- 1 day ago
Charlie Breaks Up With Kate
Sean (Brian Austin Green), Jennifer's ne'er-do-well ex-boyfriend [Season 1, Episode 1], is back in her life. Much to Charlie's irritation, Sam starts to bond with Sean, even taking her first driving lesson with him. Charlie gets annoyed that his therapy group members are not supporting each other, so for their next session he has them report to a soup kitchen to help the homeless. Charlie is finding it difficult to go along with his and Kate's new "just friends" status, but when he announces that he wants a complete break-up, she has some news which makes him reconsider.
Sean (Brian Austin Green), Jennifer's ne'er-do-well ex-boyfriend [Season 1, Episode 1], is back in her life. Much to Charlie's irritation, Sam starts to bond with Sean, even taking her first driving lesson with him. Charlie gets annoyed that his therapy group members are not supporting each other, so for their next session he has them report to a soup kitchen to help the homeless. Charlie is finding it difficult to go along with his and Kate's new "just friends" status, but when he announces that he wants a complete break-up, she has some news which makes him reconsider.
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00:00So this morning, I looked in the mirror and I realized, I don't have a job, a girlfriend, or any
00:07money in the bank.
00:08If I'm not careful, I could become a failure.
00:13Uh, become?
00:16Lacey, Nolan's being vulnerable. At least you can do is stop texting while you insult him.
00:20I'm sorry.
00:21Uh, become?
00:24Come on, guys. This is a support group. Would anyone care to support Nolan?
00:28Yeah, I'll jump in there. Nolan, I support you 110%. If you believe you can be a complete failure, I
00:37say go for it.
00:40Thank you, Ed.
00:42All right, all right. Enough with this dogpile of support. Just because you don't have everything you want doesn't mean
00:46you're a failure.
00:47Oh, my God. It so does.
00:50No, no. It just means you have to try harder. Look at me. I have submitted half a dozen research
00:55papers hoping to get a government grant, and so far, nothing.
00:58Do I dwell on it? Do I, do I wish bad things on the winners? Sometimes.
01:04But I don't consider myself a failure.
01:06Really? What are you waiting for?
01:10If people have lost perspective, you may not have what you want, but you have what you need.
01:15Yeah, easy for you to say.
01:16I'm a man in my late 20s, and I have yet to summer on Martha's Vineyard.
01:21And yet you hide your pain for minutes at a time.
01:25Is you still on community service for your probation?
01:27I have, like, 300 hours left, but I figure I can knock it out in a weekend.
01:31There's a soup kitchen that Sam and I help out on the holidays.
01:34I want you all to spend a couple of days there before our next session.
01:36Ma'am.
01:37I can't. I'm busy this weekend.
01:38I have a class in making up better excuses on the fly.
01:45I'll count it as a full session on your records.
01:48Trust me, it'll be very fulfilling.
01:50See you all next Tuesday.
01:54Are you going with us, Charlie?
01:55No, I gotta go back through those research grants and figure out what the hell I'm doing wrong.
01:58I feel like such a...
01:59Failure?
02:00No.
02:01Person of little success.
02:02Closer.
02:04Closer.
02:11You know, they sell those in stores.
02:13Yeah, I mean, you see how much they cost?
02:14It's outrageous.
02:15Yours are much more affordable.
02:18Hey, what do you say?
02:19You and I go see the roller derby tonight.
02:21Roller derby?
02:22Sure, then we can swing by Al's Diner and hang out with Ralph Malph and Patsy.
02:26Turkey's back, Charles.
02:28It's better than ever.
02:29What more could you ask for, then?
02:31Six-foot-tall ladies with missing teeth elbowing each other into your lap.
02:36I don't know.
02:37Teeth?
02:39What else have you got to do?
02:41You're not hooking up with Kate anymore.
02:42Yeah, we're still friends.
02:43I was thinking of picking up some Chinese and heading over to her place and seeing what happens.
02:47Dude, you had a fight.
02:49She got mad.
02:49She cut off the sex to make a point.
02:51If you leave her alone, she'll come back.
02:53You know, women.
02:55I mean, I don't, but you do.
02:58You know what?
02:58You're right.
02:59I'm gonna let her come to me.
03:01So, roller derby tonight?
03:03Yeah, no.
03:05All right.
03:06You change your mind.
03:07Meet me there.
03:08How about I find you?
03:10I'll be the black guy at roller derby.
03:14Coming!
03:17Hey, Jen.
03:18What are you doing here?
03:19I think I'm here to pick up our daughter.
03:21But if you'd like to keep her, I'll consider her a buyout.
03:23All right.
03:24She'll be back in a minute.
03:26But this is good.
03:28I have a story to tell you you're gonna love.
03:30Do you remember that guy, Sean, I was going out with?
03:34The bozo told Sam that college was a waste of time?
03:37Right.
03:37That guy.
03:38But you guys had some fun times, right?
03:40I tried to hit him with a lamp.
03:43Good times.
03:44Well, I have some great news.
03:47He's dead?
03:50We're back together again.
03:52Isn't that crazy?
03:53How crazy is that?
03:54That is crazy.
03:56You're back together with the dead guy.
03:58Charlie, he's different now.
03:59He lost the two Ferraris, the nightclub.
04:02He's so arrogant.
04:03No, he's not anymore.
04:04He's super humble.
04:06You see?
04:06You see, that's how arrogant he is.
04:08He can't just be humble.
04:08He's got to be super humble.
04:12Ah, Charlie.
04:13I wasn't expecting to see you here today.
04:15Oh, my God.
04:15Zombie attack.
04:18Yeah, I don't know what that means.
04:21Okay, Sean, good to see you.
04:22Yeah, good to see you also.
04:24Hey, Dad.
04:25Hey, Sam.
04:26So, Sean's taking Sam to run errands now?
04:28No.
04:29I took him.
04:31He let me drive.
04:32You what?
04:33He gave me my first driving lesson.
04:35She did so good.
04:36You know, she reminds me of,
04:37who's that woman, the race car driver?
04:39With the brown hair.
04:40With the brown hair.
04:41She did the commercials for the thing.
04:42Yeah, all those.
04:42She was trying to sell, I think.
04:44It was like a Dana, is it?
04:46What do you mean?
04:46No, it's not.
04:47It's like Danny.
04:48Danica Patrick!
04:52She's very pretty.
04:56I'm going to go start dinner
04:57because that's in the other room.
04:58And, uh, I'll help.
05:00Please.
05:03That guy took my daughter
05:05on her first driving list
05:06and he's going down.
05:07Pick a lamp.
05:08I had no idea Sean was going to do that.
05:11Please don't make more of this than it is.
05:14Hey, Dad, can I stay here tonight?
05:15Sean's going to teach me
05:16how to make homemade ravioli.
05:18Sure, sweetie.
05:23Her first ravioli.
05:27Where is my pizza?
05:29Whatever happened to your
05:2930 minutes or less policy?
05:32It ended 20 years ago?
05:33Well, screw that noise.
05:36I'm sorry.
05:38I'm going through a lot of stuff right now
05:39with my girlfriend and my kid.
05:41My ex is dating a douchebag.
05:43Why am I telling you this?
05:45Just get my pizza here.
05:49Finally.
05:55You're not the pizza.
05:56You're a woman.
05:59Why didn't you answer your phone?
06:00I've been trying to call.
06:01I'm juggling a lot of things right now.
06:03I'm ordering a pizza and I'm...
06:05That's about it.
06:08So I talked to Jen today
06:09and she told me all about that Sean thing.
06:11That sucks.
06:12So I thought maybe you'd want me to come over
06:13and hang out with you.
06:15You did?
06:17Why?
06:17Because I'm your friend
06:18and I was concerned.
06:21My friend?
06:23Come here, buddy.
06:24Hey, Charlie.
06:25What are you doing?
06:26Oh, please.
06:28I stayed away, you cooled off
06:29and now you're here for a classic booty call.
06:31Don't deny it.
06:32You got here faster than the pizza.
06:34Okay.
06:35This was a bad idea.
06:36Good night.
06:36I'll see you in session tomorrow.
06:37Or we can talk about it in bed right now
06:40because isn't that why you're really here?
06:43No, it isn't.
06:45I'm sorry.
06:46I must have misread things.
06:49Or did I?
06:52Good night.
06:57Oh, look.
06:58The pizza guy's here.
06:59He obviously wants to have sex with you
07:00because he showed up, too.
07:07Oh, my God.
07:08This is horrible.
07:09I can't believe I agreed to do this.
07:11I can't believe you're going to eat this.
07:14I'm so mad.
07:15This is a soup kitchen.
07:16How is those a restaurant?
07:18I've eaten here like five times.
07:21So sad.
07:22I mean, you look in these people's eyes
07:23and you can tell.
07:24Most of them have never had bottle service
07:26in the VIP room.
07:29Sir, you're on the wrong side of the counter.
07:31If you'll come over here,
07:32you'll get yourself a hot meal
07:34and some new clothes.
07:35What are you doing?
07:36Yes and not much?
07:36I'm not homeless.
07:38He's very proud.
07:39I think you should hose him down
07:40and don't take no for an answer.
07:43Let's go, sir.
07:45What in the hell
07:45makes you think I'm homeless?
07:47How long have you been wearing that shirt?
07:50I don't know.
07:51Maybe a week?
07:53I see.
07:55Would you prefer rice or potatoes?
08:00All right, hell with it.
08:01Give me the spud.
08:04God bless you, sir.
08:08When you look around,
08:09it really makes you think.
08:11There, but for the grace of God,
08:13go I.
08:14Not I.
08:15I chose to save my money
08:16so I could go to design school
08:18and become a fashion designer.
08:19These people,
08:20aside from the occasional lunatic,
08:22made very poor choices in life.
08:24So, uh,
08:26you're going to design school, huh?
08:27Yeah.
08:28Yeah, I went to design school, too.
08:29Can I have a piece of chicken?
08:31Well,
08:32not everybody makes it.
08:33Yeah.
08:34I did.
08:35Yeah.
08:36I spent six years
08:37working for Hilfiger
08:38in his West Coast design shop.
08:40Then, uh,
08:41then I did accessories
08:42for Ralph Lauren.
08:43You did?
08:44Crazy world, huh?
08:46Hey, uh,
08:47can you make sure
08:47the bread is soft
08:48because my teeth hurt?
08:49I've missed my last
08:50152 dental appointments.
08:56Can a homeless man
08:57get a dessert?
08:58They're letting me
08:58in the shoe room
08:59in five minutes.
09:05Dude.
09:08You have any protein powder?
09:09Why are you screaming at me?
09:11I brought home
09:12a roller derby girl
09:13last night
09:13and she needs protein powder.
09:15You brought home
09:16a roller derby girl?
09:18I told her
09:18I have a smooth driveway.
09:21Nice.
09:23I don't have
09:23any protein powder.
09:26Here's some pancake mix,
09:28blend in some ice cream.
09:29She won't know
09:29the difference.
09:30Thanks.
09:31You know,
09:32I could, uh,
09:33set you up
09:33with one of her
09:34giant friends.
09:36Unless Kate
09:36came crawling back to you.
09:38No,
09:38I, I, I,
09:39I thought she did
09:40and I might have
09:41messed up her friendship.
09:42Maybe that's
09:43for the best, man.
09:44That situation
09:44with you and Kate
09:45was no good.
09:46You really believe that?
09:47Nah,
09:48you had sex on demand
09:49with a crazy hot biddy
09:50who was into the weird.
09:52Sometimes there's
09:53no silver lining, Charlie.
09:55Charlie,
09:56we need to talk.
09:57Hey, Michael.
09:58Hey, Jan.
09:58I'm out.
10:01I'm off to
10:01buy my lady
10:02some knee pads.
10:04It's not what
10:05you think it's for.
10:06And also it is.
10:09Charlie,
10:11Sean's really sorry
10:12and he wants
10:13to take you out
10:14for a drink.
10:15I want to bring Sam along
10:16so we can buy her
10:16our first beer.
10:18He hasn't done that yet.
10:19Has he?
10:21Look,
10:22he made a mistake.
10:23He doesn't have kids
10:24so he doesn't know better.
10:26I wish he had kids.
10:27I'd take them to Disneyland
10:28for the first time.
10:29One of the first rides.
10:31Stand in those long lines.
10:33Buy them overpriced food
10:34and I've got to find
10:36someplace else
10:36to take these
10:37imaginary kids.
10:38Charlie,
10:39I like him
10:40and I don't want
10:41there to be tension
10:41between you two.
10:42Please.
10:43Fine.
10:44I'll go what he's buying.
10:46No, no.
10:46You're doing me a favor
10:48so I'm taking care
10:49of this one.
10:50Wait a minute.
10:51He's the one who screwed up.
10:52He should be paying
10:52for the drinks.
10:53Are you telling me
10:54you can't even afford that?
10:55I'm not telling you anything.
10:57But it's true.
10:58Yes.
11:04Here's 50.
11:05Wow.
11:05I'm Diamond Jim.
11:07You cashed my alimony check?
11:08Just came back from the bank.
11:09Let the good times roll.
11:11Here's another 10.
11:12Buy yourself something pretty.
11:17Jim probably talked to you
11:19about it already
11:19but I'm really sorry
11:20about the whole Sam
11:21driving thing.
11:22What can I say?
11:23I'm a dick.
11:25Finally,
11:26something I can agree on.
11:27I don't know anything
11:28about kids.
11:29My parents were terrible,
11:31terrible role models.
11:32You know,
11:32taught me how to drive.
11:33my sister's
11:34alcoholic mother's husband.
11:37Wouldn't that be your father?
11:39Yeah.
11:39He sucked so bad
11:40we took away his title.
11:45Yeah,
11:45my dad was a real
11:46piece of work too.
11:47First time I ever drove
11:48was take him to the store
11:49so he could buy a belt
11:50to beat me with.
11:51You got beat
11:52with a store-bought belt?
11:53It's fancy.
11:56Well,
11:56his father beat him
11:57with a tree branch.
11:58You always want better
11:59for your kids.
11:59It's a step.
12:03Listen,
12:03Sean,
12:04all we gotta be clear on
12:05is that when you're
12:05around Sam,
12:06just be aware
12:07that there's another
12:07parent involved,
12:08okay?
12:08You got it.
12:09All right,
12:11trust me,
12:11now that I'm moving in,
12:12I'm not gonna make a move
12:13without telling you
12:13about it first,
12:14all right?
12:15I'm sorry,
12:16you're what?
12:17You're moving in?
12:18Yeah.
12:21Jen didn't
12:22tell you that?
12:23Why no?
12:24She did not tell me that.
12:27I mean,
12:28you're cool with it,
12:28right?
12:29Am I cool with it?
12:31Let's see.
12:32Let me run down
12:33the cool checklist.
12:34All right.
12:35You got no money,
12:36no job,
12:37and you're living
12:38in the house
12:38that I pay for.
12:39On the other hand,
12:40you are super arrogant.
12:42So no,
12:43dude,
12:43I am not cool with it.
12:44Check,
12:44please.
12:45Okay.
12:46Well,
12:47this is,
12:47uh,
12:48super awkward.
12:49Um,
12:50listen,
12:51Jen gave you enough cash
12:52to cover my,
12:53my portion of the tab,
12:54right?
12:55Yeah.
12:56She gave you a little extra
12:57so I could, like,
12:58grab a sandwich or something?
12:59I didn't mean anything.
13:01It's not Jen's money,
13:03it's my money.
13:04And I am this close
13:05to taking off
13:06my store-bought belt.
13:15Aren't you a little overdressed
13:16for a soup kitchen?
13:17Are you kidding me?
13:18I'm so boosting morale
13:19around here.
13:21Everyone's like,
13:21this place isn't so bad.
13:22Check out that hot piece
13:23of ass ladling soup.
13:27The ironic thing was,
13:29you know,
13:29I,
13:29I felt I was better
13:30than everybody else.
13:31Oh,
13:31my God.
13:32I felt the same way.
13:34I didn't realize
13:35that we're all just
13:36a couple of bad breaks
13:37away from sleeping
13:38on the street.
13:39Oh,
13:39I don't sleep
13:40on the street.
13:41No,
13:41I sleep in an old pipe
13:43on a construction site.
13:46But this year,
13:47I hope to summer
13:48at a McDonald's playland
13:49near the beach.
13:53That's your Martha's Vineyard.
13:54Here,
13:55please,
13:56I have to give you
13:57some more money.
13:57No,
13:57no,
13:58no,
13:58please,
13:58please,
13:58you've done too much already.
13:59I feel guilty
14:00that I have so much.
14:02Here's another 20.
14:03It's all I have left.
14:07I've got to get back
14:08to the line.
14:09You know,
14:10I envy you,
14:11Patrick.
14:11I wish someone
14:12had told me
14:13that pride comes
14:13before a fall.
14:14Or in our case,
14:16before the fall collection.
14:20I'll keep saying.
14:26Ed,
14:27come on.
14:28You're supposed
14:28to be working here.
14:29Who died
14:30and put you
14:31in charge?
14:33I didn't have
14:33to serve here.
14:35I served
14:35in a little soup kitchen
14:37called Vietnam.
14:39The only difference
14:40was,
14:40in Vietnam,
14:41pajamas were free.
14:43But you had
14:44to kill
14:44the people in them.
15:01What do you want?
15:03Did I hear you say
15:04you served in a nam?
15:07Which branch?
15:09Army.
15:11Me too.
15:12Desert Star.
15:14Love to serve,
15:15but
15:17sure was a long
15:18way from Texas.
15:20Texas is your home, too.
15:24But I had a home.
15:26Gee, I'm sorry.
15:32Thanks for coming.
15:33But please tell Caroline
15:34that I can't help her
15:36with her fear
15:36of leaving her house
15:37if she keeps sending
15:38her assistant in
15:39to do her therapy sessions
15:40for her.
15:44Hey, Charlie.
15:45Hey.
15:47Listen, I'm really
15:48sorry about the other night
15:48and I get it.
15:49Sex is off the table.
15:51And the floor.
15:52And the roof of your building.
15:53All the usual places.
15:55Thanks.
15:56And I get it.
15:57I mean, this new dynamic
15:58in our friendship
15:58is making things
15:59a little confusing,
16:00so why don't we just
16:01go in and deal
16:01with the other issues
16:02in your life,
16:03not you and me?
16:04No problem.
16:04Believe me,
16:05I've got plenty
16:05to talk about.
16:07So, tell me
16:08what's going on.
16:10You're ruining my life.
16:12Okay, didn't I just...
16:13I'm kidding.
16:14It was a joke.
16:16Here's the big headline.
16:18Unemployed Sean
16:19is moving in
16:20with Alimony Jen.
16:21Oh, wow.
16:23Well, you must
16:23really resent that.
16:24But it's her life
16:26and her choices
16:26and you have
16:28to accept that.
16:28I know.
16:29I should,
16:30but I can't.
16:31Why am I always
16:32attracted to women
16:32who don't have
16:33the sense to know
16:34who they should
16:34or shouldn't be with?
16:35Whoa, whoa, whoa.
16:37What?
16:38That wasn't just
16:39about Jen.
16:39That was about
16:40you and me.
16:40Oh, right up.
16:41Sorry, I didn't realize
16:42I was doing that.
16:43I'm going to keep
16:43them separate.
16:45Here we go.
16:46Jen made a decision
16:47that I don't agree
16:48with at all,
16:48but it affects me
16:49and I have no say
16:50in the matter.
16:52How come you women
16:53don't give a crap
16:53about anyone's feelings
16:54but your own?
16:57Hold it,
16:58hold it,
16:58hold it.
16:59What?
17:00You're including me again.
17:02Oh, my God.
17:03I'm so sorry.
17:04Obviously,
17:04our relationship
17:05or lack of
17:07one is weighing
17:07heavily on me
17:08and it's bleeding
17:09through.
17:10But I'm aware
17:10of it now
17:11and I've got
17:11a handle on it
17:12so I think
17:12we can continue.
17:14Well said.
17:16Now, what is
17:17your issue with Jen?
17:18Well, it's very simple.
17:21What the hell
17:22is your problem, lady?
17:22We should have
17:23sex and be together.
17:27That time,
17:28I knew what I was doing.
17:34Hey, guys.
17:36You wrote down
17:37your favorite
17:37childhood reading
17:38and hopefully
17:38that'll help us
17:39explore some core issues.
17:41Nesto,
17:41you said
17:43your dad's
17:44playboy is
17:45from the 1980s.
17:47The women
17:48were mesmerizing
17:49and I also learned
17:51a lot about
17:51where to place
17:52my living room speakers.
17:55Donovan,
17:57you said
17:57oh, the places
17:59you'll go.
17:59I sure wish
18:00Dr. Seuss
18:01would have written
18:01a book about
18:02the places
18:02I shouldn't have gone.
18:05Like a gas station
18:06with a gun in my hand.
18:09Your Disneyland,
18:10$10 for a piece
18:12of pizza
18:12and I'm in jail.
18:14You carjack the bus.
18:16They overcharge
18:16for pepperoni.
18:18I still agree with you.
18:20Wayne,
18:21you said
18:23Alice in Wonderland.
18:24I've always loved
18:25that book.
18:26There's just
18:27something special
18:28about a little girl
18:28who falls down a hole
18:29and can't get out.
18:34Congratulations,
18:34Wayne.
18:35You just made a
18:35creepy book
18:36a whole lot creepier.
18:38What books did you read
18:39as a kid, Charlie?
18:41Comic books.
18:42Mostly Batman.
18:44Riddle me this, Charlie.
18:45Batman catches
18:46the Joker every time.
18:47Why didn't the Joker
18:48move to a different city?
18:50Because the Joker's insane.
18:52And the definition
18:53of insanity
18:53is doing the same thing
18:54over and over
18:55expecting a different result.
18:56That is true.
18:58I kept killing people
18:59hoping the voices
18:59would stop.
19:00Never worked.
19:02That is a perfect example,
19:04Wayne.
19:04And I know you don't
19:05hear the voices anymore
19:06considering you're
19:07unauthorizing to kill
19:08a baby elephant.
19:09I am?
19:13And that kind
19:13of destructive behavior
19:14is not just limited
19:15to killing sprees.
19:16Oh, guilty as charged.
19:18When I first got locked up,
19:19I had a crush on a young man.
19:21He had problems.
19:21But no matter what I did,
19:23he would not change.
19:24So I had to just walk away.
19:26Granted, he was in the same cell,
19:27so it was only like four feet.
19:28But you give him a second.
19:31Who is it?
19:33I'll kill him.
19:34Oh, Donovan,
19:35you already did.
19:41Well, not everybody
19:43is as healthy as you,
19:44Cleo.
19:46Some people never walk away.
19:47Some people just keep
19:48banging their head against them
19:49all over and over
19:50until they
19:51finally realize
19:52that
19:54she's never going to change.
19:58When did they give it to me?
20:00Is it in the waffles?
20:03You're the only one
20:04that gets waffles, Wayne.
20:08Then probably.
20:14Got a minute?
20:16Charlie, hey,
20:17I was just going to
20:17give you a call.
20:19Go read this.
20:21I will read this
20:22when I want to read this.
20:24And I will talk
20:25when I want to talk
20:25and I'm going to talk now.
20:27You shut down
20:28our relationship.
20:29I feel hurt
20:31and rejected
20:31and I cannot stand here
20:32and pretend like
20:33anything we do here
20:33is going to make me feel better
20:34when just looking at you
20:36makes me feel like crap.
20:38I realize that
20:39the healthy thing
20:40is for me to move on.
20:43I don't want to see you.
20:44I don't want to talk to you.
20:46We're done.
20:49Okay.
20:50Are you finished?
20:51Yes.
20:54Now read the paper.
20:56Damn it.
20:57It's all about you,
20:58isn't it?
20:58It's all about
20:59what you want
21:01and the fact
21:02that we got
21:02the big research grant
21:04we applied for
21:04and we're going to be
21:05working together
21:06for the next six months.
21:10Aren't you excited?
21:12kids?
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