- 3 hours ago
Season 3 Episode 15
madtv reality playboy
madtv reality playboy
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00:00You are now watching MAP TV.
00:04MAP!
00:07Hey, did you know that President Bill Clinton bought Monica Lewinsky an engagement ring?
00:12No. Where did you hear that?
00:15I read it in the Star. The Kenneth Star.
00:18Yes, it's the Kenneth Star. What you need to read for the lowdown on the big town.
00:23But I read that crime is down, employment is up, and the deficit's been greatly reduced.
00:28Maybe, but President Clinton ate a little boy's dog.
00:32Wow, things are worse than I thought.
00:35Liberal alien tells Clinton oral sex is not cheating.
00:39Wow, I didn't know that.
00:41Only in the Kenneth Star.
00:44Hillary Clinton caught in love tryst with Eleanor Roosevelt's ghost.
00:48Wow, I didn't know that.
00:50Now you do. It's in the Kenneth Star.
00:54Clinton's penis detaches, attacks White House steno pool.
00:57Wow, I didn't know that either.
00:59Get with the program. It's in the Kenneth Star.
01:03Do you want to know what's really going on at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?
01:07Then you have to read the Kenneth Star.
01:10Look at this.
01:12Pamela Lee tells Tommy, you're no Bill Clinton.
01:14Wow, it says here, a woman in France just turned 122 years old.
01:21So?
01:23And Bill Clinton had sex with her.
01:25Wow, I didn't know that.
01:28It's in the Kenneth Star.
01:30Clinton goes on wild sex safari in Bangkok with O.J., Marv Albert, Frank Gifford, and Jacko.
01:35Unbelievable.
01:36Learns secretive mind control from mysterious race of mole people and uses it to hypnotize American women into becoming his sex slaves.
01:44Wow.
01:45Then stops in Maryland to catch a really big fish.
01:49Wait a minute.
01:50Except for the fish part, that whole story sounds highly improbable, ill-founded, and possibly libelous.
01:56Oh, you.
01:57It's in the Kenneth Star.
02:00Then I want to know.
02:01Well, the Kenneth Star, the right newspaper for inquiring grand juries who want to know.
02:08Order now and get a three-and-a-half-year subscription for over $30 million.
02:12Come on, come on, come on, come on.
02:21Man, man, you're so man, crazy.
02:30Man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man.
02:42On Mad TV, the Spice Girls, the Klaylion, and the Coffee Zug.
02:49You are now watching MADtv
03:12Thank you, welcome to MADtv. My name is Pat Kilbane
03:15and I'm having a little trouble finding a girlfriend.
03:19Right here!
03:21But I shouldn't be having this hard a time
03:23because all I really want, all I'm really asking for
03:25is bald French supermodel Eve.
03:30And it could be any woman in the world.
03:32You know, as long as she's bald French supermodel Eve,
03:35I'm okay with that, you know?
03:38That's cool!
03:40So, unfortunately, I'm really busy,
03:42so the only inquiries that I can answer
03:44are those of bald French supermodel Eve.
03:51Other than that, we have 60 minutes
03:53of morally reprehensible, socially irresponsible
03:56comedy programming for you tonight!
03:58No, Billy, I can't go out on Saturday night.
04:11Perfect!
04:12I'm on TV!
04:13Hey!
04:15Hey!
04:16Hey!
04:18Hey!
04:20Hey!
04:22Hello.
04:23I'm Clive Rhys Davies,
04:24President of Blow-A-Gram Records,
04:25and these are the Spice Girls.
04:28Yay!
04:29Go!
04:30Hi, Bob!
04:31We love you, Clive-A.
04:32Of course you do.
04:34Now, you've bought the CDs, the unauthorized biography, the authorized biography, the T-shirts, the movie, the soundtrack from the movie, the remixes from the soundtrack from the movie, and the book on the making of the remixes of the soundtrack from the movie.
04:47And I've made a lot of money.
04:49Us, too.
04:50Gorbs of money.
04:51Yeah.
04:52But now that you've listened to, watched, worn, and read the Spice Girls, really, there's nothing left to do but hunt the Spice Girls.
05:00Welcome to the Great American Spice Girls' Hut.
05:05What the hell are you talking about?
05:07They've got guns for spice's sake.
05:09But I thought you said this was a video shoot.
05:11Oh, it's a shoot, all right.
05:13You see, hunters from around the globe have paid $10,000 each to hunt you down and kill you.
05:19$10,000?
05:20Do we get a cut of that?
05:21Not if we're dead, stupid.
05:23Why are you doing this to us, Clivey?
05:26Because, Emma, darling, this is what the world wants.
05:29what they really, really want.
05:34And that's our cue to begin the hunt.
05:38Release the Spice Girls!
05:48The Great American Spice Girls Hunt will be back in a moment.
05:52All men are surrounded. Surrender at once.
05:59White America will not be taken alive.
06:02Patriots, prepare for battle.
06:05We are giving you one more chance.
06:07We're sending in negotiators.
06:09Okay, but I hope they got better terms than the last.
06:12Hello, fellow humans.
06:23Who the hell are you?
06:24Why, we're the e-racists.
06:26We like to tour community centers and high schools to teach kids
06:28that it isn't cool to hate someone just because they're different.
06:31We've been sent in here to teach you that only pigs care about pigment.
06:36Okay, okay, get the hell out of here.
06:38Hold on, Debbie. Let me handle this.
06:40There's no need to fear us, brother.
06:44Did you just call me brother?
06:46Uh-oh. A racist? Let's do it!
06:53I'm a white girl.
06:54I'm a black guy.
06:56That doesn't mean I hate him.
06:58We see movies. Go for a pizza.
07:02Even though I'd never date him.
07:04Kidding!
07:05White supremacist. Dumb to the extremist.
07:08Listen to our caveat.
07:10You'll be blown up in this compound.
07:14There's nothing supreme about that.
07:17Hitler said that he was your buddy.
07:20He didn't know his elbow from his you-know-buddy.
07:23Debbie, Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.
07:26You here is my friend and my brother.
07:29We're tighter than a candy rock.
07:31I like Angie's neat to talk to, even though she's motion impaired and differently abled.
07:37Hey!
07:38Joyy racist. No one really hates us.
07:41Can't we all just get along?
07:44Put your guns down. Make this place a fun town.
07:47Sing our super happy song.
07:49It's not nice to be a Nazi anymore.
07:56Even foreign taxi drivers we endure.
08:00Christ has left you idiot.
08:02It's not nice to be a Nazi.
08:05We're lower than the pepper and the red tape.
08:08It's not nice to be a Nazi anymore.
08:13Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:14It's not nice to be a Nazi anymore.
08:18Edward, yes, sir.
08:25These kids are terrific.
08:27I feel great about myself.
08:29Come on, everybody.
08:29We're going to surrender.
08:31Yay!
08:31All right.
08:32Way to go, guys.
08:33Bye, guys.
08:34You see, guys, violence is never the answer.
08:42Well, maybe sometime today.
08:44Maybe sometime today.
08:48Coming this Easter from 20th century vines.
08:59Let us eat.
09:00I need a fork over here.
09:02That's what's all done.
09:04That's a great show.
09:05It's wild here today.
09:07You've been so much.
09:09What's wrong with Judas?
09:11Oh, my God.
09:12What's going on?
09:13Oh, my God.
09:14Help me.
09:15Do something.
09:16Ah!
09:18Claylion, resurrection.
09:25My son, there has been a change in plans.
09:28A scourge upon this Earth threatens Christianity.
09:31You will die for the sins of mankind, but I need you to return to Earth in a different form.
09:39A form that has been a box office hit for four sequels.
09:43Sigourney Weaver is Jesus.
09:50I thought you were dead.
09:53Yeah, I get that a lot.
09:54Are you here to give us the word?
09:58No, I'm back to kick some alien butt.
10:01Sigourney Weaver is bigger, fatter, and holier than thou.
10:05Oh, there you are, Jonesy.
10:09Ah!
10:10Ah!
10:11Huh?
10:16Ah!
10:23Ah!
10:24These disciples are dead meat.
10:27Who is it?
10:30Dave.
10:31Uh, Dave's not here, man.
10:35No, I'm Dave.
10:36Okay, cool.
10:40Hey, man, you're not Dave.
10:43Peter, you knew about the alien, didn't you?
10:46No, I didn't.
10:48Don't deny it.
10:50I didn't.
10:51I didn't know.
10:56Great.
10:57He's a robot.
10:58A conspiracy bigger than the prophecies.
11:01The Roman government has harnessed these aliens for their military use as instruments of destruction against Christians everywhere.
11:09Uh, excuse me, Jesus, uh, we really could use a miracle right about now, huh?
11:14Guys, I'm trying to talk to the gooey robot head.
11:17Must be that time of the month.
11:20You can't stop them.
11:21It's Bible-thumping action.
11:23You have my blessing to go to hell.
11:31Hey, come on!
11:35Getcha!
11:36I'll leave!
11:36Put your faith in yet another alien movie.
11:51Claylion.
11:52Resurrection.
11:54In space.
11:56No one can hear you pray.
11:58You want me!
12:03You are
12:07Maine
12:08You are now watching MAP TV
12:12Maine
12:14Clive Reese Davies here again
12:18And welcome back to the Great American Spice Girls Hunt
12:21While we give the girls a bit of a head start
12:23Let's talk to some of our hopeful hunters
12:25Your name, sir?
12:27Ken Choose
12:27Seem it there
12:28And your strategy for today, Ken?
12:31I got a niche trigger finger clap
12:32Here, I've been drinking
12:33A recipe for success
12:36And now it's time
12:38To release the hunters
12:40That would be you
12:44And now let's go to sportscaster Charlie Travers out in the field
12:51What's the word, Charlie?
12:53The word is pandemonium
12:54Charlie Travers here
12:55We're in a big forest
12:57But the Spice Girls are not using it
12:58Instead, they're just running back and forth in this field
13:01Oh, here comes Scary Spice
13:02Let's see if we can get a comment
13:04Scary Spice, wait a minute
13:05What is your strategy to bend off the
13:07Okay, good enough
13:08Hey, here comes Baby Spice
13:10What is your strategy to bend off
13:12Okay
13:12This character
13:14We are so excited
13:15Oh my God
13:18Those were the first shots of the day
13:19Jeez, this is getting close
13:21Good luck
13:21Good luck, girls
13:23I'll tell you
13:24We'll be right back after this
13:25With more Spice Hunt action
13:27The great American Spice Girl Hunt
13:30Will be back in a moment
13:31Okay, Mr. McNer
13:36The first thing is we're going to need a urine specimen from you
13:39So if you can just please fill up the container in the bathroom
13:42Can do, Doc
13:42No vote
13:43Okay, and I'm actually going to need to take that coffee
13:44Oh, well, really, that's a
13:46Thank you
13:47Okay, sure
13:48It's only a $9 cup of Arabian mochaccino
13:54For Pete's sake
13:56I've got to go into my private stash
13:57Coffee, coffee, coffee
14:01Well, I guess I ought to drop the top on the turtle
14:04And get this show on the road
14:05Yes, he's still going
14:23Sounds like it
14:24Are you back?
14:26Mr. McNer, it's Dr. Plotner
14:28Oh, hey, Doc
14:30I can tell you what'll be up with, Jeff
14:31Okay, see, that's just wrong
14:38Mr. McNer, I think we have enough for a sample
14:41What's that you say?
14:44Why don't you just come on out?
14:45Oh, okay
14:46Okay
14:46Okay, here we go
14:54That's the waste paper basket
14:56I told him to fill up the container
14:58Give it to me
14:59Okay
15:00Oh, my God
15:00Well, you can keep the change
15:01I'll tell you what
15:02Why don't you take the lab and...
15:05Okay
15:05Nice working with you
15:07Mr. McNer, I'm Dr. Plotner
15:09You can call me Stan
15:10My friends call me Stan
15:11Mr. McNer, why don't you have a seat?
15:13Oh, okay, sure
15:15Ready, okay
15:17Ready
15:18Okay
15:19Um, the Dolgers Coffee Company
15:22Has been monitoring your...
15:24Your behavior lately
15:26And I've been asked to conduct
15:28A random drug test
15:30Oh, drugs
15:31You know what?
15:32I never touch that stuff
15:33Drugs are for freaks
15:35Why don't we just check that out, okay?
15:38Okay
15:38I want you to follow this light with your eyes
15:40Okay
15:40Okay
15:42Okay
15:44Okay
15:44Mr. McNer
15:45I got it
15:46Yeah, not with your head
15:47No, just with your eyes
15:48Okay, yeah
15:49Okay
15:50I got it
15:51I got it
15:53Mr. McNer, can you blink for me?
15:55Uh, sure
15:55Okay
15:56That was not a blink
16:00Yeah, sure
16:01You ever see I Dream of Jeannie?
16:03Love that show
16:06Yeah, I want you to just breathe normally
16:09Yeah, sure
16:10Mr. McNer, your resting heart rate is 360 beats a minute
16:20You have to be on some kind of drugs to have it beat that fast
16:23360, that's nothing
16:24Watch this
16:25Okay
16:26I got one of these at home
16:27I keep it in my bedroom where my bed used to be
16:30I run on it at night before I...
16:33Okay
16:33Okay
16:34I was just getting warmed up, Doc
16:45That thing's on the fritz, evidently
16:48Mr. McNer, Dolgers does not condone drug abuse
16:51I'm going to have to recommend in my report that you be let go for this reason
16:54Okay, hey, I feel let go
16:55They've put Dolgers as my life
16:57I love mine
16:58Yeah, for Pete's sake
16:59Here he is
17:00Mr. Dolger
17:01We've got his test results
17:03I'm assuming they're positive
17:04Were they?
17:05Tell him
17:06Why, this man's urine is nothing but 100% pure coffee
17:09It's the most flavorful, rich brew I've ever seen
17:13You mean you tasted it?
17:17Not at first
17:17This man's body's a coffee machine and we're going to put it to work
17:21Congratulations
17:22Hooray
17:24I can see it now
17:27New from Dolgers, it's Stan's own special-grown coffee
17:32So good you won't believe what you're drinking
17:34Open the door
17:45Andy, what a pleasant surprise
17:52Hello, Catwoman
17:54Mm-hmm
17:55What can I do for you on this purr-fect day?
17:58I'd like my rake back
18:00Rake?
18:00What rake?
18:02My wife said she saw one of your henchmen come into my backyard and steal my rake
18:07Mm, has anyone ever told you you're cute when you're angry?
18:11Actually, yes
18:12You, every time you steal one of my tools
18:15One million dollars
18:17What?
18:18One million dollars to get your rake back
18:21It's a $15 rake
18:23Nevertheless
18:23Look, I don't want to have to call the police
18:25Oh, Andy, Andy, Andy
18:28You foolish, handsome young man
18:30The police couldn't stop me from kidnapping the Raj of Mufanistan
18:34What makes you think they'll have any better luck getting your rake back?
18:38I'll tell you what
18:39I'm just gonna go into the yard and get the rake myself
18:42I'm afraid I can't allow that
18:43Fluffy
18:44Snowball
18:45Middens
18:46Scootsie
18:47I am so tired of beating the crap out of these guys
18:52These aren't my regular henchmen
18:55Really?
18:57They sure look like your regular guys
18:59Hi, Scootsie
19:00Oh, hi, Andy
19:01Scootsie!
19:01No fraternizing with the superhero
19:03I'm not a superhero
19:05I'm just the guy who wants his rake back
19:07Farewell, Andy
19:10I wish it could have turned out some other way
19:12But, boys
19:14My rake
19:31You haven't won yet, Andy
19:35My scientists have been working night and day on my new super cat spray
19:39That will annihilate you
19:41Hang on
19:42Hello?
19:45I've got to take this
19:46No, I forgot to tape it
19:48But did Victor finally admit to being Danielle's father?
19:51My rake?
19:53You're kidding
19:54Oh, what a cat task
19:56Sure, he got his rake back
19:59But what about his garden hose?
20:01Tune in next week
20:02Same mad time
20:04Same mad channel
20:06Coming up next
20:10Coming up next on Mad TV
20:12Anti-Suicide Hotline
20:14I'm on a bridge
20:15The superstars of the Mexican Wrestling Federation Theater presents
20:20To Kill a Mockingbird
20:22I would break his back like so
20:24With my knee
20:25Get you on the floor
20:26We'll do a deal with soul
20:28You are now watching Mad TV
20:33And now, back to the great American Spice Girl Hunt
20:39That was Sporty Spice
20:43You know, she's favored to last the longest today
20:45Because of her athletic sportiness
20:46And here comes a hunter hot on her trail
20:49Oh, it looks like we've got an old-fashioned hunting accident
20:56It's bound to happen out here
20:58Uh-oh
21:00Come on in
21:01Hello?
21:03I think we got a little Spice Girl doing the old duck and cover
21:06Hello?
21:07There's nobody in here
21:08I believe there is
21:09There's nobody in here
21:10I believe there is
21:11There's no
21:12There's no
21:13There's no
21:14There's no
21:15There's no
21:16Is too
21:17Help me
21:18There's no
21:19There's no
21:20Baby Spice
21:21We've got rules
21:22Can't help you
21:23Spice Girl
21:24Yes, yes, yes
21:26Baby Spice
21:28Right here
21:29Spice Girl
21:30Spice Girl
21:31Right here
21:32Go get him
21:33God
21:34Got a competition
21:35There's nothing like it
21:36Fantastic
21:37If you and your family are enjoying this evening's fun-filled Spice Girls Hunt
21:42You'll want to order the video highlights from my past pop-proof spectaculars
21:46Who can forget the Vanilla Ice Safari and the MC Hammer Toss Into Traffic
21:52For only $129.95, you'll receive the entire Fad Group Hunt collection
21:57Which also includes the New Kids on the Block Skeet Shoot, Color Me Bad in a Thresher
22:02And the previously unavailable Running of the Menudo
22:05So, order now and we'll be back with more Hunt action
22:16Yep
22:17Is this the anti-suicide hotline?
22:20Yep
22:21I don't know what to do
22:23I don't have any friends
22:25I'm worthless
22:26Okay
22:27I have a bottle of vodka and a bunch of barbiturates
22:33I'm just gonna take them
22:34Okay
22:35Okay
22:36Okay
22:39Okay
22:40Antonia, um, let me ask you this
22:44If that had been a real call, what do you think would have happened?
22:47I don't know
22:48Well, frankly it would have been very, very bad
22:52Oh, that's bad
22:54Yes, it is
22:56See, what you have to remember is that here at the anti-suicide hotline, we just say no
23:03You know, we try to stop people from committing suicide
23:06Oh
23:08Let's try another practice call
23:14Anti-suicide hotline
23:16I've got a gun to my head
23:18Give me one good reason why I shouldn't pull the trigger
23:21No
23:32That was better
23:33Um, but
23:35When I said that we here at the anti-suicide hotline say no
23:39I didn't mean that we just say no
23:41I mean, you know, you have to talk to them
23:46Why don't we try it again
23:47Yes, please
23:51Anti-suicide hotline
23:54Anti-suicide hotline
23:55I'm on a bridge
23:56And
24:02You hung up
24:03He was on a bridge
24:05What difference does that make?
24:06You know
24:11Let's go again
24:13And you can't hang up
24:14Anti-suicide hotline
24:18Anti-suicide hotline
24:19I'm gonna kill myself
24:25Say something
24:30I have a cat named TeeTee
24:32You have to stop me from committing suicide
24:35suicide. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing? Stopping you. All right, first of all, I'm not
24:47the one really committing suicide. And second of all, even if I was, you wouldn't be in the room
24:51with me. You have to talk to them on the phone. Hello? Hang up the phone. Look, Antonia, I think
25:05you just need to understand that there are a lot of desperate people out there. And
25:11they need someone to talk to. You know, a voice in the darkness. Can you be that voice? It
25:19is possible. All right, well. All right, this is for real. Now, I'm going to be monitoring
25:28the call, but I think you can do it. So just really, really try. Anti-suicide hotline.
25:37My wife just left me a couple hours ago, and I've been drinking, and I think I might kill
25:43myself. Where do you live? Why? You know. Oh, I live at 5544 Nelson Drive. Just one minute.
25:58All right, but where are you going? 5544 Nelson Drive. Listen to me very carefully. Get
26:07out of your house. Now.
26:13You can't, this is the sound of happening. We see a bright future. Just be careful.
26:18Bill Lamar. Don't work with him. Get off Mad TV. Get off Mad TV. No!
26:25You are not watching Mad TV.
26:30May!
26:30And now back to the great American Spice Girl hunt. Well, here's our man of the hour,
26:38Darcy Webber from Alice Springs, Australia. Quite a day for you, eh, Darcy?
26:42You're damn straight. I bagged me portion ginger. They were down by the watering hole, right?
26:46Now, having themselves a little drink, little leaky lappy. Didn't hear me machete coming.
26:50A swinkie!
26:51On behalf of everyone at Bluagrum Records and the world at large, I thank you.
26:55Oh, I bet you made a fortune over this, all right? All right?
26:57Amen to that. That's right.
27:00Big congratulations to our sole survivors, Baby, Scary, and Sporty Spice, who've already
27:04signed a new record contract with me and are poised for a major comeback with the new CD,
27:09Survival of the Spiciest. And please join us on November 8th, when we'll have the Backstreet
27:14Boys mounted on car fenders in a very special demolition derby. Until then, good night and
27:20God bless America.
27:27Oh, oh, did you see that guy last night? He was all drunk and he was hitting his girlfriend
27:32and, like, everybody was screaming and crying?
27:35Yeah, yeah, I saw that. That was on, um, Rescue 911 and stuff.
27:38No, stupid, the nanny.
27:40Oh, okay, well, um, did you see cops last night?
27:43Oh, um, there was this, um, white dude and he was, um, trying to rob a place and stuff.
27:48And, like, um, his belly was, like, all hanging out and stuff.
27:52Oh, I saw that one. You know what? If it was me, I would have arrested him for being so flabby nasty.
27:56Oh, yeah.
27:57Excuse me. Can I get some help over here, please?
27:59Uno momento, por favor. Gone.
28:03Lady, I've been standing here for at least 20 minutes.
28:06Okay, it's only been 15 minutes, so stop exaggerating.
28:11God, some people are so rude.
28:12I know. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Like, yesterday, I was at the Jack in the Box with Eddie and that slut Louisa,
28:18she has the nerve to start coming on to him like I'm not even there.
28:21Don't even talk to me because at least you got a boyfriend for that skank to flirt with.
28:24I got snow buddies, okay?
28:26Well, tell you what, tomorrow, let's go and find Louisa and let's rip her face off.
28:30Lily, I can't. I got drama club.
28:32Give me your money.
28:33Oh, excuse me?
28:36What time is drama club?
28:37It's after school.
28:39Okay, well, what about after that, then?
28:40I can't because, um, there's a state.
28:42I said, give me your damn money.
28:43And I'll say, in a meet.
28:47Oh, my God.
28:49We'll be in rock.
28:50Woo!
28:51Yeah!
28:53Shh!
28:53Lily, Lily, Lily, look, there's a security camera.
28:56Maybe we could be on cops.
28:58Oh, oh, oh, let me get my lipstick.
28:59Oh, okay.
29:00Um, hi, my name is Lira Rosario and, um, I'm gonna be in, um, the high school production of, um,
29:08my fair lady and stuff, and, um, I'mma playin' Eliza Doolittle and stuff, and, um, but my hair's gonna be different.
29:15It's gonna be up and stuff.
29:16Hey, I'm not kidding.
29:17Just give me the money.
29:18Give me the damn money or something bad is gonna happen to you.
29:22Melina, look at him.
29:23He's all, like, shaking and nervous and stuff.
29:25I know, but stupid, don't laugh at him.
29:26Don't make the fun of him.
29:27Why don't you shut up?
29:28No, why don't you shut up?
29:28Why don't you shut up?
29:29Why don't you shut up?
29:30You know why she's making fun of you?
29:31Because I'm not scary and I'll see you.
29:32Now, look up.
29:34Now, you, you give me the money up, bro.
29:36Look, Melina, he gave you the money.
29:40You're so stupid.
29:41I'm trying to show you what to do.
29:43Oh, my God.
29:44Get around.
29:44But, Lily, Lily, uh-uh, uh-uh, because you was tough.
29:48You were scary.
29:49Yeah, you should be in drama club.
29:51No, I can't do that.
29:52No, no, no, no, no, no.
29:53She's right.
29:54You're actually pretty good.
29:55No, no, mister, you're gonna be okay.
29:57You just gotta learn to be, like, meaner and stuff.
29:59You know what?
30:00You should try it again.
30:00Yeah.
30:01Okay.
30:02Grief.
30:03Hi, this is Lita again, and, um, we're still being robbed and stuff, but you probably can't
30:11see him so good, so I'm gonna tell you what he looks like, and then, um, maybe I could
30:15be on, like, um, Unsolved Mysteries and stuff.
30:17Lita, Lita, Lita.
30:18My friend, Lita, she's, like, really cute.
30:20She's kind of stupid, but she's really cute, isn't she?
30:22Lita, shut up.
30:23What?
30:24You shut up.
30:24You shut up.
30:25No, you shut up, stupid, because he's trying to show you that he's getting Googles.
30:28Why?
30:29Freeze!
30:30Give me the damn money now!
30:31Oh, my God, that was good.
30:33That was so good.
30:33You're a good tutor.
30:35You know, you earned it.
30:36You take all of this.
30:37You were good.
30:38That was good.
30:38Thanks.
30:39You know, Melina, he is kind of cute.
30:42Oh, one thing.
30:43What do we do about that?
30:44Oh, you're so stupid.
30:46Don't you know that that's the first thing you're supposed to do to watch?
30:49Oh, my God, Melina, you're so stupid.
30:52Now we're not gonna be on cops.
30:54Shut up.
30:54You shut up.
30:55You shut up.
31:01Oh, my God, that's the first thing you're supposed to do to watch.
31:31You are now watching MADtv.
31:50I'll tell you, accounting can be a great career
31:57If I could only find my presentation
31:59You know, I mean, I know it's in here somewhere
32:01But I just, you know, if you would just bear with me, children
32:04Mr. Gladwell, why don't you just take a moment to get organized
32:07And we'll come back to you later
32:08That's fantastic, I'll be back, kids
32:10Okay
32:11All right, kids, we're going to hear more from Mr. Gladwell a little later on
32:16But in the meantime, I have a very special treat for you
32:19Recording artist and musician, Cervante
32:22Cervante, welcome to Career Day
32:28Yeah
32:29Please, begin
32:33All right, yo, yo, this Career Day, that's the bomb
32:37See, now my career is playing music, you know what I'm saying
32:41You know, I get the beats bumping
32:43And then once that's cracking, I just, like, drop the lyrics
32:45You know what I'm saying
32:46To, like, express, you know, all the kind of, like, expressions
32:48You know what I'm saying
32:49That I be coming out with, you know what I'm saying
32:51Yeah
32:53Um, why don't you just tell the class how you got your start
32:58Oh, I, well, me, myself, personally
33:01Um, I started in the church, you know, singing the gospel, the praises, all like that
33:06Um, and I think that my music reflects all that kind of, like, spirituality, you know what I'm saying
33:10Well, do you think you could play one of those songs for us?
33:13Sure
33:14Sure, that's what I do
33:15Girl, I hope you're ready
33:24Cause it's gonna get sweaty when I funk your groove
33:27Do it, do it, do it
33:31I'll get you on the floor
33:32We'll do it till we saw
33:33When I funk your groove
33:35Come on
33:36Do it, do it
33:37Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop
33:39Whoa, whoa, whoa, Savante, whoa
33:40Yo, what's up?
33:42Don't you think that that song was a little bit mature for this audience?
33:47Ah, yeah, yeah
33:48Some of the words are a little big, yeah
33:50You know what, why don't you just, uh, talk to the classroom for a bit
33:55All right, cool, you the teacher
33:57Thank you
33:57Uh-huh
33:59All right, kids, I know y'all sitting there and y'all looking up here at me and saying
34:02Yo, I could never be that live
34:04I mean, that's Savante
34:05Yeah, but I'm here to tell you, it ain't like that
34:08Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't know more than, like, seven, eight, you know
34:11Sitting in a classroom just like this one when I wrote my first song
34:14Wow, seven or eight
34:15Do you remember that song?
34:17Yeah, yeah, I think so
34:19Um, let me see, I think it was something like this
34:21Okay
34:22Spanking me, spanking you
34:24Feels so good to be back
34:27Spanking you, spanking me
34:30You're the best damn babysitter I ever had
34:34Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop
34:36Yeah, that's all I remember anyway
34:39Mr. Clydewell, are you ready to continue?
34:42Yes, I
34:43You will
34:45Savante
34:47I have to admit, I'm a little bit disappointed here
34:50Dang, woman, I was only seven, what you want?
34:54I'm afraid I'm gonna have to put my foot down and say no more songs from Savante
34:58Hold up, hold up, hold up
35:02There ain't no way to treat your teacher disrespecting her like that
35:07Look, I don't know exactly what it is she's talking about
35:12But I do know that this woman is looking out for y'all
35:15Thank you very much, that's very sweet of you
35:16Shoot, I mean, y'all think I got it going on?
35:19Huh
35:19Yo, man, she got all that
35:21Plus a fine-looking package to put it in
35:24Yes, well, uh
35:26With them fine-ass ladies
35:28Well, you know, I really don't know what to say
35:33Oh, baby, you ain't got to say nothing
35:35This right here about says it all
35:37I've got an apple
35:41For my favorite teacher
35:45And it's all you say in my pants
35:50She's squeezing me in my hands
35:53She's feeling you're not so fine
35:57So why don't you take the word?
36:05All right
36:12Kids, how about we take an early recess?
36:16Yeah!
36:17Yeah!
36:20And close the door
36:22All right
36:24Can I get some of that later?
36:27Get out!
36:35Tonight, the superstars of the Mexican Wrestling Federation Theater presents
36:52To Kill a Mockingbird
36:54This is the story of El Hombre Magnifico
36:57A lawyer who must fight the evil forces of hatred and bigots
37:02Featuring Senior Bag of Crap
37:05As the evil prosecuting attorney who is a bigot and a hated man
37:08Also starring El Diablo Negro
37:12As the innocent noble peasant
37:14Accused of taking advantage of a woman who lies
37:17The play begins
37:21You raped my client
37:23You raped my client
37:25You raped my client
37:29I raped no one
37:31This is a lie
37:32You people are liars
37:33But you are a black man, Jace
37:36This much is true
37:37He's a black man
37:39He admits it
37:40I am doomed
37:42Young Senior Bag of Crap
37:46Oh no
37:48Who will help me?
37:51I think that there is one man
37:52Who is brave enough in this world to fight for you
37:55I'm starring El Asso Aipo
37:57As the brave gringo lawyer
37:59At the speech
38:00It is too late
38:01I have already proved my case
38:05I will take your case
38:07And break it
38:08Like so
38:09With my knee
38:10All of you
38:11Close your ears
38:13To his talk
38:15Oh, they will listen
38:17And any who do not
38:18Had better be eager
38:19To have their backs broken
38:20Like so
38:21With my knee
38:22Listening to you, Jew
38:25Is like watching a snake talk
38:28And Jew speak with the mouth of Satan
38:31Had if Satan himself were here
38:32I would break his back
38:34Like so
38:34With my knee
38:35Vest the truth
38:37Vest the truth of Senior Bag of Crap
38:39You think you can face
38:41El Asso Aipo
38:42I who broke the back
38:43Of famous movie star
38:45Lou Diamond the Phillips
38:46Like so
38:47Who with my knee
38:48You are weak
38:50And a lover
38:51Of black men
38:52Hey
38:55I'm the abro negro
38:56And I
38:57Am El Asso Aipo
38:58This man is black
39:00It is true
39:01Yes
39:01But he is no raper
39:02I say that
39:03You are the raper
39:05And all like you
39:06Who sneak around
39:07In the bushes
39:08And when Jew
39:09See truth and justice
39:10Walking down the street
39:11Jew jump out
39:12And rape them
39:13What kind of a world
39:15Would you make
39:16With your hate
39:16You would make a world
39:18Where nuns talk like whores
39:19Where children
39:20Precious children
39:21Are shot into space
39:23Like dogs
39:24A world where good men
39:25Brick players
39:26And masons
39:27Would bow down
39:28To the power
39:29Of the almighty
39:29Talabone
39:30In the name of love
39:32I break your back
39:34Into pieces
39:35So small
39:36Even midgets
39:37Could not fix you
39:38So speaks
39:40Tell Asso Aipo
39:40To kill
39:42A mockingbird
39:43To kill
39:44A mockingbird
39:46Be here next week
39:52When the superstars
39:53Of the Mexican
39:53Wrestling Federation
39:54Theater present
39:55Grease
39:56To will be here
39:58Or I will break
39:59Your back
39:59And so
40:00Quit my knees
40:01This is what we do
40:07In between funny skits
40:09Now
40:09Fat and sugar
40:10It's what comedy is made of
40:11Funny
40:12May
40:13You want me
40:18You want me
40:23You know
40:33Tonight's show
40:34Was so good
40:35I almost feel like
40:37I did something wrong
40:38You know
40:38Like
40:38I should be punished
40:39Who wants to speak me
40:43I'm here to spank you
40:48I was kidding Chris
40:51Have a good night
40:53Thanks for watching
41:13Really there's nothing left to do
41:42But
41:42Hunt
41:43The Spice Girls
41:44Is
Recommended
41:47
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