- 13 hours ago
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00:00What about Tuesday? Can you do the 11 o'clock mass?
00:14Ted, I'll do the 11 and the 12. You should have a rest after that weekend away.
00:20Well, Paris does tend to take it out of me.
00:24I'm up for a game. Ted, care to join me?
00:27No thanks, Darren. What time are we going to the Curve for the races?
00:30I suppose after lunch.
00:32Oh! Mrs Dunn hopes you'll like pheasant.
00:35I love pheasant.
00:38This is what it's all about. A fine port, beautiful surroundings, and intelligent company.
00:46Did you not have all that at your last parrot?
00:50No.
00:52Dublin seems to suit you, though. You've got a newfound gleam in your eye.
00:57Ah, yes. I should be staying here for a good while. As long as I don't mess it up for myself by doing something stupid.
01:03Most of these accounts seem in order, Father Smith.
01:06But I wonder, could I ask Father Crelny about one or two of these things that he's put down under expenses?
01:13Dad!
01:14Dad!
01:15Dad!
01:16Dad!
01:17Dad!
01:18Dad!
01:19Dad!
01:20Dad!
01:21Dad!
01:22Dad!
01:23Dad!
01:24Dad!
01:26Dad!
01:27Dad!
01:28Dad!
01:29Dad!
01:30Dad!
01:31Dad!
01:32Dad!
01:33Dad!
01:34Dad!
01:35Dad!
01:36Dad!
01:37Dad!
01:38Dad!
01:39Dad!
01:40Dad!
01:41Dad!
01:42Dad!
01:43what is making that incredibly annoying noise oh that's Ronaldo it was a bit
02:00lonely without your Ted so I got a hamster instead yes can I ask though
02:05does he ever stop running in that second wheel he's had to use the wheel ever
02:12since he wrote this into his feed tray
02:16but don't worry Ted I think there's just something wrong with the brakes
02:36how long has father Jack been living in there
02:40started just a few days after you left maybe he's agro phobic Jack scared of
02:46fighting I don't think so Ted
02:55mrs. Doyle just fell off the roof I think I'll go out Dougal visit father Fitzpatrick I
03:04think he has a book belonging to me let's see now humana Vitae you know sometimes I
03:13leaf through this to see just how far we've come celebration of the Christian mysteries
03:20deus carnida vental met below ah Stephen King's the shining
03:28well thanks for the tea father see the next time we um we uh sorry about this father I hope you don't mind
03:37me asking but um what have you got a padlock on that door for is there something top secret in there
03:44my collection oh yes that's right what is this you collect it's war memorabilia that's right would you like to have a look
03:50taken from the German advance on Russia you can see where the hammer hits the shell casing gosh that's very interesting
04:09uh these are helmets mostly infantry yes these would be German as well wouldn't they that's right
04:16you don't have anything from the Allied side no no that sort of thing wouldn't interest me at all I'm afraid
04:22that's my curiosity satisfied and this is the last photograph taken of Herr Hitler
04:41he's signing a few death warrants there funny how you get more right wing as you get older
04:46right well great this this is all wonderful stuff you know some people when they see it they're not too
04:55sure but you seem genuinely interested though I am genuinely interested what are you doing here I told
05:03you no sleeping here this is an old friend of mine Ted I'll see you again
05:09all right Frank's oh
05:19Frank
05:25Frank
05:27Ted look at the table it's so dirty I can write me name in it there's a G in
05:50Dougal where right that's it I'm fed up living in filth we're just gonna have to get this place clean
06:02Dougal and look at you look at that hole in your tank top what if the parishioner saw that where
06:07Ted oh god would you look at that this here look a perfectly square bit of black dirt on the window
06:22I mean how could you get a perfectly square bit of black dirt on a window I would have thought that
06:28was practically impossible it's just mrs. Doyle can't do any cleaning her back is very bad since
06:33she fell off the roof can't keep her balance at all that's it then I'm just going to have to come
06:43out and say it we're going to have to clean this place ourselves what you heard me Dougal are you
06:50with me well yeah right then let's go let's clean this mother
07:20Ted what about that bit of the lamp that came off I could pick that up good idea
07:25I'm bored now yeah Dougal look
07:40I am Chinese if you please come on Dougal lighten up
07:56I mean what what is I mean that's the in family they're living over there in that
08:26old Chinatown area Chinatown there's a Chinatown on Cranky Island
08:31Dougal I wouldn't have done a Chinaman impression if I'd known there's going to be a Chinaman there
08:35to see me doing a Chinaman impression why not Ted because because it's racist they'll think I'm a
08:44racist I'm gonna have to catch up with them and explain I'm not a racist and basically if I don't
08:52stretch my eyes like that from time to time I get this thing the doctor called fat eyes
08:56oh that's that all right what's that I ordered some new stuff for the house get rid of this old
09:16passion Google you don't think I upset those Chinese people earlier I don't know Ted it was
09:23like the time we put on that variety show and you did that impression of Stephen Hawking he was
09:29the last person you'd expect to turn off that was a million to one shot God he can fairly move in
09:34that wheelchair when he's angry I don't worry about it Ted anyway who did your phone habitat
09:39no habit hat like habitat it sells soft furnishings but also priest clothes does it not get confused
09:46with habitat though no that's never happened before except just there when you did it anyway what else
09:53did you order a priest socks really black ones I read somewhere I think it was in an article about
09:59priest socks the priest socks are blacker than any other type of socks that's right Dougal sometimes you
10:05see lay people wearing what looked like black socks but if you look closely you'll see they're very
10:10very very very very very very very dark blue actually that's true I thought my uncle Tommy was wearing
10:17black socks but when I looked at them closely they were just very very very very very very very very
10:21very very very dark blue never buy black socks in a normal shop shaft you every time
10:30hello there father hello calm out and about I am same as yourself good good I hear you're a racist
10:47no father what how did you get interested in that type of thing said I'm a racist everyone's saying it
10:57father should we all be racist now what's the official line the church is taking on this
11:03oh no only the farm takes up most of the day and at night I just like a cup of tea I mightn't be able
11:11to devote myself full time to the old racism good for you father what oh mrs carberry good for you
11:19father well someone had a guts to stand up to them at last coming over here taking our jobs and our
11:26women and acting like they own a second place good son father good for you good for you
11:34I'd like to beg and beg and Greeks it isn't the Greeks it's the Chinese he's after I am not after the
11:48Chinese I don't care all we get so long as I can have a go at the Greeks they invented gayness look
11:54we are not having a go at anybody I am NOT a racist all right God fucking bricks
12:01how's Mary she's fine she got that job after great
12:07racist
12:13hello hello is that the yin dynasty family is that the yin family yes this is Sean Yin
12:37hello it's a father Ted Crilly here I think I owe you an apology
12:42right then see you in a while aha do that's everything cleared up they're coming straight
12:56around I'll just be very nice of them and people will stop saying that I'm a racist
13:00it's great nothing could go wrong fantastic so the story is you're not a racist what no it's not a
13:08story I'm not a racist tea everyone
13:12what the Crilly I hear you're a racist no mrs. Doyle he's not a racist I am not I am not a racist
13:27mrs. Doyle we're gonna have to do something for your back you can't go on like this I'm just going
13:32to try something no don't worry mrs. Doyle oh no no no just relax no oh yes yes yes this is great
13:53I'll be fine now father no seriously father I feel 20 years younger Ted the Chinese are coming
14:09all right where are they oh feck it this big mark is still on the window never mind hello hello I don't
14:20know why we have to talk to this fascist come on now it may have just been where are they going I
14:36invite them around and they don't even let me tell them my side of the story
14:50this is terrible people think I'm some sort of Nazi racist and I'm not what can I do Ted here's an
15:01idea right off the top of my head I haven't thought it through so it's probably not brilliant but what
15:05the hell I'll just talk and see what comes out anyway who but some sort of special event celebrating
15:13all the different cultures on Craggy Island and then people will think you're a fantastic man instead
15:17of a big racist my god what that's a good idea no it isn't it is too good it is no Ted there's
15:33probably something wrong with it I just haven't thought it through no no Dougal you've had a
15:38brilliant idea but break it down for me a bit more what would an event celebrating all the different
15:44cultures on Craggy Island actually be like what what would it involve I mean celebration yes but
15:52what form could it take Ted I want out what do you mean I went too far too soon I didn't know what I was
16:05getting into Ted I didn't know you had to follow up a good idea with loads more little good ideas I'm sorry
16:11Ted I'm going to sleep in the spare room I'm sorry you'll fall I've sheltered you for 50 years you've
16:23never even made me a cup of tea you'll make city I do the washing up did you do the washing up I did it
16:31for the whole of 1947 and again in 1973 you liar you broke all the plates and then you went ah I am so
16:41tired I never had to wash up plates when I was in the Wehrmacht oh never you're driving me insane I'm
16:47going to take a value I want one too oh why must you ape everything I do wait these aren't value these
16:59are the cyanide we kept for emergencies you put cyanide next to the valium you're full that's asking for
17:07trouble oh shut up you shut up we've only got 15 seconds to leave that is just fine by me good
17:13that's fine by me too good I'm glad it is good I'm glad you're glad it is good good good
17:17what happened mrs. Doyle I stepped on the hamster's bike
17:47and fell down the stairs father Dougal I thought I told you to put away that bike safely I did Ted I
17:53put it back in the cage oh no no no don't worry father it's great I feel fantastic I completely
18:00forgotten that I can turn my head right around like this all right well listen that stuff from
18:05habit hat is arriving today so when it comes give father Jack where is father Jack I think he's up
18:11the chimney will I burn them out father smoke with backup it should be all over the house anyway when
18:21that stuff comes put it all up all the new rugs and the things for the chairs and that's your thing
18:29really I would know about that sort of stuff because I'm a man we're off to the celebration of
18:36Craigie Island's ethnic diversity welcome Bill common via video it's a great honor and privilege for me
19:02to present this celebration of the wide diversity of cultures that exists today on Craigie Island
19:07namely Chinese people and people from Craigie Island I prepared a short slide presentation which
19:15reflects this multicultural mix so without further ado let's uh let's start the show
19:19this man visited the island a few years ago I forget his name now but I got on very well with him so
19:32I just throw that in at the start will there be any free drink at this yes there will be a limited
19:38supply of free drink afterwards the Great Wall of China a miracle of Chinese engineering so big you can
19:46see it from anywhere in the world chairman Mao secretary of the Communist Party of China one of the biggest
19:55Communist Parties in the world and in my view the best mr. Miyagi from the karate kid one of my favorite
20:05films not because of the karate kid himself but because of mr. Miyagi no not a day goes by when I don't
20:11remember one of his many words of wisdom Kato where would he spring from next the Maori I'm sorry I don't know how that
20:26got in there uh of course there are no Maoris on Craigie Island Ming the mercies
20:33best of all the Chinese people themselves look at them there aren't they great the Chinese a great
20:46bunch of lads right I think I've addressed all aspects of Chinese culture and I'd like to thank
20:51you all for coming here tonight well the slideshow was a big pile of crap free drink very much
21:07appreciated thank you Father Crilly yes well I just wanted to clear things up I'm not a fascist I'm a
21:14priest fascist dress in black and go around telling people what to do whereas priests more drink
21:23anywhere there would you like a cup of tea oh no no thanks no I have a kind of allergic reaction to it
21:43you know it's very rare we're pretty serious if I drink tea there's a 70% chance I'll die
21:47well I'll make a cup anyway in case you change your mind no thanks anyway
21:54to China
22:05to cracky Island more drink I'm sorry the bars close how about everyone comes back to my place for a drink
22:20wait I need to go to the toilet first
22:23this story we have guests did that stuff right yes and I felt so fantastic I put it all up in less
22:34than an hour there was this letter letter dear Father Crilly on the instructions of a recently
22:41deceased client Father Seamus Fitzpatrick here are some items which he specified you should have in the
22:47event of his death I can explain everything actually no I I can't
23:12hello sorry again and most importantly have you open that present yet no looking forward to it
23:23though a year's supply of whiskey huh how very generous yes the problem there is basically you see
23:30there's been a bit of a change of plan
24:00you
24:12you
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