- 19 hours ago
Charlie and The Hot Nerd
Charlie dates a hot techie named Monica (Nicole Travolta) who wires all the electrical devices in his house so that they can be controlled via the Internet. But the house goes crazy when Monica's ex-boyfriend, another IT nerd, becomes jealous and vows to make Charlie's life a living hell. Meanwhile, Lacey's first sales call in her new job as a pharmaceutical rep doesn't go as planned.
Charlie dates a hot techie named Monica (Nicole Travolta) who wires all the electrical devices in his house so that they can be controlled via the Internet. But the house goes crazy when Monica's ex-boyfriend, another IT nerd, becomes jealous and vows to make Charlie's life a living hell. Meanwhile, Lacey's first sales call in her new job as a pharmaceutical rep doesn't go as planned.
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TVTranscript
00:00Okay, we still have a few minutes left.
00:02Lacey, didn't you have some kind of a big test at work?
00:04Yeah, and I totally aced it.
00:06I'm officially allowed to sell drugs.
00:09Welcome aboard.
00:11Tomorrow's my first day representing Galaxy Pace and Pharmaceuticals.
00:15They also make peanut butter and nuclear submarines,
00:18but I'm not licensed to sell those.
00:20Well, they do have to worry about national security.
00:22You don't want peanut butter to fall into the wrong hands.
00:26So you aced your test with ease, huh?
00:30Which one did you cheat off of?
00:32Chinese?
00:33Japanese?
00:35Vietnamese?
00:37Excuse me, I did not cheat.
00:39I just double-checked my answers with somebody else's before writing them down.
00:43So you didn't cheat.
00:45But it does sound like you...
00:47What's the right word?
00:49Cheated.
00:51Okay, but there's only one test that I really need to pass.
00:54How much of this crap can I sell?
00:56And I think I'm gonna do okay,
00:58because in case you haven't noticed,
01:00I'm super hot.
01:02You still have to know your products.
01:05I do.
01:06Okay, then quick.
01:07Give me the chemical name, class,
01:10and major side effects of even one of the drugs you're selling.
01:14Anti-
01:16Dex-ta-
01:18Meth-ta-
01:20Ooh!
01:20I dropped something.
01:22So, how many boxes of Proloff do you want?
01:30This is it!
01:32Sorry, Charlie, I just finished hooking things up,
01:34and I was testing the alarm system.
01:36No problem.
01:37Well, this is Monica, my IT person.
01:40And what did you think that was?
01:41I don't know.
01:42I thought it was just a fire.
01:44Or a race board.
01:47No, no.
01:48My race board alarm sounds totally different.
01:53So you hooked up my alarm to my cell phone?
01:55And I did some other stuff, too.
01:56Now you can run your whole house from wherever you are.
01:59Your TV, your lights, your thermostat.
02:01You can turn on your oven from your car.
02:03How cool is that?
02:04That is very cool.
02:05I can't tell you how many times I'm stuck in traffic thinking,
02:08oh no, I left my oven off.
02:12Ooh, I should hook up your blender.
02:14That way, you can make margaritas from the bedroom.
02:24All right, with the sessions here at my house,
02:27I guess it was inevitable that my personal life
02:29would intrude occasionally.
02:31So I'm wide open to discussing it.
02:34Can you have sex with her from the bedroom
02:36when she's in the kitchen?
02:39Everybody get out.
02:45Monica, I really appreciate it.
02:46everything you're doing,
02:47but I don't think I need all this stuff.
02:49Charlie, you are going to love it.
02:51Here, press this button on your phone.
02:52This one?
02:54What happens now?
02:56This.
03:02That is a good button.
03:06Hey, have you decided if you're going to come with me
03:08to Comic-Con this weekend?
03:09I really don't think so.
03:12I don't do well with that crowd.
03:13We never see eye to eye,
03:15mostly because they're all wearing
03:16Darth Vader helmets.
03:17Come on, Charlie, it's going to be fun,
03:19and I'm finally going to get to wear a sexy costume.
03:21My stupid, jealous ex-boyfriend never let me.
03:24I don't know.
03:25Nerds hate me.
03:26There's something about me that brings out their rage.
03:28It's been like this my whole life.
03:30In high school,
03:31when I was a ball player,
03:32at my wedding,
03:33something always happens.
03:34I lose it,
03:35and I wind up in a bathroom
03:35with some brainiac wearing a toilet for a hat.
03:39At my wedding.
03:45Thanks for the ride, Nolan,
03:47but you don't have to wait up here.
03:48You can wait in the car.
03:49I'm here for moral support.
03:51If you make your first sale
03:52and you're looking for somebody to hug and kiss,
03:54I'm your guy.
03:56And if it doesn't work out
03:57and you want to slap somebody around,
04:00that's okay, too.
04:02Well, it's going to go great.
04:04I stayed up all night memorizing everything,
04:06so if you're just going to sit here,
04:07you might as well quiz me.
04:09Okay.
04:09What's the capital of Texas?
04:12About Proloft.
04:15Okay.
04:16What are Proloft's major side effects?
04:18Thank you for asking.
04:22Proloft may cause cognitive impairment,
04:24behavioral disinhibition,
04:26lack of coordination,
04:27and hypotension.
04:28Do not mix with alcohol.
04:30By the way,
04:30when they say do not mix with alcohol,
04:32it means this will be awesome mixing with alcohol,
04:33but I'm not going to say that part.
04:37Are you the Galaxy Payson rep?
04:39Yes, thank you for asking.
04:42I'm sorry,
04:42but Dr. Connor's been called into surgery
04:45and he won't be available
04:46until the end of the day.
04:47End of the day?
04:49Can't I just pitch to him during surgery?
04:50I won't touch anything.
04:52I'm sorry.
04:56It's six hours.
04:57I don't even know if this stuff
04:58is still going to be in my head.
04:59I'm freaking out.
05:00You should try some Proloft.
05:02Why?
05:03What does it do?
05:05It's an anti-anxiety drug that...
05:08I know what it does.
05:08I'm just freaking out.
05:11You're only supposed to take one pill as needed.
05:16How are you feeling?
05:17I'm still freaking out.
05:19Take some more.
05:26Hey, the system you set up works.
05:28I just turned on my dryer from my bed.
05:31I'm so glad you changed your mind
05:33about going to Comic-Con.
05:34You ready to see what I'm going to wear?
05:36If it's Yoda and I'm brawling panties,
05:38I cannot be responsible for my actions.
05:43What?
05:44Wow.
05:46What are you, like, some kind of a space stripper?
05:49Yeah, I'm saving up to go to space nursing school.
05:54No!
05:55I'm Gina X from Stargazers.
05:57She's an intergalactic spy.
06:00Let me get this straight.
06:01You're an alien being from a galaxy far, far away,
06:04and your name is Gina?
06:09Oh, God, not again.
06:11What is it?
06:12My ex-boyfriend keeps texting me.
06:14He heard I was going to Comic-Con with another guy,
06:16and he's totally losing it.
06:18You can't blame him.
06:19He just lost Gina X, the intergalactic stripper nurse.
06:24Maybe we shouldn't go.
06:25Oh, come on.
06:26You look great.
06:27I went cape shopping yesterday.
06:29I bought a really great cape.
06:32But he's going to be there,
06:33and if we bump into him, it's going to get ugly.
06:35Oh, come on.
06:36Going to this convention means a lot to you.
06:37You can't just let some bully push you around.
06:40What would Gina X do?
06:42She would exhaust him sexually and then bury him alive.
06:46Okay, besides that,
06:50I think she'd do what she wants to do.
06:53All right, we'll go.
06:55Unbelievable.
06:56He just won't stop.
06:59Kent Mosler, huh?
07:00You know, I am a therapist.
07:01I could talk to this guy.
07:02Please don't.
07:03He's unpredictable, and you'll just make it worse.
07:06Promise me you won't do anything.
07:07Fine, I promise.
07:12I just got another email from my dryer.
07:14It's my neediest appliance.
07:18I'll be right back.
07:20Gina X's song is giving her a space wedgie.
07:29There you are, Kent Mosler.
07:37Hello, this message is for Kent Mosler.
07:39My name is Charles Goodson,
07:40and I think you and I should get together and talk.
07:41Are you talking to somebody?
07:43It's crazy.
07:45My microwave just called me.
07:52Hey, Brent.
07:54Hey, Charlie.
07:55You're in here pretty early.
07:56It's been a while since you threw on a day drunk.
07:59I've never thrown on a day drunk, right?
08:02Well, then you're due.
08:04You know what?
08:05It's kind of nice.
08:06You're asleep by seven, up with the birds,
08:08four hours crawling around in the shower,
08:10and then you're ready just to start it back up all over.
08:14Yeah, as you know what all that sounds,
08:16I'm here to have a talk with a jealous ex-boyfriend
08:19of a girl I'm seeing.
08:21Man, you want a weapon?
08:22I got a bat, a knife, another bat.
08:25I got a bat with a knife, a knife, a knife.
08:29Jeez, Brent, what do you think is going to happen?
08:31I don't know.
08:31Race war?
08:35There's something going on that I don't know about.
08:39Charlie Goodson?
08:40He must be Kent.
08:42Thanks for coming by.
08:43I'm hoping that you and I can have a friendly dialogue.
08:45Oh, did you?
08:45Yeah?
08:46I don't think that's going to happen, jockstrap.
08:50Listen, Kent, I know that you're angry about me and Monica, but...
08:53Oh, no, I'm angry about a lot of things.
08:55Star Wars prequels, ending of Lost.
08:58My mom getting remarried to that guy, Jack.
09:03But primarily, I would like my girlfriend back from the evil Dr. Slick.
09:10Well, Kent...
09:11Jeez, I'm a giant.
09:16I know it's hard losing someone, and it happens to all of us,
09:19but the best way to cope with rejection is to move on.
09:22Ah, well said, Dr. Slick.
09:26But you need to hearken, my friend.
09:29You have one day to break up with Monica.
09:33Or else.
09:34Or else what?
09:37You have no idea what I'm capable of.
09:41I will destroy you.
09:46Okay, now, you know that lightsabers aren't real, right?
09:49They have a prototype.
09:5224 hours.
09:55Until they develop the prototype?
09:56No, our thing!
09:59Now, if you'll excuse me,
10:01I have to go have dinner with my mom and...
10:03Jack.
10:11Come in.
10:14Hello?
10:16Oh, I am so sorry to have kept you waiting.
10:19No, no, no.
10:20That's totally understandable.
10:27Are you okay?
10:29Yes, I'm here to talk to you about Proloft.
10:35Proloft.
10:36If you've got anxiety, not anymore you don't,
10:39because it's all really warms.
10:45Are you sure you want to do this now?
10:47Thank you for asking.
10:49Proloft causes cognitive impairment,
10:51behavioral disinhibition,
10:52and lack of coordination.
10:54Nailed it!
10:56Do I miss?
10:57You look considerably impaired.
11:00No, I just dropped something.
11:03You want to buy some?
11:07I'm getting the nurse.
11:08Look at my boobs.
11:12Look at them.
11:24I'm a dick.
11:37I am Rothgar.
11:39And I look like a dick.
11:44Sam, would you hit the door?
11:46Hey, I'm getting ready for full Caitlyn's.
11:49Is that for Comic-Con?
11:50No, I'm going to hit the gym.
11:54What do you think?
11:55I wasn't sure if I wanted to go away for college.
11:57Now I am.
12:08Patrick, what are you doing here?
12:10I got your email.
12:11Why would you say such a horrible thing to me?
12:14Oh, I'm sorry.
12:15You've obviously gone insane.
12:19It's for Comic-Con.
12:20What email are you talking about?
12:22The one you sent telling me that I was beyond help and needed a psychic?
12:26Patrick, I would never say something like that to you.
12:29My God, somebody must have hacked my email.
12:31That's exactly what the email said you would say.
12:33I didn't say that either.
12:34You would say that too.
12:39What the hell is that?
12:45You're seeing this, right?
12:47Yeah.
12:53Oh, my God.
12:54All the appliances turned on by themselves.
12:57What about Beauty and the Beast in here?
13:01Oh, man.
13:10What's going on with your house, Charlie?
13:13Monica hooked everything up to the unit so I can control it wirelessly.
13:17How's that working out?
13:18So far, I don't like it.
13:24Whoa.
13:26Wow.
13:27Look at you.
13:29They call me rough, girl.
13:32What's going on?
13:34You tell me.
13:35You're the one who hooked all this up.
13:36Tell me you didn't talk to Kent.
13:39Kent?
13:39Of course not.
13:41What makes you say that?
13:44Charles Goodson.
13:47I told you I would destroy you, and I will.
13:51You know, you might have bumped into each other somewhere.
13:59Where are you?
14:00I have taken over your TV.
14:04If you haven't really taken it over, you're in the right-hand corner.
14:08Really?
14:09Well, give me a moment.
14:12Now I have taken over your TV.
14:15Prepare to suffer the full wrath of...
14:17No, no, no.
14:18You're still just in the corner.
14:21You know what?
14:21I'm on your TV.
14:22I feel like that's good enough.
14:24What do you want, Kent?
14:26I want you back.
14:27I want you back.
14:28And I'm going to disrupt this Neanderthal's house until I get you.
14:32Is there anything you can do?
14:33I don't think so.
14:34He's a computer genius.
14:35He was a hacker for the CIA.
14:37Well, you didn't mention that.
14:38I said be careful.
14:39No, no, no.
14:40You have to put it all in one sentence.
14:41Like, be careful.
14:43He's a hacker for the CIA.
14:45Behold, I am your whole screen.
14:49Take a bite, Kent.
14:50There's nothing you can do.
14:52I will torment you forever.
14:53I've got all the time in the world.
14:55Shut up, punk.
14:57I've got a circuit breaker, and I know how to use it.
15:00I win.
15:01Don't.
15:03I've also got stairs.
15:05At head level.
15:13Hey.
15:15What's going on?
15:17I had to turn off my power.
15:19Want some rancid pork chops?
15:21Depends.
15:22How rancid?
15:24Part of me.
15:26Wash him down with some of this milk.
15:31Why'd you turn off your power?
15:33It's a long story.
15:34I met this girl, and we're going to Comic-Con this weekend, so...
15:36Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
15:38You're going to Comic-Con?
15:39It's like the Million Man March, but with nerds.
15:43Anyway, this girl's ex-boyfriend hacked my entire house,
15:47took over my television, and changed my outgoing message.
15:50To what?
15:51Now it says, hi, thanks for calling.
15:53Wait for the beep, then shove the phone up your ass.
15:56Well, if you're going to Comic-Con, we might as well drive down together.
15:59Hold on.
16:00You go to this thing?
16:01Oh, I don't go.
16:03The mutant king of planet Nuru does.
16:06And believe me, it's a weekend with Major Tail.
16:10You guessing Major Tail is your sidekick?
16:13I'm afraid so.
16:17Charlie, chill.
16:18You can't let this guy get to you.
16:20I know, but I just want to pull his Spider-Man underoos over his head
16:23and stop him through a basketball hoop.
16:26Just forget about it.
16:27Let's just go see a movie.
16:28How do you get to your browser?
16:30It's usually a thing on the desktop.
16:32There's nothing on your desktop.
16:34You've got to be kidding me.
16:36Everything's gone.
16:37My patient records, my billing, my novel.
16:40Oh, you wrote a novel?
16:40Yeah, just the title.
16:41I'm still noodling.
16:45It was him.
16:47That dirty bastard.
16:48Charlie, think healthy thoughts.
16:50Screw healthy.
16:51Let's go slam dunk a nerd.
17:04Hello, Kent.
17:06Hey, get your hands off me.
17:08This man's a false Rosgar.
17:10Hell, you've got to set me up.
17:11You're not getting away.
17:13You screwed up my life, man.
17:14I can't remember the title of my novel.
17:17Dickwad.
17:22Back off!
17:23Nerds!
17:25Didn't you hear what I said?
17:28Back off!
17:29Big deal.
17:31A rubber sword.
17:36Run away.
17:38Run away!
17:48You're dead.
17:50Blue.
17:52Turd.
17:55Unless you give me back everything on my computer.
17:57Then you'll be a little less dead.
17:59Just hit me already.
18:01Okay, I know you want to.
18:02You people solve all of your problems with violence.
18:04Because you people drive us to it.
18:06You think I want to be like this?
18:08Living in the shadows, hiding behind a wall of awesome technology?
18:11I don't get to be the cool athlete that swoops in and gets the girl.
18:14Okay?
18:15I'm the nerd that stands out in the rain, holding a boombox, and realizes the girl's on a date with
18:19another guy.
18:20I can't go toe-to-toe with a jock like you.
18:24Or do anything to be like you.
18:28Fine, I get it.
18:29Nobody's got it easy.
18:30Life's tough.
18:32So just give me back all my stuff, and we'll call it even.
18:37Nah.
18:41You almost had me, nerd.
18:45Don't do it.
18:47Until I block the door.
18:55So, Lacey, how you feeling?
18:56Nolan tells us you had an interesting sales call yesterday.
18:59Yeah, slurring all your words, stumbling all over the place, and knocking over a tray of urine samples.
19:06That last one was me.
19:09For your information, it went great.
19:11When the doctor found out how many Proloft I took without dying, he was so impressed by the safety of
19:16the product, he asked for a case.
19:19Or he waited for you to pass out, copped a feel, and felt all guilty about it.
19:26What, I was the guy's a doctor.
19:29Okay, speaking of crazy, Charlie, I hope you don't mind, but I told everyone how the IT girl's ex-boyfriend
19:34was messing with your house.
19:35Oh, right, right, right.
19:36But I took care of all that.
19:37Everything's back to normal.
19:39By the way, if anyone got an unusual email from me, it was from him.
19:42He hacked my account.
19:43That's a relief.
19:44I didn't really think you wanted to raise your rates by $20 a session.
19:48Actually, that email was from me.
19:52No problem.
19:52I just deleted it straight to trash.
19:56Yeah, I got the same message from your hacker, but don't worry, I'm blocking everything that comes from you.
20:03But then how will you get my bills?
20:04Oh, not a problem at all.
20:07You're welcome.
20:13So, give us the deets.
20:14How did you finally get rid of the ex?
20:16Well, I went down to San Diego and we had a franken-honest talk.
20:19So you're still with the hot computer girl?
20:21No, she dumped me.
20:22Why?
20:23Because I beat up her ex-boyfriend after the franken-honest talk.
20:28She's felt sorry for him and now they're back together.
20:30So wait, the super hot chick got back with the nerd because he got hurt fighting for her?
20:36Not gonna happen.
20:38What the hell, lady?
20:40But I think we can all learn something from this.
20:43I didn't control my anger and I lost something very dear to me.
20:46I thought you weren't that into her.
20:49No, no, but we had a lot of fun together.
20:51You said she was too geeky for you.
20:53Well, a little, but she was very attractive.
20:56So you're saying you got mad and lost a piece of ass?
21:02Essentially.
21:02I can't understand.
21:02So you don't work.
21:04Don't lie.
21:06Just talk to me.
21:08Don't lie.
21:09You didn't cut it in need of a
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