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00:00Tosh.0 features videos from the internet and is intended for a mature audience.
00:04Comedy Central does not condone the activities performed and discourages anyone from attempting them.
00:09Enjoy.
00:30I guarantee this isn't even the grossest thing to happen in a Walmart today.
00:48Welcome to Tosh.0.
00:50It's raining, it's pouring, it's the penultimate episode of the season of morning.
00:55Hey, that nearly rhymes.
00:57Tonight, I holler at the freshest face in rap reviews, we delve into the world of greedy
01:03celebrity side hustles, and this week's lucky SOB.
01:06Now, this guy's in a real pickle, because you're never allowed to wash denim.
01:12It ruins them.
01:14I've been camping out for a PS5 all week, he's not about to lose his spot in line.
01:21Honestly, they're a little tight.
01:22Piss into a size 38 and see if that's any better.
01:25Amazon can't put retail stores out of their misery soon enough, I say.
01:30Thankfully for you, I picked up a few seasonal holiday shifts at that store location.
01:35It's gonna be hard to pass up a deal like this.
01:41This would never happen at Target.
01:51It's gonna be hard to pass up a deal like this.
01:53Believe it or not, I got fired for trying to unionize.
01:57Moving on, if a criminal can escape the courthouse, all charges should be dropped.
02:03Oh, he seems innocent.
02:10Congrats to the Tosh.0 Fugitive of the Week.
02:14DM me to collect your Bitcoin.
02:17Damn, can't believe President Joe already defunded the police.
02:21It was impressively fast.
02:22Didn't all cops used to play high school football?
02:27This ain't pee-wee.
02:29You gotta wrap up.
02:31Well, that limp tells me this cop is definitely getting too old for this shit.
02:37Okay, technically, any vehicle can be amphibious.
02:40The ice broke.
02:49That means there's six more weeks of summer left in Russia.
02:53This is the final test to be Motor Trend's gnarliest car of the year.
03:01Hopefully, that's the last Trump parade we'll ever see.
03:03All right, this next clip is both of Medical Miracle and the Dick of the Week.
03:08It's good to know not all doctors have been working on a vaccine.
03:16Now, some have been growing penises on forearms
03:18in case you lose yours to a flesh-eating parasite.
03:22Now, if you're seeing this uncensored,
03:24it's because our brilliant no balls, no blur argument won.
03:29You created a dick from scratch
03:31and went with four measly inches?
03:33That's been in every one of his buddies' mouths.
03:40You're gonna want to stand way back when he puts on sunscreen.
03:44I'm told science can also put a vagina in a flashlight.
03:49Uno mas.
03:50The best time to commit any crime is in the middle of the day
04:02while Batman's sleeping.
04:05Now, let's find out what social justice issue
04:07this guy is looting for in this week's Breakdown.
04:09Welcome to Lovleniak, Poland,
04:15another city you've never heard of
04:16where thousands of U.S. troops are stationed.
04:20Defund the military.
04:23Has a citizen's arrest ever actually worked?
04:26Take a hike, nerd.
04:28If you want to do the right thing,
04:29pull your phone out and film this for other strangers to enjoy.
04:34You're just really taking advantage
04:35of those Black Friday window-buster deals.
04:38Hope he steals himself a new outfit.
04:41Always look both ways
04:43before fleeing the scene of a crime.
04:47Uber's here.
04:49Hit by a speeding karma.
04:52Case closed.
04:54A breakdown that ends in a street justice?
04:57It's a Tosh.0 first.
04:59And for that, we thank you.
05:02But first, I'm proud to unveil a new segment
05:04from my half-Cuban, half-Colombian writer,
05:07Senior Carmona's Latinx Clip of the Week.
05:10Hello, everyone.
05:29Lil Yachty and Offset made a new song.
05:33It's called Baby Daddy.
05:34So, that's pretty inviting.
05:37I came with the Rory Essentials.
05:41We've got the spritzer filled with water
05:45just in case if stuff gets too fire.
05:49That's nice.
05:51Oh.
05:52Oh, my gosh.
05:54I look insane, but this is so good.
05:57They're talking about everything.
05:59That's what I like about this album.
06:00But, yeah, I really enjoyed this one.
06:03Probably gonna be on the albums of the year.
06:05Eight out of ten.
06:05And I will see you in the next episode.
06:08Bye.
06:09That OG gingersnap,
06:11who has become one of the biggest tastemakers
06:13in the rap game, is Rory.
06:15Rory lives in Venice Beach.
06:17But Rory spells Rory
06:18like Rory is from the city of Compton.
06:21Rory listens to the latest underground hip-hop
06:23and spits truth on reaction videos,
06:25often accompanied by Dad.
06:27Even though there's nothing less hip-hop
06:29than having a father figure.
06:30I'd rather watch porn with my dad
06:32than have to explain Playboy Cardi lyrics to him.
06:35Rory is the opposite of pitchfork.
06:37The reviews aren't pretentious,
06:39and Rory actually likes albums
06:40that were released in the last decade.
06:42Which is helpful,
06:43since I don't have the time
06:44to comb through SoundCloud
06:46for every opioid addict
06:47who mumbles a few bars.
06:49That's why I called Rory up on a Tuesday
06:50when all the new tracks dropped
06:52and invited Rory to the best side of Culver City
06:55for this week's Celebity Profile.
07:04My man!
07:06You got that new little Uzi?
07:08No, you should check out...
07:09You should check out Spotify.
07:11Get every song that's ever been made.
07:12It's absolutely wonderful.
07:13Then why you own a record store?
07:15Well, she's gonna hire me
07:16with this stupid face.
07:19Hey, Daniel.
07:20Look what the cat dragged in.
07:21Hey, Rory.
07:22Sorry, buddy.
07:23You gotta leave your backpack at the door.
07:24Store policy.
07:24It's just the Rory essentials,
07:26including the spritzer,
07:27just in case if things get too fire.
07:29You can bring the bottle,
07:30but you leave the bag
07:31because every kid goes
07:32through a shoplifting phase.
07:34My first question is to you,
07:36why do you spell your name wrong?
07:38I see your name,
07:39and my brain almost explodes.
07:41I don't understand it either.
07:42I write it incorrectly all the time.
07:44You do?
07:44Yeah.
07:45Okay, that makes me feel a lot better.
07:46I'll be honest.
07:47Ask my parents.
07:48Are they good parents?
07:49Yeah, they're great parents.
07:50Which one do you like more?
07:51I mean, I don't really like either.
07:53What?
07:54I mean, I don't like either more.
07:56Oh, phew.
07:57I should have let you finish there.
07:58That just sounded awful at first.
07:59Yeah.
08:00Is your father Michael Rapaport?
08:02I don't believe so.
08:03How long have you been listening to music
08:05that's not appropriate for you?
08:06Probably ever since, like,
08:08my mom showed me a Tribe Called Quest.
08:10She let you listen to that?
08:11Yeah.
08:11At what age?
08:12I'm not sure.
08:12Like, way too early, though.
08:13Like five?
08:14Six?
08:16Probably, like, seven or eight.
08:17I let my kid listen to Tupac,
08:18but he's seven months.
08:19It didn't matter.
08:20Well, actually, I think there are psychologists
08:21that say that it will affect him,
08:23but I'd like to see what it does.
08:24How old are you right now?
08:25Thirteen.
08:26How old were you when you started
08:27making your first reaction videos
08:28on hip-hop music?
08:30Ten, eleven and a half or something.
08:31What was the first video of yours
08:33that got extremely popular?
08:34The Lil Yachty one.
08:36Oh, I like this.
08:37Your flow, though.
08:38But that was, like, kind of midway
08:41into my YouTube videos and stuff.
08:43Are you making money off of it now?
08:45I am, yeah.
08:46Are you getting to keep it?
08:46Yeah, I hope so.
08:47What do you mean you hope so?
08:48Are you unaware?
08:49Are the checks coming to you?
08:50I mean, it's kind of split,
08:52but most of it goes to me.
08:53Are you paying taxes?
08:54Not yet.
08:55Oh, man.
08:56You really are in the rap game.
08:59Yep.
09:01Oh.
09:02Now, when you're alone in your house
09:04listening to a music,
09:05there's no hate in your heart.
09:07The N-word's repeated multiple times.
09:09Are you singing it to yourself or out loud?
09:11No, I tend to not use it.
09:13You tend to not use it.
09:14I do not use it.
09:15Definitively, you do not use it.
09:16I do not use it at all.
09:17It's a tough one because I will say,
09:20as a fellow person that enjoys hip-hop music
09:22and has no hate in their heart at all,
09:24when they sing it in rap songs,
09:26it does sound cool.
09:27I'll die on that sword.
09:29On Instagram, you're known as
09:31Young Dr. Pimple Popper?
09:33Yeah.
09:33Do you know that the original Dr. Pimple Popper
09:35was made famous because of me and my show?
09:38Oh, really?
09:38Yeah.
09:39Thanks to my sexy Asian fingers,
09:41the results are instant.
09:43And the explosive release
09:44feels better than the best orgasm.
09:46You ever watch her do that stuff?
09:48I've seen it multiple times,
09:49and I don't like it.
09:50Why did you gravitate toward that name,
09:51or is that a name that you're not
09:52letting people know that it is yours?
09:54I came up with a little rhyme,
09:56the pimp with the pimples,
09:57and I thought it was funny.
09:58Although a pimp is kind of a derogatory term.
10:00Yeah.
10:00And a little misogynistic.
10:02Yeah.
10:02We'll get into that later.
10:03Yeah, I was just trying to be lighthearted with it.
10:06I like that.
10:07So far, yeah, my dad's digging it.
10:10I think it's cool.
10:11Yeah?
10:11I think it's really cool.
10:12Were your parents worried about you posting videos online
10:14in today's age of a bunch of creeps?
10:16Yeah, at the start,
10:17they were kind of worried about, like,
10:19if my location would get leaked,
10:21and I'm sure they still are.
10:23What's your home address?
10:25Oh, um...
10:25No, I'm kidding.
10:26No, it's...
10:27Let somebody just walk you into a trap?
10:30What's wrong with you?
10:31Who's the next artist to blow up?
10:33Amine, he's already kind of gone bigger.
10:35He has that kind of unique sound
10:36that I could hear on the radio,
10:39but still is kind of, like, out there
10:40and fun to listen to.
10:42Have you ever listened to somebody
10:43that people don't know about
10:45and be like,
10:45this person's going to be huge,
10:47and then six months, a year from now,
10:49they do become huge?
10:50Yeah.
10:50Slow Tie,
10:51he's starting to get more and more popular songs.
10:54Have any of these rappers
10:55ever tried to contact you
10:57or gun you down?
10:58Yeah, I mean, the first half.
10:59Not gun me down.
11:00Good.
11:00But they've contacted me
11:02mostly, like, positively, though.
11:04Okay.
11:04Who's good live?
11:06I'd say probably JPEG Mafia
11:07if you want to have something really hardcore.
11:09I want something where I can eat and sit down.
11:12Hmm.
11:12I mean...
11:13I may be 85 years old.
11:16Ooh, that vocal effect.
11:18Like, that distortion.
11:19I'm liking this.
11:20Who has the best fits in the game?
11:22And part B of that question,
11:24explain to people what fits is.
11:26Fits are outfits.
11:27I mean, it depends, like,
11:29what you're wearing
11:30because if it's not a good outfit,
11:32in my opinion,
11:33then I don't think it's a good fit.
11:35But I'd say probably best fits in the game.
11:38A lot of people from Brockhampton,
11:40I get inspired by what they wear.
11:42Dominic Fike,
11:42I like a lot of what he wears.
11:44So many names to remember.
11:46Yeah.
11:46I don't know why you do this.
11:47You haven't said, like, three words
11:49that I've understood this whole time.
11:51I'd love for you to react
11:53to some of my favorite albums.
11:55Okay.
11:56All right, your parents would never
11:57let you listen to 2 Live Crew,
11:59but your Uncle Dan has no issue.
12:00So I'd like to introduce you to Uncle Luke.
12:02I don't know if they make a clean version.
12:08They made a clean version
12:09and sound like white noise
12:10for an hour and a half.
12:11Let me tell you this album.
12:12Okay.
12:13Oh, everybody hates on this guy.
12:14But Nelly, Country Grammar.
12:17Man, talk about fire.
12:19Let me take you to the other side.
12:22You know an underrated track,
12:24Deep Cut, on this one?
12:25Batter Up.
12:26You're going to need to get that spritzer ready
12:27because this album is hot shit.
12:30Bone Thugs and Harmony,
12:32E! 1999 Eternal,
12:34one of the best-selling rap albums of all time.
12:37Murder, murder, murder, murder, murder, murder.
12:41Right in front of Salt and Pepper
12:42is very necessary.
12:44Speaking of Cleveland,
12:46MC Brains.
12:48Strange, Jake, strange, Jake,
12:50strange, Jake.
12:51Heard of it?
12:52I have heard of his name,
12:53but I haven't listened to this album.
12:54Oh, my goodness.
12:56Oochie Coochie.
12:57Oh, yeah, I've heard of him.
12:58Oh, you've heard it?
12:59I heard it.
13:00Oh.
13:00Do you only do reaction videos to rap?
13:02Mostly rap,
13:02but I've done reaction videos to Black Midi.
13:05They're like an experimental rock.
13:07Get that headset back on.
13:08I've got something perfect for you.
13:09Okay.
13:09Okay?
13:1098 Degrees Christmas album.
13:12Oh.
13:14To get in the spirit,
13:19I start listening to this baby around August.
13:21Don't let the name fool you, 98 Degrees.
13:23This one is piping hot.
13:25And Wu-Tang.
13:27Because after all,
13:28Wu-Tang is for the children.
13:30I smoke smoke, Daniel.
13:41Yeah, that shit's fire.
13:43No, there's a real fire in here.
13:45Let it burn.
13:46I need the insurance money for tattoo removals,
13:48but you need to get out of here.
13:49There's nothing cops love more
13:51than profiling redheads for arson.
13:52Although an afternoon of juvie
13:54might give you some much-needed street cred.
13:56That fire was great for my insurance settlement.
13:59Horrible for the Filipino family living upstairs.
14:02We'll be right back,
14:03but first, another new segment.
14:05Mike Watson's cool friends.
14:07Let's see you do that way, Watson.
14:27But apparently for ya.
14:28Hi, I'm Gwyneth Paltrow,
14:35the founder and CEO of Goop.
14:37Grab a glass, amigo.
14:40Our tequila is your tequila.
14:42As a parent, you can't control everything.
14:45But for the things you can, you should.
14:48Integrity doesn't pay the bills.
15:01Am I right, Johnny Depp?
15:02That's why, like a lot of you working stiffs,
15:05even the famous have to pick up second and third jobs.
15:08It's time to expose these somewhat embarrassing
15:11celebrity side hustles
15:12in a new segment called Celebrity Side Hustles.
15:16First up, the biggest celebrity side hustler of all, Shaq.
15:20He owns seven Auntie Anne's Pretzels,
15:23one Krispy Kreme,
15:25a Cityplex 12 movie theater in Newark, New Jersey,
15:28and a big chicken restaurant in Vegas.
15:31He recently sold 155 Five Guys franchises.
15:36Now, if I were him,
15:38I'd use that money, buy a few Shake Shacks.
15:40Seems like a no-brainer.
15:42Shaq even joined the board of directors at Papa John's.
15:45I assume to make their pizza taste less racist.
15:48Speaking of Miami Heat greats,
15:51NBA role player Udonis Haslam.
15:54Haslam played meaningful minutes in five years,
15:56but he does own five Starbucks,
15:59two Auntie Anne's Pretzels,
16:02two Einstein Brothers bagels,
16:03and a couple 800-degree wood-fire kitchens.
16:05The guy loves carbs.
16:07Robert De Niro doesn't own a single Auntie Anne's Pretzel,
16:13but he is a part owner
16:15of the famous upscale sushi restaurant's Nobu.
16:19Leonardo DiCaprio,
16:20he's part owner of Casper Mattresses.
16:23Now, if you're over 20,
16:26Leo will never share a bed with you,
16:28but you could still get scoliosis from sleeping
16:32on one of his boxed mattresses.
16:34Now, I'm shocked that Kevin Hart has time for a side hustle.
16:39He's an investor in subscription underwear service Tommy John.
16:43Richard Gere owns a quaint inn and restaurant
16:46in upstate New York.
16:48Akon just stole his diamond mind in South Africa.
16:54Every kiss begins with blood diamonds by Akon.
16:59Rick Ross owns 25 Wing Stops.
17:02Rick Ross, the boss of Dippin' Sauce.
17:05Not to be outdone, Mr. Big Shot himself,
17:08Chauncey Billups, owns 30 Wendy's.
17:11I'll say it right now.
17:12Wendy's has had a spicy chicken sandwich on the menu for decades,
17:17and it's way better than Popeye's.
17:20You're welcome, Chauncey.
17:21Ryan Gosselin owns a Mediterranean restaurant
17:23in Beverly Hills called Tagine.
17:27Now, if you like his acting,
17:28you are gonna love his $12 hummus.
17:32Susan Sarandon owns seven ping-pong clubs.
17:36Susan Sarandon's an idiot.
17:40Justin Timberlake has a denim company
17:41and for some reason owns MySpace in 2020.
17:45Justin Timberlake is also an idiot.
17:48I have to confess,
17:50I also have my own celebrity side hustle.
17:53Just a small little startup aviation company called Auto.
17:58Am I on the board?
17:59No, no, I am not.
18:01But they take my opinions very seriously.
18:04They ask me not to call it the Prius of the skies,
18:07but it's the best way to help you understand the laminar flow.
18:11What's the one great you commercial travelers
18:14have against big celebrities who fly private jets?
18:18Oh, that we don't really care about the environment.
18:21Well, get it out of your system,
18:23because auto is gonna make jet shaming a thing of the past.
18:26You can call them ugly all you want,
18:28but there's way more headroom.
18:30Shit's awesome.
18:31And if this doesn't work,
18:33I got my eye on an Auntie Anne's pretzel franchise
18:36on the San Antonio Riverwalk.
18:39Ooh, that's prime real estate.
18:41We'll be right back with more Tosh.0 on Comedy Central.
18:51Welcome back to the only TV show
18:52that is glad live stand-up comedy is dead.
18:55Next week, find out what popular
18:59masked-based singing show we'll be parodying.
19:06Follow me on the 22 majors of social media.
19:09As you know, these are our final episodes on Comedy Central.
19:12And just because I may be moving on to another network
19:14doesn't mean I don't love CeCe.
19:17And to prove it, we've been paying tribute
19:19to some of my favorite executives
19:20that have made Tosh.0
19:22the longest-running weekly live-action show
19:25in network history.
19:26This week, it's Viacom's EVP
19:29of integrated marketing, Chris Vacara.
19:32Everybody at the network's favorite Chris.
19:35By a mile.
19:37The number of Subarus this guy has sent to me
19:40and my family, not to mention allowing my staff
19:43to have team bonding retreats
19:45at world-class ski destinations.
19:48Keep your head down, Chris Vacara,
19:50and Godspeed.
19:51We're running out of episodes here,
19:54but there's no shortage of executives
19:55that deserve recognition.
19:57A few honorable mentions are Sarah Babineau.
20:01Now, she never thought we should have been
20:03taken off the air during the pandemic.
20:05I respect that.
20:06Monika Zielinska, oh,
20:09gave my wife a script deal.
20:11Jonas Larson.
20:13That guy tried to give me three more TV shows.
20:15I gave him an electric bicycle.
20:17Blossom left court was always on my side.
20:23Liz Porter, best high kick in the game.
20:27Finally, this week's lucky SOB.
20:30Hell yeah.
20:45Hell yeah, indeed.
20:47That's our lucky son of a bitch.
20:50Hologram, disengage.
20:52Good night.
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