- 21 hours ago
Follow our channel for more car crazed mayhem. Alot more episodes to come that you don't want to miss. Like our videos and share with other car lovers!!
Thank you for supporting our channel
Thank you for supporting our channel
Category
🚗
MotorTranscript
00:01So, the Winter Olympics are being held in Italy, which, when you look at the place, seems to be a bit too... warm.
00:17That's why we're in Norway, a proper winter country.
00:21And we've got some proper winter sports lined up for you.
00:24So, welcome then, to the Top Gear Winter Olympics.
00:30It's the Winter Olympics. Speed it up a bit.
00:49Right, we'll begin with the biathlon.
00:51Now, normally, this is a combination of skiing and shooting.
00:55But since this is Top Gear, we'll be driving and shooting.
01:00Let's start by meeting the contestants.
01:06I shall be using this, the new Audi Q7.
01:11Audi's first attempt to make a school run 4x4.
01:15You see, the Q7 is based loosely on the Porsche Cayenne, but with all the really hardcore off-road stuff taken out.
01:27So, it's a bit like having your big snow boots made by that Jimmy Shoes bloke.
01:32It's a full 3 inches longer than a Land Rover Discovery, and it's a full 3% uglier than a Troll.
01:42But there are some good things about it.
01:45It has a very, very good V6 3 litre diesel engine, an excellent gearbox, and, most importantly, it has seven seats.
01:55And the price for this? The 3 litre diesel SE? Just under £40,000.
02:00Very good. The second sort of semi-off-roader for families.
02:08But what's the point of being second? That's like driving around in Buzz Aldrin.
02:12I'd much rather have Neil Armstrong.
02:15So, here he is, the car I'll be using as I bid for Olympic gold.
02:22It's the Volvo Hexie 90.
02:26This was the first seven seat 4x4 designed by someone who had children,
02:31not by an engineer who'd read about them in a book.
02:36It's a brilliant car. It really is.
02:39It's not mumsy. It's not gittish.
02:42It's like the family pet. It's like having a faithful old Labrador.
02:48There's more, too. It's got a smooth new diesel engine.
02:52It's more spacious than the Audi, and it's £4,000 cheaper.
02:59So, which is best? The Labrador or Buzz Aldrin?
03:04Well, that's what we're going to find out in our biathlon.
03:07The rules are very simple.
03:10We drive three kilometres around the course, stop, shoot at five targets,
03:14and there's a five-second time penalty for every miss.
03:17Yeah, then we do another three kilometres on another course,
03:20come back here, shoot at the targets again,
03:22this time lying down in the back of the cars,
03:24then it's a sprint to the finish.
03:26The winner, that'll be me, gets gold,
03:29and the loser gets to eat some golden snow.
03:41Come on!
03:43James grabbed an early lead in his more powerful Audi.
03:46Whoa!
03:51And in my enthusiasm to catch him up...
03:53Freeze!
03:57Oh, ****!
04:01I love the Winter Olympics, me.
04:03He would, because Captain Slow was now well ahead.
04:08I don't want to eat golden snow!
04:10Yeah, it's bumpy!
04:21By athletes, I need to eat 6,000 calories a day.
04:256,000!
04:26That's the equivalent of two pounds of butter,
04:2970 slices of bread, 112 eggs,
04:3386 tubs of yoghurt,
04:3628 potatoes,
04:38117 biscuits,
04:40and 21 Twix bars.
04:43On that basis, I could be an Olympic biathlete.
04:50Thanks to my off, James had already arrived at the Shooting Rangers.
04:57Magazine in.
04:59Now, your real biathlete arrives here,
05:01with his heart doing about 180 beats per minute,
05:04and he has to time this with his heartbeat,
05:06and he's breathing.
05:15Shooting range!
05:21Five out of five to beat, Volvo man!
05:24I don't care about his score,
05:27because not only is he using the wrong car,
05:29he's using the wrong gun.
05:322.2's alright when you're nine,
05:33but when you're in a hurry,
05:34you need one of these.
05:35A Heckler & Cock MP5 machine pistol.
05:39OK, fully automatic.
05:42Eat lead!
05:44Olympic target.
05:53Oh, yeah.
05:57Staggeringly, I've missed the lot.
06:00So that was a five-second penalty for each one.
06:04Oh, 25 seconds is a week!
06:11Nice sideways there.
06:16OK, I'm about a minute behind Captain Slow,
06:17there's a lot of time to be made up.
06:20Power!
06:22Come on!
06:24The diesel, of course, is excellent for off-roading.
06:27As we're demonstrating,
06:28I want to turn this one in really tight.
06:29Give it a bit of boot.
06:34Environmentalists say that when the Gulfstream stops,
06:36Britain will look like this.
06:38Bring it on!
06:41With Clarkson nowhere in sight,
06:42I arrived back at the rifle range,
06:45and this time we had to fire lying down from inside the car,
06:49which meant dropping the rear seats.
06:51What are we doing here?
06:55Right, headrest.
06:56Out, down.
06:58That's it.
07:00In the Q7, it was a doddle.
07:02I press that.
07:03That's it.
07:06Take cover.
07:10Come on!
07:12Oh, cock!
07:18I've missed a couple.
07:19Oh, mate, you're in the middle of the road!
07:25Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
07:28Just no stop beeping, ya horn!
07:33Did you miss any?
07:35Good, you did the penalty bin.
07:36Right.
07:37Seat's down.
07:39Now, the good thing is,
07:42I actually have one of these cars at home.
07:45Why does that go down?
07:48That's not it.
07:49That's not it.
07:55I'm stuck.
07:57How can I not know?
07:59I'm gonna have to phone my wife.
08:02Hi, darling.
08:03No, I know.
08:04I've pulled the handle.
08:06Oh, the what?
08:07There's...
08:08OK, thanks.
08:09Aha!
08:10Go on!
08:11It's flat enough!
08:12Lower that.
08:14There we go.
08:16Of course, the great thing about Jeremy's shooting is that you are perfectly safe, just as long as you stand right in front of the target.
08:23Actually, I'd learned my lesson, and I wasn't gonna miss this time.
08:26This time.
08:44So with James thundering along, I was back in the penalty box.
08:48Stevie Wonder could have done better!
08:52Bit of air!
08:55That's...
08:56Oi!
08:57That's excellent!
08:59But then James stopped thundering and started crashing.
09:03God.
09:05Burn off!
09:07James is off!
09:09James is off!
09:10Yes!
09:11I mean...
09:12No!
09:13Oh, no!
09:14Oh, poor James!
09:15Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
09:26Never has a Volvo been driven like this before.
09:32That's him!
09:33That's James!
09:34Come on, let me catch him!
09:46Sod off, Clarkson!
09:48We are neck and neck as we're coming to the finish!
09:54No, he's getting ahead!
09:56He's on the outside, this is looking good!
09:59Oh!
10:02Oh, that's a mistake!
10:03Come on!
10:05Up the stair!
10:06Oh!
10:07He's coming through!
10:09Come on!
10:10Come on!
10:11Yes!
10:12Oh, no!
10:14No!
10:15Yes!
10:16Yes!
10:17I've won a Top Gear event!
10:19Yes!
10:20So, that's 1-0 to Captain Slow, despite what we both thought was rather a poor car.
10:32Not only is it ugly, but the air suspension is too complicated and the seat layout is all wrong.
10:40Still, it didn't change the outcome.
10:44You are kidding.
10:47It's your rules!
10:53Oh!
10:56I wish I hadn't used a machine gun.
10:59Well, quite.
11:00What were you drinking up?
11:03Anyway, you've probably noticed that TV's Richard Hammond isn't with us today, and that's because he's currently appearing on commercial daytime television.
11:11Yes, he is. He's on live every afternoon, filling Paul O'Grady's slot.
11:17I just realised what I said.
11:19I know!
11:21Anyway, the thing is, before we started entertaining the unemployed and the elderly, we gave him a taste of what life would be like out here.
11:28Yes, in Nanita, actually.
11:32This is the Motor Industry Research Association.
11:36Here, cars are tested to destruction.
11:40And, in this chamber, they can recreate the freezing temperatures at the North Pole.
11:46It's the perfect place for a Top Gear experiment.
11:53Namely, who breaks first in extreme cold? Car or man?
11:58The car we've chosen is a Citroen C1, one of the most basic vehicles you can buy.
12:10And the man it's going up against is also pretty basic.
12:14Me.
12:15Oh, good.
12:18According to a Top Frostbite boffin, the experience would not be pleasant.
12:24Sort of minus 30, you're going to be in a lot of trouble if you're still in the car.
12:28Ice crystals start to form in the tissues of your skin, will puncture the cells, and they'll stay frozen.
12:34Your fingers are going to swell.
12:35Anything else that's got frostbite, particularly in manhood, might swell up a little blister.
12:40It'll be very, very uncomfortable, and eventually probably drop off.
12:43Drop off.
12:44Drop off.
12:48In order to protect me and my manhood, I was covered in temperature sensors.
12:53To be on the safe side, there needs to be an actual thermometer in me.
12:58And this doesn't go in my mouth.
13:00The car got slightly more dignified treatment.
13:06And finally, with me wearing just a scarf and a woolly pulley, we were both ready for the big freeze.
13:13Sir, well, they were a bit worried my nose might drop off.
13:17So they have to monitor the temperature with that.
13:20It's all right, you'll get used to it. You won't even notice it.
13:22The temperature was a mere minus three, so the evil boffins activated an 80-mile-an-hour arctic wind.
13:33The bottle is heating up. Well, no, it's cooling down. You know, it's...
13:41And we're turning the ignition on, everything works.
13:44So far, I'd say we're evil. We're both just hanging on in there.
13:47The C1 comes with a little socket, and you can plug in your iPod.
13:51And the officer very kindly provided me one.
13:54They've put some music on it, so I don't know what we've got.
13:56I'd been in the wind tunnel for over an hour now, and it was almost minus 23 in the car.
14:02I'd been in the wind tunnel for over an hour now, and it was almost minus 23 in the car.
14:19In the engine bay, it was closer to a much toastier minus 17 degrees, so surely the engine would start.
14:37Battery works.
14:42Come on.
14:43I'm giving you your best chance. Come on!
14:49But there was no pulse.
14:52You are out!
14:54So, I'd already beaten the engine.
14:58The reason was I was running on blood, but the car was running on diesel.
15:02This is a little beaker of diesel, and look, it's gone loopy and solid because it's so cold.
15:10But the contest wasn't over.
15:13This was a battle to the finish, and the C1's electrics were still going.
15:18However, the boffins were now starting to get worried about my falling skin temperature.
15:23How's your nose getting on? All your tackle okay? Still intact?
15:27Assumably.
15:29It's minus 26 in here now.
15:33I wonder if the car battery still works.
15:35Give it a shot.
15:37Yeah.
15:40Gearbox oil, it's all frozen up.
15:44Try the R-Pod.
15:46I got my first real six string.
15:51Roll it at the five and done.
15:54Hated till my fingers bled.
15:58Was it summer of 69?
16:01Me and some guys from school.
16:11The evil boffins reactivated the Arctic wind,
16:14and the temperature plummeted to minus 40 degrees centigrade.
16:22Amazingly, the electrics still worked.
16:25Just.
16:27I was now in the frostbite zone and close to cracking.
16:30My brain was so fuddled.
16:32Here's to daylight paper.
16:35It had trouble tackling a simple 11 plus test.
16:39Boot.
16:40What?
16:47The boffins were gonna have to pull me out.
16:50But would the car crack first?
16:52Right, here we go.
16:53Oh.
16:56Oh.
16:58It's, er...
17:01I've had it.
17:04Nobody can deny.
17:06It hung on in there.
17:07It never claimed to be a polar exploration vehicle.
17:09It's a tiny little cheap supermini.
17:12It did incredibly well, but in the end...
17:14I was better.
17:20So there you are.
17:21If you want to drive to the North Pole, buy a Hammond.
17:25Yes.
17:28It was amazing, wasn't it?
17:29Yeah, incredible.
17:30Mind you, you see how many clothes he was wearing?
17:32It must have been absolutely freezing in there.
17:36Either that, or he was a big girl's blouse.
17:40Yeah.
17:42Anyway, time for our next event.
17:51This is speed skating.
17:54Which, in the proper Olympics, involves a lot of men in condoms slithering about.
18:04In a race, their hearts beat 200 times a minute, and it's all jolly exciting.
18:10But we think we could do better.
18:14This is our ice skate.
18:17The brand new Jaguar XK8.
18:19And this is Tourville.
18:28What the older, fatter Tourville is going to be doing is racing this fellow.
18:34That is Eskel Ervik.
18:37And he's the world record holder for the 1500m skating quickly thing.
18:43Right, it's a 1500m race, three laps.
18:49And they're off.
18:51Well, he is anyway.
18:57That didn't go well.
19:02Now, oh, that's, that's extraordinary.
19:05There's no grip at all here.
19:09No braking, and no real steering.
19:11A bit of a slip from Tourville there.
19:21Here comes May.
19:23I think he's gaining on you.
19:24The skater was hitting 40mph through the bends.
19:42Jeremy was barely touching fourth.
19:44I don't think this is going to make it as an Olympic sport.
19:57You could slow down a ruddy funeral at this rate.
20:00I'm going this fast.
20:04This is so irritating having a man keeping up with me.
20:11It just got past me again.
20:14It's just toying with me now, look at him.
20:15No!
20:16I suspect it was my driving that let the Jag down there, because on the face of it...
20:17...this does seem to be quite a car.
20:18I suspect it was my driving that let the Jag down there, because on the face of it...
20:20...this does seem to be quite a car.
20:22Obviously, on the verge of a car, I've been missing a lot.
20:24It's just toying with me now, look at him.
20:26I suspect it was my driving that let the Jag down there, because on the face of it...
20:31...this does seem to be quite a car.
20:46car. Obviously, on snowy roads like these, I can't possibly do a proper road test, so
20:54we'll do that back in Britain in the spring. But there are some things that I can tell
21:00you now. For instance, it's faster and has two more seats than the new baby Aston. But
21:12it costs £15,000 less. Oh sure, the Aston's a beautiful looking car, but this isn't what
21:21you'd call a mirror, is it? It was designed by the same man who did the Aston. And if
21:31you think it's beautiful on the outside, wait till you see the interior. Old Jags were all
21:41full of wood and pipe tobacco. It was like being inside James May. But this one, it's
21:48like being inside James Kirk.
21:50James Kirk. It really is a starship in here. And it goes like one too. It really is very
22:09quick. Or it would be if I had a bit more space to play with. You could have so much
22:15fun on this road. Followed by such an enormous accident.
22:20James Kirk. So, because it was going dark, which it does every 15 seconds in Norway, I went
22:31back to meet James at the hotel. To make a plan for the next Top Gear Winter Olympic event.
22:39James Kirk.
22:46James Kirk.
22:47James Kirk.
22:48James Kirk.
22:49James Kirk.
22:50James Kirk.
22:51James Kirk.
22:52James Kirk.
22:53You know that Jack, you know it wasn't very good at speed skating?
22:55No.
22:56James Kirk.
22:57Well I was wondering how would it be, like, off road slalom speed dance skating?
23:03in well jeremy i've no idea because there's no such thing but it's just thought of it what you
23:09need okay great no honestly get a great big open area well frozen lake perfect and then carve a
23:15sort of course in it and then you drive around it yeah but what you want then is a four-wheel drive
23:21car you don't yes you do think about it the lake doesn't freeze like that does it freezes level
23:27there's nothing to do with hills you need four-wheel drive four-wheel drive will give you
23:31control in slippery corners that's what it's for that's why rally cars are four-wheel drive you need
23:36four-wheel drive no you won't you will you won't and in in the morning after we've had a million
23:40more beers i'm going to prove it to you fine you just wait we've got a long time to wait till morning
23:53sometime the next afternoon it was morning and we found the perfect frozen lake james also found his
24:00perfect car the four-wheel drive land rover discovery right i'm going to build a track and
24:09this is what i've got in mind it's going to start with a long sweeping curve where jeremy will get
24:15carried away and apply the power and then it will come down to a straight where there will be a series
24:20of tightening s's where jeremy will crash if he hasn't already then there's going to be another sweeping
24:26curve and over the other side there's going to be another series of tightening s's and then finally
24:31it will come back and join the big curve again
24:37very good but what james hadn't realized was that the ice might not be thick enough
24:42for his big land rover so at this point it is
24:46that thick yes do people fall through the ice in norway on lakes yes often two last week two last
24:58week yes and are they dead quite dead
25:05and james would be competing in a car that weighs nearly three tons
25:10whereas my jag was sitting as you can see from its satellite navigation screen
25:19right in the middle of the lake no problem at all because it's made from aluminium and therefore weighs
25:26about three ounces
25:34unaware of the problem bob the builder was busy with a tractor carving out a course
25:42pretty cutting day onto the five foot thick ice
25:47and while he did that i went for a sneaky practice in my two-wheel drive jack
25:52i'm alarmingly out of control here
26:12here's mr may
26:14you know in real ice skating people people sort of do this yeah and that yeah and this yeah
26:20you know what you're doing what you're going to get hands on ice cream
26:25like that finally our off-road speed dance men's women's no hill two-wheel drive challenge
26:36slalom was ready good track that james not bad is it so you ready yeah i'll have a go
26:43how thick's the ice oh you'll be fine seriously yeah
26:51and we're off
26:58nice bit of drift there and flick it the other way
27:04this is the best way to get the power of a bpa down onto the ice it's with four-wheel drive
27:09intelligent differentials intelligent traction control not just booting it and shouting
27:18you just don't need four-wheel drive out here you just don't need it
27:27oh yes
27:33i thought i heard the ice crack
27:34i'm reckoning on jeremy not even being able to face the correct direction of this he'll just go
27:41round and round in little circles
27:42oh
27:49what a drift
27:50very safe very steady and it took him two minutes three seconds pathetic rubbish man
28:02you're hardly moving rubbish i was going at a good consistent speed and in control which is the point
28:08i'm trying to make you were barely moving movements nonsense the other disappointment is that you
28:13didn't actually fall through the ice because do you know how thick it is four feet about five inches
28:19you're kidding well it's about five inches so how would the rear-wheel drive jag get on
28:32oh yeah with all this space it was so much easier and faster than it had been either on the ice rink
28:38or on the road sideways and controlled
28:42that's a pirouette that is a nice dancing circles
28:58this is rubbish
29:03work a bit harder here don't be lazy come on
29:05come on get in get in nosey give me some front end grip now
29:23it's good
29:30it's bad
29:35i want one of these cars no wait i want one of these lakes
29:57the final big sweeping corner they're looking i know from something elegant something pretty
30:05i don't want one of these cars
30:13james very good i won what do you mean you won i won no come on i went around there in two minutes
30:20three seconds you were actually 30 seconds behind when you crashed look ice dancing is not against the
30:26clock it's about poise and delicacy and beauty and i was much more beautiful than you
30:31yes but this is against the clock and it proves that four-wheel drive has thrashed two-wheel drives
30:37that's the end of it that was my victory it's going dark so we don't have any more time to argue
30:43okay and the thing is that before he became mired in a world of amusing shaped vegetables richard hammond
30:49came to norway with james for a race yes and we thought we'd show it to you again
30:54now just before go and get your discovery because i need to pull this out can i show you something
31:00first what since you were talking about richard hammond your car's had its teeth whitened
31:10lily hammer has one of the most formidable bobsleigh runs in the world the downhill course of twists and
31:17turns stretches for almost two kilometers
31:31even so a crack bobsleigh team can get down this run in just under a minute with the bobsleigh itself
31:37hitting 80 miles an hour that speed comes at a price for the passengers though because each member of the
31:43bobsleigh team is subjected to cornering forces of 5g that's more than an f1 driver suffers honestly
31:51to do this you'd have to be brave stupid or just desperate to get on the television so this is where
31:57i'll be sitting here in the middle and to make things even more arduous we're gonna have a race
32:05now we've come to lily hammer because alongside the bobsleigh run we have this road they start in
32:10the same place they run down the hill and they finish in the same place the road is almost exactly
32:16the same length as the bob run and like the bob run it's slippery dangerous and full of difficult corners
32:24it requires a special vehicle
32:32so that's what we've got it's a mitsubishi evo world rally car with a 300 horsepower turbocharged
32:38engine four-wheel drive and studied tyres so that's the challenge can the rally car beat the bobsleigh
32:46i happen to think it can although hammond tells me it definitely can't now this is my bobsleigh run it
32:53starts out it wiggles all the way down here and it finishes there and this is the road which is in
32:58green and it starts here and it wiggles all the way up there but it finishes in exactly the same place
33:02yes but here's a point my bobsleigh can get from there all the way down to there in less than a minute
33:08you've had it but you see all you've got to take you from there to there is gravity yes that's
33:12nothing well i've got 300 horsepower and a huge turbocharger and 420 spikes in each tyre and gravity
33:20yes to get down there but my bobsleigh was custom built for going on ice your car has had to be
33:25sort of adapted with clever tyres and stuff you're wearing tights i am i can't take lectures on physics
33:30from a man in tights i am aware dancing yes physics no
33:36the truth is though the bob is going to be hard to beat which kind of counts me out for driving the car
33:46so instead we've got henning solberg the norwegian national rally champion
33:50the bobsleigh's chance of victory all depends on how good our start is
33:58that means intense preparation for me and the norwegian olympic bobsleigh team
34:05and while we practice running the driver visualizes the course in his head
34:10all of this provided much merriment for the bone idol may are you warming up yes i'm warming up as well
34:23to be honest i couldn't see the funny side of it because i was really worried about letting the team
34:28down any time you lose here a second is multiplied by three at the bottom so that'll be three seconds and
34:37i was also worried about whether my body would cope key thing is as you go into the corners to hold
34:42your breath to get as much breath in as you can because that actually holds your body up it literally
34:47supports you when you've been subjected to g-forces in the corners apparently in a couple of places down
34:51there it hits six and a half g driver told me he's been doing this six years and he's three centimeters
34:57shorter i can't afford to lose three centimeters
35:01james was strapped in and i was ready to run
35:12our race rally driver could hardly speak any english but that didn't stop james giving him a
35:17patronizing british pep talk right oh henning it's the reputation of internal combustion resting on your
35:24shoulders at the next minute or so i was going to time the car with my trusty stopwatch and hammond's bob
35:35would be timed by the course officials this was it
35:49one of the three
35:53two kilometers on ice in a minute boy has henning got it all to do
36:09Two kilometres on ice in a minute.
36:15Boy, has Henning got it all to do.
36:18That's a lot. That's my head.
36:24The bob may have started slow, but it was just getting faster and faster.
36:28And these guys never use the brakes.
36:34There's a complex coming in.
36:36Oh, that's one. And there's another.
36:40At midpoint, 1,000 metres in, it was anybody's guess.
36:46You're aiming at the bridge, man.
36:52I'm trying to suck it here.
36:54I'm banging my head.
37:06Henning was just awesome.
37:17You can't go this fast on ice.
37:20Oh, f***.
37:22He hit the side. He's going to kill us.
37:25I don't want to die in tight.
37:3159, 68.
37:50Did we win?
37:51What did he do?
37:54Excuse me.
37:55I'm broken.
37:59What have you done here?
38:0059, 68.
38:02Come on.
38:03Come on, come on.
38:05One minute, two seconds, 24.
38:07We won!
38:10Hey!
38:11Good boys!
38:13I didn't slow you up too much.
38:15That was fantastic.
38:15Yeah.
38:16You did it.
38:17That really was something.
38:19Awesome.
38:20Yes!
38:25Right.
38:25That was last year.
38:27This is now, and I have some good news.
38:29It's the weekend, and Richard Hammond has therefore been able to escape from his world of amusingly shaped potato crisps.
38:36And he's here!
38:39Up until now, Suzuki has been well known for making small Jeeps and our reasonably priced car.
38:46Everything else they've made is about as interesting as that pine tree.
38:51Well, no, maybe that one, that one, that one, in the middle there.
38:57But now, out of nowhere, they've come up with this, the new Swift.
39:02And I do mean out of nowhere.
39:05Just, just look at it.
39:06When this thing drives past, you really are going to give it a second glance, aren't you?
39:10It costs less than eight grand.
39:14And yet, for that, you get a perky 1.3-litre engine, CD player, electric mirrors, tinted glass, and some airbags.
39:25It does just about the cleverest thing a small car can do, which is not feel like a small car.
39:31It feels big and solid.
39:33And it feels grown up.
39:34Which, considering what we're about to do with it, is a good thing.
39:38You see, the last time we tested a small car, we ended up playing football with ten of them.
39:50They were Toyota Igo's, and frankly, it all got a bit messy.
39:55Thing is, it is a bit nippy for football in these conditions.
40:01But don't despair.
40:08Because we can do this.
40:15I declare the top gear Winter Olympics Suzuki Swift Car Ice Hockey.
40:21Shack.
40:23Open.
40:23Yes, this is the pitch.
40:30And these are the players.
40:32Ten Suzuki Swifts, making it five a side.
40:36All piloted by local rally drivers.
40:39James and I would be team captains, and Jeremy, the ref.
40:43Look, it's not difficult.
40:45Ice hockey is basically the most violent sport in the world, bar none.
40:50So...
40:50So, if you bite James...
40:53Oh, yeah, no, that's...
40:53I mean, if it gets really...
40:54If there is a death, then you have to put somebody in the scene.
40:58And that's when I blow my horn.
41:00Yes, if it all gets really nasty.
41:01If I have to stop the game and blow this...
41:03Yes, that's it.
41:04So it's easy.
41:05Just, you...
41:06The ends come off.
41:09With the stands packed to the rafters, and the giant puck in place, we were ready for the off.
41:16OK, the blue team captained by Captain Slow.
41:19That's primetime television.
41:20The red team captained by Richard Phillips, Schofield Hammond.
41:25That's daytime television.
41:27We're ready.
41:33Within a minute, daytime TV score.
41:51Is it a goal in ice hockey?
41:54Yeah.
41:54Yeah.
41:54Now, there were a lot of crashes when we did this with the I-Ghost playing football.
42:06I think by putting it on ice, we've made it a lot, a lot safer.
42:17Despite my best football clichés...
42:20Oh, he's up like a salmon.
42:22We're on the clear run to the goal.
42:23It's the old one, too.
42:25Team primetime were all over the place.
42:28It's gone wild.
42:31Meanwhile, daytime TV were on fire.
42:34And despite an obviously biased ref...
42:37Go on, James!
42:38Go on, man!
42:39You've got it!
42:42We backed home goal two.
42:44Goal!
42:46And goal three.
42:48In quick succession.
42:50Who's primetime now, then, boys?
42:52Yes, my team were being trounced.
42:56And when we finally did score...
42:58Guess who was otherwise engaged?
43:03Oh, bloody hell.
43:04Yes, all in all, the ref's grasp of the game was poor.
43:08Oh!
43:09Why has that happened?
43:11Yeah, well, that's...
43:11And why haven't you scored?
43:13We have scored.
43:15Well, I haven't seen it.
43:16No, we just scored then.
43:17Who's the referee?
43:19I fell over a bit.
43:20Did you?
43:20You missed the goal.
43:21I missed the goal.
43:22It's not declared.
43:23It's not a goal.
43:23Are you prepared to accept my word as a primetime television presenter that we scored a superb goal?
43:27Yes, I am.
43:28Good, thank you, ref.
43:28I didn't actually see it.
43:29Oh, come on!
43:31Daytime was still two goals ahead, though, and the ref didn't like that.
43:35Watch it!
43:37It's in the middle.
43:42James took immediate advantage.
43:44Come on, boys!
43:46Three, three, three.
43:47That's him!
43:50That's lovely!
43:52Great, isn't it?
43:53Give him a megaphone.
43:54He's happy.
43:57Come on, Bjorn and Bjorn!
44:01But moments later, James crashed into his own man, leaving his goal mouth wide open for me.
44:07Yeah!
44:12Ooh!
44:12After that, the match really hotted up.
44:20For most people, that is.
44:22Ooh, you've got a beer.
44:23Ooh!
44:28Ooh!
44:32Ooh!
44:33Ooh!
44:36Ooh!
44:40Oh, no, it's not Hammond!
44:41Let him help, James.
44:43Still another goal for daytime, making the score...
44:47Er, that is now five, two, three, one...
44:52What is it?
44:56As the game entered its final stages, the violence reached proper ice hockey levels.
45:03That's my own bloke, but never mind.
45:05These are proving themselves to be tough little cars, the script, I must say.
45:09Oh, yes.
45:12Side down!
45:15That could be where he battles itself.
45:17Thank you, guys.
45:18Do you have any vacuum cleaner?
45:20A vacuum cleaner?
45:21Yes, looking to see it.
45:23Does Top Gear have a vacuum cleaner?
45:26No!
45:27Red 2 was out of action, but my joy was short-lived.
45:30There is a spare car. We're writing number two on it.
45:35As we speak, I'll be back in business with 90 seconds of play left.
45:38Whose side are you on?
45:39I am totally impartial. I'm giving you every possible opportunity.
45:43Take some news.
45:44You've just let me down.
45:46Rubbish. I've scored two brilliant gold
45:49whilst you've been chatting up some Norwegian woman and standing in the bar.
45:52That's my wife. Yes, it was my wife.
45:54His wife.
46:00With play almost over, I accidentally, but very accurately, took out James.
46:07I'm out. Hammond in the sim bin.
46:15Can't believe I got sim bin.
46:17For what?
46:18Go on ITV. You go in the sim bin. It's that simple.
46:22With me shackled, primetime brought the score up to 5-4.
46:27Oh, come on, Red.
46:28Hammond, you may rejoin.
46:31And that's the end of the game, everybody.
46:36No matter, daytime had won,
46:38which meant for James there could only be one post-match drink.
46:44So how was the snow?
46:45It was golden.
46:46Yes!
46:47And that, gentlemen, is how you do that.
46:49And with that, I must get back to the world of light entertainment.
46:52I wouldn't if I were you.
46:54Why?
46:55Because of what we're doing next.
46:56Which is?
46:58That.
46:59Oh, you are joking.
47:01I am staying.
47:02This is the ski jump at Lillehammer,
47:16the very one used in the 1994 Winter Olympics.
47:19It offers jumpers 400 feet of pure, unbridled terror.
47:25Right, chaps, we have got to get that to jump further than him in the Top Gear Winter Olympics ski slash car jumping champion.
47:51And that's what we're going to do.
47:53And that's what we're going to do.
47:54And that's what we're going to do.
47:55What we're going to do is we're going to do with the 20-year-old, slightly rusty Leyland Mini.
48:00So let's work this out.
48:02Mini does naught to 60 in what?
48:04About 14 seconds.
48:05Hang on, that's not going to be very relevant, though, is it?
48:07Because you're not going to get any grip off the tyres.
48:09All you've got up there is gravity.
48:11Oh, I know gravity is a cruel and unpredictable mistress, so...
48:14Well, no, it isn't.
48:15It's a constant all over the world.
48:17But this is quite simple, arithmetically.
48:18We've got...
48:19It's V equals U plus AT.
48:20We know what acceleration due to gravity is, 9.8 metres per second squared.
48:23But that's weight component down a plane, because it's on a slope.
48:26So we need to get the mass of the car, and we need to know the angle of the slope.
48:29And then we need to work out also the angle when it gets to the lip, where it jumps off.
48:31And that will give us V, and it will follow a sort of parabolic projection.
48:34We should be able to then calculate the exact point when the car comes and meets the snow.
48:38That's quite easy.
48:39I think we should go and get a cup of tea and work that out.
48:44So, come on, James.
48:45Hang on, hang on, hang on.
48:46Is gravity going to be enough to get the car down the ramp and beat the skier?
48:54No.
48:54Right.
48:55Then we have a huge problem.
48:56We need some more propulsion, because we can't use the engine.
49:00Because that will just spin the wheels.
49:01Right.
49:02Also, we can't put a driver in it, because obviously he'll be killed.
49:06So we're going to have to work something out on steering.
49:09That can be your job, OK?
49:10There's another problem.
49:11Once it's set off, we've got to stop it at some point.
49:14Otherwise, it'll just soar over there and take out Lilyhammer.
49:17So I'll work out where's stopping it.
49:20Right.
49:20Guidance for you.
49:22Stopping.
49:22Braking for you.
49:24And then I'll figure out some way of...
49:26Power.
49:27Power.
49:28Exactly.
49:29Let's get about our business.
49:31Right.
49:32I'll take my tea.
49:33Earl Grey in Norway.
49:34Whoever would have thought it.
49:37The skier...
49:38Our first job was to mark the point where the skier had landed,
49:41so we knew the distance to beat.
49:45Unfortunately, James was no Sir Edmund Hillary.
49:48You've got to paint it across.
49:51There you go.
49:52I've done it.
49:53No, no.
49:53You've got to get it across the whole way across.
49:55No, that'll do.
49:56It won't do.
50:02Shut up.
50:03How hard can it be?
50:22With James proving his own laws of gravity, I got on with the business of power.
50:27Hi.
50:28Is that the United Kingdom Rocketry Association?
50:32Yeah.
50:33It's Jeremy Clarkson here from Top Gear, and I need some rockets.
50:38Soon, though, it went dark again.
50:40So, we went to the pub.
50:44Nice to meet you.
50:45Damn you.
50:45The next morning, the Rocketeers arrived and announced that they could give the Mini twice
50:49as much thrust, pound for pound, than an F-15 jet fighter.
50:54I've taken drag, aerodynamic drag, ski friction, gravity, and the thrust of three contrail hybrid rocket motors into it.
51:02This is rocket science?
51:03This is rocket science.
51:04But then I saw the rockets.
51:06That's why you buy these from post offices in November.
51:09You're just waiting till you're up there.
51:10Are these really going to give enough thrust?
51:12They are.
51:12Yes.
51:13More thrust than you can handle.
51:15And so where?
51:16We put them here?
51:17No.
51:17Come on, Jeremy.
51:18That way round.
51:19Down here somewhere.
51:20Take the boots out.
51:21Take the back out.
51:22Yeah.
51:22Let's just rip that off.
51:24Let's have a bootful.
51:26Meanwhile, I've chosen a spot to build my snowbarrow.
51:30I think about here.
51:32Or here.
51:34I think I'm...
51:38Right.
51:45Fuck.
51:49How fast was the skier going when he left the thing?
51:5256 miles an hour.
51:53We're going to be going 83 miles an hour.
51:56This meant Hammond had to think big.
52:01Richard Hammond, how's the braking going?
52:03Yeah, it's going well.
52:04It's going well.
52:06By this stage, Spider-Man had finally got to the top of the ski jump.
52:10When the skier goes down, when the skier goes down, how does he, how does he, how does he, how does he stay in the middle?
52:18Oh, in, in, in, in, has tracks.
52:21Grooves.
52:22Liquid marseous oxide.
52:24Yeah.
52:24And that's got all the oxygen in it.
52:25Yeah.
52:26Yeah.
52:26And in the bottom end, fuel, which is rubber.
52:29Don't.
52:30Here's a tip.
52:32Please.
52:32I'm a doctor of engineering twice.
52:34If you put, if you use rubber as fuel, you're not going to go as far as if you use, like, petrol or dynamite.
52:40Hey, Jeremy.
52:41Do you think you could mount it on skis?
52:46Why?
52:47Why does he mount skis?
52:48Just trust me, if you put it on the skis, I can keep it dead straight.
52:51I'll have to make them.
52:52Well, yes.
52:54Obviously, we can't go to the ski rental shop and say, have you got some skis for a mini?
53:02James, the track is 1300 millimetres.
53:05And with those measurements, the Icemen could now cut their special grooves.
53:19Oh, yes.
53:23If I lose it now, I'm going to end up in the Lilyhammer Asda.
53:28I've got it, this team.
53:30Good scientists have found a job for me to do.
53:33Does anyone want Earl Grey?
53:34No.
53:37With my skis fitted, the rockets installed, and the ice grooves coming along nicely,
53:44James and I dropped in on Hammond to inspect his snowbank.
53:49I can guarantee that won't stop the mini.
53:53Partly because it's not substantial enough, but mostly because you've built that in front of that slope,
54:00and the mini is coming down that one.
54:03Right.
54:06Righto.
54:07What a complete...
54:09Some adjustments.
54:12Did nobody tell you?
54:14No, obviously, or I'd have built it over there.
54:17That is fairly embarrassing.
54:20What I need is a business suit.
54:26So, I got myself a pieced basher.
54:29With this, I am going to construct something that will rival the Hoover Dam.
54:39Those two Muppets will not be laughing at me now.
54:42And to speed things up, I even drafted in a herd of tractors.
54:46While Philip Schofield was building the Great Wall of Lillehammer...
54:55Oh, yeah.
54:56The rocket car, primed with one and a half tons of explosive thrust, began its long journey to the top of the jump.
55:10And half an hour later, the ice grooves were ready for Chris Bonington's approval.
55:14I'm not...
55:15Please don't come near me.
55:16I'm not...
55:17Go over there.
55:17I'm not...
55:17Look, I'm...
55:19I'm nowhere near you.
55:20That's really nice.
55:21This has never been done before.
55:33No.
55:33We are, in fact, at the cutting edge of cocking about.
55:38The time for cocking about, however, was over.
55:42The wall was finished.
55:44The target was laid down.
55:46Sort of.
55:47And we were now in the hands of the rocket men.
55:51It's going to be an appalling mess.
56:00An explosion.
56:01An explosion.
56:01A burning mini.
56:02Carnage.
56:03Coming down on its roof.
56:04Venting.
56:06Red.
56:07White.
56:08Blue.
56:09Confirm.
56:09Venting.
56:11In three, two, one.
56:14Purge.
56:15Come on, mini!
56:17Armed.
56:18Five, four, three.
56:21Two, one.
56:23Initiate.
56:41Wall's going to be needed!
56:43We were a bit short.
56:48We didn't beat the ski jump.
56:50How well did it ski?
56:58This brilliant ski!
57:00I'm satisfied with that, and anyway, that's it.
57:07I have to go.
57:08I have to go back to the world of daytime telly.
57:11Boys, it's been a joy.
57:11Goodbye.
57:12It's been great having you here.
57:13Thanks for coming.
57:14That was quite something.
57:15Bye.
57:16Actually, we can go anyway, because it's the end of the show.
57:19No, it isn't.
57:20There's one more thing.
57:21This is a snowmobile.
57:26It's a sort of jet ski with a tank track on the back, and it's used for herding mooses and generally larking about.
57:34But here's the thing.
57:36No one in the whole of human history has ever attempted to ride one of these things down a ski jump.
57:45Now, the reason why no one has ever ridden a snowmobile down a ski jump like that is the same reason we didn't put anyone in the mini last night.
57:53Yes, because you'd probably be killed to death.
57:55Yeah, very good chance of that.
57:56Luckily, however, we know a man who has no fear.
58:00You thought we'd forgotten him.
58:01But he's here.
58:03The stick.
58:15It's the landing I think I'm worried about most of all.
58:17These pomps.
58:18And on that bombshell, or as he would now put it, on that bombshell, it's time to end the show.
58:47Thanks very much for watching.
58:49Good night.
58:54No slowing up here on BBC Two.
58:56High Octane quiz comedy with some crazy driving thrown in next,
59:00as actors Philip Glenister and Hugo Spear join Neil Morrissey for a brand new show.
59:05Petrol Heads, next.
Recommended
43:59
|
Up next
42:45
40:24
1:16:13
0:14
1:19:07
40:02
43:59
26:09
1:15:56
1:15:09
41:37
1:19:15
39:35
29:50
1:54:53
30:30
Be the first to comment