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00:04You find me being examined by our local GP, Dr. Leconte, because my nerves are all shot to pieces following
00:10the recent cock-up in our fight against the Germans.
00:13Oh, that is cold!
00:17I, uh, I can speak in front of Dr. Leconte, because he is a long-serving member of the resistance.
00:24Though for how much longer, I do not know.
00:27So, yes, needless to say, the most recent plan to set up a secret mobile-resistant radio station in a
00:36coffin on the back of Monsieur Alphonse's earth went wrong.
00:39The horse bolted, and the radio station was last seen disappearing due south at a huge canter.
00:45So this could be my last birthday.
00:48You have the lungs of a man of 30, but the body, it is knackered.
00:55Surely you can do something.
00:57Well, you are very run-down.
00:59But, I will give you these pills to pep you up.
01:03Oh, you keep them, Doctor. You need them more than I do.
01:08Oh, René, it is not bad news, is it?
01:10No, the doctor said I am just run-down.
01:13You should try to relax a bit more.
01:15Relax? How can I relax when a message to me from General de Gaulle has been transmitted throughout the all
01:20of the district from A.E.E.R.S.?
01:22I am a nervous wreck.
01:24Oh, do not worry, René.
01:26Michelle of the Resistance will find the earth.
01:28Monsieur Alphonse needs it today.
01:30And I will be needing it tomorrow if the Germans have heard that broadcast.
01:34I am having to get back to my practice.
01:36Oh, Doctor LeCount, while you are here, could you give Mama a quick check-up?
01:40I will show you upstairs.
01:41Of course.
01:47Happy birthday, René.
01:49Oh, Mimi.
01:51I have brought you a present.
01:53Oh, thank you, Mimi.
01:54I wonder what it is.
01:59Oh, it is hot water butter.
02:10I need you to cover myself.
02:12No.
02:14Think of me every time you fill it up and screw in the stopper.
02:19Thank you, Mimi.
02:20It's hot water.
02:21Oh!
02:23I have found you alone at last.
02:25Yes.
02:26Hold me.
02:27Oh!
02:30Oh, what is it that I feel between us?
02:34It is my birthday present to you.
02:38It is to help you find your way to the broom cupboard in the middle of the night.
02:43As soon as you start flashing, I will find you.
02:48You think of everything.
02:51Oh, René.
02:52Yes?
02:52I must talk to you.
02:53It is about our baby.
02:54I do not want it to be born fatherless.
02:57When are we going to be married?
02:59Keep your voice down.
03:00We cannot hurry these things, Yvette.
03:02We could be married in secret.
03:04Oh, let us go to the priest later and ask him.
03:07I will take a lot of persuading to go to see a priest.
03:10René, if you do not come, I will tell the whole village you are the father of my child.
03:15I am persuaded.
03:16Oh, René.
03:17I knew you would.
03:21René!
03:23What are you doing with that servant girl in your arms?
03:25You stupid.
03:27You stupid woman.
03:29Can you not see this poor child is unwell because of her pregnancy and the impossible strain
03:33of not knowing who the father is?
03:35Yes.
03:37If you go and lie down, Yvette, we will ask Dr. Leconte to give you something when he comes
03:40down.
03:41Oh, thank you, René.
03:44Oh, I am sorry, René.
03:46I did not realize Yvette was ill.
03:48Well, we are all a bit under the weather at the moment.
03:51Well, never mind, René.
03:52You will perk up later.
03:54I have a special birthday surprise for you.
03:58You are not pregnant as well, are you?
04:01No, but I have something which will take you back to your youth.
04:05You have not bought me a toupee, I hope.
04:07No.
04:08But I have something that will help us recapture the joys of our courting days.
04:13Oh, it is hard to remember that once you were a strapping lad of 20 and I was a girlish
04:19sweet 16 in full bloom.
04:22And now we are both overgrown with the weeds of time.
04:27Kiss me like you used to.
04:31Let us turn back the clock.
04:34I will have to do a lot of winding up first.
04:39René!
04:41René, for once you will be glad to see me.
04:44You do not know how right you are, Michel.
04:46We have found Monsieur Alphonse's earth and a radio transmitter in the coffin.
04:50Everything is all right.
04:51But it has been broadcasting a message to me from General de Gaulle.
04:54If the Germans hear that, I will be shocked.
04:55They heard nothing.
04:57My girls have been monitoring the airways.
05:00We will have to make a more powerful battery.
05:02The one in the coffin was too weak to transmit the recording.
05:04Oh, thank God for that.
05:06Oh, René, you are in the clear.
05:08I think perhaps you spoke too soon, Edith.
05:11Good morning.
05:13What shall we do with the kiffin?
05:16You cannot bring that in here.
05:18Oh, René, we have to hide the radio transmitter.
05:20We thought we could put it in your cellar.
05:22It's out of the question.
05:23Well, the Germans sometimes go in my cellar looking for wine.
05:26Well, what about the attic?
05:27They do not go there.
05:28Oh, very well.
05:29But get it up there quickly.
05:30I cannot have a coffin in my cafe.
05:32People will think that food has gone off.
05:35A fine birthday this is turning out to be.
05:38Oh, René, is it your birthday?
05:40Huh?
05:40How old are you?
05:41Oh, I lose track.
05:43Every time you come round, I age ten years.
05:46Is there anything the matter with me?
05:48Oh, you are doing remarkably well for a lady of 94, Madame Fanny.
05:54I am only 87.
05:57You are still doing well.
05:59Let us hope you can keep it up.
06:02Did someone call?
06:03Oh, I'm back to sleep, Ernest.
06:09Well, whatever's the results, I do wish to know as soon as possible.
06:14Oh, naturally.
06:14Finally, bye.
06:29I demand a second opinion.
06:32Get out.
06:33Get out!
06:35Shut up, you old bat.
06:38What is the matter, Fanny?
06:40Oh, look.
06:41They are going to put me in a box.
06:44Just say something, Ernest.
06:48What sort of flowers would you like?
06:50Come on.
06:52Calm yourself.
06:53The company's not for you.
06:55Not yet, anyway.
06:56We will come back and retrieve it when we have made a more powerful battery.
07:00The secret radio station will be back on the air within a very short time.
07:03With luck and good management.
07:06But mostly luck.
07:11Monsieur, help one thing.
07:12Have you got René's birthday present yet?
07:15I will deliver it this afternoon, Madame Edith.
07:18You still want it?
07:19Oh, yes.
07:20We have always wanted a car.
07:23Mama said she would use her savings to get us one years ago, but has only now got around to
07:27it.
07:28Oh, she thinks it is just for me.
07:30But René will be so thrilled.
07:33Edith?
07:33What is going on?
07:35Monsieur Alphonse and I were preparing a surprise for René.
07:38Oh, René.
07:41Splendid.
07:42And make sure you bury him good and deep.
07:50Hi, Hitler.
07:51Hi, Hitler.
07:52Calder.
07:52There has been a major lapse of security.
07:55The Gaussian pay truck has been robbed by none other than the Gestapo.
07:58No.
08:00Can we trust no one?
08:01Fortunately, I apprehended the miscreants at the scene of the crime.
08:06They are currently in the Chateau Dungeons.
08:08Will they be put on trial?
08:09No, they will be shot.
08:11I want security measures tightened throughout the district.
08:14It is particularly important today as the Fuhrer and Field Marshal Goering are visiting our coastal defenses to boost the
08:21morale of the troops.
08:22They will be arriving here shortly.
08:24The Fuhrer and Field Marshal Goering.
08:27I'm arriving here shortly.
08:29Is there an echo in this room?
08:34Actually, between ourselves, it's not really Hitler and Goering.
08:38They are doubles, but they just look like them.
08:40The real Hitler and Goering would not dare to come here.
08:42In case they were assassinated by the resistance.
08:44In case they were assassinated by the Germans.
08:48I'm entertaining them to lunch in my quarters.
08:50You and Gruber are invited, Colonel.
08:52One o'clock on the dot.
08:54Your last request is here.
08:55Did I make a last request?
09:01It is I, Helga.
09:04What are you doing here?
09:05To gain entry, I said you had asked for a woman of easy virtue to share your last hours.
09:09Did I ask for a woman of easy virtue, too?
09:13Silence from Smallhausen that I could share.
09:15Helga, take your ball and stand in your corner.
09:21I had to see you one last time, Heffleck.
09:23To have a final kiss before you are shot.
09:26I am the godson of Heinrich Himmler.
09:28They cannot shoot me.
09:30What was that?
09:32The firing squad are doing target practice, Herr Flake.
09:36Helga, I know all about the robbery of the garrison pay truck.
09:39If you do not get us out of here, I will tell the general that it was the colonel and
09:43lieutenant Gruber who really stole the money.
09:45And you will be implicated, too.
09:48You wouldn't.
09:49He would.
09:51Very well, you leave me no choice.
09:53But may I kiss you anyway?
09:55Of course.
09:56Avert your eyes, von Smallhausen.
10:02Your kiss gives me strength, Heffleck.
10:05I will speak to the colonel about breaking you out of here.
10:08Good.
10:10Make it quick, Helga.
10:11The firing squad are getting better.
10:13They hit the wall that time.
10:28Oh, well, I thought you were not coming.
10:30I cannot stay long, Yvette.
10:32Let us get this over with.
10:33Quickly, before anyone sees us.
10:36Let's go.
10:57What can I do for you?
10:59Father, we have come to confess that we wish to be married.
11:02But that is not a sin, my child.
11:04You have not heard the rest of it.
11:06Tell us more.
11:08I am his child.
11:10Ah, yes.
11:11That does make a difference.
11:12It will not prevent us marrying, will it?
11:14I should think it makes it imperative.
11:17Did you lead this man on in any way?
11:20Perhaps a little bit.
11:22A little bit?
11:23You are very encouraging.
11:25You should not have succumbed, my son.
11:26You should have told the demon last to get behind you.
11:29There was no room.
11:31We were in the room covered.
11:33What is your name, child?
11:34I cannot say.
11:36We wish this to be a secret marriage.
11:38And you, my son?
11:39I wish to remain anonymous, too.
11:42I am officially dead.
11:44It would be very difficult marrying an unknown woman
11:47to a man who is officially dead.
11:49Well, could you not put me down as Miss X
11:51and him as Mr. X?
11:53And we will keep the name of the child also secret.
11:56Why?
11:57I am not going to call my child.
11:58Why?
11:59No, no.
12:00I mean, why should there be all this mystery?
12:03It has to be a secret, Father.
12:05You see, we are both heavily involved in the resistance.
12:07Ah, the resistance.
12:08Yes.
12:09That is a different matter.
12:10I may be able to help you.
12:12Are you sure you truly love each other?
12:15Oh, yes, Father.
12:17Have you known other men?
12:20Four or five.
12:22In your life?
12:24No, a week.
12:26But I do it to support my poor mother.
12:29Very well.
12:30I will try to arrange a secret marriage.
12:32But it is very unusual, so I must consult with the bishop first.
12:35Oh, thank you, Father.
12:37Come back and see me in a week.
12:39In the meantime, you must both say 50 Hail Marys as a penance for your sins.
12:44Yes, Father.
12:50Oh, René.
12:51Only 50 Hail Marys and soon we are going to be married.
12:54Do you not think we got off lightly?
12:56I think that depends on how you look at it, Yvette.
13:02Good morning.
13:04Not you again.
13:05What do you want now?
13:06I have a massage for Michelle.
13:13Listen very carefully.
13:15I shall sue this only wince.
13:18Michelle has discovered that Hotler and Gearing are coming this afternoon to the chateau.
13:29What is this lunatic on about?
13:32He says Hitler and Gearing are coming to the chateau.
13:35No.
13:35Yes.
13:36Michelle has a plin to assassinate them.
13:40I have a clockwork bum in my trousers.
13:49Your personal problems are no concern about it.
13:53He means a clockwork bum.
13:55What?
13:57Do not worry.
13:58It is quite so.
14:00We will attach it to Hotler's car and blee him to smotheroons.
14:06Get that thing out of here.
14:07Are you mad?
14:08We are looking for villain tours.
14:10Hins up if you want to have a goo.
14:13We do not want to have a goo.
14:15It is a suicidal plan, Officer Crabtree.
14:18You will never find anyone stupid enough to carry it out.
14:21I will do it.
14:22There is always one.
14:25I will sacrifice myself to strike a daring blow for the resistance.
14:30I am a true daughter of France.
14:32Brave as a lioness.
14:33Bold as a wolf.
14:35Daft as a brush.
14:39Now, you know what to do, Helga.
14:41Yes, Colonel.
14:42I go to the Chateau Dungeons on the pretext of hearing Herr Flick's confession and giving him this food.
14:47I then give him this stick of dynamite disguised as a knock-first sausage
14:51to enable him to blow the bars off his cell and escape.
14:55I must say it pains me deeply to help that man in this way.
15:00Now, Mr. Colonel, the Fuhrer is expecting us to lunch.
15:04My little tank is outside.
15:07Any chance of a lift?
15:09I am afraid not, Helga.
15:10It is against regulations to give lifts to hitchhiking nuns.
15:15Male chauvinist pig.
15:17Oops.
15:25I'm sorry, well, late, General.
15:27The security around the shadow is unbelievable.
15:30It is necessary to protect our visitors.
15:32Even though they are only doubles, everyone must believe they are the real thing.
15:36Who exactly are they, General?
15:39Hitler is a corporal in the Catering Corps.
15:43The clerk in the Ministry of Defense.
15:45They are having a wash after their journey.
15:48The Fuhrer and Field Marshal Goering.
15:54Hitler!
15:55Hitler!
15:57These are my two senior officers, Colonel Von Strom and Lieutenant Gruber.
16:02Mein Fuhrer.
16:04Pardon?
16:04You will address me at all times as Mein Fuhrer and do not forget it.
16:08Oh, but surely...
16:09They will ask the question!
16:12They are empowered by the Fuhrer himself to give orders to officers of any rank.
16:17Otherwise, we would not be believable as doubles.
16:21I'm sorry, Mein Fuhrer.
16:23Already I am far from impressed with your Garrison General.
16:25Well, these two officers look distinctly sloppy to me.
16:29And you are not much better!
16:31You have all better pull yourselves together or Berlin will hear about it!
16:36Yes, Mein Fuhrer.
16:38Campaign, Herman.
16:41Lead me to it, Adolf!
16:46Who does that jumped-up little corporal think he is?
16:48Hitler?
16:58Ah, good day, sister.
16:59I have brought some food for the two condemned prisoners in the dungeons.
17:04I will have to search your basket.
17:13Not now, aunt, sir!
17:15I can't stay!
17:16Cook will kill me if I don't get these provisions to the kitchen!
17:21Oh, just a quick kiss.
17:23Letter.
17:24I'm off at six.
17:27I'll meet you in the square.
17:31You promise?
17:32Yes.
17:35Well, that seems to be an order, sister.
17:38Do you know your way to the dungeons?
17:39I have visited prisoners here before.
17:42Down the steps, turn left at the bottom, and just follow the rats.
17:50I thought we would inspect the troops at three o'clock, Mein Fuhrer.
17:54We will inspect them when we are ready, and not before.
17:57Of course, Mein Fuhrer.
17:59I want lunch first.
18:02Have some food, Santa.
18:05Immediately, General.
18:08Goober, phone the kitchens for some food for Mein Fuhrer.
18:18This is the General's quarters.
18:20Could you send up lunch for five at once?
18:23Yes.
18:23Is there anything you particularly fancy, Mein Fuhrer?
18:28Yes.
18:29Knockverse sausages, and plenty of them.
18:31Good idea, Adolf.
18:33I fancy a good blowout.
18:40I forgive the prisoners this food, and then take their confession.
18:44Their last visitor was a woman of easy virtue.
18:46They probably have a lot to confess.
18:52Yes.
18:54I've come to get you out, Heflick.
18:57This knockverse sausage is really a stick of dynamite.
19:00Try it to the bars, like the string at one end, and it will blow out the wall.
19:03You have done well, Helga.
19:05I will reward you for this.
19:07Will you allow me to kiss you again, Heflick?
19:09I do not have time.
19:10I do.
19:13Silence, von Smallhausen.
19:14But when we have escaped, Helga, come to my dungeon, and we will see.
19:18Yes, Heflick.
19:19Only do not come dressed as a nun.
19:21I much prefer you as a woman of easy virtue.
19:24That's what they all say, Heflick.
19:29Here are some matches for the dynamite.
19:33Rope?
19:34You are full of surprises.
19:38This one surprised me the most.
19:45We will leave you alone for a time now.
19:47We must go and organize the march pastor troops, mein Fuhrer.
19:51I fancy a little piece of cheese.
20:01Oh, General.
20:03Our spare uniforms are in that case.
20:05See, they are pressed before we leave.
20:08Yes, mein Fuhrer.
20:10Heil Hitler.
20:12Heil Hitler.
20:14Dismissed.
20:22The nerve of the man.
20:24I can't wait to see the back of those two.
20:30I think your wish has come true, General.
20:35Oh, my God.
20:36It must be the resistance.
20:42No one must know about this.
20:44Well, it will not be easy to keep secret, General.
20:48But if the real Fuhrer finds out, he will think we were involved in some plot to blow him up.
20:52But what can we do, General?
20:53Well, you've got two bodies in your quarters.
20:55We will dispose of them later.
20:57More importantly for now, Hitler and Kering must be seen to leave the chateau and the town.
21:01They must not be implicated in his death.
21:03Yes, but how can they be seen to leave the town if they are dead?
21:14There is only one solution.
21:16I think the uniforms will fit.
21:22Mimi, did you manage to put the bomb under Hitler's car?
21:25The shuttle was too heavily guarded.
21:27I could not get near it.
21:29Damn.
21:29Where is the bomb now?
21:31It is strapped to my leg.
21:33Be careful, Mimi.
21:34I am walking very gingerly.
21:39It is them, Hitler and Kering.
21:41They have come to inspect their troops.
21:43Oh, let me see.
21:44There are too many soldiers.
21:45Let us go outside and watch.
21:51Back inside, peasants.
21:52Now is allowed in the spot.
21:55Now is your chance, Mimi.
21:57I will go down to Dwayne in the back garden,
22:00crawl along the sewer,
22:01come up underneath Hitler's car
22:03and plant the bomb.
22:04You are a true heroine of the resistance, Mimi.
22:07Good luck.
22:13How great Mimi is.
22:15She will have to move faster than that
22:17or they will have gone by the time she gets there.
22:25We will take the salute now.
22:36Oh, if only I had a rifle I could end the war here and now.
22:40Do not have any ideas, Michelle.
22:42It is all up to Mimi now.
22:51Oh, look, there is Rene looking out of the window.
22:54I will give him a little treat.
22:59My God, did you see that?
23:01Hitler just gave me a little wave.
23:05That is all I need to be fancied by Hitler.
23:09Bravo!
23:17So was the bomb supposed to blow him up?
23:20Mimi might still have got through.
23:22The bomb is on a timer.
23:24Let's go and see if you can find her.
23:25Right.
23:27Oh, Monsieur Alphonse.
23:29What were you doing in our back passage?
23:31Oh, I had to run through the back streets to get here.
23:34I have the car, madame, and here are the keys.
23:37Oh, thank you, Monsieur Alphonse.
23:39I do it out of love for you.
23:41I'll have the money now.
23:44Where is the car?
23:45I've left it in the square before the soldiers cordoned it off.
23:49Oh, Rene.
23:50Mama and I have bought a special surprise for you.
23:53We have bought Monsieur Alphonse's car for your birthday.
23:57A car?
23:58Oh, Edith.
24:02I do not know what to say.
24:04Oh, it will help us to remember our courting days.
24:08We can go for a spin in the country like we used to.
24:11We only had a horse and cart then.
24:13Oh, this will be much better.
24:15Come outside and see.
24:17Oh.
24:18Close your eyes.
24:20Ah.
24:25Now, close your eyes.
24:30Now, open your eyes.
24:34Is it not a magnificent motor?
24:36Ah, me?
24:37Oh, me.
24:40I shall call for the cash later.
24:46You can drive.
24:50I need it.
25:01Mimi, are you all right?
25:02What happened?
25:03I did it.
25:04I planted the bomb.
25:05The car was directly over the drain.
25:07Well done.
25:08Let us have a drink to celebrate.
25:13Where shall we go?
25:14Down by the river.
25:16Do you remember that time we went there
25:18and lay on the grass under the willow tree?
25:21Oh, let us try and recapture the memory of what happened that day.
25:26Well done.
25:27Oh, we're all right.
25:40Oh.
25:52Have you anything to say, Edith?
25:56Happy birthday, really?