- 14 hours ago
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00:02Hello? Is that the Wholesome Bakery?
00:06Now, tell me, and I shall know if you're lying,
00:09are your fresh cream cakes really fresh?
00:13There's no need to take that attitude. This is a serious customer inquiry.
00:17My name is Bouquet. B-U-C-K-E-T.
00:22No, it's not Bucket, it's Bouquet.
00:26I wish to place a large order, a very important order.
00:31I have the new vicar calling this afternoon for tea and light refreshments,
00:34so how soon can you deliver?
00:37Yes, I know it's Saturday, and I'm very happy that you're busy.
00:42I can understand that you don't deliver just anywhere,
00:45but as I say, I do have the new vicar coming for tea and light refreshments,
00:49and I want six fresh cream cakes.
00:51That is a large order.
00:56Hello?
00:58Hello?
01:02Hoi polloi.
01:15I wish you wouldn't raise your arms like that, Richard.
01:18Not when you're overheated. It's very common out of doors.
01:22It's warm work, Harrison.
01:24If you have to perspire, I wish you'd go into the back garden
01:27so you have to disturb people who respect us socially.
01:31I didn't invent the human cooling system.
01:35We mustn't abuse it, must we, dear?
01:41Were my roses not as big as those next door?
01:45Maybe they're a different variety.
01:48I don't like our roses not being as big as those next door.
01:51Are you neglecting them, Richard?
01:54I wanted the vicar to be greeted by a blaze of petal glory.
01:59This type only grows to this size, Harrison.
02:02I'm sure if you tried harder.
02:04I keep thinking you're out here growing these huge roses,
02:08and all the time I suppose you're gossiping with passers-by.
02:11Funny you should say that.
02:13Do you know who passed by earlier this morning?
02:15My goodness, is that a dead leaf?
02:18Why are you collecting old dead leaves, Richard?
02:21I'm going to corner the market.
02:23The entire world market.
02:26They're going to be begging me for old dead leaves.
02:29Hm?
02:36Good morning, Elizabeth.
02:39Good morning, Harrison.
02:40Do come in and we'll have a little rehearsal for this afternoon.
02:44Rehearsal?
02:46Surely you haven't forgotten you're having tea with the new vicar.
02:49And light refreshments?
02:51Oh, yes, the light refreshments.
02:54I've had them before.
02:55Do we need a rehearsal?
02:56I never like leaving things to chance.
03:00It's the mark of the thoughtful hostess.
03:02Oh!
03:15Do sit down, Elizabeth.
03:18No, not there, dear. I like to face the window.
03:22Oh, dear.
03:25I'm really rather busy, Hyacinth.
03:28Oh, that's nice, dear.
03:30Now, with regard to what to wear,
03:33I think one of us should look attractive in something tasteful and summery floral.
03:39What will you wear?
03:42I'm rather expecting you to tell me.
03:44Oh, I wouldn't dream of interfering.
03:47But just remember, the important thing is not to clash with my summer floral.
03:53Since we live next door to each other, the least we can do is coordinate.
03:57Well, I'll probably wear my tan two-piece.
04:01Oh, I see.
04:03Not my tan two-piece.
04:04I think something a little more chic, dear, don't you?
04:07Well, all right then.
04:08My green print dress.
04:10Isn't that a little revealing?
04:12Revealing?
04:14Elbows, possibly, but that's about all.
04:17Yes, I know, dear, but are we quite sure where the new vicar stands with regard to naked elbows?
04:23I don't think mine will drive him wild.
04:26Oh, excuse me.
04:27That's probably the wholesome bakery ringing to apologise.
04:32What's wrong with my tan two-piece?
04:35The bouquet residence, the lady of the house speaking.
04:39Oh, it's you, Rose.
04:41It's my sister Rose, Elizabeth.
04:44She's inclined to be talkative and excitable, so do help yourself to a biscuit, dear.
04:48And mind the crumbs.
04:52What is it now, Rose?
04:55Rose, you will not commit suicide, I forbid it.
04:59No one in this family has ever committed suicide, and I'm sure we're not going to start on the day
05:04I'm having the new vicar for tea and light refreshments.
05:07I don't care what your romantic entanglements are, you cannot have dear dead mummy's wedding dress.
05:14Especially to be buried in.
05:17I can't live without Mr. Hepplewhite!
05:20Will you keep it down, Rose?
05:22I can't live without Mr. Hepplewhite.
05:25Not since the tragedy.
05:27Well, it's what happens to all men in the end.
05:30He's gone back to his wife.
05:33I have to die.
05:35I threatened him, I would.
05:36What do you fancy in the three o'clock?
05:38Rainbow lady.
05:41That's it.
05:43I want to be buried in mummy's wedding dress.
05:46You've got a bloody cheek being buried in white.
05:50I don't see why you should have the dress anyway.
05:53She was my mother too.
05:55The least you can do is have a little sympathy for your sister when she's determined to die.
06:00Have you seen my library book?
06:03Do you look where it usually is?
06:05Under the settee.
06:09No, Hyacinth.
06:10Not the wedding dress.
06:12Our Daisy's library book.
06:14Who is Mr. Hepplewhite?
06:16She met him last week.
06:18Oh, he's lasted nearly a week then.
06:21Thought it was the real thing this time.
06:24And what does Boris think?
06:25Oh, she doesn't tell Boris.
06:29What's the point in hurting Boris?
06:33She's very thoughtful, your Rose.
06:36She's got a good heart.
06:38Pity she hasn't got a head to match.
06:46Psst.
06:49Psst.
06:53Psst.
06:57Psst.
06:57Oh, dear, good morning.
07:00It's a lovely day, isn't it?
07:02Mind you, I shan't see much of it.
07:04Did I tell you I was having the new vicar today for tea and light refreshments?
07:09Say it for all times.
07:11She's plainly seething with envy.
07:14Morning.
07:14Hey, Richard.
07:16I will not have you waving in dirty gardening gloves.
07:20They get dirty when you're gardening, doesn't it?
07:23Can't you keep one pair for gardening and one pair for waving?
07:28I've been standing in that doorway for two minutes trying to attract your attention.
07:33I was working.
07:34Well, you've no right to be working when I'm hissing at you.
07:36I've got Rose on the telephone.
07:38She's going to...
07:42Not again.
07:44Who is it this time?
07:45I think she said a Mr. Heppelwhite.
07:47Oh, well, that's all right then.
07:49Nobody ever committed suicide for somebody called Heppelwhite.
07:51Will you keep your voice down, Richard?
07:54I've got Elizabeth in the kitchen.
07:56I don't want her overhearing family scandal.
07:58Now, I want you to go inside, Richard, and engage Elizabeth in conversation.
08:02I don't want her listening while I'm trying to calm Rose down.
08:10I'm not into gardening shoes, Richard.
08:12Go round the back.
08:23Yes, of course I'm here, Rose.
08:25I've been here all the time, dear.
08:27Now, pull yourself together, Rose.
08:29What can possibly happen once a week on Wednesdays
08:32to make Mr. Heppelwhite so necessary to you?
08:40Richard!
08:41Are you talking to Elizabeth?
08:43I'm talking, I'm talking.
08:46Rose, I know I asked the question,
08:49but I'm not standing here surrounded by expensive wallpaper
08:52to be given details like that.
08:55It's not an excessive year for Greenfly.
09:03Like something, anyway.
09:05They are there, but not in excess.
09:08Yes.
09:09Oh, that was Rose.
09:11She turns to me for advice.
09:13All the family do.
09:14Ring higher since they say she'll know.
09:16It gets very wearing.
09:18Thank you, dear.
09:20Anything wrong?
09:22Wrong? No, no.
09:24Why should there be anything wrong?
09:25No, it's just sister talk.
09:27I like weekly reports on Daddy's condition.
09:29How is your father?
09:30Oh, tragic.
09:32A brilliant IQ struggling with senility.
09:36Because I'd love to have him here, but he drops food everywhere.
09:41Now, Richard, don't just sit there, dear.
09:43Wash your hands, change your shoes,
09:45and then I want you to go to the wholesome bakery
09:48where you will speak to the manager about their delivery policy.
09:56And then you will return here with six superior fresh cream cakes.
10:04What about their delivery policy?
10:06Inept.
10:07Point to the folly of their not understanding customers of our social status.
10:13Biscathing Richard.
10:14Crush them.
10:25I should have wear a silt or something casual.
10:28Casual might give the wrong impression, dear.
10:30Oh, it is Saturday.
10:32Exactly. Nearly Sunday.
10:35The new vicar probably has half his mind already on tomorrow's religious duties.
10:40In which case, Richard, it seems hardly fitting for you to come slinking in dressed for frivolity.
10:46Frivolity?
10:4730 years married, I can't remember a single frivol.
10:53Wear a suit, dear.
10:56And answer that, will you?
11:03It's for you, it's Elizabeth.
11:06From next door?
11:11Get something on.
11:12You shouldn't be answering the phone to ladies in that condition.
11:16Elizabeth!
11:19Yes, certainly I'll give you the benefit of my opinion.
11:32Oh, yes, I like that. I've always liked that.
11:35I haven't had it all that long.
11:37It's very suitable, dear.
11:40You'll blend beautifully into the background.
11:45This suit?
11:47Good grief, Richard. Why do you always ask me?
11:50I don't determine what people wear.
11:54Do I take it? That's a yes.
11:57Can't you find a more religious tie?
12:04You look very nice, Elizabeth.
12:07Thank you, Richard.
12:08You too. Very smart.
12:11Casual would have been nice.
12:13Richard?
12:15Duty calls?
12:17Frequently.
12:37Yeah?
12:38Buy something, sir, from a gypsy woman and be lucky.
12:41You be lucky.
12:42How about buying from me?
12:44I bet your old man's got a lot more in his back pocket than I have.
12:48I could let him have that old wreck in the garden.
12:53It's not there. I mean the car.
12:56Buy something from the gypsy, missus, and be lucky.
12:59I don't know whether I've got any change.
13:00She hasn't.
13:01I'm able to tell you that because, A, I'm psychic,
13:04and, B, I'm the one that goes through her pockets.
13:08It's bad luck not to buy something.
13:11What are you selling, anyway?
13:13Ribbons and lucky charms.
13:14Just what I've always wanted.
13:18Has she got any love potions or open raisers?
13:22What are your fortune, lady?
13:24She knows her fortune. She's been moaning about it all day.
13:26Oh, will you get out of the doorway on, Sloan?
13:29Let the gypsy in.
13:31Where's she going?
13:32I'm not standing out here having my fortune told.
13:35You're very fussy for someone who's about to commit suicide.
13:39I can see you're troubled in love.
13:41Oh, right.
13:44I think she'll wonder how they do it.
13:47It's bad luck not to buy something from a gypsy.
13:51Bad luck?
13:53When we live like this, how can you be scared of bad luck?
13:57Now, I think when they come, I'll sit you there, Elizabeth.
14:04I'll have the vicar here, next to me, of course.
14:08And we'll leave that one for the vicar's wife.
14:11And Richard will sit next to her.
14:14Right?
14:16Oh, sorry, vicar.
14:19Now, topics of conversation.
14:22Must keep everything wholesome.
14:24Nothing controversial.
14:26Richard, I think I'd have our holiday snaps at the ready.
14:29And when they begin to pall, I shall regale the vicar with tales of Sheridan's academic prowess.
14:35I hope that's not a cancellation.
14:37He may have been called away for a funeral.
14:42How inconsiderate of people to die at the weekend.
14:45The Bucay residence, the lady of the house speak.
14:49No, you cannot have three of 22 and a portion of 19-week chips.
14:53This is not the Chinese takeaway.
14:55This is a private, slimline, pearl-white telephone with no oriental associations whatsoever.
15:02That was at Middleton.
15:04Wrong number.
15:06The Chinese takeaway again.
15:08We ought to change our number.
15:10I will not change our number.
15:12I've written to British Telecom insisting that they change the Chinese number.
15:17I've told them I won't stand here listening to people breathing soya sauce down the telephone.
15:24I think I heard a car.
15:26Hmm?
15:28Oh, no.
15:34You tell her.
15:36Me?
15:37Tell her there, Synth.
15:38There's only two things wrong with that.
15:40One, she never listens to anybody.
15:42And two, she certainly never listens to me.
15:45That means I'll have to tell her.
15:48She's your sister.
15:50She'll go mad.
15:51That could be an improvement.
15:56They're coming in.
15:58Of course they're coming in.
15:59Now, I want you to get that car away from this property.
16:02I want them and it out of the avenue.
16:05I just can't send them away.
16:07I want them out of the way before the vicar comes.
16:11Hyacinth?
16:12Isn't that your doorbell?
16:14It does that sometimes.
16:16It's part of a very expensive test system.
16:20You'll have to see them, Hyacinth.
16:22They can have two minutes on the doorstep.
16:25What?
16:27Daisy!
16:28What a surprise.
16:30How nice of you to call on the way to town.
16:32Let me walk you to the car.
16:33I'm not going to town.
16:34I'm not going to town on such a pleasant Saturday.
16:37Of course, I'd love you to stay, but I'm expecting the new vicar for tea and night refreshments.
16:41You should have telephoned.
16:43We tried to telephone, but you're engaged.
16:44I was dealing with a wrong number.
16:47Some damn fool thinks I'm a Chinese restaurant.
16:50Tell her.
16:52Tell me what?
16:53It's Dad.
16:55Daddy?
16:56What's wrong with Daddy?
16:58Not a lot, apparently.
17:00Be quiet, Hanslow.
17:02Tell me what's wrong with Daddy.
17:04He's missing.
17:06Missing? Of course, he's not missing.
17:08I expect he's just mislaid.
17:10He's run off with a gypsy.
17:12Keep your voice down.
17:15How could he ever run off with a gypsy?
17:17Well, on his bike, for starters.
17:19We had a gypsy at the house.
17:21She was selling Rose her fortune.
17:24When she left, Dad must have followed.
17:27Daddy with a golden earring.
17:30It's unthinkable.
17:32Should we call the police?
17:33No. No police.
17:35We don't need any scandal.
17:37You must go and find him.
17:38What's going on, Hyacinth?
17:40Richard will go with you.
17:43It's Daddy.
17:44He's been kidnapped by gypsies.
17:47Now, rush to Daddy's assistance.
17:52I thought, traditionally, they only kidnapped children.
17:56Bring Daddy back to me, Richard.
18:00As far as daisies, anyway.
18:19No police.
18:21What is it, Hyacinth?
18:23It's Daddy.
18:23He's been kidnapped by gypsies.
18:25Oh, my God.
18:27We must ring the police.
18:28No.
18:29No police.
18:31We can't.
18:32Daisy's wearing a slipper, so Onslow's got bare arms.
18:38Why would the gypsies kidnap your father, hmm?
18:42I expect for ransom.
18:45They'll be after my very expensive Royal Doot in China
18:48with the hand-painted periwinkles.
18:55Why would he run away with a gypsy?
18:59Let's put it this way.
19:00Just hope you catch him before he gets married.
19:03I thought he was in bed.
19:05I could hear his telling.
19:07I mean, how are you supposed to anticipate your own father
19:10sneaking out under the cover of television in pursuit of a gypsy?
19:14Has he always fancied the Roman-y life?
19:17He never said.
19:20We're running dry.
19:21Can he petal money?
19:23I didn't bring a purse.
19:26Down to you, Dickie.
19:27I've changed my clothes.
19:29I've left all my money at home.
19:31Now, I want you to sit here, Vicar.
19:36I've had many a religious inspiration on that sofa.
19:43And if your charming wife would like to sit here,
19:46where she'll be within easy reach of my tasty homemade canapes.
19:50It's very kind of you to invite us, Mrs. Bucket.
19:53It's bouquet, Vicar.
19:54Oh, I'm sorry.
19:57It's of French origin.
19:59I believe my husband's family in the distant past were Hugenex or something.
20:06Not that there's any French blood in him now, of course.
20:09No, you may rest assured, Vicar, you're quite safe.
20:11There are no French habits here.
20:17Elizabeth, if you could pass round my royal doolton with the hand-painted periwinkles.
20:22Must I, Hyacinth?
20:24I'm terrified of dropping one.
20:26It is lovely china, Mrs. Bucket.
20:28Bouquet.
20:30It is something of a family heirloom.
20:36Look, I think it really would be better, Hyacinth, if we all helped ourselves.
20:39Yes, we can do that.
20:40Yes, jolly good idea.
20:42I did have in mind something rather more orderly.
20:50If the assembled company would please excuse me.
20:55Something's just come up.
21:08What are you doing back here?
21:10Why did you bring them back here?
21:11I want some petrol money.
21:13It's in my other suit.
21:14Get them out of sight.
21:16As soon as I get the money.
21:24Why don't you get in the car, Anselo?
21:27I'm sure it's going to rain.
21:29Yes, it is.
21:30I can feel it now.
21:31Rain.
21:33I can feel a thing.
21:34Any minute now.
21:35There it is.
21:36Wayne.
21:39If we can't find Dad, we'll have to ring the police.
21:43I will not have this family involved with the police.
21:46Hey, they're all right.
21:47We'll get to know them.
21:49I don't want to let them know you.
21:55Isn't that our rules?
21:59Oh, my God.
22:03What are you doing in black?
22:06I'm in mourning.
22:07Who for?
22:08For me.
22:10Nobody else will.
22:12Mr. Heberwhite doesn't care.
22:14Rose, what are you doing here?
22:16I've come for Mummy's wedding dress.
22:19I've told you, you can't have...
22:20It won't fit you, anyway.
22:21It'll do to be buried in.
22:25You can't put them there.
22:26There's vicar's in there.
22:27Oh, great.
22:27He can read me the burial service.
22:30Oh, no.
22:34It's somebody she's very close to.
22:41You can't just burst in.
22:43They're having tea and light refreshments.
22:44You can't begrudge a person of vicar when they're on the brink of the grave.
22:48You're not on the brink, Rose.
22:49You've hardly set foot in the cemetery.
22:52Have you any idea of the love I bear for Mr. Heberwhite?
22:55You're dropping petals on my lacquered wood block.
22:59This is the last time I shall inconvenience you.
23:02Don't try and stop me.
23:04It's cruel to ask me to live with a broken heart.
23:07Rose.
23:10He's very young.
23:12You never said he was young.
23:14What's very wicked of you, Hyacinth, keeping him all to yourself?
23:19Rose.
23:24The bouquet residence, the lady of the house, speak.
23:28Oh, Sheridan, how wonderful to hear your voice, dear.
23:30What a close psychic bond between you and I.
23:35Fifty pounds?
23:36Why do you need fifty pounds, dear?
23:39Why do you want curtain material?
23:41A flat?
23:42Whose flat?
23:44Sheridan, you're not moving in with some designing female.
23:48Oh, it's not a girl's flat, it's a boy's flat.
23:52And you're making your own curtains.
23:54How inventive.
23:56Your friend always makes his own curtains.
24:03Sorry, Dickie.
24:04Don't worry.
24:08You shouldn't be muttering things like that, Onslow.
24:11Not with a vicar in the vicinity.
24:14Oh, by all means, send me a sample of his embroidery.
24:18It's a lifeline, finding someone you can confide in.
24:21Rose.
24:21What a pity you don't do confession.
24:23Rose.
24:23You could have a ball in that.
24:25Rose.
24:26Rose, where are you going with the vicar?
24:27Show me, dear.
24:28Hold just a moment.
24:30I'm sure she's not hurt.
24:31She only needs a shoulder to cry on.
24:33She didn't look as though she was about to cry to me.
24:36She was doing everything but bite his neck.
24:38She's very emotional, dear.
24:40Think of it as a hormone imbalance.
24:43We do.
24:44We always think of it as a hormone imbalance.
24:48Don't think of the kind of the vicar.
24:50He may have saved my sister from a desperate act.
24:53Where's my husband?
24:54Which way did he go?
24:55Where's my husband?
25:01Really, I must stay.
25:02Oh, by the way, Dad's come by with a stack of ribbons and lucky charms.
25:06Come on.
25:07Where is he going?
25:08Where is she taking him?
25:09Where is he going?
25:10He's probably better off down there than listening to what Onzo's saying.
25:13Love all the bleep.
25:20Do feel free to pop in at any time, dear.
25:24There will always be a welcome for you at the bouquets.
25:28What a disaster to my tea and light refreshments.
25:33I could murder some light refreshments.
25:36If it wasn't for Sheridan's good news, I don't know what this day would have been.
25:41Good news from Sheridan?
25:42He's moved in with a very suitable friend.
25:45They're making their own curtains.
25:48Apparently, his friend's very good with a needle.
25:51He has prizes for embroidery.
25:55Well, you'd better come out and have some tea and light refreshments.
26:01Onzo, before you come in, just shift this wreck next door, will you?
26:08Prizes for embroidery.
26:10Let's move the car, shall we?
26:12Onzo.
26:12No.