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00:07Hello, you alright? Yeah, good thing.
00:10Did you see that film last night? It was Denzel Washington.
00:13No, I didn't know that. He's brilliant. He's a brilliant actor.
00:16He's very good. I like him. He's great. See you later.
00:24Yeah, see you later.
00:30He's not my favourite actor of all time, by the way.
00:33Oh, no. No. My favourite actor of all time is Mr Sidney Poitier.
00:38Oh. So, that's alright?
00:41Yeah, that's amazing.
00:51Gareth, are you building up your wrists? Yes.
00:55Alright. Well, when is the charity wankathon?
01:00I don't know, but you'd win it.
01:02That's good.
01:03Good. No, seriously, what are you doing?
01:05We're in Tyrion, aren't I? With the TAs.
01:09Alright.
01:12Yeah, yeah, I'll just come to apologise for that.
01:15Oh, Lee, don't worry about that.
01:17No, no, no, no. Look, I was out of order. My dad had a bad day. I was really wound
01:19up, so...
01:20No, I understand. I shouldn't have done that.
01:21Well, I'm sorry.
01:23So, we're cool, yeah?
01:25Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, totally cool. What's that?
01:28Yeah, actually.
01:29Is that for me?
01:30Yeah, yeah.
01:30Oh, cheers. Thanks.
01:32Just put your mind at rest. There's nothing going on between them.
01:35Because I would know I've been watching him like a hawk.
01:37And I imagine you've been watching her your end, so between us we've got it covered.
01:47Alright, see you then, mate.
01:48Yeah, alright. Thanks. Thanks for that, mate. Cheers.
01:56Probably a bowl or something.
01:58You reckon?
01:59Look at the shape.
02:05Today I'm doing our staff appraisals.
02:09And some people can get a little bit nervous about that,
02:11because they think they're, you know, walking the long mile to put their head on the block,
02:14which is wrong.
02:16They fill out a form in advance,
02:18and they don't only sort of list their strengths and weaknesses,
02:22but also mine is a boss, you know,
02:24so it's a chance for them to tell me where we're going wrong.
02:29And we can, you know, it's very much an opportunity to...
02:32Separate the wheat from the chaff.
02:33Well, no, that sounds bad.
02:35It's, you know, it's not a witch hunt.
02:36We're not trying to find out who the worst people are.
02:38Well, we know who they are already.
02:40Well, no.
02:41I've written them on my form.
02:42You shouldn't have written them on your form.
02:43I've underlined the worst ones.
02:45Were you missing the point?
02:47Yeah.
02:50Oh, David.
02:52There he is.
02:53Tim Canterbury.
02:54Good man.
02:55The Canterbury Tales.
02:57Of Chaucer.
02:58Yep.
02:59And Shakespeare.
03:04Pleased with you.
03:05Very proud.
03:06New Leaf, etc.
03:08Trust, encouragement, reward, loyalty, satisfaction.
03:12That's what I'm, you know, probably wondering why I am so generous with encouragement.
03:18Trust people, and they will be true to you.
03:21Treat them greatly, and they will share themselves to be great.
03:26That's...
03:27So?
03:28Happier now?
03:29No looking back?
03:29Well, I am still eventually going to go back to uni and do a psychology degree, but...
03:33No point.
03:34No point.
03:34No point.
03:35No point.
03:35Sure.
03:3618, 19, go university, get out of your system.
03:38You know, waste time mucking around, getting drunk, getting up at midday.
03:42Having casual sex.
03:43Having casual sex, you know.
03:44But we're in our thirties now.
03:45Well, I'm only just thirty.
03:46Are you...
03:47You must be thirty-nine?
03:48No.
03:48Both in our thirties.
03:49Is the fact.
03:51Alright.
03:51Yeah.
03:54And who's to say, you know, you keep your head down a few years' time, you could be
03:59in the hot seat.
04:01Like me.
04:02So...
04:02When I'm nearly forty?
04:03Well, we're both in our thirties at the moment, is what I'm, you know, just chewing
04:07the fat, you know, but...
04:09Good.
04:10You're on the right lines.
04:10So, uh, can I just...
04:12If we're facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.
04:21Yep.
04:21Very nice.
04:22You're quite a philosopher.
04:24Well, it's just that I think our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising
04:31every time we fall.
04:32Are you reading these?
04:32Am I what?
04:33Reading the quotes.
04:34Sort of.
04:35It doesn't...
04:37Confucius.
04:38Well, Bernard...
04:38It doesn't matter who said them first.
04:40I am passing on my wisdom to you.
04:43Cool.
04:43And don't tell those I've just been...
04:44Am I going to?
04:45Reading it.
04:45It's an insight.
04:46I'll put it down there if it's obvious.
04:47Well, I'm not saying.
04:52I always wanted to be a children's illustrator, and when people said to me, what do you do,
04:56I would say, well, I'm an illustrator, but I do some reception work for a bit
04:59of extra cash.
05:00And for years I was an illustrator who did some reception work.
05:04And then Lee thought it would be a good idea for us to both get full-time jobs.
05:09And, you know, then you're knackered after work, and it's hard to fit in time with illustrating.
05:14You know, so, now when people say, what do you do, I say I'm a receptionist.
05:22And a bloody good one, you know.
05:24Oh.
05:24And you'll always have the art, you know, keep up the doodling.
05:26Keep up the doodling.
05:28Always, you know.
05:29Pipe dreams are good, in a way.
05:31Well, still I hope it will happen.
05:33Keep the dream alive, because, you know, otherwise one day you'll go, oh, could I have made it?
05:38Yeah.
05:39And if you keep trying, at least then when it doesn't happen, you know, you can go, at least I'll
05:43give it a go, you know.
05:51Are you settling in all right?
05:53Yeah, I think it's...
05:54Having fun?
05:55Uh, yeah.
05:56Well, not fun.
05:57As much fun as you can have at Wernham Hall.
05:59Yeah, it's all right.
06:01How long were you at Swindon?
06:02Uh, two years.
06:04Right.
06:04Two years, yeah.
06:05Right.
06:06Okay, if you had to name a role model, someone who's influenced you, who would it be?
06:12What, like a historical person?
06:14No, someone who's influenced you.
06:14Someone in sort of general life, just someone who's been an influence on you.
06:18Um, well, I suppose my mum.
06:20She's just, she's strong, calm in the face of adversity.
06:25Um, oh, God, I remember when she had a hysterectomy.
06:28If it wasn't your mother, though.
06:30I mean, it doesn't even have to be a woman, it could be a, you know.
06:33Man.
06:33Yeah.
06:34Um, okay, well, I suppose if it was a man, it'd be my father.
06:38Not your father, I mean.
06:39No.
06:40Let's take your parents as read.
06:41I'm looking for someone in the sort of work-related arena.
06:44Right.
06:44He was influenced.
06:45Okay, well, um, I suppose Tim, then, he's always...
06:48Well, he's a friend, isn't he?
06:49Not a friend.
06:50And someone in authority.
06:51Maybe I didn't, you know...
06:52Uh, well, then I suppose Jennifer?
06:54Oh, I thought you said not a woman, didn't we?
06:56Or am I...?
06:58Uh, okay.
07:00Well, I suppose you're the only one who...
07:02Oh.
07:04Embarrassing.
07:04That's backfire, isn't it?
07:06Oh, dear.
07:07Very flattering.
07:09I don't...
07:09Can we put me?
07:10I don't know.
07:10Okay, Tim, then.
07:11Well, you said not Tim.
07:12So, do you want to put me or not?
07:14Right.
07:14So, shall I put strong role model?
07:16Okay.
07:16Yeah.
07:29Just a drill.
07:30Just a...
07:31Do not panic, okay?
07:33Come on, people.
07:33Let's get my room.
07:35Good man, you know.
07:36As if it was real.
07:37Come on.
07:37I'd be the last one out in this situation.
07:39Do not run and do not panic.
07:41That's what I do.
07:42Leave your personal possessions, come on.
07:43I do these every couple of months.
07:45You know, not that we have to do by law, but that's not what I do them.
07:47We're treating the different places.
07:48It's because even though I'm always cool in a situation like this, some people are not.
07:53And so, I try to make sure...
07:55I'll do that.
07:55It's alright.
07:56No, no, no, no.
07:57We will need it.
07:57We've got it.
07:58Go.
07:58What I do...
08:00So, I'm going to get you out of here, alright?
08:04So...
08:14Obviously, the lifts are out of bounds in a fire situation.
08:18So, the important thing is to step right down with it.
08:24This isn't worth it.
08:25It's stupid.
08:26Obviously, in a real situation, we take it all the way down, but this is just a drill,
08:29so I think we can leave her here.
08:30How much is the lift?
08:31No.
08:32Not even in a drill.
08:33Never use it.
08:34We'll be out having one minute.
08:35We'll be out having one minute.
08:35Come on.
08:39Come on.
08:40Come on.
08:42Come on.
08:42Come on.
08:48Come on.
08:51Come on.
08:53Come on.
08:54Come on.
08:56I've got no problem at all with him visiting every single child in the world on a single night.
09:00What I can't believe is that he's going to stand up there in Bernardo's arguing with old women.
09:03Come on.
09:05I don't know if you're aware of the situation that's arising here.
09:10I usually say clear of the ladies at work, but there is someone I've got my eye on.
09:15I won't say who.
09:17I don't know what Tim's playing at moving in.
09:19He's already embarrassed himself once before asking Dawn out, so this is only going to end
09:23in tears.
09:24Whereas I probably notice play it cool.
09:28He's not a man of the world like me.
09:32I can read women.
09:33And you've got to know their wants and their needs.
09:35And that can be anything from making sure she's got enough money to buy groceries each week
09:40to making sure she's gratified sexually after intercourse.
10:02I notice you were using all your best lines on Rachel.
10:06Best lines?
10:07Yeah.
10:08It's just being friendly.
10:09Yeah.
10:10Friendly.
10:11More than.
10:13More than.
10:14Friendly.
10:19Under strengths, you've just put accounts.
10:24Yeah.
10:28That's your job though.
10:29That's just, that's just.
10:32No.
10:32No, Keith.
10:34I was sort of looking for your skills within your job, so is there anything else you could
10:37have put there?
10:41No.
10:42Okay.
10:43Um.
10:45Under weaknesses, you've put eczema.
10:52You've had a really fantastically welcoming buffer.
10:55Yeah.
10:56The wine was something else though.
10:58Everyone's sort of quite friendly.
10:59Yeah, everyone's, and Tim, Tim seems nice.
11:02Hey, yeah.
11:03He's a good laugh.
11:05I was just going to, um, has he got a girlfriend or?
11:09Tim.
11:11Why?
11:11I don't think.
11:13Why, why?
11:15Would you?
11:17Hmm?
11:17Um.
11:19I don't know the equation.
11:19Yeah, I know, but I mean, if you weren't, would he be?
11:22If I weren't.
11:24I don't know the equation.
11:24I don't know.
11:27Okay.
11:29Right, you've left this section completely blank, Keith.
11:32You haven't done the Q&A.
11:34I thought that you filled that in.
11:36No, no, no, no.
11:36This is aimed at you.
11:37Look, um, look.
11:38To what extent do you believe that you have the skills and knowledge to perform your job effectively,
11:43and then you just tick one of the boxes?
11:45Not at all.
11:46To some extent.
11:47Very much so.
11:48Don't know.
11:49What would you tick?
11:52Don't know.
11:53Don't know.
11:55Um.
11:57Question two.
11:58Do you feel you have received adequate training to use your computer effectively?
12:07What are the options?
12:09Same as, they're always the same.
12:10Always the same.
12:11Not at all.
12:12To some extent.
12:13Very much so.
12:14Don't know.
12:15Don't know.
12:15Don't know again.
12:16Okay.
12:19Do you feel you are given the flexibility to decide how best to accomplish your goals?
12:29Do you want the options again?
12:30Yeah.
12:30Not at all.
12:32To some extent.
12:33Always the same.
12:34Very much so.
12:35Don't know.
12:36Don't know.
12:47Very much so.
12:49Don't know.
12:49Very much so.
12:50Do you remember what the question was?
12:51No.
12:51Okay.
12:52Do you, let's.
12:54We're going to leave that there.
12:58Yeah.
12:59And how that sounds working?
13:01I'm just going to, er, give the new Swindon that a bit of a, I mean not a, it's not
13:04an appraisal.
13:05As such, but, you know, and, er, yeah.
13:10Sorry, bye.
13:11I was just showing them.
13:12Keep them occupied.
13:13Boy.
13:14The main event.
13:15I hope you've worn them up better than last time.
13:18Don't look like it.
13:21Okay, see you later.
13:22See you later.
13:25Anyway.
13:26Good.
13:26Um.
13:27Hello.
13:30Er.
13:30Obviously I can't give you an appraisal as such.
13:32You haven't, you've only been here a week.
13:33But I did want to try and get a flavour of how you're all settling in.
13:37Erm.
13:38I know it's probably not the same vibe you used to.
13:40Neil.
13:40You're all with a bit more of an iron fist, I know, than me.
13:43But, er.
13:44Settling in?
13:45Having a good time?
13:49How is it different?
13:52More laid back, presumably.
13:55Think it's more laid back?
13:57Yeah.
13:58Yes.
13:59Yes.
14:00Say yes then, if you think.
14:01More laid back, more laid back, more fun.
14:04Well.
14:04Bella?
14:05Nothing.
14:05Go on.
14:08Well, we're actually used to doing stuff, like working hard, you know, being motivated.
14:13There's not much dynamism out there, is there?
14:15No.
14:16I mean, people look like they're getting away with murder.
14:18Having a laugh.
14:19Yes.
14:19Well, I think quite a few of us are bored.
14:23Oh.
14:23What, you preferred Swindon?
14:26More of a laugh.
14:27You're having a laugh saying that.
14:30What's so good about Swindon?
14:31Neil?
14:33Yeah, for one.
14:34What, you preferred Neil to me?
14:38Who thinks Neil's more of a laugh than me?
14:40Hands up.
14:42That's mental.
14:43Come off it.
14:44You.
14:45You.
14:46We're going to have a drink.
14:48Come up for a drink with me, and see who's more of a laugh.
14:50Yeah?
14:50Put your money where your mouth is.
14:51Right, we'll go for a drink at lunchtime.
14:53We'll go, right.
14:57Right.
14:58Here we are.
14:59Right, listen to our team.
15:00Okay?
15:00Lunchtime.
15:01Showing that lot what?
15:02What's that lot like?
15:03Yeah?
15:03Keith?
15:04What are you doing next time?
15:12Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous.
15:14No.
15:15Purely social.
15:16I know someone who is an alcoholic, and it is no laughing matter.
15:19Particularly for his wife.
15:20So.
15:21But she's got alopecia, so.
15:22Not a happy home life.
15:24And their eldest is like that.
15:26Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, so.
15:27Oh, that's probably what turned into it in the third place.
15:32So.
15:33Looking forward to the weekend?
15:35Yeah.
15:36Yeah.
15:36Cheers.
15:37Cheers.
15:38Mmm.
15:39That's a lovely drop of that.
15:40That's courage.
15:42Let's see.
15:42You get like that around here.
15:43Because the main brewery is in Reading.
15:46So.
15:46I'll let you do it.
15:47All over now do it in London and everything.
15:48So.
15:49But.
15:50What's the brewery in Swindon?
15:54Is there a big...
15:55It might be courage actually.
15:58I don't know.
15:58No.
16:00It's alright though, isn't it?
16:03Nice.
16:05Oh.
16:06Just a private joke.
16:06Alright.
16:08I was saying.
16:08This is nice.
16:09There's a lovely pub near me and the gardeners arms.
16:12What?
16:12What are you doing?
16:14Oh, it's just a bloke over there.
16:16Looks like someone we know.
16:17Okay.
16:18One at a time.
16:19Focus, yeah?
16:20So.
16:20You get more out of it in the long run.
16:22I'll wish you that.
16:23Erm.
16:28So.
16:28I forgot what to say then.
16:30That's what happens with ya.
16:33Courage.
16:36Three points.
16:37What?
16:37Don't do that in my head.
16:39Yeah.
16:39Unless you've changed into a dark.
16:41That's not your head.
16:42There is no past experience.
16:43Listen.
16:44I could be here and I would still get 180.
16:47Alright.
16:48Sorry.
16:48I mean.
16:49You alright?
16:50Straight.
16:51Erm.
16:52A couple of mates of mine are going down to Yeats's.
16:55The wine lodge?
16:56Classy.
16:57Joking.
16:57Well, I was wondering if you would like to come down with us.
17:00Or not.
17:02And you, Dawn, you can bring me if you like.
17:04Oh.
17:04I don't think we'll be able to.
17:05Okay.
17:06But erm.
17:06You can come?
17:09Yeah.
17:09Yeah, be great.
17:10Thanks.
17:11Great.
17:11Okay.
17:12Can you talk about tonight?
17:13Yeah.
17:13Yeah.
17:14Just, you know, after work?
17:15Yeah, alright.
17:16We'll have a couple of drinks, yeah.
17:17Cool.
17:18Excellent.
17:18Okay.
17:19Good work.
17:20See you in a bit, alright?
17:23It was fun.
17:24Yeah.
17:25Yes.
17:26Yeah.
17:27Cool.
17:29Cool as a cucumber.
17:53Good.
17:55It's alright.
18:00It's okay.
18:00Well, I've eaten here so, so if you want a really good pie, The Gardener's.
18:15it's been a wash out on it yeah I don't know why I bother if no one else is going
18:19to make
18:20the effort you know we have made the effort we have made the effort yeah I'm not having
18:26a go at you it's just obviously the best people haven't turned up and it's just I'm going to
18:50what are you doing enough I yeah yeah but you can have a laugh in public lunchtime on selfish a
18:58bit
18:58dangerous isn't it in an office do you want to want to work maybe you should work as it's quarter
19:03past
19:03to yeah we're just finishing up yeah we're just finishing off just want to be popular as the
19:07new boss oh love me pathetic um well I think we should call it a day there Tim do you
19:23mind putting
19:23there's a way guys can we get back to work um sorry David can I have a word please do
19:31you want
19:32um I'm confused I don't know what just happened there but obviously you've got a problem with
19:35something what is it no time for work wasn't it that's what you say let's work instead of mucking
19:38around right you see your attitude confuses me if you don't want to tell me what the problem is
19:42then fine but don't speak to me like that in front of staff okay because you're acting like a petulant
19:45kid young at heart if you've got a problem come and speak to me but don't stand out there and
19:51embarrass me and yourself because I will not stand for it okay I've been trying to be nice
19:55I've been trying to deal with the situation delicately because I was mildly embarrassed
19:58that we were equivalents and now I'm your boss but that's the deal live with it I don't let anyone
20:03talk to me the way you just did not my staff not my boss no one and certainly not you
20:06do you understand
20:07yeah do you understand good look you're a good bloke Dave and if there's a problem I'd rather
20:14discuss it sensibly and have to have these little chats all right shake on it great thank you
20:29I'll see you guys later okay all right yeah cheers Neil have a good night
20:42yeah did you hear any of the conversation there no I just had it out with Neil he showed his
20:46true
20:46colours didn't he what do you mean is he alright he seemed like a good bloke yes what do you
20:51think
20:51I'm best they're not saying anything then what's your back I'm slagging you off what I'm slagging you
20:56off yeah want me personally yeah yeah what just me yeah and you slagging all you lot off what'd you
21:02say just going oh yeah a lot of rubbish I was going oh a lot of rubbish you're swinging a
21:08lot of shit
21:09and then he got us it got aggressive and I went berserk yeah if I had to don't need to
21:14come through
21:15that wall I don't know he's pretty trim mate yeah okay it's karate so and David what did he actually
21:22say about us just slag sagging you off I went you'll swing the night and it was slugs and it
21:27was slugs
21:27with no personality and he's just jealous that we're better everything than you I tell you what I'm a
21:33serious note if it did kick off do anything get out I don't want you not getting there it's not
21:35worth it
21:36well just step in if you want let's be big boy shit mate cheers use that one hit him really
21:41hard
21:41above the ears cause a vacuum in the brain kills him instantly I wouldn't want him to die I'd want
21:45to keep a little twat alive with the shit I was going to put on him
21:52can I give you a reference then yes tell me he's here I know him forward slash
21:59all right hi hello uh you don't have a boyfriend do you nope no any kids from previous marriages or
22:07anything uh no no would you like to come out for a dream of me tonight um I can't I'm
22:12afraid I'm
22:13gonna go out with Tim so tonight yeah can I come uh not really but you're not planning on getting
22:22off
22:23with him I don't think this is any of your business I'm sorry it's none of my business
22:26thank you oh you go out have a drink by all means enjoy yourself just know that if you don't
22:33go all
22:33the way with Tim I will still be interested all right thanks that's uh it's good to know I have
22:37something to fall back on what if I do go all the way with Tim but I want a little
22:41bit more with
22:41you don't usually do sloppy seconds um but I don't do everything on its individual marriage so
22:50we'll cross that river when we come to it thanks that's that's good to know no problem
23:00well in the castle yep it's um I should just boil so one amendment if you do go all the
23:06way with Tim
23:07and you expect me to go in there afterwards make sure he wears a condom all right sort of a
23:13rule
23:17sorry yeah um it's in the fridge
23:29okay now that's gone it's all right see ya all right see you later mate
23:37you're going home you're going home you're going home you're going home cheers um oh can you um
23:49call milson's and um get that credit breakdown faxed over or emailed or whatever sure and uh do you
23:58mind um typing up those appraisal contracts as if i want to get them back to all right sure see
24:05you
24:05see you later don't want i'm fed up i'm fed up to be honest just i oh why this place
24:12i don't say
24:13anything but this sometimes i think it's a right shithole do you yeah
24:22do you think i'm funny
24:25mm-hmm yep do you think neil's funny
24:32um yeah um no i don't really know him david but he's not funnier than me
24:38no definitely not right i wish you'd tell that to the swindon not miserable bunch of
24:43i know some of them boring
24:48what's your favorite stuff that i do comedy wise
24:51um oh that's too much impressions yeah yeah which ones uh
25:03oh which ones are there again
25:05brilliant uh welcome to the uh muppet show hello frog miss biggie do you know um kermit's nephew
25:14robbie is well halfway up the stair is the stair where i said do you do gonzo no do you
25:22want a beer
25:24i uh i can't go to the pub no no no got some here
25:30for emergencies
25:38uh cheers
25:39i was uh looking through
25:50some of my old poems i used to do oh that you yeah i don't know yeah so what sort
25:55of big time
25:56quite sort of powerful is one should i read one to you this one's called excalibur
26:06i froze your tears and made a dagger and stabbed it in my cock forever it stays there like excalibur
26:13are you my arthur say you are good take this cool dark steeled blade steal it sheath it in your
26:21lake
26:22i drown with you to be together must you breathe because i need heaven
26:31oh
26:34it's powerful very and double meanings did you get the double meaning
26:37i did