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00:00Tosh.0 features videos from the internet and is intended for a mature audience.
00:04Comedy Central does not condone the activities performed and discourages anyone from attempting them.
00:09Enjoy.
00:30Hopefully an avalanche will preserve his body until science finds a cure for being too radical.
00:42Welcome to Tosh.0.
00:44Before you watch tonight, make sure you binge the previous 300 episodes so everything makes sense.
00:49It's the final episode of the season of mourning, and I'm wearing this tasteful ensemble to commemorate what everyone will agree is easily the worst tragedy of the world.
01:00I love this god-forsaken year, the death of my beloved dog, Castro. Season of mourning.
01:06Tonight, I bring back some of my favorite musical guests to serenade me one last time.
01:10I show you why 2020 was a pretty great year.
01:14For me, financially.
01:16And this week's lucky SOB.
01:19Now, you're not going to set a new world record for most consecutive snow angels without a little pain.
01:25There's two eyes in skiing.
01:31Never hit the slopes without a buddy.
01:34Hope that drone has enough juice left to fly him to the hospital.
01:39He won't be so stoked when he forfeits his ski rental deposit.
01:43You know, same thing happened to me when I was knocking out some cardio on my Nordic track.
01:48No, it is a bitch to steer.
01:50Low impact, my ass.
01:52If a flywheel caught a branch, this is on the grooming crew.
01:56At least I didn't waste $2,500 on a Peloton.
01:59That resort's going to have a lawsuit on their hands.
02:02I can't believe they let me on the ski lift for that thing.
02:05Moving on.
02:05I now present Human Centipede Live.
02:12It's a thought-provoking piece about inserting oneself into other people's business.
02:18Can COVID be passed from asshole to mouth?
02:22When do they start singing about Alexander Hamilton?
02:25Keep Broadway closed forever.
02:27The gal at 9 o'clock's really ruining the performance.
02:31But I don't blame her.
02:32I hear the guy in front of her has been eating leftover chili for two weeks.
02:37In lieu of flowers, the cast requests that you leave dry shampoo.
02:42Okay, is this West Hollywood after Biden won?
02:45No?
02:46It's a celebration of Egypt's police department.
02:50What's their budget for baby oil?
02:53Not everything you do has to be a pyramid, Egypt.
02:56You know, for a country that's famously anti-gay, they sure are trying to give me a boner.
03:03Our Thanksgiving Day Parade just has band geeks and Snoopy balloons.
03:08But I'm still excited and surprised when Chris McCarthy, hmm, good luck,
03:14asked me to appear on Comedy Central's float this year.
03:17I hope there's a doctor in the house because this next float is going to have us all in stitches.
03:22It's Comedy Central's headlining talent, Daniel Tosh,
03:25and assorted animated characters from the 90s to be added later.
03:28Should have jumped off this ship when Key and Peele did.
03:30I was there all by myself since I'm the last one at the network who's not a cartoon.
03:36All right.
03:37Here's why we're moving toward a cashless society.
03:42Almost as gross as the people with those iPhone holder wallet combos.
03:46Whatever happened to sticking your cash between your tits like a lady?
03:51If you use that 50 to amputate your foot, you disgusting f**k.
03:55Like anyone's really trying to steal your weird red money.
03:58Little Moss.
04:04Someone just realized there's no continental breakfast.
04:07Time for a reminder that as bad as COVID has been,
04:10it's given us tons of amazing footage in this week's Breakdown.
04:16Welcome to beautiful Varginha, Brazil.
04:20If there's one thing Brazilians keep neat and tidy, it's their Varginhas.
04:26Nowadays, you can't get a room without a temperature check.
04:29But this guy's acting like they're trying to take it rectally.
04:31I believe the reservation is under asshole.
04:35Based on the flip-flops alone,
04:36I could have told you he was going to be a real pile of s**t about this.
04:41You just can't move that.
04:43If we don't have the sanctity of a stanchion barrier,
04:46we have nothing.
04:49There you go.
04:49Hit the silent alarm.
04:51Soon this place will be buzzing with bellhops.
04:54A bottle.
04:56That's going to be a $20 incidental now.
04:58An elaborate distraction so his girlfriend can sneak in for a lobby dump.
05:03Never throw hands with a guy who has 24-hour access to a fitness center.
05:08I'm sure he'd stop whipping your s**t if you agree to sign up for their rewards program.
05:14Nothing makes you question a relationship like watching your boyfriend get his s**t whipped.
05:20Hopefully, President-elect Biden's vaccine will hit the shelves soon.
05:24And for that, we thank you.
05:27But first, Christmas isn't even a fireworks holiday.
05:41DJ, make these white people get up and dance.
05:45I'm the Christmas.
05:46I did it.
05:47I'm Dipper.
05:48I'm Dipper.
05:49I'm Dipper.
05:50I'm Dipper.
05:50Dwa-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh.
05:53Battle cat advance.
05:55Fist will stay behind me.
05:57I love you've got Fisto deep within your hiding.
06:01While I may dabble in comedy, the true heartbeat of Tosh.0 has always been the music.
06:07This show is the official home for musicians with low talent and zero self-awareness.
06:13Over 12 years and 43 Grammy wins, our green screen has been graced by high-profile artists such as What What in the Butt, Ice J.J. Fish, Krispy Kreme, the Smell Yo Dick Lady, Selena Gomez, the Chocolate Rain Guy.
06:29It's like the world's most irritating Spotify playlist.
06:32Still, each of them is more famous than any winner of The Voice.
06:37Do I really care where anyone is now?
06:40No.
06:40But this is 2020, and TV reunions of desperate old cast members are the only new things you can watch.
06:47That's why I came up with a totally original idea to make people sing with mask on.
06:54For this year's Tosh.0, that's what they're up to now.
06:56Redemption reunion spectacular.
06:58Welcome to the Masked Celebrity Singer.
07:03Now let's meet your panel.
07:05The Tosh.0 security guard, Barry.
07:08Daniel Tosh's oldest living dog, Ava.
07:12Daniel Tosh.
07:15And Daniel's wife, Fanny.
07:17Like Tim and Kanye, she's hot.
07:19He's a self-proclaimed heterosexual genius, and their entire marriage is just for the cameras.
07:24Breaking up would be bad for business.
07:26I'd rather be unhappy than poor.
07:28Okay, time to find out who our first singer is.
07:31Say hello to the not-so-itsy-bitsy spy girl!
07:37I will spy on you.
07:39On a scale of 1 to 10, I'm a double O.
07:43I am one of three women over age 30 to ever appear on Tosh.0.
07:46I'm doing it all for love.
07:50Oh, I swear for the love above.
07:54Baby, I'm doing it all for love.
08:01Will our judges be able to guess who's behind that mask?
08:04That's former president Barack Obama.
08:09That is an awful guess.
08:10Ava, who do you think it is?
08:12Let me guess.
08:13That's another delusional internet star that you're exploiting.
08:16I'd recognize that husky masculine voice anywhere.
08:19That's Gigi the Bond girl.
08:21I'm a Bond girl.
08:24I'm a Bond girl.
08:26I understand there's a new Bond boy in your life.
08:38Yes, my wonderful husband Will.
08:40Well, I'll be honest with you.
08:41This is a little bittersweet for me.
08:44Oh.
08:45So you are now off the market.
08:46Yes.
08:47You know, when you're in show business,
08:48after a while, a girl never knows what hotel room
08:51she's going to be washing her panties out in.
08:52The one thing that has always happened
08:54with all the guys I've ever been with,
08:56and there have been a few.
08:57Oh, that's fair.
08:58No one's judging you.
08:59We don't slut shame.
09:00We've all had our moments.
09:01Some more than others.
09:02He was just so nice.
09:04But our nice guy's good in bed.
09:06Oh, God.
09:06He's enough for me.
09:08He's enough for you.
09:09Does that mean he has a large penis?
09:11I don't know what you're saying.
09:12I'm sorry.
09:13It sounded like you were saying he has a large hog.
09:15What size mattress do you sleep on?
09:17At home, I sleep on a queen size.
09:19What about upgrading to a king?
09:20Whatever is in that hotel,
09:22they have got the best mattresses.
09:24Oh, would you like a king size bed?
09:25Oh, she loves you so much.
09:27Oh, my God.
09:27She's adorable.
09:28Well, she knows that without me
09:29that she would starve to death.
09:32Utterly fascinating, Gigi.
09:33We'll see you.
09:34Thank you, Daniel, for everything.
09:37Oh, no.
09:38Sorry, my wife's here.
09:39My wife.
09:40I'm so sorry.
09:41No disrespect.
09:42Bye, Ava.
09:42Now, let's bring out our next singer.
09:45Give it up for Lil' Fox.
09:49I'm all bossed up.
09:51I'm the DJ Khaled of crappy internet music.
09:54Ow.
09:55I'm a tiny man.
09:57So I'm going to still be balling if this track never hits the charts.
10:00I'm balling, bitch.
10:01I'm balling.
10:02I still think it's Barack Obama.
10:07Jesus Christ, Barry.
10:08We're doing a parody of a show Barack Obama wouldn't be on.
10:12And everyone who's on this show has been on Tosh.0.
10:16I still think it's Barack Obama.
10:18There's only one person that fits into a size medium costume.
10:22And that's the best producer alive, Mark V.
10:25That's right.
10:27What's up, Daniel?
10:29Holy shit.
10:31I wouldn't even believe that that's Mark V standing in front of me.
10:35What happened to the platinum blonde locks?
10:37Every time I would walk into a room, people would have to call 911
10:40because my hair would set the place on fire.
10:45You had Tosh.0 tattoo on your forearm.
10:48Do you regret it yet?
10:50No, man.
10:50He baptized me in the game.
10:52How's your car, Bumblebee?
10:53Last time we had you on the show, she was in the shop.
10:56You know what?
10:56I crashed my Bumblebee on purpose so I could boss up and get a new car.
11:02Okay, so insurance fraud.
11:04No insurance fraud.
11:05But I did total it like a rock star.
11:07And luckily, nobody got hurt.
11:09That was the most important thing.
11:11But the most important thing was that you totaled it and got paid off it.
11:13Right.
11:14Thank you, AAA.
11:17What hits have you produced since we've last spoke?
11:20Outer Space, where I'm playing the keytar.
11:22Are you allowed to say keytarded?
11:30Probably not.
11:31That's fine.
11:32I didn't know.
11:32Talk to me about Mark V's love life.
11:35Let's hear it.
11:36I do have girlfriends.
11:38So that means more than one.
11:39Yeah, more than one.
11:40Has Mark V been in love?
11:42With Mark V.
11:44Yeah.
11:44What size mattress do you sleep on?
11:48Queen.
11:49Because I live in a studio apartment.
11:51Is there a loft or is it just straight studio?
11:53A studio.
11:53Uh-huh.
11:54But it's a nice size.
11:55I got the full kitchen.
11:56You got a dishwasher?
11:57No.
11:58No, I don't.
11:58I use paper plates.
12:00That's bad for the environment, Mark V.
12:01My bad.
12:05He said my bad.
12:07Mark V, thanks for stopping by.
12:09Vaya con Dios.
12:10See you later, little fella.
12:11Now it's time for our final singer of the night.
12:14He's so sorry.
12:15He's so sorry.
12:15He's so sorry.
12:16Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the striking Viking.
12:21My eyebrows appear to be made of electrical tape.
12:24I've been accused of putting pudding in my hair.
12:27I'm not sure where I am or how I got here.
12:29I am Buff Carell.
12:31Dang it, Buff.
12:32You ruined the game.
12:34Stop the music.
12:35Did we rent that head?
12:39We're not getting our money back on that one.
12:41Let me tell you something.
12:43I don't enjoy probably any aspect of my life.
12:46But man, you just put a smile on my face when I see you.
12:49Same with you, man.
12:50That's right.
12:50You know how often I quote you?
12:52A lot.
12:53Whatever the you said at the end of our last redemption,
12:56I get it wrong.
12:57I'm like, mangoes and broccoli and gratata.
12:59Mango.
13:00Mangoes and broccoli.
13:02That's how they served me back when I was in Korea in the army.
13:04They said, would you like some mangoes and broccoli?
13:05Mangoes and broccoli?
13:06Broccoli.
13:07Broccoli.
13:07Hey.
13:08Oh, good stuff.
13:09Are you a little under the weather?
13:10Yeah, I'm a little under the weather.
13:11The flight was a little here and there.
13:13You have the coronavirus?
13:15I hope not.
13:15Boy, that's coming around real smooth and fast,
13:17and I'm hoping to dodge and weave away from that.
13:19That's how you do it.
13:20You got to dodge and weave away.
13:21What are you doing with this mustache?
13:22You grew a little Hitler mustache?
13:24I had it before, but I was kind of...
13:26Before Hitler?
13:27No, no, not before Hitler.
13:28MJ, we go back to MJ.
13:30MJ tried to bring the Hitler mustache back.
13:31Yeah, okay, okay.
13:33Unsuccessfully.
13:33I really didn't make it look like the Hitler mustache.
13:35Just one time, I was just drunk and just shaved it off wrong.
13:38So you kept it?
13:38I kept it like that because somebody was like,
13:41hey, that's pretty dope.
13:41We should try to keep it.
13:42No, no, no one said it looks dope.
13:43No, okay, you knew I was taking it on wrong.
13:45Okay, I don't know how to come back from that,
13:47so now we're just going to just let it...
13:49Let it go.
13:49Just let it go.
13:50How many apples have you eaten today?
13:52Oh, you know, I got it.
13:53I remember you told me that last night.
13:54At least five on the plane.
13:56I almost hit a one with the hair of the apple on the plane.
13:58She was like, how many apples you eating?
13:59I said, five?
14:00She was like, yeah, just people are carrying away
14:02about me eating a lot of fruit and apples.
14:04You like fruit?
14:05I like fruit.
14:05Body doesn't lie.
14:06The fruit likes you.
14:07Right.
14:08You still making music every day?
14:10Oh, man, it's got even better for me.
14:12I think my voice has gotten better.
14:13I think my dance moves has gotten better.
14:24Are you still in the same bedroom?
14:29Yeah, I'm still in the same bedroom.
14:30What kind of bed do you sleep in?
14:32I don't know.
14:32It's not a comfortable bed.
14:33I slept in the most comfortable bed when I was on...
14:35I've been hearing a lot about this bed we're putting people up.
14:37Why don't we save the show money and get, like, a less comfortable bed?
14:41How has your life changed since being on my show?
14:45Respect, because before I was just known kind of as a joke,
14:48but when I got on your show, all of a sudden everybody was like,
14:50he's the bomb, he's the one, he's Michael Jackson now,
14:53he's all these great things now, and so...
14:54Well, Michael Jackson doesn't have the best reputation right now.
14:57No, no, but he's...
14:58But back in the day.
14:59Yeah, he's Thriller, Michael Jackson.
15:00Right, not ten locks on the door, Michael Jackson.
15:03Good stuff, Buff.
15:05Gigi, Mark Five, come on back out one last time.
15:08Don't worry, I'll edit this so it looks like we're all standing together.
15:10From all of us, the mass celebrity singer, good night.
15:14Bengals and brothers.
15:15Bengals.
15:18Ken Jeong wanted to be in that bed,
15:19but we didn't pick up any of his many, many calls.
15:23We'll be right back, but first,
15:24if this were season two,
15:26I'd make this next video a nana-nana-boo-boo.
15:28But here in year 12,
15:30I'm better off creating a new segment called
15:32That Seems Dangerous, Kid, What's Wrong With You?
15:35Stick Your Head in Doo-Doo.
15:47Yeet!
15:47Welcome back to another TV show that's hosted by the rare way.
15:54We'll come here to the winner of Fetal Mile.
15:57As you know, these are the feet.
16:00You speciesists.
16:02Yes.
16:03Speciesists.
16:05But it's hard to consider those mistakes
16:07when guys on other networks are getting caught jerking it.
16:10Whether you were gasping for air on a ventilator,
16:14coughing from all the wildfires,
16:16or getting choked to death by a racist cop,
16:18the theme for 2020 was I Can't Breathe.
16:21America was divided between mass wearers
16:24and f***ing morons.
16:25Everyone's screen time went up 500%,
16:28and we ran out of toilet paper
16:29after every woman got whopped.
16:31Sure, COVID murdered a quarter million citizens,
16:34but at least we didn't have to attend any weddings, graduations,
16:37or the scattering of my sister-in-law's ashes.
16:40Thanks to voter fraud,
16:42Trump went from the apprentice to the biggest loser,
16:44despite Mark Zuckerberg and your Aunt Karen's best efforts.
16:48Thanks to Kobe,
16:49we're running out of room for murals in L.A.
16:51RBG became the first 87-year-old to be gone too soon.
16:55Marvel fans were sad that Chris Pratt
16:57wasn't the first Avenger to die.
16:59Kenny Rogers knew when to fold him.
17:01Van Halen is shredding on a harp,
17:03and Alex Trebek hosted his final, Final Jeopardy.
17:06Yet sadly, Chuck Woolery and Pat Sajak
17:09still walk among us.
17:11Oh, and Connery.
17:13Dead Connery.
17:14I like to imagine that Harvey Weinstein
17:17is in prison somewhere getting butt f***ed by Ron Jeremy.
17:20NBC replaced Ellen with Ellen.
17:23Kanye didn't get votes,
17:25and the Kardashians didn't get ratings.
17:27And we'll never see Alec Baldwin on SNL again.
17:30Lock him up.
17:32Baseball played a shortened season that was still too long.
17:35The Miami Heat were runners-up
17:36to the biggest asterisk in sports,
17:38and Tua's looking good.
17:40So all in all, 2020 wasn't so bad.
17:42Now, without further ado,
17:44here are the best moments from Tosh.0
17:46in this year's Web Reflection.
17:48Hey, Daniel, what do you want to put in the best of 2020?
17:50Who cares?
17:51My dog died.
17:54I've been stuck in the anger stage for 10 months.
17:56Don't tell me how to mourn.
17:58Now, before you cook your Thanksgiving dinner,
18:00please heed this lady's words of wisdom.
18:03You ready to make us some damn macaroni and damn cheese?
18:05Because you decided to do some bulls***
18:07you didn't see off the damn Internet.
18:08Don't experiment on damn Thanksgiving.
18:10Don't experiment on Thanksgiving.
18:12You experiment by your damn self.
18:14I've done this with cream and cheese before.
18:16Hell, don't try it with us.
18:17We don't want that s***.
18:18Uncle Carrie gave you the damn recipe.
18:20But you chose to do s*** and we all own.
18:23Twelve eggs?
18:24That's not mac and cheese.
18:25It's a goddamn pasta scramble.
18:28We'll be right back with more Tosh.0
18:30on Comedy Central.
18:31Welcome back to the only TV show that has a C-note
18:39riding on the rematch of Roe v. Wade.
18:43Next week, I'll be talking to the Star Wars kid
18:45and Grape Stomp Lady.
18:46Oh!
18:47Oh!
18:48Oh!
18:48Oh!
18:49Oh!
18:49Oh!
18:50Oh!
18:50Nice job, Eric and Taylor.
18:53You finally got them.
18:54Follow me on the three majors of social media.
18:57Go ahead and delete your Facebook already.
18:58As you know, these are our final episodes on Comedy Central.
19:02And just because I may be moving on to another network
19:05doesn't mean I don't love CC.
19:07And to prove it, we've been paying tribute
19:09to some of my favorite executives
19:10that have made Tosh.0
19:12the longest-running weekly live-action show
19:14in network history.
19:16This week, it's not a Comedy Central exec,
19:19but my personal team,
19:21the wonderful people responsible
19:23for my industry-shattering multi-year deal.
19:26Executive producer of this show,
19:28my personal manager, Christy Smith.
19:30My lawyer, PJ Shapiro,
19:33managing partner of Ziffrin Brittenham, LLP.
19:36My business manager, Rob Mandel,
19:39at the management group.
19:40No one's better at holding people accountable
19:42to a contract.
19:44Big hitter, if you can afford it, Mike Kump.
19:47Founding partner of Cancelo Weitzman-Eiser Kump, LLP,
19:51the best in the business
19:52at unwinding relationships on your terms.
19:57Without these people,
19:58I wouldn't be the wealthy comedian I am today.
20:01Also, I'm excited to announce
20:02that I will be releasing a tell-all book,
20:06July 20th, 2021.
20:09The working title is Tosh Point Uh-Oh,
20:12the shocking true story
20:13of my final year at Comedy Central
20:15and other recipes.
20:18Now, it's long, I know,
20:19but like I said, it's a working title.
20:21And to show there are no hard feelings,
20:23I will be sending the new guy here a free copy.
20:26I'm also open to accepting hush money
20:28to scrap the book entirely.
20:30Finally, this week's lucky SOB.
20:32He could be our lucky son of a bitch
20:50for the next five weeks.
20:51Hologram disengage.
20:53Good night.
20:53Good night.
20:54Good night.
20:54Good night.
20:54Good night.
20:55Good night.
20:55Good night.
20:56Good night.
20:56Good night.
20:57Good night.
20:57Good night.
20:58Good night.
20:59Good night.
20:59Good night.
21:00Good night.
21:00Good night.
21:01Good night.
21:01Good night.
21:02Good night.
21:03Good night.
21:04Good night.
21:05Good night.
21:06Good night.
21:07Good night.
21:08Good night.
21:09Good night.
21:10Good night.
21:11Good night.
21:12Good night.
21:13Good night.
21:14Good night.
21:15Good night.
21:16Good night.
21:17Good night.
21:18Good night.
21:19Good night.
21:20Good night.