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00:02is that the water board then I'd like to speak to someone in charge my name is
00:08bouquet yes I'll spell it b-u-c-k-e-t no it's bouquet I want whoever you've got
00:19there in a managerial capacity well it could be an emergency I'm not sure
00:24that's what I want to find out yes I'll wait hello no it's bouquet I didn't say it was an
00:40emergency well how am I to recognize if it's an emergency that's what I expect
00:45you to tell me what do you mean it's my water that's the very point is it my
00:53water when I turned on my tap this morning it didn't look like my water it's
00:58not as bright and sparkling as I'm accustomed to it looks to me as if it's
01:03been used are you changing my supply because if you are I shall want a
01:11detailed explanation of where it comes from now please don't take that tone with
01:16me I expect my former water to be restored immediately a bathroom with
01:22gold-plated taps is no place for you to be trying to offload secondhand water I
01:28must warn you my husband is a power in local authority a man of the height of
01:33his executive skills and I shall have no hesitating
01:39hello hello upstart plumber we're gonna have to ask our hyacinth to your birthday party on slow oh nice if
01:58we're having a family get together tomorrow we can't not invite our hyacinth
02:02happy birthday on slow maybe she can't come she'll come I know she'll come I have this terrible feeling she'll
02:12come
02:15you've got to think of something Richard I have a feeling that they're going to
02:19invite us to celebrate on slow's birthday now I don't want to upset them but you
02:24know what it's going to be like bun fight at the okay corral I know that Daisy is
02:31planning to take him to some restaurant for lunch but if it's on slow's choice
02:35we're going to be knee-deep in chips and sauce bottles in the first five minutes
02:40you've got to get me out of it now
02:44but this is important it's very important Richard
02:48I can't believe you're so busy that you've got to go this instant
02:51and I wish you'd stopped whispering dear
02:54I do have to go I said I'm not being obstructed the committee's waiting I'm in a meeting
03:00I'll ring you back sorry sorry sorry family emergency
03:30and notice the thread of smoke lovely morning Emmett do bring Elizabeth in for coffee
03:39I'm I'm very busy heartened
03:41you don't look busy
03:45I think we've got a mole
03:48oh how tiresome I'll put the kettle on
03:55the phone I think I can hear the phone
03:59it's a call I've been expecting
04:00it means I'm going to have to pop into town for a while
04:03and I'm going to miss your delicious coffee house
04:05oh damn
04:07oh what a pity
04:11ah there's my telephone
04:14now that could be a really important call
04:21the bouquet residence the lady of the house speaking
04:25oh it's you Daisy
04:32of course we'd love to come to Onslow's birthday party
04:36what kind of you to invite us dear
04:38I know that Richard will be delighted
04:42where is it dear
04:46a surprise oh well that that that that's nice
04:52but it's one of Onslow's favorite places
04:56I can't wait
04:58you can leave the car at home then Richard can have a drink
05:03well our roses gentleman friend will pick you up
05:07what sort of car has he got I know what sort of car he's got
05:10what sort of car has he got
05:11you needn't worry it's a big car
05:14he's not without means
05:17it's a huge limousine
05:19you won't be disappointed
05:22Mr. Marinopoulos has his own business
05:24look he's not short of a bob or two
05:27I don't just go out with rubbish you know
05:30is she coming?
05:31she's coming
05:32she's coming
05:33oh nice
05:35only a year older but a meal with hyacinth
05:39don't be miserable
05:40just make the best of it
05:43it's your birthday
05:44I hate birthdays
05:46we'll have to get a babysitter for me dad
05:48she'll pop in from next door
05:50I'll tell you what
05:51I'll babysit your dad
05:53even talking rubbish
05:55he makes more sense than your hyacinth
05:58we'll sit you next to Richard
06:00you like Richard
06:01how can you not like Richard
06:03you just feel so sorry for him
06:06the man in the iron mask
06:12we've all heard the recommendations
06:13and it's obvious on which side
06:15the weight of opinion lies
06:16that being the case
06:18I'm going to make the following proposition
06:20firstly
06:21I think we should
06:23would someone get that?
06:27yes
06:29ah
06:29it's for you Richard
06:31what's your wife
06:32again
06:41what is it this time?
06:43right I'll meet you at lunchtime
06:46well I'm very glad that Rose has got a wealthy Greek boyfriend
06:48but hi I said I'll be to meet him
07:00another family emergency
07:10what are you hiding for?
07:12I'm not hiding
07:13you're hiding
07:16you know perfectly well why I'm hiding
07:18Emmet
07:19you live here now
07:20this is your front garden
07:22you can't never use it
07:23just because hyacinth may appear
07:26you take her too seriously
07:28the trick with hyacinth
07:30the trick with hyacinth
07:31is to just let things wash over you
07:32I think that's how Richard survives
07:36you're right Liz
07:37it's ridiculous
07:39I'm a grown man
07:41I'm married
07:42well
07:43divorced
07:46why should I creep about
07:48in my own sister's front garden
07:50you're quite right
07:52it's ridiculous
07:59did I just see someone
08:01disappearing around the corner of the house?
08:03did you?
08:04I never noticed
08:05I thought I saw a moving figure
08:08I wonder who that could have been
08:11I'm just off to town
08:13I have some purchases to make
08:15we have an important social occasion tomorrow
08:18oh that's nice
08:19we're having a meal
08:20with my sister Rosie's
08:22wealthy gentleman friend
08:23he's calling for us in his limousine
08:25very stylish
08:26he's Greek you know
08:28it's terrifying how wealthy they are
08:31I expect we'll be in for a boring time
08:34as he talks about his oil tankers
08:35and his offshore funds
08:37well I must be off
08:39unfortunately
08:40I have to catch the bus
08:43give my love to Emmett
08:53these are rather lovely
08:55I'll be with you in a moment madam
08:57no hurry
08:58I'll just have a browse
09:00through your quality items
09:04usually by Onslow
09:05anything expensive
09:06well he is family after all
09:09he's been family for a long time
09:11this is the first occasion
09:13he's been in line for anything expensive
09:15Richard we shall be quite an intimate
09:17little group at luncheon tomorrow
09:19you surely don't imagine
09:21that I could present Onslow
09:22with something cheap and tawdry
09:24in front of Rosie's wealthy gentleman friend
09:26oh I see
09:28I have my pride
09:31lucky for Onslow
09:32I've bought something expensive
09:35but tasteful
09:37pair of cufflinks
09:42he never wears a shirt
09:44precisely
09:45so we must encourage him
09:48and a pair of gold cufflinks
09:50might do the trick
09:51gold plated I hope
09:53certainly not
09:55nothing less than 18 carat
09:58how wealthy is Rosie's gentleman friend
10:01he's Greek dear
10:03Marinopoulos
10:05you must have heard the name
10:06he's always in the gossip columns
10:08or the financial press
10:09oil tankers and things
10:11that was Onassis
10:14no there's another one
10:18Marinopoulos
10:19yes I'm sure it was
10:23yes madam
10:24oh
10:25I'm looking for something
10:27very expensive
10:28but tasteful
10:30for my brother-in-law's birthday
10:32I thought perhaps
10:33something exquisite
10:34in cufflinks
10:35with pleasure madam
10:37if you'd care to take a seat
10:38I'll show you the best I have
10:39oh thank you
10:44are you sure
10:45that Rosie's gentleman friend
10:47is wealthy
10:47they're not usually wealthy
10:49they're usually well
10:50the word desperate springs to mind
10:53this one has a huge car
10:55Rose was most clear about that
10:57we'll be picked up by it
10:59in the morning
11:02then you won't have to drive
11:04so you can enjoy a little drink
11:06what about Rosie's gentleman friend
11:08won't he want a drink
11:09don't expect he'll be driving
11:11why do you think he employs a chauffeur
11:16you are madam
11:19these are the best we have
11:21in 18 carat
11:26oh
11:28yes
11:30Richard
11:36what do you think
11:38we should have them engraved
11:39what a good idea
11:41certainly madam
11:42by tomorrow morning
11:43could you do that
11:44of course madam
11:45it will be rather more expensive
11:46at such short notice
11:49he must be more clever
11:50brother-in-law
11:51hmm
11:53hmm
11:54hmm
12:05and don't be late this evening
12:07try not to phone me in any more meetings
12:10I want you to be on time particularly this evening
12:13there's a great deal to be done
12:15if I'm to have a few people in
12:17for pre-lunch and cocktails tomorrow
12:18I thought we were going to one best party
12:21we are
12:22but I see no reason why I can't have a few people in for pre-lunch and cocktails
12:27it'll give the right impression when Mr. Maranopoulos arrives
12:31let him see we have a solid social position
12:36so that he knows from word one that he's amongst his own kind
12:44have we got any cocktails
12:46well people make them dear
12:48they mix things
12:49yes but they have to have things they can mix
12:52well bring a few things home
12:54you expect me to think of everything
12:57we've got to use those cocktails when we've just spent the budget on arms those puppies
13:01Richard
13:03we're about to mingle with oil dear
13:06I hope you're not going to be a pinch penny
13:34are we getting a taxi?
13:37what?
13:38tomorrow
13:39no
13:41if I have to drive I shall be able to drink
13:44we're all going in Mr. Maranopoulos' car
13:51who they asked Mr. Maranopoulos?
13:55it's our Rose's new gentleman friend
14:01he's giving us all a lift you see
14:02it's all arranged
14:04they'll drop us off at the restaurant and then go on and pick up Harsons and Richard
14:09how long's she known this Maranopoulos chap?
14:12does it matter?
14:14of course it matters
14:14you know your Rose
14:17they don't last long with your Rose
14:19just make sure she doesn't finish with him till after we've all had a drink
14:28yes this is on very short notice
14:31will therefore require all my organisational talents
14:34but it will be marvellous if you can help me Elizabeth
14:37I'd love to Hyacinth
14:38but I plan to go
14:39love you dear
14:40well that's nice
14:42now I want you to look through my collection of oat cuisine cookery books
14:48without of course creasing the pages
14:50and find little things that we can do quickly on sticks
14:53you know the sort of thing
14:55tasty little morsels
14:56of the highest social calibre
14:59now there's not much time
15:00and there's a lot for us to do
15:02so you'll have to work miracles
15:04meanwhile I'll have to see who I can invite here
15:06at such short notice
15:08I'd better miss the list
15:10it's you and Emmet of course
15:12oh no no
15:13I don't know about Emmet
15:14I think he might have some rehearsals tomorrow
15:17he can spare an hour dear
15:18you wouldn't want him to miss the opportunity
15:20of meeting a Greek shipping millionaire
15:22so that's you and Emmet
15:25oh and I'll invite the vicar
15:28I'll ring Mrs Barker Finn
15:30she won't come of course
15:31but she'll be furious when she finds out what she's missed
15:33I wonder about the major
15:36oh just for an hour
15:37in broad daylight
15:38in a crowded room
15:39I should be safe with the major
15:41have you ever had any trouble with the major
15:43trouble?
15:44no I don't suppose you would have
15:47I'll risk it
15:49the major always adds a little tone
15:51make Mr Maranopolis realise
15:53that we may not all be millionaires
15:55but we do have our standards
15:57you haven't got very far dear
16:01are there any other Greeks coming?
16:03oh no dear
16:05they break plates
16:08he may have a tanker in every port
16:10but I'm not sacrificing my royal doelton
16:12with the hand-painted periwinkles
16:15there aren't that many left
16:25can you get it dear?
16:31the vicarage
16:33it's the bucket woman
16:40do you want to go for cocktails tomorrow?
16:48of course we'd love to
16:51but the vicar will be heavily engaged tomorrow
16:55he's visiting a very old sick parishioner
17:02no I don't think we could do that
17:04I don't think we could bring her
17:06and leave her outside
17:11oh the vicar can't come
17:14oh I am surprised
17:16perhaps it's the idea of cocktails
17:19I hope I haven't offended
17:20his religious scruples
17:22oh if you haven't found anything in these
17:24I've got some more books
17:30the bouquet residence
17:32the lady of the house speaking
17:34oh it's you Violet
17:37how are you dear?
17:39it's my sister Violet
17:41the one who married the turf accountant
17:43large house
17:44swimming pool room for a pony
17:45I know the one
17:46calling for their villa in Ibiza
17:51Violet dear
17:52there seems to be some interference on the line
17:56sounds like someone's sobbing dear
18:00oh that's Bruce
18:03look why is Bruce sobbing?
18:07but is it a large tear in his flamenco frock?
18:12can't you mend it for him dear?
18:15look Violet
18:16I'm sorry dear
18:17but I haven't time today for all this
18:20I have a very full social calendar
18:22it's Onslow's birthday party tomorrow
18:24and cocktails with a Greek shipping millionaire
18:28now I know I've never mentioned any Greek millionaire to you dear
18:31but I'm not the sort of person who brags about her social connections
18:37you'll just have to cope with Bruce dear
18:39keep him out of the sun
18:41I'm sorry Violet
18:42I'll have to go
18:45yes I know it's a harsh world dear
18:48but there are far worse things than your husband
18:50dancing on restaurant tables with his hair in a bun
18:55heaven they're in Ibiza
19:00three five four nine
19:03ah the bucket filly
19:06pronounced bouquet
19:10to a what?
19:12a cocktails and canapé hour?
19:15my god yes
19:16I must have a recce at that
19:18I'm afraid the old ball will change away at the moment
19:20but I can come
19:24do I speak Greek?
19:27I only went seriously under the influence
19:29oh girl
19:29didn't they tell me I'm fluent?
19:33a millionaire is he?
19:35well something shady I shouldn't wonder
19:38I should watch your little self there
19:41yes of course I'll come you little minx
19:43have me here
19:44what is it?
19:46things on sticks I expect
19:49well it'll be worth it
19:50if I can snatch just five minutes madness in your company
19:55see you on parade
19:59what did the major say?
20:01hmm?
20:02I think he's coming
20:02oh that's good
20:04yes isn't it
20:06as long as I can remember to keep on the move
20:26leave your tie alone on slow
20:28what a way to spend your birthday
20:30he's here
20:31Mr. Marinoppos is here
20:34I don't care if he is Greek
20:35I'm not having any kebabs
20:38especially on my birthday
20:39I'll be nice to him on slow
20:41I'll be nice to him as long as I'm not eating kebabs
20:43I can't cope with your hyacinth and a kebab
20:49this is my gentleman friend
20:51Mr. Marinoppos
20:53this is my brother-in-law on slow
20:56happy birthday on slow
20:58you think so?
20:59oh yeah
20:59wait till you meet our hyacinth
21:02and this is my sister Daisy
21:04pleased to meet you I'm sure
21:06very nice
21:08oh
21:09oh
21:09oh
21:10oh
21:13well we ought to be off then
21:15shall we Mr. Marinoppos
21:17thank you
21:19she's right
21:20he's very smart
21:22oh nice
21:23it's only two minutes and he's biting your hand
21:26oh by the way
21:28Mr. Marinoppos would like to apologise
21:30his limousine's having a gearbox change
21:32so he's had to bring his other vehicle
21:34is there room for all of us
21:36oh room to spare
21:40come on on slow
21:41come on
21:41come on
21:42come on
22:01he's having a kiss on your hand did you wait till midnight he'll probably go for your neck
22:08oh
22:09so much to my darling musical Sheridan coming home
22:12and he and Emma will be duetting for the rest of their lives
22:15anyone for a prune surprise
22:17there are plenty more
22:20let's know what
22:21oh
22:21doctor's orders I believe
22:23they'll go over to you
22:24to like one of the specialities of the house
22:26and so
22:27my Sheridan says these are what I do best
22:30and they always go like hotcakes
22:33any chance of another top-up you devastating creature
22:36I think you've reached your limit
22:38where are you going to show me round your married quarters there
22:41now put yourself together dear
22:42you're wearing the regimental tie
22:44well come on be a soldier's girl
22:46enlist
22:47I'll begin it
22:51no I'll go dear
22:52I'll go
22:53I'll go
22:58hello hyacinth
23:00you look nice
23:10he can't help it
23:11his limousine's having a gearbox change
23:21just go outside and tell him to drive round the block until I get rid of my guests
23:25what about my cocktail
23:32thank you so much
23:34thank you so much for coming
23:34goodbye
23:35goodbye
23:40goodbye
23:44aren't they lovely
23:46you know there are some beautiful ones
23:50down the avenue
23:51that way on the left
23:55bye Elizabeth
23:57bye Emmett
24:04bye major
24:07so glad you could come
24:09it made all the difference to my little party
24:15oh by the way
24:17have you noticed our new slashings
24:19the lead came from a disused monastery
24:21just outside Toulouse
24:24I hope you enjoyed my prong and dance and dip
24:28I'll let you have the recipe
24:30much of the credit of course
24:31must go to my friend and neighbour Elizabeth
24:34of course she did work under my supervision
24:39where does Richard get his reserves of pure courage
24:42well Richard has a very patient and kindly nature
24:47also I think he lives in a quiet little world of his own
24:50he deserves the Nobel Prize
24:51for peace
24:57I think it's called a fancy japonica
25:00you should see mine in the conservatory
25:02blooms this big
25:03I'm sure it would interest your good lady
25:15well it's the damn green fly you know
25:17I'm sure that major's anxious to get home
25:20oh no rush for dear
25:22they're a very close couple
25:24of course they're close
25:26she has him on a lead
25:29so at least their marriage survives
25:31my husband works abroad
25:33you're divorced
25:34who are we to criticise
25:35anyway it's none of our business
25:37good grief woman
25:39this is a piece of pure scientific research
25:42if Richard can put up with hyacinth
25:44it means man is indestructible
25:47no limits to his powers of endurance
25:55I am sorry to hurry you
25:58but I have an important luncheon engagement
26:06what do you think of lost conversions
26:08oh you feel an excellent bedroom
26:12huh
26:13somewhere where you can hide away
26:16eh
26:19why does that hearse keep going round
26:22in the air
26:24for this much I'll tell you now
26:26there's a pair of cufflinks
26:29that's going back to the jeweler's
26:32first thing in the morning
26:36happy birthday
26:37on the show