- 2 days ago
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00:00...the trees that fills the trees with rare and magic perfume.
00:08Oh no!
00:11Are you by any chance thinking that I am singing in the bath because I am happy?
00:16No, you are wrong.
00:17I am singing in the bath because there is no lock on the door.
00:22Happy? I most certainly am not.
00:25The British, who scarpered like scalded pussycats at Dunkirk, are obviously not coming to rescue us.
00:31Otherwise, they would have been here by now.
00:33All they do is send us messages on the wireless to the resistance, telling them to shoot the Germans.
00:38This, of course, makes the Germans very cross.
00:41So they, in their turn, shoot the resistance.
00:43And a few hostages for good measure.
00:46By the time the British get here, they will be lucky if there is anybody left.
00:50Who is it?
00:53It is I, your wife's mother.
00:56Go away!
00:58I wish to use the little girls.
01:03You are a big girl now.
01:05Use the one outside in the yard.
01:07No, the one outside is frozen.
01:11Well, have a hot cup of cocoa and run.
01:15Don't give me no peace.
01:17Yes, as I was saying, the Brit...
01:19Yes, what is it now?
01:21Psst!
01:22It is I, Leclerc.
01:24May I use the...
01:26No, you may not.
01:27Get out.
01:28As I was saying, the British...
01:32What is it?
01:33It is I, Yvette.
01:34Are you ready for two big jokes?
01:39Yes, come in.
01:45Shall I let you have it?
01:47By my feet, yes.
01:49Oh, the old brother is in a terrible state.
01:55I do not know why I married her in the first place.
01:59Oh, Renée.
02:01When we are married, will it always be like this?
02:06Possibly.
02:08Oh, just the sight of your body, covered in bubbles, drives me wild.
02:14I will scrub your back.
02:17Now, where is the soap?
02:18Oh, I will get it.
02:21There.
02:23There.
02:24Be careful with it.
02:25That is all that I have.
02:26Yeah.
02:27Tonight, I will get a bigger one from the colonel.
02:29I should not be surprised.
02:32Renée!
02:34Renée!
02:37How much longer are you going to be in the bathroom?
02:40My mother wishes to avail herself of the facility.
02:42Well, I have told her to use the one outside, in the yard.
02:45The British airmen are hiding in it.
02:48Well, you have to put her in the wheelchair and take her to the one in the town square.
02:52The Germans have padlocked it.
02:54Ever since someone wrote on the wall that poem about Hitler and his shirt cammings.
03:00She will have to contain herself.
03:02I will be out in a minute.
03:04One day, you will get what you deserve.
03:06Not with people coming in and out of the bathroom.
03:10What is Yvette doing in here?
03:12Yes!
03:13What are you doing in here?
03:14I brought in the jugs.
03:16Well, then you have no reason to stay.
03:18Go about your business.
03:19And hurry!
03:20Yes, Renée.
03:20Oh, Renée.
03:22Always the disciplinarian.
03:24Would you kindly leave now?
03:26I am about to remove the plug.
03:27I will fetch for you a nice hot towel.
03:30Oh, Edith.
03:31Those stairs.
03:32They are too much for you, my dear.
03:34Send up, Maria.
03:36Oh, Renée.
03:37Always so thoughtful.
03:44Are we alone?
03:45Not for very much longer, I suspect.
03:48Listen very carefully.
03:50I shall say this only once.
03:52Why is it that you say things only once?
03:55I shall say these only once because I am clinging to a rusted drainpipe.
04:00I have a plan to get rid of the British airmen who are riding in your outside burg.
04:06Well, that will be great relief to my wife's mother.
04:09Now, pay careful attention.
04:11This is the plan.
04:14The brackets have cracked and are coming away from the wall.
04:22What does that mean?
04:24It means you are going to need a new drainpipe.
04:35I would go to her assistance, but you will understand the position I am in.
04:42Love is where you find it.
04:45Don't be blinded.
04:47It's all around you, everywhere.
04:52Everywhere.
05:02I will have to stop putting cheese in my ears.
05:04Why is this, Hans?
05:05I woke up this morning.
05:06There was a mouse on my pillow.
05:09Madam Edith has an unusual voice, Renée.
05:12Was it trained?
05:13Oh, yes.
05:14But it escaped and returned to the wild.
05:17Your usual, Lieutenant.
05:21You are looking very pink and fresh today.
05:26I saved up my water ration and my soap ration to have a bath.
05:30I have a very big bath at the Chateau.
05:33If ever you want to luxuriate.
05:36How the conquering heroes live.
05:39If it were not for those meddlesome resistance people, it would be quite a peaceful life.
05:44And, uh, talking of resistance, there are rumours about you, Renée.
05:50It is said that you are something that you don't appear to be at first sight.
05:55I have heard the same about you.
05:59I hope I'm not interrupting anything.
06:01I hope you are never interrupting anything.
06:03The colonel wishes you to sit at his table.
06:05I was just going to ask you to sit at my table.
06:08Well, be asked first.
06:10First come, first served, I'm afraid.
06:12Um, Maria, will you take over the bar?
06:15Make sure the lieutenant gets what he wants.
06:17Oh, can't I just take over the bar?
06:20Renée?
06:21Yes, Colonel.
06:22Sit down.
06:23Colonel, how are you today?
06:25How is the war going?
06:26Do you have the halftime score?
06:28That is what I want to talk to you about, Renée.
06:31Now, I know you have helped some British airmen to escape.
06:35But I'm prepared to wipe the slate clean.
06:37Ah, thank you, Colonel.
06:39But the colonel says you have got to promise to stop helping the resistance.
06:42Oh, of course, Colonel.
06:43Now, will you promise me, on your honour?
06:46Well, Colonel, you must understand, I am in business.
06:49Some of the resistance might very well be my customers.
06:52Without my knowledge, of course.
06:53Don't be devious, Renée.
06:55Promise me, on your honour.
06:57Well...
06:58On your honour as a Frenchman.
07:00Oh, well, that is different.
07:01You have my word.
07:03Good, you may buy us a drink.
07:05Renée.
07:06Renée, the most prideful thing has happened.
07:08There are whole sausages in the kitchen.
07:11What is so dreadful about that?
07:13Somebody has removed one.
07:15The one with the little swastika on it.
07:18The one with the little swastika on it?
07:20That belongs to Herr Flick of the Gestapo.
07:22It is his personal sausage.
07:23It is the one containing the painting of the fallen rabdon of its big boobies.
07:27Rolled up.
07:30Don't get confused, Hans.
07:31It contains only the forgery.
07:33Yes, the real one is still safe in my cellar.
07:35There you are.
07:36You have nothing to worry about.
07:37I, on the other hand, do have something to worry about.
07:40What if Herr Flick asks for it back?
07:42Tell him it has been nicked.
07:43He will have me shot.
07:44No, he will not.
07:45I'm the commandant here.
07:47Herr Flick has no authority to have you shot.
07:49He will have to ask the colonel.
07:51And he will have you shot.
07:53That makes me feel much better.
07:55Renée?
07:56Renée?
07:57Renée?
07:58Your wife is trying to attract your attention.
08:00Take no notice.
08:01It will not be anything important.
08:03It may be very important.
08:04She may wish to sing another song.
08:06Really?
08:07Good one.
08:08Yes.
08:09What is it?
08:11The grandfather clock in the back room needs winding.
08:14Edith, we have no grandfather clock.
08:17It is code.
08:18Do you never read your code book?
08:20It means the resistance is in the back room.
08:23Oh, heck.
08:28Renée, is that English idiot who thinks he can't speak French is outside?
08:33Oh, good morning.
08:37It is not moaning.
08:39It is evening.
08:40Now, what do you want?
08:42Michelle of the resistance washes to tick to you.
08:47She has had a nasty oxidant by failing off a drain poop.
08:53All right.
08:54You know the code book.
08:55What is he talking about?
08:56Carry her this wee.
08:59And do not let her drip.
09:02She has strewned her back and has also a compost fricture of the left lung.
09:10Listen very carefully.
09:12I shall whisper this only once because I am in great pain.
09:16Her log is in plister of porridge.
09:20My God, what did she land in?
09:22I have a plan to get rid of the British airmen by air.
09:26Oh, no.
09:27Not that balloon again.
09:28No, in the museum is an exact replica of the plan used by Pierre Lacomte to cross the channel in
09:341910.
09:36Pierre Lacomte?
09:37I have never heard of him.
09:39Think back.
09:39You must have done.
09:42It was not in the pepper.
09:44He endeavored to cross the channel before Blerio.
09:47He crashed.
09:48But the plan is still airworthy, except that there is no engine.
09:53What good is it without an engine?
09:56Well, the engine of a lawn mower would give sufficient power.
09:59So, what do you want me to do about it?
10:02Steal the plan, find a motor, and contact me in Bed 3, Ward 7, Nuvian General Hospital.
10:09She has pissed out.
10:16What bravery.
10:18What fartitude.
10:21You had better get her out of here before anything worse happens.
10:25And do not grip her.
10:40The girl is ready for your inspection, Herr Flick.
10:43Good.
10:44It is very generous of you, Herr Flick, to buy me a suit out of the party funds.
10:48I have no alternative.
10:49I could not take you to the Gestapo club looking any old how.
10:54Now, let me see.
10:58Hmm.
11:00The shoulders are good, but the lapels are not good.
11:05Hmm.
11:08The vest is good, but the sleeves are not good.
11:14I think the skirt is excellent.
11:19I do not agree.
11:23How about the hat?
11:26Approved.
11:28Herr Taylor, you will do better, or something nasty will happen.
11:33Yes, Herr Flick.
11:45I am sorry to interrupt you if you are in the midst of an interrogation.
11:49About your eyes, von Smallhausen.
11:52I have important news.
11:55Herr Flick, retire behind the screen and re-clothe yourself.
11:59Yes, Herr Flick.
12:02The resistance have kidnapped your knock-versed sausage and are demanding a ransom for its
12:07return.
12:08Why should I pay a ransom for a knock-versed sausage?
12:12It appears that the sausage contains a valuable painting, which you, no doubt, were keeping
12:17safe for Hitler.
12:19That is correct.
12:20When did you learn of this?
12:21I received the information at 11 o'clock this morning.
12:25That was four hours ago.
12:27Why did you take so long to inform me?
12:29The message was wrapped around a brick and thrown at my head.
12:33I have just regained consciousness.
12:45This is very serious.
12:47It's not as bad as it looks.
12:50The theft of my sausage is serious.
12:53They are demanding 800,000 francs.
12:56If you do not pay up, they will deliver it to you two inches at a time.
13:01Helga.
13:02Yes, Herr Flick.
13:02Your colonel is in charge of security.
13:05Tell him that if the painting is not recovered, he is to burn down the town.
13:11Except for this building.
13:13Yes, Herr Flick.
13:14Herr Flick, I have a small but comfortable apartment over the bakery.
13:19Could you perhaps make some special recommendation about it?
13:23Yes.
13:25Sell the toaster and do not pay the rent.
13:30It is.
13:35Why does nobody pay attention to an old woman when she is banging?
13:45What is the matter, Mama?
13:47We are busy downstairs.
13:49We have a business to run.
13:50Oh, Edith, I am going mad.
13:53Why do I keep seeing strangers in my bed?
13:57Oh, do not worry, Mama.
13:59There are strangers in your bed.
14:02Hello.
14:04Do not be afraid, Mama.
14:06It is the British airmen.
14:08Airmen?
14:08But why are they dressed like two decrepit old bats?
14:15Because, Mama, if the Germans search the place, they will not suspect two old ladies in your bed.
14:20Oh, it seems very strange to me.
14:25It is strange even to me.
14:27And I am a Frenchman.
14:30You're to sleep.
14:32This is a very serious situation, René.
14:35If we do not recover the sausage, I will be compelled to burn down the town.
14:40He will be obeying orders.
14:42We all have to obey orders.
14:43But, Candle, it is very simple.
14:45Well, all you need to do is to give to Airflick your sausage containing the real painting.
14:50Tell him you got it back from the resistance.
14:52René, it is my pension.
14:54Our pensions?
14:55All our pensions.
14:56You know these resistance people, René.
14:59You must explain to them and get it back.
15:01Otherwise, they will have their lovely town burnt down.
15:04Colonel, I have news for you.
15:06The rumor is that you are not dealing with just any old resistance.
15:09This is the communist resistance.
15:12The communist resistance?
15:13The party funds are low.
15:15They need the money to buy explosives, to blow up your tanks and trains and things.
15:19It is only a good cause.
15:22Colonel, I have a plan.
15:25Helga has a plan!
15:35Why do we not give them the money?
15:37And as soon as it is handed over, ambush them and take it back.
15:40This sounds rather risky, Helga.
15:42But Colonel, you have at your disposal a whole regiment of German troops.
15:47What if you turned off to hand the money over with a whole regiment of German troops?
15:50Would not the communist resistance become suspicious?
15:53Of course they would.
15:55That was a stupid suggestion, Hans.
15:58Every time I make a suggestion, you shoot me down.
16:01You are destroying my confidence.
16:03I feel this big.
16:06I am like a worm.
16:09Useless.
16:10Worthless.
16:12Have you finished?
16:14Yes.
16:16But I am very hurt.
16:19Helga, forgive me asking this question, but where are you going to get the money from in the first place?
16:24We can use dummy money.
16:26If you use dummy money, they will shoot you on the spot.
16:28Yes, you see, I am not the only one who comes up with stupid suggestions.
16:32That one was a real stinker.
16:38Colonel, in the safe in your office, you have the money for the wages for the troops.
16:42We have to pay them on Friday.
16:44What if we do not get it back?
16:46We could give them all IOUs.
16:48Two, one.
16:50Johnny, it is your town they are going to burn down.
16:53You will find the money.
16:54Where am I supposed to find 800,000 francs?
16:57Have a collection.
16:58I could sing at all the cafes.
17:01They would pay you hush money.
17:04Oh, my gosh.
17:08Oh, it is I, Nickle.
17:11Eh, I have received a message from the resistance.
17:21Hang on, there may be a reply.
17:26Not bloody likely.
17:37Pay the money tomorrow, midday, or sausage will be sliced.
17:42Arrangements to follow.
17:43Oh, my God.
17:44If they cut into the sausage, Airflick will make you burn down the town.
17:47And everything for which I have worked and slaved all these years will be gone.
17:52What?
17:54Colonel, Colonel, I am desperate.
17:56What is to stop me from giving to Airflick the painting in my cellar?
17:59A bullet from this.
18:01Oh, but be reasonable, Colonel.
18:02Where am I going to get 800,000 francs by midday tomorrow?
18:06Rob a bank.
18:07How can I rob a bank?
18:09Everybody knows me.
18:10You could wear one of my stockings over your face.
18:13And how am I supposed to see through 30 Daniel Locknit Lyle friends?
18:18You can see through Helga's stockings.
18:20I expect.
18:23But the banks have guards.
18:25I will be shot and I will finish up in the mortuary.
18:28The mortuary?
18:29Of course.
18:30Monsieur Alphonse, the rich undertaker.
18:33What about him?
18:34Well, he has money.
18:35Lots of money.
18:36It is hidden in his mattress.
18:37Then our problem is solved.
18:40Your wife will borrow the money.
18:41We will pay for the sausage.
18:43The colonel will lay an ambush and arrest the communist resistance.
18:46And we will recover the ransom.
18:48There is always a simple solution, is there not?
18:51Go on.
18:52Inform us as soon as you know the meeting place.
18:54Come on, Hans.
18:57Oh.
18:59You have to end it to these Germans.
19:01They are wonderful at organisation.
19:03What is so wonderful?
19:05We have to do the organising.
19:06We have to get the money.
19:08Renée.
19:09I have a message from Michelle.
19:11She says if you steal the motor more on Thursday
19:13and the aeroplane on Friday,
19:15then the airman can leave on Saturday.
19:17I think Michelle has concussion.
19:27Have you seen my wife?
19:29She's upstairs preparing herself in all her finery
19:31for a dinner with Monsieur Alphonse.
19:34Oh, Renée.
19:36Why do you not persuade her to marry Monsieur Alphonse?
19:39Then I could be with you forever.
19:41Loving you.
19:43Kissing you.
19:45Holding you.
19:46Oh, I am so wild about you.
19:49I find it hard to control myself.
19:52So I see.
19:54Well, you can have a quick cuddle before she comes down.
19:57Oh.
19:59Right, time's up.
20:00Get the napkins.
20:02Oh.
20:04You.
20:04You animal, you.
20:07Arrgh.
20:10Renée.
20:11In a moment, your wife will be done.
20:14Lift me in your strong arms.
20:17Embrace me.
20:18Press your body to my body.
20:20Press your lips to my lips.
20:23Bury your face in my neck.
20:25Waffle my hair.
20:29You have just failed to beat the clock.
20:33Renée.
20:34Monsieur Alphonse is here.
20:35Oh, Maria, get the soup.
20:37You put the napkins down.
20:38Come with me.
20:39Put it.
20:40Ah, Monsieur Alphonse.
20:42Welcome to my humble restaurant.
20:44Monsieur Renée.
20:45I was burying the widow blanket
20:47when I received the invitation.
20:48I dropped everything.
20:51Oh, Monsieur Alphonse.
20:53Madame Edith.
20:54I feel like a man 20 years younger.
20:58So does she, but we need his money.
21:02I have arranged for us a little dinner for two
21:05in the private room in the back.
21:08Alone?
21:09But what about Monsieur Renée?
21:11Hero of the resistance?
21:13Oh, I am going to be heroic behind the bar.
21:16But our meeting concerns the resistance.
21:19We feel it is time you joined our ranks.
21:22To kill and to die for France
21:24is the dearest wish of any Frenchman.
21:26Then you should be easily satisfied.
21:29Can you step this way, please?
21:31Maria, the soup.
21:42Would you care for a roll with the Europas?
21:47That will do good.
21:48Give me leaders.
21:54Allow me, madame,
21:57to fill your bowl
21:58as I would wish to fill your life.
22:01Oh, Monsieur Alphonse,
22:02you are such a gentleman.
22:04Endeavour always to be refined, madame,
22:07in my thoughts,
22:08my words,
22:09and my deeds.
22:13Delicious.
22:28Have you seen the pepper?
22:30Yes.
22:31The news is terrible, is it not?
22:35I was referring to the pepper for the soup.
22:38It is on the side table.
22:40Of course.
22:51One twist or two?
22:54Two.
23:00It is old, but it still grinds.
23:17And now, madame,
23:19to what do I owe the honour
23:20of this delightful dinner?
23:26Not the answer, René.
23:28Lives the life of constant danger.
23:30Any moment,
23:31he may fall off his perch.
23:33Perish the thought, madame.
23:37There must be someone
23:38who will do what he has been doing.
23:46Madame,
23:47I'd crumble with excitement
23:49and anticipation.
23:50In the resistance.
23:53This also I will do.
23:55Just call me when I need it.
23:57You are needed now.
24:01The resistance?
24:03Just tell me, madame,
24:05how a weak, short-sighted,
24:07slightly crippled old man
24:08with a dicky ticker
24:10can help you
24:12and you will receive
24:13my fullest cooperation.
24:15We need fans.
24:17Money.
24:20Of course.
24:22The resistance do not take checks.
24:26Pardon my stupidity, madame,
24:28of course.
24:30I have my wallet.
24:32Just name the figure.
24:33It is a lot.
24:35No sacrifice
24:36will be too great.
24:38800,000 francs.
24:40Thanks.
24:50Mr. Abbott,
24:52keep reading.
24:53Keep reading.
24:54Keep reading.
24:57Do you think
24:58she is going to get some money?
25:00No.
25:00She is certainly earning it.
25:12Hans,
25:13are you sure
25:14this is the right bridge?
25:15Yes, Colonel.
25:16This is definitely the place.
25:18Rene should be here
25:19with the money
25:20at midday.
25:22Is the secret cover
25:23operating correctly?
25:25I will demonstrate, Colonel.
25:27Colonel.
25:35Do you think
25:35anyone will suspect
25:37an owl
25:37with a three-second exposure?
25:40Only another owl, Colonel.
25:45Keep still, Hans.
25:47Trees don't wriggle
25:48up and down.
25:50I'm sorry, Colonel.
25:51I'm having a problem
25:52with a squirrel.
25:53I think he's looking
25:54for some nuts.
25:57My ambush troops
25:59should be taking up
25:59position by now.
26:01I cannot see them, Colonel.
26:03Of course you can't, Hans.
26:06They're disguised
26:06in a nether
26:07that will not
26:08arouse suspicion.
26:10Left, right.
26:12Left, right.
26:14Left, right.
26:15Left, right.
26:20It is all right,
26:21Airflick.
26:21The coast is clear.
26:31Do you think
26:32we are safe
26:33from detection?
26:35Definitely.
26:36No one would suspect
26:37us dressed
26:38in the manner
26:39of girls
26:39of the resistance.
26:41Can you see
26:42the rendezvous,
26:42Airflick?
26:44I am observing
26:45through my powerful
26:46binoculars.
26:48Have you anything
26:49to report?
26:51An owl
26:52has just raised
26:53its feathers
26:53to reveal
26:54a 35-millimeter
26:56Leica
26:56between its legs?
26:59Perhaps it is
27:00the mating season.
27:10Put it away, Hans.
27:12I can see the ambush.
27:14They're in position.
27:17Now, where is
27:18Renny with the money?
27:20He's late.
27:21Maybe he was arrested
27:23by the troops
27:23at the roadblock.
27:25You underestimate me, Hans.
27:27I have equipped him
27:28with a disguise
27:29that will enable him
27:30to pass freely
27:31through the countryside.
27:40Shut up!
27:42You never underplay
27:44anything.
27:46There is the bridge.
27:47That is where we are
27:48to meet the girls
27:49of the communist resistance.
27:54There is the bridge
27:55over there.
27:56That is where we are
27:57to meet René de Caffey
27:58on this party.
27:59They will be disguised
28:00as Germans.
28:01Germans?
28:04Halt!
28:06There is the bridge.
28:08To the left,
28:09you will be observing
28:10the girls of the
28:11communist resistance.
28:12They will be in possession
28:13of the sausage.
28:15Beyond the bridge,
28:17you will see
28:17the cafe owner
28:18and his party
28:19disguised as
28:19German soldiers.
28:21They will be in possession
28:22of the ransom money.
28:25Everything is proceeding
28:26according to plan.
28:33I'm not much to look at,
28:36not much to see,
28:38just glad I'm living
28:40and lucky to be.
28:41But I've got someone
28:44who's crazy for me.
28:46I'm funny that way.
28:51Hold there.
28:53Do you have the money?
28:55Yes, we have the money.
28:57Do you have the sausage?
28:58It is here.
29:00Bring the money forward.
29:07Place it on the ground.
29:11Retire ten bases.
29:22When we have checked
29:23the money,
29:24then you will get
29:25the sausage.
29:29What?
29:31What is going on here?
29:33This is very suspicious.
29:35Eric, Kurt, sit.
29:40These communists,
29:41they trust nobody.
29:43It is all there.
29:45Do not worry.
29:46We will get it all back again
29:47when the colonel's troop
29:48survive.
29:49Where are they?
29:50In a moment,
29:51they will arrive
29:52at the rendezvous,
29:53recover the money
29:54and return it to us.
29:56It is correct.
29:59Check it again
30:00if you like.
30:02Already got two.
30:04Here is your sausage.
30:09Eric!
30:11Come here,
30:11you naughty boy!
30:13What are they here?
30:13Come here with that sausage.
30:15What?
30:16What?
30:16Come here.
30:17I don't know.
30:18It is a trap.
30:20Quick,
30:20get into the woods.
30:24A dog has just
30:26apprehended
30:26the Gestapo sausage.
30:28Arrest him!
30:32Three resistance girls
30:34are escaping.
30:36We will pursue them.
30:39Hans,
30:41our vengeance.
30:42Quick!
30:47Stop!
30:48Stop!
30:48Come back here,
30:49you stupid dog.
30:49Come back here,
30:51you stupid dog.
30:52Let's do it!