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00:00Tosh.0 features videos from the internet and is intended for a mature audience.
00:04Comedy Central does not condone the activities performed and discourages anyone from attempting them.
00:09Enjoy!
00:30And you were worried about sickos dressing up like the Joker.
00:53Welcome to Tosh.0.
00:54The leaves don't change here in SoCal.
00:57The only season we care about is monochromosexual.
01:01Tonight, I get sudsy with this soap slut.
01:04I rep for the kids who can't afford private school and back by popular demand.
01:08It's our Aussie Viddy of the Week-E.
01:10Now, let's see why no one else in that apartment complex ever uses the pool.
01:16They're either white or Asian.
01:19Those are the two choices.
01:21The only thing I know for certain is that they're both dudes.
01:24It's nice they found each other.
01:28Maybe they're pool toys that come to life while the humans are at work.
01:33Sex Toy Story 4.
01:35Sadly, the horse got a cramp, so the fine people at Santa Anita Racetrack rushed over and shot him in the head.
01:41Humanely.
01:43Do they have extra-strength chlorine?
01:46How much longer is adult swim?
01:51Sorry, kids.
01:52I'm going to have to shock the hell out of the water.
01:56This swim got a little too adult.
01:58We'll be closed for about two to three hours.
02:01At least it wasn't furries.
02:02They really do a number on your filters.
02:04Pumps and whatnot.
02:05That's pool boy talk.
02:06All right.
02:07Nothing slips past this next guy.
02:15Looks like Jeffrey Epstein's prison guard found a new job.
02:20Don't worry.
02:21He's one of those blind guys who can smell guns.
02:25Is he frisking them or blessing them?
02:28Maybe he's checking their chakras.
02:30You can't be too careful with groping these days.
02:33Cancel culture affects us all.
02:35Hire that guy from the Dolphins games so we can bring a gun in and kill ourselves in the first quarter when we're down by 24.
02:42Ooh, 24.
02:43We held him to a field goal one drive.
02:47Okay, here's my new fave stupid wedding tradition.
02:49Good, good, good, good.
02:50Yeah, come on, mate.
02:52Come on, baby.
02:53I don't like you.
02:54Come on, mate.
02:55Oh, dear.
02:57It's this or listen to any maid of honor speech.
03:01That's also the best way to kill lice.
03:03This is mild compared to the burning sensation you'll feel after hooking up with a slutty bridesmaid.
03:09Reminds me of a little mishap at my wedding.
03:13Yeah, we were serving table-side bananas foster.
03:16The Santa Ana winds whipped up real good.
03:18Long story short, I lost about 80% of the bride's side.
03:22Biggest mistake of my life.
03:24Not seating them all together.
03:25Moving on, this preacher is really phoning it in.
03:29I pray, I pray, I pray, I pray.
03:31Healing, healing, healing.
03:33I pray, I pray.
03:34Is this a church or a coffee shop in a casino?
03:38Yes, Lord.
03:39Yes, Lord.
03:39Yes, Lord.
03:40Yes, Lord.
03:41Yes, Lord.
03:41Looks like he's checking his fantasy scores mid-sermon.
03:48Maybe they got Google Translate for tongues?
03:51Have your way, have your way, have your way, have your way.
03:57Sunday crosswords are tough.
03:59What's a 20-letter word for stalling?
04:01Well, it looks like somebody just discovered Bella Thorne's Instagram.
04:10I am dying to know what's on his phone.
04:12Oh, oh, oh, oh.
04:29Oh, oh, oh, oh.
04:35Green text?
04:39Does God use an Android? What an old loser.
04:42Another one. Another one.
04:51Holy cow, these Chick-fil-A commercials are getting intense.
04:55This is the kind of content that will always separate us
05:00from the Rachel Maddow show.
05:02Now, let's make America vegan in this week's Breakdown.
05:08Welcome to England. Such a drab little island.
05:10Hanging out old Bessie has a prolapsed vagina.
05:13Move over pink sock, we've got the red sleeping bag.
05:18Either a girthy bull or some lucky farmhand
05:21really did a number on that cow's hoo-ha.
05:24Another victim of the hashtag Moo Too movement.
05:28Why is he wetting it down like a boxer between rounds?
05:32Come on, even the employees at Chipotle wear gloves.
05:36They say a cow's vagina is 98% genetically identical to your mom's.
05:42Nuked her.
05:45Look at all those nodules.
05:48I knew cows had four stomachs,
05:50but apparently they also have 87 clitorises.
05:52I've gone down on worse.
05:55I don't want to name names.
05:58You wouldn't know her.
06:00Your mom.
06:01Double nuke.
06:04Who knew being a vet would involve so much fisting?
06:08Don't forget to toss that towel in the hamper.
06:13He is way too happy.
06:15We shouldn't be allowed to put this on TV.
06:17America has lost its moral compass.
06:20And for that, we thank you.
06:23But first, that is more than enough vagina for one show.
06:27You okay?
06:36My vagina.
06:37You know what's even more relaxing than a giant glass of wine?
06:43A giant glass of wine and a really good bar soap.
06:47And a really good bar soap.
06:49Watch this.
06:50Oh!
06:51Look at that kind of quality.
06:53I am outraged.
06:55It's gone from a 4.25 ounce bar to a smaller bar.
06:59And that's across the entire lineup.
07:01The lather on this bar is a very creamy lather.
07:04I really didn't find the oats to be a necessary inclusion into this soap.
07:08When I got this out of the packaging,
07:10I really thought the scent would be overpowering.
07:13But once you take it out, it's pleasantly milder.
07:16Takes a lot of soap, but now you know what RuPaul looks like out of drag.
07:21That tall cup of cocoa is Marvin Bland.
07:24It's almost as if his parents knew he'd become a world-renowned soap critic
07:28when they named him Marvin Bland.
07:31Online, he goes by Bar Soap Guy.
07:33And thanks to his 400-plus calm, pleasant soap reviews,
07:37he's the most famous bath-related internet personality since Tub Girl.
07:41Here's my shower routine.
07:43Every morning, I doused my body in bleach.
07:45Pits, balls, bellybutton, b-hole, face, in that order.
07:51I only feel clean when there's a healthy amount of blood and tears washing down the drain.
07:56Top three worst soaps, Irish Spring, which is just leprechaun pee.
08:01That brick of gravel and flower petals you get from the farmer's market.
08:05And my least favorite soap, Days of Our Lives.
08:08Why would Lucas donate Kate's heart to Julie, of all people?
08:12I'm done with that show for real this time.
08:14The truth is, men need to use more soap than women,
08:18because on average, we're able to work 20 to 30 percent harder than you.
08:23That's why I flew that affirmative action, Mr. Clean, to dirty old L.A.
08:27for this week's Cewebity Profile.
08:36Hey, Daniel.
08:37Marvin! Lose the rope and get in here.
08:40I've always said there's no better place to get to know a strange man from the internet
08:44than the indoor jacuzzi of a Hampton Inn.
08:46That's Hamptonality.
08:47Why did you start reviewing soap?
08:49I kind of always had an affinity for soap,
08:51and then I figured, well, I'd like to share my sort of enjoyment of soap with other people.
08:55Where do you live?
08:56I live in Arizona. I'm from Phoenix.
08:58Oh, man. So you're always sweaty.
09:00Um, in the summertime, it is very hellish up.
09:02So soap is your thing.
09:04Are you getting any money from reviewing soap yet?
09:06Um, no, I don't bother with money. It's just a pure hobby.
09:09Do you have any other interests or hobbies outside of soap and robes?
09:12I enjoy, uh, paying attention to, like, the national debt crisis,
09:16um, European politics.
09:17Uh-huh.
09:18Hey, y'all got room for a little big fella?
09:21Don't forget to take your socks off.
09:22Ah, no can do, buddy. I got a toe fungus.
09:25You wanna see how long I can hold my breath?
09:31You never film yourself actually using the soap.
09:33I thought about that in the beginning,
09:35but I would want to sexualize the channel.
09:37Is there any fetish element to this or no?
09:40Um, not for me.
09:41Maybe for some of my subscribers, but, uh...
09:43Have you ever been asked to, uh, pick up a bar of soap?
09:47You know what I'm talking about?
09:48That's prison talk.
09:49Oh, oh.
09:50No?
09:51Bar soap or bar of soap?
09:54I prefer saying bar soap.
09:55Okay. I've always said bar of soap,
09:57and then I was told people say it's bar soap,
10:00and that sounds weird to me, but now I only say it
10:02because I prefer to say things the weird way.
10:04Do you have a nice setup for your guests when they come over?
10:06Um, yeah. I let them go take a look at my soap shelves,
10:09and if they want something from that, I'm like, boom, have at it.
10:11Now, except for the fact that all of those
10:13have been rubbed over your body.
10:14Yeah.
10:15Isn't it bad for your skin to switch products so much?
10:18It absolutely is.
10:19I would not recommend most people switch soaps like I do.
10:22I have, uh, fantastic skin.
10:24I'm like the Wolverine.
10:25May I?
10:26You sure can. Go for it.
10:28Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's good. It's very soft.
10:30Do you ever get recognized?
10:31No, I've never been recognized.
10:32Really?
10:33People are probably scared to say that they know you
10:36because it's weird to say I watch somebody that reviews soap.
10:39That would definitely be weird.
10:40In fact, I've been told don't talk about soap to other people.
10:43Like, if you meet a woman, don't mention it.
10:45Couldn't disagree with your friends more.
10:47I find it very...
10:49Oh, jeez.
10:49That's the thing about Hamptonality.
10:51It comes and goes.
10:52Favorite soap movie?
10:54Ooh, uh, Fight Club.
10:55Fight Club.
10:56Oh, my God.
10:57Second favorite soap movie.
10:58Ah. Second favorite.
11:00Ugh.
11:02Nothing got you more upset than the Kirkland signature.
11:06I put this on parts of my body that I can't describe to you,
11:10and I experienced a terrible burning sensation,
11:13and I have to unfortunately give it the double bird.
11:16I remember describing it as a freshly mopped
11:18McDonald's bathroom floor for the aroma.
11:20Oh.
11:22Yeah, that's not good.
11:24A man.
11:25Not in college.
11:26You're a man now.
11:27What should he be spending on a bar of soap?
11:29But I want to say, you know, $5 to $15.
11:32Most guys probably use what their mothers got them as teenagers.
11:36Then I'd still be using Suave.
11:38Cheap garbage shit.
11:39I do have a body wash for quitters like myself.
11:41It's from Suave.
11:42What's grosser?
11:43Irish Springs or Irish women?
11:45Well, I kind of like Irish women,
11:47so I'm definitely going to go with the Irish Spring.
11:49Oh, I brought some of my hand soap.
11:51I wouldn't mind you reviewing it.
11:53What, aren't you going to talk about the label first?
11:55That's so much, bro.
11:56Jesus.
11:58Well, you took it off already.
11:59Well, I thought we'd...
12:00Okay, you go.
12:01Start over.
12:02And don't waste so much of my hand soap.
12:04Okay, Aesop, it's kind of a plain Jane-looking bottle.
12:08Okay, I'm going to give this a pump here.
12:09Go ahead, a single pump, please.
12:12Oh, yeah, you can feel a little bit of exfoliation in the hands.
12:14Uh-huh.
12:15Some creaminess to it right here.
12:16I wouldn't mind using this on my entire body.
12:18Well, let's not get carried away.
12:19Now smell your hands.
12:23Yeah, they're still light fragrance.
12:24That's pretty nice.
12:25What is your review?
12:26It was different.
12:27I liked it.
12:28Maybe it's like a gift or something.
12:29You'd be happy if that was a gift?
12:31Oh, I would love that as a gift.
12:32Okay.
12:33Good to know.
12:34Gunned to your head.
12:35You have to use one bar of soap for the rest of your life.
12:38Damn.
12:39Boy, that's tough.
12:40I think...
12:41I'd be going with Dove White.
12:43I would like to introduce you to the Dove Beauty Bar.
12:47Yes, take a look at that.
12:48Number one, dermatologist approved.
12:51Boom, see that right there?
12:53Do you feel cursed that you can't review shampoos?
12:56Man, that is a tough one.
12:58What's the best bar of soap to put in a sock
13:00to beat someone with?
13:01Duke Cannon.
13:02Duke Cannon would be great for sock beating.
13:04Have you ever done speed reviews?
13:05No, I've never done a speed review.
13:07Let's put 60 seconds on the clock and see how many hotel
13:10soaps you can review.
13:11Uh, what clock?
13:12Don't worry about it.
13:13Holiday Inn.
13:14Small bar, scent-wise, eh, it's okay.
13:17It's sort of like a chemical smell.
13:18Red Roof Inn.
13:19I like the packaging, it looks a little bit better.
13:21Smell, well, it smells actually like Holiday Inn soap.
13:23Motel 6.
13:23Motel 6.
13:24Eh, jeez, this is like an ugly-ass bar.
13:26It doesn't smell like anything.
13:28Great Wolf Lodge.
13:29Wow, this looks nice.
13:30Have you ever been to Great Wolf Lodge?
13:31I have not.
13:32It's a water park inside.
13:33I would describe this as creamy.
13:34Oh, there's some exfoliation in this bar, too.
13:36La Quinta.
13:38Ugly packaging.
13:39Kind of smells a little bit like Play-Doh.
13:40Sandro Cedro Ranch.
13:41I like the look, clear bar, it's kind of unique.
13:43Oh, Super 8, wow.
13:45Eh, you know what, that actually looks kind of nice.
13:47San Francisco company on here.
13:48San Francisco?
13:49Yeah.
13:50There's no San Francisco Super 8.
13:51This is America's Best Value Inn.
13:53I ripped this off the wall, try that.
13:55Um, very fruity, very fruity.
13:56Here you go, Hojo.
13:58Oh, yeah, this is the Motel 6 soap right here.
14:00You tell me Hojo is stealing soap from Motel 6?
14:03Yeah.
14:04Travelodge.
14:05Travelodge, boom.
14:06This is extremely plain.
14:07Hampton Inn, guess what?
14:08Says French milled.
14:10Ooh.
14:11Well, let's see about that.
14:12Do you like those balls?
14:13I do like the nose.
14:14They feel good on your skin when you're washing up.
14:16Gotta review this one.
14:17This is a good one.
14:18It smells like cheddar.
14:19Yeah, you got a good nose.
14:20That's my Jacuzzi cheese.
14:23You ever go to Vegas?
14:24Oh, yeah, all the time.
14:25I work at the Mirage.
14:27I'll be there, just check the calendar.
14:29If you stay in the Villas, they give you Molten Brown.
14:31Oh, damn.
14:32Full bottles, go ahead and review that bad one.
14:34Yeah, man, this smells great.
14:35Yeah, it's got pepper.
14:36Wow, I just want to take a shower right now.
14:38Give me, give me, give me some.
14:39Boom, take some of that right there.
14:40That stuff smells so good.
14:42You're the real deal, Marvin.
14:43With your love of soap and urban look,
14:45it's a no-brainer that you should be the new Old Spice guy.
14:55It dries out your skin, but gets you clean.
14:58Old Spice, a decent choice.
15:01I am so horny.
15:03Come see me, Theluxor.
15:08Cut.
15:13How long was that?
15:15Hey, Old Spice, do the right thing and don't send me anything.
15:18I don't need my office smelling like wolf dick.
15:21We'll be right back, but first, thug life, baby bro.
15:24Bro, who's kid is this?
15:28It's like, it is literally like 2 o'clock in the morning.
15:32Who's kid is this, bro?
15:35Look at this kid.
15:37Oh, look, is he gonna walk out with it?
15:38Oh, this s*** just walked out with it.
15:40Thug life, bro.
15:42Bro, thug life.
15:44Bro, thug life.
15:47Oh, thug life.
15:53Hey, yo, private school check.
15:55Uh, she kill me, mom.
15:57Now I ain't saying she a gold digger.
15:59And I'm in need.
16:00But she ain't messing with no bro, bro.
16:01She kill me, mom.
16:02Now I ain't saying she a gold digger.
16:04And I'm in need.
16:05But she ain't messing with no bro, bro.
16:07Private school check.
16:09Perfect song choice.
16:10Spoiled white kids are Kanye's base.
16:13Private school checks are the latest trend on TikTok.
16:16Where you brag about how luxurious your private high school is.
16:21Private school check.
16:22Uh, she kill me, mom.
16:24Now I ain't saying she a gold digger.
16:26I'm in need.
16:27But she ain't messing with no bro, bro.
16:28She kill me, mom.
16:29Now I ain't saying she a gold digger.
16:31I'm in need.
16:32But she ain't messing with no bro, bro.
16:34Private school check.
16:35Uh, she kill me, mom.
16:37Now I ain't saying she a gold digger.
16:39I'm in need.
16:40But she ain't messing with no bro, bro.
16:42She kill me, mom.
16:42Now I ain't saying she a gold digger.
16:44I'm in need.
16:45But she ain't messin' with no broke deal.
16:47Private school check.
16:49Nothing's more endearing than rich kids
16:51flaunting their parents' wealth.
16:53I think I speak for all public school students
16:55when I say, you.
16:59I'm sure there are other fine educational institutions
17:02that wouldn't mind flexin' on the TikTok platform.
17:06Home school check.
17:07Uh.
17:08She can't be mine.
17:09Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger.
17:11I'm in need.
17:12But she ain't messin' with no broke deal.
17:13She can't be mine.
17:14Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger.
17:16I'm in need.
17:17But she ain't messin' with no broke, broke.
17:19Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger.
17:21I'm in need.
17:22But she ain't messin' with no broke, broke.
17:24Trade school check.
17:26Uh.
17:27She can't be mine.
17:28Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger.
17:29I'm in need.
17:30But she ain't messin' with no broke, broke.
17:32She can't be mine.
17:33Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger.
17:35I'm in need.
17:36But she ain't messin' with no broke, broke.
17:38Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger.
17:40I'm in need.
17:41But she ain't messin' with no broke, broke.
17:43The Gibbs Franco Acton School, check.
18:03Still not as creepy as Matt Lauer's
18:04broadcast journalism school, check.
18:08Now, if you take anything away from this show,
18:10I hope it's that motorcycles are dangerous.
18:13Go ahead, go ahead.
18:43Internet, just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like
18:53this and totally redeem yourself.
18:56We'll be right back with more of the Untitled Culkin Brothers Project.
19:06We're the only TV show that knows the best way to eliminate student debt is to just audit
19:11every class.
19:12Next week, no supermarket is safe from this belching broad.
19:16Hey everybody, it's your favorite burping girl and today we're at the grocery store and
19:20we're gonna be burping on your groceries.
19:31Burp on your mashed potatoes.
19:33I'm sure as heck not paying $2.50 for a box of mashed potatoes that's been burped on.
19:39Follow me on the four majors of social media, my annual Tosh Saves the World charity show
19:44is coming to Tucson this year with Sarah Tiana and Todd Glass.
19:47All the money from that show will be going to these wonderful charities.
19:50I'll also be performing in Vegas, Phoenix, West Palm Beach, Reno and Honolulu.
19:56As they say in the famous Weezer song, I'll be blessing the rains down in Australia with
20:03shows in Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane.
20:05Perth?
20:06Perth?
20:07Sorry.
20:08That's a big no thank you.
20:09Did you know in 1984 Australia began digging a tunnel to America and it's scheduled to
20:14be completed in 2022?
20:16Now, it's time for the Tosh Point, oi oi oi Aussie video of the weekie.
20:21If you're a fair dinkum, full grown Aussie, this is what you'd have for breakfast you
20:27dog c**ts.
20:28A VB long neck at 20 to 8 in the morning.
20:35Get that up here.
20:37You had me at dog c**ts.
20:41God, that is a huge earlobe.
20:43All right.
20:44Tonight's book is by Dan Brown.
20:45The Da Vinci Code?
20:46No.
20:47Digital Fortress.
20:48Which is widely regarded to be his worst.
20:50Good night illiterates.
21:07Politics.
21:082 50s year.
21:10Biology.
21:11무서
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