- 21 hours ago
Charlie, Kate and Jen Get Romantic
As Martin tries to get Charlie and Jen back together, he inadvertently pushes a jealous Kate to act towards making her and Charlie a couple, but events then take a surprising turn. Meanwhile, Ed is ecstatic to have the house to himself as his wife goes out of town for six days, but he has to call in his "anger buddy" Nolan when a situation arises on the homefront.
As Martin tries to get Charlie and Jen back together, he inadvertently pushes a jealous Kate to act towards making her and Charlie a couple, but events then take a surprising turn. Meanwhile, Ed is ecstatic to have the house to himself as his wife goes out of town for six days, but he has to call in his "anger buddy" Nolan when a situation arises on the homefront.
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Okay, Lacey, you're up next.
00:02Describe the image you've chosen to be your happy place when you get upset.
00:05Well, I've been thinking about it, and I saw this deserted white sand beach in a magazine,
00:11and there I am, sitting in front of a thatched hut bungalow, sipping a mojito.
00:15That's very good.
00:17Patrick.
00:17I was gonna say the penthouse at the Four Seasons off of Central Park,
00:21but mojitos there are like 30 bucks. I'm going to Lacey's beach.
00:25Here. I made you a mojito.
00:28Gracias.
00:31We're in Greece. That's why my top's off.
00:35Okay, I know I said Disneyland earlier, but I'm changing it.
00:39How do I get to this beach?
00:41Sorry, it's private.
00:43Yeah, we don't want the wrong element.
00:47I have to say, guys, I sit here, and I am kind of amazed.
00:50You found a way to make a happy place something petty and divisive,
00:53just like the happy song, the happy memory, and our field trip to the Senior Center.
00:58Ed, what about you?
00:59My happy place is my own house for the next six days.
01:03The wife's gone to Texas to bury her aunt.
01:07Oh, I'm sorry.
01:08What happened?
01:09Who cares? She's a mean old troll, and I'm glad she's gone to bury her aunt.
01:18Hey, everybody, we're out of time.
01:19Happy to see you all next week.
01:22Oh, and Ed, remember, if you have any issues, Nolan's your anger buddy.
01:25Oh, do I really have to have Nolan?
01:27Yes.
01:28We picked names out of a hat.
01:30We drew straws.
01:30I even played Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe.
01:32Bottom line, nobody ever likes their anger buddy, so we're done.
01:37Oh, and Ed, we were all offended by your version of Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe.
01:41From now on, let's just stick with Tiger.
01:46Hey, Ed.
01:48Group's over?
01:48Yeah, we can watch the game now.
01:53God, you smell like an ashtray.
01:55There was a fire at the dry cleaner.
01:58You're smoking again, aren't you?
01:59Leave me alone.
02:00I'm going through a lot of stress with this divorce.
02:02I need something to help me relax.
02:04Yeah, but those things will slowly kill you.
02:07The key word being slowly.
02:12Look, it's my life, and I can do with it what I want.
02:14Besides, you know, I've been trying to quit for years, and I just can't.
02:17You have to quit.
02:18You're a huge influence on your granddaughter.
02:21Just yesterday, she told me it was about to rain, because she could feel it in her hip.
02:27Hello, guys.
02:28Kate, perfect timing.
02:30Are you still doing cognitive behavioral work with smokers?
02:33Yeah, I've tried to stop, but I just can't seem to quit.
02:37That really kills at addiction seminars.
02:41Forget it, Charlie.
02:42And no offense, Kate, but I can't see how any shrink could ever get me to quit smoking.
02:47Really?
02:48Well, I'm not just any shrink.
02:50Be at my office tomorrow at 9 o'clock sharp.
02:52You will sit there.
02:53You will shut up.
02:53It will take five sessions.
02:55You will be cured.
02:56Charlie, kitchen, now.
03:00Whoa, that is one very bossy, frightening woman.
03:05Hands off.
03:06She's mine.
03:11What's up?
03:12You, uh, left this in my cupboard?
03:15Travel-sized deodorant, which you left there because you think you will eventually sleep over and use it in the
03:22morning?
03:23Fine.
03:23You got me.
03:24I guess I owe you a travel-sized apology.
03:55This is a couple of stuff, Charlie.
03:56Take it back.
03:57But just keep in mind, one day, you're going to be on your deathbed, and you're going to regret never
04:02being in a big, sweaty armpit.
04:12Hey, Sam.
04:15Come on, Sam.
04:16You know you're going to have to talk to me sooner or later.
04:19What's going on?
04:20Sam's decided not to talk to Martin until he actually quits smoking.
04:24Yeah, I got a better idea.
04:25How about Sam start smoking and Martin quits talking?
04:29Charlie.
04:29Oh, come on.
04:30He'll be quiet, and she'll look cool.
04:34Listen, Princess.
04:35I know you're just doing this to pressure me into quitting sooner, but I just want you to know that,
04:40like, if I died tomorrow and you're still not talking to me, you shouldn't feel guilty.
04:44Don't say that, Grandpa.
04:45Aha!
04:45I got you, you amateur.
04:49Hey, Martin.
04:50We've picked up a few things to help you quit.
04:54All right.
04:54Got nicotine gum.
04:55Ooh.
04:57Sunflower seeds.
04:59And from the hospital, just to scare you, cancerous lung.
05:04What?
05:05I'm just kidding.
05:06It's fudge.
05:08Wow, you can't like the pilot on a water heater, but you make a lung out of fudge?
05:12Don't pay any attention to him, Jen.
05:14He's very thoughtful of you.
05:16My son is a damn fool to let you go.
05:18Thank you, Martin.
05:19But he was a fool long before that.
05:22Pilot light.
05:23What?
05:26Hey, thanks for the goodies, Jen.
05:30So, how did your first session with Kate go?
05:33I think her plan is to kill me before the cigarettes do.
05:36Just don't give up.
05:38You're my dad, and I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to you.
05:41Uh-huh.
05:43What do you want, Charlie?
05:45Yeah, that might have been pushing it.
05:47I need a little help with Kate.
05:49I want to take her around a romantic weekend, but she'll never go for that.
05:52She'll say it's too couple-y.
05:54I'm not surprised.
05:55She's a cold, cold woman.
05:58You're only saying that because she's forcing you to quit smoking.
06:01And her personality.
06:04I need you to pretend you're going up to Monterey Bay with me for the weekend to race cars.
06:08But here's the deal.
06:09I need you to drop out at the last second, and that'll force Kate to go.
06:12I don't know why you keep pushing this rock uphill when you've got Jen in your life.
06:16Dad, it is over between me and Jen.
06:19She's the past.
06:20Kate's the future.
06:22Sure, she's a dystopian future where machines take the place of people, but I find that exciting.
06:28You going to help me or not?
06:30All right, but you're going to owe me big time.
06:33I already pay your rent and your cable and make your car payment.
06:35That's going to be a challenge, but I'll come up with something.
06:41Hey, how'd it go today?
06:44She had me write a goodbye letter to cigarettes.
06:48We have a toxic relationship.
06:50You're a waste of time and money and will drive me to an early grave.
06:53Wow, that's just like the letter I wrote to you last Father's Day.
06:58You're part of a support group.
06:59You should be a little more encouraging.
07:01Oh, I am.
07:01In fact, this weekend we're going to the Monterey Racing School.
07:04Celebrating as not smoking, right, Dad?
07:05Wait a minute.
07:06Did you say we're going this weekend?
07:08Yeah, everything's set.
07:09Oh, Charlie, I am so sorry.
07:11I forgot.
07:12I've got a funeral.
07:13Oh, I'm so sorry.
07:14Who died?
07:15Uh, Steve.
07:17Steve died, of course.
07:19Oh, you're right, Steve?
07:20Yes.
07:21Oh, I am so sorry to hear that.
07:23You guys worked together at that company for years and years.
07:26At that company.
07:27That was a great company.
07:28All the years at that company.
07:32With Steve.
07:33With Steve.
07:34Well, if you're not going, I'll just have to eat the deposit on the race time in the hotel.
07:38I'd invite this one to race, but when I kick her ass, she'd go crazy.
07:42Like you'd kick my ass.
07:44Oh, please.
07:45Kate, you've read the studies.
07:47Men have far superior hand-eye coordination.
07:49You, however, have terrific shoes and purse coordination.
07:54I could beat you with one hand tied behind my back.
07:57In fact, I have.
07:58I think I'll get Michael to go.
07:59Whoa, whoa, whoa.
08:00No, I'm going.
08:02No, Kate, please.
08:04I'm going.
08:05All right, fine.
08:06I'll pick you up tomorrow night.
08:06Great, or you can follow me up there.
08:08That way you can get used to eating my dust.
08:13You couldn't come up with the name of a company?
08:15Hey, I came up with Steve.
08:22Who is it?
08:23It's your anger buddy, Nolan.
08:25You called me.
08:26I said I was coming over.
08:28I'm here.
08:29Just come on in.
08:30I never locked the door.
08:32I've got a gun.
08:36I got here as quick as I could.
08:38What are you so upset about?
08:39I finally get the house to myself,
08:41and my damn neighbor decides to fix his damn motorcycle.
08:44Revs it up in his driveway.
08:46Never stops.
08:48He's not doing it now.
08:49What are you, an anger buddy or a motorcycle detective?
08:54Grab a beer and sit down.
08:55And the game's about to start.
08:57Spark it in that dent where the messes always sits.
09:01Springs are no match for that woman.
09:05Okay, but I'm not really into sports.
09:09Nobody's asking you to do color commentary.
09:12All I want you to do is sit here with me
09:14until I'm not angry anymore.
09:16Time on first.
09:17A double raise.
09:26I'm still angry.
09:31Hey, child.
09:32Hey, Ned.
09:33How'd the weekend go with Kate?
09:35We had fun.
09:36The instructor said she could have been a professional race car driver
09:39if she cared a little more about not dying.
09:42So are we watching the game tonight?
09:43Uh, no.
09:44Actually, I'm calling in my favor.
09:46You, me, Jen, and Sam are all going bowling tonight.
09:51That's your favor?
09:52A bowling night?
09:53Hey, we haven't gone out as a family in forever.
09:56I know you don't like hanging out with me,
09:58but you're just gonna have to put up with it tonight.
10:00That's what I want.
10:01Wow, I didn't realize you felt so cut off from the family.
10:04I thought I was doing a better job of hiding that.
10:07Just do this for your old man tonight, and we're even.
10:11You got it?
10:14Hey, guys.
10:15Wow.
10:18Jen, look at you.
10:19You look fantastic.
10:21So, Dad, I'm guessing it's the grand opening
10:24at the bowling alley?
10:27Bowling alley?
10:28He's mispronouncing it.
10:29It's, it's Bucelli.
10:32Andrea Bucelli, the Italian tenor.
10:35You guys are going to his concert tonight.
10:37Well, what about you?
10:38I thought you were going.
10:40I pulled my back out.
10:41I can't go.
10:42Carrying the casket at Steve's funeral.
10:44I wish I could join you,
10:45but I'm afraid you two are gonna have to see Bucelli alone.
10:49He's that blind opera singer.
10:51I saw him on Sesame Street once.
10:52He crushed it.
10:54Hey, now go on.
10:55Get dressed, Charlie.
10:56The limousine just arrived.
10:57No way.
10:58You got a limo?
11:00You're trying to put us back together, you son of a bitch.
11:02Hey, I can understand why you're upset, but don't worry.
11:05We can go bowling tomorrow night.
11:14Well, how'd it go with Jen?
11:16You're still here?
11:17You gotta leave.
11:18She's on her way in, and she's planning on spending the night.
11:20Oh, my God, Charlie, that's wonderful news.
11:23Yeah, well, what can I say?
11:25There we were, sitting under the stars,
11:26and I saw that twinkle in our eyes that I used to love,
11:29and long story short, I think we're getting back together.
11:32Yes!
11:32I can't believe it!
11:35And you shouldn't.
11:37She got drunk on limo booze and spent half the night talking way too loud
11:40and yelling out for Bocelli to sing Bohemian Rhapsody,
11:43which is her, and I quote,
11:45favorite opera song ever.
11:48Come on, it couldn't have been that bad.
11:50No.
11:51Do you know how embarrassing it is to have a blind opera singer
11:53glaring in your general direction?
11:57I don't know why you can't keep an open mind.
12:00Dad, I love Jen, and I always will,
12:03but Kate is the woman I want to be with.
12:05But she won't make a real commitment to you,
12:08and is that what you want?
12:10I mean, would you call Kate a happy person?
12:14Nah, that would just piss her off.
12:17Good night, Dad.
12:18Good night, son.
12:29Kate, it's Martin.
12:31Listen, I know my next session isn't until Thursday,
12:34but I really need to talk to you.
12:35Please call me back.
12:37Dad?
12:38Yeah.
12:39You still here?
12:41Yeah.
12:42Go home.
12:43Yeah.
12:46Hand me another beer, will you?
12:50But first, turn down that thermostat.
12:52It's like a boiler in here.
12:54That's six beers, Ed.
12:56Don't you think that's enough?
12:57I'm asking you to fetch, not count.
13:00You keep talking to me like that,
13:02I'm going to walk right out that door.
13:04Oh, please.
13:04Where are you going to go?
13:05I'm going to go to my sister's.
13:08Wait, I don't have a sister.
13:10What is happening here?
13:13Look, I'm sorry.
13:14I just don't want to be left alone with my thoughts right now,
13:18because I'm thinking and doing some things that I shouldn't.
13:22First, there's this widow who lives across the street,
13:27and she waters her lawn every morning wearing a bathrobe.
13:32This morning, she smiled at me.
13:36The bathrobe was open a little bit.
13:39She sounds like a real nice lady.
13:43I'm saying that I haven't had another woman in 40 years.
13:49If that woman waters her lawn tomorrow wearing that bathrobe,
13:53and it pops all the way open,
13:57I don't know what's going to happen.
14:00Don't worry.
14:01I'm there for you.
14:02What time does she water?
14:048 a.m.
14:06My God, you old people are like farmers.
14:13There you go.
14:15It's perfectly normal to relapse.
14:17I used to be a smoker myself, so I get it.
14:20We use these to cope with our anxieties.
14:22So before you were a smoker,
14:24what did you do to make yourself feel better?
14:26I would make love with my wife.
14:29And after the divorce?
14:30She wasn't that receptive.
14:33Well, there's usually not a lot of romance after the divorce.
14:36Well, not always.
14:38I mean, look what's going on between Charlie and Jennifer now.
14:41What's going on?
14:42They're rekindling the old spark.
14:45Jennifer and Charlie are seeing each other again.
14:47Yeah, but you knew about that, didn't you?
14:50Yes, of course I did.
14:52Old news.
14:52Charlie and Jennifer.
14:53Jennifer and Charlie.
14:55Jennifer.
14:57Jar-ly.
14:59Oh, it's bound to happen.
15:00I mean, Charlie's grown up.
15:02He's done with all the empty, meaningless affairs.
15:06He wants to settle down now.
15:08Well, yes, that's obvious.
15:11You know, sometimes people just come to a place
15:17where they have to make a change in their lives.
15:19And I couldn't be happy for them.
15:21Er.
15:24Happier.
15:26Oh, God, that's good.
15:36Kate, what's going on?
15:37Are we supposed to do something today?
15:39No.
15:41I just wanted to stop by
15:43to give you these.
15:48Travel-size deodorant.
15:51Travel-size mouthwash.
15:55And travel-size toothbrush.
15:59I don't know how many guys are trying to spend the night at your house,
16:02but those are not mine.
16:04Yes, they are.
16:06I bought them for you, so you can use them when you sleep over.
16:11Sleep over?
16:12Yes.
16:13Isn't that what people do when they're a couple?
16:15Wait a minute.
16:16You want to be a couple?
16:18All right, let's get this out of the way.
16:20Not pregnant?
16:21Check.
16:22Not dying?
16:22Check.
16:23Oh, my God, am I dying?
16:24No, just say you're happy and act stupid
16:26so we can get on with the rest of our lives.
16:29She's serious about this?
16:30Yes, no, shut up and kiss me.
16:34Wait a minute.
16:35You want to kiss me and we're not having sex?
16:37My God, you are serious.
16:43But why now?
16:44You've always been so against being exclusive.
16:47People can change, right?
16:50Why am I looking a gift horse in the mouth?
16:51This is great.
16:52Now we can do something crazy I've always wanted to do.
16:55Something crazier than we usually do?
16:57Much crazier.
16:59You and me.
17:01Uh-huh.
17:02In public.
17:03Okay.
17:05At the mall.
17:06Mm-hmm.
17:08Holding hands.
17:10Yay!
17:15Ed?
17:16It's me.
17:19I overslept.
17:21She's not out there.
17:23There's just some toes lying on the lawn.
17:26I'm worried.
17:29I'm worried.
17:30Ed, don't do it.
17:32Or at least stop doing it.
17:35Think of your wife.
17:40What the hell are you doing here?
17:42I told you I come up to check on you.
17:43It's not worth it.
17:44Forty years, Ed.
17:46Forty years.
17:47It's what I'll get for killing you.
17:50That's my wife in there.
17:51She got home early.
17:52I don't believe you.
17:53I'm going to look.
17:58I still don't know.
17:59I'd never seen your wife.
18:04Hey, Charlie.
18:05Glad I caught you.
18:06You want to have some lunch?
18:08Not a good time, Dan.
18:09The woman that I'm in an exclusive relationship with is in the next room.
18:14Perhaps you've heard of her.
18:15Her name is Kate.
18:16The woman whose heart you said you could pack lobsters in wants to be my boo.
18:21That's crazy.
18:22Why is that crazy?
18:24She had a fear of intimacy, but because she cares so much about me, she got over it.
18:27Overnight?
18:27Come on.
18:28You don't really believe that, do you?
18:29Why not?
18:30I had a fear of you, and I got over it.
18:32Get out of my house.
18:34See?
18:35Wait, Charlie.
18:36The only reason she's doing this is because I told her about you and Jen.
18:40What did you do, old man?
18:42I told her that you guys were getting back together.
18:45But we're not.
18:46Listen to me.
18:47I was just trying to move Kate out of the way so that you'd have a real chance with Jen.
18:52God knows I would kill for a chance to be back with my ex-wife.
18:55The second one, of course.
18:56Not your mother.
18:57God rest her soul.
18:58Stop saying that.
18:59She's not dead.
19:00All I'm saying, son, is talk to her.
19:03Make sure that this woman is with you for all the right reasons.
19:07Who's with whom for what reasons?
19:08I'm sorry, Kate.
19:09I just found out that my dad lied to you.
19:12That whole thing about me and Jen, he made that up.
19:15Why would you do that?
19:17Well, maybe I'm old-fashioned, Kate.
19:19But I believe my son should be with the mother of his child.
19:23And he thinks the only reason you're with me is because you didn't want Jen to have me.
19:26But we both know that's not true.
19:28Tell him, Kate.
19:31That's right.
19:32Think carefully.
19:34Really lay him out.
19:38Anytime, sweetie.
19:40Don't really leave me hanging here.
19:42I think I should go home.
19:48Oh, come on.
19:49Don't go.
19:49Come back in the kitchen.
19:51We'll kick my father out.
19:51We'll talk this thing through.
19:53I wasn't ready to be a couple, Charlie.
19:55And the Jen thing pushed me over the edge.
19:57I know it's not your fault, but I need some time to reevaluate why I did this.
20:02Okay, okay.
20:02So you may have gotten here for the wrong reason, but you're in the right place.
20:05So what if my father tricked you?
20:06I tricked you into a couple's weekend in Monterey, and that turned out great.
20:10You what?
20:11What?
20:13You just said you tricked me into going to Monterey.
20:16And you believe me?
20:18That makes no sense.
20:19I know.
20:21The important thing is we have each other to get through these confusing moments.
20:24That is the problem with relationships, the lies, the manipulations.
20:28There's no good reason for people to be couples, except for game nights and murder suicides.
20:35Okay, okay.
20:36So we don't have to do the couple thing.
20:37We'll just put that on hold.
20:39It's more than that.
20:40I need some space.
20:43I'm your friend.
20:44I can be your therapist.
20:47But that's all I can do right now.
20:50I'm sorry.
20:58Oh, Charlie, it's been a rough day all around.
21:03You know, my dad and me didn't get along well either.
21:06But there was one thing he told me.
21:08You are the root of all evil, and you ruin any chance I had at happiness.
21:11Yep.
21:11And then we'd go to bed and wait for Santa to come.
21:17Ha, ha, ha.
21:19Ha, ha, ha.
21:20Ha, ha.
21:21Ha, ha, ha.
Comments