- 2 days ago
Watch The Office Season 9 Episode 15 online in HD on Dailymotion (2025).
Category
🐳
AnimalsTranscript
00:30Want to play hooky today?
00:31Oh, maybe. What do you got in mind?
00:34We can do anything you want.
00:35I really want to have fun today because tomorrow is going to be a nightmare.
00:40Andy's coming back from his stupid, dumb boat trip.
00:43He's been rude. He's been selfish. I think he's a big jerk.
00:47And I'm breaking up with him.
00:49Bam, Andy. How do you like me now?
00:53I hope as a friend.
00:55Erin said she's going to break up with Andy, but I'm not sure.
00:59He's coming back tomorrow, and surprise, today she wants to do whatever I'd like.
01:04You know, when I was a kid, we had a dog who got real sick, and we had to send
01:08him to a farm.
01:10And on his last day, we did everything he loved.
01:18Want to play catch in the parking lot?
01:22Sure.
01:23Great.
01:23Get my coat.
01:24Perfect.
01:28Come in.
01:29Andy, hi. I just made another huge sale for the company that you manage, so I need you to authorize
01:34that expense report and sign off on that contract.
01:37I would be happy to. It would be my pleasure, Mr. Schrute.
01:41Rink-a-dee-doo. Rink-a-dee-dee-doo. Rink-a-dee-dee-doo.
01:44I really like Andy these days. He's pretend, and he does exactly as I tell him to.
01:49All that will change when real Andy comes back tomorrow.
01:53Unless he comes back as pretend Dwight.
01:55In which case, we're in for an epic, confusing showdown.
02:02Andy left a carton of milk in the fridge, so I've been sneaking a little bit every day for the
02:09last three months.
02:10It's been yummy.
02:11But now, Andy's coming back.
02:15So, I guess it's goodbye chunky lemon milk.
02:21Okay, I'll say it.
02:23I wish Andy had stayed on his trip.
02:26I say we all have one last fun, bossless day.
02:30Yeah, let's get some booze and some cocaine and just blow it out.
02:34No consequences.
02:35Or the mini wall.
02:36They have all these Valentine's Day deals.
02:38You get 20% off if you come in with your husband or your boyfriend.
02:43But, I mean, if you don't have one of those, you can probably just bring whoever it is you use
02:48to kill your loneliness.
02:50Phil, I'll pretend to be your husband.
02:52I'm already sick of you, so it'll seem realistic.
02:55Oh, they have a nail salon there where I get my feet detailed.
02:59They use a watch repair kit.
03:01Ooh, I'll be your foot buddy.
03:03Everyone, it is our last day here with no manager.
03:06I say we go to the mini mall.
03:08Clark, he will be my fake boyfriend, so I can get the discount.
03:11That's what I do.
03:12Let's do it.
03:17Daryl, everyone seems to be pairing off.
03:19Do you want to pretend to be a couple so we get the...
03:21No, yes, yes, why wouldn't I?
03:26I want to pretend to be gay.
03:28I got no problem with that.
03:29It'll be easy.
03:30Don't be nervous.
03:31Just follow me.
03:31Stop talking about it.
03:32I said I'm fine with it.
03:34These are gross.
03:36They are terrible.
03:37Oh, hey, don't fill up on chocolates.
03:39I made us a lunch reservation at State Street Grill.
03:41Oh, my God.
03:43That's so romantic.
03:44It's with Brian and Alyssa.
03:46Oh, my God.
03:47That's less romantic.
03:48I know, but we should go.
03:51We need to thank him for, you know, saving my life.
03:54Oh, yeah, yeah.
03:55No, totally.
03:56That's good.
03:59So should we just get a bottle of wine later and celebrate?
04:03That sounds nice.
04:04I'm very excited to see Brian.
04:06Brian's a great guy, and Pam and I have gotten really close to he and his wife Alyssa over
04:10the years, and he got fired for protecting my wife from a jerk in the warehouse?
04:16I'm sorry, but you know him.
04:18He's a good guy.
04:21Oh, tiny food lady is back.
04:25Oh, get the baby clipboard.
04:27Oh, cute.
04:27Oh, cute.
04:28Oh, cute.
04:28Oh, cute.
04:29Oh, cute.
04:29Oh, cute.
04:29Oh, cute.
04:29Oh, cute.
04:30Oh, cute.
04:30Oh, cute.
04:30Oh, cute.
04:30Oh, cute.
04:31Oh, cute.
04:31Oh, cute.
04:32Oh, cute.
04:33You take off your glasses.
04:36Okay.
04:41What?
04:42Your boyfriend.
04:43He looks like a pretty girl.
04:46My boyfriend does look like a pretty girl, doesn't he?
04:49Yeah, he's a very little pretty girl.
04:50And you know what?
04:51Now that you are developing, we should go and get you a training bra.
04:57Oh, you guys both think this is funny?
04:59Well, you know what?
05:01No more discount.
05:02No.
05:03Excuse me.
05:04Oh, shush.
05:05Full price.
05:05No.
05:06We're not together.
05:07Oh, come on.
05:08She's living a lie.
05:10Turns out, I can't even be in a pretend relationship.
05:13Hi.
05:14We'd like the couple's discount on a pair of foot massages.
05:17No.
05:18No discount for two men.
05:20Two men are not a couple.
05:22We are together, romantically.
05:24Two men.
05:25No, no.
05:26These people are fine.
05:27They're just like that.
05:30It doesn't work.
05:32No discount.
05:33Oh, it works.
05:35Him and me, we are crazy in love.
05:38More in love than your small mind can comprehend.
05:41And we have two disposable incomes and no kids.
05:44And we're taking our business elsewhere.
05:57Hey, Brian.
05:58Hey.
05:59Sorry we're late.
06:01Oh, no problem.
06:02I finished all the bread.
06:04Oh, yeah.
06:06Okay.
06:07Yeah.
06:07He's on a no carb thing, supposedly.
06:10It's great to see you guys.
06:12Thanks for coming.
06:12Yeah.
06:13Are you kidding?
06:13Thank you, man.
06:14I mean, I wanted the opportunity to say thanks for everything.
06:17And I'm really sorry about the job.
06:19That just seems crazy.
06:21It's fine.
06:21What are you going to do?
06:22But if you guys know of any work, I'm fully available.
06:25Oh, my dad can't hear a thing.
06:27You could boom his whole life for him.
06:29That's okay.
06:30Great.
06:30Does he pay well?
06:32Where's Alyssa?
06:34Uh, yeah.
06:35Um, you know, Alyssa, she's not going to make it today.
06:38No.
06:39Actually, we're not going to make it.
06:42Um, we're splitting up.
06:47I have yet another sales order for you to sign.
06:51Well, I thank you, Mr. Schrute.
06:52I don't know how you do it.
06:54You're a god.
06:56Rink-a-dee-dee-dee-doo.
06:59Hi, Dwight.
07:02You're back.
07:04And you're disgusting.
07:10Oh, jeez.
07:11My nails aren't dry yet.
07:12I don't think I can work for at least a couple hours.
07:15Well, well, well.
07:16Look who it is.
07:18Andy.
07:18I guess I can cancel my order from Zappos.com because, oh, the loafers have arrived.
07:24Andy.
07:25Hey, sweetheart.
07:26I have missed you so much.
07:28Yes.
07:30Oh.
07:31Welcome back, buddy.
07:33I have been dreaming of this moment.
07:35Me too.
07:35So much.
07:37I'm so happy.
07:38I am really, really bad at breakups.
07:41Technically, I'm still dating my first-grade boyfriend.
07:44I mean, we just had our 20th anniversary.
07:46And I forgot to get him something.
07:49What happened?
07:50We thought you were coming back tomorrow.
07:51Well, Valentine's surprise for Aaron.
07:53Hello.
07:54Super romantic.
07:55And I got you something.
07:57Oh, it's a couple of pieces of bamboo.
07:58Big deal, right?
07:59No.
08:00These are musical instruments.
08:01It's so we can play island music together.
08:03Because I have this.
08:08Clop the cloppers.
08:09Yeah, clop them.
08:11It's called bembe.
08:14Yaruba, yaruba.
08:16Yaruba, yaruba.
08:18Yaruba, yaruba.
08:19Yaruba, yaruba.
08:20Hey, Burning Man, if it's not selling out too much, you might want to throw on a tie.
08:25David Wallace is going to be here in an hour.
08:27Obviously, that's why I'm here.
08:29I mean, I came back early to surprise Aaron.
08:32Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart.
08:35But I'm just saying, I'm also excited about the Wallace meeting.
08:37Why?
08:38Isn't he just coming in to rip you a new one for being gone three months?
08:40No, please.
08:42Come on, Clark.
08:42Wallace knows that he's been gone for the last three months.
08:46Right?
08:47Wallace does know that you've been gone for the last three months?
08:51I have no idea.
08:52I don't know what he knows or doesn't know.
08:54But we've been in touch the whole time.
08:55I mean, it's not hard to get high-speed internet and Turks and Caicos, people.
08:59It's in every Bembe cafe.
09:01He only emailed me four times.
09:04Question.
09:05Where's Jim?
09:06He and Pam are having their Valentine's Day lunch.
09:08For two hours, really.
09:10So you're concerned about people's long absence from their place of work?
09:15If the shoe fits, ya ruba, ya ruba.
09:18Ruba, ya ruba.
09:20We were telling two different versions of the same story, and then everything just went numb.
09:25Well, I mean, that's okay.
09:26It doesn't mean that it's over, right?
09:28I mean, couples fight.
09:29Yeah.
09:30And that's the thing.
09:31When we were fighting, it weirdly felt like the relationship was still alive.
09:34And it wasn't until we stopped fighting that we realized it was over.
09:41It's over.
09:45I'm sorry.
09:45This is...
09:46Oh, my God.
09:47Okay.
09:48We have to stop seeing each other like this.
09:51We have to find a different way to communicate other than breaking down in front of each other.
09:55Yeah.
09:56What?
09:57At least my crying won't get you fired.
09:59Okay.
10:04Crying?
10:07I noticed that you landed the Scranton White Pages account.
10:10That is tremendous.
10:12Thank you.
10:12And you sold it to Jan, too.
10:14Yes.
10:15I'm impressed.
10:17Yeah.
10:18Well, there's one problem.
10:19Couldn't help but notice that you offered a price point that was not approved by the head office.
10:24So...
10:25Gotta run that stuff by me, Dwight.
10:26You were on a boat.
10:28I was...
10:29On a boat.
10:31In the ocean.
10:32Okay, the issue is that you need to run this stuff by me.
10:35Coolio?
10:37Are we Coolio?
10:40Just say the word Coolio.
10:41I'm not gonna say any word.
10:42Say it.
10:42Not a word.
10:43Coolio.
10:43No.
10:45What do you think you're doing?
10:46Just gonna call the Scranton White Pages and clear this right up.
10:49Don't you dare, Andy.
10:51Hello?
10:51Hey, Jan.
10:52Nard dog here.
10:53Oh, Andy.
10:54I was just looking over the paperwork.
10:56I found a little hiccup.
10:57Really?
10:57Yeah.
10:57It appears my employee offered you a price that he was not authorized to.
11:02Coolio.
11:03Seriously?
11:03You're calling me a few weeks after finalizing our contract to gouge me now for more money?
11:07Is that what you're doing?
11:08Coolio.
11:08No.
11:09No, no, no, no.
11:09Jan, I think you misunderstood.
11:11Yeah.
11:12It's actually just an issue.
11:14You know what?
11:15Nard dog, there is an option in the contract that allows me to back out within 30 days of
11:20signing.
11:21So I would like to exercise that option.
11:24No, Jan.
11:25Please do not listen to this boob.
11:26Remember Clark.
11:27He gave you everything.
11:28Everything.
11:29Jan, I don't know what he's talking about.
11:30I would like Angela to send me a final invoice.
11:33Please, Jan.
11:34Oh.
11:36Oh.
11:38That was not how I had hoped that would go.
11:47Hey, everybody.
11:48Great job.
11:48Listen, we're a smidge behind on my paychecks.
11:52Yes, well, as you know, we get paid on Fridays, and you haven't been here for 12 Fridays.
11:59All right.
11:59Thank you very much.
12:01Looking good.
12:03Who's that little fella?
12:05It's a bonus check for you from Wallace because the branch exceeded its targets over the past
12:11quarter.
12:12Wow.
12:12That's wonderful.
12:14Quarter to three months, that's how long you've been gone.
12:16Mm-hmm.
12:16Mm-hmm.
12:16Mm-hmm.
12:20Mm-hmm.
12:21Thank you.
12:24Great.
12:24Well, we're all up to speed.
12:31Two seconds of the turd dog, and he loses the biggest sale this branch has ever seen.
12:36Do you have any idea what I had to do to get that sale from Jan?
12:39I mean, I went all out.
12:41All out.
12:41I mean, like, everything was out the whole week.
12:44He just waltzes back in here like he owns the junkie lemon milk.
12:49Who needs him, right?
12:50God, I just don't know what we do.
12:52I mean, short of telling David Wallace that he was gone for three months.
12:57I'd like to rat out Andy, but unfortunately, I have a bit of a boy-who-cried-wolf dynamic
13:01with David Wallace.
13:02Except instead of a boy, I'm a man, and instead of a wolf, I cried genetically-engineered-monster-wolf.
13:11I'm not going to rat on him.
13:13Look, Andy gave me a second chance, so the least I could do is let somebody else rat on him.
13:18Meredith, why don't you?
13:19Meredith Palmer ain't never been called no-nark.
13:22Floozy, yes.
13:23Alky, check.
13:24Einstein, sarcastically, you bet.
13:26But never no-nark.
13:28Vomit mop, sure.
13:29Floormeat, that's me.
13:30Flesh Hoover, hi.
13:32Meredith, that's plenty, all right?
13:34That's more than plenty.
13:36Why does no one stop her?
13:38Guys, I know that a lot of people are mad at Andy, and believe me, I am too.
13:42But he has been through a lot, and we all used to love him, right?
13:46So, if he's going to get in trouble, just let it be his fault, not ours.
13:50I don't want that on my hands.
13:52Fine.
13:54The state he's in.
13:55Wallace will take one look at him and probably fire him anyway.
13:59What's going on in here, dirty players?
14:04Let's get back to busting some paper rhymes.
14:07Come on.
14:08Who's that girl?
14:10Who's that girl?
14:13It's Andy.
14:16All right.
14:18Back to work.
14:24Okay, I can tell you're mad at me.
14:26Do you want to just, um, I don't know, tell me why?
14:32I don't know.
14:36I thought that was a little weird.
14:38You told me Brian got fired for the whole warehouse thing.
14:42And you intentionally left out a kind of major intimate detail.
14:49I don't know, Pam.
14:50I guess I just feel like a chump.
14:51Who knows less about his marriage than the sound guy?
14:54I didn't tell you about the crying because I didn't want you to know how upset I was.
15:00Because it would have stressed you out.
15:01And you're always saying how much you don't want more stress.
15:05Yeah.
15:05Yeah.
15:06Okay.
15:07Well, then, thank you.
15:08Thanks to both of you.
15:11It's not Brian's fault.
15:12No, you're right.
15:12And I'm not mad at Brian.
15:14And to be honest, I probably don't have any reason to be mad at all because I wasn't there.
15:18So let's just forget about it.
15:21Okay.
15:25I need you guys to tell me all the highlights from the last three months in case David asks.
15:29Just a few things I could sprinkle into conversation.
15:33Any big sales or office gossip.
15:35Well, we had the Scranton white pages.
15:38Not helpful.
15:39Let's stay positive, people.
15:40Okay?
15:41Hey, guys.
15:41Hey, David.
15:43How are you?
15:44Oh, we were just having our weekly roundtable where we motivate each other.
15:47I'm not going to lie.
15:48I get as much out of it as they do.
15:50Sounds great.
15:50Don't let me interrupt.
15:51Whatever you guys have been doing this last quarter, I couldn't be happier with the numbers.
15:55Thank you.
15:56Well, finish up.
15:57I'm going to meet with Val about that warehouse guy you had to let go.
15:59And you and I will talk in 15 minutes.
16:00Great.
16:01Great job, everybody.
16:03We had to let a warehouse guy go?
16:05You know Pam's mural?
16:07Well, Frank lit the whole thing on fire.
16:10It was crazy.
16:12What?
16:12Yeah.
16:13There was a fire in the warehouse.
16:14The whole thing is in ashes.
16:16Fire department was here.
16:17It was in all the papers.
16:18Whoa.
16:19This is what I'm talking about.
16:21This would be good to know.
16:22All right.
16:23What else?
16:23We started selling balloons.
16:26What?
16:26Yeah.
16:27And Kathy Ireland signed on as the official spokesman of Dunder Mifflin.
16:31No kidding.
16:32Yeah.
16:32And the European billboard.
16:33She's going to be topless.
16:34Wow.
16:35Go Kathy.
16:37She's like 50.
16:38They're tasteful.
16:39Good.
16:39Good.
16:39What else?
16:42Who knew the balloon game would be so lucrative?
16:44And thank God, right?
16:45We needed the income after the fire.
16:47What fire?
16:48The warehouse fire.
16:50Weren't you just down there?
16:51It's like burnt to ashes.
16:53It looked fine to me.
17:00I am speaking metaphorically, of course.
17:02You know I have lots of irons in the quote unquote fire.
17:07Well, that's one of them.
17:08You know.
17:09Making sure that the warehouse logistics is a well-oiled, properly stoked fire.
17:16Okay.
17:17I think you'll agree I explained that pretty well.
17:20Thanks, Andy.
17:21Thank you.
17:22All right.
17:23Everyone.
17:34Fish sounds great.
17:36Yeah, I guess.
17:38Really playing the scales, huh?
17:40Yeah, I don't know.
17:40It just sort of sounds like noise to me now.
17:43You think I need a new fish?
17:44I don't love you anymore.
17:45What?
17:45I still like you, but you were gone a really long time, and you didn't really email me all that
17:51much.
17:51You retweeted me a lot.
17:53You retweeted me a lot, to be fair, but I don't love you.
17:56Okay, I get it.
17:58You're unhappy.
17:59I've been gone a long time, and we lost a little bit of juju, but you and me, we have
18:03a future.
18:04There is a lot of love here.
18:06I just said there isn't love.
18:08on your side, but there's tons on my side.
18:12It's gushing.
18:13We're just out of sync right now, but that's just timing.
18:16What's timing?
18:17I mean, my parents lasted 38, 40 years.
18:19They were never happy at the same time.
18:22I guess.
18:22I mean, what do we have left, 35, maybe 40 years?
18:27If we're lucky, I mean, I've spent a lot of time in the sun.
18:30You got really sunburned.
18:31I'm going to be a prune in, like, three years.
18:33Yeah.
18:33I know you may not be feeling love for me right now, but if you fake it, I won't be
18:39able to tell the difference.
18:41So I'll feel good, and then eventually, maybe, you'll actually start to love me again.
18:48You really think we can get that back?
18:50Yes.
18:53Come on.
18:55Totally.
19:05You know what?
19:06Maybe we should cancel that bottle of wine tonight.
19:09Oh?
19:10Yeah, I just feel like I got a bunch of stuff to do in Philly, and I'm sure you have
19:14stuff to do, so we can just, I don't know, drop me at the bus station.
19:20Are you sure?
19:21I just feel like we're going to fight.
19:23Yeah.
19:27So, how about let's not?
19:29Okay.
19:33Oh, um, happy Valentine's Day.
19:40Sorry, I didn't have time to wrap it.
19:47Wow.
19:49I didn't know you kept this.
19:51Yeah, yeah.
19:52Thank you.
19:53No problem.
20:00I don't think you should go to Philly tonight.
20:03I think that you should stay, and I think we should fight.
20:07You really want to fight on Valentine's Day?
20:10Yeah, I do.
20:15Okay.
20:16All right, put your dukes up, Beasley.
20:24Hi.
20:26Hey, you okay?
20:28I couldn't do it.
20:31Oh.
20:33I'm sorry.
20:34Oh, you don't have to apologize.
20:37I just, I just want you to be happy, okay?
20:58We're breaking up.
21:02And just so you know, I was worried that you were dead.
21:06You were gone for three months.
21:12Hey, Andy?
21:13David, still here.
21:15What was that about three months?
21:20Right now.
21:28Bye.
21:34Bye.
21:37Bye.
21:37Bye.
Comments