- 8 minutes ago
Charlie and Lacey Shack Up
Lacey gets sentenced to house arrest and moves in with Charlie. After intentionally ruining two of Charlie's dates, Lacey reveals she's upset that Charlie never hit on her while she was there. Meanwhile, Sean plays wingman to help Michael get laid.
Lacey gets sentenced to house arrest and moves in with Charlie. After intentionally ruining two of Charlie's dates, Lacey reveals she's upset that Charlie never hit on her while she was there. Meanwhile, Sean plays wingman to help Michael get laid.
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01oh I agree the top is the best part I don't even know why they make the rest
00:06of the muffin because of this you need something to hold the donut okay I'm
00:15gonna make a professional assessment eating depression not getting laid it's
00:22been three months three months I didn't know it was possible to go that long
00:26like some kind of a sex camel well without the humps can't you meet any girls at work
00:36it's impossible to meet women when you're in real estate you know who comes to open houses
00:42couples you know who doesn't come to open houses drunk women with low self-esteem who can't find
00:47their cars that question would be who are my favorite people
00:55we're still going out tonight or what yes Michael is coming with us we got to get this guy laid
00:59you
01:00think I have that kind of money on me come on he's gone three months without sex okay you're not
01:07gonna
01:07bail on me though right dude why would I bail sorry I gotta bail come on I don't want to
01:16hang out with
01:17this guy by myself he's eating muffin sandwiches look at him that's not fair I'm in pain look I am
01:26sorry
01:26but I've been trying to hang out with this girl for months she's only in town for one night what
01:31is
01:31she a flight attendant a drifter she's an Oakland Raiders cheerleader so little of both hey guys you're late
01:43again you guys are on time again should learn by now Charlie Ed's picking on me make him stop this
01:50genius went to the DMV to file for unemployment they're both government agencies they're different
01:58things one is driving the other's money well shoes and makeup are two different things too but I can get
02:05them both at sex why can't everything be like sex I'm happy there I'm in the group but the group
02:12is
02:12not in me I'm in the group the group is not in me Patrick when I said to come up
02:19with a relaxing
02:20mantra I didn't mean to create one that insulted everyone simultaneously oh then maybe you need to
02:27be more clear anyway what happened after you assumed the government was a department store I went down
02:36there to get my unemployment and the DMV bitch said they only do car stuff and I said well I
02:42can't
02:42afford to drive my car unless I get my unemployment DMV bitch I only have one question who hit who
02:50first
02:51they're still looking at the tapes but you and I have to be in court at five you have to
02:56tell them
02:56that I'm working on my anger I can't go to court today can I just run them a note I
03:00already wrote
03:00one but you misspelled your name so they wouldn't accept it Charlie how could you forget how to spell
03:07your own name son I've known Cambodians with shrapnel in their heads who made more sense when they
03:15taught I get it Ed you've traveled and I haven't I'm in the group but the group is not in
03:23me I am in
03:24stop it all right I'll go to court I don't want you to go to jail well you didn't tell
03:30me you go to
03:30jail Charlie you have to get her out of this we have a cake tasting on Monday for our fake
03:34marriage
03:35the reception however is going to be very real this is great maybe if you go with me I get
03:42put
03:42under house arrest okay fine but we gotta make it fast I gotta pick up somebody from the airport
03:45who is it some girl you're trying to bang before she becomes too annoying to bang
03:51listen what kind of gentleman would I be if I answered yes to that so anybody else got something
03:57to talk about
04:05why are we starting shouldn't we be waiting a couple of minutes until my therapist gets here
04:09I like to clear my docket as soon as possible don't worry you won't miss any of the fun
04:15based on your record you're facing two weeks in jail two weeks can't go that long without waxing
04:22that's what you're crying about if you had seen my mom in a bikini in the 80s you'd be crying
04:27too
04:29can't you just put me under house arrest what and sent you to a party at your house
04:33forget it I wasn't talking about my house I was talking about uh my therapist's house if I went
04:40there it would be like a giant therapy session which is like punishment would he agree to this
04:46oh yeah yeah yeah we talked about it a lot and he was like let's do this and I was
04:53like are you sure
04:54and he was like yeah totally wow you got in early oh yeah just wait for me a baggage and
05:03I'll be on my
05:04way oh don't worry about that I got I got a full box of those in the drawer all right
05:10see you soon
05:13no I'm I'm sorry there was a patient she needs contact lens solution
05:21all right let's do this Mr. Goodson thank you for coming in before I decide on Lacey's case I would
05:27like to hear your take on how she's doing oh yeah she's doing great
05:31she pulled the weave off a DMV worker yes yes but before that and and and since then
05:38she's been doing great well I've determined that Lacey needs to have some consequences for her actions
05:44I understand you two discussed house arrest and you're on board with that absolutely
05:50you understand it's for two weeks perfect two months will be fine because he cares
05:58okay then just sign here you know I must say it's wonderful to see a therapist making a
06:05sacrifice like this for his patient no it's okay it was on the way to the airport
06:13so you two are roommates huh cool very cool okay I'm gonna take this
06:24what what do you uh what do you ladies like to do for fun oh I love hot yoga yesterday
06:28they had the
06:29room so hot everybody was down in their underwear every part of my body felt completely open
06:35how much is this class it's $20 and how much to watch okay
06:43what do you like to do for fun I collect stamps like hot stamps no they have to be kept
06:52at room
06:52temperature to preserve their value I learned that the hard way
06:58I'm gonna go use the little girls room oh I'll go with you don't you guys go anywhere okay
07:03and don't you do that thing that girls always do where you say you're going to the bathroom and
07:07actually leave don't do that
07:16good luck with the stamp collector buddy if she says anything interesting you can mail it to me tomorrow
07:21just so you know I'll be taking the hot yoga check okay no I'll be taking the hot yoga check
07:26oh really and why would you get the hot yoga check uh because we have certain obvious things in common
07:32I can't believe you're calling racial dibs yeah that's what I'm doing it's very unfair let me tell
07:38you about unfair how about 400 years of oppression that we are still feeling the effects of to this day
07:43huh what's a brother got to do to get another cranberry flirtini over here
07:50so wait a minute so you don't have any luggage no I left it all on the Panda Express Express
07:57there were so many different kinds of chicken I lost track of my bags
08:03well the good news is I have an extra toothbrush a hairbrush and you won't be needing those clothes
08:14damn if that's your clothes I'm gonna be really disappointed
08:23hi Charlie I'm here oh what the hell's going on I thought you were under house arrest
08:28I am under house arrest at your house wasn't that clear oh hey girl
08:34I hope the hell can cook because I'm starving
08:40does this ankle bracelet make my calves look fat was this your idea I did what I had to do
08:47they were
08:47gonna strip me down put me in an orange jumpsuit and feed me to the lesbians Charlie what's going
08:54on I'm sorry it's one of my patients Lacey and apparently she's moving in I'm super confused
09:00first all the different kinds of chicken and now this it's just been a crazy day not exactly a rocket
09:07surgeon is she scientist she's a scientist no way hey I'm a scientist on getting a crowd on
09:16their feet and into a game what are you have you seen this I don't have to be anything you
09:23know what
09:23I'm gonna call the cab and get a hotel it's just been too weird no no no no no please
09:28wait you
09:30better open the door for her Charlie she's gonna walk right into it yeah how glad are you that that
09:38bitch is gone it took me five months to get her here you get rid of her in five minutes
09:44I am that good that girl was really annoying it's like she didn't even want me around
09:53let's just forget about her I'll go get a bottle of wine and we can decide whether or not I
09:58should get bangs
09:59no you are gonna stay in your room for two weeks and think about how your anger has screwed up
10:04your
10:05life and mine and how it's never gonna happen again nah I'll go get the wine this is weird yes
10:14I feel
10:14like I'm 16 again you know me and my wingman hooking up with roommates at their apartment at 16 you
10:20hooked up
10:21with girls who had their own apartment I hate you why what happened you didn't have a good time with
10:29your smoking hot black yoga chick who's the same black color as you black guy who didn't even have sex
10:38that's what you get for calling racial dibs my friend you know never again according to her every
10:45single problem I have can be cured by yoga I can tell you what can't be cured by yoga blue
10:50balls
10:57what the heck is this excuse me who the hell are you this is funny pot
11:08did you see that there was a bee in his cupcake he's scared
11:14you know I did have a few beers last night did I order you no you're not lazy oh there's
11:20another bee
11:33what the hell's going on good morning sleepyhead I hope you're hungry I'm making sangria in here
11:39poaching eggs in this one but don't eat that it's wax Quan's gonna hook me up you don't need a
11:45treasure
11:45trail to find the treasure yeah everybody knows where that is Lacey this is not cool at all why
11:54such a grumpy face because I'm supposed to be on round one of awesome morning sets with Kiana instead
12:00I've got a I've got a nail salon and an East Indian disco breakfast joint I bet sangria and eggs
12:07would
12:07make it all better yes no okay then dance with the Indian girl
12:24put your pants on the party's over oh my god I've heard that a million times I just never said
12:30it
12:32why are you so mad I'm just trying to show you a little gratitude for letting me stay here excuse
12:38me
12:38for being a ray of freaking sunshine in the morning Patrick what the hell are you doing here don't
12:43look at my feet don't look at my feet don't look at my feet Juan usually comes to our place
12:48on Tuesdays
12:49look there's another bee and I'm not letting you stay here I'm stuck with you because that ankle
13:02bracelet my only option now is to push you 31 feet away from my house let the cops take it
13:07out during
13:07your escape attempt could you guys keep it down you're bringing a lot of negative energy into the spa
13:16okay why don't you go to work and when you come back we'll chill and watch a movie oh and
13:23pick up
13:23some wine because I dumped all your good stuff in the sangria no I think I think we should separate
13:28for a little bit I'm going out tonight and hopefully not coming back till tomorrow oh okay so begging
13:33another bimbo is gonna make everything all right you better pray that it does and they're not all bimbos
13:41sorry I have a very ticklish middle toe also what you said is ridiculous
13:47there we go so where were we human trafficking oh I'm sorry I keep going on and on it's just
13:55that
13:55I'm very passionate oh I I'm very passionate about stopping it too are you just agreeing with
14:01everything I'm saying so you can get me into the bed no see look I think that you were very
14:10cute
14:10and I wouldn't mind going home with you but I think you might be full of it I mean what
14:14have
14:14you actually done to make a difference what have I done I'll tell you what I've done I rescued a
14:21young woman who's living in my house right now you did she's a sweet kind innocent young lady she's
14:29doing some housekeeping for me while I put her through school you know maybe you haven't done
14:34enough to make a difference I think I should maybe leave no no wait look I'm sorry I'm sorry
14:42just I misjudged you ah it's okay why don't we continue this back at your place actually I was
14:51thinking we could go back to your place so I can meet her I don't know my place is a
14:56mess she's a
14:57terrible housekeeper I can't bring myself to criticize her come on Charlie afterwards we can go back to my
15:06place okay I'm really excited to meet her but just know it'll only be for a minute she needs to
15:15be in
15:15bed by 10 so she can have a solid eight hours of horrific nightmares what a tragedy he said he
15:27had
15:27vanilla fro-yo and when you went to get it it was all out okay take an ambient I gotta
15:36go
15:40hey what are you doing back here are you finally ready to hang out with me yes
15:45cool what do you want to do there is a gorgeous girl outside and the only way she'll sleep with
15:50me is you say you're a sex slave what the fro-yo I told her that you're a victim of
15:58human trafficking
15:59that I rescued you so all you gotta do is say good night in broken English and go upstairs you
16:05said
16:05you wanted to show me your gratitude right okay fine I'll do it thank you
16:13Jamie come on in
16:16Jamie this is Lacey Lacey this is Jamie
16:23I wanted you to meet before you went to bed the nice soft bed that you never had in that
16:28cage
16:30it is such a pleasure to meet you thanking you for meet me
16:40long hard life I tell you story
16:47no no no no no no no story you're very tired night night
16:53no I awake I took big nap
16:59Lacey there is nothing more important tonight than me hearing your story
17:04I can think of something
17:09oh hey there got ourselves another Obama Biden alert
17:15let's do this yeah hold on remember no matter what happens you are not allowed to call racial dips
17:24absolutely I'm confident that I can get the girl based on the merits of who I really am
17:29don't forget tonight I'm a record producer
17:34hi ladies I'm Sean this is my friend Michael ladies he's a record producer
17:41hi I'm Janet and this is my best friend Janelle
17:44hi boys why don't you sit down and join us
17:49racial dips
17:51you said we couldn't do that
17:53no I said that you couldn't do that
17:56and when I can I work in furniture factory
18:00I make sofa
18:02and when it hot day we share glass of water
18:08okay Lacey
18:08in two hours I think we covered it all
18:11important thing is I rescued you I'm your hero
18:13appear at the end time for bed
18:15Mr. Charlie gave me beautiful bed
18:18oh he is a good man isn't he
18:20I am I really am
18:24sometimes he tuck me in and hug me
18:27isn't that sweet
18:30yes I know it is
18:31come on sweetie come on
18:32sometimes he get on top of me
18:35and give me hug we no talk about
18:40if I said no he no give me food next day
18:44you're taking advantage of this girl
18:46okay Jamie here's the truth
18:50Lacey is not a sex slave
18:53she's my patient and I'm her therapist
18:56and she's not allowed to leave my house
18:58okay that didn't sound much better either did it
19:00wow
19:02okay all right you know I don't know
19:04what kind of role playing S&M therapy
19:07you guys have going on
19:08but you know what I'm out of here
19:09no no no Jamie wait wait wait
19:12wow
19:16I can't believe you want to date a girl who would sit through two hours of that crap
19:22why the hell did you do that
19:23okay calm down breathe use your tools
19:26all I'm gonna use my tools to bury your body in my backyard
19:30you can't just keep bringing home these ridiculous women who aren't right for you
19:34I've always done that
19:35why does it suddenly matter now
19:37because I'm living with you and you haven't even hit on me
19:41what the fro-yo
19:47Lacey I can't hit on you
19:49I'm your therapist
19:50that would be so wrong
19:51that didn't stop my old boss
19:53my gynecologist
19:54or my second cousin
19:56what if I wasn't your patient
19:58it doesn't matter
19:59look we both know you have issues because of your father
20:01and apparently your old boss
20:03gynecologist and second cousin
20:06but but but you've got to stop trying to make every man want you
20:09I don't want every man to want me
20:12I want you to want me
20:14why
20:15because you want everybody else
20:17I've seen the girls you date
20:20am I not as hot as them
20:21am am I stupider than them
20:24are you sure you've seen the girls I date
20:28Lacey you're great
20:29but you need to learn to get your self-esteem from something other than men
20:33but if I wasn't your patient
20:34and I was actually a good person
20:37would you want me
20:39no
20:40what if I had bigger boobs
20:41no
20:43what if we were stranded on a ship at sea
20:45with nothing to eat
20:47and I was a delicious piece of fruit
20:50no
20:51wait wait wait no
20:52I I I I need you so I wouldn't get scurvy
20:55but I wouldn't want you
20:57if I was that chick who just left that you wanted
21:02would you want me
21:05yes I guess I would
21:06ah I knew you wanted me
21:11God I'm your patient you perv
21:14g
21:15ah
21:15ah
21:15ah
21:15ah
21:16ah
21:16ah
21:16ah
21:19ah
21:20ah
21:21ah
Comments