?
11:35I can keep the jacket
11:36Thanks Joey
11:52So you are in charge
11:53Of the entire dog food account?
11:55Well just the art part
11:57I mean you know
11:57It's a half a million dollar budget
11:59So it's a big responsibility
12:00But you know
12:00I'm not gonna let that get to me
12:04All right look
12:05I don't want to make
12:05A big deal out of this
12:07But would you people
12:08Please remember
12:09The little plastic scrubby
12:11Goes on the right side
12:12Of the sink
12:12Next to the soap
12:14I mean if we're not
12:15Gonna put the scrubby
12:16Back where it belongs
12:17We might as well
12:18Not even have a scrubby
12:19All right
12:22All right Nick
12:23Get your books
12:24Put on a sweater
12:24We got a bus to catch
12:30Hey wait wait wait
12:31Here let me
12:32I got it
12:33I got it
12:34I got it
12:34Okay
12:35Hey you get the hang of it
12:36I don't want to get the hang of this
12:38All right I admit it
12:39I have laundry anxiety
12:40I have no idea
12:41Where in the cycle
12:42I'm supposed to take
12:43Those non-static clean sheets
12:45From the shelf
12:45And throw them into the washer
12:46Dry
12:47Huh?
12:48They're going to dry
12:48Fire me
12:55I tried to get them off
12:56But they kept
12:56Jumping back on
12:59I gotta get a job
13:04Come here
13:05Come here
13:05Watch this
13:06Ready?
13:09You'll get the hang of it
13:11That's the attitude
13:12Okay?
13:13Yep
13:14It's my bathrobe
13:15I'll get it
13:17See
13:18The job offers
13:19Are already coming
13:19In
13:21Michael
13:21Taylor's office
13:22Cut the crap
13:23Taylor
13:24What are you doing
13:24The laundry?
13:25Hey Mr. Kelcher
13:26Where are you?
13:27Hard to say
13:27Taylor
13:28Know why
13:28Tell you why
13:29I'm on a
13:29Concorde
13:30Supersonic transport
13:32Shooting through the skies
13:33At 10,000 miles an hour
13:34Right now
13:35I'm flying over
13:35Spain
13:36France
13:36Portugal
13:37England
13:37Ireland
13:38Okay
13:38It's all water now
13:40How you doing?
13:41Me I'm fine
13:42I'm sorting through
13:42The job offers
13:43You know
13:43Atta boy
13:44Don't let them
13:44Get you cheap
13:45No sir
13:46Now listen Taylor
13:47I didn't call
13:47To flap lips here
13:48I need some investment
13:49Advice
13:49You're the best there is
13:50I am?
13:51For free
13:53Well what can I do
13:54For you sir?
13:54Well as you know
13:55Taylor
13:56I made out like a bandit
13:57Selling the company
13:57So I'm sitting here
13:58With a pile of money
13:59Which Uncle Sam is ironed
14:00Like it's an open bag
14:01Of Fritos
14:02You want to shelter
14:03Your money?
14:04Not shelter
14:04Protect
14:05Not protect
14:06Hide
14:06That's the one
14:09Well sir
14:09This is a straightforward
14:11Liquidation
14:11I mean
14:11If you can roll
14:13Some of the money
14:14Into another business
14:14Before the end of the year
14:15Then we can take advantage
14:16Of the
14:17You know
14:17Non-recognition
14:18Or gain or loss
14:19Of appreciated property
14:20Is that the legal way to go?
14:21Yeah
14:22Well that's a good
14:23Fallback position
14:23I owe you one Taylor
14:25Hey Mr. Kelcher
14:26You know all this
14:27You were the head of the company
14:28What
14:29You're just calling to see
14:30How I'm doing
14:31Aren't you?
14:32What?
14:33Oh I can't hear you
14:35We're breaking up
14:37We must be flying through a tunnel
14:39Well bye
15:03I love it
15:04I love everything about it
15:07Love the dog
15:08Love that he's looking
15:09At the can of food
15:10Yeah that was a little
15:11Love the can of food
15:14There's only one thing
15:15I love a little less
15:16Than I love everything else
15:17That I love
15:17The face
15:18The dog's face
15:20The attitude
15:21Of the dog's face
15:24The dog's attitude?
15:25It doesn't look happy
15:26Well he is happy
15:27It doesn't look happy
15:28Yeah well how happy
15:29Do you want?
15:31Happier
15:32I mean it's a dog
15:33What do you want him to do
15:33Smile?
15:34He has to be happy
15:35Now you're the artist
15:37I wouldn't impinge
15:38On your creative area
15:41Just happy up the dog
15:43What do you want to see teeth?
15:44I mean you want to see
15:45A grinning dog with dimples?
15:47I mean I spent a lot of time
15:48Looking at dogs
15:49Okay I went to the park
15:50I took squeaky toys
15:51And lamb chops
15:52And you know when those dogs
15:53Sold us squeaky toys
15:54And lamb chops
15:54They were the happiest dogs
15:56In the world
15:56But not one of those dogs
15:57Said oh
16:01Okay Joe
16:03What I want is
16:06A happy dog
16:09Hey I can draw a scooby doo
16:11That's a happy dog
16:12Augie doggy
16:13And doggy daddy
16:13And a whole happy little doggy family
16:15I mean you want to see him
16:16With bow ties and hats
16:17You want him to dance
16:18Huh?
16:20Trust your instinct
16:21Go with me
16:22Happy dogs
16:23Funky pups
16:25I'm excited
16:26Draw
16:29Come on
16:29I put the feet in the donuts
16:31I did the whole banana family
16:32I mean can't we save this dog
16:34Some dignity?
16:36Okay Joe
16:37Give the dog his dignity
16:39Thank you
16:41And a hat
16:47Welcome back to Family Feud
16:49Let's say hi to our challengers
16:50The Edwards family
16:51Hi
16:52Now this is your first time on the field
16:54So tell us a little bit about yourselves
16:56Well Ray
16:57All five of us are investment advisors
16:59We've just moved to New York City
17:01And we're all looking for jobs
17:07Hey Joey
17:08Good day at work?
17:10Look at this place
17:12What's the matter?
17:14Hey I put in an eight hour day
17:15So there's food on that table
17:16I mean there's so much to ask
17:17To come home to a clean place
17:19Hey who am I?
17:20Donna Reed?
17:21Hey Donna kept a clean house
17:23Look at you
17:24Look I gotta come home
17:25To see you looking like this
17:26Come on
17:27Why can't you put on something nice?
17:31What the hell am I talking about?
17:35Tense Joe?
17:36Cracking under the responsibility
17:38Of a nine to five existence
17:39And incidentally
17:40It's only three o'clock
17:41How do I know?
17:42Because my soaps just ended
17:43So what are you doing
17:44Please tell me
17:45That it's a legal holiday
17:46I quit my job
17:48No you didn't
17:49Yes I did
17:49No you didn't
17:50Yes I did
17:50No you didn't
17:51Because you know as well as I do
17:52That your job is the only thing
17:54Standing between us
17:54And our new life
17:55Living in a packing crate
17:56I quit because those executives
17:58Are sucking my soul out
17:59Yeah but Joey
18:00If it makes them happy
18:02You have no creative control
18:03Nothing
18:04Okay
18:04They want me to come up
18:05With this mindless stuff for idiots
18:06That's my responsibility
18:08No
18:08Your responsibility is to keep us afloat
18:11Joe your responsibility
18:12Is to stay employed
18:13Till I can get back on my feet
18:14We are afloat Michael
18:15Hey I've always been afloat
18:17Okay
18:17My money may not come in
18:18At five o'clock on Friday
18:19But it manages to come in
18:21And you're the one
18:22That's been reduced to a bathrobe
18:23And black socks
18:24My next interview
18:25Is not until next Thursday
18:26Well then get out there
18:27Enjoy the city
18:28What are you scared of?
18:30I'm not scared of anything
18:31Yeah you're scared
18:32That you're gonna run into somebody
18:33And that you're not gonna
18:34Be able to introduce yourself
18:35Because your business card expired
18:36And so do you
18:37Hey cut it out
18:38This isn't about me
18:39You're the one who quit your job
18:40Yeah but I'm still me
18:41You lost your job
18:43And who are you?
18:44Look at you
18:45You think that your job
18:47Is your whole self worth
18:50You don't know what you're talking about
18:52Hey dads
18:53What's new?
18:54I quit my idiot job
18:59What is the story with you guys?
19:02Hey you see your father?
19:04Yeah
19:04Describe him
19:05What?
19:06Michael Taylor
19:06In three words
19:07What is he?
19:10He's cute
19:14Funny
19:16Smart
19:17Thank you sweetheart
19:19What is your point?
19:20You're not looking deep enough
19:21Three more words
19:22Who is this guy?
19:26Father
19:28Friend
19:30Good
19:31How's that?
19:33I'm sorry Michael
19:34I'm sorry but
19:35Obviously
19:36Your daughter has missed
19:37The whole point of your existence
19:38What do you mean?
19:40What did I miss?
19:40You didn't give me time to prepare
19:42You missed suit
19:43Paycheck
19:44Businessman
19:44You missed desk
19:46Income
19:47Briefcase
19:48Wait
19:48You asked me who he is
19:50Not what he does
19:52Oh
19:53Oh that's right
19:54I did
19:55Didn't I?
19:59Beautiful
20:00Precious
20:01Perfect
20:05Smartass
20:06Lunatic
20:08Thank you
20:22Mr. Kelcher
20:23Hey
20:24God
20:25Taylor
20:25You look like hell
20:27Come on in
20:28You know my daughter Nicole?
20:29You've grown
20:29I imagine
20:32And my co-father
20:33Joey Harris
20:34Of course
20:34I remember Harris
20:35He's part of the reason I came here
20:37He's going to work for me
20:38What?
20:39I took your advice Taylor
20:40I bought a business
20:41A nice small business
20:43Charming little enterprise
20:44Tax write-off
20:45That's the one
20:46It's a magazine
20:47Financial update
20:48I'm sure you've seen it
20:49And thrown it out
20:51And you're going to work for me
20:52Harris
20:52You know why?
20:53Tell you why
20:53You know layout
20:54You know design
20:55You know I'm not going to pay you much
20:57But it's a great ground floor opportunity
20:59So how about it?
21:00So I'd be the artistic director?
21:02You'd be the art department
21:04Hey
21:05That's creative control Joe
21:06No idiot in a suit
21:07Telling me what to do?
21:09I'll wear a sport coat
21:10No interference
21:11You know why?
21:12Tell me why
21:13You screw up
21:14We lose money
21:14The more we lose
21:15The bigger my write-off
21:16You don't screw up
21:17We make a profit
21:18Profit is money
21:19Write-off is money
21:20Money is money
21:22Jeez
21:22I love this country
21:23Deal?
21:25You gotta give me time
21:26To think about it
21:26Well while you think
21:27I'll talk to this pathetic
21:28Bathrobe creature over here
21:30Okay I need one more piece
21:31Of free advice Taylor
21:32This magazine is going to need
21:34A business manager
21:35A rising star
21:36Of the financial community
21:37Who do you know?
21:39What are you going to pay him?
21:41You're adorable
21:43Okay you guys
21:44You in?
21:45Well I think we need some time
21:46To weigh our other options
21:47Who are you kidding?
21:48You start Monday morning
21:499 a.m.
21:50I'll be in around noon
21:51Then I'm going out to lunch
21:52Hold my calls
21:54Hey Herb
21:57You knew the whole time
21:58That you were going to do this
21:59Didn't you?
22:00I mean in your
22:00In your own way
22:02You're watching out for me
22:03Aren't you?
22:04What?
22:05I can't hear you
22:07We're breaking up again
22:09I'll give you a call
22:15I got a job
22:17I got a job
22:18Well the best thing is
22:20Now you guys get to work together
22:22Yeah
22:23I got a job
22:23I got a job
22:29I got a job
22:30I got a job
22:31I got a job
22:32I got a job
22:33I got a job
22:34I got a job
22:36I got a job
22:37I got a job
22:39I got a job
22:39I got a job
22:39I got a job
22:39I got a job
22:39I got a job
22:39I got a job
22:40I got a job
22:40I got a job
22:43I got a job
22:43I got a job
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