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00:01In me, you see a worried man.
00:04Do not be deceived by my happy face.
00:07I am a worried man.
00:09I am not frightened of the Gestapo.
00:11I am not frightened of the Germans.
00:13I am not even frightened of the French resistance.
00:16But my wife scares out of me the living demons.
00:20She is spending my money like water.
00:22This is because, as you will know if you have been paying attention,
00:26I have been shot dead and am now posing as the twin brother of her late husband.
00:32And do you know what most of all makes me worry?
00:36I may have to marry her again to get my finger back in my own till.
00:41Do you know what I am doing with these flowers?
00:43I am going to woo her again.
00:45Because suddenly I have competition.
00:48Apparently every able-bodied man in this village wants to get his hands on my restaurant.
00:51Even if it means marrying the old bat.
00:58Just look. Look at her.
01:00How valuable this property must be.
01:03My God, this is not going to be easy.
01:06I must be money mad.
01:08How much is there in the till?
01:13Well, I suppose it is worth it.
01:15Here goes.
01:17Edith.
01:18Edith, my dear, drop that broom and come over here a moment, will you please?
01:22I have much to do. We will be open soon.
01:24Oh, no, this is more important. Come here, will you?
01:30Well?
01:32I have for you these.
01:34Why don't you put the name water by yourself?
01:37No, my dearest, they are for you.
01:40What have you been up to?
01:41Nothing, my sweet.
01:43Have you been nicking more of my money out of the till?
01:45No, my pet. No, they are for you because I love you.
01:51You have been drinking.
01:53I have never been more sober in my life.
01:56No, do you not remember, Edith? I used to give you flowers when we were courting.
02:00Oh, Renée.
02:02Oh, well, I remember.
02:04You were so romantic.
02:06Always you would give them to me on your knees.
02:09Did I?
02:10And you would swear to me of your undying love.
02:13Well, that is what I am doing now, dear Edith.
02:17Renée, kneel for me once more.
02:26Well, that's my pleasure.
02:27Yes?
02:29I saw you yesterday in the Square.
02:31My compliments?
02:32My card.
02:34Pierre Legron?
02:37Steeplejack.
02:39Oh, you are so kind, but I am afraid you are a little late.
02:42Someone is about to propose to me.
02:44Who?
02:44Me.
02:47Perhaps there is still a chance for me, if you fancy people that size.
02:50she does not fancy people that size but it was most kind of you to offer if you don't ask
03:00you
03:00don't get you see you are only just in time so many suitors let's just drop this charade hmm
03:09let us just announce that we are getting married again then things can be just as
03:13they were before I'm quite happy so many men so many offers I'm quite enjoying myself
03:20I have played the field before I will play it again but Edith that was Nuvian Rangers
03:32not now Maria what does she want well how do I know come on come follow me
03:44Michelle Michelle where are you hiding I am here
03:49now listen very carefully I shall say this only once I have good news I have come here to collect
03:57the British airmen I expect you will be very glad to get rid of them you can say that again
04:02I don't
04:03suppose she will instructions will be sent to you by secret messenger disguised as a simple farm worker
04:13why do I need further instructions I thought this was the end of it all you forget your position your
04:19rumble cafe is the headquarters of the organization to assist escaping airmen to add explosives to pass
04:25messages and to organize sabotage it is all happening here I hope you tell people who want to marry you
04:32the sort of trouble you can get them into it's like getting into bed with a time bomb I have
04:36ended at it
04:37I expected to put them off oh they cannot wait to light the fuse
04:43it is Yvette Maria oh there's nobody here like
04:50shut up you silly old bat do you want to wake up the old neighborhood get them down
05:01I am weak I am feeble I want to see my daughter married before the good lord sends an angel
05:12to take me away
05:15oh my god already they have come for me
05:23I must be more important than I thought why is that one carrying a candle because where you are
05:33going it will be very dark it is the airmen mother read them while you were asleep
05:42oh I'm going mad I am seeing flashing knobs
05:48it is the radio quick
06:05hello hello this is night talk
06:10receiving you loud and not very clear that's your message over
06:15the flashing bed knobs are not reliable get the code book what does that mean
06:22it means we have been trying to get you for three days
06:28my wife's mother does not understand flashing knobs
06:32over hold on while we try to decode your message
06:37to find out what it means
06:38it means my wife's mother is a silly old bat
06:41it does not understand flashing bed knobs
06:43now pass your message over
06:45the young ones will be carried away in a chariot
06:50even in heaven say no about my bad legs
06:55this means the plane is coming tonight to pick up the British airmen
07:01I say chaps there's a plane coming for you tonight
07:03oh wacko
07:04well get a move on it's toodle pip and back to dear old blighty
07:07good chance
07:12hey flick what brings you here
07:15I'm afraid the colonel and the captain are absent
07:18I'm aware of this
07:20I observed their departure through my powerful binoculars
07:24my business is with you and in private
07:28you wish me to kiss you
07:30not on duty thank you
07:33are you sure there is nobody about
07:35certain half-lick
07:38I have something to show you
07:47that was too quick
07:51I will do it more slowly
07:59what did you see
08:02unusually large knuckverse
08:05correct
08:07this one contains the real painting of the fallen madonna by van klomp
08:14this one is the forgery
08:17the other forgery I had destroyed in a very hot furnace
08:21this one the forgery you will give to the colonel von strom
08:25who will send it to the Fuhrer in Berlin
08:28but what if the Fuhrer discovers it's a forgery
08:30then he will have the colonel shot
08:34what about the real one
08:35you will hide it
08:37certainly half-lick but where
08:38you will give it to that cafe owner Rene
08:41tell him to hang it with the other sausages in the kitchen
08:44with the instructions that it belongs to a Herr Flick of the Gestapo
08:47and nobody is to have a nibble
08:51will it be safe?
08:53perfectly
08:54nobody would dare to touch a Gestapo sausage
08:59not of the third sausage
09:02this is our dinner
09:06people consume it tonight in Rene's back room by candlelight
09:10oh Herr Flick it will be so romantic
09:14a candlelit knuckverse
09:17it will be a heady evening
09:21Herr Flick a thought has just occurred to me
09:24how though the French cafe owner
09:26know which is your special Gestapo sausage
09:29containing the painting of the fallen Madonna
09:31one of it a big boobies by vancouver
09:33very simply
09:35upon my special sausage
09:37is a little swastika
09:40I should have guessed
09:41you think of everything
09:46may I kiss you now?
09:49not while you are holding the sausage
09:54I bet
09:56the airmen are they gone?
09:58half an hour ago
09:58good
09:59Michel said she was putting them in a safe place
10:01and my wife where is she?
10:04she is going to parade herself around the town square again
10:07she has not brought yet another new attache
10:10no
10:11Rene
10:12have you told your wife we are going to get married?
10:15not yet Yvette
10:17there are complications you see
10:19well what complications?
10:21well
10:22well it is just possible
10:24I may have to marry Edith again to get my restaurant back
10:27Rene
10:28if you do I will
10:30I will kill myself
10:32I will only marry her for a short time
10:35then I can throttle her or push her off a cliff or something
10:39well why can't you push her off a cliff or something now?
10:44where would I find a cliff in the town square?
10:47but Rene
10:48I love you some
10:50ah! you have got dough on your hands
10:51ah
10:55put on these
11:00oh Rene
11:03kiss me
11:04kiss me
11:05oh
11:09Rene
11:09where are you?
11:12it is Maria
11:12quick she must not catch us
11:14why not?
11:15she might tell my wife
11:16but she is my best friend
11:18oh the more reason why she must not catch us
11:20get back to your bread
11:21Rene
11:22hmm?
11:23Lieutenant Grube is waiting in the bar
11:25he has a present for you
11:26since I have been a single man he always has a present for me
11:36ah Monsieur Rene
11:40I
11:40I have a little luxury for you
11:43it is from gay Paris
11:45where else?
11:48it is a lotion to put on the face after shaving
11:51it's very popular with officers in the tank corps
11:54I expect it makes the tank smell better
11:58there is nothing worse than being squashed up in a hot tiger tank full of soldiers
12:04can you not leave the lid open?
12:06we do but you have to be careful
12:08occasionally the assistants drop hand grenades in
12:11we execute dozens of them but they take no notice
12:15oh
12:16it is very strong
12:18it is better on the skin
12:23hmm
12:24yes
12:25Lily of the valley
12:27with a nint of diesel
12:29oh
12:30my apologies
12:31Tuesday is maintenance day
12:33I
12:34ah
12:35I do not want to be critical
12:36but your lipstick is crooked
12:42Rene
12:44come here we wish to talk to you
12:46of course
12:47yes
12:48sit down and pay attention
12:51right
12:53I
12:54I understand that Helge has explained to you about the sausages
12:57with the paintings inside
12:59shut up Hans
13:00it is confusing enough without you joining in
13:03yes sir
13:04it is Helge explained
13:05now
13:05there is a real knockwurst
13:08a forged knockwurst
13:09and a knockwurst for dinner
13:11yes?
13:12put it in a nutshell
13:13or a sausage skin
13:15yes
13:17we now have all three sausages
13:20yes please
13:20oh
13:23thank you for this
13:25there
13:27ah
13:28now
13:29as I understand it
13:31this is the one containing the real painting
13:33because
13:34it has on it a little swastika
13:36eh?
13:37and now
13:37one of these I cook
13:39and the other one
13:40contains the forged painting
13:41which you are going to send to Hitler
13:43correct?
13:44very nearly
13:46Anna has for us
13:47a most ingenious plan
13:50which is why
13:50we have had to row her in on the action
13:54my plan is as follows
13:56this sausage
13:57you will cook for 22 and a half minutes precisely
14:00otherwise you will ruin it
14:03this sausage
14:04containing the real painting
14:05you will hide in your cellar
14:07upon this sausage
14:08containing the forgery
14:10we will place a little swastika
14:11and you will hang this sausage
14:13in your kitchen
14:14in accordance with
14:15Hareflex's instructions
14:17what are you going to send to Hitler?
14:19ah
14:20that is the clever bit
14:21we are going to send to Hitler
14:22a forged knochwurst
14:26Hans, it is not a forged knochwurst
14:29it is a normal knochwurst
14:32it's a normal knochwurst
14:35and what is Hitler going to say
14:36when he gets a normal knochwurst?
14:39it will never arrive
14:41somebody will tell the resistance
14:43that there are valuable secret military supplies on the train
14:47and the resistance will blow it up
14:50well who is going to tell the resistance
14:52a silly story like that?
14:54the man who was hiding in his cellar
14:56a stolen Gestapo sausage
14:59you cannot expect me to go about telling
15:01don't argue with me
15:02I'll have you shot
15:04but Colonel you cannot have me shot
15:06but I have not done anything
15:06we are sinning the war
15:07I am a German officer
15:08and I can shoot anyone I like
15:15now here go
15:16the stamp
15:24now you will take this one
15:26and hang it in the kitchen
15:27and you will tell them
15:29to cook that one
15:31for 22 and a half minutes
15:32yes, Colonel
15:35René
15:35you will hide this in your cellar
15:38oh, but
15:41it's very lonely
15:42just talking to French girls
15:44by all means, Lieutenant Kruber
15:46I notice
15:47there's a spare seat here
15:48next to René
15:49oh, it is taken
15:50we have finished our business
15:51we have not René
15:52no
15:53Heflick
15:54Heflick of the Gestapo
15:56who else?
15:58good evening, Colonel
15:59Heil Hitler
16:00Heil Hitler
16:01Heil Hitler
16:03have our little foodstuffs
16:05been assigned
16:06to their correct destinations?
16:08yes, Heflick
16:09and the little gift
16:10for the Führer?
16:11that is at the parcel's office
16:13at the station
16:13and we'll leave tomorrow night
16:15for Berlin
16:16good
16:17we have cause for celebration
16:19the Gestapo will buy you wine
16:22a rare occasion, Heflick
16:24it will be on the Gestapo
16:25entertainment allowance
16:28even rarer
16:29sit
16:31and try yourself
16:39Hans
16:39when Heflick comes back
16:41he will sit in that chair
16:42next to me
16:43he must not observe the sausage
16:46take it
16:47but that...
16:49eww
16:50eww
16:52it is cold and clammy
16:54it is cold and clammy
16:55he's coming
16:56but suppose he sees me, did it?
16:58but push it down the table
17:01René
17:01yes
17:03pass this to Lieutenant Gruber
17:05tell him not to say a word
17:19lieutenant Gruber
17:23do not say a word
17:25I beg your pardon?
17:27do not say a word
17:41we must keep this a secret from the Gestapo
17:45you can trust me
17:47you can trust me
17:50shake yourselves
17:54well
17:55as Field Marshal Gruber would have said
17:57bottoms up
17:59bottoms up
18:01bottoms up
18:07Lieutenant Gruber
18:09you are not joining our toast
18:11oh, I am sorry
18:12I was
18:14miles away
18:16where have you been until this time?
18:19money
18:19money, am I late?
18:21oh, as the time has flown
18:22my world has taken on a new magic
18:25the flowers are brighter
18:26the grass is greener
18:28I feel I must sing a song of love
18:30and hope and cheer
18:32take off your hat
18:33and go and do the washing up
18:36what do you want?
18:38oh, patron
18:39I am a simple farmhand
18:41I gave madame a lift
18:43on my tractor
18:45sure
18:45I have for you
18:48a message
18:50come to the bar
18:53well, maybe
18:54for a simple farmhand
18:56you have perhaps
18:57a cognac
18:58if you are a simple farmhand
19:00you have simple tastes
19:01you can have a beer
19:06it is I
19:07LeClaire
19:09well, well
19:11disguised as an idiot
19:14you know
19:15you had me completely
19:16what is that terrible smell?
19:18I have been
19:20spreading
19:20the muck
19:21Michel made him do it
19:23as part of his cover
19:24it is practically
19:25all of his cover
19:27yes
19:32the message
19:34the chariot
19:35will pick up the lovers
19:36tonight at 2
19:38you will be at the cow shed
19:40of Farmer Claude
19:41at 1
19:42remember
19:43to bring
19:44a hurricane
19:45lump
19:48get back to your
19:49dungy
19:49and tell Michel
19:51I am staying here
19:52huh?
19:53what is the matter with you?
19:54you have the guts
19:55of a sparrow
19:56how could I
19:57the widow at 3
19:58marry such a coward
20:00when my husband
20:01died for France
20:02Edith
20:03I think you are getting confused
20:04it was
20:05it was I who died for France
20:07and I do not mean to die for France twice
20:09not in the same year
20:11tell Michel
20:12he will be there
20:13ah
20:14I go
20:26you are not consuming your sausage very quickly
20:30I have never had such a big one before
20:35I stick mine in the pickle
20:37I stick mine in the pickle
20:39I vitalizes it
20:47you are telling me about the interrogation you carried out last week
20:51I have talked enough shop for one night
20:54I think I have also eaten enough knockfast
20:57then René will bring you a doggy bag
21:00but I do not have a doggy
21:03so we will throw it out of my staff car
21:05and let the French peasants fight over it
21:10what fun
21:13they are finished
21:14quick event
21:15get in with the bill
21:20your bill Herr Flick
21:21I will settle it at my Gestapo headquarters
21:24yes Herr Flick
21:26bring it to me yourself
21:28alone
21:30yes Herr Flick
21:33they never do of course
21:36are you ready?
21:38at your command Herr Flick
21:40then we will go home
21:44your place or mine?
21:47you will go to your place
21:48I will go to mine
21:55thank you Herr Flick
21:58thank you Herr Flick
21:59good night Herr Flick
22:02good night
22:02good night
22:05the girls look very cute
22:06in the uniform of French maids
22:08thank you Herr Flick
22:10they are very popular
22:11should you ever require their services
22:14I do my own dusting
22:18good night
22:18good night
22:19good night
22:23good night
22:24not forgetting Himmler
22:25and Goebbels
22:26and Goebbels
22:29quick
22:29lock up
22:30we will leave by the side door
22:32Lock up
22:41it's all clear
22:43follow me
22:44thank you
22:54Give the signal.
22:56What signal?
22:58Toots of the owl.
23:00Idiot, I am a cafe owner.
23:01I do not do impersonations.
23:04Very well, I will do it.
23:08Toots of the owl.
23:11What sort of an arm was that?
23:14Apparently one that is unappreciated by the bird up there.
23:19A critic, perhaps.
23:21What?
23:28Don't move.
23:30I have four baskets with me.
23:32It is hard to get good help these days.
23:36Walk this way.
23:43And the mouth.
23:48What are these for?
23:50These are your covers.
23:52Oh.
23:54Your cover is to be mushroom pickers.
23:56If you are stepped, you are on your way to the fields to pick mushrooms for the restaurant.
24:00Ah, this is a good cover.
24:03The best ones pop up at night.
24:06Give them the guns.
24:10They are loaded, but they are not cucked.
24:16Why do we need guns?
24:18Mushrooms do not fight back.
24:20Even if the Germans find you helping British airmen to escape, you will have to shoot your way out.
24:25Where are the airmen?
24:26They are safely hidden.
24:28They are safely hidden.
24:28Follow me.
24:30Or yet.
24:40Thank you for letting me see you home, Maverick.
24:42Just in time.
24:45The rain is about to commence.
24:47My hair will get wet.
24:50Step forward under the brim of my white gestapo hat.
25:02While I'm here, shall I kiss you?
25:05Well, all right.
25:06Just a quick canoodle.
25:19I find kissing you while the elements are active very exciting.
25:25Of course.
25:34Oh, we are going to get wet.
25:36Fissy.
25:37Hello, me.
25:38Inside.
25:47What are you doing here?
25:52It is I, Leclerc.
25:54I am disguised as a simple milky maid.
25:58You look the same when you were a simple farmhand.
26:01It is the war, Monsieur.
26:02We are very short of staff.
26:04Where are the airmen?
26:06I shall take you to them.
26:09This is Nadia.
26:12This is Claudette.
26:15Here is Sophia.
26:21Bridgette.
26:23This is Light Lieutenant Fairfax.
26:27Fairfax.
26:31What is he doing here?
26:33He is waiting to be milking.
26:36Where is Costas?
26:36I am in charge of the canteen.
26:39I am in charge of the canteen.
26:40This is.
26:42The auto seems a bit small.
26:44That is what happened to my washing up gloves.
26:47I don't mind my asking, what are we all doing here?
26:50The plan is due in ten minutes.
26:52It will land the other side of the woods across the road.
26:55The road is controlled by the Germans.
26:57Should we encounter them, they will not suspect six mushroom pickers and an herd of cows.
27:03But, are you trying to tell me that the Germans will not suspect that cow?
27:09Not when he is mixed amongst the others?
27:11Monsieur Leclerc, it is time.
27:13You and the farmer must lead out the cows.
27:15Immediately.
27:33What is going on?
27:35It is jolly hard to see.
27:37Use your nose.
27:40What do we do now?
27:42We go to the fields to pick mushrooms.
27:45Which way is the field?
27:46Follow the cows.
27:50Look Edith, I have already found a mushroom.
27:54That is a turd stall.
28:06I say, Fairfax.
28:08What's the matter?
28:09I have just trodden in something.
28:12Well, it has nothing to do with me.
28:14It has nothing to do with me.
28:14Ooh!
28:14Yeah!