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00:05coffee what a day huh judge after a long winter there's nothing like waking up to the birds
00:10singing and the sun shining on your face yeah you just can't help walking around smiling on a day
00:16like this can you judge pardon the cup i don't understand why i have to wear a jacket today i
00:22mean it's like summer out that's pneumonia weather what's that it's the season between
00:26winter and spring when only my mother is cold why do i have to bundle up as my mother explains
00:32it
00:32you have to be very careful when it's warm before it's supposed to because you get disoriented and
00:36you go crazy for the rest of your life can you believe that okay let's take the day off and
00:41hit
00:42the beach yes hey mr kufkus got any big plans for the summer well if my mother can afford it
00:50i'm
00:50hoping she'll let me go to interlocken the performing arts camp yeah for my singing really
00:55you're going away well yeah but the camp's good separated by a lake and i'm a lousy swimmer so
01:01why don't you come hey yeah can i go can you sing can i sing he's asking me if i
01:07can sing
01:08have a nice summer that hammer's a cookie why don't i take that cory come on you know your money's
01:15no
01:15good in here it's on him dad you're really gonna go to the beach today yeah i took the bike
01:25out of
01:25the garage this morning got cory's brother roy waxing it up for me figure maybe i'll go down to
01:29coney island you know paint a boardwalk scene wait a minute you let my brother near your motorcycle
01:34call yeah what cup kiss party one this is me nicole bradford cute huh this is my dad and this
02:01is my dad
02:02how'd i get you dad they inherited me congratulations it's a girl here's the judge
02:08who brought us together she lives in our building my building i own it she's gonna make sure we're one
02:13big happy family with one dad who's down to earth and one dad with his head in the clouds i
02:18i think
02:19we're father of the year
02:20you can count on me no matter what you do you can count on me no matter where you go
02:45you can count on me
02:58my bike my door hey guys we got roy cupkis lying in a heap let's deal with what's important here
03:04my bike my door hey boy are you sure you're all right i'm terrific i found a parking spot in
03:13new york
03:16hey who the hell told you you could ride my bike i was sitting on it polishing the handlebars
03:21my foot must have slipped oh your foot slipped oh his foot slipped hey you know that happens to me
03:28every once in a while too like now wait wait wait look at the bike not a scratch on it
03:34stand still
03:35i want to hurt you well why would you ever stay trying like that huh look at look at the
03:39wax job
03:45okay
03:48hey you did you did good work 10 bucks or free your choice
03:54hey come on let's go show's over you guys got school i got work joey's got
04:00whatever it is he does and we can all leave through this convenient exit that the elder cupkis
04:05was kind enough to forge for us
04:09so could i put you down for once a week
04:19you are one large son of a gun you know that
04:23well let's see i suppose i could press charges for a cost of a new door but these days it
04:29takes so long
04:29to get in front of a judge oh here we are
04:36okay court's in session the honorable me presiding
04:41roy cupkis you stand accused of breaking down klawicki's door
04:46how do you plead you guilty little juvenile delinquent
04:51how much you want for the door
04:53five hundred i'll cover it five hundred dollars where do you expect me to get that kind of money
04:57i expect you to knock over a gas station
05:01which is why i'm sentencing you to work it off here
05:04what
05:06you can use the help klawicki
05:08and i'm sure he can use the responsibility
05:11why don't you let him work as a busboy
05:14let him cook
05:16he doesn't know how to cook
05:18trust me no one will know the difference
05:23okay
05:24all right kid grab an apron get to work on the dishes
05:27i'll pay you what's the minimum wage
05:29three thirty five
05:30two seventy five an hour
05:33which i'll keep until you make good on the door
05:36washing dishes
05:37well gee that's a swell offer and a golden career move
05:41and i'd probably be forced to take you up on it if i was like
05:44some mutant from neptune without a mother
05:46who i got eaten out of my hand and would gladly cover the damages
05:50i believe i made the way out
05:56great
05:57now i got a big hole in the wall and the flies will come in
06:01no they won't klawicki
06:02give them some credit
06:07so you're gonna tell mom about what happened today at quickies
06:10or are you gonna keep it a secret
06:12hey squeaky when have i ever tried to keep something i've done a secret from ma
06:15oh well the correct answer to that would be your whole entire life
06:22look it was an accident
06:23parents forgive their children for accidents and then they repair the damage that their children have accidentally done
06:29that's what a parent does
06:32personally i don't get the attraction
06:35i guess neither did dad
06:37hey forget about dad he went out running five years ago and he kept going
06:43his thighs must be this big
06:47ma hi
06:50let me take that for you
06:51what'd you do how many people were hurt
06:55mom
06:55hello my perfect child did you have a good day
06:58mm-hmm
06:58good
06:59ma sometimes i get the impression you love him more than you love me
07:01boy you know i love you both the same
07:05cory my angel who never caused me to drink
07:09i want to talk to you about that camp you want to go to so much
07:12interlocking
07:13mm-hmm
07:13okay well then we got something important to talk about okay ma
07:16but first i'm gonna put these away
07:20for you
07:23were there police involved
07:26cory you know when you first asked me to go to camp last year i wanted to send you
07:30but it was a little too expensive
07:32ah that's okay is it still too expensive
07:34no it just took every spare penny we've got so you better write me every day
07:40i will thanks mom
07:41you're welcome
07:42oh now stop it you're too old to be hugging your mommy
07:45come on stop it
07:49roy okay your turn
07:52now what's this important thing you want to tell me
07:56oh uh i got a job in a restaurant
08:04hey waiter where's our burgers
08:07hey waiter hurry up with those fries
08:15nice apron bud
08:18it's your mother's
08:22who gets the burger
08:23ah it's mine
08:25and uh it better be rare
08:27or i'll have to make you take it back
08:29nine or ten times
08:33well gee mitch
08:34i think it is but
08:35let's check
08:39mmm yummy
08:42who gets the fries
08:44freeze
08:46now put the fries down
08:47real slow
08:49where i can see them
08:55you'd like to apologize for the service
08:57and to make it up
08:58you'd like to buy them dinner right
09:00i ain't buying them nothing
09:03ooh
09:04my waiter seems to need a quick attitude adjustment
09:07won't take a minute
09:10come roy
09:10hey
09:11leave my hair alone
09:13you're not my father
09:14aren't we both real glad of that
09:18what are you doing over there
09:19they're just my friends
09:20well in here they're my customers
09:22and you exist to wait on my customers hand and foot
09:25as long as they come in here with money in their pockets
09:36it's good to see a guy uh enjoy his work huh
09:45you have my apologies
09:46and uh burgers on me
09:50thanks
09:55hi how are you
09:57nice to see you
09:57how you doing
09:58by the way
09:59you were all wonderful in west side story
10:06was the uh service here adequate ladies and gentlemen
10:09oh yes
10:10we liked it so much
10:11that we're gonna leave the waiter a five dollar tip
10:13what
10:14all right
10:20thank you
10:23thank you
10:27trabihar
10:27verb
10:28to work
10:31conjugation is
10:32trabaho
10:33trabihas
10:34trabaha
10:34trabihamos
10:35trabihais
10:36trabihand
10:37but you were a football player mr kluiki
10:40where'd you pick up all your skill in foreign languages
10:42place kickers
10:46roy
10:47i'm on my break
10:48yeah that's fine
10:49but i was thinking maybe you can get a little homework accomplished like cory here
10:53instead of reading your car magazine
10:55roy knows everything there is to know about cars
10:58and when i get older
10:58he's gonna teach me how to drive
11:00right roy
11:01i might
11:03it's great having an older brother
11:05did you ever have one like roy
11:07like roy
11:08no
11:09darn it
11:15yes ma'am
11:16may i help you
11:17thank you i'm just here to see my boys
11:19hi mom
11:19hi honey
11:21let's go honey it's getting late
11:23roy here i made you some dinner
11:25oh thanks mom
11:27excuse me but
11:28this is a restaurant
11:29you didn't have to go to the trouble
11:31yes i did i've eaten in this restaurant
11:35uh mom this is the mr kluiki i've been telling you all about
11:38he's a famous football player
11:40well not so famous
11:42i guess not otherwise
11:43you could probably afford a front door
11:48yeah
11:50the old one suddenly came apart
11:52and this is my mom
11:57karen kupkis
11:59ed kluiki
12:01i got an idea
12:03since we're already here
12:04um
12:05why don't we
12:06you know
12:06like
12:07i'll have dinner
12:08together
12:09yeah
12:09no
12:11lousy idea
12:12why
12:14because
12:15you and mom got to get home
12:16and uh me and mr kluiki got work to do
12:19actually it's
12:19it's kind of a slow night
12:22why don't i whip us all up some pot roast
12:24maybe i can change your mind about my restaurant
12:27i don't know
12:29what do you mean you don't know mom
12:31when's the last time you had someone cook for you
12:33and besides i'm picking up the check
12:37well now how can i turn down an offer like that
12:39good
12:42put it on roy's tab
12:57problem
12:59yeah problem
13:01and it's you
13:02why what did i do
13:04why don't we all have dinner together
13:06when was the last time you had somebody cook for you mom
13:10what are you trying to do
13:13well maybe i think mom could like mr kluiki
13:15he's nice he's smart he's got all his own teeth
13:19well maybe i don't want ma to like mr kluiki
13:22you little cupid squirrel head
13:25why not what's the matter with him
13:27she can do better all right
13:29roy you say that about every guy she goes out with
13:32and every guy she goes out with you're ready to call dad and buy him a father's day card
13:37what's wrong with wanting a father
13:39we have a father
13:41oh sure we do he's probably running through kenya by now
13:45look he hasn't stopped by to stay alone five years and we haven't had a phone call in eight months
13:49i think he's trying to tell us something roy
13:51and i'm trying to tell you something
13:54we're doing fine without some guy coming in here to play daddy for a while before
13:58he decides i'm good for nothing and takes off too
14:02what are you talking about
14:04i'm talking about dad had a reason for leaving okay
14:09now before you may have been too young to know what that reason was
14:13but now you're old enough to know
14:16what was his reason
14:20you're looking at him
14:28judge
14:30you know how sometimes michael and joey will run into a problem with nicole and
14:34sometimes you step in to help and sometimes you don't
14:38well what i need to know is how to determine when to step in
14:43problem with the kufkas boys
14:45that's amazing how did you know
14:47i hate you i love you and i despise you
14:52it's this sixth sense i have
14:54this radar for human behavior
14:57you drove dad away and i'm gonna mess you up
15:00don't underestimate me roy because because i got ketchup and i'm not afraid to use it
15:07so i should step in
15:10carefully klawicki family relationships are very delicate and before you know it you're in deeper than you intended
15:16no chance judge watch how lightly i tread
15:20that's right mr pokey hold me back
15:24how's it going kid
15:27fine except i'm sitting on a fork
15:34corey
15:35is there something you want to tell me
15:38no mr pokey i just need to work things through with roy
15:44roy roy the kitchen
15:50corey i can't force you to talk about what's bothering you
15:54but i think of you and me as kind of pals
15:58and if you want to
16:00i'll listen
16:18oh hi ed
16:19come on in
16:21listen uh
16:24i normally don't interfere in family matters
16:27should i be sitting down
16:30maybe so
16:33see
16:34i'm this guy with a restaurant
16:36and i stand behind the counter and
16:39people come in and sometimes they talk and
16:42sometimes i listen and
16:44sometimes i hear things
16:46somebody's mother should know
16:48look ed i know whatever it is you're trying to say is difficult for you
16:51i don't want to meddle
16:52meddle ed because life is passing us by
16:56all right
16:59why'd your husband leave you
17:00now was that so hard
17:03none of your business ed
17:07an employee of mine thinks he was the reason
17:11roy
17:13that's what he told his brother and
17:16that's what his brother told me
17:20i saw what it was doing to the brothers
17:24and i see what it's doing to you
17:26i never interfered in any family before
17:30and i never will again
17:31ed
17:33thank you
17:39i was just leaving
17:43why was he here
17:45i gotta see him all day
17:46why do i gotta see him when i come home too
17:48roy
17:50what have you been thinking all these years
17:53what
17:54we need to talk about your father
17:57i got homework
17:58you haven't done homework since sixth grade
18:02yeah i'm way behind
18:06sit down
18:07don't tell me what to do okay
18:08sit
18:09down
18:11yeah i've been on my feet all day
18:15all these years you think you had something to do with your father being gone and you decided
18:19to keep that inside
18:20no ma it's the first thing i say when i meet people
18:23hi i'm roy kupkis father repellent
18:27you think he left because of you
18:30i was never good enough in school
18:32i was never good enough in sports
18:34nothing i did was good enough
18:37that's why he gave up on me
18:39that's why he left
18:41roy
18:45nobody walks out on a 12 year old kid
18:48if he wanted to walk out on you
18:50he would have done it when you were 12 weeks
18:52and cheesing on his shirt
18:53so don't flatter yourself sonny boy
18:55he walked out on me
18:59he didn't love me
19:00he loved you
19:03you're just like him
19:04you're stubborn and you're wrong
19:08you're your father's son
19:10except you love me
19:13how do you know
19:17you sat down
19:19you stayed to listen
19:21your father would have left the room
19:25it's because i'm scared of you
19:26yeah it's a form of love
19:28it is
19:31you scared of me too
19:34yeah i'm scared of you very much
19:41yeah come here and give your mother a hug
19:44yeah i'm tired of sitting anyway
19:55michael
19:56joey
19:57nicole
20:01don't ever fight
20:02a family shouldn't fight
20:04a family should just love each other all the time
20:07what the hell happened over there clueiki
20:09she's a good woman
20:10uh-oh
20:12what color eyes she got away
20:14joey
20:15i didn't go over there for her eyes
20:17which are blue when you first look at them
20:19but after you stare a while
20:20there's these little green flecks
20:22we lost him
20:24carefully clueiki
20:25family relationships are very delicate
20:28and before you know it
20:29you're in deeper than you intended
20:30nah
20:31i'm just a casual observer
20:33i'm just a friend of the family
20:38maybe i'll give her a call
20:50i'm not buying the mad routine anymore cory
20:52you don't got it in you to be mad for ten minutes
20:56especially at me
20:57who you worship and emulate
21:00not anymore roy
21:01not if you're the reason
21:02i don't have a father
21:03oh didn't i tell you
21:05turns out for the first time in my life
21:07i was wrong
21:09i view it as a growth experience
21:12wrong about what
21:13turns out the dear old dad
21:15didn't walk out on account of me
21:17yeah ma told me
21:20walked out on account of you
21:23what
21:25couldn't stand your squirrel head face
21:26one more day
21:27and apparently when you were 12 weeks old
21:30you cheesed on his shirt
21:32i never
21:33nah i'm just pulling your leg beef
21:37really
21:37yeah
21:39look it wasn't me
21:41and it wasn't you
21:41and to tell you the truth
21:43i don't even think it was ma
21:45dad just
21:46he wasn't a responsible guy
21:48so he walked out
21:50mom thinks i'm like him
21:52but i'm not
21:52because
21:53i take responsibility
21:55for the things i do
21:58like klawicki's door
22:00did you ever tell mom about that
22:02but yeah me and ma got this new policy now
22:05we love each other to bits
22:06of course i told her about the door
22:09what door
22:11ma i didn't hear you sneak in
22:13ma
22:15excuse me
22:17hello
22:19oh hi ed you want to talk to roy
22:21oh you want to talk to me
22:25saturday night
22:27dinner
22:28well that'd be lovely ed
22:30what's the special
22:33feeling pretty good huh
22:35cupid squirrel head
22:36yeah pretty good
22:39hey well i got some news for you
22:41you know ketchup
22:45comes in squeeze bottles now
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