- 11 hours ago
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00:01You may wonder what I am doing driving along in a van dressed as a female flamenco dancer
00:07with boot polish all over my face.
00:09There is, of course, a perfectly simple explanation for this.
00:13The Resistance have decided to set up a secret radio station to undermine the Germans using
00:18wax cylinders to pre-record the programs.
00:22The wax cylinders were dropped by parachute by the British, but unfortunately landed down
00:27the chimney of the chateau.
00:28We had to take the place of a touring Spanish flamenco troupe who were due to perform at
00:35the chateau to get in and to recover the cylinders.
00:39Oh, excuse me a moment.
00:43Oh, I have here one of the cylinders.
00:51Where else could I hide it?
00:54Well done, Lardin.
00:55The Germans did not suspect for a moment we were not real flamenco dancers.
00:59Do you have the wax cylinders?
01:01Yes, here it is.
01:02I had it down my cleavage.
01:04It is still warm.
01:05Where is this other cylinder?
01:07Mimi has it down the front of her dress.
01:09Mimi?
01:10Yes, René?
01:11Give Michel your cylinder before it melts.
01:15It is lucky it did not catch fire.
01:19Oh, what a night.
01:21Did we not perform well, Monsieur?
01:23You are a regular trooper, Madame Idis.
01:25I shall never forget the way you sang and danced.
01:27I do not think the Germans rely on them.
01:29In the chateau, Lieutenant Gruber gave me this photograph on a small piece of canvas.
01:34I think under the misapprehension that I was the real one, Garcia.
01:38What do you think?
01:39It is Lieutenant Gruber holding the portrait of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies by Van Glampoort.
01:45No.
01:45Yes, but that has been missing for two years.
01:48What is Lieutenant Gruber doing with it?
01:49It cannot be the same painting.
01:51But it is, René.
01:52Here, avez-vous...
01:53Monsieur, watch out for the little man!
01:55Ow!
01:58Oh, thank God, René.
02:00We miss you.
02:02Oh, I do not think the Lampos had the same luck.
02:07Good morning, Colonel.
02:09Good morning, Helga.
02:10Did you enjoy the flamenco evening?
02:12Personally, I thought the singing was appalling, and that was the dancing.
02:16I thought some of the Spanish was rather pretty.
02:20Although with the veils, one could only see their eyes.
02:24Fortunately, I was able to give the photograph of the painting to Juan Garcia,
02:28and he will take it to the art expert in Seville to value it.
02:32That is when you'll have to give us back the boobie you cut out of the painting, Helga.
02:35You cannot sell it with a hole in such a prominent place.
02:41You will get your hand on my boobie, then I am sure of getting it cut off the clothing.
02:45And not before.
02:47Helga, I wish you would not meddle.
02:49You should leave things like this to the men.
02:55What the devil is this?
02:56I am Juan.
02:58Juan what?
03:00Juan Garcia, the most famous flamenco guitarist in all of Spain.
03:05I have come for the photograph to take to Seville.
03:08But I gave it to you last night at the Chateau.
03:11I was not there.
03:13My flamenco troupe and I had too much to drink.
03:15We have only just woken up.
03:17Then who were the dancers at the Chateau?
03:19Are you sure it wasn't you?
03:21Of course I'm sure.
03:23Did they dance like this?
03:29I'm sure I would have remembered if they had.
03:33Now I look more closely, colonel.
03:36This is definitely not the man I gave the photograph to.
03:39Oh, but you idiot.
03:41Well, how was I to know he was not the real one?
03:45If it falls into the wrong hands, we will be in deep trouble.
03:48This is what comes of leaving things to the men.
04:08I must talk with you urgently.
04:10What is it now, Michelle?
04:12Listen very carefully.
04:13I shall say this only once.
04:16I will bring the Edison recording machine here this afternoon
04:18and we will pre-record the broadcast for the secret radio station.
04:22I am still worried about that, Michelle.
04:24The Germans are bound to track it down.
04:26I told you before, we will move it around the countryside.
04:29Oh!
04:29The machine will be hidden in Monsieur Alphonse's earth.
04:32He will drive around, transmitting our programs,
04:35and the Germans will suspect nothing.
04:37That is very ingenious, Michelle.
04:39Oh, I wish I had your brains.
04:46Not to mention the rest of her.
04:50This photograph clearly shows that the colonel and lieutenant
04:53have somehow obtained the painting of the fallen Madonna.
04:56But why give the photograph to Monsieur Alphonse?
04:59Because they thought he was Juan Garcia.
05:02We will send a ransom note to the Germans
05:04saying we will post this photograph to the general
05:06unless they pay us 10 million francs.
05:08How ruthless we are!
05:11And now, I must go and prepare for the radio recording.
05:14Hey, what are you doing?
05:16Oh, these are for gargling.
05:17I need to lubricate my tonsils for the broadcast.
05:21You must have very big tonsils.
05:24Dr. LeConte said she had the biggest pair you've ever seen.
05:30So much for the Hippocratic Oath.
05:33The burning question is,
05:36who has the incriminating photo?
05:38It can only have been the resistance, Colonel.
05:42No doubt we shall hear from them soon
05:45in some secret, subtle way.
05:53Sooner than you expected.
05:55And not so subtle.
05:59A ransom note from the resistance.
06:03They demand 10 million francs
06:05or they will send the photograph to General von Klinkerhofen.
06:08This is outrageous.
06:09Don't they know we never give in to blackmail?
06:12But if we do not, Colonel,
06:13we will all be in it up to our necks.
06:16You will, you mean.
06:17I'm not in the photo.
06:22But if I were under pressure,
06:26you wouldn't.
06:27Well, I would hold out
06:29until someone lit a cigarette.
06:31But if they blew the smoke in my face
06:33and gave a sinister laugh,
06:34I could go to pieces.
06:36We cannot possibly raise 10 million francs.
06:40There is one possibility, Colonel.
06:43The Garrison pay truck is making its monthly run
06:47from Edfields this afternoon.
06:49We could ambush it and steal the money.
06:52We could disguise ourselves as members of the resistance
06:54to avoid being recognized
06:55and hold the driver up at gunpoint.
06:58We can't hold up a truck,
06:59just the three of us.
07:01We have a storeroom full of rubber dummies
07:04we were going to drop
07:05to confuse the British when we invaded.
07:08We could dress them up as resistance members
07:11to create the impression of a large ambush.
07:13I don't like it.
07:15Would you prefer a firing squad?
07:20I'm weakening.
07:22We will do it.
07:24Gruber, you get the dummies
07:25and you, Helga, get the costumes.
07:27What will you be doing, Colonel?
07:29Staying here
07:30and writing out my last villain testament.
07:37The preparations for my intimate lunch with Helga
07:40are almost complete.
07:42When she arrives once more,
07:45you will give her this glass of wine
07:47which contains a special Gestapo truth serum
07:50extracted from the female Peruvian inflating marsh frog
07:55which blows itself up at the height of the mating season
07:58to attract a partner.
08:00Yes, Sir Flick.
08:01Under its influence,
08:02Helga will reveal to us
08:04the whereabouts of the painting of the fallen Madonna
08:06which she stole from us.
08:08The omelette is coming along very well, Herr Flick.
08:13Rising.
08:14Rising very quickly, Herr Flick.
08:16Herr Flick.
08:17Herr Flick.
08:18It's going out.
08:19It's going out of control.
08:20Herr Flick.
08:21You will reverse the process
08:23if you beat it with a spoon.
08:25Oh.
08:29You know how to cope with every emergency, have me?
08:33Of course.
08:34Cooey!
08:37I hope I'm not late.
08:39Perfect timing.
08:41Upon Smallhausen,
08:42a glass of wine for Helga.
08:44Please sit.
08:50Drink deeply, my dear.
08:53You are forbidden to see another Peter Lorre film for one month.
08:59Now, perhaps you might tell me why you invited me here, Herr Flick.
09:03Certainly.
09:04You have just drunk a very powerful truth serum
09:07which will take effect in a matter of seconds.
09:10You will go into a trance
09:12and tell me anything I wish to know.
09:14Do not be ridiculous, Herr Flick.
09:16There is no such.
09:18Excellent.
09:19Are you receiving me?
09:21I am yours to command.
09:25Give us a kiss.
09:26Silence, Herr Flick.
09:28You will take notes.
09:30Now, Helga,
09:31where is the painting of the fallen Madonna?
09:34After I stole it from you, Herr Flick,
09:36I gave it to the colonel and Lieutenant Gruber
09:38who are sending a photograph of it to Spain
09:39to be valued by an art expert
09:41with a view to selling it.
09:43She's going too fast for me, Herr Flick.
09:45Jonathan, keep writing.
09:46However, the photograph has fallen into the hands
09:48of the resistance who are blackmailing the colonel
09:50and Lieutenant Gruber for 10 million francs.
09:52They cannot raise the money,
09:52so they intend to disguise themselves as resistance girls
09:54and rob the goddess in pay truck this afternoon.
09:58Did you get all that, von Smallhausen?
10:00I have no more lead in my pencil.
10:04I am relieved to hear it
10:06as you have been pursuing me
10:07for some time against my wishes.
10:09As a result of this information,
10:11we will also disguise ourselves
10:13as resistance members
10:14and catch them red-handed.
10:16Oh, that is brilliant, Herr Flick.
10:18As always.
10:19Now, Helga,
10:21you will come out of your trance
10:23and remember nothing of this conversation.
10:25Yes, Herr Flick.
10:29There may, however, be side effects.
10:31The serum of the inflating marsh frog
10:34is not absolutely foolproof.
10:36When will these side effects begin?
10:42The serum of the spoon.
10:53Please plug in the Edison recording machine.
11:01Good morning.
11:03Good morning.
11:05I hope I'm in tune for the secret recruiting session.
11:09We are just about to begin.
11:11But first,
11:12a special message
11:13from General de Gaulle
11:14for you, René.
11:16René,
11:18your brave deeds
11:19for resistance
11:20will be remembered
11:22by all fronts.
11:24You deserve the middle
11:25and as soon as I am able
11:27I will personally
11:28kiss your cheek
11:30and give you one
11:31and give you one
11:32and give you one
11:34and give you one
11:35and give you one
11:35and...
11:35The needle has stuck.
11:37Never mind.
11:38I got the general idea.
11:40I think he will give me one, too.
11:43I am sure if he is busy
11:44one of the other generals will.
11:47Hey, Jesus!
11:48What is going on?
11:50Why have we been
11:51dragged out of bed like this?
11:53Michelle asked us
11:53to bring you both down.
11:55Everyone has a part
11:56to play in the recording.
11:57What are these?
11:58These are the scripts
11:58for the recording.
12:00We will rehearse them first.
12:01I will get out
12:02my teals of the trode.
12:04What is all that for?
12:06I am deeing the cinder fox
12:07for the rudio broadcast.
12:09We will take it from the top.
12:12This is Radio Free France
12:13calling on all French men
12:15and women
12:15to revolt against
12:16the Nazi oppressors.
12:18I am a fighter
12:19for the resistance.
12:21Fear your nonsense.
12:25It's strong.
12:27I am galloping
12:28around the countryside
12:29to gather support.
12:32Oh, quickly, right.
12:35I stop outside
12:37the house of a peasant.
12:38Me!
12:40I knock them up.
12:42Oh, is this my turn?
12:44Not yet.
12:45No, no, no.
12:51The door opens.
12:57Twice.
13:00Hello?
13:01I am a peasant.
13:03Now it is your turn,
13:04Madam Fennel.
13:06It is your line
13:06next in the script.
13:08Oh, where?
13:08Here.
13:09Oh, no, no, no, no.
13:12I cannot read
13:13without my glasses.
13:15Could we not just
13:16water the horse
13:17while we wait?
13:18This is only a rehearsal.
13:20We will go on
13:21to the second page.
13:22This is you, René.
13:24Oh?
13:24Oh, thank you.
13:26Oh, thank you.
13:27I am Nighthawk,
13:29the hero of the resistance.
13:31I am here
13:31in my secret headquarters
13:33planning to overthrow
13:35the Germans.
13:36I call upon
13:37all true Frenchmen
13:38to rise up behind me.
13:40I am Mrs. Nighthawk
13:42and I second that.
13:45I pour two glasses
13:46of wine
13:47with a steady hand.
13:53I said a glass,
13:55not a pint jug.
13:56We are not alcoholics,
13:57you know.
13:58Siri, Ronnie.
13:59I got carried the woo.
14:02Continue.
14:05Guess what Mrs. Nighthawk
14:06and I are doing now.
14:10Not yet, you idiot.
14:12We are pouring
14:13more glasses
14:14for the brave team
14:15of resistance fighters
14:16whose faces strong
14:18and eager
14:18stretch away
14:19into the darkness
14:20beyond the candlelight.
14:22I've ran out of ween.
14:25Oh, never mind.
14:26Continue.
14:28We are loyal peasant girls.
14:31Brigitte,
14:31Charlotte,
14:32Colette,
14:33Norma,
14:36and Nadine.
14:39And we offer
14:40our services freely
14:41to our leader,
14:42Naito.
14:43We will do
14:44anything, he asks.
14:46Isn't that so?
14:46Brigitte, Charlotte,
14:47Colette,
14:48Norman,
14:48Nadine,
14:48Jacqueline,
14:49Genevieve,
14:49and Gilles?
14:51Yes!
14:53And now
14:54we will
14:55sing the song.
14:56Monsieur Albault,
14:57we will attempt
14:58a trial recording
14:59for volume.
14:59As you wish.
15:03It is ready.
15:05The song is
15:06on the last page.
15:07Monsieur Leclerc,
15:08the music?
15:09Ah!
15:15Everyone ready?
15:18We are
15:19resistance fighters,
15:20happy girls and boys.
15:22We will
15:22friends as German
15:23soldiers throwing stones
15:25and breaking boulders.
15:26We are
15:27resistance fighters,
15:28sign up with us soon.
15:29And hear us on our radio
15:31each Wednesday
15:33afternoon.
15:44Yes,
15:45well,
15:45something like that.
15:46Now,
15:47get back,
15:47Monsieur Albault,
15:48so we can see
15:49if it works.
15:50Michelle,
15:50do you not think
15:51somebody is bound
15:51to recognise
15:52our voices?
15:53Oh,
15:54do not worry.
15:54The Edison
15:55recording machine
15:56is designed
15:56for AC-DC
15:57electric current.
15:58Over here,
15:59the playback
16:00will be distorted
16:01by our DC current.
16:04We are
16:05resistance fighters,
16:06I am a boy.
16:07We are
16:08resistance fighters,
16:09so we can
16:09make it more
16:10than the video.
16:11We are
16:11resistance fighters,
16:12I am a kid of son.
16:13Well,
16:14we certainly
16:14sound more
16:15AC than DC.
16:20Put it up on there.
16:22Ah,
16:22that's better.
16:24Ah,
16:24that should do
16:25the trick.
16:26Now,
16:29the key truck
16:29will turn off
16:31here
16:31and drive
16:32down to this
16:33dead end
16:34where we will
16:34ambush it.
16:35You've thought
16:36of everything.
16:37Yes,
16:37I have,
16:37haven't I?
16:44Now,
16:45let's go and help
16:45give over the
16:46blow-up dummies.
16:46blow-up dummies.
17:15What on earth is
17:17the dummies are all
17:18in place?
17:19I think one of them
17:20has a slow leak.
17:22I was just
17:22topping it up.
17:24They are not
17:24very good quality.
17:26The rubber must have
17:27perished in the
17:28storeroom.
17:29Is the diversion
17:30sign in place,
17:31Colonel?
17:32Just as planned.
17:33The pay truck will be
17:34here any minute.
17:35Come on,
17:36Helga,
17:36we must conceal
17:37the motorcycle
17:37behind the trees.
17:45Let us hope the
17:46pay truck arrives
17:47before we run
17:48out of dummies.
17:54I do not see any
17:55diversion sign,
17:56Herr Fleek.
17:57It must be that
17:58fork at the next
17:58junction.
17:59Live rapidly after
18:00me,
18:01von Smallhausen.
18:28I hear something.
18:30An engine.
18:30It must be the
18:32pay truck.
18:33Now remember,
18:34we are supposed
18:34to be in the
18:35resistance.
18:36We must act like
18:37ruthless desperatoes.
18:39I will do my best.
18:41Don't forget,
18:42the French accent.
19:02good afternoon.
19:04We are sorry to
19:05bother you,
19:06but would you
19:06mind stepping out
19:07for a moment?
19:08We are ambushing
19:09them,
19:10inviting them to
19:11tea.
19:12That's right.
19:13This is a load of
19:14out of the truck,
19:15step on it.
19:17You are completely
19:18surrounded by the
19:19finest marks of
19:20women in the
19:20resistance.
19:22Move!
19:25Give us your guns
19:26and open the doors.
19:32Get the boxes of the
19:34money.
19:35You two get in the back.
19:37Then speak out of you
19:38and we will spray you
19:39with the bullets.
19:45Come along,
19:46Grieber.
19:47Come on,
19:47quick.
19:49I hope
19:49they will be
19:50all right.
19:52To the motorcycle.
19:54Hurry.
19:59I will get quite a taste
20:01for a life of crime.
20:04I hope they are not
20:05going to make a habit
20:06of it.
20:06This suspender belt
20:08is killing me.
20:16This is it,
20:17von Smallhausen.
20:18The ambush place
20:19must be just down here.
20:20We will creep up
20:22on the colonel
20:22and lieutenant Gruber
20:23and arrest them
20:25as they attempt
20:25to rob the truck.
20:35Don't be such a
20:36sissy, Gruber.
20:38What about the blow-up
20:39dummies?
20:39You'll have to
20:40leave them behind.
20:42Now,
20:44drive carefully,
20:45Helga.
20:45I don't wish to
20:46fall off.
20:58Ah,
20:59there is the
20:59pay truck,
21:00von Smallhausen.
21:01we are not too late
21:02after all.
21:10The load is blocked,
21:11General.
21:12We'll follow the
21:13diversions in.
21:21There is no one in it,
21:22Herr Flick.
21:22Just an ambush
21:24with dummies.
21:26And the doors
21:27are still locked.
21:28What does it all mean,
21:30Herr Flick?
21:31I see it all.
21:32Clearly,
21:33the colonel
21:33and lieutenant Gruber
21:35attempted to hold up
21:36the truck.
21:37The guards
21:37repelled them
21:38and chased them
21:39away through the woods.
21:41So the money
21:41is still in the truck.
21:43Of course.
21:44We will drive it
21:45back to our headquarters,
21:47break open the doors,
21:48and appropriate the money
21:50for our own uses.
21:51Oh,
21:52what a genius
21:53you are,
21:54Herr Flick.
21:55That goes without saying.
21:58I will drive,
21:59von Smallhausen.
22:01You cannot reach
22:02the pedals.
22:17What is going on here?
22:19It looks like
22:20the garrison pay truck.
22:27Herr Flick,
22:28what are they doing
22:29here in this pay truck?
22:30Envoy our rubber
22:31invasion dummies
22:32dressed in those ridiculous clothes.
22:34All part of an armed robbery
22:36which we foiled.
22:37We are driving
22:37this truck back
22:38to our headquarters
22:39to fingerprint it
22:41and look for clues.
22:42Why are you dressed
22:43as members of the resistance?
22:45And where are the security guards
22:46from this pay truck?
22:47They are off chasing
22:48the rubber,
22:48Herr General.
22:51What is that noise?
22:53It is coming
22:54from inside
22:55the back of the truck.
23:06Stand back!
23:11What has happened here?
23:12There is the strongbox.
23:13We were held up
23:14by the resistance,
23:14General.
23:16They were dressed
23:16just like those two
23:17beside you.
23:18They are innocent.
23:19Especially me.
23:20I am only a very
23:21junior gestapo officer.
23:24Do you expect me
23:25to believe
23:26this nonsense
23:27about foiling a robbery?
23:28It is too much
23:29of a coincidence.
23:31You dressed
23:31as resistance terrorists.
23:33The guards locked in.
23:34The money gone.
23:35Arrest them!
23:36And take them
23:37to the shuttle
23:37for questioning.
23:38You are making
23:39a big mistake,
23:41General.
23:42Not as big
23:42as the one
23:43you've just made,
23:44Herr Flick.
23:49Arrest that dummy
23:50as well
23:50for insubordination.
23:53It is!
23:55It is!
23:56Oh, I need food!
23:59Oh, when no one
24:01hears the cries
24:02of an audible man!
24:05See if there is
24:06some cheese
24:07left in the trap.
24:09No cheese,
24:10just a mouse.
24:14It is!
24:15It is!
24:20It is all set up.
24:21The Edison
24:22recording machine
24:24is hidden
24:24in the coffin.
24:25It is powered
24:26by the battery
24:26from your old
24:27ice cream van,
24:28monsieur.
24:29My whip
24:29at the front
24:30forms an aerial
24:31to transmit
24:32the broadcast.
24:41Let us hope
24:42the Germans
24:42do not decide
24:43to search the earth.
24:44It is a risk
24:45we must take.
24:46the radio
24:47will be transmitting
24:49while I go
24:49about my business.
24:51It is on.
24:52Go slowly.
24:53It is delicate
24:54equipment.
24:56I always go slowly.
24:58I am an
24:59undertaker.
25:03They are all
25:04out in the square.
25:06No wonder
25:07they cannot hear us.
25:11Pass me
25:11my ear trumpet.
25:13I will try
25:13to attract
25:14this attention.
25:17I will go now.
25:18Remember,
25:19monsieur Alphonse,
25:20do nothing unusual
25:21and no one
25:21will notice you.
25:22RENÉ!
25:26RENÉ!
25:27I think somebody
25:27might have
25:28noticed that.
25:30RENÉ!
25:31You've got
25:31the wrong cylinder!
25:32What?
25:33So what is
25:34on the cylinder
25:34in monsieur Alphonse's
25:35ears?
25:36It is the one
25:36with the message
25:37only for RENÉ
25:37from Genoa des Gaules.
25:40You stupid
25:41woman.
25:42Quick,
25:42follow the third!