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00:00Tosh.0 features videos from the internet and is intended for a mature audience.
00:04Comedy Central does not condone the activities performed and discourages anyone from attempting them.
00:09Enjoy.
00:30A reverse Nassar.
00:37That's when the patient gets to sexually assault the doctor.
00:40I know.
00:41I've missed having us on the air, too.
00:43Welcome, fellow COVID survivors.
00:46Against my better judgment, I've decided to let you in to the Tosh.0 bubble for one half hour.
00:51Since I first created the season of mourning back in January, I never imagined we'd be celebrating a million deaths worldwide.
00:59Way to put a mouth on it, Daniel.
01:01Tonight, you progressives will be happy to know our first ever web legend is black.
01:07Is something in your house cake?
01:09The answer may surprise you.
01:11And this week's lucky son of a bitch.
01:13Now, let's watch her put the hoe in COVID.
01:19Who doesn't love an aggressive dry handy?
01:22We should treat all of our frontline workers with this level of goddamn respect.
01:27When it comes to touching pork, it's better to ask Allah for forgiveness than permission.
01:32Cultural question.
01:34You guys wearing a mask on top of your burger or underneath it?
01:37Good news, you tested negative.
01:39Bad news, we have to sever your hand for dishonoring your husband.
01:42As someone who gets tested five times a day, I know how uncomfortable it can be.
01:47Sorry, I'm just scared.
01:50I'm just checking your temperature.
01:52You can't sue.
01:53Nurse patient confidentiality.
01:55You're good.
01:56No fever.
01:57You appear to be running a little hot today, if you know what I mean.
02:00Don't worry.
02:01That guy's also Ron Jeremy's personal physician, so he's used to it.
02:05Moving on.
02:06Nobody wants to touch anything these days.
02:08It's so light, like we don't know.
02:12Go.
02:12Yeah.
02:13The corrupt CDC recommends using jazz hands.
02:16That one right there is so heavy.
02:18If he had rolling luggage, he'd be dead right now.
02:23It's like finding a buddy early in quarantine.
02:26You can't hesitate.
02:28Go.
02:28That one is...
02:29He was prescribed opioids.
02:32Now his life's a revolving door of heroin relapses.
02:36Irony.
02:37I'm a huge germaphobe, and I have perfected opening doors without using my hands.
02:51And just like that, I've been banned from the office of Chris McCarthy.
02:55I'm joking.
02:56I've never met the man.
02:57I hear great things.
02:59Okay.
02:59No socks, white Crocs.
03:02You know this guy f***ed.
03:04Ready?
03:05Okay.
03:06All right, I'm gonna let this go.
03:07It's called a driveway.
03:09Ooh!
03:10Elon Nordegren designed this course.
03:13This must be one of those creepy gender reveal parties where we find out the sex of the dead
03:18baby in the backseat.
03:20Too far for even a laugh track?
03:22I said creepy.
03:23Let's take another look on the Conica Minolta Swing Vision.
03:28First thing you notice on his address is that bizarre spine angle.
03:31This kid might have scoliosis.
03:33Takes the club back very quickly.
03:35He never quite shifts his weight to that back croc and goes past parallel to a dangerous
03:39degree at the top here.
03:41Then he lets his hips fly open so the club face never catches up with his hands and shoulders.
03:45Also, he's dumb as s***.
03:46Still a prettier swing than Bryson DeChambeau.
03:50All right.
03:50Here's the most effective way to make sure people keep six feet away from you.
03:54Ah!
03:54The scones are so good at that cafe, not one Yelp review mentioned the guy in the suit
04:04constantly firing a pistol.
04:08This was from day two of quarantine.
04:11He's white, so the cops gave him a bottle of water and thanked him for his health.
04:15We could finally make gun jokes now that all mass shootings have been postponed until the
04:19next school year.
04:20Uno mas!
04:30Geek Squad coming in hot!
04:31Now, let's watch a stupid man try to steal smart TV in this week's breakdown.
04:35Welcome to Brazil, a place I'll never go.
04:41Imagine how awful that country is if Giselle prefers to live in Tampa Bay.
04:45Even by gross Florida standards, Tampa's a shithole.
04:50Doesn't he realize you can get a 65-inch Vizio at Costco for 20 bucks?
04:55You can't righty-tighty-lefty-loosey a TV off the wall.
04:59His partner just tried to run through the window that wasn't broken.
05:06Now, that's on Windex for their streak-free shine.
05:09I assume they'll try to blame this on BLM protesters for all the property damage.
05:16Everything's so slippery.
05:17Looks like that floor's got that WAP.
05:20The perfect heist.
05:22A damaged TV split three ways.
05:25This must be Ellen's crisis response team.
05:27You can't replace a TV host if there are no TVs.
05:30Who wants my thoughts on Ellen?
05:32No one?
05:33No, I don't give a shit.
05:34I'm gonna need to get up on my soapbox.
05:36You're telling me Ellen is a bitch?
05:38Who cares?
05:39Try working for me, and you'll see how kind Ellen is.
05:42If my employees ever complained to the press about how mean I am,
05:46I'd have their families killed.
05:47She's your boss, not your best friend.
05:49Stop looking her in the eyes.
05:51She's generous enough to pay you every week.
05:53How much more coddling do you babies need?
05:55Why don't you move back to Ohio, get a job selling Dodge Rams or something?
06:00Maybe Ellen would be a little less moody if you wrote better bits
06:03and didn't force a senior citizen to dance like a moron five days a week.
06:07What video was I talking about?
06:09Oh, f*** it.
06:10And for that, we thank you.
06:12But first, let's celebrate the last sunburn of the season.
06:18All right, here we go.
06:19One, two, three.
06:21One, two, three.
06:51Fun, fun, fun, fun.
06:52Looking forward to the weekend.
06:55Personally, I'm more of a Tuesday guy.
06:58No, you're not watching a rerun.
07:00It's 2020 and Rebecca Black Lives Matter.
07:03Some artists work forever to get in the spotlight.
07:06Others have their mom pay a shitty producer four grand to make a music video for their not especially talented daughter.
07:11We featured Friday nearly a decade ago, and it spread quicker than Jerry Falwell's wife's legs for Cabana Boy while that good Christian watched.
07:20To this day, Friday is still one of the most disliked YouTube videos of all time.
07:25And guess who Rebecca Black blames for it?
07:28Antifa?
07:29No.
07:30Yours truly.
07:31It's hard being a 13-year-old girl, and even harder when middle-aged men call you shitney spears.
07:37I guess sometimes I'm the one who needs redeeming.
07:40But whilst most child stars turn to drugs and alcohol, my gal Rebecca got her revenge the right way.
07:48Woo!
07:48There's no arguing Friday is a bad song, but it's meant to be enjoyed ironically, like the Toronto Raptors or Chipotle.
07:59Plus, now that every single day in this quarantine hellscape feels exactly the same, we need Rebecca to remind us that if it's Friday, tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards.
08:11And since Comedy Central has resorted to rebooting anything that was kind of popular decades ago, I thought it would be fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, to invite Rebecca Black to be our first ever web legend.
08:35Big thank you to Ed Sheeran.
08:36Cheers, mate.
08:37Up next in our Tiny Desk Concert Series is America's original viral sweetheart, please welcome Miss Rebecca Black.
08:45When are we supposed to beg people for money when we have a concert going on every two seconds?
08:50Hey!
08:56Knock it off!
08:58Take it down a few notches, you big gorilla!
09:01My apologies, Rebecca, the NPR Tiny Desk Office Band is really amped to see you.
09:05Yeah.
09:06Hello.
09:06Hi.
09:07Okay, let's start off with one of your songs.
09:09How about Call Me Maybe?
09:11That was Carly Rae Johnson.
09:12Huh, okay.
09:14Gangnam Style.
09:15No.
09:15Harlem Shake.
09:16No.
09:17Pants on the Ground.
09:18No.
09:19What does the fox say?
09:20No, no.
09:21Shallow.
09:22Yes, that was me and Bradley Cooper.
09:24Okay.
09:24No, I'm the girl who sang Friday.
09:27Ooh, not a fan.
09:29Do you have any new music?
09:30Yes, I do.
09:31I just put out a new song.
09:32It's called Self-Sabotage.
09:34Would you like to hear it?
09:35That's what we're here for.
09:36Okay.
09:36Why do I give f***ing good things up?
09:43Running from the ones I love the most.
09:48I self-sabotage, I self-sabotage, I self-sabotage every little thing.
09:55That's lovely.
09:58You know, what advice do you have to people that listen to someone sing?
10:02I always get uncomfortable.
10:04Never know what to do.
10:04Just don't look them in the eye.
10:05And don't know where to stare.
10:07You close your eyes and that's nice.
10:08Then I feel like, oh, I'm relaxed.
10:10But then if you open your eyes, I'm like, where am I supposed to stare?
10:12I'm just asking, where do you want me to look?
10:15I feel like a good move is like a down and to the right.
10:18Like this?
10:18Now I feel like I'm looking at your legs.
10:20That's uncomfortable.
10:20Just in your own personal moment.
10:22I'm just going to get your shoulder.
10:24That's bizarre.
10:27Let's talk about your bangs.
10:28Are you okay, girl?
10:29I'm okay.
10:32I'm okay.
10:33You just made a post on Instagram that went viral.
10:37It was the nine year.
10:38Nine year is not a big anniversary of anything.
10:41I felt good that day.
10:42I posted it.
10:43That's about it.
10:43Were you surprised that that became such a popular post?
10:46Yeah.
10:47Honestly, like I tried to say just something different.
10:49Do you think that's why it got popular?
10:50Or do you think it got popular because it was like, holy shit, she's hot.
10:54Yeah, but people have said that for the last like five years.
10:56I had the same boobs when I was 13.
10:58But I didn't look at your boobs when you were 13.
11:00Okay, with all due respect.
11:02But now, I still don't.
11:04What's your ethnicity?
11:06My mom's from Mexico and then I'm white.
11:08Mixed people just always are better looking than everyone else.
11:11Look around this room and you just go pure white, pure white, pure white.
11:15Ugh.
11:15Are you pure white?
11:16Oh, yeah.
11:17Yeah.
11:18I mean, you're all right, but still.
11:20The scarf's a bit much.
11:22Taylor fans call themselves Swifties.
11:24Do Rebecca fans call themselves Blackies?
11:26No.
11:28Did you write the lyrics?
11:30To Friday?
11:30Uh-huh.
11:31No.
11:31Can you give me a dollar amount on that song?
11:33No.
11:34Do you know what it is?
11:35No.
11:35I'm curious.
11:36I mean, it was pretty good, right?
11:38For a 13-year-old, it has to be huge.
11:40It's fine.
11:40Buy a car type of money?
11:42I did.
11:43Okay.
11:44Not to rehash too many bad memories, but what were some of the crazy things people would write
11:49out to you?
11:50Everything.
11:51People are really good at pinpointing things that you don't like about yourself that you
11:57don't even know you don't like about yourself until somebody says it.
11:59Do you blame me for making people aware of the video?
12:04Or do you give us credit for making it?
12:06I do give you credit.
12:07Oh, you give us credit for it.
12:08All the time.
12:08We were obviously, let's not, you know, we weren't like, oh my God, this is the greatest
12:12song in the world.
12:13We were like, look at this.
12:14This is insanity.
12:15I mean, it was a little bit insane.
12:16I mean, some of the lyrics are silly.
12:18Yeah.
12:18So you're still in the music world.
12:30I am.
12:30Why in the world would you continue?
12:32Why not?
12:32You have something that you want to do, and when you've been wanting to do it since you
12:36were a baby, essentially, it's like you're just going to figure it out for yourself.
12:40Everybody has that, I think.
12:41Right?
12:42Wouldn't you agree?
12:43How long have you been doing the show?
12:44Oh, f***.
12:45Long time.
12:46Yes.
12:47But comedy is different.
12:48The music industry, out of all the dumb show-busy stuff, is by far the most ridiculous.
12:53Because no matter how good you are, it still takes luck, gatekeepers, blah, blah, blah, you
13:00know?
13:00But comedy, if you're good at comedy, you might not become famous, you might not get
13:03a TV show, but you're going to make a lot of money.
13:05Okay.
13:06So it's fair.
13:07Sure.
13:07In that sense.
13:08But music's not fair at all.
13:10You can be the best band in the world, and nothing happens to you forever.
13:13Unfortunately, many industries are like that.
13:15You know?
13:16No.
13:16It's not really about what?
13:16Just music.
13:17Just music.
13:17It's just music.
13:18Okay.
13:19Every other industry's normal.
13:20I don't know.
13:21Ish.
13:21Okay.
13:22You don't think Christian Bale would get work?
13:24The guy is f***ing amazing.
13:26I hate actors, but that guy, you watch him in a movie, you're like, oh man, he's good.
13:31You like Christian Bale?
13:32Yeah, you do.
13:35Who did your favorite cover of Friday?
13:37I think Jimmy Fallon.
13:38I think Jimmy Fallon.
13:38I think Jimmy Fallon.
13:38Thursday, yeah, it is Friday, Friday.
13:42If I couldn't tell a joke, I would do it.
13:44That's what I would say to him.
13:46He wouldn't remember.
13:47Too drunk.
13:49I'm teasing.
13:50He's, yeah, I'm not.
13:51What do you feel when you listen to Friday now?
13:55It's cute.
13:56You ever been out somewhere and people play it just to torture you?
13:59I was in the gym in a workout class.
14:02And yeah, he played Friday and I was like, please.
14:05That happens to me in Spin's class.
14:07They'll always put on my comedy albums at SoulCycle.
14:10And I'm like, come on, guys.
14:12Play the next track.
14:13I like it better.
14:15How come Fridays, the restaurant, never gave you an endorsement?
14:19That's a great question.
14:20I also, I'm not a big fan of them ever since they switched from TGI.
14:23I always liked saying TGI Fridays.
14:25You know why they took it out?
14:26I think because of.
14:27Because it says God?
14:28Yep.
14:29And then stupid people in the South are like, are they, is that restaurant using God's name in vain?
14:34We're going to go get our tater skins over at Bennigan's.
14:36Now, I understand you haven't performed Friday in over 13 years.
14:40That's not true.
14:41Here to perform Friday, live, for the first time in over 13 years.
14:47I, I, I, so excited.
14:48Take it away, Rebecca Black.
14:50One, two, three.
14:52It's Friday, Friday.
14:55Gotta get down on Friday.
14:58Everybody's looking forward to the weekend, weekend.
15:02Party and party and.
15:04Yeah!
15:04Partying, partying
15:06Fun, fun, fun, fun
15:09Looking forward to the week
15:11Yesterday was Thursday
15:14Today it is Friday
15:18Come on, thank you
15:20We, we, we so excited
15:23We so excited
15:25I don't want this weekend to end
15:34Thank you for coming in, Rebecca
16:03See you at the big 19 year read
16:06Huge Rebecca Black update
16:10Since we shot that she publicly came out
16:13Glad I inspired her with my fluid sexuality
16:17We'll be right back
16:18But first, there's always something gross coming out of China
16:21Come on, come on, come on
16:26Come on, come on
16:28Thank you
16:29Thank you
16:30Thank you
16:31Thank you
16:33Thank you
16:35Thank you
16:36Thank you
16:38Thank you
16:40Thank you
16:41Thank you
16:43Thank you
16:44Thank you
16:45Thank you
16:46Thank you
16:47Thank you
16:48Thank you
16:49Thank you
16:50If this pandemic has taught us anything
17:10It's that baking is very easy
17:12And even your lame girlfriend can do it
17:14Call me an old fashioned racist
17:16But I think a cake should look like a cake
17:19Let's settle it with a game of
17:21Is it cake?
17:24Ah
17:25Ah
17:26Ah
17:27Ah
17:28Ah
17:29Ah
17:30Ah
17:31Ah
17:32Ah
17:33Ah
17:34Ah
17:35Ah
17:36That's a big cake
17:37Must be somebody's wedding today
17:39Ah
17:43Why is this cake so thin?
17:44That's my paycheck
17:45Ah
17:46Nice try
17:47Want a slice?
17:48Ah
17:49Ah
17:50Ah
17:51Ah
17:52Ah
17:53Okay, this tire is definitely cake
17:56Not real like the other three
17:58Get back here cake
18:01Damn, that's some fast cake
18:03There has gotta be cake in there
18:06Okay, obviously the outer shell isn't cake
18:09But if I can get this deep enough
18:11I think I'll hit cake
18:13Finally, some real cake
18:18Apple pie?
18:22I don't know what's real anymore
18:24Am I cake?
18:28I'm sad to report I am not a cake
18:31But I am a certified snack
18:33It's not just baking
18:34Everyone's doing a lot more cooking at home these days
18:37So here's the Tosh.0 quarantine kitchen tip of the week
18:41What?
18:47Ah
18:48My cornhole has a spiralizer in it
18:53We'll be right back with more Tosh.0
18:55On Comedy Central
19:05Welcome back to the only TV show that probably should have been on the air this whole time
19:09Next week I soil myself with this gorgeous gardener
19:14Now when you water your plant make sure that you rotate it like you rotate on that dick
19:18To make sure that it gets even sunlight and so that it doesn't grow in like one direction or like lean to the side
19:23Alright, that's your tip for the week. See you next week on Child Gardening, bitch. Bye!
19:27Can't wait to finally use all my hilarious horticulture jokes
19:32Not to be confused with my botany material
19:36Follow me on the four majors of social media
19:38These are our final episodes on Comedy Central
19:41And just because I may be moving on to another network
19:44Does not mean I don't love CC
19:47And to prove it
19:49We're gonna pay tribute to some of my favorite executives
19:52That have made Tosh.0 the longest running weekly live action show in network history
19:57First up, Kent Alterman
20:00The Barack Obama of Comedy Central
20:03The best
20:04I love this guy
20:05Just gets comedy
20:07Okay?
20:08Has a great relationship with talent
20:10One time he lost a bunch of weight in a month
20:14And we all thought he had AIDS
20:16But really he just started biking to work
20:19Thanks for everything, Kent
20:20Now, this week's lucky son of a bitch
20:40Whew!
20:42Mom was a shoestring away from finding out how much a three-foot casket cost
20:47His kid's one lucky son of a bitch
20:50Hologram, disengage
20:52Good night!
21:10Look out
21:14Everyone
21:15If anyone sees a huge profit
21:16I know
21:17Look at me
21:18I know
21:20You
21:21You
21:22Ta- Advent
21:23How much?
21:24What's happened to me?
21:26That's what I do
21:27You
21:28We
21:29Maybe
21:31Where'
21:31We
21:34We
21:35We
21:38We
Recommended
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