- 2 days ago
Charlie Dates a Serial Killer's Sister
After his prison group therapy session, Charlie meets a hot woman named Wynona (LeAnn Rimes), who is on the way in to visit her brother. After they have been sleeping together for two weeks, he finds out she is Wayne's sister and worries that she may have inherited the same tendencies as her brother. Meanwhile, Patrick learns that Nolan refused a date with an interested waitress because Lacey puts on a show for him every night from her bedroom window.
After his prison group therapy session, Charlie meets a hot woman named Wynona (LeAnn Rimes), who is on the way in to visit her brother. After they have been sleeping together for two weeks, he finds out she is Wayne's sister and worries that she may have inherited the same tendencies as her brother. Meanwhile, Patrick learns that Nolan refused a date with an interested waitress because Lacey puts on a show for him every night from her bedroom window.
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00:00So the Vietnamese carjacker that used to do my nails just got out, and now I don't have anyone to
00:04do my pedicure.
00:06I'm so sorry. I hope the guy that you're waxing isn't here for life.
00:13Wayne, anything you want to talk about?
00:15Nope, I'm good.
00:18You've been staring at the wall for the last 40 minutes. You want to turn your chair around and join
00:22the group?
00:23No, thank you. If I look anybody in the face, I'll just want to bite their eyes out.
00:28Oh, come on, Wayne. I'd like to think that you and I have developed a bond of mutual trust.
00:38The problem is they want to add another 18 months to my sentence.
00:41So instead of being here until 2144, I guess you'll be stuck here until September 2145?
00:52It's not funny. I'm going to miss another beach season, Charlie.
00:58So why did they change your release date?
01:00Well, they reclassified one of my murders as a hate crime because the victim was half Cherokee.
01:05I'd never kill a man because of the color of his skin.
01:07That's true, Wayne.
01:08According to your file,
01:12that is about the only reason you haven't killed.
01:17We're all the same on the inside.
01:20At least from what I've seen.
01:35Excuse me, miss, do you have any piercings down there?
01:37Hey, hey, Bruce.
01:38How about phrasing that a little less personal?
01:40Like, excuse me, miss, do you have a chandelier in your foyer?
01:45That's very sweet, but these are just my earrings.
01:47Okay, miss, right through that door?
01:51They kind of jumped to conclusions, didn't they?
01:52I know, but he was right.
01:56These are decoys.
01:59You have my complete attention.
02:03Charlie.
02:04Winona.
02:05Look, I wish I could talk, but I'm here visiting my brother Scooter.
02:08Ah, that's too bad.
02:10Should I see if you want to grab a cup of coffee?
02:13You know, sure, Scooter's not going anywhere.
02:16He tried that once, but they caught him.
02:20I need to warn you, though,
02:21the coffee shop's not nearly as exciting as this place.
02:23There's no one there patting you down or checking for piercings.
02:26Unless I really knocked this coffee thing out of the park.
02:33You know, Winona.
02:35We've been sleeping together for a couple weeks now.
02:38I think it's about time we went and got that coffee.
02:45Thanks for coming out with me, Patrick.
02:47I've been feeling kind of lonely lately.
02:49I'm between relationships myself,
02:51but I tend to eat away my depression.
02:55That's why I've never been six-pack abs gay.
02:57I'm more Mini Cooper sweater vest gay.
03:01Hey, Nolan.
03:02Can I get you guys a couple beers?
03:04Oh, thanks, Taylor.
03:05By the way, did you ask?
03:08Yeah, but my boss says he's not going to put pizza rolls on the menu.
03:11But if you want pizza rolls,
03:13you can always come to my place tomorrow night.
03:15I have a microwave.
03:16And a jacuzzi.
03:17I can't make it.
03:19But I definitely use the microwave to cook the pizza rolls.
03:22The jacuzzis just make them all soggy.
03:25Sure, I'll get you guys those beers.
03:29You nuts!
03:30You just said you're lonely,
03:32and she was blatantly hitting on you.
03:35Actually, uh, I have plans with Lacey tomorrow night.
03:38She's going to be getting undressed by her window,
03:40and I'm going to be in my car watching.
03:43That's not plans with Lacey.
03:44That's a misdemeanor.
03:47It's not like she doesn't know I'm out there.
03:49It's an unspoken game we've been playing for months.
03:52You're delusional.
03:53Come and see for yourself.
03:55I will, but only to prove to you
03:56that you're living in a fantasy world,
03:58and you just passed up a real opportunity
04:01with a great girl like Daley
04:03for some bizarre stoner version of rear window.
04:10Ernesto, you seem upset.
04:12Anything you want to talk about?
04:13I told Wayne to quit looking at me.
04:15He said he's going to eat my eyes out.
04:18He's not going to eat your eyes out.
04:20Wayne, tell Ernesto you're not going to eat his eyes out.
04:22I'm going to eat his eyes out.
04:25Oh, Wayne, we know that's an empty threat.
04:28Last time you attacked a guy,
04:30you only plucked out one eye,
04:31and you couldn't even finish that.
04:34Then why are you so mad at Ernesto?
04:35My baby sister came to see me the other day,
04:38and this unworthy son-of-a-bitch
04:40started hitting on her.
04:41I see, and then how did that make you feel?
04:43I was angry.
04:45But she was all,
04:46it's okay, Scooter.
04:49Don't hurt him, Scooter.
04:50Let him live, Scooter.
04:57Scooter?
05:00That's what she calls me.
05:02When I was little,
05:02I beat up a kid and took his nickname.
05:05And just for the sake of conversation,
05:08did your sister have a name?
05:11Wynonna.
05:14If I find out any of you even looked at her,
05:17I'll stab you in the heart with a fork.
05:21Well, the important thing is
05:23that Wayne has a sister
05:24that he cares very much about,
05:26and no one here has even seen her
05:28or talked to her.
05:30Temp Ernesto.
05:37Hey there.
05:38Hey, buddy.
05:39What's going on?
05:41Well, I finally got the window fixed on my car.
05:43They named a sandwich after me
05:45at the little cafeteria
05:45downstairs from my office.
05:47Oh, and I'm dating a serial killer's sister.
05:50Oh, my God.
05:51How the hell did that happen?
05:52I go in there
05:53and I order the same thing every day,
05:54turkey and avocado.
05:55No, no, no.
05:56I mean the serial killer thing.
05:57I know.
05:58I'm still trying to figure out what to do.
06:00I met her at the prison.
06:01I had no idea who she was,
06:02and now I'm convinced
06:04her brother's going to kill me.
06:05How's he going to kill you?
06:06He's locked up.
06:07Of course.
06:08You're right.
06:09Now she's going to kill you.
06:11Your girlfriend was spawned
06:12from the same horrific genetic pool
06:15that her brother was.
06:16I know, I know.
06:17There's all this research
06:17about if one sibling
06:18has sociopathic tendencies,
06:20odds are the other one will too.
06:21Break up with this girl, man.
06:23Break up with her now.
06:24I'm a black man yelling
06:26at the movie screen of your life.
06:29Don't go in the basement.
06:32And I'm the white guy
06:32sitting in front of you
06:33who wants to say be quiet,
06:34but I'm afraid.
06:38Don't you even feel
06:40the least bit creepy
06:41sitting here
06:42waiting to peek
06:43at someone through their window?
06:44It's not creepy.
06:45It's like we're on a date.
06:47This is all in your head, Nolan.
06:50No, it's not.
06:51Look through your binoculars.
06:54Five, four, three, two, three.
06:59Told you.
06:59So what?
07:00So she opened up her blinds.
07:02Keep watching.
07:03So what?
07:04So she opened up her robe.
07:05Keep watching.
07:07Okay, so she's got a feather duster.
07:11I'll admit that's odd.
07:12Keep watching.
07:19I can't believe she's doing this on purpose.
07:22I am calling her.
07:35Hey, Patrick.
07:37I'm in the middle of a date right now.
07:38Can I call you back?
07:39A date?
07:41Anyone I know?
07:42Just some hot guy.
07:43Probably a basketball player or something.
07:46Really?
07:47Where'd he take you?
07:48Nowhere.
07:49Just a swanky new club.
07:51That's funny.
07:52I don't hear anything in the background.
07:53Oh, well, yeah.
07:55That's because it's this hot new place called silence.
07:59No one's allowed to talk.
08:01Everybody's looking at me.
08:02I gotta go.
08:05Well.
08:07Okay, you're right.
08:08But what does it tell you that she's embarrassed, ashamed,
08:12and doesn't want to admit it's even happening?
08:14That she's in a relationship with me.
08:26Isn't this place great?
08:28Yeah, I mean, it's the middle of nowhere.
08:30How did you find it?
08:31Oh, this guy I used to date when I first moved to L.A. brought me here.
08:35I love this spot, but he turned out to be a real ass clown.
08:39Some of you should know about me.
08:40Ever since I was a kid, I've been terrified of ass clowns.
08:45Yeah, I try to avoid the ass circus altogether.
08:52Oh, damn it.
08:53I hate the trunk latch.
08:54You know what?
08:55Let's just leave it.
08:56Nah, somebody might think we need help.
08:59But we know what we're doing, don't we?
09:11Is everything okay?
09:13Yeah.
09:14Yeah, it's fine.
09:17Are you sure?
09:18You really shouldn't keep a bottle of bleach in the trunk.
09:21It could spill.
09:22But that's probably why you have the shower curtain in there, to protect everything.
09:28Like the roll of duct tape that's there for apparently no reason at all.
09:35Also, why do you have an axe?
09:38Yeah, I really wish you wouldn't have seen that.
09:39Me too.
09:40I mean, why?
09:42Because I'm a slob.
09:44Yeah, all that stuff is in there from fixing up my bathroom.
09:46And the axe is from last Christmas when I cut down my own tree and just left it there
09:50like the lazy buns.
09:52Where does one cut down their own tree in Los Angeles?
09:56There's fair trees all around.
09:57I mean, look, over there.
09:59There's one right behind you.
10:01It's okay.
10:02I believe you.
10:06What's with the private session, Charlie?
10:09Well, Wayne, you are making so much progress that I thought we'd try a new exercise.
10:15I'm going to present some hypothetical anger triggers and you're going to tell me how you
10:18might respond.
10:19It's tough to say, but I guess I'd take a ballpoint pen and try to punch a hole in your
10:24windpipe.
10:27We haven't started yet.
10:29Oh.
10:32Okay, okay, first hypothetical.
10:35I noticed that you had a visceral reaction to the idea of Ernesto dating your sister.
10:40Is this something that you feel with any guy that tries to date your sister?
10:46Is this about you and my sister?
10:48What?
10:49Yeah.
10:49We talk.
10:51What did she tell you?
10:52Everything.
10:54Oh.
10:57Welcome to the family, Charlie.
10:59I look forward to being photoshopped and all your family pictures.
11:03Look at us.
11:04We're practically kinfolk.
11:07Wait, I'm wondering.
11:09Do you and your sister share any unusual personality traits that might be viewed as
11:15outside the social norm?
11:16Well, we both have perfect pitch.
11:21Hmm.
11:23D sharp.
11:25Sometimes siblings share certain traits like, you know, perfect pitch.
11:31Killing people.
11:34I get what you're saying, Charlie.
11:36Don't worry.
11:36She was adopted.
11:38Wow.
11:39I gotta be honest.
11:40I'm really relieved.
11:42Trying to think that maybe she was, you know...
11:44Gonna kill you?
11:45Yeah, with an axe.
11:47I found one in the trunk of her car.
11:49Oh, no.
11:51She's back to that.
11:52Back to...
11:53Cutting down her old Christmas trees?
11:55That's an industry, Charlie.
11:57She should be buying that from a reputable ex-con in a dirt lot behind a tire store.
12:02She was using it for a Christmas tree.
12:05Hmm.
12:06They're D sharp again.
12:08I'll be up here.
12:09Hmm.
12:10You meet me down there.
12:12Hmm.
12:13Hmm.
12:15Hmm.
12:15Hmm.
12:18Anyway, I've been ashamed of what happened my whole life.
12:22Ed, this is a safe place.
12:24I promise you, no matter what you say, nobody here will judge you.
12:28Because judgment makes us small, Patrick and Lacey.
12:34Okay.
12:37I was born different.
12:40When I was ten years old, I had to have
12:44one of my nuts removed.
12:49When the kids at school found out about it,
12:52they threw acorns at me and yelled,
12:54Here!
12:55We found your nut!
13:02I'm so sorry.
13:04I thought you were done.
13:06And I apologize.
13:07It must be difficult only having one testicle.
13:11Oh, no.
13:11No, I have two.
13:13Oh.
13:18I must stop talking now.
13:22Okay, we'll talk about the damage that did to you next time.
13:26See everybody next Thursday.
13:30Oh, hey, Nolan.
13:31I'm going to go to the Merry Peasant tomorrow night.
13:33Do you want to join me?
13:34I bet that waitress who likes you will be there.
13:37Cool.
13:37I'll meet you there at eight.
13:39Does anyone know when this heat wave is going to end?
13:42I heard it's going to be even hotter tomorrow night.
13:45I think I'm going to have to start sleeping in a wet t-shirt.
13:51Sorry, I can't make it tomorrow.
13:53Family emergency.
13:54My aunt is...
13:57fine.
13:58It was totally unexpected.
14:03You are despicable.
14:05What?
14:06I was with Nolan last night.
14:08You were?
14:09What'd you say?
14:10Everything.
14:11I am trying to get him a social life.
14:13And you're keeping him from having a real relationship.
14:15If you cared about him at all, you will stop jerking him around.
14:19Or start.
14:21Oh, come on.
14:21It's no big deal.
14:22Like you've never danced in a window for a guy.
14:25This is not about me.
14:27Hmm.
14:31How about I get us a couple of beers?
14:33Sounds great.
14:35So, wait a minute.
14:35Wait a minute.
14:37Where did you learn all that?
14:38After high school, all the girls in the graduating class went to France.
14:41And I stayed home and banged their boyfriends.
14:46Cool.
14:51You going to borrow your robe?
14:53I'm going to take a shower.
14:54I left all my clothes downstairs.
14:55Oh, yeah?
14:56No problem.
15:04Huh.
15:12What happened?
15:13Oh, nothing.
15:14Nothing.
15:15It's just a noise I make when I'm really happy.
15:17Oh!
15:17Oh!
15:19You looked in the closet, didn't you?
15:21Animal skulls?
15:22Who said anything about animal skulls?
15:25Charlie, they're just roadkill heads.
15:28J-J-J-Just roadkill heads?
15:30Yeah.
15:31It's a hobby of mine.
15:33Huh.
15:35Yeah.
15:36If I see little animals on the side of the road, I skin them and boil them and display their
15:40heads.
15:42Oh, good.
15:42Good.
15:43I was afraid it might be something weird.
15:47Wow.
15:48You're really freaked out, aren't you?
15:50Oh, it's because my brother's a serial killer.
15:53That shouldn't matter because he's not even your real brother.
15:56You were adopted, right?
15:57Kinda.
15:58I mean, I was adopted away from the family.
16:01I'm sorry, what?
16:02Oh, yeah.
16:03Apparently, I was a handful.
16:05Oh, yeah.
16:06Mom and Dad were always worried about Wayne's safety.
16:09So they sent me away.
16:14Wayne, Wayne, you told me she was adopted.
16:16You made me think she wasn't your real sister.
16:18Charlie, my family crest features a trans-am, a broken lawnmower, and a dead guy looking for his trans-am.
16:27We are not the Vanderbilts.
16:30You cannot trick me into liking her.
16:32Sorry about that.
16:34I care about her a lot, Charlie.
16:36I wanted her to have a chance at a relationship with a nice guy.
16:38Yeah, but she's crazy.
16:40She has a necklace made of kitten teeth.
16:43I've seen them.
16:44They go with everything.
16:45You know what?
16:46I'm sorry.
16:46I can't do this.
16:48I have to break up with her.
16:49I'm just scared that she's gonna put my boiled head on a shelf.
16:54You got any ideas?
16:55I don't know.
16:57She tends to react pretty badly when a fella breaks up with her.
17:00Then why don't you take the heat off of me?
17:01You tell her it was your idea.
17:03She does look up to me as kind of an urbane man of the world.
17:07I've been to six different county lockups, numerous small-town pokies, and a Mexican prison.
17:13That might have just been a really dirty motel.
17:18I don't understand.
17:19She's 15 minutes late.
17:21She's never been late before.
17:24Maybe she finally realized that she's been holding you back.
17:28Come on.
17:29Let's go to the bar.
17:31Daly will be there?
17:31What if she needs help?
17:33Maybe she's hurt.
17:34Maybe when she went to open up the blinds, she got distracted by her shadow, accidentally wrapped the cord around
17:40her neck, and almost hung herself.
17:43That happened to you, didn't it?
17:45Maybe when I was a kid.
17:47And last week.
17:50Nolan, you can do better.
17:53This is a very low bar.
17:57Let's go.
18:25It's not just that she had all these creepy little rodent skulls.
18:28It was that she named them after famous killers.
18:31Two of my favorites being Lizard Borden and James Squirrel Ray.
18:37So, what'd you do?
18:38Did you grow a pair and break up with her?
18:40No, no, no.
18:42I asked Wayne to talk to her for me.
18:45Interesting choice.
18:47When it comes to affairs of the heart, no one can match the delicate touch of a serial killer.
18:54Charlie.
18:55No, no.
18:58How's it going?
19:00Not good.
19:01Who's your friend?
19:02Detective Mike Bowman, LAPD.
19:05And my mom knows I'm here.
19:08Look, Charlie, I just finished talking to my brother, and he said he's going to have us both killed if
19:12we keep seeing each other.
19:13Oh, my God.
19:13No, that's terrible.
19:15Well, he does have friends on the outside, so we have no choice but to never see each other again.
19:18Take care.
19:18No, no, no, no, no.
19:19Don't be afraid of Wayne.
19:20I mean, you're his therapist.
19:22You can change his mind.
19:23This is really hard for me to admit, but I am a terrible therapist.
19:32It's true.
19:32He's worthless.
19:35Thank you, Michael.
19:36I've known him for a long time.
19:37I've seen his work.
19:38There's lab rats with more insight into human psychology.
19:41So there's nothing you can do?
19:43One of his patients actually died from banging his head into a brick wall out of frustration.
19:48Thank you, Detective.
19:50She gets it.
19:52I'm sorry, Winona.
19:55I wish there was another way, but there's not.
19:59And I don't want to risk your safety, so you should go.
20:05I'm sorry.
20:07I have to walk away now.
20:11Mostly because all I have is a little blue spatula.
20:18Doesn't matter now.
20:20Nothing matters now.
20:29I want you to have this.
20:33His name is Ted Bunny.
20:36Oh, like Ted Bundy.
20:39He's cute.
20:43Goodbye, Charlie.
20:45Bye, Winona.
20:48Remember, I'm traveling down the highway and I see some roadkill.
20:54I'll think of you.
21:03A spatula?
21:08Yes.
21:09A spatula.
21:13A spatula.
21:14Bye.
21:14Bye.
21:15Bye.
21:18Bye.
21:20on.
21:27I'll see you next time.
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