- 8 hours ago
Charlie Gets The Party Started
With Kate having moved away, Charlie has taken to drinking heavily and he plans a wild party. Visiting a local strip club to find girls to invite, he finds that Sean is the manager and Sean agrees to help but only if Charlie will convince Jen to give Sean another chance. Meanwhile, Ed is trying to win back his estranged wife, and he asks Lacey to hook him up with a prescription ointment for his manhood.
With Kate having moved away, Charlie has taken to drinking heavily and he plans a wild party. Visiting a local strip club to find girls to invite, he finds that Sean is the manager and Sean agrees to help but only if Charlie will convince Jen to give Sean another chance. Meanwhile, Ed is trying to win back his estranged wife, and he asks Lacey to hook him up with a prescription ointment for his manhood.
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00:05I'm sure we all have opinions on what's happened here in the last few weeks, so I
00:08thought we should talk about it. Who wants to start? Charlie?
00:18An important relationship has ended, and if we're to be honest with ourselves and
00:23speak from the heart, we'd understand that we need time to reflect, heal, meditate.
00:30Ah, dear sinless Jesus, shut your facial anus. Why is he even here? I have a much better idea.
00:41Wait, Drew, who wants to go play some ball?
00:43Hi, dear.
00:48Anyone mind if I trailblaze a solution? I say we have an epic party. I don't think that that
00:57Charlie is the healthiest person to listen to right now. When he needs a kidney, let's
01:01not give it to him. Charlie, we let him speak. Charlie?
01:08You gotta get back out there, man. We've been body snatched, people. We've wasted the last three
01:14years of our lives trading our freedom for warm beer and a cold steak. I propose we purge the demons
01:21of
01:22responsibility and fill up this house with booze, girls, and napalm. Yeah, a party does sound awesome. I'm just
01:31not sure it's going to accomplish anything. Well, of course not. Some hedonistic Bacchanal is not going to solve our
01:36problems. It's merely avoidance. Let's spend some time journaling and sit in quiet reflection.
01:43If I punch him, will it hurt me? Ow. Yes. Yes, it will. Charlie, what do you want to do?
01:57Have the party of the gods? Or, dear diary, today I discovered my first pube.
02:06Well, it is a tough decision. I mean, on one hand, there won't be booze and naked women. You know
02:12what? That's what I want to do.
02:16All right, I'm in. One night's not going to wreck my whole season. We're not talking about one night, man.
02:23We're talking about a lifestyle. Yes, I love it. What about your patients?
02:27Yeah, what about us? You're all coming along for the ride. So we're invited to your party? Not a chance.
02:34I'm proud of you, man. I've missed you.
02:43Good to be back. Let the games begin.
02:47Hey, Charlie, your dreams are the best. There's an Indy car in the driveway and a naked lady in the
02:54pantry, and they're both revved up and raring to go.
02:58Wait a minute, wait a minute. Is it Miss Reedy from seventh grade science?
03:04I think so.
03:07I'll be right back.
03:11Hey, Charlie. Hey, Charlie.
03:13Hey, Charlie.
03:14Shut up.
03:14Hey, Charlie.
03:16Hey, Charlie.
03:18Hey, Charlie.
03:21Hey, Charlie.
03:21Hey, Charlie.
03:22Hey.
03:23Wake up.
03:29What are you guys doing in my bedroom?
03:32What time is it?
03:34Two o'clock.
03:35I'm sorry, guys.
03:37He looks better than he did last week, but he still looks pretty insane.
03:43I don't want to waste any more of your session time, so let's do this right here.
03:48Who wants to start?
03:50My boss wants to talk to you.
03:51I'm up for this huge promotion, but he won't consider me until he's sure that I'm making progress with my
03:57anger issues.
03:58And I think also he said something about my attitude problem.
04:03Screw him.
04:04He's a jerk.
04:06Text me his number, I'll talk to him.
04:08Oh, no.
04:08He wants to meet you in person at the store tomorrow at night.
04:12In the morning?
04:13God, he is a jerk.
04:15Well, I got something.
04:18My wife is seeing a younger man.
04:21What?
04:22Is he like a hundred?
04:25No.
04:26He's 65.
04:28I'm trying to win her back, but I can't compete with that youthful energy.
04:32You know, I could get you some sample tubes of testosterone gel from my work.
04:37It totally rips your bod.
04:41You'll feel like a 65-year-old in no time.
04:45Do you have anything that'll make me feel younger?
04:48It's hard to learn a second language when you're older, and I'd really like to learn Portuguese.
04:54Okay, guys, I'm going to have to wrap it up here.
04:56But we just started.
04:57To be honest, I really need to take some time for myself.
05:01You know, to reflect.
05:04And heal.
05:08And meditate.
05:12The main dancer names are reflect, heal, and meditate.
05:17Come on, ladies.
05:18I need somebody up on the stage.
05:20Whoa, whoa, whoa.
05:20These girls are with me.
05:21They're VIP guests at a party I'm throwing tonight.
05:24In fact, you should come.
05:25I can use a big out front with his arms folded.
05:28Crystal, you're up.
05:30No, no, no.
05:30Crystal, you stay.
05:31Enjoy your crystal.
05:33I'll cover your shift.
05:38All right, ladies.
05:39Make it rain.
05:40Let's see those singles.
05:42DJ, some Van Halen.
05:44Sir.
05:45I'm going to need you to get down.
05:47Believe me, when he starts playing running with the devil, I'll be getting down.
05:51All right, that's enough.
05:55How's it going, Charlie?
05:57Sean?
05:58Could you give me a minute?
05:59I'm in a fight with Bill.
06:00Which is a shame, because I thought Bill and I were going to be friends.
06:04Bill, we're...
06:05I know.
06:05It's good.
06:06All right?
06:09I'm going to spend a lot of money here.
06:11Actually, I manage the place.
06:12You know, it's funny.
06:14After I broke up with Jen...
06:15After you cheated on Jen?
06:16After things didn't work out with your ex-wife and myself...
06:19Because you cheated on her.
06:20Long story short, I'm doing well.
06:22I work with a great company that buys strip clubs.
06:25We renovate them and sell them.
06:27To be honest with you, I'm kind of wanting to settle down and maybe even buy a house.
06:31So could you do me a favor and let Jen know that I'm doing better and that I'd really like
06:34to start dating her again?
06:35Look, I like you.
06:37But Jen hates you.
06:38And so do I.
06:40So if you'll excuse me, I've got to go recruit some more girls for a party I'm throwing tonight.
06:44Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
06:45Okay, all right.
06:46What if I help you out with your, uh, with your soiree?
06:48I'll bring, I'll bring free booze, more girls.
06:51I got that covered.
06:52What I need is fire eaters and contortionists.
06:54Done.
06:55Down the line, you'll help me with Jen, right?
06:58There's no downside to that.
07:00The downside is, if she finds out we're hanging out together, she'll kill me.
07:04What if I bring one of these?
07:08What is that, a dog being shot out of a cannon?
07:10That is a little person dressed like a dog being shot out of a cannon.
07:15Jen's on vacation, she'll never know.
07:19Where's she going?
07:21Haven't figured that out yet.
07:28That's very generous of you, Charlie, but I don't want to go to Santa Barbara.
07:32You have to go.
07:33One of my patients gave me this spa weekend for my birthday.
07:35It's about to expire.
07:37Can we talk about this later?
07:39I gotta change my Facebook information and get a new email address.
07:44Sean's back in town.
07:45He's trying to get a hold of me.
07:46Sean?
07:47I hate that guy.
07:50I hear he's running a chain of low-rent strip clubs for losers.
07:54And he's got some stupid adult party business throwing stupid parties for stupid adults.
08:01Sean, Sean, Sean.
08:03It's like all we ever talk about anymore is Sean.
08:05This guy is taking over our lives.
08:08One of us has to get away.
08:10To Santa Barbara.
08:11It's only an hour.
08:13Why do you keep pushing Santa Barbara?
08:17Okay, Jan, you want to hear it?
08:20You look like crap.
08:23What?
08:24Look at all this dress you're carrying around.
08:26It's affecting you.
08:28Here.
08:29Does this hurt?
08:30Ow!
08:32You see that?
08:33Well, you squeezed me really hard.
08:35I barely touched you.
08:38You need to get away.
08:39Get a massage.
08:40Get a facial.
08:40You'll feel great.
08:42All right.
08:43All right.
08:43I'm going.
08:44Good.
08:45Just make sure that you do.
08:48Oh, and I meant you look like crap, right?
08:55I can't believe you used a whole tube in one day.
08:59I did, okay.
09:00Now I need more.
09:02I told you to only use a little.
09:04Why didn't you listen to me?
09:05I'm a professional.
09:06This stuff has, like, chemicals or sperm in it or something.
09:10It's not sperm.
09:12It's hormones.
09:13And I couldn't quit using it.
09:15For the first time in 30 years, I feel like I've got what every woman wants.
09:21Saggy old balls.
09:24Confidence.
09:24And that cream made them jump right up like two gophers looking for cover.
09:31Fine.
09:32Take it.
09:32But after this, you're cut off.
09:34Lose my number.
09:36Yeah.
09:37This is only 40.
09:39Well, I'm a little short.
09:41I had to buy condoms.
09:44This, uh, Hercules sauce, I'm afraid that I'm going to blast right through the wife and hit a fertile woman.
09:56I'm sorry I ever touch this.
10:12All right, we got to do this on a regular basis.
10:16Check it out.
10:17House next door's for sale.
10:18You guys move in there, build a tunnel, and then you guys come over here and live with me.
10:24Hey, what's the tunnel for?
10:26I don't know.
10:27I'm not even sure where we bought the house.
10:29Hey, so, huh?
10:31Did I come through enough for you to help me out with Jen?
10:33Are you kidding me?
10:34This is amazing.
10:40Crap, it's Patrick.
10:43Hey, Patrick.
10:47What do you want?
10:47I'm meditating.
10:48With all that noise?
10:50Hey, any fool can meditate in a quiet room.
10:53What's up?
10:54This is your reminder call about the meeting tomorrow?
10:57What meeting?
10:59The one about my job?
11:01Oh, right, yeah.
11:02Just, uh, good luck with that.
11:04Be confident, but not cocky.
11:06No, it's your meeting, Charlie.
11:09I already have a job.
11:12Charlie, you're supposed to meet my boss tomorrow morning at 9 a.m.
11:15Are you okay?
11:16Yeah, yeah.
11:17I'm just on a really high level of enlightenment.
11:22Don't worry.
11:229 a.m.
11:23I got it.
11:24Just put it in your phone, okay?
11:28Okay.
11:28It's in.
11:299 a.m.
11:30I'll be there.
11:31Good night.
11:33Hey, Charlie.
11:36Hey.
11:37I told this girl that I could juggle anything.
11:40Give me your phone.
11:41Hey, Charlie.
11:42You guys see this?
11:43One of the contortionists is taking a bath in your sink.
11:47Is she hot or is it just weird?
11:49It's a compelling combination of both.
11:53Cover with a phone, Tony King.
11:56Thank you very much.
12:00Okay.
12:01Check this out.
12:09I can't juggle.
12:11We're still going to do it, though, right?
12:19Come on, Sean.
12:21Couldn't make it.
12:23Come on, man.
12:24That's what you said last time, and my knee still really hurts.
12:28But now you know to simplify the dive.
12:31Take out the somersault.
12:34Oh.
12:36My.
12:37God.
12:40What the hell do you think you're doing?
12:43You were supposed to meet with my boss this morning about my promotion.
12:47Yeah, at 9.
12:48It's 11.
12:50That's impossible.
12:51Semi-alarm.
12:54Oh, crap.
12:55Tiny King, where's my cell phone?
12:57I don't know.
13:00Last time I saw it, some tall jerk threw it in the jacuzzi.
13:07All right, look at that.
13:09Alarm's still going off.
13:11I can't believe this.
13:12I have been waiting on this promotion, and now you blew it.
13:15I was going to make twice as much money and get to look down on at least three times as
13:19many people.
13:21Going down there right now to talk to them.
13:24You must be kidding me.
13:26All right, we're hot tub buddies.
13:29Look, in our condition, it was not safe to go in here alone.
13:33Where's the key?
13:34I think that lame old cop stripper we stole the handcuffs from still has it.
13:39I wasn't a stripper.
13:39That was just a real cop getting naked.
13:42Sergeant Phil's a great guy.
13:45You really screwed me here, Charlie.
13:49Patrick, look at my eyes.
13:50What do you see?
13:53Pinballs bouncing around in a machine gone haywire.
13:57Yes, a pinball machine called determination.
14:00And guess who's got the high score?
14:02Me.
14:05Come on, Michelle.
14:08I'm going to get you that promotion.
14:10It's the last thing I do.
14:13All right, this might be a super long shot.
14:15Does anybody hear a locksmith?
14:21I nailed it!
14:24Thank you!
14:26You think Patrick's boss is going to be weirded out by the handcuffs?
14:30I couldn't find a hacksaw.
14:32I was lucky I felt my pants.
14:36Here, give me this.
14:38He won't even notice.
14:39And we'll stick to our story that you're my grad student and you're here observing, okay?
14:44Hi, I'm Zach.
14:46Oh, that's cotton.
14:48It'll wrinkle.
14:48Let me hang that up.
14:51Okay, so why do you have a woman handcuffed to you?
14:56Michelle isn't just any woman.
14:58She's a patient of mine.
15:00And she has a terrible phobia of meeting other people's bosses.
15:03So I created a behavioral therapy technique to force her to face her fears.
15:07I have to say, your methods are...
15:10Innovative?
15:10Insane.
15:12I'm not a mental patient.
15:14I'm perfectly well-adjusted.
15:16I'm a stripper.
15:18We met at the club last night and then we got handcuffed to each other at a Coke party.
15:22That wasn't a Coke party.
15:23We obviously weren't hanging out downstairs in the guest room.
15:27But you know what?
15:28We are not here to talk about me, dammit.
15:30And trust me, Patrick is doing great.
15:33And I promise you that his passive-aggressive outbursts, those are a thing of the past.
15:39And you, you, Zach, you...
15:45You are going to look like the grand high priest of Einstein's if you promote this very talented young man.
15:51How are you a therapist?
15:55You show up late, reeking of booze, handcuffed to a stripper, and you expect me to trust your judgment?
16:02I'm a victim of circumstance here.
16:06Charlie, I found the key.
16:08It's in my bikini tub where you hid it.
16:10Of course it is.
16:12Do you mind turning around?
16:14I gotta get the key.
16:22Where's Michelle?
16:23I dropped her off at her other job.
16:25She dresses up as a fairy princess for kids' parties.
16:28Which one?
16:29Sleeping Beauty, which is perfect, because she's ready to pass out.
16:36I'm not sure what to say to you.
16:38Say the truth.
16:39Tell me what you're feeling.
16:41You gotta be mad at me.
16:41I screwed up twice now.
16:43You know what?
16:44I am mad.
16:45I am mad that I can't yell at you because I got the damn promotion.
16:49That's impossible.
16:50I was terrible in there.
16:52I know.
16:53My boss thinks the fact that I've gotten better despite my therapist being completely insane
16:57is a testament to my character.
17:00That's fantastic.
17:02I don't know if we have a pair of shrimp trunks of your size, but if you want to...
17:04I'm not getting in the pool.
17:07Listen, you should, man, because this vodka will kill anything that's alive with me.
17:13Okay.
17:14Well, see you later.
17:16Enjoy the rest of your nervous breakdown.
17:17Don't worry.
17:19Thanks, buddy.
17:22I'm not going to die.
17:24I'm not going to die.
17:30Thanks, buddy.
17:35You know what, Sean?
17:37Hmm.
17:37I, uh, I posted pictures at the party tonight on Instagram to make her jealous.
17:43Why are you telling me this now?
17:45Oh, she's standing over there.
17:49I really don't like you again.
17:52So it's true.
17:53Hey, stranger, you want a beer?
17:56You son of a bitch.
17:58This is why you sent me to Santa Barbara, so you could hang out with Sean.
18:01No, no, no.
18:02When I sent you to Santa Barbara, I had no idea that this was going to happen.
18:04Oh, you didn't know you were going to throw a party with Sean?
18:06No, I didn't know you'd find out, and this thing with you and Evan.
18:11Jen, you just left the spa.
18:13You're going to ruin your nails.
18:15You're pigs!
18:16I hate you both!
18:22You idiot!
18:24You showed up, Charlie, but she still likes me.
18:27Would you come plug this leak?
18:28I'm going to get some duct tape.
18:29Listen, man, I don't think duct tape is going to stop this.
18:32Nobody's going to seal the tarp or wrap your dead body in.
18:41Hey!
18:42Give me a reason.
18:45It's Ed.
18:46That's almost enough.
18:49What are you doing in my garage?
18:51I told you, no more drugs, junkie.
18:54I came to give you your drug back.
18:56It's the devil's medicine.
18:58It makes you crazy.
18:59What happened?
19:00My wife opened the door, and I didn't say anything.
19:04I just grabbed her and kissed her.
19:05Aw, that's disgusting.
19:07I gotta go.
19:07Wait, then I got into the bedroom, and she told me to take off my socks.
19:13Well, I didn't want to, so I ripped the door off the hinges.
19:16Next thing I know, I'm in the backyard naked, punching a tree.
19:20You told me you were going to read the warnings.
19:23It says right here, this product may cause aggressive behavior, and you used a tube and
19:28a half in a day.
19:29Don't you yell at me!
19:32Oh, that was not me.
19:34That was the ointment talking.
19:37Wait, Ed.
19:38Here, some medicine for your feet, so you can take your socks off with your wife next time.
19:43Thank you, Lacey.
19:46You're welcome.
19:47You're gross.
20:03Hey, buddy.
20:06Hey, moron.
20:09Whew.
20:11That's some partying, huh?
20:15Too small.
20:18So how'd it go with Jen?
20:20Having a giant hangover and spending four hours on the phone with an angry chick?
20:25Doesn't get better than that.
20:29So how'd you leave it?
20:31As long as you and I aren't hanging out anymore, she and I are cool.
20:35Bummer for you.
20:36I just bought the house next door.
20:39I'm sorry, what?
20:40Listen, man, I gotta be close by if I'm gonna work my way back into Jen's heart, you know?
20:44Do me a favor, too.
20:45Don't tell her I want it to be a surprise.
20:48You can't live next door.
20:50Well, Bank says that I can.
20:53You know what we should really consider doing, also?
20:55Uh, building a tunnel that connects the two houses.
20:58You bet it.
20:59You and I are not hanging out anymore.
21:00All right.
21:02So what are we doing tonight?
21:04I just told you, nothing.
21:06Barracuda bar?
21:07Fine.
21:10But no tunnel.
21:15No tunnel.
21:16No tunnel.
21:17No tunnel.
21:18No tunnel.
21:21No tunnel.
21:23No tunnel.
21:24No tunnel.
21:25No tunnel.
21:25No tunnel.
21:27No tunnel.
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