- 2 days ago
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00:03The more observant among you may note that I am wearing a clean new apron.
00:07I have trimmed my moustache and manicured my nails.
00:10And if you were standing next to me, you would know also that I am wearing a very powerful aftershave
00:16lotion.
00:17My wife finds it irresistible, so I seldom wear it.
00:22But this is a special occasion.
00:24Since my waitress has been lost in the post,
00:28I now have to find a new girl to work under me in the bar.
00:33And there have been many applications.
00:36Renée, this new girl that you will be taking on, promise me you will not fall in love with her.
00:43Oh, Yvette, what a suggestion.
00:45Have you ever known me to deceive anyone?
00:48Look out, my wife is coming.
00:51Renée, Abigail, is there yet?
00:53Monsieur Leclerc has assembled them outside.
00:55Ah, good. Show them in, I will interview them.
00:59Oh, Yvette, there is no need for you to bother yourself with this.
01:03I know the type of girl I want to work in our café.
01:05So do I.
01:07And it is not our café, it is my café.
01:10It will only be our café when you marry me again.
01:13Yes, Yvette.
01:15The girls, they are getting a recess.
01:19Show in the first applicant.
01:23Madame Seplon.
01:33Very suitable.
01:35I agree.
01:36When can she start?
01:40But, Yvette, she has to get down on her knees to clean the floors,
01:43climb the stairs to entertain the Germans.
01:45But I can get down on my knees.
01:47And I am able to entertain the Germans.
01:51She is perfect.
01:53Yes, but we must see the others, Yvette.
01:56We will let you know, Madame Seplon.
02:04Mademoiselle Angelique Vites, 38, 28, 38.
02:09Great!
02:13Next!
02:22Columnen, General von Klinkerhofen is here.
02:25General von Klinkerhofen?
02:26General von Klinkerhofen!
02:30General von Klinkerhofen!
02:33Herr Hitler!
02:34Herr Hitler!
02:35Sit!
02:37Go away!
02:38Yes, General.
02:43The invasion of England is in preparation
02:46and will take place before the winter.
02:48My chateau is to be the operational center.
02:51All planning will be carried out there.
02:54Your area, Colonel, is consequently of vital importance.
02:57Security must be watertight.
02:59I understand here, General.
03:01There's your assistant.
03:03He volunteered for the Russian front.
03:05Good!
03:08I intended to send you there anyway.
03:10You ought to have a new assistant.
03:11I'm delighted to hear it, General.
03:13Mussolini has persuaded Herr Hitler
03:15that a small token force should join us in the invasion.
03:19We are, therefore, to have a liaison officer.
03:23It is not agreeable to me, but we must obey orders.
03:27In order to keep him out of my hair, I have placed him under your command.
03:32Bring in, Captain Barterelli!
03:36Bring in, Captain Barterelli!
03:39Captain Barterelli!
03:52Mama Mia!
03:55A beautiful lady.
03:57I kiss your hand.
04:00Captain!
04:01Captain Batrelli,
04:02officers in the German army
04:03do not kiss the lady privates.
04:08What a mistake I'll make.
04:11General, please forgive me,
04:13but I am Italian.
04:14When I see the beautiful lady,
04:16my heart go boom, diddy boom.
04:19Diddy boom.
04:20This is your commanding officer,
04:22Colonel von Schroem.
04:23Colonel, you have a kind face.
04:26To you, I give a salute.
04:33Ah, it's a beautiful place you have here.
04:36I think I'd be very happy.
04:38These are my desk.
04:39Oh, this is my desk.
04:43I forget.
04:44General,
04:46I have for you
04:47a special gift from Mussolini.
04:50It's the Italian War Hero Medal.
04:53Oh, the Italian War Hero Medal.
04:55I don't think I've seen this before.
04:58I think they're very rare.
05:00You too have many medals.
05:03Me?
05:03I am a hero.
05:06These here for service in Abyssinia.
05:09These for service in North Africa.
05:12And the bottom row,
05:13they are for service in fiat.
05:22Mademoiselle Valérie Vendôme.
05:2536, 22, 36.
05:28Miss VendĂ´me,
05:29what is your experience?
05:31Until recently,
05:32I worked in a circus.
05:33I can ride a one-wheel bicycle.
05:42Very handy for errands, E.D.
05:47I can do also the acrobatic.
06:08It would be good for dusting under the bed.
06:22Oh, the best yet.
06:27I also have a beautiful singing voice
06:29and I do cabaret.
06:31So do I.
06:33Next, please.
06:36Michelle of the Resistance.
06:40You fool.
06:41Do you want the old world to know?
06:43Michelle, what are you doing here?
06:45Listen very carefully.
06:46I will say this only once.
06:49A new radio has arrived for you.
06:52But, Michelle,
06:52the Germans know our wavelength.
06:54We have changed the wavelengths.
06:55The radio will be delivered
06:57by a man disguised as a mountaineer.
06:59But the nearest mountain
07:00is a hundred miles away.
07:02He is lost.
07:05Naturally,
07:06he will come in here
07:07asking for directions.
07:08Now, look.
07:09No more questions.
07:09Your new serving girl
07:11is to be from the Resistance.
07:12I have her outside.
07:13She was a gang leader in Paris.
07:28Mimi,
07:29I want you to meet
07:31the brevest man in all France,
07:33René Atwa.
07:33My name is Mimi La Bonque.
07:40This is my wife, Edith.
07:43Mademoiselle La Bonque.
07:46This is Yvette,
07:47the other servant.
07:49René is very important
07:50to the Resistance.
07:51You must guard him
07:52with your life.
07:53This is my bodyguard.
07:55I will be the laughingstock
07:57of the old town.
07:58Show him.
07:59Ah!
08:01That's right.
08:05Good!
08:07She is hired.
08:10Thank you, monsieur.
08:14Oh, I...
08:14It is a flick from the Gestapo.
08:16Thank God.
08:17Put that away.
08:21Edith,
08:22he will want his table
08:23in the back room.
08:23The airmen are in there.
08:25Well, get rid of them.
08:26Ah, air flick.
08:28Welcome to my humble cafe.
08:32Let me take from you
08:33your sinister leather coat.
08:39There you go.
08:41We need this room.
08:42You must not be discovered.
08:44You must leave.
08:45Get out.
08:46I will just make sure
08:47that the room is
08:48prepared for you, air flick.
08:51All is clear.
08:52Come in, air flick.
08:53Come in, please.
08:54Sit down.
08:54Make yourself at home.
08:56Mimi,
08:57a menu and wine
08:58for air flick
08:59and his bit of stu...
09:01His lady friend.
09:03I have already prepared
09:04a bottle for the Gestapo.
09:09It is very stuffy in here.
09:11Let me open a window for you.
09:15Good morning.
09:18Good evening, officer.
09:20How comforting to know
09:21that you are doing your duty.
09:23Do not waste your torch.
09:25It is a dick night.
09:29Very likely, yes.
09:32I thought I saw two men
09:33leaking by your dustbin.
09:37Well, that is France for you.
09:41Hello?
09:42Hello?
09:44Um, the police
09:46are patrolling the ground.
09:48Ah, Mimi,
09:50a wine for the Gestapo officer.
09:52Here you are, sir.
09:53You will never drink
09:54a better bottle.
09:55I will do it.
09:55Of course, if you can.
10:05When you speak in such
10:06a dominating fashion,
10:07I go weak at the knees.
10:09This is normal.
10:10Helga,
10:12I wish you to know
10:13that it is a very special occasion.
10:15I have decided to marry you.
10:18I thought we were going to wait
10:20until after the war.
10:21These are dangerous times, Helga.
10:23We must grab every moment
10:24of happiness while we may.
10:26But, Herflick,
10:27you have always managed
10:28to grab it so far
10:29without getting married.
10:31But, Mimi,
10:32you must not oversell our wine.
10:34It is only plonk.
10:35It was quite ridiculous
10:36to tell Herflick
10:37that he would never open
10:38a better bottle.
10:39It was the truth.
10:40I'll remove the coke
10:41from the bottle
10:42and put in a deadly poison.
10:43In four minutes,
10:45he will be no more.
10:47Mimi, not in my cafe.
10:50Helga,
10:52may we be blessed
10:53with many little members
10:54of the master race.
11:02It was not a good year.
11:07Ah, good evening,
11:08Lieutenant Gruber.
11:09A table by the window?
11:10No, I would prefer
11:12just to have a little snifter.
11:13by the bar.
11:14Oh, God.
11:15Take this in to him.
11:16And remember,
11:17there is an house rule.
11:18You do not kill people
11:19on the premises.
11:21Good evening, René.
11:22Ah, good evening, Lieutenant.
11:23That is the one
11:24that fancies me.
11:25Who is to blame him?
11:26You have a quality
11:27that is irresistible.
11:29You too?
11:32From the moment I saw you,
11:34my lips unngured
11:35for your lips.
11:39Well, practice on this.
11:41I am rather busy.
11:46That's a very exciting perfume
11:48you're wearing.
11:49Yes, yes.
11:49It is my, uh,
11:50it is my aftershave.
11:51It is cologne.
11:53For men.
11:54No doubt
11:54that is why
11:55I'm attracted to it.
11:57René,
11:59I wish to speak to you
12:00confidentially.
12:01Can you bend over a little?
12:05Oh, yes, yes.
12:10Could you obtain for me,
12:11perhaps from your wife, Edith,
12:14some dark red lipstick?
12:17You're going somewhere special?
12:20René,
12:22do not get the wrong idea about me.
12:24I do not wear lipstick.
12:26Even when I'm going somewhere special.
12:29I'm sorry, Leften.
12:30I need it
12:31to complete
12:32the forgery
12:33of the fallen Madonna
12:34with the big, um,
12:35the big,
12:36exactly.
12:39How are you getting on
12:40with the paintings?
12:41Well, I am making progress,
12:43but it is quite a task.
12:44One for Hitler,
12:45one for the colonel,
12:46one for the general.
12:47It's a lot of work.
12:48And a lot of...
12:49Exactly.
12:50Yes, you shall have the lipstick,
12:52Lieutenant.
12:53Good evening, Colonel.
12:54Good evening, Edith.
12:56René,
12:56I will speak to you.
12:57Yes, Colonel.
12:59I've arranged to meet
12:59my new assistant here.
13:00Ah, he will be
13:01most welcome, Colonel.
13:04He knows nothing
13:05about the British Airmen
13:06or the painting
13:07or the cuckoo clock.
13:09I had forgotten
13:09about the cuckoo clock.
13:11What does he know
13:12about my little
13:13visit upstairs
13:14with the girls?
13:16With the flying helmet
13:17and the wet celery?
13:19You never mentioned
13:20the flying helmet
13:20and the wet celery.
13:22Rely on us, Colonel.
13:23His name is Bertarelli.
13:25What, Von Bertarelli?
13:28Captain Alberto Bertarelli.
13:30He's a night owl.
13:31An Italian unit
13:32will be coming with us
13:33when we invade England.
13:34Well, I suppose
13:35somebody has to take over
13:36the ice cream business.
13:39When is the invasion?
13:41I shouldn't have told you.
13:43Forget it.
13:44Forget it.
13:44Yes, forget it, Yvette.
13:45Forget it.
13:46Never mention the invasion
13:47or the fact that
13:48the Colonel told you about it.
13:50Oh, and by the way, Colonel,
13:52we are running rather short
13:53of butter and sugar
13:54and paraffin and cigarettes.
13:57No.
13:59Stalinella,
13:59you're my friend.
14:01Then I keep you waiting.
14:03Will you forgive me, no?
14:06Mwah!
14:09This is Captain Bertarelli.
14:11Yes, I guessed.
14:12Good evening, Captain,
14:13and welcome.
14:14Oh, Patron!
14:16Mwah!
14:17Mwah!
14:18Mwah!
14:22I am just a simple peasant,
14:24you understand,
14:25trying to scratch your living
14:26with my mother-in-law
14:27and my wife.
14:28I embrace your wife.
14:32I embrace your mother-in-law.
14:38I am his wife.
14:41What a mistake to make.
14:45Mama Mia!
14:47Who is this handsome officer
14:48lookalike the film star?
14:50This is Captain Bertarelli.
14:52I heard about you
14:53from the General.
14:54This is Lieutenant GĂĽbe.
14:57I heard about you
14:59from the General.
15:05How are you going on, eh?
15:10That it is!
15:15Does nobody hear the cry
15:17of a bedridden woman?
15:22Stop shouting, Mama!
15:24The old cafe can hear you.
15:26What is the matter?
15:28Since there is no radio
15:30under the bed,
15:31nobody comes up to my room.
15:35Why do you not read
15:36from your book?
15:37Oh, my hands.
15:39They shake too much.
15:41I am not surprised.
15:43Lady Chatterley's lover,
15:46you should not be reading
15:47such a book at your age.
15:50At my age,
15:51what else can I do?
15:56Colonel,
15:57in my room is a painting
15:59on which I would like
16:00your advice.
16:01A painting?
16:02Why would I want
16:03to see a painting?
16:04It is of a flying helmet
16:05and some wet celery.
16:08Lady Chatterley.
16:12Do you also have
16:13one of an egg whisk?
16:15I am sure I can find one.
16:23Oh, my God.
16:25Oh, my God.
16:27Good evening.
16:28Can anybody help
16:30a poor, weary
16:31old mountaineer
16:32who has lost his way?
16:35Come over here,
16:36old mountaineer,
16:36and tell me your problem.
16:39Kind,
16:39most kind,
16:40little people.
16:41Yes, yes.
16:41I was lucky
16:42to see your life.
16:42Yes, indeed.
16:43I have, uh,
16:44I have tramped
16:45for hours
16:45and hours
16:46and tramped.
16:47Shut up.
16:48What is it?
16:50It is I,
16:51Leclerc.
16:54Well,
16:55that is abundantly
16:55clear to all
16:56but the totally blind.
16:59In the pack
17:00on my back
17:00is your new radio.
17:02It is already
17:03connected
17:04to the batteries.
17:05Here is the area.
17:17Get this old idiot
17:18up to the room
17:19of your mother
17:19before he gets us all shot.
17:21He cannot go
17:22to the room
17:22of my mother.
17:22She is doing
17:23private things.
17:24You,
17:25take him
17:26to the room
17:26of a vet.
17:27She is doing
17:28officer things.
17:30Oh,
17:30come and sit down
17:32weary old
17:32lost mountaineer.
17:34We will bring you
17:35a bowl of soup
17:36so that you may
17:37refresh yourself
17:37before you go
17:38to your room.
17:39Mimi, soup.
17:42Good evening.
17:44At what theater
17:46are you performing?
17:48Have some wine,
17:50garrulous old mountaineer.
17:51And do not talk
17:53to the conquering heroes.
17:54Remember,
17:54you are just
17:55a silly old peasant,
17:56huh?
18:07Pardon?
18:13Try to ignore him.
18:15It's not easy.
18:18That coat you wear
18:20is very fine.
18:23This is what
18:24we mountaineers call
18:25it is a wind cheetah.
18:34Whatever you do,
18:36don't take it off.
18:53I have been giving
18:54much thought
18:55to the arrangements
18:55for our wedding.
18:57Catholic,
18:57are you quite sure
18:59that deep in your heart
19:00wherever it is?
19:01You are ready
19:02for marriage?
19:03What are you saying?
19:04Well, you are so young,
19:06so attractive.
19:07Women are always
19:08throwing themselves
19:08at you.
19:09This is true.
19:10I will be consumed
19:11with jealousy.
19:12I will be breaking
19:13the plates
19:13when I do the washing up.
19:15If you did,
19:16you would be punished.
19:19We will be married
19:21in a high-security
19:22Gestapo chapel.
19:23As we leave
19:24the ceremony,
19:25we will walk
19:25through an arch
19:26of rubber truncheons
19:27held by my Gestapo
19:28columns and jackboots.
19:30We will leave
19:31in a black
19:32Gestapo limousine
19:33showered with
19:34propaganda pamphlets.
19:36We will honeymoon
19:38in a Bavarian forest.
19:39Every morning,
19:40we will leave
19:41our camouflage tent
19:42strip naked
19:44and dive into the icy waters
19:46of a limpid dark lake.
19:52Could I have time
19:53to think about it?
19:59to think about it?
19:59Ah, Cornel,
20:01you like the painting, eh?
20:04Most enjoyable.
20:07You've got the lipstick
20:08on your face.
20:11And behind your ear,
20:13there is a piece
20:13of wet celery.
20:17You not just look
20:18at the painting, eh?
20:20Do not poke
20:21your vop nose
20:22into my business.
20:23Well, well,
20:24my friend,
20:24we are both
20:25the men of the world.
20:26You fix us
20:27so he better
20:27show me the painting, eh?
20:29Certainly not.
20:32I will show you
20:33some paintings,
20:34Capitan.
20:35Follow me.
20:36This is my lucky night, eh?
20:41And where are you going?
20:43She show me the painting.
20:44You will never see
20:45better paintings
20:46as long as you live.
20:53Good evening.
20:55Eiletler.
20:58Michelle,
20:59what are you playing at?
21:00The town is full of Germans.
21:02Like this,
21:02I can move around freely.
21:05London will contact you
21:05in ten minutes
21:06on a new wavelength.
21:07With a cafe full of
21:08customers,
21:08that is all I need.
21:09How is the new girl?
21:11She is a fanatic.
21:12She tried to kill
21:13a flick in the back.
21:14She has a ruthless
21:15hatred of the enemy.
21:17Yvette, Yvette,
21:18two soups for table three
21:19and chicken for the party
21:20at the back.
21:21I would like a small port.
21:22And a small port
21:23for Lieutenant Groover
21:24and get a move on.
21:25I have only one pair of hands.
21:27Well, get Mimi
21:27to help you.
21:28She is upstairs
21:29with Captain Bertorelli.
21:31She is a fast worker,
21:32that one.
21:32She is a show.
21:34She told him
21:35that he would never
21:36see better paintings
21:36as long as he lived.
21:59I think he is trying to speak.
22:01Whatever you do,
22:03don't you make
22:03a pass at the girls.
22:05Don't worry,
22:06he won't.