- 2 days ago
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00:02Yesterday was for me a very bad day.
00:05I was arrested for blowing up a railway line, which I did not do.
00:09And General von Klinkeroffen, a very important kraut, had me shot at door.
00:15But my two friends, the German officers over there, put dummy bullets in the firing squad's rifles
00:21so that I could live to tell the tale, which is what I am doing now.
00:26Needless to say, I owe them a favor.
00:29René?
00:35Now the things are back to normal.
00:37Almost normal? We have not yet got back the painting of the Fall of Madonna with the big...
00:45René, now the things are back to almost normal, I think you owe me a favor.
00:51Of course, Colonel. Yvette or Maria?
01:01No contest.
01:03In half an hour?
01:04Perfect.
01:06Just one little thing is worrying me, Colonel.
01:08What's that, René?
01:09Well, the lieutenant who was in charge of the firing squad that shot me, he is a regular customer of
01:14mine.
01:15Will he not think it a little strange to find me still here, alive?
01:20We thought of that.
01:22We think of everything.
01:24We told him your cafe was now being run by your twin brother.
01:31What a brilliant idea, Colonel.
01:33How do you think of these things?
01:35We have to be on our toes.
01:37He's looking forward to meeting you.
01:39Do you think it will work?
01:41Of course.
01:42You look exactly like yourself.
01:44You are most reassuring, Colonel.
01:46Oh, one other thing.
01:48I am running very short of butter, sugar and paraffin.
01:51Do you think you could let me have a little from your store?
01:53René, we cannot keep on fiddling our books.
01:56It's not fair on Hans.
01:58No.
02:01I'll manage somehow.
02:06Ah, Helge, sit down.
02:11Have you seen Herr Fleck of the Gestapo?
02:13Yes, I carried out your instructions.
02:15I told him René has been shot and his twin brother has arrived from Nancy to run the cafe.
02:19Did he believe her?
02:20After some interrogation.
02:22Why did he interrogate you?
02:24It was raining, so we decided not to go out.
02:30Oh, it's a bird.
02:32Oh, will nobody come to help me?
02:37Here we are, Mama.
02:38Oh, not more onion soup.
02:41No.
02:42Today we have a treat.
02:43Oh.
02:45Araco beans.
02:46Oh.
02:48More than an old woman can bear.
02:51But no matter.
02:53Come to see this.
02:54Now the Grené is dead.
02:58Have you found his will?
03:00Mama, he is not dead.
03:02He is down below.
03:03Oh, well.
03:05The life he led, I am not surprised.
03:08Now it is.
03:09You must marry again.
03:12Why do you not marry Monsieur Maurice?
03:14He owns the Hotel Grand Place.
03:17He has a cafe.
03:19Mama, René is not dead.
03:21He has a bigger one than René.
03:25Do not fill your head with such things.
03:29I must go.
03:30I have much to do.
03:31Now it is.
03:32What are you going to do about the airmen in my wardrobe?
03:38There are no airmen in your wardrobe.
03:40We have hidden them in the inn house.
03:44Airmen in the inn house.
03:47Sometimes I think I go round the twist.
03:56Maria, Yvette, the two German officers in half an hour.
04:00Did you explain that the flying helmet and the egg whisk are extra?
04:03Not this time.
04:05This one is on the house.
04:07René, what about the resistance?
04:09You know we have to give them 10%.
04:11They will be very cross if they find out we are giving the Germans freebies.
04:15Take it out of the till.
04:19Ah!
04:23Allow me to introduce myself.
04:25I am Lieutenant Gruber.
04:28I was a very close friend of your brother.
04:30Ah, my twin brother, René.
04:32Yes, yes.
04:33It was very sad.
04:35Unfortunately, I was in charge of the firing party.
04:39Yes, I know.
04:40Orders, you understand.
04:42I hope you will not hold it against me.
04:45I will try not to.
04:47Your usual?
04:49Whatever that may be.
04:51That is my usual.
04:53How extraordinary.
04:55You bear a most remarkably close resemblance to René.
04:59I know.
05:01You even have the same pretty rings.
05:03Ah, yes, yes.
05:04He left them to me.
05:05Now I come to look.
05:06Your eyelashes are a little longer.
05:09And your hands are more artistic.
05:14The Colonel told me you arrived from Nancy's this morning.
05:17Yes, he is quite right.
05:18Is that where you and René were born?
05:20Yes, we were both Nancy boys.
05:27René, I must talk to you.
05:29We have to feed the ends.
05:35She called you René.
05:37That is very strange.
05:38Ah, yeah.
05:39Well, you see, we were so alike.
05:41There did not seem to be any point in giving us different names.
05:45So they called you both René.
05:47That must have been very confusing.
05:49Oh, no, no.
05:50They called us René one and René two.
05:53Are you one?
05:54No, I am definitely two.
06:00Otto, what brings you here?
06:03I am here on official business.
06:04You will refer to me as Herr Flick.
06:06Yes, Herr Flick.
06:07And stand up when you talk to me.
06:08Yes, Herr Flick.
06:10Come here.
06:11Yes, Herr Flick.
06:14You are wearing perfume.
06:16You gave it to me, Herr Flick.
06:18That is no excuse.
06:19Members of the German forces should not wear perfume on duty.
06:22Even if they are girls.
06:25Turn around.
06:28At least your hair is tidy.
06:30Turn around.
06:30Yes, Herr Flick.
06:32You wish me to tell the colonel that you are here?
06:34No.
06:35I will tell him myself.
06:37You wish me to kiss you?
06:39Well, just a little one.
06:52Thank you, Herr Flick.
06:53You are welcome.
06:58Herr Hitler!
07:04Your visit is unexpected, Herr Flick.
07:06So it seems.
07:08We were just reading how well the war is going.
07:11There is a very good picture of the Fuhrer on page three.
07:16I understand you shot a saboteur.
07:18Yes, Herr Flick.
07:19Were there any peasants present at the execution?
07:22A few, Herr Flick.
07:23Did you take their names?
07:24Did you take their names, Hans?
07:26Er, I think there was one called Bobby.
07:29Fool!
07:31They might have been members of the resistance.
07:32They might have been members of the resistance funds.
07:35But you gave me no orders.
07:36That is no excuse.
07:38You should have asked them their names and addresses.
07:40You ask a French peasant that, he drops his onions and runs like the clappers.
07:44This being the case, you must attend the funeral.
07:48Funeral?
07:49For the resistance, he is a hero.
07:51They will come to pay their respects.
07:53I will observe from a discreet distance.
07:56You will obtain names and photographs.
07:59Halita!
07:59Halita!
08:00Clap!
08:00Halita!
08:06Carstairs, that cockerel hasn't taken his eyes off you for the last hour.
08:11I suppose, sitting in this position, he thinks I'm going to lay an egg.
08:15I wish you would.
08:17I'm just hungry.
08:27Dinner time!
08:31It's that resistance girl, Michelle.
08:34Hello, chaps.
08:35Sorry about the cramped quarters.
08:36I'm afraid you've got to lie low a bit longer.
08:39It's not exactly luxurious, you know.
08:42Fairfax nearly fell off his perch last night.
08:45I tried to get through to London to get them to send a plane for you.
08:48Oh, good show!
08:50By the way, we're jolly thirsty.
08:53See the button on that feeder there?
08:55Press it with your nose and the trough will fill with water.
08:57Fairfax!
08:58Fairfax!
09:00Toodle-oo!
09:01Hello.
09:03Yvette, quick!
09:04I want you upstairs.
09:06Oh?
09:07It is the wireless.
09:11Mama, we have to use the radio under your bed.
09:14Has Monsieur Maurice proposed to you yet?
09:18Mama, René is not dead.
09:20I saw it in full.
09:23I heard the shots with my own e-trumpet.
09:27Ah!
09:28He has come to haunt me!
09:30Calls a priest!
09:31He is, René!
09:32He is alive!
09:33No, no, no!
09:34He is a phantom!
09:36See?
09:37My stick goes through here!
09:38You stupid old bat!
09:40Are you trying to kill me or something?
09:42Oh!
09:43It is a miracle!
09:45Top of Easter wedding is cancelled!
09:48Take no notice of her.
09:50Get the bed up!
09:51One, two, three!
09:52One, two, three!
10:00Who is this Monsieur Maurice?
10:03He owns the Hotel Grand Place and a café.
10:06And why does she want you to marry him?
10:08He has a bigger one than you have.
10:12But René does more behind the bar!
10:14This is true!
10:18Hello, hello.
10:19This is Nighthawk.
10:21Are you receiving me?
10:22Over.
10:23London is receiving you.
10:25Pass your message.
10:26Over.
10:27The N's are still in the N house.
10:30Over.
10:32What is so strange about that?
10:36Over.
10:38The two airmen want to go home.
10:41Over.
10:42Please use the code.
10:43Over.
10:45The N's are still in the N house.
10:47Over.
10:49Roger, Nighthawk.
10:51Now, listen very carefully.
10:53The big one will arrive at midnight.
10:57Oh, Monsieur Maurice, what did I tell you?
11:01Shut up!
11:02This means they are dropping the consignment that we have ordered.
11:05That must be the new uniforms for the German officers,
11:08which they no longer need.
11:10And the forged painting of the fuller Madonna with the big boobies.
11:14Thank you, London.
11:15Over and out.
11:16And things.
11:18There's a man downstairs.
11:19He says he is an undertaker.
11:21What does he want?
11:22He has come to measure you for the coffin.
11:24Oh, I forgot I was dead.
11:31Good afternoon.
11:33Good afternoon.
11:34My name is Alphonse, director of funerals.
11:37My card.
11:38Ah, thank you.
11:41Swiftly and with style.
11:43I like that.
11:46Ah, this is the wife.
11:48Oh, my brother, René.
11:50The dead one.
11:53And this lady?
11:54Oh, that is Yvette.
11:56A seven, girl.
11:57I used to work under the deceased.
12:05Sad occasion.
12:07Tragic.
12:09Where is the body?
12:11In the office.
12:13Well, we have been moving him about a bit.
12:16Well, I shall have to take some measurement later.
12:18But first, we must decide on some distressing details.
12:22Of course, sir.
12:30Now, first, the coffin.
12:34Oak, elm, ash, pine.
12:44Which do you favour?
12:47Do you not have something a little bigger?
12:53These are samples of the wood.
12:57Oak is 35,000 francs.
13:00Ash, eh?
13:0125,000 francs.
13:03Helm, 15,000.
13:04Pine, 10,000 francs.
13:06This is very expensive.
13:08Do you not have something in orange box?
13:12We must have oak.
13:13All my neighbours will expect it.
13:16Edith, I am paying for this.
13:19He wanted to humiliate me in front of my neighbours.
13:21Oak.
13:22Now, as you have chosen the oak, you shall always want the bronze enders.
13:28They last longer.
13:30Why should this be an advantage without pulling him up again?
13:34And the brass nameplate with the letters inlaid in silver.
13:38Might I suggest?
13:40To my beloved husband, sadly missed.
13:48Excuse me, may I say something?
13:51They shot him.
13:52You cannot have sadly missed.
14:00What does Madame suggest?
14:02He was brave.
14:04He died for France.
14:07Long live de Gaulle.
14:10Who?
14:12De Gaulle.
14:13You know, the one who scarpered.
14:15Oh, the videos are gorgeous.
14:19There should be a poem.
14:21The rifle's fired.
14:23The bullet's hit.
14:26Oh, we shall miss that little man.
14:31And pray it didn't hurt a bit.
14:42It will be at 200 francs a letter 12,000 francs.
14:4612,000 francs?
14:47Just put to buy.
14:51I will pay.
14:52There is provision in the will.
14:54What will?
14:54I found it.
14:55It was in the secret drawer of the bureau in the dressing room of my mother.
14:59It leaves everything to me.
15:02I think there will very likely be another will.
15:05Well, now, it only remains for me to measure, if you will pardon me.
15:11The body.
15:12Oh, well, that is no problem.
15:14I am his twin brother. You can measure me.
15:16Monsieur, I am professional.
15:19We have our etiquette.
15:20If it ever leaked out that I measure you instead of the body,
15:24every undertaker in France would laugh.
15:27Ah, well, that would be unusual, I'm sure.
15:29Don't worry.
15:31Well, perhaps before you measure, if you will pardon me, the body,
15:35you would like a cognac.
15:36Oh, that is most kind.
15:38Yvette.
15:41Edith, when Monsieur Alphonse has finished his cognac,
15:44show him the body in the office.
15:47But René...
15:48René's body, that's right.
15:50Monsieur Alphonse, I am sure you will forgive me if I do not come with you.
15:53It is very difficult for me, you understand.
15:55Of course, of course, Monsieur.
15:58Of course, of course, Monsieur.
16:11He is a boss-shul, he is an expert.
16:12He's not a boss-shul...
16:17We're not only that guy, but aren't we not a boss-shul...
16:22You're stupid.
16:23We also are stupid at all.
16:23One time to see him, he is a boss-shul...
16:24He is a boss-shul.
16:26He's a boss-shul...
16:27He's a boss-shul...
16:27He's a boss-shul...
16:28...and he's a boss-shul...
16:33It is the unquiet spirit of my husband.
16:47Are we ready?
16:49I hope so.
16:59Oh, sorry.
17:02For some of it.
17:17Madam?
17:40Pardon?
17:46Why does he have flour on his face?
17:51When he was arrested,
17:53he was making a roly-poly pudding.
17:57Just think.
17:58We will never see his roly-poly again.
18:17Before I go,
18:18I will need the signature
18:19of the brother-in-law.
18:25Where do you think
18:26he is at the moment?
18:28Oh, I do not know,
18:29but I am sure he will join us
18:31in the bar as soon as he can.
18:38Oh, I do not know,
18:43Okay.
18:45What?
18:54All right.
19:06Are you finished?
19:09It is all done.
19:10How did he look?
19:12Carried.
19:13Monsieur, monsieur.
19:15Of course.
19:19Thank you, sir.
19:25Oh, monsieur.
19:32Oh, I have left my tick, monsieur.
19:37We'll get it for you.
19:48Who's that?
19:49Don't open the door till I put the lid on.
19:52It's Michelle's resistance.
19:54What does she want?
19:56Well, how do I know?
19:57Open the door and find out.
20:01Quick, all of you, inside.
20:03What is happening?
20:04Last night, the picture of the fallen Madonna with the big boobies did not come by parachute.
20:08These did.
20:10They are being pursued by a German patrol.
20:12You must hide them for us.
20:13Well, what are they?
20:15Anti-tank mans.
20:16Treat them very gently.
20:18Keep a cool head if the Germans find them, you will be shut.
20:21Well, at these prices, I cannot afford another funeral.
20:24Quick, we must go through the back.
20:29Well, where am I supposed to hide these?
20:31You will think of something.
20:33But hurry, the Germans may have seen us enter.
20:35Oh, German soldiers coming towards us.
20:38Oh, heck.
20:39Quick, in the coffin.
20:41Not you, these.
20:45What is all these bottles doing in the coffin of my husband?
20:48They are to make it heavy, so that when they lift it up, they think I am in it.
20:53Quick, the others, the rest.
20:55Oh, wait till I put the lid on.
21:02What do you want?
21:04We demand anchorage.
21:05Stand aside.
21:07Why, you buzzery poor woman, in a time of grief.
21:11We are hunting members of the resistance as they came in through this door.
21:15We thought they were customers, but they came straight through and out the back.
21:19Did you see their faces?
21:21No, we were busy doing the screwing.
21:34What's going on?
21:36What were the soldiers doing?
21:37They were following the resistance.
21:39Rene, you must stop seeing those people.
21:42If Herr Flick finds out, he will make you talk.
21:45And you might tell him about us.
21:46Oh, I would die before I did that, Colonel.
21:49I would try to arrange it.
21:52Now, did you put the weights in the coffin?
21:53Yes, Colonel, yes, I've just finished, yes.
21:58Hans, the black bands.
22:01Are you coming to the funeral, Colonel?
22:03Of course.
22:04We were very fond of you.
22:08One word of warning.
22:10Herr Flick will be observing from the bushes.
22:13Make sure no members of the resistance are there.
22:16Oh, of course, Colonel.
22:18Thank you for telling me.
22:23What's that?
22:24I paid for the bells.
22:27Oh, the whole village of Nouveau will come to pay their respects.
22:31How much did they cost?
22:32It was very cheap.
22:34100 francs a bong.
22:35You are having 50 bongs.
22:40What is this?
22:43It's a crier.
22:44How much did they cost?
22:46Well, they said you would give them the usual, and then they giggled.
22:50So I didn't...
22:53They look very beautiful, standing there with their candles.
22:57Friends, I'd like this when my turn comes.
23:01Or even before.
23:04There was a mungo boy...
23:07Shut up!
23:09What on earth is he doing here?
23:11He was 500 francs.
23:12The real priest was 3,000.
23:15Good choice, he did.
23:17We are gathered here to pay our respects to our good friend, René.
23:26One, two, three, four.
23:40Bruno, your guess is as good as mine.
23:50Something is happening.
23:53We must move to a better position.
23:55The back of the car, half-lick?
23:56To observe the funeral.
24:14There's only an handful of my friends here.
24:17I thought you said the old village of Nuvion was turning out to mourn my passing.
24:21Nuvion rangers are playing away.
24:27René, hold on to my arm.
24:30Are you going to faint?
24:32No, I cannot see.
24:35René, you think the resistance will be very cross with us because we are burying the anti-tank mines in
24:40a coffin?
24:41That is their funeral.
24:43That is their funeral.
24:43This is mine.
24:45Do you think we should go step?
24:47No, Hans.
24:48That would be very poor taste.
24:50It's bad enough we have with us the man who shot him.
24:53It's obeying orders.
24:55I was most upset as I uttered the word fire.
25:00I said to complete rotter.
25:05This will do.
25:06They cannot see us here.
25:07You will bend over and touch your toes.
25:10What have you in mind, Hathalie?
25:12I wish to steady my binoculars.
25:14That's her head.
25:15Bye-bye.
25:26Bye-bye.
25:31Bye-bye.LY
25:47What is wrong?
25:48Hurry up!
25:49Who has the key?
25:51The priest has the key!
25:57Not you!
25:58The real priest!
26:00Where is he?
26:01He placed senderah for the Nuvian Rangers!
26:04We have had it!
26:09What is the problem?
26:10The priest has forgotten the key!
26:12Shall I shoot off the lock?
26:14If it wasn't for you and your shooting, we wouldn't be here in the first place!
26:18Can you all come back tomorrow?
26:21I won't keep until tomorrow!
26:27Wake...
26:28...the mines!
26:44Something very strange is happening!
26:48What is that, Herr Flick?
26:50The coffin and all the mourners are heading in this direction!
27:08LAUGHTER
27:10LAUGHTER
27:15Should we move to another position?
27:17No!
27:17Well...
27:17We are quite safe here!
27:28LAUGHTER
27:31LAUGHTER
27:34LAUGHTER
27:34LAUGHTER
27:38LAUGHTER
27:39LAUGHTER
27:44LAUGHTER
27:44LAUGHTER
27:48That was very amusing.
27:53That was not so amusing.