- 11 hours ago
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00:09you see before you a man more worried than usual my young waitress Yvette has
00:14announced that she is pregnant and worse still it appears that I am the father
00:21apparently it came and it was due to an encounter that we had in the broom
00:24cupboard during an air raid I do not remember the exact night between you and
00:30me I do not remember that but Yvette assures me it was the night when the
00:34bangs were at their biggest fortunately my wife Edith does not know who the
00:40father is or she would hit the roof not to mention me if I could escape I would
00:46before as the old French saying goes the bun in the oven it's the fan
00:52in the meantime my air is liable to fall out overnight with worry if most of it
00:57has not dropped out already I have an uncontrollable urge that is driving me
01:05wild not the broom cupboard again pickles pickles oh it is a desperate craving I
01:15cannot get enough what a surprise these are for the customers if you want any more
01:27there is a big barrel in the kitchen I have already eaten them
01:38perhaps later outside if there is a favorable wind blowing oh I am sorry Rene it is being
01:46pregnant that gives me these cravings take a deep breath and hug me
01:55what are you doing holding that servant girl in your arms you stupid woman have you forgotten
02:03that this poor innocent child is pregnant she was over pickled if I had not caught her
02:09she would have fallen go into the kitchen eat some dry bread it will soak up the
02:13vinegar oh and open the windows yes oh Rene I am sorry I did not realize she was
02:20feeling under the weather yes well it will pass but in the meantime I think you
02:25should be as supportive as possible yes you are right oh Rene do you not think her
02:31pregnancy has brought two people closer together it had occurred to me yes it is not time you did the
02:38honorable thing what after all we have been living under the same roof with the old village thinking
02:45you are my dead husband's twin brother should you not do what everyone expects how do they know that
02:51we are not we could have a second honeymoon even more memorable than the first well it will take a
02:59long time to forget the first good morning good morning I have a massage from Michelle she has got a
03:09bog powerful
03:10buttery why are you telling us this it is for the rudio the old one is very weak where did
03:18she get this
03:19buttery from lieutenant grieber's little tonk oh my god we will all get shot while she is not bringing it
03:25here
03:25do not weary Ronnie it will be disguised in a minute that will not arouse suspicion
03:32well I must be about my bossness I have a cream to solve
03:38well what cream is this who stole the battery from lieutenant grieber's little tonk
03:46colonel something terrible has happened somebody has stolen the battery from my little tank is that all
03:53I thought it was something serious like the invasion of some it is serious I thought the french liked us
04:01don't be
04:01silly we're Germans by the way the general has given permission for officers of my rank to make one
04:07call to their families I put a call through to my wife Rosa I haven't heard her voice for three
04:13years
04:14how I miss her you told me she was boring in fact I never understood why you married her two
04:21reasons
04:21I was young and handsome and the second she was the local grumpet
04:28how lonely she must be without me hello who's that leopold leopold who ah the gardener from next door
04:40I was to speak to Rosa she's what they'll wake her up she's still in bed
04:51hello guess who this is no no
04:58no
05:02it's me eric eric your husband
05:08what's the gardener doing in our house
05:11the window boxes
05:15for a moment
05:18he's putting gromor on what
05:23well if the kettle is boiling i suppose you have to go yes dearest
05:31goodbye
05:35everything normal at home i'm afraid so
05:42general
05:43von klinkhoven
05:47heil hitler heil hitler this is just an informal visit i have a little task for you neutral spain is
05:54sending half a dozen or so flamenco dancers on a goodville tour they will arrive in nuvion today
06:00see as they are billeted in the town tonight they will entertain at my chateau you are both invited
06:06we deserve a little divertissement don't you agree yes general it will be very welcome excellent
06:13oh by the way intelligence reports maneuvers on a massive scale on the english coast the invasion
06:20could be imminent personally it will be a relief to see some action we can't wait to get into the
06:26thick of
06:35i'm sorry i forgot to give you this it arrived this morning oh this will be the message from my
06:42friend in madrid who was going to find the art expert to value the painting of the fallen madonna
06:46of his big boobies well what does it say having a lovely time wish you were here pedro
06:54of course the real message will appear when i hold the postcard over the flame i'm relieved to hear
07:01it the man that you can trust is visiting nuvion he will be with the touring flamenco troupe his name
07:09is juan garcia oh and give him a photograph of the painting and a piece of canvas to be tested
07:17if genuinely we will find a buyer in spain
07:20oh then we can escape and be rich call helga in can you spare a moment
07:31helga you must produce your booby
07:35i beg your pardon we need to photograph the painting with two boobies for an art expert to assess well
07:43i'm
07:43not parting with my booby it is the only security i have to ensure i get a cut of the
07:47painting then it
07:48is sold on the other hand i am willing to have my booby photographed but the original will not leave
07:55my possession what never mind we can always explain that we could rejoin it should a deal be struck
08:03meanwhile we can photograph the painting with my hand over the missing bit oh very well you're dismissed
08:10thank you colonel here hold the painting i've got a camera here somewhere
08:20how will we develop it we will commandeer the chemist of course
08:29a smile
08:35what is all that bagging it
08:39michelle of the resistance is removing the old flat battery from under the floor in the attic
08:43its terminals are rusty my god the old town will hear you missed me come on
08:52come on listen very carefully i shall wheeze this only once
08:57this is the flat battery the new one will arrive shortly and this will be collected
09:01i cannot have people walking in and out of here with batteries somebody will report it
09:06the new one is being delivered by monsieur alphonse the undertaker he is taking the risk not you
09:11and now i can reveal a daring plan devised by general de gaulle himself the one with the big the
09:17same
09:19he has decided that we should set up a resistance radio station here in novium we will broadcast the
09:25truth about the war undermining german morale and rousing the brave french people to arms in
09:31preparation for the invasion but surely the germans will track down a radio station we will move the
09:36equipment around the countryside our broadcasts will be made from different locations
09:40and if somebody sees us broadcasting impossible we will pre-record our broadcasts on wax cylinders
09:46and then play them when we are not there of course but where do we get these back cylinders
09:52the british will drop the cylinders and the edison recording machine by parachute the next radio
09:57message will tell us when and where i want no part of this it's too late you are already in
10:02the
10:02schedule united we'll broadcast wednesdays after breakfast time with nanu what is that it is the
10:11provisional title for my daily chat show nanu is my code name people cannot listen to propaganda all
10:18the time they need some light relief perhaps i could sing a song to boost morale
10:24uh unfortunately madame edith you have a very distinctive voice which would give the game away oh my
10:29talent is a blessing and a curse but more one than the other
10:38you are very quiet her flick is something bothering you i am thinking von smallhausen it is vital that
10:46we recover the painting of the fallen madonna which helga craftily stole from us that will
10:51not be easy her flick we do not know where it is my highly trained intellect tells me that it
10:58is probably
10:59hidden in her quarters i think we should go there and sniff around that is not possible her flick helga
11:06lives in a female only hostel i am aware of this open the special gestapo disguise cupboard and you will
11:14find inside two uniforms for female privates of the german army we will put on the uniforms gain access
11:23to the hostel and search helga's room that is a fiendishly clever plan their flick as always
11:30now one smallhausen you will notice on my desk a basket of fruit which uncle heinie has sent from
11:36berlin the connection escapes me but then most things do then pay attention to complete our disguises
11:46we must select the appropriate fruit for our false bosoms
11:53the grapefruits are not quite ripe yet perhaps i should have the lemons
12:00i am only small you forget von smallhausen we are posing as german women we will take the melons
12:13the new battery is in the bottom of the smell kiffin put it on the table
12:20and how is this method of transporting batteries supposed to fool the germans
12:24because untup is your favorite parrot the late roger
12:30but i do not have one and if i had i would not call it roger
12:34if i am questioned i will say we are taking it to the pet cemetery for the entourment
12:38well get the battery out come on
12:46i do not want to worry you but two german ifis are about to enter the kiffy
12:51you are on your own where i shall disappear up the back passage
12:55oh my god we are done for quick put the battery in the chair i did i did quickly quickly
13:00come
13:00along come along oh really is everything all right we were worried to see a house outside
13:07he just come to collect one his favorite parrot roger really i never knew you had one
13:14i kept it in the back room he looks like he's been gone quite a while
13:20no no he popped up today i'm taking it to the pet cemetery of course
13:25pull up a chairless of a drink
13:29for some reason there appears to be a 24 volt battery on my chair
13:34i can explain that of course well explain
13:42well it was like this you see if i may interject
13:44uh monsieur it is a custom to make sure they departed have indeed it departed
13:52monsieur renee was trying a last moment attempt at revitalization
14:01using the electric terminals this is true i had already tried blowing down its beak what happened
14:10the wind just came out the other end i was going to have one last go with the battery terminals
14:19let us all pray for roger dear gid do not let this parrot slop away if there is still a
14:30flicker of loof
14:34so one final go at giving a jump start to dear old roger
14:48well if it wasn't dead before it's dead now
14:55the battery has military markings this is for my little tech no yes i said that man with
15:03wellington boots the beard the dark glasses and the green bicycle who sold it to you only 10 minutes ago
15:08was a shifty looking character with such a clear description he will not scoop the long arm of the loo
15:17do you believe this we have the battery colonel no it's your decision
15:25renee you will accommodate half a dozen spanish dancers tonight could i not just go to jail
15:31they are a touring flamenco troupe who are entertaining tonight at the chateau send the
15:36generals a bill meanwhile we will take the battery oh girl do not adjust your suspenders in front of
15:44offices it's quite all right ladies we are not offended in the slightest i am off to the pet cemetery
15:55it seems a very heavy parrot earlier just at his breakfast
16:03good helga is not here we will search every nook and cranny of her room for the painting of the
16:09fallen
16:09madonna madonna yes sir flick
16:13doing one smallhausen my melons are slipping here i told you your choice of brazier size was too small
16:20these cantaloupe melons are at least a 42 b
16:25begin the search under the bed
16:31what are you doing in my quarters and why are you dressed in this manner we are looking for the
16:38painting of the fallen madonna which you stole from my quarters by cruelly making once smallhausen
16:44believes that you loved him i did believe it in my sleep i still cry out your name how do
16:50you know if
16:51you were asleep because it wakes me up if you hand it over i will reward you generously how generously
16:59you will participate in the profit from the sale and i will take you back into my manly affections
17:06that is a tempting offer heflick you are a tantalizingly attractive man even wearing a skirt and
17:12stockings with crooked seams i know you may kiss me i'm already late for my gym class but i cannot
17:20resist
17:20you pull up your melons over your eyes from smallhausen i do not wish you to get excited
17:28he think is strictly forbidden between privates
17:34i sometimes get carried away by my affectionate nature do you now
17:39report to my quarters this evening after supper yes major dismissed
17:46who are you two we are new girls major we have been transferred from another division
17:52why are you not in your gym kit the exercise class is about to begin our kit bags have not
17:57yet arrived
17:58we will have to miss the class i am afraid certainly not i have never seen such puny looking girls
18:05i will soon get you into shape you will do the cross in your underwear
18:25let the exercise begin
18:29ready go
18:38This was not a good idea, von Smallhausen.
18:41Lemons would have been better, Herr Fleur.
18:48Where is a good earth for this battery?
18:51Try the water pipes.
18:52They are under the floorboards.
18:54Oh, it is too far to reach.
18:56This will have to do.
18:58Oh, it is.
19:00What?
19:01It is going on.
19:02I want to go to the bathroom.
19:05Hold on, Mama.
19:06We are about to talk to London.
19:08Hello, Nighthawk.
19:09This is London calling.
19:11Are you receiving?
19:12Over.
19:13Hello, London.
19:14This is Nighthawk, receiving you loud and clear.
19:17Pass your message.
19:18Over.
19:19Renée, the flamenco dancers have arrived.
19:21And I want to go to the bathroom.
19:25Hold on, London, a moment.
19:26Give the dancers some drinks and keep them downstairs.
19:29Yes, Renée.
19:30Sorry about that, London.
19:32I was just dealing with some flamenco dancers and my mother-in-law who wants to go to the
19:36bathroom.
19:37Look out that code.
19:38No, it is not code.
19:40It is a normal day somewhere in France.
19:42Now, pass your message.
19:44Over.
19:44The equipment you asked for will be dropped this evening at the usual place at the usual
19:49time.
19:50Over.
19:51What usual place?
19:53This is blue tit, message received and understood, over and out.
19:57Everything is under control.
19:59It's now select finished.
20:00I must go to the bathroom.
20:21Oh, that was good for me, Fanny.
20:23How's it for you?
20:31Renée!
20:32I have found the Spanish flamenco dancers in the cellar.
20:35Well, get them out.
20:36I cannot.
20:37They have drunk six cases of wine and are all flat out on their backs.
20:40Oh, my God.
20:40I must go and talk to the colonel.
20:45Renée, something awful has happened.
20:47Not now, Michelle.
20:48Yes, now.
20:49The British aeroplane has dropped the equipment.
20:52We have the recording machine, but the parachute bearing the wax cylinders was blown, of course,
20:56and has landed down the chimney of the general's quarters at the chateau.
21:00We can see the parachute sticking out of the tub.
21:02Another cock-up.
21:04Never mind.
21:05We can send your small waitress, Mimi, into the chateau.
21:08She can climb up the chimney and retrieve the cylinders.
21:10But the chateau is heavily guarded.
21:13How will she get in?
21:14We will dress her as one of the flamenco dancers.
21:16They are due to perform that night.
21:17She can tag along.
21:19Michelle, the dancers are all drunk.
21:21They will be going nowhere tonight.
21:23We will take the place of the Spanish dancers and get Mimi into the chateau.
21:27I am having nothing to do with this, Michelle, and that is final.
21:30On one of those cylinders was a personal message to you from General de Gaulle.
21:34It even mentions your name.
21:36It was to be a surprise.
21:38Well, that is a surprise.
21:40Where did you say those costumes were?
21:42In the cellar with the dancers.
21:44Oh, quick.
21:44There is not a moment to lose.
21:45Follow me.
21:48This is the room we want.
21:58We have not a moment to lose.
22:00Mimi, are you ready to climb up the chimney?
22:03I am ready.
22:04This is very dangerous, Michelle.
22:05What if the Germans came in and caught us while we are at it?
22:08I will wheat by the deer and keep a lick out.
22:11I will not fail.
22:15Give me a lick up, someone.
22:18I am looking forward to this.
22:20I thought we could all do with a little like relief.
22:23It's a Juan Garcia and his troop.
22:26I understand they're quite amusing.
22:28Excellent choice, General.
22:31Have you got the photograph of one and sample of canvas?
22:36They must surely be ready by now.
22:38Go and see what's keeping them, Goba.
22:39Yes, General.
22:44Lieutenant Grieber is hitting this woo.
22:47My God.
22:49Stay where you are, Mimi.
22:51Veils on everyone.
22:53The General is ready for you now.
23:01Are you one?
23:05Is it anything urgent?
23:07I have what you want.
23:09Yes, sir.
23:11Have you?
23:17Is everybody ready?
23:19Then let's not keep the General waiting.
23:23René, you stay here and help Mimi down the chimney.
23:27Monsieur Alphonse, are you ready?
23:28Well, it's a long time since I lost her the twang.
23:32But I'll do my best.
23:34Ready?
23:35Then follow me.
23:42Now, did you tell them?
23:43They are on their way.
24:01It will be hard to know after this whether to applaud that one or give her first aid.
24:14I got the cylinders.
24:16We will hide them down our bosoms.
24:17Good.
24:19Now, let us get to the fire escape.
24:23Shouldn't you be entertaining the officers?
24:26We are just about to, senor.
24:29Follow me.
24:32I am covered in soot.
24:35Well, we will say you are from southern Spain.
25:01What dark skin some of them have.
25:04The little one's quite the turn-on.
25:07What about Rosa?
25:09Rosa who?
25:12Granuda.
25:14I'm feeling under your spills.
25:20And if you could spook, what a fascinating tool you would till.
25:28Of an urge the world has ling-for-gitten.
25:35I'm not sure if it would make me think it was such a good idea after all.
25:39An urge that woves a sealant midgic in Granuda to dee.
25:52The next turn, head for the door and leg it down the stairs.
25:55My cylinder is melting.
25:57It's like...
25:59Ow, ow.
26:02Bye.
26:05Bye.
26:08Bye.
26:10Bye.
26:11Bye.
26:13Bye.
26:15Bye.